Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / Battery Life of an Educator: Being Seen and Valued with Amy-Jo Smith

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Battery Life of an Educator: Being Seen and Valued with Amy-Jo Smith · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

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The children who need the most love are asking for it in often the most
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unloving ways and the behavior that is trying to push us away. What does loving
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your neighbor actually look like? This is Journey With Care. We're curious
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Canadians get inspired to love others well through real-life stories and
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honest conversations. Welcome to Journey With Care. I'm Johan. Today we don't have
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Wendy with us. She is actually in Scotland dropping her daughter off for
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school. So it's just me again. Wendy's intro got cut off last week if you haven't
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noticed. We didn't mention it but her internet got cut off. So it's just me
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again. We are in our series The Battery Left of a Caregiver and we're exploring
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the lives of those who dedicate themselves to caregiving roles. We'll
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uncover what it takes, their self-care strategies and how our communities can
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provide much needed support around them. So today we are joined by Amy Jo who was
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a previous guest on the season episode 11 leading differently together. She did
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the teachers episode really good. I'll throw that in the show notes and you should
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go listen to that if you haven't heard it. Amy Jo who has extensive experience in
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caregiving of some of her most vulnerable as an early childhood educator. I'll let
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her talk a little bit more about what she does but before we get to that remember
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that we have Journey With Prayer five-minute devotional series to start off
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your week that's on a separate podcast feed. Also to remind you we exist and
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continue to produce great content and interviews because of the generosity of
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our listeners, donors and sponsors to help produce the podcast and the work of
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care impact in the community. We value your support and we would love to connect
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with new sponsors and people that just want to donate to the podcast as well to
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help keep us going you can go to careimpact.ca/podcast if you want to get
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involved. All right Amy Jo you're part of the care impact team part of our
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trauma care training team. You're based in Ottawa with nearly two decades of
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diverse experience in various roles. From what I know about you you're passionate
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about creating inclusive and supportive environments. Did I miss anything there?
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Would you like to tell us a little bit of what you're doing right now? What you're
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giving your time and energies to? Well thank you Johan it is a privilege to be
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here again and you're right I've worked in a lot of diverse experiences and with
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alongside children and families and I'm very grateful for the ways they have
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shaped me and the work that I do now so I'm currently working as a resource
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consultant supporting children with special needs and really coming alongside
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educators building capacity for them to support the children in their care. So
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you've worn many hats I know you've done mission work as well you want to talk
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about some other areas we've done some of those caregiving roles. Yeah so I when
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I look back at my journey I have always I think had a leaning towards helping
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caregiving helper roles and when I look at I think I talked in the last time when
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we were talking about teaching and just the ways that were shaped throughout our
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lives and the ways that we are built into who we are by the people who impact us
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and even as I look at my own history of my grandma who was a teacher and impacted
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children and my dad who was a teacher I can see that a lot of the shaping of my
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life was natural giftings I think that were a leaning that I had towards
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teaching and caregiving and then all of the experiences along the way so I
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began with an interest in working with children I didn't know exactly how and
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then as I stepped into different spaces and studying early childhood
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education becoming a nanny for a family who had a little guy who ended up being
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diagnosed with autism as I stepped into different preschool classrooms and
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school classrooms I just noticed along the way there was a trend that I was drawn
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to the children with special needs and I really feel like they have been the
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reason I'm doing what I'm doing today almost like this role that I'm in now
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the different roles I'm in and trauma care training and resourcing have
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chosen me instead of me specifically choosing these roles. Can you elaborate
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on what continues to draw you to working with children and vulnerable
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children? Well you mentioned Johann that I had also done some international work
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and I was reflecting on what is the heart of the work that I've done with
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children both locally and internationally and there was a common thread as I
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traveled in from different places I had the privilege of helping with a school
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in the Dominican that some friends started to run in their garage because
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they saw the need for children in their in their neighborhood. I was also in
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Peru working with some children's homes one of them was a place where deaf
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children could come because they weren't able to access sign language in their
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local schools and whether it was in the Dominican and Peru in a hot little
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church in Mexico to hear locally working in classrooms and camps I saw a common
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thread that children are longing to be seen and connected with and they're
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longing for someone to look at them and delight in them no matter where they
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are on the globe. It's good. So your biography reads that you believe in the
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power of connected relationships for healing and thriving. Can you share an
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example from your work experience that illustrates this or a story? Well that
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word connection has been something that has become so important to me and the
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work that I do and even as I was just reflecting on some of the work
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internationally and the children and families that I got to walk alongside
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there were moments when I saw lack of resources as we know sometimes those can
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be a huge barrier to children getting the care and the learning and the growth
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that they need but I also saw so many moments when a caring adult bridge that
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gap to meet the needs of the child with their presence and with their time and
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with their energy. I saw like the caregivers at the school in Peru learning
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sign language translating for these children so they could connect with them.
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Locally I've seen educators and teachers working alongside children who we would
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say in the language of trauma, Karen Purvis who is someone that we have learned
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a lot from in our trauma care training. She talks about the children who need
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the most love are asking for it in often the most unloving ways and the
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behavior that is trying to push us away and even just recently I saw an
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educator team welcome a little girl into their room who was with all of her
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behavior asking to be sent away but they told her over and over again through
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their presence and through their connection and through making sure they
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were always available for a hug or to hold a hand when she was throwing things
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in the room because she was having a big meltdown instead of responding and
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reacting to the behavior rather they responded with care and I saw that little
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girl thrive in that environment. Love that quote that you share there those that
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need the most love are often asking for it in the most unloving ways. It's true I
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find that those caregivers that care the most often give the most of themselves
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in order to care for the one that they're caring for like learning sign
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language and maybe when the person you're caring for isn't even your
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responsibility continuing to open up your home and your heart making yourself
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available to be there for them. Like what would we do without those caregivers that
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go above and beyond. Now our series battery life of a caregiver so we're
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gonna talk about that a little bit but I can kind of working our way to that. You
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mentioned care and purpose and TBRI so how does how is that training informed
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your approach to care? So yeah TBRI for those who may not have heard of it
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before it's trust-based relational intervention so it's a intervention that
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came from Karen Purvis research as she spent time with children who were from
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hard places and who had experienced a lot of trauma and she saw these moments
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of connection and these moments of care really bringing healing to these
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children. So as I spent some time learning alongside Karen Purvis her team
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of teachers and educators and as I've grown alongside the care impact team as
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we learn and we train in trauma care training I've learned even more
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about looking at the behavior of children looking at the need behind their
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behavior and as I go out in the work that I do I look for those moments when
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there's there's something deeper you know we talk about the iceberg and we're
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so much of what we see on the surface is not really what's underneath and there's
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so much hidden often and I've also reflected that in the work that I've
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done over the years I wasn't aware of the toll that it was taking on me as I met
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the needs of those children and I absorbed a lot of what was going on
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underneath that iceberg. So taking the training to care for others you've
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recognized some things in your own life that you took from that training on how
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to care for yourself. Can you share some examples from TBRI or trauma-free world
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training that that has helped you learn how to care for yourself a little bit
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better as a caregiver? Well it's interesting when I look back and I
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realize how much I didn't understand about the nervous system and anyone who's
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listening who is in the field of caregiving in some capacity whether it's
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teaching early childhood education, social work, a parent you know we're
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connected to a lot of foster adoptive parents and the work that we do with
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care impact. We understand that when you are regulating and co-regulating which
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is a term that we use for that co-regulating that needs to happen for
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children when they are developing their ability to regulate on their own and we
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understand the toll that that takes on our own nervous system but I didn't
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understand that years ago looking back and so I held a lot of that stress and a
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lot of the emotional weight of the children and the things that they were
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going through in my body without knowing that that's what I was doing. So
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working in caregiving roles can be incredibly rewarding we know that but
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also demanding. Can you tell us about your support system because in the nature
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of the work that you're doing you're just always pouring out into people. I
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mean I'm sure there's some rewards in the work itself but what about your
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support system and how it helps you stay motivated and energized in the work
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that you do? I love this question Johan because I think it's so important to
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realize that for all of us as caregivers we need to know that we're not alone in
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the work that we do and when we look at resilience and the study of resilience
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one of the biggest factors both for children and for us as adults is a
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support system and what that looks like in making sure that we can as you said
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as we pour out that we're being filled back up again and our buckets are being
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refilled and refueled and I was thinking back through some of the ways that
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my community has supported me and I think one thing that is so so key is for us to
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be seen and I know recently you were talking to a social worker who is saying
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you know just that importance of people coming alongside and seeing the work that
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you do and how difficult it is and as I've had friends and family who when they
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ask how are you and how is your day there were times when I would come home
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from a busy day of teaching kindergarten and someone would ask how was your day
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and I just didn't know what to say because which part of the day the part
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where you know there was delight and joy on the face of this little child that
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just brought me joy or the part where this little guy because of his dysfunction
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at home and because of his trauma sobbed into my lap and yelled at me and said
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that I didn't care about him as we tried to hold you know keep him on track
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during the day so that the rest of the class would be held together and I look
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at those those moments of others really being willing to listen and willing to
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see me in the work that I did not just as the fun part of it but really listen
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to some of those those harder stories. You mentioned Rebecca the social worker
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that we had on for one of our previous interviews and how she mentioned how
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those recognizing the work that you do and how important it is how huge is it
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for the caregivers to keep them going to keep that battery life running for those
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being cared for to recognize the care that they're being given and to those
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that are watching you care for for the vulnerable for them to recognize your
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work like how much does that help your battery life and keep you going when you
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come home like are those things that you replay in your head over and over.
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Well I will say I have a jar on my dresser of special rocks and things that I've
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collected and I have a shell in there that one of a seashell that in one of my
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principles it was a very challenging class that I was dealing with and I
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remember going into the office one day to my mailbox and this is how much those
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little gestures mean because she had put a seashell in each of our mailboxes with
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a little note of how much she saw the work that we were doing with these
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individual children who were like precious seashells gathered on the beach and
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that this was a reminder to keep going and keep doing the work that we are doing
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and that had no monetary value and she probably doesn't even remember giving it
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to me but I took that and I saved it and just like the little things that
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children say we can be attuned to those moments as caregivers they don't have to
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be big big gestures grand gestures for me sometimes often it was just a little
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drawing that the kids would do a little piece of art missing me Joe this is you
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and there I am with my glasses and ponytails and I think oh that's how they see
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me and they see that I have a smile on my face and I know that I'm making a
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difference in their lives so it doesn't have to be a big grand gesture but it
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really does make a difference to be seen in in little ways in the work that we
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do. A smile can go a long way and I will say I also had a little girl walk in on
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superhero day and her dad had made a t-shirt with our faces on it and from a
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picture that we had had given just as a little a little gift and he had blown it
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up and we were so shocked to see our faces walk into the classroom on this
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day and it said my teachers are my superheroes and that was another moment
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that just I mean her little pigtails hanging off and that moment just gave us
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so much encouragement that the work that we're doing is seen by this father.
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That's amazing. Can you pinpoint a specific time where you felt cared for
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by someone in your community? Well beyond the listening there's practical help
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and I can very much remember one time when a friend she said I'm gonna make
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play-doh for your class and it may have seemed like a very small thing but I was
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so overwhelmed looking back I had children in the school I was teaching in
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downtown and there were children from refugee families and children from
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really challenging situations. I wasn't aware at the time of how much I was
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carrying but just something so practical of a resource that I wasn't going to be
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staying up late that night making play-doh for the class so a little practical
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things that my mom is so good at finding resources and things that she can she
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knew that I was resourcing my classroom a lot of teachers and educators spend
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their own money and their own time on bringing resources and so that was just
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a way that she showed love to me as well. That's beautiful so a little bit of
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play-doh can go a long way. You mentioned the importance of community
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support for caregivers. Can you offer some suggestions for like I know you're
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involved in the church as well in your church community around you? What about
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those that are in your church community? How can they offer more support? Well I
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remember Johan I was at a church in California when I was doing some work
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with a disability organization there and when I talk about being seen there was a
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moment that I felt so seen and it was actually Mother's Day and Mother's Day
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can be challenging for some people as we want to honor and recognize mothers but
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this particular Sunday they went up and prayed and in the prayer she said for
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those who love and lead and nurture and care and those words by the tears
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rolling down my face saw me in the work that I was doing and so I think that
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there's ways that in our communities and our churches we can see those who are
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serving in maybe ways that are not not visible often but we can see them in
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those moments and let them know we're supporting them and we're caring for
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them and appreciating what they do. It's so good recognizing people not only for
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the job that they do but for the role that they play and those gaps that they
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fill in people's lives. Let's talk a little bit about self-care so you mentioned
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one of those days where you're yelled at by a kid and you're feeling down so you
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you go through your long day at work and you come home through your door burnout
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is a real risk in the helping profession so what do you do to unwind when you
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walk through your door at home what's that feeling after one of those days and
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what do you do to to help adjust and recent to yourself? That's such a good
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question Johan and I feel like this is something that we have to keep coming
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back to I was actually talking to Alicia who you also hear on the podcast and she
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and I were talking about how even as we teach these things there's times where
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we feel like we're not practicing them for well in our own life and we were
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talking about how I think the real heart of the matter is paying attention and
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recalibrating when we can see that maybe we aren't giving ourselves the
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the refuel and the way that we need so for me some of those refueling things are
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to make sure that I'm moving my body. Yesterday I got home and I did not feel
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like getting on my bike but I instead of driving to the grocery store I got on
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my bike and I biked into the sunset and watched the sky turn color bike to the
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grocery store and just moving your body is so key in releasing some of that stress
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and some of the built-up stress of our nervous systems that we when we hold
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the tension and we hold the care of others and even just moving our body
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helps our brain to integrate the limbic system in our left and right brain to
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talk to each other and so there's science behind that. You don't have to know the
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science to know that it is just so important to move your body and for me
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another thing is is seeing beauty and I know that a lot of people who work in
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the area of trauma have talked about just the ways that our brain can take in
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so much of the challenge that we're dealing with and the pain of other
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people's stories and we need to recalibrate ourselves to beautiful things
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and so for me that is getting up in the morning and going for a walk or a run in
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the garden near my house this morning it was the sunflowers that were stretching
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up to the sky reading poetry making sure I'm a writer so I process a lot
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through writing and journaling and some of that I don't even know what's inside
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that needs to come out until I really make sure I carve out the time to sit down
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and write. I think some of the battle for some people might be that they don't
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necessarily recognize when they need to recalibrate or when things are becoming
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overwhelming so how have you learned to recognize that in your own life what are
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some of the red flags you might you might see when you realize while I'm
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feeling overwhelmed I'm having not a good day I need to be recentered. Yeah I
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think that is very key and again looking back I think there were times
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when I really got to the boiling point and you know we talk about compassion
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fatigue and burnout and those those things that can just build up until we
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get to the point where we just don't have tools left and resources left so I've
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tried to pay attention now like on the dashboard when you're looking for the
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signs that your tank is getting low and so for me some of that is just when I
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think we've talked a bit about processing emotion like how do we
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process some of these sad things that we are experiencing and I see those signs
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of overwhelm and just that inability to really work through my own emotions then
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I know I need to make time and space for like journaling and writing and just
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letting out some of what is building up inside. It's part of that building some
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of those things like journaling into your routine so you don't have to wait for
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those challenging days to come like is that something that you've learned that
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you need to do to build into your your daily routine to stay regulated? That is
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absolutely absolutely true and I think one thing that's really helpful for me
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when you ask about how do I how do we recalibrate is having other people in my
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life and in my community who know me well and help me to see some of those signs.
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Just recently when I wasn't well and I was trying to do some some things that I
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felt like needed to be done for work and a friend said but does it really need to
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be done and just having those people in your life who can help get you back on
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track when they see that you're overwhelming yourself or you're needing
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to build those spaces in for more care. Okay let's talk a little bit about that
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balance then because it's not like you go to work in and it's always difficult
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because you do love caring for the children that's why you do it because
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you're passionate about it it's something on your heart it's not something you come
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home saying oh I had to I have to do it again tomorrow but striking a balance
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between self-care and fully engaging with children can be challenging. Do you
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have any creative ways as you incorporate self-care activities while
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working with children because there's children outside of your workplace too
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right that you want to engage with? Yeah I love that question because it comes to
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mind just this morning I was walking with some children down a forest trail and
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they were having so much fun collecting acorns and tucking them in their pockets
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and finding them and giving them to me and I think there are times when the
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outdoors is so powerful and when we're spending time with children we can also
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combine that with another experience of movement or beauty this summer I had the
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privilege of walking on the beach with my niece and nephew and just the
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experience for them of the sensory experience of the waves and the water and
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the rocks and the sand and I think that for me nature is a really powerful way
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to help regulate both myself and the children that I'm with. That's great
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side note I also got to spend time with your niece and nephew walking on the
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beach this summer so that's kind of fun. Your brother Tim took us on a fun
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excursion there in Nova Scotia. Anyway moving along on this podcast
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specifically you're getting called upon because your professional roles and
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your gifts working with children as a teacher but how do you maintain your own
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personal identity outside your profession and the things that you're good at as a
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caregiver and educator? Well I appreciate that question and something that I've
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been reflecting on recently is the need for me to make sure that I have fun in
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my life because that is something also that is very off it's a buffer to some
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of these hard things and the challenges that we deal with as caregivers and I
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reflected on how for children play is so so just a part of who they are and they
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just go into that flow so easily and because part of my my professional role
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has been to learn about play I've reflected on how I need more of that in
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my life and so this weekend a friend just messaged and said I've booked a
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campsite and I said yes I want to come and so some of those things that I'm just
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making sure that I'm looking at my weekends and making sure that they're not
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all booked with training and caregiving but there are also other things in my
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life that are filling my bucket and I will say that a gift in my life has been
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friends who both appreciate me as a caregiver for their children at times
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but appreciate me as a friend and I know that to them I am a friend and not just
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a caregiver for their children even though I love their children dearly. Let's
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talk about secondary trauma a little bit it can be a real concern for caregivers
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first of all what is secondary trauma and second of all how do you ensure your
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maintaining healthy boundaries to avoid this secondary trauma? Well this when we
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work alongside people who are going through different challenges we often
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start to experience the pain of their challenges for example some of the
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children that I've worked with either they've come from countries that have
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had a lot of unrest and they come as refugees or there's a home situation
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that's very dysfunctional I've worked with children who are palliative or have
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lost a parent and some of these situations are very traumatic and it's
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easy for us to experience that traumatic situation through caring for this child
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and their family and one thing that we talk about in the trauma course is the
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importance of debriefing the importance of talking through a situation eat
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whether it's a child or an adult it we call it name it to tame it I think Dan
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Siegel coined that phrase where we name it to tame it and talking through it
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takes away some of the the overwhelm of that trauma and so when you work with a
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good team I think a lot of people who have worked in a hard difficult challenging
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job will say you can do a hard thing if you have a good team and for us in the
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in the work that we do that means having people that are supportive that you know
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you can debrief with on a Friday afternoon if you just email and say I
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need to talk through something that happened so having a supportive team and
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again all these things that we talked about making sure that we're buffering
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the rest of our lives with the things that do reorient us to goodness and to
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beauty and to life and moving our bodies and eating well and getting sleep and
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all of those things that will help keep us able to lean towards goodness in the
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world now I know your person of faith how does your faith help keep you
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centered in your daily routines what role does faith play in your self care
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well I think one thing that I've learned the real value of is solitude and quiet
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and in a world that can be very loud and a job that can be very loud when you're
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with people and people that have a lot of needs just that need to be quiet and
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for me sometimes that means walking outside in the beauty of nature and God's
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creation it means often in the morning just taking that time to breathe and to
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read and journal to listen to music on my way to work I love the one of the
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albums from the sanctuary course sanctuary songs that has some beautiful
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songs to center and ground and just sometimes a breath prayer breathing God's
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peace over the day if there's not time for much else but just knowing that I
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don't go into that work alone now you probably don't work with too many
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believers in your current workplace but like doing trauma care work with care
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impact how important is it for you to have people of faith around you to debrief
29:15
and have those conversations with well it has been a gift having the care impact
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team you know we're connected across from Winnipeg to Nova Scotia and just when we
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get on the screen in those squares of our meetings we know that each one in
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that frame understands some of the toll of the work that we do and there's
29:38
support and there is an understanding of the need to be with each other in that
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space and to pray for each other and to walk with each other in the work that we
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do yeah and I find I find it a little bit harder on the screen but we do have
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those opportunities where we can connect in person those are always really good
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I know just having those connecting points I think with with believers that
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you work with so important to just debrief some of those frustrations and
30:08
talking about frustrations we haven't really talked about some of those things
30:13
in the work that you do in caregiving that are frustrating for you some of
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those pain points so that we know what actually brings up that stress and and
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maybe some people aren't recognizing some of those pain points in their own
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life well I think anyone who works in the field of either education or social
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services somewhere health care we know that feeling of trying to stop a flood
30:38
with a bean bag there's times where it feels like our resources are so small
30:44
and so stretched and our capacity is so maxed out that I think sometimes it is
30:50
hard to pinpoint sometimes what exactly is going on inside and I think for me
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personally I tend to go more to overwhelm and to sadness and not even fully
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understand what might be underneath some of that is frustration at some of
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these challenges that we come across in the systems that are broken and the gaps
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that we find children are falling through and so I think it's it's helpful to
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acknowledge that some of those things are really challenging and difficult and
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and then come back to some of these practices when we do feel that
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frustration coming of making sure that we are filling our own buckets and also
31:30
coming back to what is our role and what is ours to carry it's taken me years to
31:35
really process and learn this but we know that we are not the ones that can
31:39
fix everything and solve all the problems and how do we focus on what God has
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given us to do in the work that we do and yeah and show up fully for that seems
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very common in the area of caregiving that there's systematic frustrations and
31:55
while we know those continue to exist you just keep saying yes to it over and
31:59
over again so there's obviously some value there's there's something rewarding
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about doing this there's those things that you can look back on and say it was
32:08
worth it can you think of a time maybe a situation or something you can just
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look back and and say you know what all the hard work all those tough times it
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was worth it because of that well there's a lot of those moments and one of them
32:24
that really stands out that little guy mentioned earlier who was sobbing in my
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lap often and you know yelling at me that I didn't care about him when I at the
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end of the year we all gathered because I was leaving and I was leaving the
32:39
school to go on to something else and all the children wrote me a book and they
32:45
said cute things you know as kindergarten kids do but his I kept close to my heart
32:50
and I still have that quote because he wrote Miss Amy Jo helps me when I have
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trouble with stuff and that just hit my heart because I knew that even through
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all those moments where he said you don't care about me something got through
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and all that care we made sure there were times where we reorganized our
33:09
breaks so that we would be with him and so that he wouldn't be alone and made
33:13
sure that we always had a place right beside us where he could feel that
33:16
physical closeness because he had experienced neglect and when he said
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she helps me when I have trouble with stuff I knew that that love and that care
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had gotten through and my sister-in-law Galena who's also part of our trauma care
33:30
team she often reminds me that when children know that you care they don't
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care how much you know sometimes till they know how much you care and that it
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really really matters in the work that we do even if we feel like we're not
33:42
meeting all the goals that we want to meet in education if those children walk
33:46
away knowing they were loved and cared for then it was totally worth it now I
33:51
want to give you a chance to just share a little bit so reflecting on these
33:54
experiences what are some of the most valuable insights that you have to create
33:59
that caring environment where the caregivers feel cared for even if it's
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self-care like what's your best advice for those that might be in similar roles
34:08
that you are in yeah I think one thing that we talked about earlier was really
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listening and asking how people are doing and then listening to what would be
34:18
supportive to them and it could be something small like bringing a meal
34:23
when they've had a long day and you know I have friends who to be able to eat
34:30
around the table I have a friend who she'll often invite me for dinner with her
34:33
kids and to be able to sit around the table with children that I'm not
34:36
responsible for caring for but just enjoying a family dinner inviting someone
34:42
into your home or making sure there's time for a phone call you know I have
34:47
had friends that I can text and say I'm having a hard day and know that they're
34:51
gonna be present so just making sure that we're looking for ways that we can
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connect and support even if someone's not asking for it also asking ways that
35:02
we can support okay we're coming to the end of our interview thanks so much Amy
35:07
Jill for all your insights and thank you for being a caregiver to some of our
35:12
most vulnerable because our children need caregivers like you well I appreciate
35:18
it Johan and I will say that I get to work with caregivers every day and I have
35:23
witnessed so many in my life who are caring and caring well thank you for
35:28
joining another conversation on Journey with Care where we inspire curious
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