Latest / Mindful You / Unlocking Inner Light: Navigating Self-Awareness, Spiritual Connection, And Healing Through Mindful Empowerment With Denise Miceli

Transcript

Unlocking Inner Light: Navigating Self-Awareness, Spiritual Connection, And Healing Through Mindful Empowerment With Denise Miceli · Mindful You

0:03
Alan Carroll: Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode
0:08
of the mindful U podcast. My name is Alan Carroll, I am your
0:14
host. And today we will continue to explore that fascinating
0:21
field of presence and mindfulness. Today's guest
0:30
Denise Miceli describes herself as a body soul alignment guide.
0:40
She has a phrase that she uses is rock, your blocks. Whatever
0:47
are the blocks that stop you mentally, emotionally
0:51
physically, from experiencing the those mindful states of
0:58
consciousness, the less stressed the less anxiety, states of
1:03
consciousness. She has a coaching program that takes
1:09
people through a process that reduces and eliminates those
1:15
blocks. And so that flow of energy comes through their body.
1:20
Background is a lot of educational work in the public
1:24
schools in New York City, rose up in the ranks, you know,
1:29
teacher, Director, administrator, and now lives in
1:36
Northern California and earns her living, doing consulting in
1:43
the rocks, your block conversation. So please welcome
1:49
to the mindful you podcast. Denise maturely. Denise Michelle
1:58
Lee, welcome as a guest to the mindful you podcast. It's
2:03
exciting to have you here. And I want to thank you for being here
2:07
today.
2:09
Unknown: You're so welcome. Thank you for having me.
2:12
Alan Carroll: I find that on the mindfulness journey, if I asked
2:18
the guests questions about their background, so I like to start
2:22
with, you know, we'll going back to the time that it's almost as
2:28
if there were critical events that happened in people's lives,
2:32
that caused a shift in perception that allowed them to
2:39
wake up in a way they sort of wake up from a, an unconscious
2:44
state to a more conscious state, and then they have a new
2:47
direction. So I'd like to start with having you share with us,
2:52
our audience, a little bit of your background, and a few of
2:56
those important key transition points in your in your life
3:01
journey. So go ahead and take a shot at that one, Denise. So
3:07
Denise Miceli: I have to go back, you know, really to my
3:09
childhood, because it's when I realized that I was different. I
3:13
knew there was something different about me, like I just
3:16
always questioned everything, and I felt highly sensitive, I
3:21
think, you know, I really didn't understand it all then but I
3:26
found meditation and yoga very young. And, you know, it was it
3:34
just drew me in, in fact, I remember I was like, 15 or
3:37
something. And I asked my mom to come with me to this yoga class,
3:41
you know, in our, our, like, you know, 70s leotards and we go to
3:45
some school gymnasium and, and it was the opening for me of
3:51
realizing that there was another way of seeing life. And so that
3:57
was kind of the first clue that really stayed with me and saw me
4:02
and I was in middle school. When I first started meditating. I
4:06
remember getting the book TM, you know, that was like the big
4:09
meditation book at the time. And you know, it was this tiny
4:12
little book and I read it like in an hour and all of my
4:16
girlfriends used to love having sleepovers because I would
4:19
literally do a sleep guided meditation. I didn't even know
4:23
what I was doing. Honestly, I just felt drawn to it. I felt
4:27
like this was my calling. And they would be like, yeah, let's
4:30
get on our sleeping bags. And let's like, let's let's D you
4:33
know, you know, get us all ready to go to sleep. And, and so, you
4:38
know, there was this sort of deep connection that I felt with
4:43
the spiritual side of life and I did grow up in a Catholic
4:47
environment. You know, my family's Italian, you know, at
4:50
the time we thought 100% But now we know it's telling you in
4:53
Greek but very Catholic and my parents you know, had a rocky
4:56
marriage and got divorced and and I became You're very, you
5:02
know, this illusion with the Catholic Church because I
5:05
remember that my mom, we were all in Catholic school at that
5:09
time. And my mom was told, like, if you can't give so much at the
5:12
church every week, like, yeah, we're sorry. But I mean,
5:16
literally, that's how crazy it was. And I was like, Really,
5:19
it's all about the money. And so I mean, it was just a terrible
5:22
experience. But at but there was something in me that knew, you
5:25
know, so I remember my sister and I both had the choice like,
5:28
do you want to go to, you know, go all girls Catholic High
5:32
School, do you want to? And I was like, yeah, that's not for
5:34
me. And she did that, you know. So we always were very
5:37
different. But it was, you know, that questioning that sense of,
5:43
of, you know, really do I have to go this traditional way. So I
5:48
really became this person that was going to question
5:51
everything. And I can remember having these arguments with my
5:53
mom. And she'd be like, because I told you, you know, that whole
5:56
the way that parents had, it was just like, because I said, so
5:59
there was no reason and I was like, there was no logic in that
6:02
mom. And he was like logic. I'm your mother. And so I became the
6:08
first person in my family to go to college. I actually, by the
6:12
time I got through a couple of years of public high school, I
6:14
was like, I really know this stuff. And I'm just bored. And
6:18
so I, I found out that I could go to college early, and I, no
6:23
one supported me, like my guidance counselor was like,
6:26
You're not a shoo in for that. And my mother was like, you want
6:29
to do what? First of all, why go to college Second of all, early
6:33
like, You're nuts. And I was just like, well, this friend is
6:36
going to England to do this. And this other friend, and I had
6:40
inspiring teachers and friends, which I think is what encouraged
6:44
me to become that, for others like to be a guide to be an
6:47
inspirational force. And so I applied to four colleges on
6:51
early admission. And I got into three out of the four. And I and
6:56
I went off and started my adventure at 17. And, you know,
7:00
I didn't know what the heck I wanted to study, I just knew
7:03
there was something out there. For me, that didn't include me
7:06
being a part of this sort of broken family that was really
7:10
trying, you know, they were trying to do the best they
7:12
could, but I sort of became the parent because I felt very
7:18
empowered. I felt like I had more tools. And it was it was
7:22
draining me it was taking away my energy toward my life. And I
7:27
can even remember, you know, my family being like, really upset
7:31
with me for leaving, they're like, you're not supposed to be
7:33
leaving, yeah, you need to be here for us. And I was just
7:36
like, oh, my gosh, I need to run, you know. And so I went
7:40
into, you know, that period of my life with such excitement and
7:44
hope that I could change my life. And so that was like the
7:49
first big, sort of like, proving to myself if I allowed myself to
7:53
think out of the box, if I allowed myself to use these
7:56
tools, that I could become whatever I wanted to be. So, you
8:00
know, that was kind of the first inkling of it. And over the
8:06
years, though, I found myself, you know, as I got up in my 20s,
8:10
like, you know, I thought, Oh, I'm never gonna get married, I'm
8:13
never gonna have kids, because it was so painful, you know, in
8:16
my family, and I don't want to repeat that. And I felt that tug
8:19
in me, you know, I felt that woman thing like getting to be
8:23
30. And you're not having a kid yet. I really did feel that
8:26
because my family was very old school, very old fashion. Like I
8:30
said, I was the first one to go to college. And there was no,
8:33
there were no females in my family that did anything. If
8:36
they had dropped like a teller or a clerk or a secretary, or
8:42
like my Nana, she worked in a factory. So these were working
8:46
class people. And so for me to want something more than that
8:50
just didn't, you know, it didn't set well. So I found I didn't
8:54
know it then. But looking back now I saw that I was really
8:58
being pulled back by those expectations, to be married to
9:02
have children, even though like I knew there was something more
9:05
I wanted to do with my life. So needless to say, I ended up
9:09
getting married and having a child. And it was wonderful. I
9:12
mean, it was a supportive relationship. I have a
9:14
wonderful, you know, adult daughter now. But I got to a
9:18
point where I was like, I do want something more, you know,
9:23
and then it was the struggle of like, okay, you have to be
9:25
everything. You're going to be the mom, you're going to be the
9:27
career woman, you're going to be all that. So I went on to become
9:31
a teacher. I had a great career as a chef in my 20s I ended up
9:35
quitting school early because I started working in restaurants
9:38
and I I just knew how to cook. It just was in my DNA, and I
9:42
loved it and I love making people happy. But it eventually
9:45
got to be an imbalance in my body. And exhausting work, you
9:52
know, just exhausting. We're very successful at it, but
9:55
having to walk away from something that and this has
9:58
happened to me a few times in my Life where, you know, when
10:01
you're doing well at something, it's actually the best time to
10:04
walk away if you have the empowered, you know, decision
10:09
that you can make that says, there's great things about this.
10:13
Like, if I waited until it was like really oppressive, that
10:18
would have drained me even more, but to be able to say, I love
10:21
this. And guess what, I'll know how to cook my whole life now,
10:24
and I can cook for pleasure. But I'm ready for something more. So
10:27
I went back to college in my early 30s, and became an
10:30
educator, and right away, became a leader in education, of
10:35
change. You know, I remember working with teachers who were
10:39
like making literal dittos, like, they'd have all of their
10:42
dittos made for the entire year. And I came in like, No, we're
10:46
gonna make projects, and we're gonna do cross curricular and
10:50
hands on and my kids wanted to come in at lunch, because they
10:54
were so excited to learn, you know, they were just like doing
10:58
paperbag book reports and having fun learning and I couldn't stay
11:04
in the classroom, they were like, we need you to show the
11:06
other teachers how to do this. And the other teachers were
11:07
like, Oh, my gosh, what does she want me to do? Look at the mess
11:11
in her classroom. You know, and I had the kids getting jobs. I
11:16
mean, I was a third grade teacher, I had them like
11:18
applying for jobs, cleaning up the classroom, you learning how
11:22
to use a checkbook, doing all of these things that we don't do in
11:25
school, like teaching them how to really live, you know, show
11:28
up on Monday, you get a paycheck, you bumped bag is in
11:32
the aisle, you're getting a ticket, you know, like, just
11:36
consequences, move on and go on, you know, and so, but very
11:41
quickly, I was encouraged to lead other people. And then
11:44
before I knew it, I was becoming a leader and actually went to
11:48
the district level, teaching schools how to be better. And so
11:52
I became this change agent, like from all of that to, you know,
11:58
like I said, I was like, I've started with 16. Kids, it was a
12:01
wonderful first year, but then it was the whole school than it
12:04
was a region. And then we were doing district wide efforts. So
12:08
I spent 20 years in that in that career. And once again, came to
12:12
this point where I said, I got all these credentials, you know,
12:16
leadership, master's degrees, and, and I was doing really
12:21
well. And I looked at people, I was rounding up to 20 years, who
12:25
were at 25, and 30. And they were just, they were falling
12:29
apart. They were miserable. They were exhausted. I mean, we were
12:34
talking about, you know, coming into the years when school
12:37
shooting first started, you know, and the things that people
12:41
were dealing with, you know, I remember being trained by the
12:43
principal of Columbine, and, you know, just psychically taking
12:47
that on, I think it reconnected me with how sensitive that I
12:51
that I really was. And I think that because I was so you know,
12:56
I'm a New Yorker, I'm a native New Yorker, so I have no problem
12:59
putting questions out there to people. So they would put me
13:02
literally, I was hired into a position at the district where
13:06
it was like, give me your worst schools. And I remember the
13:10
first position, I got the 10 worst in the state, and my
13:14
partner got the other 10. And it was like, Here, go off and do
13:17
your thing. And I would have people laughing, crying, you
13:21
know, you know, walking out of meetings, because we were
13:25
literally at that point where it was like you either have to
13:27
change, or you have to find something else. And sometimes
13:30
they would come to me and say you know what, thank you because
13:33
I need to find something else. You don't want to come to work
13:37
or a relationship or any situation every day where you're
13:39
like, I can't stand this and you're blaming everyone else for
13:43
it. It was always it's the parents fault is this is that.
13:46
And so I had to make that choice again and say, this work is
13:51
crushing me. This work is you know, I'd be waking up in the
13:55
middle of night worried about a certain student, a certain
13:57
teacher that really difficult, gut wrenching situations because
14:01
I worked in a very large district with, you know, a lot
14:04
of mostly the whole 20 years of my career with the neediest
14:08
schools and the neediest families and cities. So
14:13
eventually, I had to walk away. And so that's really the Dark
14:17
Knight journey that I call what developed was just two years
14:22
before the pandemic, you know, and I Rumi I love my favorite
14:25
Rumi quote is, the the whole is where the light comes in. You
14:29
know, it was my awakening to say, remember all that stuff you
14:33
did way back when because of course, during the years, you
14:36
know, you go to yoga you do. I did all kinds of yoga, all kinds
14:39
of meditation from that point on in my life. But you know, I got
14:44
into that, you know, what I call the rushing woman years, which
14:47
is like you're, you know, 35 to 45 You're just like, I got to do
14:51
this. I gotta be the mother. I gotta, you know, run the
14:53
household. I gotta, you know, and I did eventually end up
14:56
getting divorced. I was a single mom had bought my own home. I
14:59
was is running the show, you know, on, on on. And I got to
15:05
the point where I just said, this isn't working, you know, my
15:08
daughter was really unhappy. She wasn't thriving in physically
15:14
and emotionally, she had a lot of health problems that I was
15:17
dealing with. And so I in my career, I was literally at the
15:22
point where I was assisting superintendents in making
15:25
choices about the district and working at the state level to
15:29
make changes that would go down to the kid level. And it was, it
15:34
was very rewarding for me. But it was also more than I became
15:38
innovative. The more that I became a change agent, the more
15:42
I felt the bureaucrats going, Oh, whoa, whoa, wait a second,
15:46
what does this woman think? Who does she think she is? And, you
15:51
know, there was a part of me that just shone so brightly, you
15:55
know, I don't know if that's a word, but that I feel like some
15:58
of them like I would walk into and this is where I started to
16:00
feel that intuitive hits again, that sense of sensitivity that I
16:05
would walk into these interviews, and they were like,
16:07
the panels, we've got three minutes for each question. And,
16:11
you know, like, really structured and I became expert
16:13
at them. And I would get first interview, second interviewed
16:16
and but I'd walk in and I just feel the daggers, I would feel
16:21
the divers coming at me, like, there's nothing I could say in
16:24
this interview, that they're going to receive, like, they
16:27
just have some sort of block to me. So, you know, when those
16:30
things happen, there's a reason there's a lot of reasons, I had
16:33
nothing but glowing letters I had, you know, commendations
16:37
from the superintendent, all this stuff being on committees.
16:40
And I just said, D, there's something here, there's
16:45
something happening for a reason that maybe you're not supposed
16:49
to become a superintendent cuz I literally interviewed for like,
16:52
assistant superintendent or director of literacy for the
16:55
whole entire sixth largest district in the country. And I
16:59
just had to step back and say, This system doesn't see you, or
17:04
doesn't want to see everything that you have. And so maybe your
17:08
work needs to morph into something else. Now, boy, that
17:12
was really hard. That was really, really hard. But I
17:15
looked at all of it. And I was just like, you know, I had
17:18
always wanted to be able to help people more, and I felt very
17:24
blocked. And so it says, same thing is like, when there's a
17:27
blockage there, there's something going on that saying,
17:31
hey, wait a second, there's something else calling your
17:34
soul, you know, and that's where I started to really listen to my
17:38
intuition. And I'm not going to say it was pretty because it
17:40
wasn't. And I had to, you know, say goodbye to my home, which I,
17:45
you know, had for a very long time. And did you know you do
17:48
all these things in your first home, especially owning it
17:51
myself, and all the things I had so much pride in, but to be able
17:54
to look at that and say, You know what, I've got a branch out
17:58
from here. So I was literally going to walk away, and I found
18:02
out, you know, what, there's an option for me to early retire,
18:06
and I'm going to take that option, and turn it into another
18:09
business, and took me a couple of years to get that all worked
18:13
out. But I finally figured out, I can take the seeds of this and
18:17
create something that really is more in alignment with me. So
18:21
that was really the biggest transformation, I would say in
18:25
my life, because it started to help me to see that all of these
18:28
expectations outside of me of the path you're supposed to take
18:32
have the you know, the expectations, both of you know,
18:35
of women in society and what they're supposed to do family
18:39
expectations, all of that, you know, I can remember for years,
18:42
you know, sharing ideas of my family just getting shot down,
18:45
shot down, it took me a lot of decades to get over that one,
18:48
you know, to realize, like, there's certain people where you
18:51
don't want to bring those ideas to because they don't understand
18:55
and so they're just gonna be like, what and why, you know,
18:57
given you that Kona, like puppy, you know, sort of stare with the
19:01
head turn. So, it was during that time that I started to
19:05
really kind of go deeper with my yoga, my meditation, started
19:11
getting certified in those areas so that I could incorporate that
19:16
into my coaching. So I started you know, an individual coaching
19:20
business. I early retired and was working with people on
19:25
health and nutrition because that had been a big awakening,
19:29
shifting away from being a chef and going into that new career.
19:32
I said, That's it, I'm gonna go healthy. And I did I on the side
19:37
of doing all of that Elon, I became a personal trainer and
19:41
got into nutrition and it's been a passion of mine for over 20
19:46
years. So I started doing that on the side while I was still
19:49
actually teaching, but what I when I went full time with it,
19:53
it was fantastic. And I started in in LA which of course is
19:57
where you start everything right if you especially with health,
20:00
like everybody's doing some kind of fitness thing they are. So it
20:05
was fantastic. And, but then the pandemic came. And suddenly
20:11
people lost all motivation, you know, people were just like,
20:14
right there were day drinking, there were, there was just, you
20:18
know, I would meet with people and I would do their nutritional
20:21
analysis, and I would give them a plan and that, you know, that
20:24
they felt good about and they come back and they start coming
20:27
back and be like, You gave me a great plan, I don't know what's
20:30
wrong with me, I just feel blocked. And so I started to
20:33
realize that I needed to bring in some of those other tools,
20:36
that there was an issue going on that was deeper than, you know,
20:41
just having a good plan. The best laid plans are nothing
20:45
without like some kind of motivation and some kind of a
20:49
feel for, you know, I can do this. And so as I went deeper
20:55
into that, I found subconscious healing. And I learned so much
21:01
about how our brains like it there 90% of what we think about
21:07
is from our subconscious, and so I started really researching it,
21:10
reading about it. And I found out that like, really, our
21:15
subconscious mind is like a video recorder, it has recorded
21:18
everything in our lives. And our brain has a way of trying to
21:23
protect us. So when we, especially when we get into a
21:27
new situation, or we want to change something in our lives,
21:30
we become like, very resistant, and we don't often know where
21:34
it's coming from, you know, I mean, the simplest version, when
21:37
you connected with nutrition is, you know, sometimes we were
21:40
shamed. When we were a kid, we were called names, or we were
21:43
told to get outside and go exercise and go, whatever, but
21:47
if those things aren't cleared, or like at least calmed, then we
21:52
can become triggered, you know, or we can feel we deserve this
21:55
treat, because maybe there's another part of our life that
21:58
we're not happy with. So we're kind of like, it's kind of like
22:01
an addictive behavior, you know, whether it's like shopping or
22:05
eating, or whatever it is, but we become stuck in these, you
22:10
know, subconscious patterns. And so the method that I use is
22:16
really helping people identify either an emotion that seems to
22:20
come up a lot, you know, some people are prone to depression,
22:24
some people just get into a set, and some people have more of an
22:27
anxious personality, we call it right. But these are just echoes
22:31
and patterns of how they dealt with things in the past. And
22:35
when they go to do something out of their comfort zone, the first
22:38
thing that happens is they go, oh, wait a second. You know, I
22:42
don't know that I can do that. You know, they start worrying,
22:45
you know, and that's where, you know, I always
22:48
Unknown: say there's anxiety and depression, right? Depression is
22:51
being sad about what happened in the past and anxieties worried
22:54
about the future. There is both.
22:57
Alan Carroll: Go ahead and say that that one again. That's a
22:59
nice little golden nugget there go slow, though. Yeah. So
23:02
Unknown: so I feel like most people fall into one or the
23:05
other camps. So depression is about being sad about the past.
23:09
It's about reworking over and over in your mind, like, why did
23:13
this happen to me? How could I think of it differently, right?
23:16
So we go towards a sadness, and we get stuck in the past,
23:20
anxiety is more future focus. It's like, I'm worried I'm not
23:24
going to find someone, I'm worried about this job. I don't
23:27
know if I can do it. You know, it's so there's that past and
23:30
future? And where does that take us out of the present moment. So
23:35
if we're not in the present moment, right, we don't have
23:37
those tools. And you know, to go back to my education, like I
23:41
learned to take that breath work with my kids, because I had, you
23:45
know, always at least 10 to 20 kids who were special. And who
23:50
would get triggered easily because of their trauma. You
23:53
know, there's some of them were living in active trauma, some of
23:55
them had trauma and when they were younger, and so I would
23:58
teach two breaths, and each kid would have to sing, you know,
24:01
because some kids get triggered into anger. And some kids get
24:05
triggered into sadness. So I'd give an energizing breath to
24:08
that kid who'd got triggered into the low feeling. And the
24:11
kid who got ready to smack someone, I gave them a calming
24:14
breaths. So you know, and we literally made a poster right in
24:17
front of their desk. It's like when you feel that way, look at
24:20
it, do the three steps, and it would calm them or it would
24:23
energize them. And so being able to, you know, help people now
24:28
helps that are saying, I don't I'm not happy with some part of
24:31
my life. The emotion is what we bring up first, and we bring it
24:36
up. So you know, I work a little bit with conscious but I don't
24:39
want to, I don't want to do what people do in therapy, which is
24:42
go over and over everything. I've been there myself, I don't
24:45
want to talk about it anymore. But what's important is to bring
24:49
up the emotion that is most present because if it's most
24:53
present, and it's what you default to when you're in a
24:55
struggle, then that says there's something deep and dark inside
25:00
your past and it may be more than one thing that has dragged
25:04
you down. And that is going to keep surfacing unless you deal
25:08
with it, because our mind really does have a negativity bias,
25:12
it's trying to protect us. And a lot of this is based on family
25:16
systems therapy, which says that we have parts of us. And some of
25:22
them are very young parts that are still trying to protect us
25:26
from maybe a mean grandfather or a, you know, a mean t that, you
25:32
know, just made us kind of like shake when they, you know, were
25:35
maybe they were just, you know, very nasty, and how they talk to
25:39
us, we've all had those experiences, but sometimes those
25:42
parts stay active in us. And, and unless we deal with them,
25:46
unless we neutralize them and I tell people is, it's not a bad
25:50
thing to feel those things, we want to protect ourselves. But
25:53
when they stop us from changing, now we have a problem because
25:57
some people never realize they have those parts. So part of
26:01
this work and you know, it's called Family Systems therapy is
26:05
that human beings function much better. When all of their parts
26:09
are working together, instead of, you know, I have this happy,
26:14
mindful part of me that wants to, you know, move to another
26:17
country or whatever the big goal is, but there's a part of me
26:20
that's worried about safety. There's a part of me that's
26:22
worried about what if I, you know, what, if this person
26:25
doesn't understand me, or you know, all of these things, and
26:29
then we're stuck. And so that's really kind of who I work with
26:33
as people that feels stuck in some area of their life. Like,
26:38
one woman that came to my group sessions was just like, she was
26:42
in a sales job. And I said, COVID is such a turning point
26:46
for people just as it was, for me, she was just like, the
26:49
quotas and the thing, you know, they're trying to change it,
26:51
because everything's different now. But I just can't, every day
26:55
I wake up stressed, I wake up in the middle of the night stress
26:57
trying to make these quotas. Well, in a couple of months of
27:00
coming to these sessions, which are like a 90 minute healing
27:03
session where we start with a little conscious, bring the
27:06
thing up the emotion. And then we use a mindfulness practice to
27:12
calm and to relax. And then we go into the subconscious
27:15
healing, which is based on neuro linguistic programming, you may
27:19
have heard of it NLP. So it is really talking to your
27:23
subconscious mind, and you train your mind your subconscious mind
27:27
of how to receive these commands. So based on the energy
27:31
of the group, or the person you're working with, which I
27:34
thought in the beginning, oh, I don't know how I could read the
27:37
energy of a group, I can read the energy of a group, it's
27:39
amazing. And of course, the more present ones are going to come
27:42
out first, but the emotion is, is brought forward. And then we
27:47
give some commands to neutralize it, to replace it with space and
27:52
positive emotion and to just, you know, make it so it's not so
27:56
triggerable, we talk about Association dissociation,
28:00
because, again, those parts, those younger parts are
28:03
associating a change or something you're trying to do in
28:06
your life, they're associating it with something that happened
28:10
in your past with a negative outcome, and boom, you're
28:13
derailed, you're triggered, whatever you want to call,
28:15
alright, they call it triggering these days. So. So that's kind
28:19
of, you know, how that process works. So this woman, couple
28:25
months later, she came to like two or three sessions, she
28:27
didn't even come to a lot. But she came back and she said, D, I
28:32
quit that job. I was scared, I didn't know what the heck I was
28:37
gonna do. But I found a job working for a nonprofit, and
28:40
they're doing this great, they have this great mission, and I
28:43
don't have to meet a sales quota. And it's near, I mean, so
28:47
when we make space that way, when we take those parts, and we
28:52
thank them, thank you so much for protecting me all those
28:55
years, but I'm good. Like I really am. I'm not scared of
28:59
this thing anymore. Whatever it was, sometimes it's an emotion,
29:03
but it could be a memory, like people who've had trauma, it
29:06
could be a memory of being victimized. And so if that
29:09
memory comes up every time you think of getting close to
29:11
someone hard to have a relationship, right, so I have
29:14
women like that a lot that unfortunately, have issues of
29:18
trust, because that trust was broken as a child. And they've
29:23
done years and years of of traditional therapies and they
29:26
just want something different. And to come in to something like
29:31
this and be able to very quickly have that neutralized down to
29:35
where they go, you know, and and a lot of times people will feel
29:39
a body sensation, but a lot of times just make room for
29:44
insights to come up and say wow, I you know, I can see how that
29:48
was weighing me down and I just feel this space now. And you
29:54
know, and it takes processing time. You know, some people can
29:58
instantly make the change some people We'll need to come back a
30:01
little bit more repeated. And there's a way also that people
30:04
that work with me a little bit longer, they can learn how to
30:07
give themselves commands. So it's not something where you are
30:10
dependent on the other person, but it's just like, hey, do you
30:14
see that thought that's coming up, you see that repetitive
30:16
thought that's coming up. And you talk to your subconscious
30:19
mind and say, hey, just take it down, help me take it down. And
30:23
I've used this for, you know, when you wake up in the middle
30:26
of the night, right, you've probably heard that when you
30:28
wake up at like, 3am, your stress hormones are overactive,
30:33
right, or you ate a bunch of sugar, or you had some alcohol,
30:35
right? There's no physical reason for it to, but you can
30:39
use it to help you get back asleep, say, hey, you know,
30:41
check these racing thoughts for me subconscious mind, and just
30:45
helped me neutralize them so I can get more rest. So you really
30:48
get to be more in charge of your inner world. Instead of and I
30:52
was listening to your your most recent podcast, where you were
30:56
talking about this very thing, you know, when we become more
30:59
inner focused, we are less reactionary to the world, we
31:03
don't rely on the world changing, or the, you know, an
31:07
outside factor outside of ourselves to make our lives
31:11
better, we start to see that we can create that space, for
31:16
insightful changes in ourselves, so that we can do something
31:21
different, you know, like change the work, change, the people
31:24
were around, I think the hardest thing that people realize, and
31:27
particularly this has a lot to do with women is they get to
31:30
this middle age, and they realize, Wow, this is I'm not
31:35
happy. And I'm surrounded by people who aren't happy, because
31:39
what do people think, in the US, but in a lot of cultures, that
31:44
aging means degradation of your health, period, end of story.
31:48
And so if you're surrounded by people who believe that but you
31:52
don't, which I honestly don't believe it has to be that way.
31:55
But when you hear nothing, but messages about aging that are
31:59
negative, and you're living surrounded by that, it's very
32:03
hard. So one of the things that can potentially be a side effect
32:07
of this. And as with any spiritual growth, right, we hear
32:10
about the spiritual leaders who go off on these things, and they
32:13
go and be alone for a little while. So that is, you know,
32:16
sometimes a side effect is that when you reorganize your
32:20
spiritual life, you step back sometimes because you realize
32:25
that you're spending time and energy, in work, relationships,
32:30
situations, even places that you're living, that are not
32:33
giving you anything back. And so you want to have that good flow
32:37
of energy back and forth. And so I don't know anybody who can
32:42
just take on all negative all the time, and then shoot out
32:45
positive, right, we need to feed ourselves, especially, you know,
32:49
in any type of coaching teaching healing profession, if you're
32:54
not getting time for yourself to replenish to do what you need to
32:58
do. It's very difficult to feel like, you know, you can keep
33:02
giving back. So
33:05
yeah, so I know that was a quite a long answer there. But But
33:11
yeah, so that was my my Dark Knight journey that led me to
33:14
more of my coaching away from just straight up, you know, body
33:19
health, although that is a major part of how I approach things
33:24
with people, because a lot of times, especially with sadness,
33:29
moving your body immediately changes your energy, you know,
33:34
so so I'll find that with people who are feeling stuck or sad or
33:38
depressed over a longer period of time, they are not making
33:41
that commitment. So we work on what's the resistance to that?
33:44
Well, let's lower the sadness down. But let's get you just
33:47
start walking. And that's the thing, I'll say, Look, just five
33:50
minutes of walking. When I first started my weight loss journey,
33:53
I, you know, I'm a very small person, but I was over 200
33:57
pounds. And I said, I'm going to start with five minutes. So I
34:01
asked people is can you give yourself five minutes, I would
34:04
go to my, you know, I put my big black T shirt on, and go to my
34:08
little studio, and sit on a bike and just pedal for five minutes.
34:12
And I could gradually add time to that finally lost some pounds
34:16
and went to the gym. And I'm literally half the person that I
34:20
used to be. And I did that only in a few years, you know,
34:24
becoming the teacher making that change, and elevating myself to
34:28
a professional career. I said, That's it. I have no excuses
34:32
anymore. I'm going to make my health a priority. But you start
34:37
where you are, you know, and I remember during the beginning of
34:40
when I started doing nutrition and fitness coaching, I get
34:43
these people like I have to lose 50 pounds my wedding and I was
34:46
like, I'm not your girl. I'm going to help you change your
34:48
life. But I'm more of a longer term person. I'm going to take
34:53
you from where you are now or they'd be like, can I buy a menu
34:55
from you? I'm like, No. I'm gonna help you find exactly what
35:00
is working for you and what's not. And that's where like, I
35:03
take all the data analysis that I learned and all of the root
35:06
causes, I developed a root cause analysis process for groups and
35:10
schools that were failing. And I take that now to the personal
35:13
level. And I say, Okay, well, you know, because I'll get
35:16
people, you know, women my age who are like, you know, I really
35:19
do eat healthy. And you know, my friends said to me, what are you
35:21
going to learn from a nutrition coach? Well, what's your biggest
35:25
issue? Well, I have this bloat in my belly, and I can't seem to
35:28
lose a pound. Okay. So you know, it's hard to admit, when we're
35:31
this age that we don't know everything. So, but if you're
35:35
not getting the result you want, let's scrap everything you've
35:38
been doing. Let's start from ground zero, I don't have a big
35:41
vitamin program for you. But let's just start with the
35:44
basics. What are you eating? How do you sleep, and do you move,
35:48
and just working with that, you know, everyone's program is
35:52
going to look different. So I love that, that always comes up,
35:57
whatever they come to me for, but sometimes it always comes
36:01
up, it always comes up that there's something physically
36:05
that they're doing or not doing, that is causing them to also to
36:10
feel blocked, you know, and just even that five minute commitment
36:14
of a five minute walk, eventually can turn into a 10 to
36:17
15 minute walk to eventually, you know, after a meal, if you
36:23
have time, that's when you take your walk, because then you'll
36:26
burn off, you know, more energy and stuff like that. And then,
36:30
you know, eventually getting them to see how good you've can
36:34
feel from just simple exercise, you know, anything at all, any
36:38
type of exercise. So, it is like, probably the most
36:43
effective natural form of antidepressant that we have anti
36:48
anxiety Do you know? But um, yeah, so we, you know, so we
36:51
focus on the emotions primarily, but also the repetitive
36:56
thoughts, or, you know, and repetitive thoughts turn into
37:00
beliefs. So we may be operating under beliefs that we have from
37:05
our childhood, just like I found myself doing when I was
37:08
approaching 30. It was like, Okay, I could go get a master's
37:12
degree now. Or I could get married, and I can have a kid,
37:15
oh, I'll just do all of it, right. Or some people do say, I
37:19
better get married, oh, my clock is ticking. I better have a kid
37:22
now. Because, you know, otherwise, I don't want to have
37:25
a kid too old. And we do all of that stuff. So you know, it
37:28
becomes a, you know, a thing to to look at that situation and
37:33
say, let's take a look.
37:36
Alan Carroll: Let's take a look at the ability to become self
37:40
aware. You've mentioned bass, you've mentioned looking, you've
37:44
mentioned observation, you've mentioned, you get you get
37:51
hooked by a situation, you get sucked into the story. And you
37:55
begin to follow the program that was established when you were a
37:59
kid until you until you are able to become aware that you have
38:06
the emotion, become aware that you have the thought. And it
38:10
doesn't make any difference what the thought is, doesn't make any
38:13
difference what it is, can you step back, keep your body still
38:18
keep your keep your keep your breath, get get your breath, get
38:22
in the moment, and just observe what is going on physically.
38:28
Mentally, your thoughts get stirred up, your body gets
38:32
stirred up not right not wrong, just just observe what's going
38:36
on. And you said the word space several times. And to me when
38:42
you can observe something, you have to have a space between you
38:47
and that which is being observed. And space to me is the
38:53
and I think you great everything you're saying makes sense to me.
38:56
Space is like the buffer, that that trance that that's that
39:01
stops the reactive behavior, and then allows you to have
39:05
responding behavior, which is much more healthy for mentally
39:09
emotionally spiritually, you really have a wonderful story.
39:15
And you have used the events in the in the story of Dee's life
39:21
in order to marinate something, marinate something inside
39:25
yourself some spiritual aspect of ourselves, some spiritual
39:29
component of ourselves. And now you've reached a point where
39:32
you're able to take all the knowledge that you've learned in
39:36
the past and formulate a way of being with people that allows
39:42
them if I have it, right, that allows them to remove the blocks
39:46
and barriers that stopping them from achieving that mindful
39:49
state of consciousness and stop making more money. It's not the
39:52
happiness thing. It's just getting into a mindful state of
39:56
consciousness, where everything is still rather than is that it
40:03
might close what you're saying?
40:05
Unknown: Absolutely. I mean, you you put it really nicely into a
40:09
nutshell it, it is it feels like the culmination, it feels like
40:13
what I'm supposed to be doing now, which is you know why I'm
40:15
leaning more towards working with groups, because I feel
40:18
like, wow, if you think about where the world is right now,
40:23
you bet. You know, there's, there's this extremes where
40:25
everybody's going to one side or the other, there's a victim
40:28
mentality that's rampant, there's a sense of, you know,
40:32
either extreme powerfulness or extreme powerlessness, it's like
40:36
we're going, you know, so there has to be what's in the middle,
40:40
which is becoming more inner focused, and in less
40:44
reactionary, you know, this is a time where if you don't have
40:48
that tool, you're going to get swept up in that, and, you know,
40:52
lose yourself in it. And if we can lose ourselves in a belief
40:56
that we gained from childhood, then, you know, we can certainly
41:00
get lost in these bigger energies, which are given so
41:03
much airtime right now, you know, and that's the thing is,
41:06
you know, I teach people like, what are you putting in, it's
41:09
not just about the food you eat, or what you drink, or what you
41:12
consume? But it's like, how many screens? Are you looking at all
41:16
day? And what are you playing, you know, if you and I don't say
41:21
that people should not know what's going on. But at the same
41:23
time, if you're trying to manifest a happier life, a more
41:27
abundant life, love, whatever it is you're trying to do, if all
41:31
you're doing is getting into the details of what's not working in
41:36
life, you're blocking your energy from elevating, you know,
41:40
from rising, whatever the belief system that you have, you know,
41:44
divine source, or, you know, God or whatever the belief system,
41:48
as you're blocked from that, if you can't, you know, if you give
41:53
that energy away, you know, I heard somebody talking about
41:57
that, when the term paying attention, you're paying a price
42:02
for that. And so, you know, and I, you know, I was very, I was
42:06
like, a little hippie when I was a kid, and I was very active
42:09
politically. And so it is very hard for me to not look at that
42:13
stuff. But I know that I, if I want to be in an elevated state,
42:18
that's certainly not something I'm going to do before I go and
42:21
work with a client or go and work with a group, I need to
42:24
take care of my spiritual health. As a result of living
42:28
this life, I want to be the example and show you you can
42:32
live in this kind of state, but not if you're, you know, binge
42:35
watching Netflix, or you're binge watching, you know,
42:38
YouTube politics, and you battle these channels like it is, it is
42:44
happening, things are deconstructing, you know, it's
42:48
further evidence that things are changing. And we need different
42:53
tools, you know, so that's why I feel like yeah, this is you
42:56
really kind of put it all together. In a nutshell, this
42:59
feels like what I'm supposed to do. And I'm feeling a little bit
43:02
like a book is coming. You know, I have never written a book, but
43:06
sure, written in other documents that have been, you know, are
43:10
now being used in different things. And I'm just like, you
43:13
know, and I do, right, so another thing that I do to try
43:17
to put my healing energy out there, as I have a inspiring
43:20
guidance YouTube channel, I have I write for medium, I started
43:25
writing articles. And I write at least one article a week, mostly
43:29
about life lessons. Personal growth in those topics, I find a
43:35
lot about a lot of what comes up, especially with women who
43:39
primarily my clients are women, but sometimes I get men is, you
43:43
know how to have boundaries. Because when you start to
43:46
identify what doesn't work in your life, a lot of times people
43:50
find they have zero boundaries. And that's part of why they're
43:53
not happy because they're absorbing everyone else, you
43:55
know, they're trying to take care of everyone first. And it
43:59
feels like, so scary to them to even think of drawing a
44:04
boundary. You know, like, when we talk about this person, we
44:07
don't agree, so let's just not talk about this person. And
44:10
anytime you bring up that person, I'm gonna say I have to
44:13
go now. It's just a boundary, right? Because, right, how many
44:17
of us have dealt with that kind of situation within our families
44:20
within friendships where people are, they're just massively
44:24
disagreeing but you know what, I value you enough and I value
44:27
myself enough to say, let's draw the line here because I really
44:31
would like to keep this friendship and sometimes if
44:33
people can't do that, it's okay to let that go. Because you're
44:38
valuing yourself and so you know, so I write articles about
44:41
little pieces of this to kind of help and guide people and that
44:45
was one of the articles published there published on
44:49
medium so when you go to my website, you know if people are
44:52
interested, if they go to rock, your blocks my website, and you
44:56
sign up, then you would get into my email and then I put out
44:59
every time I put How to YouTube video. So I do YouTube video
45:02
guided meditations. And then I write articles on medium. And
45:08
yeah, and I have been using this thing called Insight Timer,
45:11
which is a wonderful, you know, meditation app. So I was like,
45:16
you know, I'm already making these videos. So I've been
45:18
posting audios on there of my short meditations that people
45:23
can use for, you know, just calming, soothing the nervous
45:26
system, just mostly, you know, 1015 minutes of just some
45:32
guidance, some inspiration, and, yeah, so. So I feel like, you
45:36
know, I'm just filled with this energy that I want to promote
45:41
and share this really, you know, neuroscience backed method. It's
45:47
really amazing, like they've done these, the Q EGS of the
45:51
brain, and you can see a difference in the brain before
45:56
and after the subconscious healings are done. So it's
46:01
fantastic. I mean, people have come to us with things that are
46:05
longstanding, like PTSD, from childhood abuse, to fear of
46:10
heights, these are all parts of us that got programmed, and they
46:15
just need to be released, they need to be told it's thank you
46:19
for all the protection but you don't need to protect me
46:21
anymore. And I can, you know, I can, you can stay with me, but
46:25
you got to get in the back seat. I tell people that you're not in
46:28
the driver's seat anymore. You know, thank you, thank you hugs.
46:32
But I got this.
46:35
Alan Carroll: I like the I like the the rock your blocks
46:39
concept. I remember a training I did with Warner Earhart, and the
46:45
S training back in the 70s. And he was talking about people are
46:50
sometimes resistant to break down, things are breaking down,
46:54
things are breaking, oh, I don't want things breaking down. No,
46:57
no, no, no, and reframed it. And he and he said after break down
47:04
comes break through. And so rather than resist what's
47:09
happening in the moment as something terrible look at it as
47:13
this has to happen in order for you to go to there. And so you
47:17
can you can look at your story is almost breakdown after
47:20
breakdown after breakdown, breakthrough after breakthrough
47:22
after breakthrough. And now we're culminating with a with a
47:26
with a cornucopia of energy, manifesting itself in groups and
47:31
writing and reading and books and all this energy that you are
47:35
a gift now you are a teacher, you are a you need a microphone
47:39
in order to spread it out into the world kinds of stuff.
47:43
That's, that's, that's an acknowledgment of the work
47:46
you've done, and the psychological suffering that
47:49
you've had to Crump in order to win that, that state of
47:55
mindfulness in a state of presence. And absolutely, the
47:59
idea is that there's a lot of things that when you put your
48:02
five senses out into the world, will stimulate you. And unless
48:07
you take that, that that consciousness and put it in the
48:12
body, which in the Buddhist tradition, they call it
48:15
embodiment, rather than this disinviting them with all the
48:19
thoughts going on inside you, but the past the present the
48:21
future, you go into your body, your body is very, very still.
48:28
And boy, you are allowing people a pathway in order to resolve
48:34
the blocks with a foundation of stillness, because you got to do
48:40
that you got to close your eyes, you can't be watching the
48:43
Netflix 24/7 can't be watching the politics 24/7 It can't be
48:47
watched, you can't, you got to be stopping all that which,
48:51
which to me is a which is in my business. It's a it is a letting
48:57
go of the egoic structures, the identity that you've identified
49:01
yourself as being and the realization that I'm that I have
49:05
those but not those. I'm the space that contains it. And you
49:09
mentioned space several times, and I'd like to just share with
49:12
you one of the definitions of love that I found rock rock my
49:19
blocks was was that love is the ability to give something the
49:25
space to be the way it is and the way it isn't. So you got to
49:33
give yourself the space to be the way you are or the way
49:36
you're not. You got to give other people the space to be the
49:39
way they are. They're not. And this idea of space creates the
49:43
hole that you talked about. And the hole allows the light to
49:46
come in. And the light is a divine light of the spirit to
49:50
call it whatever you want to call it the light of
49:51
mindfulness, the light of the the Infinite Light of
49:54
nothingness that illuminates the darkness that allows you to heal
49:59
the the suffering that is caused by the by the the the the media,
50:05
the programming from your parents who just did the best
50:09
they could with the resources they had at the Tony Robbins
50:11
quote, which I love people do the best they can with the
50:14
resources they have. It's like, well, that's that's a lot of
50:17
compassion in that one. I liked that. So you've mentioned many,
50:20
many things and I know people listening to you say, Wow, that
50:24
she's somebody I'd like to follow. So we'll we'll put all
50:27
your your information into the, into the notes so people can
50:33
contact you because you sound like you're like a candy store
50:36
with lots of lots of sleep candy, that a lot of people on
50:40
the journey, who have to have that suffering with like a
50:44
little piece of that candy in order to reduce the suffering
50:47
and you sound like a a candy vendor who has lots of great
50:51
candy that's going to not sugar I know you're I know the sugars
50:55
and you know, something for pleasure. So I want to I want to
51:02
just give you a chance to complete muscle want to thank
51:05
you for what you have said and and who you are for what you
51:09
have created in the world. And, and what you have creative for
51:13
other people in order to reduce the suffering and the blocks and
51:17
the barriers that that cause them to be running through life
51:22
with an anchor, pulling and pulling an anchor all the time
51:26
and you release the anchor and allow them to float, in my mind
51:30
like a hot air balloon and to the sky. It's just It's
51:32
wonderful to be able to talk with you. What would you like to
51:36
say to complete and do and to complete our podcast?
51:41
Unknown: I would just say that, you know, I think that's the
51:44
biggest, the biggest key is space. You know, you said that I
51:49
mentioned that several times. But to experience this kind of
51:53
healing just even once you bet creates enough space for shifts
51:59
to begin to happen. So I just want as many people as possible
52:04
to experience it at least once. Most people can't turn away
52:08
after that for me, I the first time I experienced it, I did it
52:13
every day for about six weeks. And at that six week I said I
52:17
need to become a certified teacher of this. I just can't
52:21
keep doing it and keeping it to myself. It doesn't feel right.
52:24
And the biggest benefit of that, like you have stated is it just
52:29
allows you to see possibility. And you know, trust yourself,
52:36
not fear, the change, but be able to look at that space and
52:42
say, oh my gosh, all those things that have been on my
52:46
list, right travel, painting, whatever it is, I get to do
52:51
those, I get to do those now because I've taken something
52:55
away, that was really not right for me anyway. So it just is
53:01
really the key to transformation. So I am so you
53:05
know blessed to have come here I feel like your your energy
53:10
really brought out the best of my my weaving a story. So I
53:14
really appreciate that. And I I hope that listeners will gain
53:18
something from this and reach out to me and become part of
53:23
some of my healing groups.
53:24
Alan Carroll: Wonderful. Well, you are a rich, rich source of
53:29
wisdom that inspires other people. So you're an inspiration
53:34
and I want to thank you very much for for inspiring our
53:37
audience on the mindful you podcast. So thank you, D
53:42
Unknown: Thanks, Alan. Take care