Latest / HAIstoric Phonograph — irreverent dispatches from a history that never quite happened
History Was Gayer And Hornier Than You Think
Send us Fan MailTurns out the “Great Man” theory of history was just a series of powerful dudes being absolutely dick-whipped for their boyfriends. Let’s get one thing straight (lol): history as you learned it is a lie cooked up by dusty old farts who couldn’t handle the sheer, uncut horniness of the past. Take Alexander the Great. You think he conquered most of the known world for glory? For strategy? Please. He did it because his ride-or-die, Hephaestion, probably saw a map and said, “Babe, I think our drapes would look *fabulous* in Persepolis.” And Alexander, a man whose two brain cells…
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