Latest / The Feel Good Club for Ambitious Moms of Neurodivergent Kids / How to Be Calmer in a Busy World
Transcript
- ROCKY: Those who work in a playful, relaxed manner tend to work efficiently and creatively. Would you like to make your child happy? Then get off work a little early today. Open up to people around you and feel connected. Welcome to the Feel Good Club Podcast. This is the place where ambitious working moms learn how to elevate their well-being. Increase success in all areas and create a positive, aligned life. Whether you're here to hear expert interviews or inspiring talks, this is your space to learn and grow. I'm Tia Graham, keynote and TED speaker, best-selling author, and founder of the Feel Good Club Community for High Achieving Moms. I am an expert in the science of happiness. This show is here to help you feel grounded, happier, and connected to yourself and others. I know you are going to love it. Thank you for being here. Let's dive in. Welcome back to the Feel Good Club for Working Moms. I am so, so grateful that you're here and that you've decided to take a little bit of time out of your hectic, full, extremely busy day. To give to yourself. Every single time that you do this, you signal to your body, to your soul, and to your mind that you matter as much as your kids, as much as your big career, as much as your family, and that you want to prioritize your well-being and your happiness. This week, we are gonna talk about. What happens when you slow down? And the reason I want to talk about this is there was a season in my life about five years ago where my older daughter started really, really struggling at home and at school. And later on that year, she was diagnosed with a rare disability, a rare type of autism. And there was so many changes. There were so many challenges. And I was still pursuing a growing keynote speaking career, working on a book, TED Talk, leadership training. I was doing writing, creating videos, just being a really, really, really busy entrepreneur. And my personal life. Was getting more and more difficult and challenging and stressful and emotional. And I had been going at a really, really fast speed for about 20 years. And maybe you're moving at a really fast speed right now. And I knew that I needed to change. That I didn't know how. I knew that the way that I was living and working and parenting was not sustainable. And that my fast energy and my at times stressful, very anxious energy was making things worse, especially for my older daughter. And so I began, began this quest. of becoming calmer and just slowing down. And this was so unbelievably unnatural for me. I am, I talk fast, I move fast, I, you know, my sister has always made fun of me that I have ADHD. Well come to find out I do have ADHD. So, you know, just that like frantic go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. never ever sitting down, never really resting. And I want to share with you and I want to talk with you about some ideas from this beautiful writer who is a monk. His name is Jaymin Sunim. And I encourage you to follow him. The book, one of the books that I read and kept rereading During this period, where you know I really wanted to slow down is the book called The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down. It's a beautiful, beautiful book. And I'm going to share just little parts with you. And I hope that you find this applicable and inspiring. And I hope there's some nuggets that you can take with you. As you start this season of the year. According to the Buddha's teaching, the boundary between the mind and the world is actually thin, porous, and ultimately illusory. So we think that everything happening in her mind is separate than what's happening in the world, yet it's all one. And so I want you to think about the question, why are you so busy? Are there things that are is the world making you busy or is your mind making you busy? He says feelings originate with the mind projecting its subjective experience onto the world. So you and I project our subjective experience outward, and then we experience feelings. The great thing is that we have agency, right? We can change, but it's not easy. And I will tell you, it took me. Over four years to s really, really learn how to slow down and how to be calmer. When we look at the outside world, he writes, we are only looking At only a small part that interests us. To our minds, that small world is the entire universe. Isn't that so flipping true? It's like what we think is reality is just this micro, micro, micro piece of what's actually happening. And it's just what we're focusing on. Given that the world we see through our mind's eye is limited, if we can train our mind and choose wisely where to focus, then we will be able to experience the world corresponding to our state of mind. And being a working mom makes you feel and makes me feel like so many parts are out of our control, and there's Many challenges. And so when you and I can be intentional about what's happening in our mind, our reality is going to shift for the better. The world is experienced according to the state of one's mind. When your mind rests, the world also rests. And if you are not Taking any time, daily or weekly, to rest your mind, I highly encourage you to start. Let's take a quick pause for something that can really support you. If you constantly question if you are good enough as a working mom and desperately want to feel happier, I'd love to invite you to a complimentary discovery call with me. In 45 minutes, We'll get clear on what is out of alignment, what you want your days to feel like, and two to three simple changes you can make immediately to feel calmer and more confident. It's completely free and it's a chance for us to connect and see if the Feel Good Club for Working Moms or one-on-one coaching might support you. To grab a spot, go to teagram.com Forward slash discovery call. That's tiagram.com forward slash discovery call. And pick a time that works for you. It's not the situation that is troubling us, but our perspective on it. And I have been working on this for years and years, at least seven, as my daughter's about to turn 12. Yet. I get better and better and better with wisdom and age. And I want you to also is when there's a situation, we can make it so much worse. We can create more suffering, more exaggeration. And we can also s notice the situation, notice how we feel about it, but not let it overtake us. He says we feel unhappy not just because something bad has happened, but also because of the swirling thoughts about what happened. When you have an unpleasant feeling, don't grab hold of it and turn it over and over and over. Instead, when you have an unpleasant feeling, leave it alone so it can flow. The wave of emotion will naturally recede on its own as long as you don't. Feed it by dwelling on it. If we know how to be content, we can relax our endless striving and welcome serenity. If we know how to be content, we can make peace with our past and let go of our baggage. And what's talked about a lot at the World Happiness Summit when I go is. Wanting what you have. And really that's being content. Right? If you think about right now and connect with everything you have, your children, your work, your family, your home, your health, friendships, nature, all the food, all the little things, you have so much to be content for. He asks, do memories cause you pain? Practice being in the present moment. As your thoughts quiet, so too the memories, because memories are in essence thoughts. And so the more and more you and I practice presence, then we don't feel the suffering of painful memories. As you focus more on others, you can reconnect with the meaning and purpose of your work. So if right now you feel like work is insane, the more you focus on others, the more meaningful work will feel overall. The wise do not fight the world. In the most relaxed and playful manner, they simply embody the truth that they are one with it. And don't you wish you could do that all the time? Not fighting what is, but just knowing that you are one with it. You're one with your spouse, you're one with your kids, you're one with your work, you're one with your family members. We're all one. And the more we can be relaxed and playful, ⁓ the experience is way, way better, right? Relax into the present moment. While finding humor in your life. When we are joyful, our heart opens to new things. Those who work in a playful, relaxed manner tend to work efficiently and creatively. I heard this great speaker at the mom 2.0 conference that I went to a couple months ago, and she talked about asking the question. How can I infuse this with joy and fun when thinking about your work goals or your life goals? And, you know, whether it's a quarterly goal or an annual goal is actually being thoughtful about how can I make this more fun? How can I make this more joyful? If we take time to look around, he says, we see ourselves surrounded by lovely moments. Would you like to make your child happy? Then get off work a little early today. Wait for your child in front of school. Horse around together on the playground, let your child choose where to go for dinner, and shower your child with your loving attention. On your way home, pick up ice cream for the family. Your child will remember this day forever. So simple, right? Isn't it tiring to constantly have to care for your body? Yes, sleep, exercise, healthy diet, and then we have to care for other people's bodies. It's tiring. Pat yourself on the back for the hard work you're doing and go to bed one hour earlier as a gift to your body. Do you have something on your mind? Then take a walk in the sun. Under the warmth of the sun, your brain will release serotonin, which calms your mind. Let's talk a little bit about mindfulness. Most people are completely absorbed in their emotions and have limited self-awareness. The negative emotion is only temporary and one that changes without your efforts. This is so important to remember that painful emotions will change when you do nothing. If you just let them pass like a wave and not get swept up and not stay in that washing machine over and over and over. Just watch it unfold. Let it settle down and transform on its own. Pure attention without judgment is not only the highest form of human intelligence, but also the expression of love. So when you think about your kids and they're having trouble, is giving attention and I like to say empathy without judgment. Once you awaken to this truth, you will not be swayed by negative emotions and can regard them as a passing cloud. Instead of identifying with them as a defining part of yourself, observe and befriend your painful emotions and the ones I feel the most, and you might be similar as fear, stress, some shame, not as much anymore these days, sadness, anger, maybe guilt. When we are overcome by insecurity and fear, we feel the inner workings of Hitler, he writes. So whenever you're overcome by insecurity and fear, don't judge yourself and just let these feelings pass. No person is always good or always bad. He writes, when you attack someone, it's often because you're afraid. And I've noticed when I'm really critical of my husband, it's I have fear around our kids. And it's actually really, really big inside of me, and I don't know what to do with it. And so it's, I need to get this out and then I will be critical. And I'm getting better and better, but I'm not perfect. But that's usually the where it comes from. He says if I had to summarize the entirety of most people's lives in a few words, it would be endless resistance to what is. If I had to summarize the entirety of an enlightened person's life in a few words, it would be complete acceptance of what is. As we accept what is, our minds are relaxed and composed, while the world is changes rapidly around us. So you and I together can work on this day in, day out, accepting what is with our kids, accepting what is with our work, accepting what is with our spouse or our ex. Accepting what is with our bodies, our emotions, our home. ⁓ accepting what is with politics. You could go on and on. By accepting what is and completely accepting what is, our minds will relax. Evaluating the present through the memories of the past can cause sadness. Okay, that's food for thought. Open up to people around you and feel connected. This is the true challenge of spiritual practice. Open up to people around you and feel connected. By wholly accepting who we are and realizing the enlightened nature of ourselves, connection with ourselves is possible. So how can you and I have deep conversations with ourselves? I hope that this talk, this conversation, had you feeling a little bit slower. There's a lot of things that you can see when you slow down. And I highly recommend Hymen Sunim's book. And I want you to remember to prioritize your happiness and your well-being. And if there's a working mom that you think needs to hear this episode, share it with her too. Till then, I'll see you next time.