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I Was Right About The Bachelorette | LIVE · The Lila Rose Show

0:00
What are men and women really looking for in marriage?
0:03
There is new pulling out that actually is surprising about
0:06
what men and women really want in marriage in American culture.
0:10
Also, the Oscars just happened and I was pleasantly surprised.
0:14
It sounds like moms are cool again at the Oscars, which is
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what we need to see more of in entertainment.
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And working moms, which are focused, who are focused first
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on their kids, is the kind of working mom that we want to see.
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And we saw that celebrated back on Sunday.
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Welcome back to the Lila Rose show.
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All right, everybody, happy Wednesday.
0:41
We're doing our Wednesday live. I promised you all that we're
0:44
going to be doing these every Wednesday unless there's some
0:47
sort of calamity or emergency or other important event that we're
0:50
going to have to delay or move it around.
0:52
And so this is our weekly live. You'll come and find us midday,
0:56
a little round 1:00. I guess we're starting earlier
0:58
than 1:00 today for our roundup live.
1:01
And I'm actually excited about the good news on this live.
1:05
I think there's also a interesting trend happening that
1:09
affects, yes, married couples and certainly effects all of my
1:13
dear single friends here at the show, where marriage and what
1:18
people want in marriage has changed dramatically over the
1:22
last few decades. We're going to explore that and
1:24
get into that. But first, let's start with some
1:26
really good and beautiful news, which was a video that went
1:30
viral over the last couple days. We put it up on our social
1:34
media. It's gotten, I think, millions
1:36
of views of a unexpected award speech and award acceptance
1:42
speech at the Oscars. Now, in Full disclosure, I'm not
1:46
one of those people that loves to watch award shows.
1:49
I definitely don't judge anyone who likes and enjoys it.
1:51
I think they can be interesting. I'll watch clips and but I'm
1:54
always curious whenever there's an award show, first of all,
1:58
what films or music or whatever it is gets picked and what wins
2:01
because that's always interesting.
2:02
Sometimes it's political. Sometimes I think the winds are
2:05
legitimate. And then also how the creators,
2:08
the artists, the musicians celebrate their wins or
2:12
sometimes even deal with their losses.
2:14
And in this case, there was a standout moment on Sunday at the
2:19
Oscars when a 36 year old mom named Jessie Buckley, wife and
2:25
mom named Jessie Buckley, won best actress.
2:28
And her award speech was deeply moving for a lot of people
2:33
because she pointed and celebrated at.
2:36
She pointed at and celebrated the most important thing,
2:38
something that was far more important even than her Oscar.
2:41
Now, some quick context here. And if we can pull up a picture
2:44
of Jesse and we're going to watch her, her acceptance to
2:47
meet here in a moment. Jesse Buckley here is the actor
2:51
who won best actress for Hamnet the movie.
2:54
Hamnet is a drama about the death of William Shakespeare's
2:58
11 year old son and the fractures in his marriage that
3:03
came out of the grief that he and his wife endured over the
3:06
death of their 11 year old son. How after the death of his son,
3:09
it inspired a young William Shakespeare to then go and pen
3:13
the great Hamlet that is now one of the greatest pieces of
3:17
literature of all time, including many of these
3:19
speeches, the beautiful speeches in Hamlet that wrestle with
3:22
personal sorrow and grief. There is this theme in the in
3:27
the movie Hamlet where there's a separation or the estrangement
3:30
between the husband and the wife over the grief of their son.
3:33
And then after Hamlet is written and being performed at at a
3:36
theater, Shakespeare and his wife come back together again
3:39
and basically find each other again despite their loss.
3:42
So it's actually a really beautiful story in that sense.
3:45
But what I found most beautiful, of course, was this acceptance
3:48
speech by Jessie Buckley, who herself is a mother and a wife.
3:52
And let's take a listen to what she said.
3:55
You Fred. I love you man.
3:59
I love you. You're the most incredible dad.
4:01
You're my best friend and I want to have 20,000 more babies with
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you. I do, I do and Isla, my little
4:09
girl who is 8 months, who has absolutely no idea what's going
4:12
on and is probably dreaming of milk.
4:14
But this is kind of a big deal. And I love you and I love being
4:19
your mom. And I can't wait to discover
4:20
life beside you, Chloe and Maggie, you to get to know this
4:30
incandescent woman and journey to understand the capacity of a
4:36
mother's love is the greatest collision of my life.
4:41
It's it's Mother's Day in the UK today, so I would like to
4:51
dedicate this to the beautiful chaos of a mother's heart.
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All right, so I love this. I would like to dedicate this to
5:02
the beautiful chaos of a mother's heart.
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And she's honoring and celebrating her husband.
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She, Jessie Buckley, after winning this Oscar award for her
5:11
performance in Hamnet, is celebrating her husband,
5:14
Freddie. They've been married, I think
5:16
three years now. And then she shouts out her tiny
5:19
little daughter. She has basically a newborn.
5:22
She's, I think 7 or 8 months. And then she's talking about how
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she wants to have many more kids.
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And she celebrates mothers. And she references how her role
5:29
was really about a mother's love because that's what she played
5:31
in in the movie Ham, that she's this mother that's just
5:34
desperate with grief over the loss of her 11 year old son.
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So I thought this was like wholesome on steroids.
5:40
This was beautiful on steroids. I think the, you know, people
5:44
watching loved it. It was the highlight of the
5:45
Oscars. I think their rest of the Oscars
5:48
was pretty bland and got pretty political at points.
5:51
But this was a moment of transcendence where the things
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that should be celebrated were celebrated, which when you're
5:58
coming to, you're a moment of professional success, You can
6:02
give thanks to God and then you can celebrate the people that
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are most important and, and more important than any professional
6:08
success. In this case, of course, it's
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her husband and her baby. So love this, love it.
6:13
And I, I really see this as kind of a culture shift in Hollywood
6:20
because I remember it was very recently, last few years, the
6:25
Oscars where the actors are wearing the Planned Parenthood
6:29
abortion pin to the Oscars. I remember Michelle Williams,
6:36
another actor, receiving her Golden Globe Award and publicly
6:42
praising the abortion of her child as the reason for her
6:48
success in her career. Let's take a listen to this
6:51
award speech as a contrast to Jessie's full for the
6:54
acknowledgement of the choices I've made.
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And I'm also grateful to have lived at a moment in our society
6:59
where choice exists because as women and as girls, things can
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happen to our bodies that are not our choice.
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I've tried my very best to live a life of my own making, and not
7:13
just a series of events that happened to me, but one that I
7:17
could stand back and look at and recognize my handwriting all
7:20
over. Sometimes messy and scrawling,
7:22
sometimes careful and precise, but one that I had carved with
7:26
my own hand. And I wouldn't have been able to
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do this without employing a woman's right to choose.
7:37
So it's very bald what Michelle Williams is saying here.
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And she's saying you might have already seen this acceptance
7:44
speech. This this was one that also went
7:47
viral for different reasons, very different reasons.
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And she's saying that she wouldn't have been successful if
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she hadn't had an abortion, she hadn't killed taken the life of
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her child, basically. And that she, you know,
7:58
basically it's it's all about her career.
8:00
There's nothing about relationships here.
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It's all about her career. It's all about her success.
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It's all about herself actualization as she experiences
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it and her baby isn't there as an older child now being able to
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celebrate mom or to be celebrated by mom.
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Her baby's dead. And so it's extremely dark.
8:19
It it's so dark, it's heartbreaking.
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My heart goes out to Michelle Williams.
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We should pray for her. By the way, anytime you see
8:25
somebody in media or in life who is publicly advocating for evil
8:31
and and really celebrating an evil that they did or an evil
8:34
that somebody else has done, they need our prayer for first
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of all, because there's a profound moral blindness that's
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also accompanied likely by a trauma or a deep seated fear.
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And I think in Michelle Williams case, you know, she has any
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guilt, guilt about the abortion that she had.
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It's probably tied up in self justification and a fear that
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she doesn't want to face. And so now she's publicly, you
8:57
know, celebrating the taking, innocent taking of the innocent
9:00
life of her child. Very dark stuff, but just look
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at the contrast. Golden Globes 2020 clapping and
9:07
cheering for really the public celebration of the execution of
9:12
her baby. Abortion is the execution of a
9:15
life. It that's what it is,
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objectively speaking, it's designed to end a life.
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And she's saying that I had to end this life to be successful,
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which, by the way, is a lie from the pit of hell.
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It's a lie from the pit of hell to say I have to kill my child
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to do anything. X, right.
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Any X, any fill in the blank. I need this abortion for fill in
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the blank. That is a lie from Satan trying
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to trick women and men who are supporting abortions into
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thinking that they need to kill in order to what live, you know,
9:41
blank, right? And unfortunately, this is the
9:44
lie that so many women are gripped by today.
9:47
It's why we have so many abortions.
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The number one cause of abortion today, in my view, is not
9:53
finances. It's not even relationships,
9:57
although finances and relationships can play a role.
9:59
It is fear because you can be struggling in a third world
10:03
country and still choose life for your baby and still make it.
10:07
You can be a single mom who just was the victim of rape and still
10:12
choose life and still make it. You can endure the worst
10:16
circumstances and still choose life and still make it.
10:18
At the end of the day, it's about the question of do I
10:21
believe I can make it? Do I believe God's going to show
10:23
up for me? Do I believe there are people
10:25
who can help me? And fear is what prevents us
10:28
from believing any of those things.
10:30
Fear tells us we're in it alone. We're doing it alone.
10:32
We're going to be destroyed. We're not going to be able to
10:35
live. And so when we are in a state of
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fear, we choose evil things like abortion.
10:40
And so Michelle Williams, she is animated by fear, and she chose
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fear and she chose abortion. And now she's basically
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spreading that fear at the Golden Globes in 2020.
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She's saying, you know, we need this as women.
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You know, we need to kill to succeed.
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And that's such a, it's such a gorgeous contrast from Jesse
10:58
Buckley to say that, you know, I want 20,000 babies.
11:01
I love babies. And that I actually so
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appreciate that my art playing this role in the movie Hamnet of
11:08
Shakespeare's, of Shakespeare's wife and the mother of this boy,
11:12
it taught me a deeper love or it showed me the depth of a
11:16
mother's love that I now get to live out in my real life.
11:19
And that's the right order, right?
11:20
Art should inspire us to live life better.
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We shouldn't, you know, take life or live life immorally in
11:29
order to produce our art or in order to chase a career.
11:32
And, you know, in the in the Michelle Williams case.
11:34
So I I think, yeah, culture is shifting.
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When you see a a speech like this, it's a shift.
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It's a marked moment. Now there's other moments that
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are pull us back, you know, backtrack.
11:45
You have, you know, an Oscar speech that celebrates just, you
11:48
know, raw careerism and materialism.
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You know, that kind of pulls it back.
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The other pendulum swing towards, you know, a culture of
11:55
materialism and and ultimately death.
11:58
And then you have this moment like Jesse William or Jesse
12:00
Buckley doing this beautiful speech and it pulls us, you
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know, the, the, the direction of life.
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Our culture is in flux, guys. You know this, we talk about
12:08
this all the time in the show. Our culture is up for grabs.
12:13
It's up for grabs. It's who we are, who we choose
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to be and how we show up. Do we serve God?
12:18
Do we love other people? And it's also the kind of art
12:21
we're creating, the businesses we're building, the families
12:23
that we're forming. And it's how we're what we
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choose to celebrate. And in Michelle Williams case,
12:28
she chose to literally celebrate a golden idol, her physical
12:33
Golden Globe as a this golden calf that was more important
12:37
than the life of her baby that was aborted versus Jesse
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Buckley, who, yes, is, is welcoming this professional
12:45
milestone of success, but she's celebrating choosing it and, and
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to celebrate her husband and her child.
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There was a great a lot of commentary about this.
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I'm going to be putting out a sub stack on this.
12:58
By the way, guys, check out my sub stack.
12:59
I'll talk about it more in a moment.
13:01
But one sub stack writer that I so this is this is my sub stack.
13:05
You guys can check it out. We're going to link it in the
13:07
description. We just started it a few months
13:09
ago. And so I put up pieces here
13:11
occasionally. My last speech, my last speech
13:16
or piece, excuse me, over at sub stack was about kids.
13:19
Is 9 kids too many? And I wrote the world needs
13:22
needs more life not less. We're talking about Hannah
13:26
Neilman announcing the birth of her ninth child.
13:30
I also really loved how Jesse Buckley is literally saying I
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want 20,000 kids like that should be a normal thing to
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desire. I want more kids, not like O2
13:40
and done one and done. So this is my sub stack.
13:43
Check it out. But there's another sub stack
13:45
writer that I want to just read a quick quote from her.
13:47
She did a great job. Claire Swinarski.
13:49
I think we've invited her on the show.
13:51
I want to make sure that we landed that invite.
13:52
By the way, shout out to Katie on the team to make sure we get
13:56
Claire an invite and see if she can join the show.
13:59
But she's a great writer and thinker.
14:00
She has a great sub stack and she had some lovely just
14:04
commentary on Jessie's speech. I'm going to pull up this quote
14:08
from Claire. She says Jessie Buckley did not
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get on that stage and wistfully talk about how she missed how
14:15
much she missed of her daughter's first months, or
14:17
apologize profusely for utilizing childcare or bashfully
14:21
comment on her procreation. She was triumphant and she was
14:24
in awe. And what Claire is talking about
14:27
here is she was celebrating how your creative work, your
14:32
professional work, should actually bolster your motherhood
14:35
as opposed to it's at war with your motherhood and should
14:38
detract from your motherhood. And at the show, we talk a lot
14:41
about how important it is to put the kids first, you know, God
14:45
first, marriage next, kids next, and then career, mission,
14:49
profession, right? And that doesn't mean you never
14:52
have childcare. Of course.
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You know, I have childcare right now.
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That's why I'm able to do this podcast.
14:57
But it does mean that you're prioritizing things in the
15:00
child's best interest ultimately and, and in service of God and
15:03
that you're not like chasing after a career and then at the
15:07
expense of the child, right? And these are all very
15:10
prudential decisions that individuals and their, you know,
15:13
their their husbands, you know, wives and husbands need to make
15:16
together. I think with a prayer life, with
15:19
a good, a good spiritual guide. But I think what Jesse Buckley
15:22
objectively helped us witness here, you know, apart from not
15:26
knowing the details of her personal life, if she has a
15:28
prayer life spiritual direction, I don't know any of that, right?
15:30
I'm not going to pretend to know that.
15:31
I don't know that. But what she chose to emphasize
15:36
was that she was excited most of all about being a mother and
15:41
that her creative work gave her a deeper appreciation for the
15:46
child that was the love of her life.
15:48
And I think that is the right centering, that's the right
15:51
focus. So shout out to Claire.
15:54
Great piece on Substack. I do have to say one thing
15:59
though, guys, because I've said a lot of positive things about
16:02
Hamnet, this movie and about Jesse Buckley.
16:07
It's rated PG13, which again, you there can be great movies
16:10
that are rated PG13. But it did have now a suggestive
16:16
sex scene in it. And I wanted to just call this
16:18
out because people are probably listening like, wow, Lila really
16:20
loves this movie. I, I thought, you know, from
16:23
what I know that there's a lot in the movie that's great, but
16:27
apparently there is this married couple sex scene, which it could
16:30
be worse if it's not a married couple, but it was a very highly
16:33
suggestive scene and I got to pull up this graphic because I
16:38
will die. I will die on this hill.
16:42
Useless sex scenes, sex scenes in general do not belong in
16:47
movies. You can communicate that a
16:51
couple was intimate without showing it at all or suggesting
16:55
it in any sort of racy or raunchy way.
16:57
You can celebrate romantic love and create, you know, romantic
17:01
tension on screen and just gorgeous romantic interactions
17:05
without a sex scene. You can I've seen it done.
17:08
Anybody seen pride and Prejudice either version?
17:11
By the way, there's no sex scenes and it's amazing, right?
17:16
I don't know, my shout out to my pride and prejudice girlies and,
17:18
and guys, there's some guys out there I know too that appreciate
17:20
pride and prejudice and I thank you for your service.
17:23
My, my, my male friends out there.
17:27
But you can do romance gorgeously in a film without a
17:31
sex scene. And sex scenes, I believe are
17:33
useless and I think they're immoral and they don't belong in
17:37
film. So I'll just put that out there.
17:38
And this goes for Hamnet and any other Hollywood movie.
17:41
And by the way, there's more films these days, I think that
17:43
you can find that don't have gratuitous sex scenes.
17:46
And all the more power to those creators.
17:48
Let's see more of that. OK, Next up, Speaking of
17:54
entertainment media and the pros and the cons, I need to talk to
17:58
you guys about a new announcement that was made about
18:02
The Bachelorette franchise. I really care about this because
18:06
I care about dating, as you guys know, I care about healthy
18:08
marriages. I care about people meeting each
18:10
other. We love Sacred Spark on this
18:12
show. I'm an advisor for them.
18:14
This is a new dating app that we love.
18:16
I'll be sure to link them to. I'm just thinking of this, but
18:17
I'll make sure to put them in the description.
18:19
By the way, Sacred Spark just just had their first couple
18:23
getting aged from this app. It's a new dating app that
18:27
really promotes authentic connection.
18:29
Anyways, dating is so important. People need to find each other
18:32
and they need to find love. And that's why people are always
18:35
so fascinated by the The Bachelorette and The Bachelor
18:39
franchises because we all know somebody who's looking for love
18:43
and we know love matters a lot. So before we dive in though on
18:47
the latest news there a huge thank you to the amazing
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disclosure, I have watched in the past the Bachelor and The
20:39
Bachelorette more before I got married.
20:42
And I would watch with like girlfriends occasionally or, you
20:45
know, I'd want to be interested in what was happening in a given
20:48
season of it. And certainly there were parts
20:51
that I felt were just raunchy and unacceptable.
20:53
So I wouldn't want to watch those parts.
20:55
But I thought that the idea, the concept of, you know, having a
20:59
bachelor or a Bachelorette and people courting them and the
21:02
sort of, kind of like a competition to determine who was
21:06
the most eligible and what was the best compatibility.
21:09
I think there is some beauty there, which is why I think
21:12
people have been so fascinated by this franchise.
21:14
It's a huge franchise. It's worth, I think, hundreds of
21:16
millions of dollars. It usually does really well.
21:19
OK, Now The Bachelorette just announced their new
21:22
Bachelorette. And it's this lovely lady named
21:27
Taylor Frankie Paul with a pretty interesting past.
21:31
And I wanted to note this because I think this is an
21:34
example of Hollywood or into entertainment media going
21:38
totally the wrong direction. And I also don't want to give
21:41
this so much attention where now more people want to go watch The
21:44
Bachelorette because I don't think this season is worth a
21:47
moment of your time in terms of watching it.
21:49
But I think it's good to be aware that this is what is now
21:52
being presented as mainstream. So Taylor Frankie Paul was a or
21:58
is a famous TikTok. She was a young warm Mormon wife
22:03
and mother sharing her life on social media.
22:05
She became really popular or famous after she came out with
22:10
this video and videos like it talking about something called
22:13
soft swinging. So let's pull up this video of
22:17
the new Bachelorette. It's soft swinging.
22:22
Explain that. So swinging is where you full on
22:25
Switch partners like swingers, right?
22:27
And so for us, we like open up our relationship.
22:29
We're like playing games, being intimate all in front of each
22:31
other. So we weren't like full on
22:33
switching per SE. You know, we're Yeah.
22:36
So that's why they called it soft swimming, which I didn't
22:38
come up with that term by the way, that was, I was told that
22:41
side relationship. OK, so this is like the least of
22:46
it. She has multiple kids.
22:47
She divorced her husband. Apparently, there's an
22:50
outstanding criminal record potentially.
22:54
She was previously arrested and charged with criminal assault
22:56
with assault, criminal mischief and domestic violence in the
22:59
presence of a child. It's unclear the status of that
23:02
case, according to the Salt Lake County sheriff's records.
23:05
So we're dealing with somebody who is a divorcee.
23:08
She's got multiple young children, and she's publicly
23:12
talking about how she opened her marriage.
23:15
Ultimately, they willfully and knowingly cheated on each other,
23:19
you know, with each other's consent.
23:21
But that's still cheating. By the way, you can cheat on
23:23
someone and have their consent. It's still cheating.
23:26
It's still breaking the identity of marriage and the marriage vow
23:30
to be exclusive and to be permanent.
23:32
And she's just publicly talking about this like it's just normal
23:36
on the View in this clip that we just watched, which is on
23:38
TikTok. And this is the new
23:40
Bachelorette. This is the new Bachelorette.
23:43
Now in my lifetime, I'm not that old.
23:45
I've seen, you know, different bachelorettes come and go.
23:47
I think the franchise is over 2 decades old.
23:50
This has never happened before in the history of The
23:52
Bachelorette. To have a woman that has
23:54
multiple young children who by the way, need her.
23:56
It's, you know, when you film The Bachelorette, you have to go
23:58
to an external location for multiple weeks, I believe.
24:01
And you can't have access to the the rest of the world.
24:06
Like you can't go like home to dinner with your child.
24:08
She's leaving her children, her very young children who need
24:11
her. You know, she's going off to
24:13
date other men that are not their father because they're
24:16
separated. And she's publicly out there
24:18
talking about how she's OK with open marriage and how she, you
24:23
know, is her and her husband open their marriage.
24:25
And then she has this potential charge on her record of assault,
24:31
criminal mischief and domestic violence in the presence of a
24:33
child. How did we get here, guys?
24:36
How did we get here? I mean, it's kind of wild to
24:38
think about. It's so bald and in your face.
24:41
Honestly, it's demonic how our culture has not just suffered
24:46
with sexual perversions and selfishness, but how we are now
24:52
glorifying it and normalizing it.
24:54
It's one thing to have sexual perversion and brokenness in a
24:58
culture that is the state of humankind because we were broken
25:01
and because we are prone to sin because of this.
25:04
This the the the wound of original sin.
25:08
But it's another thing for a culture to openly normalize,
25:11
normalize, and to celebrate sexual brokenness and
25:17
perversion. And it is sexual perversion to
25:20
open your marriage. It is.
25:22
It's disordered. It goes against and violates the
25:26
very heart of marriage. And it not only hurts you and
25:30
your spouse, it is destructive for any children that may be
25:34
part of your union. And to elevate this woman that
25:39
we should have a heart for, we should pray for her.
25:41
Taylor, Frankie Paul, who God created for more like God
25:45
created Taylor for more than how she's living and more than how
25:48
she's presenting herself. God created her for love, to
25:50
love and be loved, to live a life of virtue.
25:53
But for us to be elevating her as this Bachelorette role model
25:58
that all these 20 plus men are going to now try to court,
26:01
leaving her poor kids at home with this public record that she
26:05
has of promoting soft swinging and an open marriage is total
26:10
debauchery. It's just crazy.
26:13
It's crazy talk guys. And first of all, I don't think
26:16
any Christian should watch this series.
26:17
You shouldn't give it a dime of your advertising money or
26:20
attention by watching it, and I think it's worthwhile to draw
26:25
that line in the sand. I think with entertainment
26:26
media, if it's so broken, don't watch it.
26:29
There's plenty of good entertainment media out there to
26:31
patronize. This is not it.
26:33
And I think it just tells us we have to up our game in advancing
26:38
the truth about marriage by living it joyfully.
26:41
Those of us who are blessed to be married, those of us who are
26:42
in the dating pool and by being willing to talk about how good
26:46
it is and inviting people in to our larger family units.
26:50
You know, having them over for dinner, being solicitous of the
26:53
new mom at the park, you know, whoever that might be, being
26:57
friendly, being loving. Because we are in a war of
27:00
cultures again, culture of death versus culture of life, culture
27:04
of death, which says marriage is meaningless.
27:05
You can have an open marriage. You can be a soft swinger, you
27:08
can divorce, blah, blah, blah. You know, your children are
27:12
really whatever you want to do with them.
27:14
You can abort them, you can abandoned them, whatever.
27:16
They don't need to have a father, they don't need to have
27:17
a mother, whatever it is. And then the culture of life,
27:20
which says no human beings were made in the image of God.
27:24
Marriage is between one man and one woman.
27:25
It's for life. It's meant to be full of
27:27
openness to life and love and commitment.
27:30
Children matter. We should put their needs first.
27:32
Everything that the beautiful culture of life says about the
27:35
human person and the identity of the human person.
27:39
So I was really sad to see this. I was just thought, how do we
27:44
like, did I wake up in a bad dream?
27:46
You know, it used to be on The Bachelorette that you had this
27:48
like cute girl next door, you know, from like Alabama.
27:52
And she's like, you know, The Bachelorette or you know, the,
27:56
the, the, the girl who's like the physical therapist from New
27:59
York or something. And she just wants to find a
28:01
husband. In this case, I think they're
28:04
really just going for scandal and clicks because it's
28:08
scandalous. They even know it's scandalous
28:10
that they're doing this at The Bachelorette franchise.
28:12
And so that's why they're, I think doubling down on it
28:14
because they're they're hoping that people will want to watch
28:17
the train wreck. And this is the last thing I'll
28:20
say. Say no to watching the train
28:23
wreck. And this is true for any kind of
28:25
media in my opinion. Just say no to watching the
28:27
train wreck. There's so many train wrecks out
28:29
there in media, in podcasting, in film, in television, on
28:33
social media. Just protect your heart and your
28:36
eyes and don't give them any advertising attention.
28:40
Say no to watching train wrecks. They're not going to benefit you
28:43
or the souls of the people creating that content.
28:47
Instead, patronize good content, good media, and just live a
28:50
great life. Live a life of virtue.
28:53
All right, so let's get to this poll that's out that is AI think
28:59
surprising for some people about what men are really looking for
29:03
today and what women are really looking for today.
29:06
And I think this should be the really the focus of anybody
29:13
who's like in the dating pool really consider like, what am I
29:15
looking for? What are other people looking
29:17
for? What what is the purpose of this
29:18
whole project of dating? Right?
29:20
Why? Why do we even want to get
29:22
married? What is marriage?
29:25
Is marriage a financial arrangement where now somebody
29:29
pays my bills or I have to pay somebody else's bills?
29:31
Right? Is marriage about owning a home
29:35
together? Is marriage a piece of paper?
29:38
Is marriage a tax write off or is there actually a marriage
29:41
fine or penalty depending on how you do your, you know, depending
29:44
on your income bracket and you know, your taxes that you have
29:47
to pay? Is marriage like, oh, it's
29:50
something that we just fell in love and we just lived together
29:52
and then we just like now we're slapping the label marriage on
29:55
because it's like cultural like what is marriage?
29:58
Well, marriage ultimately I believe it's a sacrament.
30:02
It's part of God's design. And marriage is the unique
30:07
relationship between all human relationships where 2 become
30:10
one, they become one flesh as it says in Genesis.
30:14
And when the 2 become one flesh they can create new flesh, new
30:17
lives. They can procreate and do that
30:20
amazing Co creative work of of making new life with God
30:24
children and they can grow together in virtue towards
30:27
eternity. Like marriage is about children
30:31
and marriage is about virtue. It's about growing together AS2
30:35
human beings to become who more who you were created to be in
30:40
order to be a gift to each other, a gift to your children,
30:43
and a gift to any soul that you interact with on your journey to
30:46
heaven. That's marriage and any other
30:49
definition of marriage. It's not between a man and a
30:52
woman, it's not permanent, it's not exclusive.
30:54
We can open it. You don't have to have kids or
30:56
you just have one kid and then you're 1 and done.
30:58
Any other definition of marriage is false.
31:01
And unfortunately, our culture is really confused today about
31:04
marriage. And I think there is a deeper
31:07
desire among people who are seeking marriage for the heart
31:14
of what marriage is. And this is where the polling
31:15
gets really interesting. So there's data that's out from
31:19
just a few months ago about what women are saying they're really
31:22
looking for in dating and their challenges are, and then what
31:25
men are saying that they're really looking for and their
31:27
challenges are. So according to a poll from EPPC
31:31
and You Gov, A survey, women ages 18 to 45 who are unmarried
31:37
say that their top challenge in dating is meeting someone who is
31:43
interested in more than casual hookups.
31:46
So if they're aiming towards marriage, certainly they're not
31:49
going to like this because they don't want a casual hookup.
31:52
And then the second biggest thing that they're struggling
31:55
with is meeting someone who treats them with kindness and
31:57
appreciation. And the one of the least
32:01
important things that women were talking about when they're
32:04
dating and looking to get married is looking for somebody
32:08
or meeting someone who is sufficiently financially stable.
32:11
So women prioritize this financial stability as the of
32:15
the man as like the lowest thing on the totem pole when they were
32:18
looking for a mate, according to this latest survey.
32:22
Now, interestingly, on the flip side, the men who are dating
32:27
like the cohort, the male cohort, most of them says that
32:30
the biggest difficulty that they have, if we can pull up that
32:33
poll or that survey. So for women, it's finding a man
32:39
who doesn't just want sex without commitment and finding a
32:41
man who is kind and appreciative.
32:44
And we don't really care how financially successful he is.
32:47
We want, I mean, not that we want him to be just a, you know,
32:50
a couch potato, but it's not about the money he makes.
32:53
It's about his kindness and it's about his willingness to commit.
32:56
And the men are saying 29% say they were looking to meet
33:01
somebody who treats them with, again, kindness and
33:03
appreciation. So this is very high up there
33:05
for both men and women. They're looking for kindness and
33:08
appreciation, and they're also looking for somebody who wants a
33:13
relationship that could end in marriage and kids.
33:16
So the men are saying we want commitment.
33:18
They're not phrasing it like, oh, we don't want to hook up,
33:20
but they're phrasing it like we want marriage and commitment.
33:23
And the least important thing, or one of the least important
33:26
things for men was, again, this idea of financial stability that
33:29
she, you know, comes with a dowry basically, like, she has a
33:31
good job and she can pay her bills.
33:33
So it's interesting how the two surveys mirror each other, and
33:37
men and women are actually looking for the same thing
33:39
today. Like, that's the hope in this.
33:41
They are looking for the same thing.
33:43
And it's not money. It's not financial stability
33:45
that they're going to somehow find any other person.
33:48
Now, you look at the marriage rates which are down today,
33:50
objectively speaking, over the last few decades, marriage rates
33:53
are down. There's a little blip that they
33:54
sort of stabilize and they might be creeping up a teeny bit, but
33:57
they are largely down in the last few decades.
34:00
And back in the day, you know, pre women entering the workforce
34:05
the way that they have in the last 50 to 70 years, a lot of
34:08
people just got married because that's what you did.
34:11
You got married. That's really how you were going
34:13
to pay your bills in a way as a woman is you would just get
34:16
married. Not that you couldn't pay your
34:18
bills outside of marriage, but like that just made sense.
34:20
Everybody got married, everybody had kids.
34:22
That was what we do as a society today.
34:25
That's changed dramatically and a lot of people just don't get
34:28
married, both men and women, because marriage has sort of
34:31
lost its meaning for a lot of people.
34:33
And because economically the incentive for getting marriage
34:38
as an economic incentive, it's going to be like financial
34:40
stability for me is no real, no longer really on the table.
34:44
Women can get jobs, they can pay for their own, you know,
34:47
apartment men get jobs too and they'll pay for their own
34:50
apartment. And sometimes they're worried,
34:52
can I even pay for a house or a place that's bigger to even
34:55
house a wife and a child? And it makes them maybe more
34:58
concerned about getting married because they're not sure they
35:00
can provide. So instead of fifty, 60-70 years
35:04
ago, we get married. It's normal, everybody does it
35:08
now. It's like, should we get
35:09
married? What is marriage, and is it even
35:12
worth it? And the silver lining in this is
35:18
that people now who are pursuing marriage more are more likely to
35:23
be serious about its true meaning, which is it's not a
35:27
piece of paper and it's not an economic deal.
35:30
It's not like, oh, I'm going to now have my bills paid or now I
35:33
have to pay for someone else's bills.
35:36
It's about I'm looking for somebody who is wanting to
35:40
create a family with me and they are a person, ultimately A
35:45
virtue who can treat me with kindness and appreciation.
35:49
And I think that's actually really healthy.
35:51
That's my maybe surprising take care is that despite all of the
35:55
challenges that we are facing culturally with marriage being
35:59
misunderstood and not believed in anymore, that the people that
36:04
are coming to a realization of its value are beginning to value
36:08
marriage. I believe for the right reasons
36:11
because marriage is not just a financial partnership, although
36:15
it absolutely involves financial partnering.
36:18
Marriage most importantly is about the project of building a
36:21
family, raising kids, and I believe growing in virtue to get
36:23
to heaven. And that should be the focus.
36:27
That should be the focus of any two people getting married.
36:30
I think there has been some pushback from more like red
36:32
pill, maybe conservative coded folks who say like, well, women
36:36
work now, so they don't need men, so they don't want men and
36:39
so they're going to not want to be wives or even make good
36:41
wives. And I think that's the wrong
36:44
take away because of course we still need men.
36:47
If you're a woman who's called to get married, you you need,
36:50
you know that that calls living in you.
36:52
And if you do get married, you need your husband, right?
36:55
And similarly, I believe men called to get married and they
36:57
get married, they need their wife, right?
37:00
But you're not getting married. You shouldn't get married
37:03
because, oh, now they're paying my bills.
37:05
Like, if you as a woman are marrying a man because he's
37:08
going to pay your bills, you're objectifying that man.
37:12
It's not fair to him. What happens if he can't?
37:14
What if he loses his job? What if he gets in a car
37:17
accident and he becomes a paraplegic and he struggles to
37:19
pay any bill? Are you no longer?
37:22
Is he no longer your husband? Does he no longer deserve your
37:24
respect and your love? No, of course, until death do us
37:28
part in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.
37:31
You made vows to him. You didn't make vows for him.
37:35
You're going to pay my bills. You are my provider and
37:37
therefore I will love you the rest of my life.
37:40
It's not a conditional contract that you've entered into based
37:43
on financial payouts. Marriage, yes, it involves a
37:47
100% all in with your finances. We've also had those
37:50
conversations on the show about how we're anti prenups in most
37:54
cases, most cases. I think there are some
37:55
exceptions, but most cases it's not about the money.
38:00
Marriage is not about money. You share money, you're free,
38:03
you're you're open with money. You you work hard to create
38:06
wealth for your family so you can grow your family and be
38:08
generous, but you're not as a woman, you should not be getting
38:11
married for money. No, you shouldn't.
38:14
And similarly, as a man, if you're marrying a woman because
38:18
she's filling in your mind a stereotype of what a wife should
38:21
be, you know, she's going to, you know, cook, clean, handle my
38:27
household and have raise my children for me, you know, have
38:30
children for me. Those are all beautiful things
38:33
to desire. And, and it's a beautiful thing.
38:34
It can be a beautiful thing for a woman to desire that this man
38:37
will be a protector and a provider for our family.
38:41
But if you then say this person owes me these things, this is
38:44
what I'm getting into the marriage for.
38:46
Not out of love for this woman and her eternal well-being, but
38:49
because she's going to transactionally give me these
38:51
things in exchange for what I'm going to give her.
38:53
You're objectifying her and you're objectifying the
38:55
marriage. You see, marriage is not about
38:57
what I get out of it. Marriage is about the gift of
39:01
oneself, holy with nothing held back, body, mind, heart and
39:05
soul. You become one flesh and
39:07
openness to life, a willingness to suffer together, a
39:10
willingness to grow in virtue no matter what happens.
39:13
So while it's good to desire the goods of, you know, building
39:16
wealth as a family so you can care for your family and be
39:18
generous children and the fruit that can come from, you know,
39:22
having beautiful children and raising them in the faith, a
39:26
beautiful household, those should not become the idol.
39:30
The end game should always be love of the other person wanting
39:34
their good and heaven. And I am hopeful when I see this
39:38
kind of pulling that there is a wholesome desire that is the top
39:42
desire that is in the heart of those today's seeking out
39:45
marriage. And that gives me a lot of
39:48
really optimistic outlook on this.
39:50
And I think we need to be careful about idolizing the
39:54
traditional, you know, 1940s marriage arrangement or
39:59
housewife or, you know, provider husband picture because if you
40:04
dig deeper, it was never about, you know, I think we can respect
40:09
tradition. We can try to understand
40:10
tradition, learn from the people who came before us, right?
40:13
Don't just throw, throw it out because we was old, but to say
40:16
to idolize the past and say well.
40:19
You know, back in the 50s, every woman just got married because
40:22
that's how, you know, she was provided for and the men left
40:25
the house and worked and she was like in the kitchen with the
40:27
kids all day. And that's somehow perfect.
40:29
Americana vision. I think it's a false vision.
40:31
I don't think that is the end game.
40:33
And we did a whole episode on this, you guys, if you remember
40:36
and I I'll try to maybe we'll link it in the description here
40:39
about how the whole idea of the man is strictly the financial
40:43
provider and the woman is somehow just domestic duties.
40:46
And then the kids are like lumped in under domestic duties.
40:48
And this is sort of the traditional split of gender
40:51
roles in a family that goes back before the, you know, before
40:55
time, you know, immemorial is not a correct view of the
41:01
household. And the word even the whole idea
41:05
of the economy has to do with the household.
41:08
It has to do with the household financial project of how do we
41:12
even put food on the table? How do we even have a house and
41:15
everything else. And both mom, mom and dad, both
41:18
man and woman, worked hard toward that.
41:19
Their roles could look different, but they were equally
41:22
invested in the economic project of building a household together
41:26
and they should be equally invested in the raising of the
41:28
children. Again, how it will look will be
41:30
different based sometimes on the genders or on the gifts of the
41:34
spouses and their their particular arrangement.
41:36
But to say that the woman cannot provide financially or that the
41:40
man should not be involved in domestic life, I think is not a
41:44
traditional idea and it is not a Christian idea either.
41:48
So I'm hopeful for all of my single friends out there because
41:52
you are in a dating market right now where it's really quick.
41:56
Lee apparent who is in the kind of I'm going to call it yeah.
41:59
Culture of death mentality. You know, marriage is
42:02
meaningless. Children aren't that important.
42:04
We're all about materialism and like, you know, desires versus
42:07
physical desires versus the culture of life mentality that
42:10
marriage matters. It means something.
42:12
Children are a gift. We're going to fight and build
42:14
this together for the sake of heaven and virtue.
42:17
And I think that is, you know, a lot of people today, there are a
42:20
lot of people today who want that.
42:22
And you can be hopeful that if you are called to marriage, God
42:25
is going to bring you that person in his time.
42:27
He will. And you may have to put yourself
42:29
out there, you know, download Sacred Spark to start finding
42:33
good matches. You know, hire Alessandra, my
42:37
matchmaking friend in LA. Or, you know, if you're of the
42:39
means, you can hire a matchmaker.
42:41
Ask your friends to set you up. That's the a surefire way, like,
42:44
you know, put your friends to work.
42:46
But God has a plan for you. And there's a lot of because
42:49
there's a lot of people who are wanting the things that you
42:52
want. You might not have just matched
42:53
your map, you have might not have just met your match quite
42:57
yet. All right, you guys, I'm going
42:59
to take a look at the chat before we wrap up here.
43:03
Thank you everybody who has been tuning in.
43:07
Here's a comment from someone Lila Rose for president.
43:10
That's very kind. I do not intend to run for
43:12
president. I don't think that is a very
43:14
good idea for many reasons, but I appreciate it.
43:17
That's so kind of you. Another comment is we've heard
43:20
so many stories about regretful parents lately.
43:23
That was a breath of fresh air. And I think you're referring to
43:26
Jesse, Jesse Buckley's Oscar award acceptance speech.
43:32
And I totally agree. I another comment, I completely
43:37
agree that gratuitous sex scenes are uncalled for.
43:40
Yes, it's again a hill that I will die on.
43:43
We are not. It's completely useless and also
43:47
immoral, quite frankly. So.
43:49
And it's not beautiful. Like sex scenes are not
43:52
beautiful because sex is not for something.
43:54
The sex is not something for us to gawk at other people doing.
43:57
Like sex is not something for us to gawk at other people doing.
44:01
Sex is an incredible, beautiful, mind blowing you intimate moment
44:07
that you get to share with the love of your life and marriage.
44:10
That's what sex is. It's not anything your business
44:14
about other people watching it or God forbid, being entertained
44:17
by other people, you know, simulating sex on a screen.
44:20
It's completely dumb. So should we pull up the graphic
44:24
again? Harris?
44:25
No, it's OK. You guys get the picture.
44:27
You guys know where I stand. All right, couple more comments.
44:32
Hey Lila, how are you? I'm doing good, Thank you.
44:34
How are you? I'll watch the stream later
44:36
also. I see.
44:37
I'll see you again this Saturday for Live Actions Young Leaders
44:40
Summit. Stay safe.
44:40
Yes, Live Actions Young Leaders Summit is this Saturday in
44:43
Anaheim. We still have some tickets
44:45
available, go check it out. I'll try to link that in the
44:48
description as well. And I hope to see everybody
44:50
there. And then last comment I'll share
44:53
here is listen to God's command from God.
44:56
Instead of listening to humans, listen to God to reflect a good
44:58
Christian life. First commandment, God will
45:00
reveal to a lady if it is him only that I think you're talking
45:04
here about finding a future spouse.
45:06
And yes, like talk to God. God has a plan for your life.
45:09
And you know, we've had a lot of great podcast guests on the show
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talking about prayer, talking about how to discern your
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identity, your your discern the voice of God and to discover
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your identity in Christ. And listen, like if you have any
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question in your life right now, including a question about
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dating, marriage or relationships, go in front of
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the Blessed Sacrament. Or if you don't believe that's
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necessarily Jesus in the Eucharist.
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You can just go sit in your home quietly, maybe with a journal
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and a Bible and just say, Lord, what do you want me to hear
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right now? And set a timer, no
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interruptions. Give it at least 5 minutes and
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just listen for the voice of God and read Holy Scripture too, but
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listen for the voice of God and let him speak to you.
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God is not trying to trick you, He's not trying to run away from
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you. God loves you passionately with
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an everlasting love and He will answer you may not be in the way
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you expect, but He is the lover of your soul and He will answer
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you. So take time to pray and to
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listen for God. OK, one more comment.
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I love this. Please pray for me.
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I'm getting baptized on Easter. Yay that's amazing.
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I'm so happy for you and I will absolutely pray for you.
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God bless you and what an amazing gift to be adopted into
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the family of God on Easter. I'll pray for your preparation
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and welcome home. Thank you all for joining and we
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will see you next Wednesday.