Latest / HAIstoric Phonograph — irreverent dispatches from a history that never quite happened
So, God Hates Us: A World Without Beer
Send us Fan MailHumanity stumbles through a joyless, sober existence, and honestly, why the hell did we even bother getting out of the caves? Let’s get one thing straight: the agricultural revolution wasn’t about bread. Any historian who tells you our hunter-gatherer ancestors decided to settle down for the sheer fucking thrill of baking a nice sourdough is a goddamn liar. They did it for beer. That glorious, malty, liquid courage that made life between the Tigris and Euphrates less of a sun-scorched waking nightmare. Without the happy accident of some soggy grain fermenting into the world’s…
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