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The Devil Hates Marriage: How to Date Well In The Internet Age | Lila Rose Show · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  The tactics you use for secular women versus the kind of rizz
• 0:02
  that you use for godly women, it's very different.
• 0:05
  You guys, I just, I really don't like that strategy.
• 0:07
  What are some reasons that people are having trouble
• 0:10
  getting married they. Have told me they absolutely
• 0:12
  love it when a guy just takes initiative.
• 0:14
  Sure, the man leads, but you can't expect him to do all the
• 0:18
  movement. You're trending towards marrying
• 0:20
  the FedEx person because that's the only person who's going to
• 0:22
  come to your door. The devil hates marriage.
• 0:25
  He doesn't want you to get married.
• 0:26
  Ladies, if you're going to remember one thing that I say in
• 0:29
  this podcast, remember these 3 words.
• 0:33
  How can women allow men to lead should men and women hang out
• 0:37
  one-on-one just as friends? Why does this professional
• 0:40
  matchmaker hate coffee dates for a first date and what
• 0:43
  controversial advice is there to help people who tend to
• 0:46
  overanalyze dating. Welcome back to the Isla Roe
• 0:48
  show. Today we're sitting down for our
• 0:50
  second dating panel. This is to help all of you
• 0:53
  singles and all of you people who love your singles With
• 0:55
  Franco from Franco TV, Alessandra with matchmaking in
• 0:58
  the city, Ryan from The Exorcist Files and a new special guest,
• 1:02
  Caitlin. Here at the show, we are very
• 1:05
  interested in thriving relationships and families and
• 1:08
  of course, dating is a major part of that.
• 1:11
  A big shout out to my friends over at Sacred Spark who are
• 1:14
  actually creating something beautiful to help people meet
• 1:16
  each other. If you want to join us on this
• 1:19
  mission at the show, Please ensure that you've hit the like
• 1:21
  button, leave us a like and a comment and join us over at
• 1:24
  patreon.com/lila Roe Show for bonus content, ad free episodes,
• 1:28
  and access to upcoming guests. Also, the merch, you guys, I'm
• 1:32
  so excited about this merch. This is new.
• 1:34
  We've never done merch on the show before and we've been
• 1:36
  working on this for months and we finally landed on some
• 1:39
  beautiful designs and styles. This is the sweater.
• 1:41
  It's perfect for Christmas, it's perfect for winter.
• 1:44
  It's perfect for a gift for your bestie or for yourself.
• 1:47
  Go check it out at shop.lilaroshow.com and I hope
• 1:51
  you enjoy. If you are a paid Patreon
• 1:53
  supporter of the show on our mission here, you also get a
• 1:56
  full 25% off your order. Go check it out at
• 1:58
  shop.lilaroshow.com. I'm so glad you all are here.
• 2:01
  Thank you for coming back and I'm very excited.
• 2:04
  We've got a new another guest that hasn't joined yet, one of
• 2:06
  my favorite people. So we're talking about dating
• 2:10
  relationships. The devil doesn't want you to
• 2:12
  get married with caveats, which Ryan will weigh in on shortly.
• 2:16
  But first, let's hear from everybody.
• 2:18
  Your name, relationship status and your generation.
• 2:24
  My name is Franco, I am single. And what was the other question?
• 2:28
  I said your generation you can do, you can give up your.
• 2:31
  Gen. Z and I'm I do a lot of social
• 2:33
  media type work, so I do Catholic content creation with
• 2:35
  my own channel and of course I help out with other beloved
• 2:38
  Catholics such as Lila. Thank you, Frank.
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  What's your channel called? The Franco TV.
• 2:43
  Franco TV. All right, let's put that in the
• 2:45
  show notes. Thank you bro I love that it's.
• 2:48
  A little plug there. All right.
• 2:50
  My name is Ryan Bethe longtime listener, third time attendee on
• 2:56
  the Lila Rose Show. I am a podcast host.
• 2:58
  I've been called the second best podcast in the Catholic Church
• 3:02
  since Lila Rose, despite being a Protestant hosting it, so maybe
• 3:06
  that's why. But now I am.
• 3:10
  What the Greek word stands for is millennial, which translates
• 3:13
  to older than Gen. Z.
• 3:16
  And so I am a but although I will say this, I recently saw an
• 3:20
  ad and AARP, you know, which does all the retirement planning
• 3:23
  stuff. They have campaigns for what are
• 3:25
  called geriatric millennials. Oh no.
• 3:27
  And I thought whoever is doing that needs to cease that
• 3:29
  branding immediately. What does that?
• 3:31
  Mean it means a certain like on like their spectrum right?
• 3:33
  We learned that Gen. Z earlier was 13 to 30 is that
• 3:36
  we found out. I think so, yeah.
• 3:38
  Yeah, so you're like an old. Gen.
• 3:39
  I feel kind of hunker. Yeah, yeah, right.
• 3:41
  So with millennials, it's the same thing.
• 3:42
  There's a spectrum, but apparently if you are on the
• 3:44
  older spectrum of millennial they have a term called
• 3:47
  geriatric millennial. So several angry emails later to
• 3:50
  AARP, I'll be dealing with them. But no.
• 3:53
  So I am unmarried and dating and it's been an awesome experience.
• 3:58
  And so relationship status, would you call it single or
• 4:01
  would you call it in a relationship?
• 4:02
  No. No I'm I'm single and just just
• 4:05
  dating. Excellent Alessandra.
• 4:08
  Lila, it's so great to be here. So I'm Alessandra Conti.
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  I am a matchmaker based in Beverly Hills.
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  I've been a matchmaker now for 13 years, which is just wild,
• 4:20
  wild to everybody. I also, even though it's so hard
• 4:24
  to believe because I look so youthful, I too am a millennial,
• 4:29
  you know, I too, I know it's shocking, shocking to to see.
• 4:34
  No, I'm totally joking. I was like.
• 4:36
  I mean, you do look useful, so that's.
• 4:38
  So sweet. I don't know, I feel like I.
• 4:41
  Think I was like everyone. Looks like I'm too seriously.
• 4:44
  That's so sweet. Thank you so much, Franco.
• 4:46
  No, but yes, I Yeah, I mean, I and I'm in a beautiful
• 4:50
  relationship, so happily, happily relationshipped.
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  However, I am working with single men and women every
• 4:59
  single day. I'm very much on the front
• 5:01
  lines. I hear it all and I remember
• 5:05
  vividly my single season, so I'm always happy to, you know, go
• 5:09
  back to that place. But yeah, happy to be here.
• 5:14
  And I'm Kaylin and I am in a relationship and I'm a
• 5:18
  millennial and I have the pleasure of working with Lila at
• 5:24
  Live Action. We love live action.
• 5:29
  Yeah, we love live action. Thank you for joining, Caitlin.
• 5:32
  OK, so there's so much to to talk about.
• 5:35
  And there was a pre call done where there was some heated
• 5:38
  debates that happened, which we're going to get into those as
• 5:41
  well. Franco had a really great idea.
• 5:43
  So we're going to go with Franco's idea, which was what
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  are some reasons that people are having trouble getting married?
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  What are the impediments that people have to marriage?
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  And you can use your personal experiences because I think I'm
• 5:53
  the only married person here. No, no, no virtue of my own, no
• 5:58
  virtue of my own. Actually, my thanks be to God
• 6:00
  for my husband. But what are some reasons that
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  you guys, in your experience, are impediments to marriage
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  today? Ladies first.
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  Yeah, I mean, I feel like with the dating apps, they've been
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  such a blessing, but also quite a curse as well because there's
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  the paradox of choice and there are just so many options.
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  But then when it comes down to it, if when single people are
• 6:26
  actually using the dating apps, they get burned out, they get
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  burned out on dating. They also were just swiping,
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  swiping, swiping with next best thing, next best thing, next
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  best thing. And a lot of times the the
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  feedback that I get from men and from women are very different.
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  So for women, I get that they're bombarded with messages, they
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  are just bombarded, they're bombarded with matches, they're
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  bombarded with messages and women kind of all across the
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  board, not just the most beautiful women that you've ever
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  seen, just kind of, you know, not that physical beauty is the
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  only thing, but I think on the dating apps, it does play a, it
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  plays a, a large role, you would think, but all kinds of women
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  are just being bombarded with messages and, and likes and all
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  of that. Whereas for men, men are getting
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  so few matches. I think that there was a
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  statistic that said for every 200 swipes, there's one, there's
• 7:22
  one match or there's one message and then out of that for it to
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  actually go into an actual date. And I think people stay on the
• 7:30
  apps and, and then they don't actually meet in person.
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  And then I also think that because of the dating apps, a
• 7:37
  lot of men and a lot of women not, they're not, it's not that
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  they're getting lazy. It's just that when they're
• 7:43
  meeting people in person, they're they're not, they're not
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  approaching them like men are not approaching women in person.
• 7:50
  There are a few men that are approaching women in person, but
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  those are the guys that are the charismatic guys that they're
• 7:57
  approaching all of the women in person.
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  But the nice, good guys, a lot of them are saying like, Oh my
• 8:04
  gosh, I don't want to, you know, upset her or I don't want to,
• 8:07
  you know, get rejected. So when back in the day, that
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  was the only way, like men had to approach women in person.
• 8:15
  They had to go to events, they had to be in the community.
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  But now a lot of them are relying on the apps and then
• 8:23
  the, the they're not getting a lot of match.
• 8:25
  So there's this, there's this really big imbalance.
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  So I think yes, the meeting of people is really big and also
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  the the paradox of choice and just people that are AD dating
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  and think there's always going to be somebody better.
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  And also the enemy. I mean, I could go on and on and
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  on, but the enemy is, is very prevalent in temptation.
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  So I think with a lot of men, they're struggling with porn,
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  They're struggling with, you know, even looking at just
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  scantily clad Instagram women, and that's really perverting
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  their brains and it's making infidelity a lot easier.
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  Like there's a there's a lot I could go on for hours, but those
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  are the first points that I'll make, yeah.
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  I mean, I agree with that, like so much I think.
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  And not that the devil is responsible for every
• 9:13
  shortcoming that we experience, but I do strongly believe that
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  the reason why a lot of people just haven't found their The One
• 9:22
  is because we, a lot of people are not seeking to aim for
• 9:30
  living like the incarnation of goodness itself, which is Jesus
• 9:34
  Christ. But I want to make it clear that
• 9:37
  I've been seeing a very huge correlation within my active
• 9:43
  seeking to grow in virtue through God, of course, is the
• 9:47
  source of virtue and finding, you know, people that are worthy
• 9:53
  of being married. I'm not saying that people that
• 9:54
  I'm perfect or that they're perfect.
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  I mean, in fact, like, I think, you know, I'm pretty objective
• 9:59
  about saying like, OK, they have things they need to work on.
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  I have things I need to work on. But I do think that I really do
• 10:04
  think that it does come down to are you seeking to imitate the
• 10:08
  incarnation of goodness himself? Ryan, what do you think?
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  Those are all, I actually agree with everything that's been said
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  so far. But I think one thing that's
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  really important when you try and extrapolate lessons about
• 10:19
  this one, it's so different for everybody.
• 10:22
  I mean, I've been, I love asking people how they met, what their
• 10:25
  love story is, etcetera. We talked about your how you met
• 10:28
  your husband, the last one and it's yeah.
• 10:30
  Are there trends? Of course.
• 10:31
  Are there different ebbs and flows or how people meet?
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  Yes. And it's done differently all
• 10:35
  over the world too, right. And so it's a challenge because
• 10:38
  I think we always, especially me as like an entrepreneur who
• 10:41
  likes to build business, what's the replicable system and how do
• 10:45
  we copy that and do it. And obviously, and if you're a
• 10:47
  person of faith and you believe that God is somehow involved in
• 10:51
  a mysterious way in your life, guiding A enormously important
• 10:56
  decision, then it can be really difficult because like I know
• 10:59
  people who prayed and prayed and was like, you know, it, nothing
• 11:03
  happened. And then one day they were at a
• 11:05
  grocery store and they bumped into someone and it was like
• 11:07
  amazing. And it happened.
• 11:08
  It was their person. I also know people that went out
• 11:11
  there and went on the apps and like said, Hey, set me up with
• 11:13
  everyone and put themselves out there and they met people as
• 11:16
  well. So I just think it's we had to
• 11:18
  be careful not to try and paint with too broad a strokes because
• 11:21
  Mary, it's, you know, the Bible in particular.
• 11:24
  I'm always, I always marvel at how little it has to say
• 11:27
  relative to how big of a decision getting married is
• 11:29
  right? We have verse and chapter in the
• 11:32
  Song of Solomon on like, romance.
• 11:33
  We have some proverbs at the tail end of like, how to pick
• 11:36
  and make sure she's good with flax, right?
• 11:38
  And real estate, you know, essential.
• 11:40
  She's her, her light is always on and she's working all night,
• 11:43
  all night. And you're like, OK.
• 11:45
  But for something that we make such enormous deal about and
• 11:47
  it's like, wow, there's really not many guys.
• 11:49
  We had a couple stories of like, you know, hire someone to go out
• 11:52
  and, you know, take your servant to where the camels are watered.
• 11:54
  But am I supposed to extrapolate Isaac's story?
• 11:57
  You need the Book of Tobit. Yeah, well, see, and there are
• 12:01
  books missing from my Bible. Apparently, but that one has
• 12:04
  some good some good relationships, but.
• 12:05
  It's hard, but I would say the big thing is for me personally,
• 12:09
  I have, I think consumerism is a huge deal because today the
• 12:12
  narrative is that for all of us is that we are the center of the
• 12:15
  universe. And I don't think it's
• 12:17
  surprising that, and I'm just preaching to myself here, that
• 12:19
  like we've had, it's a mentality of like, all right, actually, I
• 12:24
  was, I was at a conference last year and I had two of my female
• 12:27
  friends and they were like, hey, like, so we're going to set you
• 12:29
  up with a scribble, like, you know what, what are you looking
• 12:31
  for? So I was like, what are you
• 12:32
  looking for in someone, right? Which again, not a bad thing,
• 12:34
  right? And then a friend of mine comes
• 12:36
  up like in between interrupts and goes, hey, at the time I
• 12:39
  didn't know her that well. She goes, uh huh, Change the
• 12:41
  question. Like, what do you bring to the
• 12:44
  table? How can you serve?
• 12:45
  What would you get excited about serving in a relationship?
• 12:48
  And I thought, wow, you don't even know me.
• 12:49
  That's very blunt. But she's like, no, she's like,
• 12:52
  if you are just all about getting fulfillment from, you
• 12:55
  know, your own personal desires, like those fade, those change,
• 12:57
  but like, what are you excited and how you can serve someone?
• 12:59
  And so that actually really changed a lot of my framework on
• 13:02
  this. And I started talking to God
• 13:04
  more about this and saying, OK, what do I need to do?
• 13:07
  And how can I like partner with you guys to go find someone that
• 13:10
  I can then like do a mission with together like that, I can
• 13:13
  like build like legacy as opposed to just someone to
• 13:15
  fulfill my time to make me happy.
• 13:17
  And I think that's a huge issue we had.
• 13:19
  I was with someone recently who's a marriage therapist and
• 13:22
  he was taught he did his doctoral thesis on just the
• 13:25
  history of marriage and how like what it meant thousands of
• 13:29
  years. Like it was it was a survival,
• 13:30
  it was a partnership, right? You got married, you know, and
• 13:32
  this idea of like, oh, I really need to be fulfilled in all
• 13:35
  these ways and they need to be XY and Z.
• 13:36
  And I'm not saying that's bad, right?
• 13:37
  I would love preference is great.
• 13:39
  But he's like, you did not have that luxury.
• 13:41
  And today we are, as you said, you know, so well, like we are
• 13:44
  surrounded with this cornucopia of just options.
• 13:48
  And for me, it's been paralyzed. So I've actually in a really
• 13:50
  cool season since our last dating panel.
• 13:52
  I can chart my year based on how many dating panels have been on
• 13:55
  for Viola. So one panel ago.
• 13:58
  One of these panels is going to be like.
• 14:01
  I read this book and and we'll get into it later, but there's a
• 14:04
  kind of quiz or like this index, you know, where you just kind of
• 14:07
  ask yourself these questions And I'm like, man, in my business, I
• 14:10
  travel all the time. I go meet people, like careers
• 14:12
  have been a huge hindrance, I think, because I've been putting
• 14:15
  so much stock in my personal, which I'm a guy.
• 14:18
  I love working. It's a but like, Oh, I'm
• 14:20
  realizing I have some major life imbalances that have been issues
• 14:23
  and I'm like, OK, that's been a big deal.
• 14:25
  But this quiz you kind of take and in the end it goes like, are
• 14:28
  you, how often are you going to like see meet new people?
• 14:31
  How is your life basically? Are you having dinners and
• 14:34
  lunches with the same people, working all the time?
• 14:36
  And then when you relax or you just hanging out with your
• 14:38
  family or just on the weekends, like the same thing.
• 14:41
  And he goes, where else in life would you just do the same thing
• 14:43
  over and over again and expect any different result?
• 14:45
  And at the end of the quiz, like if you basically score this like
• 14:48
  you're trending towards marrying the FedEx person because that's
• 14:51
  the only person who's going to come to your door, you know,
• 14:53
  Amazon, whatever. And I thought, OK, I need to
• 14:56
  shake some things up. And so for me, yeah, I actually
• 14:58
  kind of had a big personal revelation, like, OK, I need to
• 15:01
  start. I believe God can do anything.
• 15:03
  I believe God can. Like, you know, God could
• 15:05
  arrange that way. But I'm like, you know what?
• 15:07
  Everything else in life is just better when you get out there
• 15:09
  and start making moves and say, God, would you guide me?
• 15:12
  And then let's see what happens. And so in the course of that,
• 15:15
  I've just met some incredible people, put myself out there
• 15:17
  more and just said, hey, you asked, you know, we talked a
• 15:20
  little bit earlier about like how people meet people.
• 15:22
  And I'm like, yeah, I just said people I love and respect.
• 15:25
  Hey, if you know someone, right, you know me and so I trust you
• 15:29
  if you say go get to know someone, grab a coffee, get a
• 15:32
  meal. I just trust you if I am.
• 15:33
  So I've been doing that and just been an open posture and it's
• 15:36
  been amazing. I think once you kind of make
• 15:38
  that decision internally and then take steps to do that, it
• 15:41
  has been really a really rewarding experience so far.
• 15:43
  So I feel like I was just kind of in short, I was sitting at
• 15:47
  home in one sense, like, Oh yeah, God will just bring it.
• 15:50
  And I'm like that that make that could happen, but it generally
• 15:53
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  So here here's a question. What's the posture that you
• 17:42
  think women should have and men should have, if differently, a
• 17:46
  different posture when it comes to putting yourself out there,
• 17:50
  being findable, looking for that other person.
• 17:53
  Obviously, we're all talking about this from a perspective of
• 17:56
  faith that God is the one who is in charge and God is our Father.
• 18:00
  He loves us, He has a plan. Satan has no power compared to
• 18:03
  God, but he uses our free will, right?
• 18:05
  What is the role? Are there specific roles of men
• 18:09
  and women, especially in the early stages of dating?
• 18:11
  Certainly in marriage there's roles.
• 18:12
  We're not really talking about that yet.
• 18:14
  But what are the roles of men and women in dating and how are
• 18:17
  they different is the question. So women should chase, not.
• 18:20
  Women should. Chase.
• 18:22
  I can just. Sort of joke it is.
• 18:24
  Franko wants to be chased at something.
• 18:25
  Yeah, Frank, you guys 2 girls? Later you.
• 18:29
  Know so well we're. Gonna get DMS.
• 18:31
  You're gonna get DMS after this Ranko no.
• 18:36
  On the Chase, I know, Ryan, you're going in a second.
• 18:38
  There's an amazing book, Men Chase, Women Choose by.
• 18:42
  Oh my goodness, what is her name?
• 18:44
  Just look it up. Men Chase, Women Choose.
• 18:46
  And it's all about psychology and science and Doctor Don
• 18:49
  Mesler. Doctor Don Mesler, Phenomenal
• 18:52
  book. Phenomenal book.
• 18:53
  Sorry, Ryan, go for it. So wait, So what?
• 18:56
  Just to follow up, what does it mean according to this doctor
• 18:59
  Don? What's his name?
• 19:00
  Doctor Don Mesler. Doctor Don Mesler.
• 19:02
  She's a woman. What does I'm?
• 19:03
  Sorry. Yeah, sorry.
• 19:07
  Her Lila. So wait, what does it mean for?
• 19:10
  What does it mean? Can you define what choosing
• 19:13
  looks like versus cheating? How are?
• 19:14
  They different. I feel like Ryan should go first
• 19:16
  because. He's already took it, She.
• 19:18
  She chose for me to go pursue. That's how that's the backwards
• 19:22
  right? That's how it worked.
• 19:23
  I was chosen to go 1st and pursue.
• 19:26
  No, again, I'll always come back because I just I have I've now
• 19:30
  in your because it's my favorite question to ask almost all my
• 19:33
  married friends whenever I meet them.
• 19:34
  I was like, how did you meet your spouse if they have one?
• 19:37
  And it is just yeah. Are there some trends I've seen?
• 19:39
  Absolutely. But generally it's also wildly
• 19:42
  different for everyone. And you know, I so for me
• 19:46
  personally, I like to pursue right.
• 19:49
  I like taking action, etcetera. You know, is there a is do I
• 19:52
  think that's generally how it works better.
• 19:55
  But this way of all my like female friends when I've just
• 19:57
  talked about this, assuming we're all like being honest with
• 20:00
  each other, they have told me they absolutely love.
• 20:02
  Of it and appreciate when a guy just takes initiative and I
• 20:06
  always wonder like what that is because everyone's plenty
• 20:08
  capable like we're all capable of making a dinner reservation.
• 20:11
  Like what is it about a guy who just says hey, like I I'm making
• 20:16
  plans at 7:00 right? Can you be ready?
• 20:19
  I've arranged all of it like is that just our cultural construct
• 20:22
  or like. But I most of my female friends
• 20:24
  say I so deeply appreciate that right.
• 20:26
  And is, and again, from a spiritual standpoint, it does
• 20:30
  seem to me to be like, OK, men seem to be wired.
• 20:33
  And even if you look at our just our biology, right, if it's true
• 20:36
  that testosterone makes us more aggressive and action oriented
• 20:40
  and we're wired differently, like, yeah, maybe that's it.
• 20:41
  But on the other hand, I also know people like obviously we
• 20:44
  have also a very famous biblical account of a woman stepping up
• 20:47
  and being like, you know what, I'm I, I know what I want.
• 20:51
  And so I would be careful to make.
• 20:54
  Chapter and verse. I actually do.
• 20:56
  I would love can you tell briefly what Ruth did?
• 20:59
  I'll make sure I get my theology.
• 21:00
  But Ruth basically, well, I wouldn't recommend doing this
• 21:03
  per SE. Right, because she laid at the
• 21:04
  feet of the person, right? She wanted to get married.
• 21:07
  Boaz, we can. I'll edit this if I'm on.
• 21:09
  Those days it was like if you sleep together, you're married
• 21:11
  basically, right? Well.
• 21:12
  She said that was. Part of the custom.
• 21:14
  Right, but she was like I I think the point was that she
• 21:17
  like she also, I think her mentor anyway, we should totally
• 21:19
  double check this on theology. But like her mentor was like,
• 21:21
  Hey, go was it Naomi told her to do that.
• 21:23
  I'll go look it up. Let me ask truthly.
• 21:25
  Ask truthly, yeah, this is a good sponsor invention.
• 21:27
  But again, all this, all that to say, I have had like, in fact, I
• 21:33
  dated a girl and it started off because we were just friends and
• 21:36
  she said, hey, one day she came over and she's like, Hey, FYI,
• 21:39
  I've actually just like, I've tried to kind of send some
• 21:42
  signals, right? And in the off chance that like
• 21:46
  it just wasn't clear, because I will say as a guy, women
• 21:48
  sometimes think it's being very clear.
• 21:50
  And yes, generally speaking, like if you know, you seem to
• 21:53
  know, it's like, you know, if a human being is interested in you
• 21:55
  just period of talking or whatever.
• 21:57
  But it is possible to miss, to be missing each other.
• 22:00
  It's like, hey, I just think you're really cool.
• 22:01
  And I would love to. I just, my feelings are more
• 22:04
  than friends. And I'd be totally open if
• 22:05
  that's something you ever wanted to pursue.
• 22:07
  And I was like, actually, yeah, I realized because I've just
• 22:12
  been kind of friends for all. But I was like, you're also, I
• 22:14
  was kind of like moved like, yeah, you're really cool.
• 22:17
  And we ended up dating for a long time, you know, and I was
• 22:20
  like, so I would say there are exceptions to that, but I
• 22:24
  generally would be in the camp of I I like the idea of the guy
• 22:27
  pursuing. But to the point you laid out
• 22:30
  earlier, especially online dating, it is like, it would be
• 22:32
  so tough to be a girl. And like, I've had my female
• 22:34
  friends show me their like Hinge accounts and I'm like, this is
• 22:37
  wild. Hundreds of just shirtless guys
• 22:40
  with dogs. So really quick great by
• 22:44
  biblical reference. Thank you Ryan about Ruth the
• 22:47
  approach to Boaz. So I just asked truthfully tell
• 22:49
  me the story. What did Ruth do to find a
• 22:51
  husband in the Bible. So in the book of Ruth, she and
• 22:54
  the anyway she's to support herself and Naomi.
• 22:57
  Ruth's story begins with her decision to stay with Naomi
• 22:59
  rather than to return to home people.
• 23:01
  She's in the field. She's supporting herself.
• 23:04
  Anyways. That leads her to the fields of
• 23:05
  Boaz, a relative of Naomi's late husband.
• 23:08
  Naomi, recognizing the potential for Boaz to be a kinsman
• 23:11
  Redeemer, advises Ruth to seek his protection according to the
• 23:14
  custom of the Liverite marriage. And then what?
• 23:17
  She does what you just stated, Ryan.
• 23:19
  Ruth approaches Boaz at the threshing floor, a place where
• 23:23
  he rests during the harvest. She lies at his feet, a
• 23:26
  traditional gesture, asking for his protection and indicating
• 23:29
  her openness to marriage. And then he redeems her as a
• 23:33
  wife. It says ultimately he takes her
• 23:35
  as wife. What do you think, Franco?
• 23:38
  I definitely like agree with what you're saying that taking
• 23:41
  the more generally traditional attitude as a man, but at the
• 23:45
  same time, and I feel like I really feel you on the hold on
• 23:50
  maybe like not don't take it to an absolute extremity.
• 23:54
  I mean, sure, like the man should always be taking
• 23:55
  leadership, but I do think, and I would like to, I, I think the
• 24:00
  best way to describe my position is that it's a dance.
• 24:03
  You can't sure, the man leads, but you can't expect him to do
• 24:08
  all the movement. The, the woman also has to
• 24:10
  respond. And what I've seen, it's
• 24:13
  interesting. I feel like I've, I've, I've
• 24:14
  seen the opposite with true very traditional women and women that
• 24:17
  just did not grow up in that kind of mindset.
• 24:20
  Like when you mention like maybe sometimes the girl might take
• 24:23
  initiative like there was a girl that this is a bit of a flex,
• 24:27
  but this girl drove like like 7 hours to come see me when we
• 24:34
  weren't even like dating. Now given like it's a little bit
• 24:38
  it's not super clip. It was because of me.
• 24:39
  But from the chronological form of events that happened, she
• 24:44
  learned that I was in California back when I was still living in
• 24:46
  Virginia. I was back in California
• 24:49
  visiting and, and I'll and she was, and I was like, yeah, I was
• 24:53
  just in your area. I'm actually going down, down to
• 24:55
  Orange County now. And she's like, what's like, I
• 24:58
  literally live around like around this area.
• 24:59
  And she was like, I don't know if I have work on Monday, like I
• 25:03
  can't exactly go down to Orange County, but I had had some
• 25:05
  friends invited me. But yeah, I know.
• 25:06
  I just, I don't, I don't think so.
• 25:07
  And I'm like, yeah, no worries, you know, you know, that's plan
• 25:11
  whatever, right. Then like within like a few
• 25:13
  hours or so, she's like, yeah, I've made some calls.
• 25:15
  I'm I'm on my way to Orange County.
• 25:17
  So I'm like, OK, like that's like that, that like for me I
• 25:20
  was like, that was that was initiative, right?
• 25:22
  Did that make you like her more or less or did it impact how
• 25:25
  much? That made me think incredibly
• 25:27
  highly of her now given there is some context just so women
• 25:30
  listening to this don't go out and become reckless.
• 25:33
  We had gone a date like when we met about a month or so earlier
• 25:37
  prior and I did initiate all of that.
• 25:39
  Like I went up to her, I asked for a number, etcetera.
• 25:43
  I asked her on a date, like I did initiate all that right, But
• 25:46
  I was very also intentional with her.
• 25:48
  I was like, hey, like not looking for something long
• 25:50
  distance right now. And so that was that was that.
• 25:54
  And so that that was kind of the context.
• 25:56
  So and I really wanted to hammer that because you can't just what
• 26:02
  she did. I feel like it's very dangerous.
• 26:04
  If it's like if, if, if, if I was just some guy that just is
• 26:07
  very worldly and just doesn't care.
• 26:09
  Like to me, like that meant so much to me.
• 26:11
  I was like, holy crap. And this is like, so I've I've
• 26:14
  seen that kind of like, OK, this is really good.
• 26:16
  And we did have a pretty healthy relationship.
• 26:18
  Sure, there were issues and we did end up breaking up, but that
• 26:21
  was actually like, I mean, there were a lot of things, a lot of
• 26:24
  the versions that she had or some of the versions that I just
• 26:26
  wasn't really seeing with some like maybe more traditional kind
• 26:31
  of women. And like, and not that like, of
• 26:34
  course, yes, men should chase 100%.
• 26:38
  But yeah, I do believe that it's a dance and the hard disposition
• 26:43
  there. Yeah, you should.
• 26:45
  You should not be a coward to dance.
• 26:48
  I should say did. You give her gas money.
• 26:49
  Did. Not give her gas money Later on
• 26:52
  we were dating. I think it's important that you
• 26:54
  asked her out first. I think the the point is she
• 26:56
  expressed interest like by just indicating A warmth to you, you
• 27:00
  were interested, you asked her out, it didn't go a next step
• 27:02
  and then she took initiative. Another thing that I want to
• 27:05
  make sure that that people do know that by the way, is that
• 27:08
  this girl, it's not like, you know, this might sound like
• 27:10
  insane to some people, but like this girl did know exactly like
• 27:13
  what she was looking for. Like when apparently she told me
• 27:16
  this later, but when she had got back home from because we were
• 27:20
  both in a different state when we first met, when she got back
• 27:22
  home, she actually had told her her mother.
• 27:25
  She's like, this was like, like this this guy like met like
• 27:28
  almost all my standards like this is.
• 27:30
  And so that so she knew what she wanted, right.
• 27:33
  It wasn't like, oh, I mean, I like this guy Franco.
• 27:37
  No, there were good virtues that I just happened to have that of
• 27:41
  course. So I mean, yeah, sure, there is
• 27:43
  unique uniqueness within the soul there.
• 27:45
  So I don't want to sell my short, sell myself short there.
• 27:47
  But yeah, anyways, that is what. Happened Franco.
• 27:50
  Yeah. We grilled her last time and
• 27:53
  what happened to, you know, her guy?
• 27:54
  What happened to this girl who drove 7 hours?
• 27:56
  Well, in short, or there were In short, there were some
• 28:00
  disagreements on a specific virtue that I value a lot and
• 28:04
  there were, but I mean, the main thing though, and is actually
• 28:06
  heard that end up breaking up with me.
• 28:09
  It was she actually realized, thanks, man, she actually
• 28:13
  realized that. And I think she realizes faster
• 28:15
  than me that like there were some goals that we they were
• 28:18
  just weren't aligned. I'm the kind of person that
• 28:20
  tries to really try to make it work no matter what.
• 28:24
  And that is a good version to have in marriage.
• 28:26
  But this isn't marriage yet. This is dating.
• 28:29
  So there's a lot of nuance here. And This is why it's so good to
• 28:31
  have a spiritual counselor that you're reporting to.
• 28:33
  And I was not doing that with this girl because you can't look
• 28:36
  at your life objectively if it's just by yourself.
• 28:38
  And maybe like with this person that you're biased towards, like
• 28:40
  if you have to have a spiritual counselor, which is why I think
• 28:42
  it is kind of a red flag if somebody does not have a
• 28:44
  spiritual counselor and they're dating.
• 28:46
  But anyways, like, yeah, different goals, different kind
• 28:50
  of lifestyle expectations and and later on I realize I'm like,
• 28:53
  yeah, I did not have the best chemistry with this girl
• 28:55
  actually. But that being said, like the
• 28:58
  good virtues there were really great.
• 29:00
  Kaylin, what do you think in terms of men and women's roles?
• 29:04
  Is it chase versus choose or should women dance put
• 29:08
  themselves out on the dance floor?
• 29:10
  Yeah, it's a great analogy. We don't know.
• 29:12
  I think at the beginning when you're first meeting someone, I
• 29:17
  agree that the man is typically the one to pursue the girl and
• 29:22
  ask her out. And I think most women would
• 29:24
  agree that's what they want. And I think most men would agree
• 29:28
  that's how they would want it to go as well.
• 29:31
  In the beginning, women want to be loved, they want to be seen.
• 29:35
  And men want, I believe, want to protect and pursue.
• 29:39
  And the more that a woman receives that, like you were
• 29:43
  saying or responds Franco and shows maybe gratitude or just a
• 29:48
  respect. Thank you so much for taking me
• 29:50
  out. Thank you for, you know, maybe
• 29:52
  paying for dinner or whatever it is that encourages the man then
• 29:56
  to do it again. And I think it is it becomes a
• 29:59
  dance. And the more that you date, it
• 30:00
  becomes a dance. But of course it depends on
• 30:03
  personalities. Everybody like you were saying
• 30:05
  earlier, sometimes a personality trait, you know, a woman might
• 30:08
  be super strong willed and know what she wants.
• 30:11
  And I mean, there's variations, but generally speaking, I do
• 30:17
  think it's a beautiful design for the men to pursue the the
• 30:23
  women. Were you pursued in your
• 30:24
  currents? Yes.
• 30:26
  Absolutely. Yes, and now.
• 30:28
  And you enjoyed that? Yeah.
• 30:29
  Yeah. Yeah, yes.
• 30:31
  No. Cuz a lot of girls say it's like
• 30:33
  refreshing. I've had, I've had my female
• 30:34
  friends say like, yeah, he like he was totally clear in what he
• 30:37
  wanted, right? We haven't gotten into the whole
• 30:39
  like, you know, texting non committal, just like, where does
• 30:42
  he stand? You know?
• 30:43
  So you appreciate that's interesting here cuz I, I will
• 30:46
  say some of my female friends have said they secretly also
• 30:48
  enjoy the back to the ambiguity of like what is happening,
• 30:52
  right? Say no, it is.
• 30:53
  That is toxic. No, it isn't.
• 30:55
  No, I've had like that's I mean, yeah, I've had I've seen that
• 30:58
  happen and I've all seen guys be very like forthcoming and the
• 31:01
  girls like, oh, wait, this is weird.
• 31:02
  Like he just said exactly what he wants.
• 31:04
  The tactics you use for secular women versus like the kind of
• 31:08
  rizz that you use for godly women, it's very different.
• 31:10
  Tactics and rizz. OK, that's a great topic.
• 31:13
  So let's go there next. The tactics you use for secular
• 31:17
  women is different than the tactics.
• 31:18
  For the rizz so. So, so.
• 31:22
  So first of all, you know, as people, I mean, yeah, as people
• 31:27
  of faith, like we want to marry people who share faith, right?
• 31:31
  Oh, yeah, Yes. Would everyone agree with that?
• 31:33
  Yes. I just want we're told we, it's,
• 31:35
  it's kind of a rule, right? Yeah, sure.
• 31:39
  It's not a preference. Question is why are you dating
• 31:41
  secular? Women, secular women for bro.
• 31:46
  No, no, I used to be very secular before I came to the
• 31:48
  faith, so I kind of like. You know how much I love and
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• 33:30
  I I love the analogy of masculinity is the lines and
• 33:36
  femininity is the color. So it's like in a coloring book,
• 33:40
  masculinity is the lines and femininity is the color.
• 33:44
  I'm pretty colored, yeah. You are Oh gosh, Oh no.
• 33:47
  Oh dear. So I love when, when we look at
• 33:51
  masculinity and femininity in that way, and then when we can
• 33:55
  apply that to dating and how that would manifest itself.
• 33:58
  It's I love what Franco was saying about the dance.
• 34:02
  I think that it's so true. And we tell women 3 words and
• 34:07
  ladies, if you're going to remember one thing that I say in
• 34:10
  this podcast, remember these 3 words.
• 34:13
  Let him lead. Let him lead because a lot of
• 34:20
  women, they're like, oh, well, I can exactly what what you were
• 34:23
  saying, Brian. They're they can make the
• 34:25
  reservation. They know the best restaurant in
• 34:26
  town. They can do this, this, this,
• 34:28
  this, this. And a lot of times, especially
• 34:30
  with the women that we work with all the time who are very
• 34:33
  successful and successful, beautiful, smart, They're highly
• 34:38
  capable. They know their city.
• 34:39
  They know what they like. They know what they don't like.
• 34:41
  They're very inclined to. They they're like, oh, well, I
• 34:45
  can. OK, why are we talking so much?
• 34:47
  Like, are you free Friday? What's going on?
• 34:49
  OK, great. 7:00 PM But then it's not, we have to let the man lead
• 34:56
  and you can make little little. So also another quick concept
• 35:03
  that I love is dropping the handkerchief.
• 35:05
  And I don't know if you guys have heard this concept before.
• 35:08
  I'm sure you've, you've, you've heard of it, but it is something
• 35:11
  that we're, we love to teach the bachelorettes when they're in
• 35:15
  their single season of dropping your handkerchief and you got
• 35:19
  kind of a, you got something like you got a handkerchief
• 35:22
  thrown at you like the what your friend did, which was lovely.
• 35:26
  And I think that's also why male, female friendships can be
• 35:28
  very problematic unless they're very strong boundaries in place.
• 35:32
  That's a different conversation, 100%.
• 35:34
  But it's a bold claim. But I will die on that hill.
• 35:39
  What's the claim you're going to die on?
• 35:40
  But I think male and female friendships are fine with very
• 35:44
  strong boundaries. I have.
• 35:46
  Totally very strong boundaries and I don't.
• 35:48
  Think this is on the very strong.
• 35:49
  Strong lines in our coloring book.
• 35:51
  Very strong lines, yeah. For friendship for.
• 35:53
  Friendship. I think one way to think about
• 35:56
  male female friendships in my opinion is if I was married
• 36:00
  right now, would this friendship be appropriate 100%?
• 36:03
  If it's not something that would be appropriate if I was married,
• 36:06
  then it's not really just a friendship.
• 36:08
  You're telling me you can't be on long like 3 hour phone calls
• 36:11
  with a man who's not your husband?
• 36:12
  No, I no 100% and I think no one on ones.
• 36:15
  I think that that's a really great guideline of no one on
• 36:19
  ones with male, female, male, female friends because, and I
• 36:23
  think it the enemy also does kind of work its way in there
• 36:26
  because then a man that is doing all these one on ones with these
• 36:30
  amazing women, Where's the room for your wife?
• 36:33
  What if it's one-on-one pickleball?
• 36:35
  It's still inappropriate. That sounds like a date.
• 36:38
  It sounds like a. No, there's other people waiting
• 36:41
  to play. But it's just one.
• 36:42
  On one, we're not playing double.
• 36:43
  S No, but it's it's still a date.
• 36:45
  I I think it's ruined the friendship as the great Taylor
• 36:48
  Swift has a song that says ruined the friendship.
• 36:51
  There's no just sorry. I know it was a little
• 36:53
  triggering the Taylor Swift thing.
• 36:55
  No, I, I think that's a great reference.
• 36:56
  I don't like, you know, I don't like a lot of the stuff that you
• 36:58
  propose. But you know, Taylor.
• 36:59
  Swift I. Don't.
• 37:01
  I am curious, but you said the handkerchief, So what?
• 37:03
  Is that exact? Dropping the handkerchief very
• 37:05
  quickly. The handkerchief is just looking
• 37:06
  at the guy like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 37:09
  I wish it was. I wish drive. 7 hours to see
• 37:11
  him. Yeah, give me an example of
• 37:13
  handkerchief, Kayla. How?
• 37:14
  Do you guys drop your handkerchiefs?
• 37:15
  Yeah, I think with women dropping the handkerchief, it's
• 37:17
  just saying some kind of saying, either saying something that's
• 37:22
  like, oh, do you know what? If you're at the Starbucks and
• 37:25
  you see a cute guy without a wedding ring and he's wearing a
• 37:27
  cross, you know, ideally, you know, this is.
• 37:30
  The three criteria. No wedding ring?
• 37:32
  Wearing a cross? Ladies, go drop that hand.
• 37:36
  Over 6 foot. No, not five, no, no, we don't
• 37:41
  have a but if you're making making an unrelated comment and
• 37:44
  dropping the handkerchief, but then being open to conversation
• 37:47
  and continuing that conversation and then before the conversation
• 37:51
  ends, being like, Oh my gosh, you're so sweet.
• 37:52
  Here, take my number or here, take my Instagram like you're
• 37:55
  great. So that's that's that's the way
• 37:58
  that we would that I would, you know, tell a woman to drop.
• 38:01
  The you're saying is it initiating or is it saying or is
• 38:03
  it like just making a comment saying I'm open to being talked?
• 38:07
  To it can be initiating it's it can be also saying something
• 38:11
  that with your friend being like, Oh my gosh, like Brian,
• 38:13
  you look so strong today. Like what you just making a?
• 38:16
  No one ever says that that. No.
• 38:19
  I would be like, I would be like, what do you want?
• 38:21
  What's wrong? What tickets do you need right
• 38:24
  now? They just need to be like, hey,
• 38:26
  I'm hoping I'm being talked. To if you are saying I'm meeting
• 38:30
  a man in person, I'm not using the apps.
• 38:32
  I'm only doing it in person. You are going to be single for a
• 38:35
  very long time, ladies, I'm sorry.
• 38:37
  Unless you are dropping the handkerchief.
• 38:38
  And I, I, I see this, I see my single beautiful girlfriends.
• 38:43
  These are the most beautiful women.
• 38:44
  We walk in anywhere they're not approached and and the one guy
• 38:49
  that does approach them is drunk and you know, like elderly,
• 38:53
  which is fine. I love an elder.
• 38:55
  Drunk and elderly. You know, they're just, gosh,
• 38:58
  where? Do.
• 39:00
  You guys live? Elderly, where are you taking
• 39:02
  them? Are they going out to dinner
• 39:04
  like 5:00 PM? No, I know.
• 39:06
  No, I'm just thinking of. Are the women that you're going
• 39:10
  with or the women you're referencing in this example, are
• 39:13
  they all together like it's a circle of four women and maybe a
• 39:18
  man feels. No.
• 39:19
  Yeah. Are they in TIE Fighter
• 39:20
  formation? And we can't assault.
• 39:21
  A good start, yeah. Like like the context, the
• 39:23
  situation. Also they're handkerchief.
• 39:26
  Cuz like, I feel like you can kind of tell.
• 39:28
  Handkerchief. And I was like, Oh.
• 39:30
  It's Billy. You can kind of tell if a woman
• 39:32
  is like and at least interested in like befriending you at the
• 39:36
  very least. That's what it is the the women,
• 39:38
  if they're not showing openness, if they're not dropping, I'm
• 39:42
  giving a very extreme example of dropping the handkerchief.
• 39:44
  But you could even if you bump into a guy, you say, oh, I'm so
• 39:47
  sorry. Like, oh.
• 39:48
  Wow. It's also true that all those
• 39:50
  guys were just not interested. Yeah.
• 39:52
  Well, I I understand. Here's.
• 39:55
  Here's here's another thing, which is that you can at the end
• 39:59
  of the day, you can have a lot of different attractions to
• 40:02
  different people going about your.
• 40:03
  Day or whatever. But if you are not a more open
• 40:07
  personality, right, because it's also a personality thing.
• 40:09
  If you're not more like as a personality, like, hey, how are
• 40:12
  you making eye contact with smiling right?
• 40:15
  If you're more shy, you're more to yourself.
• 40:17
  You're going to attract less interest just because you are
• 40:21
  not open in your in your visit but. 100.
• 40:25
  Percent, yeah. But I think it's so, So people
• 40:27
  who are of a more naturally bubbly, sanguine, outgoing
• 40:31
  personality, it's somehow it may be easy for them to drop the
• 40:34
  handkerchief. They're doing that regularly.
• 40:36
  They don't even know they're doing that.
• 40:37
  And sometimes, like, men pick up on cues that weren't even a
• 40:39
  handkerchief. But girls that are maybe more
• 40:41
  demure naturally, more shy naturally, they need to go out
• 40:44
  of their way. And do something.
• 40:46
  For them feels more. So I'm curious like so obviously
• 40:48
  you know, all three of you dated, you know, you're in a
• 40:50
  relationship. Like how did you express like or
• 40:52
  with your husband? Like how did you express
• 40:53
  interest and saying I'm open or was it like we just introduced
• 40:56
  or was it like, are there things in the past with other
• 40:59
  relationships you guys have done?
• 40:59
  Like, Oh yeah, this is how I like, how would you let a guy
• 41:02
  know you're open to being like just pursuit or talk to?
• 41:06
  She barks at them. She barks.
• 41:08
  At them. OK, well with my husband what
• 41:10
  happened was I showed up to a dinner that my brother planned
• 41:13
  that he was going to be at. So already I was open to my
• 41:16
  husband because I knew he'd be there.
• 41:17
  I'd never met him yet, but he was a friend of my brother's.
• 41:20
  And then I was, you know, chatty with him and he was handsome.
• 41:23
  We were talking. And then when we were walking
• 41:26
  down the street afterwards, he was going to take Bart home,
• 41:30
  which was the public or actually was he going to walk home?
• 41:34
  I don't remember, but it was, it was in Berkeley and he was a law
• 41:36
  student at the time. And I was like, oh, I'll, I'll
• 41:38
  give you a, I'm happy to give you a ride.
• 41:40
  No problem. You know, like happy to give you
• 41:42
  a ride. And then that'd.
• 41:43
  Be nice. That's just good courtesy.
• 41:45
  No, what are you talking about? And it was a little nice, but it
• 41:48
  was also a little bit like one more time.
• 41:50
  And then that's when he asked me.
• 41:51
  I was like, oh, I'd love to, you know, do you?
• 41:54
  Do you? Lock the doors you ever?
• 41:55
  Like going to the opera. And he was like, very, you know,
• 41:58
  sweet. And I was like, yeah, sure.
• 41:59
  I'd love to go to the opera. The opera, yeah.
• 42:02
  And so then. You were like getting my car.
• 42:04
  And he's like, I'll ask her to the opera.
• 42:06
  OK, That's. Great, so I think he was
• 42:07
  planning to ask me out, but I think it helped that I was
• 42:10
  clearly at least warm to him, if not really into him yet.
• 42:14
  Was you like, hey, get home safe, right?
• 42:16
  That's about a two mile walk to me.
• 42:17
  Too, I think he would have still shot a shot even if I had done
• 42:20
  that. But I think it, you know,
• 42:22
  facilitated that I was expressing that interest in him.
• 42:25
  What opera did you see? What did we see?
• 42:28
  We saw relevant to this. We saw that opera that's a
• 42:30
  little risque actually, and it was in San Francisco.
• 42:33
  What's it called? It's such as an F.
• 42:35
  What's the opera called? I should remember the.
• 42:36
  Opera with an FI. Don't know.
• 42:38
  It was, it's so sad. It was in San Francisco and so
• 42:40
  of course they put some insane thing, insane thing in.
• 42:42
  But anyways. Yeah, LA women.
• 42:45
  'S What's the opera? Let me ask.
• 42:46
  Me. OK, Well, can we?
• 42:47
  Caitlin, I want to know what's your handkerchief strategy?
• 42:50
  Yeah, top five drop handkerchief.
• 42:52
  I do think that like Lila was saying, there can be confusion
• 42:55
  if someone is just an nice person.
• 42:58
  I do know a lot of girlfriends like that, like they're just so
• 43:01
  nice and they might, a guy might approach them and ask them out
• 43:04
  that they have no interest in. And you know, they kindly say,
• 43:07
  no, I'm not interested. And they're kind of like, I
• 43:10
  don't know why he thought that I was interested.
• 43:13
  I'm, you know, they're just bubbly.
• 43:14
  They're just nice. They're so I do think that can
• 43:17
  happen. At the same time, I do think
• 43:21
  like Lila Lila's example, like almost giving, I don't want to
• 43:25
  say permission, that's not the right word, but giving, giving
• 43:28
  that hint that yes, I'm interested, you know, by her
• 43:31
  offering the ride. But I do think even just if
• 43:37
  you're not the one to drop the handkerchief and there is a guy
• 43:40
  that you are interested in, but you don't really make a move,
• 43:43
  but maybe he's talking to you. I do think smiling and and you
• 43:47
  know, engaging in the conversation, asking questions
• 43:50
  that shows interest. Sometimes conversations can be
• 43:53
  very one sided or you can tell when someone's not really.
• 43:57
  Has that been your, I'm curious, has that been your experience?
• 43:59
  Because like I, I will say I have gotten it wrong sometimes
• 44:02
  where I thought someone was like interested and they were like
• 44:04
  asking questions and then later they're like, yeah, I was really
• 44:07
  interested in the topic. Well, I will say I, I sympathize
• 44:10
  with like a lot of the confusion, but I feel like if I
• 44:17
  think if a woman and you guys can correct me if I'm wrong on
• 44:19
  this, but I think if a woman is like wanting to spend more time
• 44:24
  with you is not trying to keep things short.
• 44:27
  It's trying to get more opportunities to see you.
• 44:29
  And she's like, and you can invite that too.
• 44:31
  It's not like she has to say that.
• 44:32
  It's like you can be like, Hey, you, you're going to get on call
• 44:36
  and talk about this or like, and and she's like not trying to
• 44:39
  stop you for like whatever reason, but unless it's like,
• 44:41
  Oh, hey, my dad's dying or like, Hey, I have this commitment or
• 44:43
  whatever, right? Like it.
• 44:44
  But if it's like, but and but she but also there is the dance,
• 44:47
  right? The woman has to be like, Oh,
• 44:48
  but I really want to continue talking or whatever.
• 44:50
  Oh, but I have to like, you know, there is the hints that
• 44:52
  you can that she can also give a like I am, I'm enjoying company
• 44:57
  with you, right, that I don't think that's a huge stretch for
• 45:00
  women to do at the very least. Yeah, I mean, and I also think
• 45:02
  that we're talking about out in the wild, like we're right now
• 45:05
  this conversation is in the wild.
• 45:08
  And I think it's so different in different.
• 45:11
  Like if you're in your community, so say you're in your
• 45:14
  Christian community, your Catholic community, your young
• 45:16
  adult group, whatever. And that's where a lot of men
• 45:19
  and women are meeting in the wild.
• 45:22
  I think that there's a huge hesitation for even, even if a
• 45:26
  woman is very outgoing, very probably like giving indicators,
• 45:29
  I think there's a lot more reticence if you're in the same
• 45:34
  community for a man to then I, I mean, not that I think I know
• 45:39
  this because we have a lot of women that we work with who are
• 45:41
  saying like, yeah, like I have, I'm in this young adult group,
• 45:45
  but no guys are asking me out because then the guy, unless
• 45:48
  he's 1000% sure this is my wife, he doesn't want to then get the
• 45:52
  reputation of being the guy that's dating all these girls
• 45:56
  and valid. I mean, it's very valid.
• 45:59
  I think in the wild, I, I'm a, I'm a personal matchmaker.
• 46:03
  So a huge part of my job is scouting.
• 46:07
  Like I, that's basically the best way to put it.
• 46:09
  It's meeting men. It's meeting single men and
• 46:13
  meeting single women. We have, we tend to get a lot of
• 46:18
  single women very organically just because of like housewives,
• 46:21
  like the things that I've been on.
• 46:23
  We tend to attract a lot of women in droves.
• 46:28
  And then we attract a certain type of man.
• 46:30
  And I love our male clients. They're wonderful.
• 46:32
  But generally speaking, as women know they're you, you need to
• 46:38
  we, we are out there looking, you know, manhunting.
• 46:42
  We're on a manhunt. And I have been for 13 years.
• 46:46
  I've been husband hunting for all these women for 13 years.
• 46:49
  And I will say in the wild, like I am a very bubbly, warm,
• 46:54
  outgoing person and it really like my girlfriends, even if I'm
• 47:00
  just going to a going to an event and I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm
• 47:02
  going to this event. Like we have a new, you know,
• 47:04
  Orthodox, Greek, Greek Orthodox client.
• 47:07
  So I'm going to go to this fundraiser, fundraiser, a
• 47:10
  girlfriend will come with me. And because I'm so warm, bubbly,
• 47:12
  outgoing, I'm just meeting every person.
• 47:16
  It is a lot easier. So I definitely would say, I
• 47:19
  think it's, you know, if you have that natural personality,
• 47:23
  that's amazing. And if you can find a friend, a
• 47:27
  female friend that has that warm, wonderful, bubbly,
• 47:30
  outgoing personality, I think that's really, that's like what
• 47:33
  an asset to have and even being like, OK, we're two single girls
• 47:38
  tonight. Like, why you be the one?
• 47:40
  Make it a game. Like make it a game.
• 47:42
  Like, OK, we're going to this event.
• 47:44
  It's, you know, a Catholic fundraiser for XYZ.
• 47:47
  And how about you? You just drop the handkerchief
• 47:51
  to two new people that you've never met before.
• 47:54
  And it doesn't even have to be guys, because I think this is a
• 47:56
  skill that has to be learned because again, this is in the
• 47:59
  wild and I don't see it happening as frequently as I
• 48:03
  would like it to happen. I think all of this can be
• 48:06
  summed up with you. Both sexes have to be
• 48:09
  comfortable with being vulnerable to the other.
• 48:12
  This can be applied to. It's.
• 48:14
  Beautiful. DM Spike.
• 48:16
  Power. Vulnerability.
• 48:18
  Well, I mean, the story of Ruth is that she literally laid down
• 48:23
  on the threshing field floor in front of Boaz.
• 48:26
  But what is society? What what is our like system
• 48:29
  today as a society, as a culture in America to to to date and to
• 48:33
  I mean in a lot of cultures today to date and to marry,
• 48:35
  there's no like path for it. That's typical.
• 48:38
  I think that's part of the confusion, like it's not
• 48:40
  arranged marriages anymore. You.
• 48:42
  Know or well? In the West, but there's, I
• 48:44
  mean, there's still tons of arranged marriages like all over
• 48:46
  the world. Right.
• 48:47
  I would say for like we don't have that.
• 48:49
  A good, a good rule of thumb I would say is, and I, and I
• 48:52
  listen to this from a Father Riperger video, actually, not
• 48:55
  sure how many people have like controversial opinions on him,
• 48:57
  but I think it's very fair. It was rules of courtship.
• 48:59
  I think it was uploaded by Fiddis Celium.
• 49:02
  I forget the name, but I think father recommended this Catholic
• 49:07
  priest recommended like about like 3 to 6 month period of like
• 49:11
  friendship, then a three to six month period of courting.
• 49:14
  And he describes what that means.
• 49:17
  And then from there, you know, take it forth.
• 49:19
  If this woman is this men and women are, you know, should
• 49:22
  proceed. And I think that's like,
• 49:24
  obviously this is all very Gray. There is not like an explicit
• 49:29
  like this is like, you know, it could be that you like, for
• 49:32
  example, like there's a St. St.
• 49:34
  Therese her parents met and like they got engaged with him like
• 49:39
  like a month or so. It was very quick.
• 49:42
  So I don't want to make this like a black and white thing,
• 49:45
  but I think it could be maybe something to consider generally
• 49:49
  practicing in this modern day and age, because there's so many
• 49:52
  communities that you don't want to just be dating around
• 49:54
  everybody there. You want to at least get to know
• 49:55
  them and like maybe finally get your pick after you meet all the
• 49:58
  people in the community, right? Instead of just trying to like
• 50:00
  but I. Think I think I like the
• 50:02
  concept, but what does it look like in real life?
• 50:04
  How do you be friends with someone for that period of time?
• 50:06
  I mean, I think about. Actually being engaged with.
• 50:08
  Time. Well, I think about.
• 50:09
  I think about well. I'm not saying that's like a
• 50:11
  hard and faceted rule, so one. Of so I've got five brothers, so
• 50:13
  I know like they all have their own different love lives and
• 50:15
  then I've got two sisters. So just like learning how things
• 50:18
  happen for them of all different ages has been it's own
• 50:20
  instruction or like learning about the culture.
• 50:22
  But he was a student, you know, an undergrad student and he was
• 50:26
  in a friend group and he had a lot of friends and he, you know,
• 50:29
  they were all close and hanging out.
• 50:31
  And then he would start dating different like we were
• 50:33
  describing, he would go on some dates with some of the different
• 50:35
  women to just discern, is this the right together?
• 50:38
  Like, should we continue to get more serious here?
• 50:40
  Like this is someone whose marriage material, where is this
• 50:43
  going to go? And he did.
• 50:45
  There was a little bit of a reputation.
• 50:46
  I'm he was like, why are you talking about me?
• 50:48
  I didn't give your name. OK, I have 5 of you.
• 50:50
  So it could be any of the brothers.
• 50:51
  Any of the Rose. Bowl or the red boy, the 20%.
• 50:55
  Chance I'm talking about you but that's good but he you know
• 50:58
  there was a little bit of a ruffling of feathers but he met
• 51:01
  and married his wife amazing and they're so beautiful and happy
• 51:04
  and it's truly. A case by case basis, Yeah, This
• 51:06
  is why I'm so promotive of having a spiritual counsellor
• 51:09
  that you're consistent with, because then it's like they can,
• 51:11
  he can apply or he or she can apply this to whatever situation
• 51:15
  is. Also to and also, and again,
• 51:16
  it's like not to obviously, because not everyone is a
• 51:19
  Christian or you know, of that particular, but like if we
• 51:22
  believe what we believe, right, we believe that there is a Holy
• 51:25
  Spirit that doesn't dwell inside us that guides us.
• 51:27
  There's this counselor and I and again, you know, I just said
• 51:31
  earlier, I've been getting out there more and just like taking
• 51:33
  more steps because I just I like to OfferUp.
• 51:36
  I think God will leverage as much as you're like, you know,
• 51:38
  as much as you give to God, it's more that he'll work with right?
• 51:40
  And so you can sit at home and just pray God, and someone will
• 51:43
  knock on my door and say it's generally not how most things
• 51:46
  work. You.
• 51:48
  Know, but it's there's but again, it's like for everyone, I
• 51:50
  have a great friend who went through like this, this book
• 51:53
  that I I told you about and she was like, yeah, like I felt the
• 51:56
  Holy Spirit say I need to read this book and do what it says.
• 51:59
  And she went out there for six months just like did a lot of
• 52:01
  casual dates, just like there's like 1 you know, a meeting with
• 52:04
  someone just not really being picky just learning about
• 52:06
  herself saying God, what do you want to what do you want me to
• 52:08
  learn from this process? Learn what?
• 52:10
  Oh, I thought I wanted this. I actually like this right.
• 52:13
  I thought I had a type. Oh wait, but I had a type.
• 52:15
  It was kind of rooted more in pathology.
• 52:16
  It was rooted more and like what I how I saw myself versus what I
• 52:20
  think God wanted for me. And then I realized like, oh,
• 52:22
  actually I can get feelings for someone who doesn't look a
• 52:24
  certain way or doesn't like have a certain build or certain
• 52:27
  personality type. And she's like, I met my husband
• 52:31
  and she's like, and it was also interesting because she met her
• 52:33
  husband and at first it was like, not sure.
• 52:35
  And she typically was like fall hard and fast.
• 52:38
  And so, yeah, but it was the Holy Spirit guiding her all
• 52:40
  along. And then I have a good friend,
• 52:42
  right, who met and within six weeks was married, right.
• 52:45
  And interestingly to that, on this book, not on this book, no,
• 52:47
  just in general, like saying, oh, like met someone crazy
• 52:50
  connection. And they just, they knew that
• 52:52
  they knew. And I do believe that.
• 52:54
  I absolutely believe like if the number one commandment is to
• 52:58
  like love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your
• 53:00
  soul, with all your might and all your strength, right?
• 53:02
  If that's the number one thing, not love your neighbor, like
• 53:04
  love your God, then God is going to be deeply invested in who you
• 53:08
  decide to partner with on that. You know, we talked earlier
• 53:10
  about like, why do I have to date Christians?
• 53:12
  And you know, I don't like to be a buzzkill with that, but it's
• 53:14
  more just a question like, do you think you can fulfill God's
• 53:16
  greatest commandments with someone who doesn't care about
• 53:18
  that? Like probably not, right?
• 53:20
  And so I am, I'm just, I'm as much as I'm like, take action.
• 53:24
  And you know, I do believe when you start taking steps like the
• 53:27
  spirit world, just like the spirit realm, not to get too
• 53:30
  weird, but like when you start taking actions like following
• 53:32
  and saying God, no, I'm, I'm not just praying.
• 53:34
  I'm also like, like I'm taking steps of faith.
• 53:37
  Like I think heaven just watches and responds.
• 53:39
  And I have found personally, just like that more doors, like
• 53:42
  when I decide to be more open and then started taking steps.
• 53:45
  I don't think it's coincidence that there's been more amazing
• 53:49
  opportunities, etcetera. And yeah, some of that is from
• 53:51
  the practical effect of doing that.
• 53:52
  But I just think God's going, yeah, all right, cool.
• 53:54
  Like you want to like submit this sacred search to me, right.
• 53:58
  Then let's see what happens. And it is different for every
• 54:00
  single person. I do, yeah.
• 54:01
  I want to make it clear that like the aspect of God's
• 54:06
  Providence, there could be a reason for why you haven't found
• 54:11
  someone for a while, even though you're doing like so many of the
• 54:13
  things correctly. Although I want to really be
• 54:16
  careful saying that because I think a lot of people might have
• 54:18
  the temptation of oh, well, I am doing everything correctly.
• 54:21
  Like then why? Where is he is there Where is
• 54:22
  she is like, hold on, are you really, you know, actually
• 54:25
  spiritual concept if you really are doing everything correctly.
• 54:26
  But anyways, the aspect of patience can be huge.
• 54:31
  That can be a huge, huge sanctification for a lot of
• 54:33
  people. And remember, marriage is a
• 54:35
  privilege. It's not something that is
• 54:37
  guaranteed to us. We can have that longing.
• 54:40
  And I think that's very natural, of course.
• 54:41
  And that's very yeah, that's good.
• 54:43
  But you should be able to be fulfilled completely by Christ.
• 54:47
  You know, and also, Laila, I would say that there is a kind
• 54:51
  of societal understanding if somebody is dating with
• 54:55
  intention. So if you're dating with the
• 54:57
  intention of marriage, I think society, thank goodness, has a
• 55:01
  bit of a blueprint of how to do that.
• 55:03
  You date somebody intentionally. You start with you're not dating
• 55:06
  exclusively. You're meeting a few different
• 55:08
  people. You're dating them
• 55:09
  intentionally. You're not sleeping with them.
• 55:12
  You're not, you know, making out with everybody left and right.
• 55:15
  You know, you're dating in a, you know, in a, if you're, if
• 55:18
  you're doing it in the, even in a so like there's obviously in
• 55:23
  the, in the world that we're living in, they're just, there's
• 55:26
  an understanding that, OK, you're dating a few people and
• 55:29
  then you make the decision to date exclusively to be that
• 55:33
  person's boyfriend and girlfriend to be, to be
• 55:35
  boyfriend girlfriend. So that means you're only each
• 55:38
  other's person and you're dating intentionally each other and
• 55:41
  then you discern marriage after that.
• 55:43
  So I, I don't think it's like, oh, whatever is going to happen.
• 55:46
  I, I, I see it's a very like clear, like this is the, this is
• 55:50
  kind of the way that society has agreed to go about this.
• 55:53
  Now, obviously with the secular world, a lot of times it's don't
• 55:56
  have sex until you're in an exclusive relationship.
• 55:59
  Whereas in the Christian world we're like, don't have sex until
• 56:02
  you get married. All the good advice from the
• 56:04
  secular world becomes perfected in the Christian world.
• 56:06
  Yes, 100%. And that's why, yeah, anytime.
• 56:09
  That Franco So. Hold on, But she might disagree
• 56:12
  with this because secular advice says the best thing you can do
• 56:15
  is to get a coffee with someone. Oh my God, I can't.
• 56:18
  I can't. OK, we just forgot to go into
• 56:21
  the debate. There was a big.
• 56:23
  Guy. And because the secular world
• 56:24
  says get a coffee. Right now 60.
• 56:27
  Seconds, Ryan, then 60 seconds. Can you establish?
• 56:29
  Yeah, well, yeah. What do we do?
• 56:30
  Yeah, you're debating. You're debating.
• 56:31
  I would ask cuz I would say I will respond but I would like.
• 56:34
  My premise is that I have had a great experience grabbing
• 56:37
  coffee. I enjoy coffee.
• 56:38
  Well real quick for those that don't know the comics here.
• 56:41
  So Alessandra and Ryan have a bit of a dissert and I'll give
• 56:45
  my thoughts as well and Lala will give hers and Kim will give
• 56:47
  as well but they have a bit of a disagreement on whether you
• 56:50
  should be dating multiple people at once.
• 56:53
  Now that presuppose what the term dating means there and what
• 56:56
  that all looks like, but. Go ahead, take it away, right?
• 56:59
  No. First, I would say I enjoy
• 57:01
  coffee dates. I find a coffee if you
• 57:04
  substitute the word a coffee for a date, I think for me
• 57:07
  personally, the word date would always get in my head and be
• 57:10
  like, Oh my gosh, I'm trying to date intentionally and just find
• 57:12
  my wife. And so I would go in and be
• 57:14
  really overly analytical and then just reframing like, Oh,
• 57:17
  I'm just going to grab a coffee. Our society also just
• 57:19
  practically is built on, you know, we eat out, we grab
• 57:23
  coffees like that's a, it's a part of many people's day.
• 57:25
  It's also a casual way to get to know someone who may otherwise
• 57:29
  be intimidated by something like, you know, I used to one
• 57:33
  time I used to be like, hey, like I used to be like, hey,
• 57:34
  let's go, let's go on a hike, right?
• 57:36
  And I love hiking and it's great and it's outdoors.
• 57:38
  But I was like, oh, if the other person, they're like, wait, what
• 57:40
  if I don't enjoy this? I'm stuck for like 3 1/2 hours
• 57:42
  on this like trek with this dude, you know?
• 57:44
  And so I was like, oh, coffee is simple.
• 57:46
  It's quick. You need caffeine anyway.
• 57:48
  And I know that my illustrious colleague here disagrees with
• 57:51
  coffee as a way to get to meet someone casually.
• 57:54
  And I'm talking like a first or. But you're not saying they're
• 57:57
  you're like making out with this person or like no.
• 57:59
  No, I'm saying if I was, if someone's like, hey, would you
• 58:01
  like to like if one of her clients like, hey, would you
• 58:02
  like to grab a coffee with my clients?
• 58:04
  I would say, oh, of course I got coffee.
• 58:05
  In fact, in fact, coffee in my opinion is actually less, I
• 58:10
  think less stressful on both parties.
• 58:12
  And again, generalizing, right. It could be there's somebody
• 58:15
  like, no, no, I want an intentional meal.
• 58:17
  I want to see his manners. I want to see if he knows what
• 58:18
  each silverware piece is used for correctly, like Pretty
• 58:21
  Woman, you know. So anyways, I but I'm curious
• 58:24
  you you react well. Maybe it also depends how
• 58:25
  interested you are in the woman, because if you're very
• 58:28
  interested in the woman, like thanks, Thankfully my husband
• 58:31
  was very interested in me. He's like, we're going opera.
• 58:33
  And then we did dinner first, because opera wasn't for a few
• 58:35
  weeks. We did.
• 58:36
  We did all the things. But if you're not really sure
• 58:38
  how interested you are, maybe coffee is well.
• 58:40
  If you've never met them and yeah, yeah.
• 58:41
  And that's what I'm saying, like if you don't know them at all,
• 58:44
  you maybe have like a also a coffee shop practice.
• 58:46
  It's a public place, right? You know, one thing that like
• 58:49
  I'm a six foot 5, like 220 large male.
• 58:52
  I feel less concerned about my safety on dates.
• 58:55
  But I can imagine like it's freaky out.
• 58:57
  It's like scary out there, right?
• 58:58
  And so a nice public place, right?
• 59:01
  Non committal. Also tough times economically
• 59:03
  for a lot of people out there, right.
• 59:05
  And a guy buying a girl coffee. Somebody's kind of bougie, I'm
• 59:08
  not gonna lie. No.
• 59:09
  What you First off, you're not taking her to Starbucks.
• 59:11
  The right man takes you to Blue Bottle.
• 59:13
  Or like something a little more. I don't I don't do this.
• 59:15
  Single or men, ladies don't settle for anything less than
• 59:19
  single. Does it come with a scone?
• 59:21
  I'll do it. We can do it.
• 59:21
  We can do it. Now you're like.
• 59:23
  Nobody would say yeah. The way also that it was
• 59:25
  presented is that that you would read this book and then this
• 59:30
  this person was like date everybody and just Jack so many
• 59:33
  coffee dates and just make them quick and casual.
• 59:36
  So that was where a lot of my visceral reaction came from.
• 59:40
  Because I think that there is like, I think if you're dating
• 59:44
  1,000,000 people and you're not quantifying, you're dating, you
• 59:48
  know, for everywhere from you know, and not just you.
• 59:51
  I'm not saying just you, but if you're not dating intentionally
• 59:54
  like right, I have a client right now who's finally single
• 59:57
  and she's amazing and she met this great man, but he's he's
• 1:00:01
  Indian and practicing. Like Buddhism or something like
• 1:00:04
  that. She was like, but I was so
• 1:00:05
  attracted to him. We had such a great community.
• 1:00:07
  Like we had just such a great physical connection.
• 1:00:09
  And I was like, what's what is your goal?
• 1:00:11
  Like are you dating with the intention of marriage?
• 1:00:13
  She's like, yes, of course I'm dying to get married.
• 1:00:15
  I'm like, are you a practicing Christian woman?
• 1:00:18
  She's like, yes, I'm so practicing.
• 1:00:19
  I need to raise my kids Christian.
• 1:00:20
  I'm like, OK, well then we're not then we're not going to go
• 1:00:23
  to dinner with this man. Easy done.
• 1:00:26
  But all of that to say so the way that the back to the coffee
• 1:00:29
  situation. So I work with a lot of women
• 1:00:33
  that are dating with the intention of marriage and I
• 1:00:36
  completely understand and respect everything that you just
• 1:00:39
  said. It makes sense, but a coffee
• 1:00:43
  date is akin to a professional interview.
• 1:00:47
  If you're if a man also women the the projection or the the
• 1:00:54
  the what a woman hears when a man invites her for a coffee
• 1:00:58
  date is this is a low time investment.
• 1:01:01
  It's a low financial investment. I want to see if you look like
• 1:01:05
  your photos. I want to see if I think you're
• 1:01:07
  attractive and it's basically like more of an audition verse.
• 1:01:12
  Wow, like, you know, I really see your value as a person and
• 1:01:15
  this is I know this is not your intention, right?
• 1:01:18
  You are a good soul and a good man, but a woman that is dating
• 1:01:23
  and utilizing these dating apps and if if she's and then a guy
• 1:01:26
  is like, Oh yeah, I can, I can fit you in for 30 minutes at at
• 1:01:30
  1:15 PM, but I have a heart out at 2:00 then it's.
• 1:01:33
  Oh women don't put heart outs. Women don't care if the guy
• 1:01:35
  looks like his picture. Women do put hard outs if they
• 1:01:38
  don't want you. Oh absolutely the emergency
• 1:01:41
  call, but something bad happened.
• 1:01:43
  I'm so sorry I have to go. But I'm saying, but I don't
• 1:01:46
  think that that's right. I would.
• 1:01:47
  I would tell a woman that even if you're not attracted to the
• 1:01:49
  guy, that the Lord puts people on.
• 1:01:51
  Yourself. No.
• 1:01:53
  But the Lord is putting this man in in front of you for a reason.
• 1:01:56
  Enjoy. Give each other a meal, break
• 1:01:58
  bread, enjoy. See, it's the experience, it's
• 1:02:01
  building, it's time. So.
• 1:02:03
  It's we have sandwiches at Starbucks.
• 1:02:05
  Your recommendation be to single women to always take one dinner
• 1:02:08
  date minimum, even if you're not attracted.
• 1:02:10
  It's not even. That's the book to be.
• 1:02:11
  It doesn't. If you're not attractive.
• 1:02:13
  Yeah, I I do say women, if you are are, if you meet a guy and
• 1:02:16
  he has a lot of the qualities that you're looking for, but
• 1:02:19
  you're not like, oh, I don't want to RIP his clothing off
• 1:02:22
  then go on a date with him. I'm sorry, was that
• 1:02:24
  inappropriate? I'm so.
• 1:02:26
  Sorry, that was good. That's.
• 1:02:27
  More just buttish and then he's like.
• 1:02:29
  So sorry you're just sticking. Are you Italian because your.
• 1:02:32
  Gesticulation is fantastic. So sorry, I guess I'm very
• 1:02:34
  Italian. That was like, no, that was
• 1:02:36
  like. A lot of women attraction can
• 1:02:38
  build and that's beautiful and if the man has these core
• 1:02:41
  qualities that you're looking for, like, Oh well, he's you
• 1:02:43
  know all of this, then definitely accept a date, but
• 1:02:47
  but it doesn't have to be dinner.
• 1:02:49
  It can literally be anything other than a quick coffee date
• 1:02:53
  because that it just to women. I'm telling you women that are
• 1:02:56
  marriage minded that really are intentionally dating.
• 1:03:00
  The fact that they're even talking even on an app, the fact
• 1:03:03
  that they're talking to you for longer and engaging in
• 1:03:06
  communication, not you, but like like I can't look at you, Ryan
• 1:03:09
  you. But the fact that they're
• 1:03:10
  talking to a man a bit longer and their time is precious and
• 1:03:14
  they want. And women when we get ready
• 1:03:15
  imagine. I mean, I know how I am when I
• 1:03:18
  get ready. I So yeah, I.
• 1:03:20
  OK, I want to hear Kaylyn. Kaylyn, what do you think about
• 1:03:23
  this? Let me just clarify the position
• 1:03:25
  here though. OK, So what I'm saying is right,
• 1:03:26
  a lot when I talk about the coffee, right?
• 1:03:28
  It's it's basically if you've met some or if someone's like,
• 1:03:31
  Hey, I want to introduce you to someone, right?
• 1:03:32
  A coffee also is, and this is the thing I think that's missing
• 1:03:35
  from the beautiful and eloquent monologue you just gave.
• 1:03:38
  I think that it's also you want to present an opportunity for
• 1:03:41
  them where they don't feel too in the sense of where it's like
• 1:03:45
  too scary because again, if you just met someone online or if
• 1:03:47
  someone's like, Hey, I want you to meet so and so, right?
• 1:03:50
  And you have no context, right? Say you were set up by someone,
• 1:03:52
  right? It's like in many of my
• 1:03:54
  experiences, they've been like, Oh, I'm grateful for a coffee
• 1:03:56
  because the girl hasn't. You're giving the girl an
• 1:03:58
  opportunity to be like, Oh, I don't versus like, Hey, I've
• 1:04:01
  never met you, but by the way, would you meet me at French
• 1:04:03
  Laundry And we're going to do like a four course.
• 1:04:05
  OK, I've met a woman that has been so grateful for a coffee
• 1:04:11
  date. I've never.
• 1:04:12
  I've never. Grateful meaning like seeing the
• 1:04:14
  opportunity if they don't know the guy at all, right?
• 1:04:16
  And I just went on a coffee date, right and we talked about
• 1:04:18
  it. She was like, hey, she's like,
• 1:04:20
  I'm so she's like. You showed up, Ryan, like.
• 1:04:22
  Stop the video. No, no, when I say grateful, she
• 1:04:24
  said like, oh, I wouldn't have probably said like other things
• 1:04:27
  like this felt low pressure, right.
• 1:04:29
  And it's like, oh, I. Feel maybe hasn't avoided
• 1:04:32
  attachment style. You will work on that way I'm.
• 1:04:35
  Sorry, they should talk about attachment.
• 1:04:39
  My point was that. Coffee date is.
• 1:04:41
  Not a dinner and the coffee date is just to get it's off for
• 1:04:44
  someone, an opportunity. You might not like my answer
• 1:04:47
  because I can see both sides. Honestly, I can see both of your
• 1:04:51
  arguments. I think it depends on the
• 1:04:52
  person. A good flick back.
• 1:04:56
  And it depends, yeah, how much you like the person.
• 1:04:58
  I think I totally see what you're saying, but I mean, I
• 1:05:01
  have girlfriends who are happy to do the coffee date because
• 1:05:03
  they're not sure how they feel about the guy either.
• 1:05:05
  First one for the first one, Totally.
• 1:05:07
  And yeah, I think that's totally fine.
• 1:05:09
  Have you ever done a coffee date with a guy?
• 1:05:10
  Yeah, I think that's totally fine.
• 1:05:12
  I think that's like you're saying it's a very low pressure
• 1:05:15
  way to get to know someone better.
• 1:05:17
  I do think that to her point, she said that a woman feels more
• 1:05:22
  valued, like I'm more valued because you are putting more
• 1:05:25
  effort into planning a nice date and to paying for a nice meal.
• 1:05:30
  And like you said, you know, getting dressed up like that
• 1:05:33
  does make a woman feel more valued, and I do think that you
• 1:05:37
  should do that. I think it really depends.
• 1:05:40
  Is the man really interested or is he maybe interested?
• 1:05:44
  If he's maybe interested, I think a coffee date can be more
• 1:05:47
  appropriate. If he's really interested, he
• 1:05:49
  should go for the dinner date. Why waste time with the coffee
• 1:05:52
  date? In my view, go for the dinner
• 1:05:54
  date and what do you have to lose?
• 1:05:56
  You have to lose that. It doesn't work out.
• 1:05:58
  But if it does work out, it's a way better story.
• 1:06:00
  I mean, like, I'm grateful that my husband put it on the table
• 1:06:03
  and he was like, do you like the opera?
• 1:06:05
  And. Then we went to.
• 1:06:06
  And then we, well, it was Carmen.
• 1:06:08
  It wasn't supposed to. But but.
• 1:06:11
  But but our first date was actually dinner, and it was a
• 1:06:14
  lovely dinner and I'll never forget it.
• 1:06:16
  Right. But someone else set it up
• 1:06:18
  right, no? No.
• 1:06:19
  No, no, we, we went. So what, what was set up was my
• 1:06:22
  brother setting up this group get together that my husband and
• 1:06:25
  I went to before we were married and we hadn't met each other
• 1:06:28
  yet. But his first, the opera was
• 1:06:29
  like 5 weeks out. So it's kind of funny because
• 1:06:31
  I'm like, you're making a date for like 6 weeks out.
• 1:06:34
  I'm going on another date like I'm, you know, I'm dating other
• 1:06:36
  people, as you know, aren't you? But but then we went to dinner
• 1:06:40
  and then it was like, you know, coffee and brunch and hiking.
• 1:06:43
  And did you keep seeing other guys after that?
• 1:06:45
  I did see other guys until we became exclusive.
• 1:06:47
  Yeah, yeah. And it's just the impression
• 1:06:49
  that women get. I'm.
• 1:06:50
  I'm not, I get everything you're saying.
• 1:06:52
  It makes logical sense, everything you're saying.
• 1:06:54
  And that's why men understand the logic.
• 1:06:56
  And I get the logic of it all. But I'm saying the impression
• 1:07:00
  that a woman gets. If you were like, oh, want to
• 1:07:02
  grab a coffee, then it's the impression that a woman is
• 1:07:06
  getting. If she is dating with intention,
• 1:07:09
  it's like, oh, he's dating a million people.
• 1:07:12
  He wait then what do you think of a lot of situations?
• 1:07:14
  She kept on going on dates with other guys after no.
• 1:07:15
  No, but that's fine because they're not.
• 1:07:17
  Expected to vets to be clear, but to be clear, I was I was
• 1:07:20
  ultimately the most interested in my husband and it was too I
• 1:07:24
  felt it was too premature yes to not date other people yes now my
• 1:07:27
  husband didn't go on other dates with other women.
• 1:07:30
  He felt like I want to just lay it down for this woman because,
• 1:07:34
  and I'm grateful for that. This is why like I like, I'm
• 1:07:36
  like, I agree with you, but I also kind of agree with you.
• 1:07:39
  Yeah, kind of like killing because I'm like everybody
• 1:07:40
  because like low key, like I feel like maybe this is
• 1:07:43
  insecurity, but I, I get so jealous so easily.
• 1:07:46
  But I love that. But it wasn't like telling him
• 1:07:48
  I'm going on dates with other guys.
• 1:07:50
  I. Know well that's very fair
• 1:07:51
  because like I feel like if if you it's kind of out of respect
• 1:07:54
  that. You know, a little bit because
• 1:07:56
  it's like, does he want to make this exclusive if he wants to
• 1:07:59
  put himself? Out there and make it.
• 1:08:00
  Exclusive this is very true. Then make an offer.
• 1:08:02
  I can't this. Is very.
• 1:08:03
  This is very true. This is very true.
• 1:08:05
  Negotiation, guys. No, I just kidding.
• 1:08:07
  But one thing I want to note though is that of course I'm
• 1:08:09
  assuming you weren't making out with him etcetera like I think I
• 1:08:12
  want to for. Me, if you're kissing, it's
• 1:08:14
  exclusive. That's my that's.
• 1:08:16
  Very. That's so true.
• 1:08:17
  I love that. Yeah, very.
• 1:08:18
  And I. Don't believe in like heavy make
• 1:08:19
  out sessions. Because I think like with, I
• 1:08:21
  think with some people might have red flies.
• 1:08:22
  Like when when I think of dating, it's like, oh the.
• 1:08:24
  Fear is going on very. Worldly, sensible.
• 1:08:26
  Like, I'm just kissing this guy. Kissing this guy's like, OK,
• 1:08:28
  hold on. OK, All right.
• 1:08:30
  I would avoid it. Can we also?
• 1:08:31
  Because I know we like sparks and debates for the views, but
• 1:08:35
  it's like, because we talked about dating multiple people at
• 1:08:37
  once, right? So a lot of this context too
• 1:08:39
  comes from so I read this book called How to.
• 1:08:42
  It's actually a really cool story.
• 1:08:43
  So a couple weeks ago it was actually, it's relatively
• 1:08:45
  recent. It's like a month ago or so, I
• 1:08:48
  had two people on the same day, independent come don't even know
• 1:08:52
  each other, call me and say, hey, have you ever read this
• 1:08:54
  book? We just finished it and it's
• 1:08:55
  awesome. And well, the other, the first
• 1:08:57
  one is the woman I mentioned who met her husband after reading
• 1:08:59
  this book and try it. And she's like, you need to read
• 1:09:02
  this book. And of course, like I need to
• 1:09:03
  read a book called like how to find a date worth keeping.
• 1:09:05
  This feels so like pedantic. It's like, just trust me, you're
• 1:09:09
  going to love it. You're actually going to
• 1:09:10
  appreciate it. And I was like, fine.
• 1:09:12
  And I was like, all right, if two people are telling me to
• 1:09:14
  read this book independent of each other, I was like, maybe
• 1:09:16
  that's a God incidents, right? And so I read it and actually I
• 1:09:19
  was like, wow, I'm actually surprisingly really enjoy it.
• 1:09:21
  And they're just some of us kind of cheeky, right?
• 1:09:23
  So it's Doctor Henry Cloud. It's like how to find a date
• 1:09:25
  worth keeping? And he's a clinical psychologist
• 1:09:27
  and has a lot of data. And we wrote a very famous book
• 1:09:30
  in Christopher's called Boundaries, but his premise was
• 1:09:33
  he was the one that said, look, open up and say, are you like,
• 1:09:35
  look at your current trajectory? Like, do you think you're going
• 1:09:37
  to meet anyone if you are not a I'm paraphrasing mightily, but
• 1:09:41
  if you're not going out and putting yourself into new
• 1:09:42
  situations and meeting people, it's like you're really going to
• 1:09:45
  have a tough time. That's the definition of
• 1:09:47
  insanity, right? And then the second part, he
• 1:09:48
  said, look, the problem is he says as guy, he has a whole
• 1:09:51
  chapter for guys like, Hey, you do need to go start approaching.
• 1:09:54
  And he's like, stop dating for marriage.
• 1:09:55
  And at first my, my conservative Christian, I was like, wait,
• 1:09:58
  what are you saying? He's like, I'm not, He's like,
• 1:09:59
  I'm not at all saying you don't marry like you don't not marry a
• 1:10:02
  Christian. He's like, what I'm saying is if
• 1:10:04
  you treat every day like the Super Bowl, right, and you're
• 1:10:07
  prone to overanalyzing, you are going to, which is me, he's
• 1:10:09
  like, you're going to have a lot of trouble.
• 1:10:11
  And so he's like, go out to meet someone and he's like, yeah.
• 1:10:13
  And if they're not Christian, and I said, obviously be safe,
• 1:10:16
  be wise. He's talking about the context
• 1:10:18
  of like, you know, use your judgement.
• 1:10:19
  But so if you've got someone who's not a Christian, he says,
• 1:10:21
  guess what? First off, you know, they're not
• 1:10:23
  a fit for you, right, long term if you're a Christian.
• 1:10:25
  But secondly, he's like, you share your face with them,
• 1:10:27
  right? And he's like, and all these
• 1:10:29
  case studies and there are people who met all these
• 1:10:30
  different people and he said, and also they're people that you
• 1:10:33
  would probably write off, right? But if you commit to doing this
• 1:10:36
  thing, he also is like, Hey, if someone is like a high quality
• 1:10:38
  person, you got to go more than one date.
• 1:10:40
  He's like, you might just caught someone on a might have been a
• 1:10:42
  rough coffee session, you know, so give him a, you know, go to a
• 1:10:45
  meal or something. But he's.
• 1:10:46
  He's saying to date people who are not of your faith.
• 1:10:49
  You know, he's saying not out of your way saying like if you go
• 1:10:50
  out with someone, right, and he's like, or if someone's like,
• 1:10:52
  hey, I want you to go out On this date.
• 1:10:54
  He does, I believe, I would say he probably says in the book, go
• 1:10:57
  out and yes, you can go on a date with someone who's not a
• 1:10:59
  Christian, but knowing like you're not trying to marry that
• 1:11:02
  person right now. You're just getting a date in
• 1:11:03
  for practice. Also, how can I serve this
• 1:11:06
  person? Like just to get out there and
• 1:11:07
  also learn because let's be honest, most people are not a
• 1:11:10
  fit, right? The most people are not a fit
• 1:11:11
  for you. So he's like, go out and meet
• 1:11:13
  people and then see like what happens?
• 1:11:15
  Like, oh, wow, actually, I thought I wanted this, but it
• 1:11:18
  turns out I really like this, right?
• 1:11:20
  But of course, he does very clear you would never marry
• 1:11:22
  someone that you do not share that faith with.
• 1:11:24
  But in the beginning, he's like, if you're prone to overanalyzing
• 1:11:27
  and you're not getting out there at all right now and you're just
• 1:11:29
  expecting everything to change, he's like, you got to get out
• 1:11:32
  there, start meeting people and just be open, like, put yourself
• 1:11:35
  out there. Put in the repetitions or you
• 1:11:37
  can download Sacred Spark. Yes, and then everybody's
• 1:11:42
  already pre qualified in terms of sharing the faith.
• 1:11:45
  But then you can get to meet people and have as many coffee
• 1:11:47
  dates or dinner dates. I'm just saying I've testimonies
• 1:11:49
  when people read that book and my friend did it and she's like,
• 1:11:51
  it was tough because there's dates I did not like.
• 1:11:53
  I knew I walked in. I was like, no, like we have
• 1:11:56
  not, we're not. I'm not attracted.
• 1:11:57
  And then we talked for like 10 minutes and not a fit.
• 1:11:59
  But she's like, I learned so much by just saying, no, I'm
• 1:12:02
  going to focus when I get to know this person.
• 1:12:04
  I'm going to practice. I'm going to share my faith.
• 1:12:06
  And just like it was actually an incredibly rewarding experience.
• 1:12:09
  You guys, I just, I really don't like that strategy.
• 1:12:12
  I think the strategy for I'm sorry, Ryan, I love.
• 1:12:16
  I love. I'm trying.
• 1:12:18
  To get ratings for Lila, let's go.
• 1:12:20
  Logically, I understand where you're coming from logically,
• 1:12:23
  but I do think that it's really important to understand your
• 1:12:26
  attachment style. And you had Attachment Adam on
• 1:12:29
  who is probably the most incredible attachment therapist.
• 1:12:33
  Attachment Adam. Yeah, Oh my God, he's amazing.
• 1:12:34
  Yes, incredible. He can explain it I there's no
• 1:12:37
  way I but. It sounds like it's good for his
• 1:12:39
  attachment style because he's a he's avoidance.
• 1:12:42
  No, no, no. That is the worst strategy for
• 1:12:44
  avoidance and I'm not talking to what he's doing.
• 1:12:46
  It is the worst. I don't know if you're avoiding
• 1:12:48
  it, by the way. Wait, wait, define, define these
• 1:12:51
  attachment styles because people might not know what you're
• 1:12:52
  talking. About avoid an attachment
• 1:12:53
  there's anxious attachment, disorganized attachment and
• 1:12:56
  they're secure attack. What do they all mean?
• 1:12:57
  Okay, so. Like, I think you wins.
• 1:13:00
  I don't know that you're avoiding.
• 1:13:02
  I was just sort of like. Making it anxious.
• 1:13:04
  I would love if you're anxious. Find that define that I.
• 1:13:06
  Don't feel anxious during this conversation.
• 1:13:09
  Psychoanalyzing. You.
• 1:13:10
  Have to define this. I'm not even talking just to
• 1:13:12
  Ryan, but I think I'm talking to people that if they have like if
• 1:13:16
  they have an avoidant attachment style, that means that they're
• 1:13:19
  essentially they get very anxious when things get a little
• 1:13:23
  too intimate. So they keep everybody at arm's
• 1:13:25
  length and they get very fearful of intimacy because it's at the
• 1:13:29
  core of it, it's fear of abandonment.
• 1:13:30
  So all of the attachment, the anxious avoidant, the the core
• 1:13:33
  wound is the abandonment wound. OK, so.
• 1:13:36
  We all have attachment styles, right we.
• 1:13:37
  All have attachments. Like everyone is one of these
• 1:13:39
  things to some extent. Everybody is one of these things
• 1:13:41
  to a certain. It's a spectrum.
• 1:13:42
  It's a spectrum. It's.
• 1:13:43
  All Adam Lane Smith, no more. He's Catholic too.
• 1:13:47
  A great guy. He's Oh my gosh, incredible, and
• 1:13:49
  he'll explain this he. Also watches the Franco TV he.
• 1:13:52
  Does. Yeah, he does.
• 1:13:52
  Oh my gosh. Like I know somebody.
• 1:13:54
  'S life like. Oh yeah, he's phenomenal.
• 1:13:57
  But it's so important for somebody that has an anxious
• 1:13:59
  attachment style, your strategy would work just fine.
• 1:14:03
  So yeah, so avoid it. The arm's length anxious is
• 1:14:08
  hyper vigilance is that those are the people that they they
• 1:14:12
  are, they tend to be very vigilant about receiving texts
• 1:14:17
  and they always think something is wrong.
• 1:14:18
  They notice the most minor issue and then they freak out and
• 1:14:22
  rabbit hole. So those are, yeah, those are
• 1:14:25
  the I. Feel like I'm avoiding.
• 1:14:28
  Disorganized. Yeah, disorganized attachment is
• 1:14:30
  anxious or sorry not. Disorganized.
• 1:14:32
  I want to cut this anxious. No, but that's it's totally
• 1:14:35
  fine, but it's good to know it disorganizes basically both of
• 1:14:38
  them because even with avoidance.
• 1:14:41
  Charism of both. I have the charism of
• 1:14:44
  disorganized attachment. But even with even with a
• 1:14:47
  disorganized attacher or if somebody is avoidant, avoidant
• 1:14:50
  usually gets a really bad rap. But it's just as long as
• 1:14:53
  somebody recognizes that, oh, I'm about to get a lot of
• 1:14:56
  anxiety. If this person shows interest,
• 1:14:59
  if they're excited to see me, if they're, you know, if we have,
• 1:15:03
  if we're reaching a different level of intimacy, obviously not
• 1:15:06
  physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy, that's when the alarm
• 1:15:09
  bells are going to start sounding for the avoidant
• 1:15:12
  attacher. And then that's why avoidant
• 1:15:15
  attachers tend to serial date. So that's why it's bad and not
• 1:15:19
  bad, but it's, if somebody wants to, the goal is to get to
• 1:15:22
  secure, OK, the goal is to act as if you are a secure attacher.
• 1:15:28
  So that's like the secret to all of it.
• 1:15:31
  So while you're dating, think, OK, I'm feeling anxious right
• 1:15:34
  now. What would a secure person do in
• 1:15:37
  this situation? So if you're waiting for a text
• 1:15:39
  and you're like, Oh my gosh, it's been, it's been 5 minutes.
• 1:15:42
  They hate me. Oh my gosh, they hate me.
• 1:15:44
  It's over. Everything's done now.
• 1:15:46
  And then they have anxious. What people wouldn't know is
• 1:15:49
  that they have activation strategies of self soothing.
• 1:15:53
  So what then that anxious person might be like, you know what,
• 1:15:56
  I'm going to go on another date. I'm going to go on another date
• 1:15:58
  with another guy and see. So that's why it's really
• 1:16:01
  important to be very understand your attachment style.
• 1:16:06
  At the core. There's an amazing book.
• 1:16:08
  Like I've never felt so seen. You know, because like literally
• 1:16:12
  OK, so I'll, I'll say something personal here.
• 1:16:15
  When I was this, there's a girl that I'm interested in and let's
• 1:16:19
  just say yes. And there was like.
• 1:16:25
  She sounds amazing. I know.
• 1:16:26
  What are the two? She has the two virtues.
• 1:16:27
  She is phenomenal. She's.
• 1:16:28
  So filled with virtues. She's amazing.
• 1:16:30
  But anyways, I want to make sure to give this person space,
• 1:16:33
  right? And there was a girl that was
• 1:16:38
  kind of popping back into my life who I was interested in a
• 1:16:42
  while back. And I knew I was like, I have
• 1:16:46
  this temptation to just call this person because we do get
• 1:16:50
  along. We have great chemistry.
• 1:16:51
  Like, it's like, this is. Yeah.
• 1:16:52
  And I was like, oh, man, this is really timely.
• 1:16:55
  But I'm like, no, I know that I would be doing it just to like,
• 1:16:58
  kind of, you know, it. I because I know like, I know
• 1:17:00
  what I want, right? I know this.
• 1:17:02
  I know what I'm interested in. And so I was like, this is I've
• 1:17:04
  already discerned this. I need to reject.
• 1:17:07
  I need to reject this. You were activated.
• 1:17:09
  Yeah, and but I but So what you're saying like this Earth to
• 1:17:11
  just go on another date? I'm like, yeah, stop.
• 1:17:14
  Yeah. Stop.
• 1:17:15
  But that's OK. That's very natural.
• 1:17:17
  And then it's learning self soothing strategies that don't,
• 1:17:20
  that are not going on more and more dates.
• 1:17:22
  Yeah, because then it's just shallow, shallow, shallow.
• 1:17:25
  But myself? Soothing is a prayer, yeah.
• 1:17:27
  No. Go to Jesus that you're.
• 1:17:29
  So boring, the self soothing. Yeah, it's.
• 1:17:31
  Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror, yeah.
• 1:17:33
  It's do the dealer greens go to daily mass like that's thank God
• 1:17:36
  we're Catholics because we have so many tools in our arsenal
• 1:17:39
  that are like psychology calls itself soothing.
• 1:17:42
  But we know that this is how it's peace that surpasses any
• 1:17:46
  anything else. So yeah.
• 1:17:48
  What would you say is the best trick of the devil?
• 1:17:51
  Like if if we had to think what the devil was trying to think to
• 1:17:54
  try to get people to not be able to date and meet and marry their
• 1:17:58
  future spouse, what do you think they would be doing in the
• 1:18:00
  modern era right now? I think it can be personal.
• 1:18:07
  I think the devil studies you and he knows your weaknesses.
• 1:18:10
  So relating to what you were just saying about attachment
• 1:18:12
  styles, I think the devil knows what to pick at and how to tempt
• 1:18:16
  you personally. But of course, as a culture, I
• 1:18:20
  think he causes distraction and confusion.
• 1:18:25
  Whether that is too many options, whether it's
• 1:18:28
  overthinking, whether it's fear. Fear of what A.
• 1:18:31
  Huge. Commitment and that decision
• 1:18:35
  will require or what it could turn into going back to what you
• 1:18:38
  were saying, a fear of abandonment or whatever your
• 1:18:40
  fear is that personal experience I think he gets in your head.
• 1:18:47
  I love the fear aspect. I don't like fear.
• 1:18:50
  I don't like fear. But I think yeah, fear stems.
• 1:18:53
  I mean, it's at the back when it's so many missed
• 1:18:57
  opportunities. I think because I mean, you're,
• 1:19:01
  it's very connected to pride in a way.
• 1:19:03
  It's like you're, you're fearing what could be.
• 1:19:05
  You're fearing maybe taking the risk.
• 1:19:07
  Like that's not how you properly act in God's will.
• 1:19:12
  I mean, when you discern things, when you realize what is the
• 1:19:14
  correct direction and what is the answer?
• 1:19:16
  What is the solution to this life situation that I have?
• 1:19:19
  Whatever it may be, you best asserted by what you're trying
• 1:19:22
  to run towards within God's plan rather than by what you're
• 1:19:25
  trying to avoid and trying to run again, run away from.
• 1:19:29
  So every path has obstacles. You're never going to get rid of
• 1:19:32
  obstacles. So if you're trying to figure
• 1:19:35
  something out based on what you based on the obstacles or based
• 1:19:38
  on what you're trying to avoid, you're not going to find a
• 1:19:40
  solution because you, you don't have a clear direction of like,
• 1:19:43
  OK, like this is what I'm trying to run towards.
• 1:19:45
  Now, given sure, there can be clear like things that go
• 1:19:48
  against God's will, right? Then those are very valid
• 1:19:51
  obstacles, right? Because they're like clear sin.
• 1:19:54
  But it's like, Oh, this person might be, maybe their
• 1:19:58
  temperaments is maybe just not meshing super well with mine.
• 1:20:02
  And then you just give up. It's like, well, hold on, like.
• 1:20:05
  Like you guys, you guys can sanctify each other.
• 1:20:08
  There could be, if this person has a certain interest that you
• 1:20:10
  may not have the same interest in, it's like, well, hold on,
• 1:20:12
  maybe you guys could develop that or something like it's
• 1:20:14
  like, you know, there. I think fear is at the basis of
• 1:20:17
  so many things, so huge a huge that I think the devil can be
• 1:20:22
  using that a lot towards a lot of people.
• 1:20:25
  Yeah, I think, yeah. And I think that the enemy
• 1:20:26
  attacks everyone in a very different way.
• 1:20:29
  I have one client who the enemy just consistently attacks her by
• 1:20:33
  sending her very attractive men that are just very.
• 1:20:39
  Suffering from success? Yeah.
• 1:20:40
  What was that? Suffering from success?
• 1:20:42
  Yeah, Suffering from success? No.
• 1:20:44
  But she is. She's, I mean, she's finally on
• 1:20:48
  an amazing path. She's dating the most incredible
• 1:20:50
  Christian man and I. Wait, what's wrong with some
• 1:20:52
  attractive? Well, attractive men that are
• 1:20:54
  like that are completely they're not.
• 1:20:56
  They're not aligned with her values.
• 1:20:58
  They're not aligned with her values at all.
• 1:20:59
  And they're just they're they're coming out of the woodworks.
• 1:21:02
  And one is, you know, as was prior to her getting into her
• 1:21:06
  now relationship, literally it was the day that she became
• 1:21:09
  exclusive with her now boyfriend.
• 1:21:11
  She got a text from this very attractive man that she had met
• 1:21:14
  in Dubai or something like that. And he was like, Hey, let me fly
• 1:21:17
  you to to Paris. And so like the enemy, though,
• 1:21:20
  comes in those ways. This is not a practicing
• 1:21:23
  Christian man like this. Is this a temptation from the
• 1:21:27
  enemy? And that's why it's having those
• 1:21:29
  guardrails. And I think for men, it comes in
• 1:21:32
  and I think it can come in through female friendships and
• 1:21:35
  just women, other women that are around.
• 1:21:39
  So that's a big area that I see the most with men.
• 1:21:43
  And it can also come through, you know, single friends, well
• 1:21:47
  meaning single friends that they're like, oh, they, you
• 1:21:50
  know, they want you to be single too.
• 1:21:52
  They want to be going out with you.
• 1:21:54
  So with with some of our male clients we have, we have that
• 1:21:57
  issue. But yeah, temptation.
• 1:21:59
  And that's why boundaries, boundaries and the guardrails.
• 1:22:04
  The guardrails so that you can sense that something.
• 1:22:07
  I think that's such a good point.
• 1:22:09
  And I I've experienced that personally.
• 1:22:11
  I remember when I was dating Joe and then also I've seen it in
• 1:22:13
  other girlfriends lives. And I'm sure it happens to guys
• 1:22:16
  who would have to think about their experience, like my
• 1:22:17
  brothers as an example. But when you are dating someone
• 1:22:20
  that is like the quality and the person you're like, you feel
• 1:22:24
  like this might be the one right, the things to kind of get
• 1:22:27
  you off track. And I remember my spiritual
• 1:22:29
  director at the time reminded me the devil hates marriage.
• 1:22:33
  He doesn't want you to get married.
• 1:22:35
  Once we got engaged, my my husband and I, we'd like this
• 1:22:37
  weird, crazy curveballs hit when our kid our way.
• 1:22:41
  And again, it was like that reek when I was like, is this is this
• 1:22:43
  something coming internally that we need to like figure out and
• 1:22:46
  deal with as a couple? Or is this something more
• 1:22:48
  external that, oh, it's trying to slow us down or give us kind
• 1:22:52
  of fear or, you know, anxiety about even getting married?
• 1:22:56
  So there's all these different stages.
• 1:22:57
  But I think in the dating stage that what you were saying
• 1:23:00
  earlier, there's so many options.
• 1:23:02
  The optionality is so endless. And our standards are all over.
• 1:23:05
  And maybe we're dating someone who's wonderful and we do have
• 1:23:08
  feelings for, but we get distracted this, you know,
• 1:23:10
  because of our own personal issues or temptations.
• 1:23:13
  And we're not actually locked in in a way that this could be your
• 1:23:16
  future spouse. Real quick.
• 1:23:17
  It's interesting and I'll let you go, Ryan, sorry, I just want
• 1:23:20
  to really address this real quick, but a friend told me
• 1:23:25
  there isn't the vocation crisis is real, but right now it's not
• 1:23:29
  for the priesthood. It's not for the celibates
• 1:23:31
  actually. Like if you look at the numbers
• 1:23:33
  like they're we're actually doing kind of solid there.
• 1:23:36
  Like that's what he this is what he told.
• 1:23:37
  Me people becoming priests. Yeah, the actual vocation crisis
• 1:23:40
  is in marriage. Wow.
• 1:23:42
  And also to your point, Lila, that's why it's so important for
• 1:23:45
  both partners to be equally yoked, because I had been
• 1:23:49
  personally in relationships with Christian men.
• 1:23:52
  And if you are both not equally yoked, you, you can be all
• 1:23:56
  boundaried up, all armored up. All right, enemy, come at me,
• 1:24:00
  bro. I got this.
• 1:24:01
  But if your partner is not equally yoked, if he is a man, a
• 1:24:05
  Christian man in, in, in just verbal.
• 1:24:09
  And I'm a Christian man, but not in the way that he's living his
• 1:24:12
  life. The enemy is, he's a vessel for
• 1:24:14
  the enemy, and he's going to get it.
• 1:24:16
  And so that's why it's so important in the dating process.
• 1:24:19
  I've ladies, I've learned the hard way, but.
• 1:24:24
  What are the clear boundaries like if there are they a
• 1:24:27
  practice like you have to be a practicing Christian and don't
• 1:24:31
  expect they'll suddenly practice when you have kids or when you
• 1:24:33
  get married. They have to practice it now and
• 1:24:34
  it has to be something that they do out of their own hearts as
• 1:24:37
  opposed to I'm trying to impress someone or whatever it is a.
• 1:24:40
  100% as opposed to exactly like, Oh yeah, I'll go to church with
• 1:24:43
  you like oh it's fine like very lackadaisical because that's
• 1:24:47
  that's where the. There's, there's a book called
• 1:24:49
  The Sacred Search and I forget if it's Gary Chapman who wrote
• 1:24:52
  it, but it's Gary something. But he has this criteria and he
• 1:24:55
  says out of these 4 categories, when you meet someone, if they
• 1:24:57
  don't score an average of a 36, so 1 to 10 on each one of these.
• 1:25:01
  And if you don't have a nine on each of these, then you you drop
• 1:25:04
  them on average and they are one.
• 1:25:07
  Do they have friends of the same gender?
• 1:25:10
  Right. So like warning sign, you'd be
• 1:25:11
  like, hey, if they have no fig, if it's a girl you're dating,
• 1:25:13
  it's just no female friends. He's like, that could be now,
• 1:25:16
  could someone just move during yeah, other standing
• 1:25:17
  circumstances? But like that's he's like that
• 1:25:19
  would be if all her friends are just, you know, guys, you know,
• 1:25:22
  that's something you're going to have to like look into.
• 1:25:24
  But on the religious side, what were you guys were talking
• 1:25:26
  about? Which I thought was super
• 1:25:27
  interesting. And then how are communication
• 1:25:28
  skills? How do they handle conflict,
• 1:25:32
  right, because he's like, you're the best couples fight, you
• 1:25:34
  know, at least one day of the week.
• 1:25:35
  But the big one, he says for discerning the Christian like
• 1:25:39
  character of someone, it's not do they go to church, right.
• 1:25:42
  It's not how many cool relics they have, right?
• 1:25:43
  It's not if they even know like a lot about the Bible.
• 1:25:46
  It's how's their prayer life? Because he says anyone can get
• 1:25:49
  up and go to church. Anyone can get excited about God
• 1:25:51
  publicly. But what does someone do in the
• 1:25:53
  privacy of their own home when the door is locked when no one's
• 1:25:56
  looking? Right?
• 1:25:56
  We know that's when God that's like the measure of someone's
• 1:25:59
  walk with God is what are we doing when no one's looking?
• 1:26:01
  And so I've always taken that and it was been really fun
• 1:26:03
  because they're just like, oh, like, because if someone has a
• 1:26:05
  prayer life like that, that's how I know.
• 1:26:07
  You know for me, yeah, daily readings.
• 1:26:09
  Are you doing your own Bible study?
• 1:26:11
  Yeah, IA 100%. Are they also for the women?
• 1:26:15
  I think I I know this sounds crazy, but it was a very like
• 1:26:19
  only two years old that I realized that watching porn is
• 1:26:23
  not a normal thing or is something that that like.
• 1:26:26
  But in a secular world, like I just was like, Oh yeah, of
• 1:26:29
  course every. Guy watches porn.
• 1:26:31
  Yeah, every guy watches porn. Like, why would that?
• 1:26:33
  And then it would be something for me of like, OK, I have to
• 1:26:38
  now have this really serious conversation with a man about
• 1:26:41
  waiting until marriage. And it was like this big thing
• 1:26:44
  of like, OK, like, I don't know. And a lot of guys do not want to
• 1:26:48
  do that, even if they're Christian by name.
• 1:26:50
  So I learned though, once I started dating in a totally
• 1:26:55
  different way, that those are two major deal Breakers.
• 1:26:59
  And and there are a lot of men that have those deal Breakers.
• 1:27:03
  And then you learn how it attractive that those qualities
• 1:27:07
  of not watching porn, waiting before marriage and being
• 1:27:09
  excited about that. Yeah.
• 1:27:12
  I So all that to say, yeah. I think, I think porns, I mean I
• 1:27:18
  forget the stat, but the the average age of exposure is
• 1:27:21
  sometime around I think it's like 8 or 9 years old now.
• 1:27:24
  But I would say if you really just go back to like what is
• 1:27:26
  actually happening, I think at a young age, I think our neural
• 1:27:29
  circuitry is being fried and I think we're losing.
• 1:27:32
  Like we're actually, I think it's a huge coup de grace.
• 1:27:34
  The enemy is being able to like attack young minds and like
• 1:27:38
  permanently or hopefully not probably like cause some
• 1:27:41
  substantive damage to our ability to discern and know
• 1:27:44
  what's attractive. And so I think it's a huge deal.
• 1:27:47
  I mean, I, I just, I think that I think porn you cannot separate
• 1:27:49
  probably the lack of desired marriage with the early age of
• 1:27:52
  porn exposure. And then also I do think at a
• 1:27:55
  fundamental level, I think it's the cell phone, right?
• 1:27:57
  It's the, we had a exorcist and priest on the exorcist files
• 1:28:01
  recently who said like this thing is the devil's portal and
• 1:28:03
  he's like, look, I use it to talk to parishioners.
• 1:28:05
  I use it to talk. There's good things can come
• 1:28:07
  with this, right, but he's like the end of the day is technology
• 1:28:10
  has robbed and I I throw myself in there too, but has robbed our
• 1:28:14
  ability to just sit and be bored so much and just be with God
• 1:28:17
  because in the boredom, like that's when God speak.
• 1:28:19
  We have the enemy has come into our lives and we are just
• 1:28:22
  constantly infusing our minds and our ears with music that's
• 1:28:26
  inappropriate with content that's inappropriate and we're
• 1:28:29
  just if you think that content shapes us, right and we're
• 1:28:31
  constantly on our phones. It's like, I think in a lot of
• 1:28:35
  ways, and again, talking to myself, we've robbed ourselves
• 1:28:38
  of the little sacred quiet spaces that the Holy Spirit
• 1:28:41
  would normally come in and speak to us.
• 1:28:43
  And that's a huge part because that cuts through all the
• 1:28:45
  clutter that cuts through all the lies.
• 1:28:46
  Our culture just sending, you said earlier, the culture is
• 1:28:49
  saying, do whatever you want, right?
• 1:28:51
  There is literally we've, we've taken care of every issue that
• 1:28:54
  could come with completely unmitigated, like exploitation
• 1:28:57
  of whatever sexual urge we have. And so you don't worry about it,
• 1:28:59
  right? And the psychology is against
• 1:29:01
  that, right? And I think that's probably
• 1:29:04
  they're just what lies are we believing that the culture is
• 1:29:06
  telling us? And that's probably the other
• 1:29:08
  one too, is like, hey, you know, kids are a burden, right?
• 1:29:11
  Or family, like family is an infringement on your freedom,
• 1:29:15
  right? Like that's the virtue of like
• 1:29:16
  that our culture plays like you just need to be free to do you
• 1:29:19
  in any way, any shape. And the family is like a, so I
• 1:29:22
  'cause I feel that, I mean, like as someone who has historically
• 1:29:25
  struggled with, like I've, you know, always I've, for most of
• 1:29:28
  my career, I've been independent, my own like boss.
• 1:29:30
  And so having those like constraints on me can feel weird
• 1:29:33
  at times, especially when I've been in relationships And I'm
• 1:29:35
  like, oh, I'm going to have to work on that.
• 1:29:36
  And I think for a culture that's like more and more independently
• 1:29:38
  employed doing what they want to do, it's going to be harder and
• 1:29:41
  harder to like basically martyr yourself to someone else, right?
• 1:29:45
  That's going to it seems like. As Father Ambrose says, Father
• 1:29:49
  Ambrose, Chris says you, you can't really live if you haven't
• 1:29:53
  committed to something like it's in commitment that you're able
• 1:29:56
  to fully live your life. Yes, I know.
• 1:30:01
  You got 5. Snacks.
• 1:30:03
  That's also why it's so beautiful right now that we have
• 1:30:06
  people like Lila at the forefront and like, and truly
• 1:30:10
  this new, I feel like it's this huge new wave of people making
• 1:30:15
  it like really cool and fabulous to have families and to get
• 1:30:20
  married and to have to have children and that women are also
• 1:30:25
  learning that it's not fulfilling to just sleep with a
• 1:30:28
  million guys and the Sex in the City way.
• 1:30:30
  I mean, it's my favorite show, but you know, I I also watch
• 1:30:33
  I'm. Gonna double click on.
• 1:30:34
  That no I know but I watched it minus when I was younger.
• 1:30:36
  I watched Sex in the City without any of the sex because
• 1:30:39
  it was on the WB. You watched in the city?
• 1:30:41
  That's I just watched in the city.
• 1:30:42
  I just watched it are. You, Mr. Big or Aiden?
• 1:30:44
  I, I mean, I love to think, Brian.
• 1:30:47
  Knows about the show. Yes, but all that to say.
• 1:30:49
  Out of the world, but I'm in it. Yeah, I, I think that though for
• 1:30:53
  women, I think it's, it's so beautiful to see so many women
• 1:30:56
  waking up and being like, oh, wait, no casual sex.
• 1:31:00
  The society told me it was this incredible thing.
• 1:31:02
  I'm going to feel so empowered. But then it's like, oh, no, this
• 1:31:06
  is not an empowering thing. You need therapy.
• 1:31:08
  And that's why Empowering to Get ran through.
• 1:31:10
  Yeah, it's really not. But but, but we women have been
• 1:31:13
  brainwashed into thinking that this is Oh yeah, I can do
• 1:31:16
  whatever I want and then not even have to face the
• 1:31:18
  consequences because abortion is so easy and oh, it's no big
• 1:31:22
  deal. And then that's it.
• 1:31:24
  So it all trickles down South. Caitlin, what do you think?
• 1:31:29
  Spit. What Ryan said about having a
• 1:31:33
  prayer life is so key because at the end of the day, our ultimate
• 1:31:38
  goal is getting to heaven. And the person you're with, you
• 1:31:44
  want them to help you in your journey to heaven and become
• 1:31:48
  holier. And sometimes when people get
• 1:31:52
  married, it gets harder. I mean, you know, if there's
• 1:31:57
  conflict, you yeah, life is hard.
• 1:31:59
  Things happen. And we always should be oriented
• 1:32:04
  towards heaven. As a Catholic, we believe
• 1:32:08
  actually there won't be marriage in heaven.
• 1:32:12
  We will be fully united with Christ.
• 1:32:14
  And yes, we should love. We should, you know, live out
• 1:32:20
  our vocation. That is so important.
• 1:32:22
  It's it's we should be thinking about how can I serve?
• 1:32:25
  How can I love the other person? It's not all about me and what I
• 1:32:28
  can get out of the relationship. I think the only way to have
• 1:32:32
  that perspective is to check yourself and check in with God
• 1:32:37
  every single day and reorient your mind, especially if you are
• 1:32:42
  having a hard time finding someone and you're getting
• 1:32:44
  discouraged and you're losing hope.
• 1:32:46
  Like I can't find a good guy that has my values.
• 1:32:50
  It can you can, you know, be in a really tough place.
• 1:32:54
  I have girlfriends that are in that place.
• 1:32:57
  And at the end of the day, I know it's easier said than done,
• 1:33:01
  but you have to remember like Christ is number 1 and I'm not
• 1:33:05
  going to be fully fulfilled even if I were to find an amazing man
• 1:33:09
  to be with. But contemplation like the, I
• 1:33:15
  think specifically with prayer, not just saying stuff to God,
• 1:33:20
  but also trying to listen to what he's trying to say to you,
• 1:33:23
  that is huge because I think a lot of people don't do that
• 1:33:26
  enough. It's just you can't expect to
• 1:33:29
  have a good relationship with someone if you don't listen to
• 1:33:31
  them. So, and why would you not want
• 1:33:34
  to listen to the advice of the like the like literally the
• 1:33:38
  perfect counsellor, the perfect therapist, the perfect, the
• 1:33:42
  creator himself, right? So, yeah, I want to really
• 1:33:45
  emphasize contemplation, like spending time with like, you
• 1:33:48
  know, in silence and trying to, and this is not to say try to
• 1:33:51
  blank out any thought that maybe comes to you because it could be
• 1:33:54
  that God's using your own imagination to speak to you.
• 1:33:57
  So, you know, there's, there can be more on that.
• 1:34:00
  I. Think more like you said, a
• 1:34:01
  spiritual director A. Spiritual director can help you
• 1:34:03
  with that. Think Lala had a good episode
• 1:34:05
  with this woman who talked about hearing God's voice?
• 1:34:08
  What was her name again? Jonna.
• 1:34:10
  Jonna was great. Shuster.
• 1:34:13
  Jonna Schuster. Yeah.
• 1:34:14
  Hearing God's voice. Yeah, that was a great episode
• 1:34:16
  that like, really helped me a lot actually.
• 1:34:18
  But yeah, yeah, hearing God's voice is huge.
• 1:34:21
  Yeah, and also just it's funny as an anecdote, in my church
• 1:34:24
  community, there were some people that like the prayer was
• 1:34:27
  like a Lord, if I'm with the wrong person, like I trust, like
• 1:34:30
  make it known. I cannot tell you the number of
• 1:34:33
  people were just like when they authentically prayed that.
• 1:34:35
  And again, I think God gives signs and it's tough, right,
• 1:34:38
  Because I, I probably in the camp that there, I mean, there's
• 1:34:41
  not like one person or everyone, obviously it's like, 'cause then
• 1:34:42
  the whole system would get thrown off if one person messed
• 1:34:44
  up that order, right? But generally speaking, like
• 1:34:47
  there's probably a lot of great people that you can pick.
• 1:34:49
  But if you're with someone you like shouldn't be with, right?
• 1:34:51
  Just like God let me know. And man, the way supernaturally
• 1:34:54
  I and I use that word lightly, like, but it's, I don't use the
• 1:34:57
  word lightly. And it's crazy to see how God
• 1:34:59
  would just like, you know, break people up and.
• 1:35:02
  Called the prayer again. It's like a specific.
• 1:35:05
  Release or. Something, yeah, but there's a
• 1:35:06
  specific prayer that all the girlies prey on TikTok.
• 1:35:09
  And I don't even go on TikTok. I just get it unrealized.
• 1:35:12
  You know you're so in the know I.
• 1:35:13
  Mean, I think as so long as you just ask him, please make it
• 1:35:16
  known to me. Give me clarity of this.
• 1:35:18
  He's a father. The thing is, God is our father.
• 1:35:21
  He's never going to like, why would I give you a, you know, a,
• 1:35:25
  a rock? If you ask for bread like that,
• 1:35:26
  there's stone If you ask for bread like he's our father.
• 1:35:28
  He gives us what we need. So and and like you were saying
• 1:35:31
  earlier about the Holy Spirit, Ryan, like he's our counselor.
• 1:35:34
  He's with us always. So I just, I hope that people
• 1:35:37
  listening, whether they already are married and they have
• 1:35:41
  someone that they love that they need to encourage who's single,
• 1:35:44
  still single and hoping to be married or they're not married
• 1:35:47
  yet and they're, you know, hope, hoping that direction that they
• 1:35:52
  can at the end of the day, come back to God's love for them and
• 1:35:56
  God's plan for them. Yeah, and just read First
• 1:35:59
  Corinthians 7. The married person will face so
• 1:36:01
  many troubles in this life, and I wish to spare you this.
• 1:36:04
  This is Apostle Paul. I love that.
• 1:36:06
  Let's do final words. And I was going to do a We can
• 1:36:08
  close with prayer, actually, and we'll pray for the people
• 1:36:10
  listening. So, OK, final words, final
• 1:36:13
  thoughts. Franco, do you want to?
• 1:36:16
  Kick us off an action item. Who's this girl?
• 1:36:17
  Like what's going to happen? You going to drive 7 hours?
• 1:36:20
  You can ask her to coffee. I'm going to keep this stuff
• 1:36:23
  private. Actually what I would want to
• 1:36:27
  wrap up with is. Give the fans.
• 1:36:29
  What they want, we want to know what's going on.
• 1:36:30
  Down he gave you. Really.
• 1:36:31
  Give. The people, what they want,
• 1:36:32
  Franco. So will there be action taken at
• 1:36:34
  some point? Franco, I've taken, I've taken
• 1:36:37
  plenty of action first as I can tell I've I've quite wrapped a
• 1:36:43
  lot of the own personal responsibility throughout this
• 1:36:45
  entire episode. So I'm a firm believer of that.
• 1:36:48
  And I and I and I do seek to uphold to be a man of my word.
• 1:36:53
  So you are you are many words. Anyways, look, I mean, oh, to
• 1:36:58
  God, you know, it's all to God, But it's interesting because I
• 1:37:01
  feel like I don't know, I feel like content where I am like I,
• 1:37:05
  I hear people talk about, Oh, I just, I'm really longing to.
• 1:37:08
  I just want to get married so bad.
• 1:37:10
  And I'm like, I'm actually chilling.
• 1:37:13
  Like I love like I love my life. And maybe I'm 24.
• 1:37:16
  Yeah, I am 24. That's true.
• 1:37:19
  Sure. But I'm also a huge romantic.
• 1:37:21
  So I'm like, wait till you're 20. 8 Will you still be chilling
• 1:37:23
  20? 30 things.
• 1:37:27
  OK, yeah, maybe, maybe I'm speaking, speaking too richly
• 1:37:30
  right now. It's.
• 1:37:31
  OK, because there's other 24. But Givens got out of high
• 1:37:34
  school. There's not a lot to know about,
• 1:37:35
  so I appreciate that. But given I do think I do think
• 1:37:40
  a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am seeking to let
• 1:37:43
  Jesus fulfill me completely. And I'm not going to lie, sure,
• 1:37:46
  like there was yearnings, but at the same time, like I am very
• 1:37:49
  content like with I'm content with my life.
• 1:37:52
  And I've heard how like some people like when they are
• 1:37:55
  content with their life, they just the person just like God
• 1:37:58
  just brings them that person again, not promising anything to
• 1:38:02
  anybody watching again, God maybe try to is wanting to for
• 1:38:06
  you to stay have a Stephanie Gray Connor story or something
• 1:38:09
  like you never know. But if I had to say anything
• 1:38:12
  final, I would say that back to what my friend said about the
• 1:38:16
  vocation crisis and his name is John Jerone.
• 1:38:18
  I love that guy. Shout out John Jerone.
• 1:38:20
  I love that guy, but no. Shout out, I'm double shout
• 1:38:22
  that. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:38:24
  And a lot of likes John as well. He's he's great.
• 1:38:26
  But John Jerone, he was telling me, yeah, he was telling me
• 1:38:29
  this, that there is like, it seems like there is a vocation
• 1:38:32
  crisis for marriage. And he said, like, where are the
• 1:38:35
  priests going to come from? Like, we, we need priests.
• 1:38:40
  And I think the immediate thing that we might think it was like,
• 1:38:43
  oh, we'll, we'll just get priests if we just, you know,
• 1:38:45
  have like more people that are more devout, like, yeah, but you
• 1:38:48
  also need more of a population like, you do need that as well.
• 1:38:51
  So I think if the devil's trying to stop people from becoming
• 1:38:55
  priests, he would also attack the sacrament of marriage as
• 1:38:57
  well. So I, I do think that and maybe
• 1:39:00
  you could give some people scrupulosity as to whether or
• 1:39:02
  not they should be celibate or whether or, you know, there's
• 1:39:04
  some stuff like that. Again, take us to your spiritual
• 1:39:06
  counselor. I'm not your spiritual
• 1:39:08
  counselor, but act in hope, not fear.
• 1:39:13
  Act in joy, not fear. Act in act in Christ and take
• 1:39:18
  into account where you can always seek to grow an imitation
• 1:39:22
  of him, of the incarnation, of goodness itself.
• 1:39:25
  And I think that you will see your life truly will emulate
• 1:39:29
  him. And I think that can have an
• 1:39:31
  incredible butterfly effect that you might not have that you
• 1:39:34
  can't even see right now. Beautiful, Franco.
• 1:39:38
  Thank you. I will go, yes.
• 1:39:41
  I mean, I guess my matchmaker's perspective, I've just found
• 1:39:45
  that there's this incredible book.
• 1:39:48
  It's 31 prayers for your Future husband and then they have a 31
• 1:39:53
  Prayers for your Future wife. It is a Christian book.
• 1:39:55
  It is not a Catholic book, but it's OK.
• 1:39:57
  There's still prayers which are chef's kiss.
• 1:40:00
  Well, Christian, you know I, I, I get.
• 1:40:03
  Real for that, but as long. As that's a lot.
• 1:40:05
  I mean, that's. Christian.
• 1:40:08
  Catholic is Christian, Catholic is Christian, but it's, you
• 1:40:10
  know, it's a very, but I, I am such a big believer in praying
• 1:40:13
  for your future husband and praying for your future wife.
• 1:40:16
  And I've seen mean also after more than a decade of being a
• 1:40:20
  matchmaker, people praying like praying for their spouses.
• 1:40:25
  And then when they meet and they're like, Oh my gosh, I've
• 1:40:27
  been praying for you. So just keep that in mind that
• 1:40:30
  like if you're praying for your future husband or if you're
• 1:40:33
  praying for your future wife, they're praying for you too.
• 1:40:37
  And I just think that that's so magical to think about.
• 1:40:39
  And I see it happen every single day as a matchmaker.
• 1:40:45
  So, yeah, I mean, I'm and I'm, I'm also, I'm praying for all
• 1:40:48
  the listeners and for all the panelists, for their future
• 1:40:52
  spouses and their future children and their and their
• 1:40:55
  future priests that will come from the children that they then
• 1:40:58
  have. Franco.
• 1:41:00
  That is, that is something I was scrupulous about.
• 1:41:01
  Before I will start that prayer now I.
• 1:41:04
  Think I think I might have been scrupulous.
• 1:41:05
  About your future husband. Your future husband, thank you.
• 1:41:08
  You go next. OK, one, I appreciate this.
• 1:41:12
  I love these conversations. Actually, you know, I, I teased
• 1:41:15
  you, Frank, but I would say I'm generally like, I'm, I'm really
• 1:41:18
  blessed. I'm super content and I'm
• 1:41:21
  grateful for that. Like I just got back from six
• 1:41:22
  weeks in Europe and I was filming a show and it was
• 1:41:25
  amazing. And it's like there are, I would
• 1:41:26
  encourage everyone like, you know, obviously, I, I genuinely
• 1:41:30
  believe that God does not give us desires, generally speaking,
• 1:41:34
  so that they can be deferred and ultimately unfulfilled.
• 1:41:37
  I think it's a fair things they got.
• 1:41:38
  If I, if I have this deep desire to be married and have a family
• 1:41:43
  and God is a good God and he doesn't like to withhold things,
• 1:41:46
  right, It's like, great, then then trust in that and hope in
• 1:41:49
  that or say God take that. And I do believe one of the
• 1:41:51
  things happens. Usually it's that either gets
• 1:41:54
  fulfilled or he changes the desires of our heart, right.
• 1:41:56
  We said the, the Psalms say draw near to the Lord and he will
• 1:41:59
  give us the desires of our hearts.
• 1:42:01
  And so, but if you're in the season of singleness, like
• 1:42:03
  celebrate it. I mean, there's, there are
• 1:42:04
  things that you can do right? There are opportunities you can
• 1:42:07
  start things you can go places, you can risk your life in ways
• 1:42:10
  that that can that others can't when others demand.
• 1:42:13
  I mean, I, I, I joke about it, but it's like, you know, Paul
• 1:42:16
  says in first Corinthians 7 several ways, right?
• 1:42:18
  Like, you know, the married person's attention is divided on
• 1:42:21
  how to satisfy their spouse and God, but the single person can
• 1:42:25
  have their attention holy and focused on God.
• 1:42:28
  So there is a unique blessing. Our religion and our our faith
• 1:42:30
  is centered on a single celibate male that we follow.
• 1:42:35
  You know, we have Apostle Paul who is also probably married and
• 1:42:38
  then lost his wife. And so he knows what it's like.
• 1:42:40
  And so I'd say if you're single and you're hurting and they're
• 1:42:43
  just feeling that way, just know like there is a lot of
• 1:42:46
  opportunities and hope the things you can do, but also go
• 1:42:49
  after God, ask boldly. James says you have not because
• 1:42:52
  you ask not. And I think we can make a case
• 1:42:55
  like we just got to pray aggressively and knocking on
• 1:42:57
  heaven's door. And you quoted Luke 11 earlier
• 1:43:00
  with who will ask who will God give a stone to if you ask for
• 1:43:03
  bread? And that first part of the verse
• 1:43:05
  is my favorite verse in all Scripture.
• 1:43:06
  It says, you know, the guy's locked in his room, I got his
• 1:43:10
  whole family. And a stranger comes at
• 1:43:11
  midnight, pounds on the door and says, yo, friend, I need some
• 1:43:13
  bread. I got a stranger in my house.
• 1:43:15
  He says, I can't get up and give you anything.
• 1:43:17
  And he says, but it is not because he's your friend.
• 1:43:20
  It's because of the shamelessness and the
• 1:43:22
  persistence of your asking that he will get up and give you all
• 1:43:24
  that you need. And so boldly, persistently,
• 1:43:27
  audaciously go after God, ask. And yeah, you never know.
• 1:43:31
  You never know what tomorrow could bring.
• 1:43:33
  So I'm excited for whatever happened.
• 1:43:35
  That goes for me, too. Preaching to myself as well.
• 1:43:39
  I want to say one thing that is very meaningful and helpful to
• 1:43:45
  me is looking at the married couples that are such beautiful
• 1:43:49
  examples and I am inspired. I'm encouraged.
• 1:43:56
  Like your marriage, again, it's not just about you.
• 1:44:02
  It's not it it's about your spouse, it's about your
• 1:44:04
  children. It's also a witness to the world
• 1:44:08
  and the community around you like it.
• 1:44:11
  It's a ripple effect and it is so powerful and so beautiful.
• 1:44:14
  So I just want to thank all the wonderful married couples out
• 1:44:18
  there. Thank you for your witness and
• 1:44:21
  your yes so. Let's close in prayer, guys.
• 1:44:25
  Name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit.
• 1:44:27
  Amen. Heavenly Father, thank you so
• 1:44:29
  much for bringing these beautiful souls here.
• 1:44:31
  Thank you for everybody who's listening, for just giving us
• 1:44:35
  life and giving us the opportunity to love, to love
• 1:44:39
  you, to be loved by you. Thank you for making us for
• 1:44:42
  love. I pray that every single person
• 1:44:45
  listening right now feels your love, knows that they are loved
• 1:44:49
  in their hearts and that they can lean on you and put make an
• 1:44:53
  act of faith right now. Faith in you saying Jesus, I
• 1:44:57
  trust in you. Jesus, I give my whole life to
• 1:45:01
  you. I surrender to you and offer
• 1:45:04
  every every concern, worry, anxiety, question, joy, every
• 1:45:09
  piece of our life. We radically offer it to you.
• 1:45:12
  And I pray that through our conversation and through this
• 1:45:17
  podcast, many people can, I pray find people that they can marry.
• 1:45:24
  And I think sacred Spark, I big shout out, I'm I'm putting them
• 1:45:27
  in the prayer right now because I do really believe in sacred
• 1:45:29
  spark, but also in the comment section here, you know, if
• 1:45:32
  you're in the comment section, feel free to share your name.
• 1:45:35
  Maybe it's someone with the show can meet each other.
• 1:45:37
  But I just pray that fruitfulness comes from the show
• 1:45:40
  in terms of marriages and in terms of strengthened marriages.
• 1:45:44
  And I ask that be done because that's one of the whole purposes
• 1:45:47
  we're doing the show. So I'll offer that to you, Lord,
• 1:45:50
  and I just offer every single person listening to you and I
• 1:45:53
  ask together that we make this act of surrender and that you
• 1:45:56
  just pour down your graces and that you bring many fruitful
• 1:46:00
  marriages together and you strengthen the marriages that
• 1:46:03
  are already here. Lord, I just thank you.
• 1:46:06
  Your word says in Proverbs that a person's heart chooses the
• 1:46:09
  way, but the Lord directs the steps and many of the plans of a
• 1:46:13
  person's heart. But the Lord's purpose prevails.
• 1:46:15
  So God, we just thank you that you're sovereign and you're
• 1:46:18
  good. And so it plays out how you want
• 1:46:20
  it. And so I just pray that would
• 1:46:21
  give some peace and measure. And just like Paul writes in
• 1:46:24
  Romans, right, that he works all things for the good.
• 1:46:27
  So every heartbreak, every misstep, every, if there's been
• 1:46:31
  affairs, if there's been divorces, if there's been just
• 1:46:34
  whatever the story is, whatever pain or whatever, Lord, you work
• 1:46:38
  all things for the good. And none of us are beyond your
• 1:46:42
  reach for love, redemption. And you do you.
• 1:46:46
  You use everything for good. And so I just pray that for
• 1:46:49
  everyone here and for everyone watching that whatever your
• 1:46:53
  story is, just trust that God would use it for good and just
• 1:46:57
  give it to him and he will. So Lord, we just thank you and
• 1:47:00
  we love you. Thank you that you are
• 1:47:01
  sovereign. Lord, thank you so much for
• 1:47:04
  bringing us together and for really just anyone who's
• 1:47:08
  listening. Specifically for the single
• 1:47:11
  girlies, I want to say a special prayer for you, my little
• 1:47:15
  angels. Know that if you have that
• 1:47:18
  desire in your heart that the Lord will provide and He will be
• 1:47:22
  so worth the wait. And just know how loved and how
• 1:47:27
  adored you are and you are made perfect in the image and
• 1:47:31
  likeness of God. And I just pray for you
• 1:47:35
  specifically my, my girls, and also for all of the unborn,
• 1:47:41
  unborn babies. Just being here with Lila, I am
• 1:47:45
  reminded of of a huge, a huge prayer in, in all of our hearts
• 1:47:51
  for the unborn. Yeah, yeah, in Jesus name.
• 1:47:57
  We love you, Lord. Thank you for Lila and her
• 1:48:01
  leadership and bringing us together.
• 1:48:02
  Thank you for Alessandra. Thank you for Ryan.
• 1:48:05
  Thank you for Franco. Help us to live out our
• 1:48:10
  vocations with courage, with hope, with joy.
• 1:48:17
  Amen. Father, please continue to
• 1:48:20
  inspire good works within us and please keep inspiring our faith
• 1:48:26
  so that we may be able to have those works flow from them.
• 1:48:30
  And please help us especially seek to hear for your word more.
• 1:48:38
  You want to know what you have to say to us.
• 1:48:40
  We want to know what you want to say to us.
• 1:48:45
  We love to hear you, Lord, and we love you.
• 1:48:49
  Amen. Paterno cerco essentially
• 1:48:53
  sanctification momentum avenir Reagan tomb Fiat voluntas to a
• 1:48:58
  secret in cello ET intera panam nostrum coats the enem de
• 1:49:02
  nobisoli ETA nobis to beat a Nostra secure tennos timitimos
• 1:49:07
  to be Tori bus nostris ET nenos inducas and tassionum, said
• 1:49:11
  Libere no samaro. Amen.
• 1:49:14
  In the name of the Father and of the Son of the Holy Spirit,
• 1:49:17
  Amen. These DMS are blowing up now.
• 1:49:21
  Why? Do a man who prays.
• 1:49:24
  For you like that, right? Tell me I'm Christian without
• 1:49:27
  saying I'm Christian. Catholic.
• 1:49:30
  So I'm serious, holy. Christian.
• 1:49:31
  Thank you guys. You guys are the best.
• 1:49:33
  Thanks so much for listening to this episode of The Lila Rose
• 1:49:35
  Show. I hope you enjoyed it.
• 1:49:36
  I always do. Make sure that you're subscribed
• 1:49:39
  if you haven't hit that subscribe button already and go
• 1:49:41
  over to our Patreon to support the mission of this show.
• 1:49:44
  That's patreon.com/lila Rose Show.
• 1:49:47
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• 1:49:50
  broadcaster in the entire world. EWTN is reaching millions of
• 1:49:54
  people every single day with the beautiful truth of the gospel.
• 1:49:57
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• 1:50:01
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