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The Battery Life of a Newlywed: Supporting a Partner with Bipolar Disorder with Danika · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

0:00
Hey. Before we get into today's conversation, please note that this conversation
0:04
contains mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation.
0:07
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach
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out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available
0:15
247. Just dial 988. Remember, you're not
0:19
alone. Especially, like,
0:23
with something like bipolar disorder, like, to talk to somebody and say, hey,
0:26
my husband's in the psychiatric unit because he wanted to kill himself. That's a very
0:30
heavy topic, and it's hard to bring that up to somebody
0:34
because I want to make sure that they're okay and that, you know, what are
0:38
their emotions like? Are they gonna be in that grieving and, like, anxiety moment
0:41
too? It's this weird web of where you're you almost forget
0:45
about yourself and the fact that you need care and you need to
0:49
be supported and you need to look at, like, and ask yourself the same questions
0:53
you would ask people around you. Like, how are you doing? What does
0:56
loving your neighbor actually look like?
1:00
This is Journey with Care, where curious Canadians get inspired
1:04
to love others well through real life stories and honest conversations.
1:11
This is Johan here. We are in our series, Battery Life of a
1:15
Caregiver. We're exploring the lives of those who dedicate themselves to caregiving
1:19
roles. We'll uncover what it takes, their self care strategies,
1:23
and how our communities can provide much needed support around them.
1:26
Today, I'm honored to have a returning guest and my daughter,
1:30
Danica, to share a little bit about being a wife and support to someone
1:34
living with bipolar disorder. But before we get into
1:37
that conversation, remember that we have Journey with Prayer, 5 minute
1:41
devotional to start off your week. That's on a separate feed. If you check the
1:44
show notes, I got some links there for you to follow.
1:48
And to continue to produce great content, we rely on the
1:52
generosity of our listeners, donors, and sponsors of Care Impact.
1:56
To help the podcast and the work of Care Impact in the community, we value
1:59
your support. We'd love to connect with new sponsors and
2:03
donors to the podcast. Just head over to the show notes again or careimpact.ca/podcast.
2:08
So Danica, who previously shared her adoption story at the
2:12
beginning of this season, season 3 episodes 1 to 3. You can
2:16
go listen to that if you wanna hear a story. Danica is also the loving
2:19
wife of Jaden who opened up about his bipolar disorder diagnosis on
2:23
episode 21 of season 3 this season. That episode was called
2:27
differently wired navigating bipolar disorder in community.
2:30
Really good episode. I encourage you to check it out. Feel free to pause this
2:34
episode and listen to that one. It might be a good way to, preview this
2:38
episode, but here we are. Welcome to the podcast, Danica.
2:42
Thank you for having me again. Looking forward to the conversation. I
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always love having conversations with you, whether it's on the podcast
2:49
or in my living room. Alright, Danica. We're gonna get right into
2:53
it. Let's go to the beginning, not the beginning of your life,
2:56
but can you reminisce about the early days of your relationship with Jaden?
3:00
What drew you to him? Yeah. So when I first came
3:04
to Winnipeg, I was a part of a smaller church
3:07
community. And so Jaiden was one of
3:11
2 of the young adults there, and
3:15
I just noticed that he just was a really joyful individual
3:19
and super committed to Jesus. And I just really
3:22
admired that. I think it kind of just went from there. It also
3:26
helped that he lived, like, 10 houses down from where I was
3:30
living. And so during, like, the COVID pandemic, we would
3:34
start going for walks one summer, got to know each other a bit
3:37
better, did an online bible study with some people from our
3:41
church. And then it was when I started studying with him
3:45
in the University of Manitoba engineering basement. During my
3:48
1st year of university, it was we went for walks every single
3:52
day for, like, 4 months. And during that
3:56
time, it was still the his heart for Jesus and just
4:00
the love that he had for him and just how faithful he's
4:03
been in his walk with the Lord just really drew me to him, and he's
4:06
he's super funny, kind of like a carefree individual. Yeah.
4:10
He's one of the most joyful people you'll ever meet. Yeah. And we
4:13
went through a little bit of that dating story in our episode 1 to 3
4:17
there where you shared about the walks of the pandemic and the awkwardness
4:21
of walking across the street and waving to the person you're dating,
4:24
which is kind of odd. But did you suspect anything about Jaden's mental health,
4:28
during that time of dating? Yeah. So because I
4:32
knew him before we started dating, he had taken, like, a break
4:36
from school, for, like, an entire semester
4:39
and had kinda mentioned something how it was, like, for
4:43
his mental health. And so our first date,
4:47
we talked about his mental health, like, in great detail. And
4:51
I got to kinda know more about, like, his depression and,
4:55
like, that cycle where one moment he's, like, okay,
4:59
and then suddenly everything sucks, and he is starting to have, like,
5:02
suicidal thoughts regularly. But he didn't have a diagnosis at this point,
5:06
right, while you were dating? No. He didn't have a diagnosis at all. It's like
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this mysterious thing that just started happening to him.
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So when you had those conversations about his mental health, do you feel like that
5:17
was a red flag for you, or was that something that drew you to
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him and something that you felt like, you know what? This is part of who
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you are, and I'm I'm willing to deal with this. I think for
5:28
me, just with my own mental health journey, and, you know,
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my biological dad has PTSD. That's pretty bad. And
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so I just didn't see it being, like, the core of who he
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is. It was definitely something that I did
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consider in, like, you know, walking with him and, like, learning how to support him
5:46
during those times, but he was so much more than just his mental health.
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And, you know, when you start falling in love, it's like, there's gonna be good
5:53
things about the person you marry, and there's gonna be things that are gonna be
5:56
difficult to walk through. But, yeah, I didn't see it as a red flag. I
5:59
just saw it as, oh, maybe the Lord's, like, bringing us together
6:03
because of my background with mental health and just the way that I view it.
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Another important thing is, like, when we first started dating, like, I was surprised
6:10
that he'd liked me back. I'd always had this, like, idea that I was too
6:13
broken or just too much to be in a relationship.
6:18
And just he loved me back so well. And, like, he loved the
6:21
quirkiest weirdest parts of me, and it's just it was just a really
6:25
refreshing experience. That's amazing. So you
6:29
guys get married. Now let's talk about that time frame leading up to when
6:32
Jaden actually got his diagnosis. How did that come about? How did
6:36
he get that diagnosis, and how did you guys react to the
6:40
news? How did you respond? Yeah. So I had a
6:43
general idea of his, like, suicidal thoughts and, like,
6:47
depressive, like, episodes. But when we got
6:50
married, it was like two and a half weeks after the wedding. He came
6:54
home and he was like, hey, I walked to the bridge
6:58
and I almost jumped. And I was like, okay. Okay. This is fine.
7:02
I remained calm, but once we were married, I
7:05
really saw what they were actually like. Because like
7:09
I was there in the middle of the night when he'd wake up and need
7:12
to talk or having hours and hours of conversations.
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And so it was just an added, like, challenge in that 1st
7:19
year, trying to learn to navigate to live with someone when
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they can be 1 like, they can be depressed one moment, super
7:27
happy, or just all of a sudden, like, mellow
7:30
kind of in between. And so for the first, like, year and a half of
7:34
our marriage, it was like almost every single month. It was
7:38
like a cycle that he would start to get, like, into a
7:42
low as we called it, and then he wouldn't be sleeping well.
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And then he would get the suicidal ideation. And it just really
7:49
varied on how severe that would be each time. And
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so a lot of it was encouraging him and pushing him towards,
7:57
you know, going for therapy. Then we went on antidepressants
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because we just thought it was chronic depression. That's what, like, the doctor was
8:05
saying, and we're just waiting until we found, like, the
8:09
right supports to navigate it. But it was
8:13
hard. I mean, when you're married and it's your 1st year,
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something that Jane and I have talked about, we didn't really get that honeymoon phase.
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We started with life and death situations and
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just really going into that, for better or for worse, in sickness and
8:28
health, like, immediately. And so, eventually, he
8:32
got on some antidepressants. And once they kicked in, nothing happened
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for, like, 7 months. And then all of a sudden after that 7
8:39
months, he went back into a low. And so
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our doctor was like, oh, we'll just switch you onto a different kind
8:47
of antidepressant. Sometimes they build up in your body and they don't work.
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And when he went on these ones, that's when he had his first,
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like, noticeable manic episode. And,
8:59
personally, that was scarier than when he was lower because
9:03
he wasn't sleeping at all. So what did that look like, a manic
9:06
episode? I mean, he describes it a little bit in his episode, but
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from your perspective, like, how did you feel during this manic
9:14
episodes, and what did it look like from your perspective? From my
9:17
perspective, it looked like he was going insane. Also, he was just,
9:21
like, mega genius all of a sudden. Like, the stuff he was talking about was
9:25
insane, but he was just full of energy
9:29
all the time. And that really soft,
9:33
careful, considerate side of him just disappeared. And so
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it was really hard because I really wanted him to be happy and
9:40
thriving and enjoying life. But now he was in a situation where I was asking
9:44
him not to do that. And that was like the hardest thing to do. I
9:48
did end up saying something very bluntly to him at
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one point, because he's like, don't you want me to be happy? I
9:55
told him something along the lines. Like, the only one that's enjoying your
9:59
happiness right now is you. And that was really
10:02
hard to say. But once I said that, that's when, like,
10:06
Jaden and I had alarm bells going off. And we talked to
10:10
our family doctor, and that's when we first heard the words
10:14
bipolar disorder. So where did it go from there? How did he get
10:18
that official diagnosis? So he had to go off the
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antidepressants that he was trying because for those with bipolar
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disorder, they cause manic episodes. And then
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we got him on to one medication for
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bipolar, but our general practitioner, she can't prescribe
10:37
anything higher. And so she had to refer him to a psychiatrist,
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and we just waited because you can't rush a referral to
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psychiatry. They're overworked, and there's such a demand, and there's not
10:49
enough to meet that demand. And so that up and
10:52
down was normal life at that point. So when you get the
10:56
diagnosis, how did you guys react? What was your response? How do you feel? What
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were the emotions going on at that time? So that
11:03
was January of this year, and a
11:07
lot was going on for me emotionally already. The whole reason we got the
11:11
diagnosis is I lost someone really important to me,
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and I just didn't have the emotional capacity to go through another
11:18
low. And I noticed this, like, suicidal ideation was, like,
11:22
super bad. I was exhausted, and I was like,
11:26
if I keep him at home, I'm being selfish
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because I just don't wanna be away from him, but he needs
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help. And so we went to the
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crisis response center, was up most of that night, and
11:41
they decided to send him to the
11:45
psychiatry ward so that they could go through a formal
11:48
diagnosis process because they were pretty convinced he had bipolar disorder at this point.
11:52
And that way they could try different meds and try them at
11:56
higher doses so they work faster. And you could also get that formal
12:00
diagnosis in a week instead of waiting so many months for, like, a
12:03
community psychiatrist. And so I remember, like, when they
12:07
came to get him to bring him to the psych ward, they asked if
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I wanted to walk with him. And I just
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knew I couldn't walk with him and then be escorted out
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of the building. Like, it was a very I was, like, very I
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just felt so empty inside at that point. You know, my best friend, the
12:26
person that, like, I feel the safest with wasn't
12:30
by my side during a time that I was grieving someone that was
12:33
super important to me. How did you get through that time?
12:37
So I remember the first night, Jaden's brother picked me
12:40
up from the crisis response center, and then I went to your guys' house.
12:44
You and mom were not there yet. You were gonna be there,
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like, a little bit later. And so I remember Eli
12:51
was home, and so it was just really special because he and I just watched
12:55
a movie in the basement together, and it was just really nice to not be
12:59
asked about it. And then I have a really good friend
13:02
from my church who I was getting fairly close with her
13:06
family and her kids. And when I updated her about what
13:10
was going on, it was just so refreshing. Her first question
13:14
was like, why didn't you guys tell me about Jaden's mental health sooner or, you
13:17
know, asking all these questions? But she was like, you can come stay at our
13:20
house anytime that you need. We will feed you. We're here for
13:24
you. And, like, the whole week because I did
13:28
go stay at their house overnight one night, and then
13:32
I would get text during the days when I wasn't there, like, have you had
13:35
lunch? Are you eating? Are you drinking? Did you sleep last night?
13:38
And it was just so refreshing because unknown to me at
13:42
that time, I have ADHD, and so eating regularly can
13:46
be difficult on a good day. And I just felt like I was known
13:50
by somebody and, like, like, their focus
13:53
was completely on me and what I needed. And it
13:57
was just so good because it made it easier to talk about what was going
14:01
on with Jaden and how I was feeling, and they're just a
14:05
really good rock during that time. Yeah. Because often in these
14:08
crisis situations, you'll often get the question, how
14:12
is Jaden doing? And it it doesn't often come
14:16
where they'll ask how you're doing because it's very
14:20
stressful for the caregivers in these crisis situations.
14:24
It is. And I understand that because it's also very stressful for people that care
14:27
about the individual because it's like, they wanna make sure they're
14:31
okay. Like, Jaiden is such a core person in our
14:35
community, and so many people love him. And it's
14:38
also so scary to ask a caregiver how they're doing
14:42
because it's like, what's your relationship like for them? Or we're
14:46
not necessarily taught in society how to care for
14:49
somebody when they're going through something like that to get
14:53
support or, like, you know, is it okay to ask this question? But it's just
14:56
we're not taught to ask about the caregiver first and then the person
15:00
that's being cared for. Do you feel there's sometimes maybe feelings
15:04
of guilt to to even bring up about how you're feeling when
15:08
when you get questions like that? Like, is there is there a guilt thing there?
15:12
Sometimes. Like, I wanted to be asked first.
15:16
I wanted people to see me and to focus on me, but, of course, I'm
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riddled with guilt and shame because my
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husband's in this psychiatric unit at the hospital, and I'm able to be at
15:27
home. Yes. It almost feels like, how can I be so
15:31
selfish to think about my own care when my husband's in the hospital?
15:34
Right? Yeah. Yeah. This is, like, one of the most emotional weeks I've
15:38
had in my life. And I had to sit down and, like, make the hard
15:42
decision, like, am I gonna continue with my degree? Because you were wondering if you
15:45
had to quit school just to care for him a little bit more and and
15:49
to be available. Right? Yeah. And I was so close to finishing my degree
15:53
too, and I just really I really didn't wanna stop.
15:56
And so a lot of it was asking people questions
16:00
and needing to initiate sometimes
16:04
when I needed help or I needed to talk something through, which is okay, but
16:07
at the same time, that's added exhaustion because I'm also thinking, I
16:11
don't wanna burden people with these hard emotions, these really hard
16:15
conversations, and almost like wanting to care for others around you
16:19
in your community as well, especially, like, with something like bipolar
16:22
disorder. Like, to talk to somebody and say, hey. My husband's in the
16:26
psychiatric unit because he wanted to kill himself. That's a very heavy topic,
16:30
and it's hard to bring that up to somebody because I
16:34
want to make sure that they're okay and that you know, what are their emotions
16:37
like? Are they gonna be in that grieving and, like, anxiety moment too?
16:40
It's this weird web of where you're you almost forget about
16:44
yourself and the fact that you need care and you need to be
16:48
supported, and you need to look at, like, and ask yourself the same questions you
16:52
would ask people around you. Like, how are you doing? Are you grieving?
16:56
Are you anxious? Are you scared? And spoiler alert, Danica. Of course,
17:00
you got your degree. You worked so hard, especially through the
17:03
challenges, and you persevered. It's amazing.
17:07
But since the diagnosis, like, you guys had to learn how to deal with
17:11
bipolar. So what kind of work have have you and Jaden,
17:14
specifically you, like, what have you had to do to manage and learn about bipolar
17:18
and how to implement those things into your guys' everyday lives?
17:22
So in the beginning, when he did come home, he
17:25
ended up reading a book on, like, bipolar
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disorder. And I haven't had the opportunity yet to read through it,
17:33
but the first thing I did is I'd let him just talk in detail about
17:36
what he was learning about himself. And it's
17:40
there was just such a difference once he got on the medication and had a
17:43
community psychiatrist. Like, he was himself
17:47
and was, like, able to, like, manage his emotions and be more stable. Like, it
17:51
was a night and day difference. And so I've just learned
17:55
to ask him questions and to be a
17:59
reminder that having a day that you feel sad isn't
18:02
gonna spiral out of control anymore. And just getting to
18:06
almost be similar to before, where just being that
18:10
emotional support and that comfort and listening and talking with him,
18:14
now it's we know what it is. We have a name for it,
18:17
and just the relief that came with that on its own, like, was the
18:21
biggest thing to learn. So now that he's on
18:24
meds, it feels a little bit more stable. Right? So what
18:28
does a manic episode look like now, and how do you navigate that? How would
18:32
you respond when you're seeing a little bit of a manic episode
18:35
arising? The really cool thing and, like, just such a
18:39
testimony of the Lord, the first, like, they call it, like, a
18:42
cocktail for medications when you're taking different medications
18:47
together to get the best effect. The first group of
18:50
medications they put him on, once he was out of the psychiatric
18:54
unit, he hasn't had any mania.
18:58
It's amazing. Like, I haven't seen him
19:01
go into any, like, really depressive lows or into, like,
19:05
really high highs. It's like his emotions don't go from
19:09
one extreme to the other. They're just that natural, like, some days are
19:13
a little bit more like blood. Other days are like, oh, this is really good.
19:16
But he's just he's stable, and I see that confidence and
19:20
that trust in his emotions now. And it's just it's so
19:23
good. Now I remember you getting the diagnosis, and you're a little
19:27
disappointed to find out that this isn't something that's just gonna go away and
19:30
disappear. Like, this is something you gotta learn to live with. So how
19:34
important has it been having a strong support network around both you
19:38
and Jaden? And who are some of those key peoples that specifically
19:42
you, that you depend on when you when you feel like you're having
19:45
challenges as as a caregiver? I definitely lean,
19:49
like, a lot on you and mom because
19:53
Well, I hope we would be there for you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Get up.
19:57
I think it's really, like for those who have listened to, like, the 3rd
20:00
episode of my adoption story, I remember, like, I
20:04
was just kinda starting in January to lean on you guys more
20:08
when something came up and being a little bit more vulnerable when I needed
20:11
help. And then, like, this just really
20:15
helped with that because it's like I was able to, like, text you guys
20:19
anytime and be like, hey. Like, this isn't going great. And, like, my
20:22
gecko got sick while Jaden was in the psychiatric ward.
20:26
And so you drove me to a vet, which was so helpful
20:29
because, like, my gecko is my emotional support, and he
20:33
decided that was the best week to get sick. And so it's just like I
20:37
feel like I'm way more confident now to come and, like, ask you guys questions
20:40
or say like, hey. It's really, really hard right now, and we
20:44
need this. And it's just I think it's really just brought that
20:48
family relationship with you guys and also the siblings to just new
20:52
levels. And then that family from church, like, this summer, when I
20:56
was finishing my degree, it was, like, so busy. And
20:59
I was over at their place for supper regularly, And that
21:03
really helped because I'm not the biggest fan of cooking at
21:07
all. And so I was able to, like, go, you
21:10
know, eat a meal and just really get to be a part of
21:14
normal life, and they just treated Jaiden normal too, and
21:18
that really helps. Like, I really lean on them for,
21:22
like, that support and, like, knowing that it's like, there's another, like, member of our
21:26
community that we can go over anytime open door.
21:30
And then also, like, Jaden having the opportunity to speak on the
21:33
podcast, it's opened so many doors and so many conversations
21:37
where people's like they've I feel like they feel more, like, confident to be able
21:41
to ask them questions. That seems so important. Right? Yeah.
21:44
Like, even being able to tell our stories and being honest with our mental
21:48
health, it really does open those doors to more conversations
21:51
and being able to care for one another as communities,
21:55
being better supports to the caregivers as well as those needing
21:59
care. It's it's amazing what just having a conversation
22:03
could do for that. Yeah. And I think, like, the biggest thing now that, like,
22:06
he's, like, he's in that, like, stability, his medications are working
22:10
really well, everything. It's like, the best thing caregivers can do right now
22:14
is just treat us like normal because this is our normal.
22:18
And, yeah, it's gonna impact him for the rest of his life,
22:21
and there could be times that his medication needs to be changed up. But, like,
22:25
he has a community psychiatrist now, and he's able to talk to them. And,
22:29
you know, many, many people with bipolar disorder go on to live very
22:32
normal lives. And so being treated normal and
22:36
just that love and that knowing
22:39
that when something if it does happen, that, you know, we still have
22:43
that network and that support to fall on, and that I'm
22:47
not forgotten in that. That's a very important thing
22:51
now is that, yes, we are 1. And, yes,
22:55
Jaden is the one that is very much impacted
22:58
by his mental health because it's it's his body, it's his brain.
23:02
But at the same time, I'm very much impacted by it as
23:06
well because he's, like, my best friend, my, like, super safe
23:10
person. Like like, I couldn't imagine life without him anymore.
23:13
And so the biggest thing I think for caregivers is that
23:17
I'd wanna say is, like, don't forget about us. Now you you've obviously had a
23:21
challenging year. Let's talk about self care a little bit. We know
23:25
that there there have been good people in those challenging times that
23:29
have stepped in. But what about your own self care? How do you recognize
23:32
when things are starting to feel overwhelming? What kind of routines do you
23:36
implement into your daily life to to make you feel grounded, especially after
23:39
having such a challenging year? So I
23:43
think because of how challenging a year it's
23:46
been, I was trying to implement like, journaling is a huge thing for
23:50
me. Like, just sitting down, journaling, and talking to the Lord is,
23:54
like, just something I do on the I try to do on the regular,
23:57
but implementing self care while doing school was really
24:01
difficult. And I started to notice that I was, like, leaning on Instagram
24:05
a lot more, and there was moments that I wanted to do something
24:08
better, but I just couldn't move. And so I think the biggest thing for self
24:12
care I ended up doing was I
24:16
went on a hunch that I might have, like, ADHD
24:20
and ended up going for an assessment and found
24:24
out I do have it, which also was, like, life changing for me.
24:27
But now it's like I'm learning about my brain. That's the biggest thing I do
24:31
for self care is I I do a lot of really good,
24:34
like, affirmations and will like, in moments that I feel frozen and,
24:38
like, I'm gonna be stuck and can't be in a routine because it's really difficult
24:42
to get into one for me. I have a lot more grace and kindness and
24:45
compassion towards myself, and so I'm finding that my current,
24:48
like, self care is a good, like, cup of coffee, hanging out with my
24:52
cat, and, like, either, like, doing some one of my many hobbies
24:56
or, like, reading a good book is what I'm leaning towards. Or
25:00
if my brain is just, like, seriously, like, there's just so much going on up
25:04
there. I'll just go watch, like, a documentary or, like, a start
25:07
working through a documentary series and just kinda give my brain that
25:11
break. It feels like a key self care thing to do
25:15
is to learn a little bit more about yourself and
25:18
how you tick. And that's why we did series on differently wired and flavors
25:22
of the care. We did, like, an 8 episode series, and it's all about learning
25:25
what makes us tick. And it's important to learn those those things about ourselves so
25:29
that we know how to care for ourselves better, especially when you're caring for others
25:33
because you're not gonna be a good caregiver to Jaden if you're not caring
25:36
for yourself. So what are some of those early signs that you look for that
25:40
indicate you might be nearing burnout or or you might need to
25:44
do something for yourself for self care? So one of
25:48
my biggest early signs is, scrolling on Instagram
25:52
for 2 hours or more and not even realizing that time's passed.
25:56
And then another big indicator for me is when I'm falling back into old
26:00
thought patterns and letting it happen.
26:04
Like, almost like digging myself a hole of self pity is what I call
26:07
it. That's when I start noticing that, like, k, I'm starting to get burnt
26:10
out. I'm not okay. And another big indicator
26:14
is I stop having compassion
26:18
towards Jaden for certain things, or I'm like, I
26:21
just don't have the energy or the emotional capacity for this right now. Those
26:25
are my 2 biggest red flags. I'm like, k. I need to step back and
26:29
take a deep breath and lean on my support network. And I've really
26:33
learned to trust that I'm not the only one that gets to be a caregiver
26:36
to Jaden. I'm not the only one that gets to be in his life and
26:38
support him. And that at times, when I need to take a step back
26:42
and focus on myself, one, it's not selfish. I
26:46
know there's people that he can talk to when he needs to if I'm not
26:50
available to do that. And sometimes it looks like a spa day with
26:53
a good book in hand as well. Yes. Yeah.
26:57
There's lots and lots of reading. I think right now, like, I just
27:01
finished my degree and have realized that school was a big stressor
27:05
in my life and was really making it hard to do anything. And
27:09
so I'm kind of in a season now where I'm discovering
27:12
more of who I am and how I've been made and the things that I
27:16
do. And the coolest thing to see is Jaiden is at
27:19
this point of stability where I don't know. It's just it's such a sweet
27:23
spot. It is such a sweet pocket for us right now in our marriage and
27:26
just in that friendship and that being developed. And the
27:30
more I reflect on the last year and just where I am now and just
27:33
the support network I have, I just I know I'm just feeling super thankful, and
27:36
I think that's been the best thing on my mental health. It's just getting to
27:39
reflect to my community and just so thankful for the community we
27:43
are in and that there are so many people that went past that
27:47
awkwardness and did ask me about myself. And it almost feels like you're
27:51
just catching up with self care now after after being done school
27:54
and the and the year that you've had. So Definitely like playing some catch
27:58
up. I've definitely noticed a big difference in myself, which I really like. And I
28:02
feel like I have a lot more capacity for people and being a part of
28:05
my support network. And so And you guys made a few different life changes
28:09
as well. Like you said, you got a cat and you guys actually moved from
28:12
a dark apartment with cement walls to a nice
28:16
older structure with more sunlight, different part of
28:20
town. So a few changes like that. Wanna talk about a few of those
28:23
changes that you've made since the diagnosis that you feel, like, might have
28:27
helped your mental health as well as Jaden's? Yeah. So we were in a
28:31
very dark apartment before, and so we ended up moving
28:34
closer to our church community. So now we're, like,
28:38
really, like, plugging in. That is amazing. That's been so good for me. It's like,
28:42
it's a 7 minute drive instead of a half hour drive. So I feel like
28:45
I'm really starting to invest more in, like, friendships that I was wanting
28:49
to. And, also, where we used to live, getting to a
28:53
place to walk was really hard because we lived, like, right off
28:56
of, like, a highway. And that was, like, a huge barrier for me to go
28:59
for a walk or even go outside. And so now I just walk
29:03
outside our apartment, and I'm in a neighborhood with trees, and it's
29:07
quiet. And I love squirrels and stuff. So, like,
29:10
there's a lot of them here, and I get to just enjoy looking at them.
29:14
And one of my favorite coffee shops is, like, a 7 minute walk away. So
29:17
if I wanna just go journal there or do something fun, I can. So I
29:21
just I feel like yeah. Just that moving was so good for me
29:24
personally and feel so homey here with my plants
29:28
and just the colors that are around me. So And like you said, you
29:32
guys really didn't get much of a honeymoon phase. So does it feel like
29:36
you're kind of starting to step into that where you get to know each other,
29:40
beyond having a bipolar diagnosis and being in
29:43
school? Yeah. I really feel like we're stepping into that where we're just really
29:47
getting to know each other. And we just went on, like, a big, like, dream
29:51
vacation. Like, I got to go to Greece this summer, which is just so fun.
29:54
And we had so much fun on that trip. And so it just feels like
29:58
such a sweet pocket of getting to know one another, but really just also celebrate
30:02
how close we are now since the diagnosis. And now it's
30:05
like, that's not the center of our lives anymore. It's something
30:09
that we're aware of. It's something that it's managed and we'll continue to
30:13
need to manage, but we're both walking hand in hand on
30:17
this journey to understand ourselves more and how we tick and having that compassion
30:20
for one another. And sometimes that looks like weird
30:24
routines, And other times, it looks like
30:28
really deep conversations to get to know one another, and it's been really good.
30:32
And you also talked about how being closer to church was helpful.
30:36
What role does faith in your church community play in helping you maintain that mental
30:40
and emotional well-being and and your guys' marriage together, your relationship?
30:44
It's so central. Like, I have a couple friends
30:48
who just got married this summer, and so it's just really fun getting
30:51
to pour into those relationships. But I feel like faith has
30:55
always been so important to me. And just yesterday at church,
30:59
I was really reflecting on, like, that cry of desperation and, like, my,
31:03
like, 16, 17 year old heart of, like, just wanting to be healed and wanting
31:06
to not feel so broken and stuff. Being close to our church community has
31:10
really just accelerated that healing, and I
31:14
feel so accepted and welcomed there. And, like, people know who I am, and they
31:18
celebrate me for who I am. And they celebrate Jaden for who he is. No
31:21
one had a super negative response when he started talking about having bipolar
31:25
disorder, and so it's our normal. And we get to be
31:29
celebrated by those in our community and celebrate others. And I
31:33
think, for me, serving in the church more is accessible, and it's really
31:36
helping keep me accountable to reading my bible and praying and
31:40
just walking closely with the Lord. And I think for both of us,
31:44
that's been really good. Alright. We're coming to the end here. I
31:48
know we can keep talking, and you're coming over tonight to do laundry, so I'm
31:51
sure we'll talk some more. What message do you wanna leave with our listeners? Is
31:55
there something that you want to say that we didn't get to chat about? The
31:59
biggest thing I wanna say is suicidal
32:02
ideation is real. And
32:06
that even if it can be managed at home and
32:10
with your community, when you're feeling weak or you
32:13
don't know what would happen if you took somebody to a
32:17
crisis response center or they need more
32:21
help, like, at a psychiatric level, trust god that
32:24
he's gonna be your strength, but don't wait as long as I
32:28
did because it takes way too long to get a psychiatrist
32:32
in the community, and regular suicidal ideation
32:36
is not healthy. And sometimes the best thing you can do
32:39
for someone you're caring about is the hardest thing to say to them.
32:43
And I just really want to encourage people and remind
32:47
them that you aren't the only one caring. Like, God is in the midst of
32:51
it. He holds everything together. He's our strength. He's
32:54
our provider, and that it's gonna be okay. So don't
32:58
be afraid about sending somebody
33:02
to the hospital on something that is their mental health because you
33:06
never know what door it could open for them. That's great,
33:09
Danica. Just so much courage to share you guys story and I'm so grateful.
33:13
And you you're such a testament of strength and love for Jaden and what a
33:17
caregiving role looks like, especially being a young person
33:20
and and being a student. It's just so inspiring. So
33:24
I want our listeners to remember that self care is not a luxury. It's a
33:27
necessity. So thank you, Danica, for sharing your story with
33:31
us. Thanks for having me on.
33:35
Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with Care, where we inspire Journey With
33:38
Care, where we inspire curious Canadians on their path
33:42
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33:46
With Care is an initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity
33:49
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33:53
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34:19
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