Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E121: Why This Mom of 6 Says Homeschooling is Practical
Transcript
- 0:00I want to get into for somebody considering homeschooling like
- 0:03where they should even start. How does homeschooling work for
- 0:05families that have a lot of work?
- 0:07How many hours per day as a homeschool parent should I be
- 0:10homeschooling? I'm so glad you asked this.
- 0:12Would you say homeschooling is actually the best option?
- 0:14Homeschooling just doesn't look like traditional school if this
- 0:17doesn't need to. When my oldest were 12:10 and
- 0:208:00 we had a one year old and twin newborns.
- 0:24Wow. And there was not a lot of
- 0:25formal education going on. How does that work?
- 0:28I think we have this expectation that if if we don't do these
- 0:30things exactly how the school system prescribes that they
- 0:33should be done, they won't be ready.
- 0:35And we sort of discount the fact that a lot of things are learned
- 0:38in the course of normal everyday life.
- 0:44Welcome back to the Lila Rose podcast.
- 0:46Today we're going to be talking with Sarah Mackenzie about
- 0:49homeschooling. Consider this episode your
- 0:51primer on homeschooling. If you consider doing it, Maybe
- 0:54you have kids and you're thinking about pulling your kids
- 0:56out of school. You're going to be having kids
- 0:58and you're wondering how to educate them or you're even have
- 1:00kids. You're not even married yet, but
- 1:01you're interested in one day maybe exploring homeschooling.
- 1:05As you guys know, I was homeschooled.
- 1:06My husband was homeschooled for part of his education, and I had
- 1:09an amazing experience with it. Sarah is going to break down how
- 1:12to get started, how to discern if it's for you, how to overcome
- 1:15roadblocks, how to get in the same page with your spouse, and
- 1:17so much more. Homeschooling has been making a
- 1:19huge resurgence, especially post pandemic and during the
- 1:22pandemic, and so many more people are considering it as a
- 1:25viable option for their family. Is it?
- 1:27We get into so much of the details of whether or not it
- 1:30will work for you and how you can make homeschooling work for
- 1:32you in this episode. There's tons of good stuff in
- 1:34this episode and tons of resources in this episode.
- 1:37So I actually recommend, yes, you can listen to it while
- 1:39you're driving, but write down some of the resources that she
- 1:41says while she's saying them, and then you'll be able to go
- 1:44back to those and use them in the future.
- 1:46I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did.
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- 3:4320% off your order. Sarah, thanks so much for
- 3:46joining the podcast. I am delighted to be here.
- 3:48Thanks for having me. I'm very excited to have you on
- 3:50because we have not deep dived homeschooling yet on the show.
- 3:54Awesome. And I didn't.
- 3:55Realize that you were homeschooled.
- 3:57Yes, awesome. I was, yes.
- 3:59And also my husband was homeschooled for part of his
- 4:01education. OK, So we're very familiar with
- 4:04our experiences there, right? And then different networks, but
- 4:07you are the perfect person to talk about this.
- 4:10So give folks a little bit of your background and also tell us
- 4:13about your podcast, which I understand has over 14,000,000
- 4:17downloads and it's all things homeschooling.
- 4:19Yes. So my husband and I have been
- 4:21married for 23 years and we have six kids who've all been
- 4:24homeschooled all the way through.
- 4:27Our oldest three are all in college now, so they're 2220 and
- 4:3118 and our youngest ones are 12. And then we have 10 year old
- 4:35identical twin boys. And what brought me to
- 4:38homeschooling was actually, and it's interesting, I, I feel like
- 4:43there is a resurgence, like you said, to homeschooling right
- 4:46now, maybe largely fed by what the alternatives offer, Probably
- 4:51fed by that. For me, homeschooling, I was
- 4:54really drawn to it because I enjoyed my kids so much.
- 4:57I, I was really inspired by a picture of like spending time
- 5:00with my kids and getting to learn alongside them.
- 5:04And then as the years progressed, we just loved it so
- 5:07much. We loved the way our, our
- 5:08families, our family had like its own culture.
- 5:11We had the ability to connect and have these great
- 5:14conversations, tons of time for reading.
- 5:17And so we just kept homeschooling all the way
- 5:18through. And my husband wasn't super
- 5:20excited about it at the beginning, mostly because
- 5:24neither he or I knew a lot of homeschooling families who in
- 5:30real life there was like my husband would say he knew one
- 5:33homeschooling family growing up and they were super weird.
- 5:36And he was like, I don't want to do that.
- 5:39But I don't know. I think the resources and the
- 5:42communities that are available for homeschoolers now make it a
- 5:45really not just something we can do because there are problems
- 5:49with alternatives, with public education and even in many cases
- 5:53private education, but because there's so much joy to be had in
- 5:56homeschooling. So anyway, yes, Read Aloud
- 5:57Revival is my podcast where we talk about especially about how
- 6:02reading with our kids of all ages, even well past time when
- 6:05they can read on their own, really can nurture
- 6:09relationships, help our kids encounter God, help them
- 6:11encounter big ideas and grow closer together.
- 6:14So we talk about reading aloud in the context of homeschooling
- 6:17and just in the context of family life.
- 6:20All right, there's so much to get into and I'm excited to deep
- 6:22dive it all. But first, what you just said
- 6:24makes me wonder, when you were starting your family with your
- 6:28husband, were there other schools locally that were like
- 6:31really solid? And you considered when you were
- 6:34making the decision whether or not to homeschool?
- 6:36Or was part of the decision to homeschool the concern about the
- 6:38lack of quality schools close to you 'cause I know that for a lot
- 6:42of people listening, it's a concern about the schools around
- 6:45them? That was primarily it.
- 6:46So where we lived, there was a lot of crime in the schools at
- 6:49the time. I mean, this was, again, you
- 6:51know, 17 years ago when my oldest was 5.
- 6:54And there were, there were, yeah, issues with crime, I would
- 6:59say was the biggest concern at the time.
- 7:01Now, I would probably have other other things that I would be
- 7:04concerned about. We actually, though, by the time
- 7:06my oldest was eight, we had moved into a really nice school
- 7:09district. And I remember we had moved
- 7:11across the state into Eastern Washington.
- 7:13And when we moved there, a lot of people around us were like,
- 7:17why would you homeschool when you have such great schools
- 7:19nearby? At that point, we had gotten a
- 7:21Taste of Home education. And so again, it was less about,
- 7:25well, I don't want my kids to go to this school, so I guess we'll
- 7:27homeschool. We don't have the resource.
- 7:29We didn't have the resources at the time to put them into a
- 7:31private school. So we'll just do it because we
- 7:33kind of have to. Then we discovered all of this
- 7:35joy and connection, and we just kept going.
- 7:38So even though at the time there were sounds like there were
- 7:40great schools, at least people said there were great schools
- 7:43and you didn't have a concern once you moved about the
- 7:46necessarily the quality of the school.
- 7:47You were just loving homeschooling so much and found
- 7:50it so rewarding. Yeah, and I think because I
- 7:53realized that homeschooling gave us so much opportunity to help
- 7:58our kids navigate challenges, talk about tricky issues, but
- 8:04also there's just so much time. That's really the thing when I
- 8:09look back to on my oldest three, who are now all at college.
- 8:12Well, one just graduated from college.
- 8:14She's heading off to grad school.
- 8:15But when when I look back, I think the thing I'm the most
- 8:18grateful for is the time, which does feel when you're in it with
- 8:22the little kids, feels like time is eternal.
- 8:26I will be here forever. I will.
- 8:28This child will never learn to read.
- 8:30There's a lot of that feeling like it's going to go on
- 8:32forever. But in retrospect, at the risk
- 8:34of sounding like one of those moms who's like enjoy it while
- 8:37you can, It really it is the time.
- 8:40I think the time that you get to spend with your kids when you're
- 8:42home schooling and you're not having to follow someone else's
- 8:45schedule or agenda for what they're wanting to teach.
- 8:50It just affords a lot of opportunity for connection and
- 8:53relationship building. Which in hindsight with my older
- 8:57kids and something I'm really attentive to now with my younger
- 8:59ones is that those relationships that we built are the foundation
- 9:04of our relationship with them as a young adults are my husband
- 9:08and my relationship with our kids as young adults.
- 9:10That's matters more than just about anything else.
- 9:13So I want to get into just like the primer for then for somebody
- 9:18considering homeschooling, like where they should even start
- 9:21before that. I want to get into the mindset
- 9:23though, because I found a lot of women that I've talked to and
- 9:27dads, but you know, usually it's the mom who's making these
- 9:29decisions and she's primarily doing the homeschooling.
- 9:32Dad's often assisting. But I found it's a mindset thing
- 9:35of like, I don't think I can do this.
- 9:37Yes, both for two reasons. Number one, I don't think I can
- 9:39do this because I've got other responsibilities.
- 9:42Maybe they're working full or part time.
- 9:44Maybe they have, you know, a lot of kids and they feel like it's
- 9:47just overwhelming. Like there's just practical
- 9:49considerations. And then I can't do this because
- 9:51of like personal considerations. Like I don't have what it takes.
- 9:54You know, I'm not detail oriented.
- 9:56I'm not good at focusing. I get frustrated.
- 9:58He's like whatever it is. So I'd love to explore those two
- 10:01categories of concerns around kind of roadblocks to
- 10:05homeschooling in the mindset of someone even considering it.
- 10:08Yeah, if I can start with the second one first, because I feel
- 10:11like a lot of times what I would hear early on was I could never
- 10:14homeschool my kids because I'm not patient enough.
- 10:17But The funny thing about virtues like patience is that
- 10:21you only acquire them when they're required of you.
- 10:23You know, that's the only way that you grow in patience is to
- 10:26be tried. So I have found that
- 10:28homeschooling is an excellent ground for a mother especially
- 10:32and and a dad too. My husband does quite a bit of
- 10:34homeschooling these days with the kids, science and math and
- 10:36all those things that he really excels at.
- 10:38But it's a primate. It's a wonderful ground for
- 10:43yourself as in growing in those virtues as well.
- 10:46So I, I would always say like I was never patient enough to
- 10:49homeschool until I grew in patients by homeschooling, which
- 10:52I'm still not patient enough. You know, there's like we have
- 10:55this idea that we need to well, two things.
- 11:00I think if you were traditionally schooled like I
- 11:03was, a lot of times we come into homeschooling bringing a lot of
- 11:08the expectations and ideas of what it takes, what it means to
- 11:11teach 1/4 grader or a 6th grader.
- 11:14Then we have like I have six children when my oldest were
- 11:1812:10 and 8:00, we had a one year old and twin newborns and
- 11:23there was not a lot of like formal education going on
- 11:26because I was tired and I taking care of three babies is so you
- 11:29had three, three. Toddler, newborns, toddler and
- 11:32two newborns. Yes, and then you were
- 11:34homeschooling an 8A10 and a 12 year old.
- 11:36Yes, how does that? Work.
- 11:39Were you doing that alone? I mean, did you have like a
- 11:41tutor come to the house or I did?
- 11:43Occasionally, so we had, I had a few friends that we, I used to
- 11:46go to a homeschool club. They started coming to my house
- 11:48to meet because it was like trying to get out of the house
- 11:50with three babies was impossible.
- 11:52So, you know, I had a friend come and she would do like logic
- 11:55with all of the older kids or another one that did Latin, that
- 11:58was a few years we did Latin. She she would come over and like
- 12:02teach all of the kids. So I could just be in the next
- 12:04room with the with the babies. For the most part, we just
- 12:08didn't do a lot of formal education those years.
- 12:10And it's really interesting because now looking back, I
- 12:13remember being so worried that I wasn't doing enough.
- 12:17And again, I think this goes back to the expectation that we
- 12:20think that then we need to be teaching each of these kids at
- 12:23their own level from 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM every day.
- 12:28Homeschooling just doesn't look like traditional school if it
- 12:31doesn't need to. So for those years, there was
- 12:35very little formal education going on.
- 12:37I would read aloud to the kids every day, or we'd listen to
- 12:39audiobooks. That was more often audiobooks
- 12:42during that time than me reading aloud.
- 12:44Because if you have three babies, the chances you can sit
- 12:47for 20 minutes and read aloud with your kids is very slim.
- 12:50They did an online math program and we had tons of family living
- 12:54like tons of life that I think sometimes we disqualify is
- 13:00counting. You mean like outings when you
- 13:03say family life, you mean just like, like, yeah, I was excited.
- 13:07You know, more like family systems where like, you have a
- 13:10meal together. This is doing.
- 13:12Chores, chores. They're helping you with the
- 13:14babies. There is a podcast episode on
- 13:17Read a lot of revival. It's episode 209.
- 13:20I interviewed my oldest daughter, who's now 22, about
- 13:22what she remembers, like what what worked and what didn't in
- 13:25those days and what struck me when I interviewed her, when I
- 13:28asked her some of these questions I didn't know the
- 13:30answers to where, you know, what do you remember about?
- 13:33There was a couple years in there that were real dicey.
- 13:36You know, babies, all these babies all at once.
- 13:40We didn't do what anyone would consider to be enough, Even
- 13:43myself, what I would consider to be enough.
- 13:45Now, was there standardization in Washington?
- 13:48I know some states have different programs where they
- 13:51require certain check ins with homeschool families.
- 13:54Yes, it depends. It varies state to state.
- 13:56In Washington state at the time, you were required with kids who
- 14:00were I think it was 3rd or 4th grade and up to take an annual
- 14:03standardized test there. You didn't have to do anything
- 14:07with it. You didn't have to turn it in.
- 14:08You just had to have them take it and have it on file.
- 14:11And we had to specifically register as a homeschooling
- 14:14family. But outside of that, there's a
- 14:15lot of freedom. And I know Washington is one of
- 14:18the states that has more stringent requirements.
- 14:20And that's about, there are a few that are, I think New York,
- 14:23Massachusetts may have some more requirements, but there are a
- 14:27lot of ways around them. A lot of, let's say, there's a
- 14:32lot of Gray area in the interpretation of those
- 14:35requirements. What's interesting to me is that
- 14:39we have this expectation that a child needs to do a certain
- 14:42amount of school each year. And I really did worry for many
- 14:45years that we weren't doing enough, especially in those
- 14:48really intense baby years. Now I can look back and see
- 14:53that, well, in that interview with my daughter, she says the
- 14:57things that she learned those years are probably more helpful
- 15:00than all the things she could have learned from books.
- 15:02Now, she did go to college and now she's going to get a
- 15:05graduate degree. She's actually going to Scotland
- 15:06next year for a graduate degree. All the kids have done just fine
- 15:10in university, doing really well.
- 15:12And I think we have this expectation that if we don't do
- 15:15these things exactly how the culture prescribes or the the
- 15:18school systems prescribes that they should be done.
- 15:20They won't be ready. And we sort of discount the fact
- 15:23that a lot of things are learned in the course of normal everyday
- 15:27life, that there's a lot of ground that can be made-up.
- 15:31For example, I don't usually teach my kids a lot of writing
- 15:34or grammar until they're about 12.
- 15:36And then they learn it really, really quickly because they've,
- 15:39if they've been read to for a while and you've got this warm
- 15:42relationship, then you can make up a lot of ground later on.
- 15:46So I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves,
- 15:48especially if we have a lot of babies, which probably a lot of
- 15:52people listening to this have a lot of little ones.
- 15:54And we think, well, I can't do right by the older ones.
- 15:57There's just something there that's hard to quantify.
- 15:59It's hard to pin down, and it requires a lot of trust and a
- 16:03lot of faith that I guess the underlying question is, how do I
- 16:11know if I'm going to be able to do enough, how I know I'm doing
- 16:13enough for my kids? And I feel like there's no pat
- 16:17answer to that. Except you probably aren't, but
- 16:19that was never what God asked you to do in the first place.
- 16:24I love, I just love this image I of Jesus feeding the 5000 on the
- 16:28hillside and all these hungry, the throng of hungry people.
- 16:32And what he didn't do, he could have.
- 16:34What he didn't do is just instantly feed everybody or
- 16:37instantly make everyone feel full so they wouldn't need to
- 16:40eat. What he did is he asked, he told
- 16:42the disciples, well, bring me what you have.
- 16:44Bring me what do we have? And they brought him what he
- 16:46had. They had and then he made it
- 16:48enough. And that to me is a very
- 16:50beautiful picture of homeschooling when we think, I
- 16:53don't know if I can do it because I don't know if I have
- 16:55the right temperament. I don't know if I'm patient
- 16:57enough. I think I have too many
- 16:59responsibilities, whether that's work or all these other babies
- 17:02or both. I don't think I have enough.
- 17:05Well, he never asked you to do that.
- 17:06He asked you to bring him what you have.
- 17:09And he makes it enough. And I just have talked to
- 17:12homeschool family, after homeschool family after
- 17:14homeschool family where none of these women go.
- 17:18Yeah, we did it all. We did all the right curriculum.
- 17:21We read all the books I wanted to read.
- 17:23We had outings like I wanted us to have, like field trips.
- 17:26None of them say that, but yet they all say I'm so it was such
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- 18:34So I think people listening, they might be thinking, OK, that
- 18:38sounds really beautiful. Again, I'm playing like, not
- 18:41devil's advocate, but it's more, you know, hearing the concerns I
- 18:44have from other moms who are really interested or or want to
- 18:47be moms, like younger women who are thinking seriously about
- 18:50their future and like hoping to have a family one day.
- 18:51And that's a lot of our audience too, and young men too.
- 18:55And they're thinking about, OK, can what I give my kids be
- 18:59superior? Then let's say that classical
- 19:01private school down the road, you know, that Catholic or that
- 19:05Christian private school down the road that's doing like a
- 19:07classical education. If that's the option, like good
- 19:10old me versus this private classical school, should I pick
- 19:13me, right? So we're talking about like an
- 19:16an ideal situation and a lot of people pick homeschooling
- 19:19because they don't have that option down the road, right?
- 19:21Or if they do, it's way too expensive.
- 19:23You know, there's other considerations, but I'm kind of
- 19:25boiling it down to the essence of, would you say homeschooling
- 19:28is actually the best option? I really think it varies family
- 19:32to family. I really feel like God gives us
- 19:34the grace to know our own kids and to feel peace with whatever
- 19:37decision that is the right for our family.
- 19:39I wouldn't go so far as to say that I think home education is
- 19:42always the very best I have. I just have too many people I
- 19:46know whose kids are in great, let's say classical Christian
- 19:49Catholic schools or, or classical Christian schools or,
- 19:51or something where it feels like a really great fit for their
- 19:55family and they're getting a great education.
- 19:58I think though, that there are benefits and there are drawbacks
- 20:02and there are benefits to anywhere you go.
- 20:04So whether you're you have that ideal private education option
- 20:09or homeschooling, either way, there's going to be something
- 20:12you gain and something you lose. So it's sort of about weighing
- 20:17where we're at in our family right now and the dynamics we
- 20:19have and how we're feeling called the one we prayerfully
- 20:21consider. Where do we feel the most peace?
- 20:25There is something, I think, to relationships between parents
- 20:30and kids and then siblings and siblings.
- 20:33I'll say, you know, my husband and I have six, right, And are
- 20:36three oldest, and there's a gap. And then there's three more.
- 20:39And the relationship the older kids have with the younger kids
- 20:43is so beautiful. And it's something I don't know
- 20:46they would have had if they were at a really great private school
- 20:50for most of because they spent so much time helping me take
- 20:53care of the younger ones. They've just got this bond.
- 20:57A little example of this is that a couple of months ago, one of
- 21:01my 10 year olds finished reading the Wing Feather Saga by Andrew
- 21:05Peterson, fabulous fantasy novel series.
- 21:10And he brought it to me the last book and said I'm a changed
- 21:14human. So I mean, homeschool kids can
- 21:16be a little weird. That's true.
- 21:17That's great. It's weird in about the last
- 21:19way. So he says I'm a changed human.
- 21:21And I said, oh, you know who's favorite this series was the
- 21:25favorite of this? Allison.
- 21:26So I text Allison, our one of our older kids and said, you
- 21:30know, Emerson just finished reading the Wing Feather Saga
- 21:33and she is off at art school other side of the country, 20
- 21:37years old, probably has a million things she'd rather be
- 21:39thinking about. But instead she says, tell him,
- 21:41I'll call him at 10:00 AM on Saturday.
- 21:43We'll talk about it. They spent an hour on Saturday
- 21:47morning on a FaceTime video talking about this book.
- 21:50And I just think that those kind of connections are, I don't
- 21:52know, maybe they would still have them if they had gone to
- 21:55private school, but I have a hunch that it was the time that
- 21:59we spent together that fuelled that.
- 22:01It's really hard to quantify, though.
- 22:03And when you're in the middle of it and you've got like crying
- 22:06baby and a talker who's like having accidents all over the
- 22:10house or an ear infection and then a kid that's like throwing,
- 22:13you know, shooting Nerf darts at your head and another one who
- 22:15can't find her math book. It is 100% normal to go, am I
- 22:20doing this right? Am I?
- 22:21Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I think that's just all normal,
- 22:24though. I think that's like normal
- 22:25motherhood, normal parenting. You know, we say homeschooling
- 22:30and I think mothering, it's an act of faith and we can say
- 22:34that, but I feel like we have a hard time really understanding
- 22:38what that means. You know, we're planting seeds
- 22:40in this little garden plot that we have and you can't plant a
- 22:43seed and then dig it up to see if it's growing or not.
- 22:47That's what we want to do. Like, I just want to make sure.
- 22:49I just want to double check that this is working.
- 22:51I just want to make sure that I'm making the right decisions.
- 22:53But that is what faith is for, for us to go.
- 22:56I'm going to do this work that I feel called to and let God make
- 22:59it enough. That's.
- 23:00Beautiful, I love the balance of what you're saying because I
- 23:03think it's so healthy that yes, there could be a few good
- 23:08options for a family and then the family through prayer,
- 23:11discernment, you know, just making that personal decision
- 23:14can make that decision of what is best for the family.
- 23:17Are there the guidelines you would recommend, you know, as
- 23:20someone is thinking about is homeschooling for me that maybe
- 23:25were useful for you or you recommend to other people for
- 23:28them to make that decision about homeschooling?
- 23:31And I know we were talking about the ideal situation of, you
- 23:33know, they have this other fantastic option.
- 23:36I do want to get into when you don't have other options and
- 23:39you're making best what with what you, you know, inferior
- 23:43options. But what would be some of the
- 23:44discernment tools you would recommend?
- 23:47One of the things that I think is just a really practical way
- 23:53to think about this is to imagine, just pick any one of
- 23:56your kids who's little, maybe they're four and you imagine
- 23:59them 20 years down the road and they're having dinner with
- 24:02friends and one of their friends or colleagues says, so you were
- 24:07homeschooled. So just trying, trying it on.
- 24:08You were homeschooled. What was that like?
- 24:10Like describe that to me. And like, what would you want
- 24:13them to say? Well, how would you want them to
- 24:15describe that? Or you can even say, so you were
- 24:17raised in a big family. What was that like?
- 24:19Or you were, what was your mom like?
- 24:21It's interesting because I think as soon as we do that, we can,
- 24:24we kind of instantly paint this ideal vision of what we want
- 24:27them to say. But if we were to just step
- 24:31back, do that, step back for a second and go, what's the,
- 24:35what's the most likely way we'll get there?
- 24:37So when I do this exercise with a, a young child, like when my
- 24:42kids were younger and I would do this, I would think, I want them
- 24:45to say my family was so close. We had, we read together all the
- 24:48time. We had great conversations about
- 24:50books. I had lots of time to learn
- 24:53about things I was really interested in and lots of time
- 24:56to learn at my own pace. So I never felt pressured to
- 24:58learn at someone else's pace. So when I answer it that way, it
- 25:01becomes pretty clear to me. I think homeschooling is
- 25:04probably going to get me there faster than these other or more
- 25:08likely is going to get me there than these other options.
- 25:10So getting really clear on what matters the matters most to us.
- 25:15And that might not be the answer for everybody else, right?
- 25:17They might have a different I think God puts different visions
- 25:19in our hearts and gives us the ability to make those that grace
- 25:22to make those decisions so that it feels a little bit like woo
- 25:26woo. But I actually think it's pretty
- 25:27practical to go where do we want to go?
- 25:29Where do we want to end up? Can we at least use that as a a
- 25:33compass to help us point in the right direction?
- 25:35I mean, it sounds like you're talking about calling.
- 25:37It's a sense of calling a vision that you feel God is planted in
- 25:40your heart and you, it's like, how do we get to that vision?
- 25:43Yes. And for many it might be
- 25:45homeschooling and for others it might not.
- 25:48I my goal with this interview is to kind of breakdown the
- 25:51objections for people maybe who may be called to homeschooling
- 25:54or help people who are feeling the call discern that and also
- 25:57give them the practical tools. So I think that's a really good
- 26:01piece of advice that you just gave to kind of imagine.
- 26:03I love that. Like what we, what would you
- 26:05want your child to say, you know, when they're asked that 22
- 26:08years old and how do you get them there?
- 26:10What are the things you can do? So in the category then of
- 26:13people that maybe they feel this like interest in homeschooling,
- 26:17especially maybe because they don't have a great option, OK,
- 26:21you know, they don't have another grade.
- 26:22There's not that private classical affordable homeschool
- 26:24like right down the street. And they just don't feel
- 26:27comfortable just handing their child off necessarily to the
- 26:31local, even maybe Christian School or certainly public
- 26:34school. But they also maybe are working
- 26:37part time or even full time or they're just, you know, there's,
- 26:40you know, maybe they've got a lot of kids, there's just
- 26:41complications. What would be some of your
- 26:44starting place advice for them? OK, so one of the things I think
- 26:49one of the mistakes I think I made really early on when we
- 26:52just dove into homeschooling is I read way too much, which it
- 26:56seems like a funny thing to say, like don't do that.
- 27:00But I do think, and I think it's actually probably more of a
- 27:03temptation now than it was when I started homeschooling because
- 27:06there's so many different ways to homeschool.
- 27:08And a lot of people are very passionate about the way that
- 27:12they homeschool. And so they tend to, this is
- 27:14goes for curriculum companies, it goes for influencers, it goes
- 27:18for every homeschooling mom who's on social media sort of
- 27:21defends their way of homeschooling to where you can
- 27:24really feel like, I think you could open up Instagram and you
- 27:28could scroll on there for 60 seconds and you would see one
- 27:32mom who is like homesteading and they're, she's like growing a
- 27:35garden. They have chicken.
- 27:37Sourdough. Yes, like exactly sourdough all
- 27:40the things and then you keep going and you'll see somebody
- 27:43else who's got like stacks of books as tall as each of her
- 27:45kids. Like these are the books my kids
- 27:46read this year. And then someone else who's Rd.
- 27:48schooling and they're taking their kids all over the country.
- 27:51And another one who's doing these amazing nature studies and
- 27:54somebody else whose kids are like taking the national Latin
- 27:57exam. Very easy to like 60 seconds.
- 27:59You pop that thing off and you look up at your children who are
- 28:02again, Nerf darts at your head or throwing up on the carpet
- 28:06like whatever is going on and going, I'm not cut out for this
- 28:09clearly. And what happens is we combine
- 28:11like this, all of these different little snippets, not
- 28:15even different people, but just different snippets from these
- 28:17people, usually the highlights, right?
- 28:20And we combine them into this like one fictional composite
- 28:23woman. So one thing I think I did, I
- 28:25wasn't, we didn't, I didn't have social media at the time when my
- 28:28oldest. Yeah, I was actually, but I did
- 28:31read about a ton of different methods of education instead of
- 28:36looking at the children God had put right in front of me.
- 28:39And I think the best thing to study when you're if you're
- 28:43thinking about homeschooling is the kids right in front of you.
- 28:46Are they struggling to learn how to read?
- 28:48OK, now we can go look for like, what can I do if my kid is
- 28:51struggling to learn how to read or if my kid is not and they're
- 28:54reading really fast? I never had one of these, but
- 28:57they're reading really young. That's a whole nother set of
- 28:59challenges because then they get into how do I keep my kid in
- 29:02appropriate books that are good for them, You know?
- 29:04So like there's always a challenge.
- 29:05But if you're looking at your child and then looking for
- 29:10seeking help to troubleshoot, whatever is coming to mind,
- 29:13that's different than coming in and going, OK, I'm going to be a
- 29:16homeschool mom. I want to make sure I use the
- 29:18right curriculum. I want to make sure I use the
- 29:20right method. There isn't one.
- 29:22So that's just kind of a crazy making endeavor, I think.
- 29:26It would be like your. It would be like your top three,
- 29:29would you say? I know you're saying there isn't
- 29:31one, but if some mom wants to try it out, you know, her
- 29:34child's four or five, She's not going to do preschool or
- 29:36kindergarten, maybe six. She feels like I got to start
- 29:39teaching him to read then, like, what would be a starting place
- 29:41or a few resources that you would say these?
- 29:43Yeah, there's not. One is necessarily better than
- 29:45the other. It depends on the kid, but these
- 29:46are some starting places. OK, a couple is.
- 29:49One of them that I love to recommend is called Five in a
- 29:51row. And the principle of five in a
- 29:54row is that you read aloud a picture book with your child
- 29:57every day for five days in a row.
- 29:59And each day there's like another activity that you do.
- 30:01So there's something that's like a geography.
- 30:03Maybe you find that where that story is on the map.
- 30:06And like on another day, there's a math activity that kind of
- 30:08correlates. It's it's gentle, but it's also
- 30:12school enough that it makes you feel like we're doing something
- 30:15here and kind of lets you test the waters.
- 30:17So that's a recommendation that I give a lot is five in a row.
- 30:20Is that for like a? Five year old or a four year?
- 30:22Old yeah. So there there is like a wide
- 30:25age range there. They have something called
- 30:26before five in a row you can use with like your I think it's
- 30:29three to five year olds and then five in a row, which if I'm
- 30:32remembering correctly is like 5 to 8 year olds.
- 30:34So there's like several different volumes you could use
- 30:36with kids of all those, which is kind of brings us to an
- 30:40interesting thing. You'll see immediately when you
- 30:42start looking at home school resources, which is there are
- 30:45very few resources that are like, this is first grade, this
- 30:48is second grade. That's a very industrial
- 30:51government school way of thinking about education.
- 30:54It's actually not how we thought about education for almost
- 30:57always it's a, it's a, we tend to think, well, what is my child
- 31:00supposed to learn when they're in first grade?
- 31:02But those are moving targets. They're usually set by people
- 31:06whose values don't align with yours, very likely.
- 31:10And what you'll find in the homeschooling world is that
- 31:12there's a lot more wiggle room. You know, when your kids learn
- 31:14about ancient Egypt or when they learn how to read?
- 31:18Actually, there's a really wide range of normal time from the
- 31:22time your child's four until they're eight.
- 31:24That's super normal for them to learn to read in that pocket of
- 31:27time. And do you tell readiness to
- 31:29read just based on interest and like whether it's coming easily
- 31:33to them when you give it a try? I think so.
- 31:35In general, there are a lot more kids that are dyslexic than
- 31:39we've ever known before. And we kind of understood
- 31:41dyslexia incorrectly for a really long time.
- 31:46So if you are trying to teach a six or seven-year old, let's
- 31:49say, how to read and they're really struggling, the
- 31:50likelihood that they're they have a dyslexic brain is really
- 31:54high. And I did an episode with
- 31:57Marianne Sunderland on Read Aloud revival about dyslexia and
- 32:00she really describes how we understand dyslexia is so
- 32:03different than maybe what we've thought for all of this time.
- 32:07Basically I here's like a sort of short version is that a
- 32:10dyslexic brain is not broken. It's not, there's no deficiency
- 32:15there. Really what it means to have a
- 32:17dyslexic brain is that you process language differently and
- 32:20you learn language differently. And most of the resources
- 32:23traditionally that we've used to teach kids how to read are
- 32:26geared toward non dyslexic brains, which is why these
- 32:29dyslexic kids have a hard time learning how to read.
- 32:32So usually I love to recommend homeschoolingwithdyslexia.com
- 32:38for anybody who's thinks maybe my child.
- 32:41I don't know why my child's struggling to read.
- 32:44What is some of the signs just for people listening who aren't
- 32:46familiar of this my child they're struggling generally
- 32:50sure, but what would be some of the signs like hey that might be
- 32:53it might be benefited by dyslexic specific materials to
- 32:56help them in their. Process.
- 32:57The one that really got me, that got my attention for the first
- 33:01time, is difficulty remembering sequences of ideas.
- 33:06So like days of the week, months of the year.
- 33:09One of my kids could not get this.
- 33:11I mean, 1314 years old and I don't think you could have asked
- 33:15that kid, you know, what is tomorrow and they'd be able to
- 33:19tell you. We would sing the days of the
- 33:20week and the months of the year and it was still that whole
- 33:22sequencing of information. A difficulty with that, of
- 33:26course, like backwards letters is what we usually think of
- 33:30past, I think, I think it's about past age 8 that when if
- 33:32they're still writing their letters backwards, that's kind
- 33:35of a clue difficulty learning how to read.
- 33:39What are some of the other ones? There's a whole list I know at
- 33:42homeschoolingwithdyslexia.com that would be helpful there.
- 33:46They may surprise people like, oh, I didn't actually, because
- 33:50some kids who are dyslexic actually learn how to read just
- 33:52fine, especially if they have a strong desire to please their
- 33:56teachers or parents. So if they've got that
- 33:58personality that's leaning toward wanting to please their
- 34:03parent or teacher, they may overcome some of their struggles
- 34:06in order to do that. So it's really helpful though,
- 34:11to identify dyslexia because then you can help your child
- 34:15learn in the way that God made their brain instead of fighting
- 34:18against it. And dyslexia is not something we
- 34:21ever solve. If you have a dyslexic brain,
- 34:23you have it even when you're 50. So it's really useful
- 34:26information to know. It's also hereditary.
- 34:28So if if you or your husband had a hard time learning how to read
- 34:32or think I think I was dyslexic, the likelihood you have a
- 34:35dyslexic child is very high. I think that's the biggest
- 34:39stress is learning how to read because we know that that's so
- 34:42critical and so important for success.
- 34:45What's another resource for that because you mentioned that the
- 34:47what were the first one you mentioned?
- 34:49The five in a row. Five in a row.
- 34:50You mentioned what would be a great resource.
- 34:52For All About Reading, because I think probably the most widely
- 34:56recommended curriculum for kids who are, it's a great learning
- 35:00to read program even for non dyslexic brains.
- 35:03But if your child happens to be dyslexic, it's exactly the way.
- 35:06It's based on what's called the Orton Gillingham method, which
- 35:09is a method that just works really well for dyslexic brains.
- 35:13So there's another one called Logic of English that's also
- 35:15really useful. In general though, I think you
- 35:22don't really need to try to teach your children how to read
- 35:24till they're at least five. So if they really want to learn
- 35:28how to read and they're showing eagerness, there's no harm in
- 35:30doing it younger, but there is harm in doing it younger with a
- 35:33four or five year old if they're not asking for, if they're not
- 35:36ready for it. Something interesting that we
- 35:38know is that kids who learn how to read when they're five and
- 35:41kids who learn how to read when they're seven or eight, and one
- 35:44of mine was nine when he finally learned how to read.
- 35:47They're by the time they're about 12 or 13, they all read at
- 35:50about the same level. So we tend to think they're
- 35:53getting more by learning how to read young.
- 35:56But they're that's not true. And usually we can read aloud to
- 36:01them to fill in a lot of those gaps that we're worried about.
- 36:05And reading aloud has its own sort of superpower qualities.
- 36:11One of those is that it puts grammatically correct,
- 36:14sophisticated language patterns into your child's ear.
- 36:18And when they come in through the ear, they are they are
- 36:21processed in sequence, which is differently than they would if
- 36:25they were reading them off a page.
- 36:26Usually when we read off of with our eyes off of a page, we skip
- 36:29little words, right? We really good readers will read
- 36:34fast. That's why most of us can read
- 36:35silently to ourselves faster than if we were reading aloud.
- 36:39When you're reading aloud, every word is said in sequence, so
- 36:42it's stored in their brain in sequence.
- 36:44And those language patterns will come out again and again later
- 36:47on, when they're writing, when they're speaking, but they have
- 36:51to be stored in there first. So it's so interesting and makes
- 36:55so much sense that to read aloud, like the special quality
- 36:58of reading aloud to one's kids, because I think most parents
- 37:00know it's good to read to your children.
- 37:01Yes, but we also then kind of think as soon as they can read
- 37:05to themselves that is superior to being read to.
- 37:08But that's not actually the case.
- 37:09Interesting. Yeah.
- 37:10So you encourage reading to your kids even when they're 89101112?
- 37:14Yes 131418 So I read a lot with my kids all the way till they're
- 37:17gone to off to college. Then they come home from college
- 37:20and ask me to read to them. It's amazing.
- 37:22I do think I growing up, because we were homeschooled, we did do
- 37:25a lot of reading aloud and my dad especially every night
- 37:28bedtime, we would read sometimes for over an hour and that would
- 37:31be too late. You'd read past bedtime and that
- 37:33would be a source of controversy in the home, but he'd be reading
- 37:35these long, beautiful fiction. I mean, just wonderful, like
- 37:39Lord of the Rings type stuff. And it would be so beautiful to
- 37:43share that time together. And it was a way to bond.
- 37:45But then also you're, you're ingesting all this wonderful
- 37:48literature and it would be multi ages.
- 37:50I mean, it'd be like the five year olds there, the seven, the
- 37:528 year old were there together. So actually, I mean, if I can
- 37:56kind of rewind just a little bit and say even more important
- 38:00than, you know, particular resources like five in a row are
- 38:04all about reading. If someone was to say like, what
- 38:07are the three, what are three things that we should do reading
- 38:10aloud? And it can be anything really
- 38:13anything that you really enjoy reading.
- 38:14So these. Are the top three things you're
- 38:16you're saying these are the top three things that you recommend
- 38:19families who are starting to homeschool do with their kids?
- 38:21Yes. OK.
- 38:22We have a tendency to go, oh, I need a curriculum or a program.
- 38:25The curriculum or program is going to be far less effective
- 38:29than doing these three things. And it would be reading aloud
- 38:32and going outside and having conversations with your kids.
- 38:35Now, you can do all of that in the context of normal family
- 38:38life. You read aloud and then you can,
- 38:40you know, take a a hike or play outside with your kids for a
- 38:42little bit and then you're having a conversation while
- 38:44you're having dinner. This all sounds much too simple.
- 38:47So we usually want to grab something that feels a little
- 38:49more like official schoolie, and that's totally fine.
- 38:52That's why I think something like five in a row, it's useful
- 38:55because it it makes us feel. Like it's more for the parent as
- 38:58a child. It's about reducing our anxiety
- 39:01and more than for the parent than it is necessary for the
- 39:04kids. But all the good stuff happens
- 39:06in reading aloud and practicing your faith life together where
- 39:10they're, you know, going to church together, having
- 39:12conversations, praying before a meal together, making a meal,
- 39:15cleaning up the meal together. All of those things are so much
- 39:19more foundational. I should mention I I kind of
- 39:21forgot about this. I recently did a survey where I
- 39:25asked moms who've been homeschooling for at least 10
- 39:28years what they wish they had done more of and less of.
- 39:33And you know, what is their advice to younger homeschooling
- 39:36moms at 726 moms who've been homeschooling more than 10 years
- 39:39answer, I think it was about 20% of them have been homeschooling
- 39:43more than 20 years. Almost unanimously.
- 39:46It was astounding. They all said I wish we had read
- 39:49aloud more and done less formal. School like even as homeschool
- 39:54families. Yes, yes, Who are probably, I
- 39:56mean, these were people too, who are on my read aloud revival
- 39:58e-mail list. They're already reading aloud,
- 40:00right? They were already reading aloud.
- 40:02They still said, I wish we had read aloud more.
- 40:05And then the thing that they often times said they wish they
- 40:08had done less is worry less or try to stick to a curriculum
- 40:11because we sort of it's a way for us to feel like this is a
- 40:14measure that says I'm doing enough.
- 40:16But again, it's all goes back to that whole.
- 40:20Faith and what would be? Some for for a parent or a
- 40:24aspiring parent, What would be some signs you should look for
- 40:27in your kids to give you confidence that I'm doing this
- 40:31right? Like they're, they're thriving
- 40:33versus they're struggling. Oh, that's a.
- 40:35Really good question. I think as soon as we have kids
- 40:39who don't like to be read to or don't like to read on their own,
- 40:42like they they think of reading as something that they do for
- 40:45school, that's a sign that we maybe want to rethink the way
- 40:50that we're interacting with books.
- 40:52Reading is the like that is how we encounter most of the best
- 40:55ideas from our culture's past and present, and it's also how
- 41:00we communicate in the into the future.
- 41:02So if our kids start having a relationship with reading that
- 41:08feels like it's utilitarian or being done for school, I think
- 41:11that's like a red flag. Maybe let's rethink this.
- 41:14How are we interacting with books?
- 41:17If your kids are having discussions with you and talking
- 41:20to you about things doesn't have to be everything.
- 41:21They don't even have to all be deep conversations.
- 41:24They won't all be deep conversations.
- 41:25Sometimes they'll be Minecraft. But if your kids are still
- 41:28talking with you and, and having these conversations, that is a
- 41:32great indication that the relationships are warm and
- 41:36thriving. And a, a family life where
- 41:39you've got relationships that are warm and thriving are going
- 41:42to lend to more learning. It's going to set up the stage
- 41:45for really good learning to happen.
- 41:47And then I think also it's really easy for us to go, well,
- 41:54I want my 10 year old to be able to achieve like be able to do
- 41:58these things, whether it's like found in a curriculum or in a
- 42:01what you're, you know, second or third grader needs to know what
- 42:05their 4th grade or whatever it is needs to know.
- 42:09But if we were to measure backwards instead of to some
- 42:12fictional idea, I always think it's funny that we do tend to
- 42:15go, I want my child, let's say, to be able to read at this
- 42:19level, 4th grade level and they're in 4th grade.
- 42:23We're basically comparing our actual child that God made right
- 42:26in front of us to an imaginary child that does not exist.
- 42:31When in fact, if we were to measure like, well, are they
- 42:34reading better? Are they learning more?
- 42:36Do they know more? Are they more interested?
- 42:38Are they further along in their math than they were two months
- 42:40ago? Then we're measuring against
- 42:42where they've been and it it's just easier for us to celebrate
- 42:46what they know if we feel good as parents about our
- 42:51relationship with them and the fact that they're making
- 42:53progress. I think, again, it sets this
- 42:55stage for us to keep learning, to keep making progress, to
- 42:59continue learning math and get further along than if we're
- 43:02ruled by this anxiety that my child's not at this particular
- 43:05level. And it's really interesting
- 43:07because those levels change. Again, if we go back to what a,
- 43:11let's say, the expectations for a kindergartner today are often
- 43:17times that they know how to read by the time they're at the end
- 43:19of kindergarten. 20 years ago, that was not the case. 40 years
- 43:23ago was definitely not the case and they were not even starting
- 43:27to teach children how to read in kindergarten.
- 43:29Because I think there's this, there's a narrative that, oh,
- 43:32the school system has watered down education and the standards
- 43:34are too low. But it sounds like you're saying
- 43:36actually the standard is way too high for a little.
- 43:39I think they've been flipped. So here's what I think.
- 43:41I don't know, we're just like this is kind of off the cuff,
- 43:44but like I really feel like we are expecting kids at 5:00 and
- 43:486:00 and 7:00 to be able to read fluently and write full
- 43:51paragraphs by the time they're in second grade, which is not at
- 43:56all what they were expecting. Kids weren't even going to
- 43:58school at 5-6 and 750 years ago and when they were almost all
- 44:02their school was done orally think that's like Laurie Ingalls
- 44:05Wilder. Her school was mostly recitation
- 44:07was reciting things, was memorizing.
- 44:10Instead it's been flipped. So we've like narrowed what we
- 44:14want them to be able to do, like heightened up the the academic
- 44:18requirements when they're younger and by the time they're
- 44:20in high school, I think it's true that our high schoolers
- 44:23that is it is really watered down or it's very.
- 44:27Top heavy, you're saying when they're little it's the
- 44:29standards are too high and the standards maybe are too low and
- 44:32they're older. But do you think part of it too
- 44:34is like the kind of the social and the moral learning, the kind
- 44:38of formative learning for their psychology and their emotions?
- 44:42That's kind of not. They don't really do that in the
- 44:45classroom anyways, and maybe we're neglecting that as a
- 44:48society. So I think what's happened is
- 44:50culturally we have outsourced the like moral and social and
- 44:54emotional education of our children to schools that are run
- 44:57by the government and we're shocked at what's going on when
- 45:01really this responsibility was never going back to like Laura
- 45:05Ingalls Wilder idea. There was no social, political
- 45:10or emotional type education that was happening in those teen
- 45:14years. That was the responsibility of
- 45:15the family. You know, what's interesting is
- 45:17I think we're all homeschoolers in some sense, that we are
- 45:22responsible as the 1st and primary educators of our
- 45:25children. So whether they go to your local
- 45:28public school or whether they go to a private school or whether
- 45:31you homeschool them, it doesn't matter.
- 45:34Oh, it does matter. But I what I mean is you're
- 45:36still responsible as the parent for their education.
- 45:39So it's about, I want to use the word outsourcing.
- 45:44I'm not sure it's the right word, but it's sort of like, I
- 45:47don't grow. I mean, I don't raise my own
- 45:49livestock. I outsource that and we buy our
- 45:51meat, right? Outsourcing is not necessarily a
- 45:54bad thing, but I'm still responsible for the food that I
- 45:56put into my children. In the same way, whether or not
- 45:59or not I'm teaching them at home or I'm sending them to school,
- 46:02I'm responsible for the education of my kids.
- 46:05That still falls on the parent. And so it feels to me like what
- 46:08we've done societally is we put these academic requirements on
- 46:13very young children as a way to make ourselves feel like we're
- 46:17doing something. And then as they get older,
- 46:19these same schools are expected to do the social moral formation
- 46:29of children that used to reside with families.
- 46:31And it's like we've shifted the responsibility away from the
- 46:35family into schools and were surprised at the results that
- 46:40we're getting. That's so well said.
- 46:42That's such a good point. I mean, I think about even the
- 46:44idea of sex education in a classroom, like you learn about
- 46:47sex in a classroom from some teacher and said about the
- 46:51morality around relationships and sex because sex is meant for
- 46:55relationship in relationship of marriage.
- 46:57And there's a whole world of, you know, psych, psychological,
- 47:00emotional learning around what that even means and why that
- 47:02matters. You can't do that and you
- 47:04shouldn't do that. You know, at 11 years old in a
- 47:06classroom with some random teacher.
- 47:07With a random teacher, with a whole bunch of other children
- 47:09who are the same age and at the same level.
- 47:12I mean, this idea that we expect our kids to be well socialized
- 47:16by spending most of the time with kids who are at the same
- 47:18emotional maturity as they are is kind of ludicrous, right?
- 47:23It never happens again in. Like why?
- 47:26Why is it? Why is it ludicrous?
- 47:27Because they're the only time that we are ever in the in a
- 47:31capacity where we are in the same environment as a whole
- 47:34bunch of other people are exact age learning the same thing is
- 47:37in a fabricated school experience.
- 47:40So that never happens again. You never in your life out after
- 47:43you graduate from high school, work in an environment where
- 47:46everyone else is your exact same age doing the exact same thing
- 47:50and supposed to be meeting the exact same standards.
- 47:53It's just in school. And then we sort of go, well,
- 47:57when we talk about homeschooling, we'll say, well,
- 48:00are they socially? Are they socialized enough as
- 48:05homeschoolers? Yes, but they're actually
- 48:07socializing with a family number one, that's a variety of
- 48:10different ages and personalities.
- 48:12We all know this, right? And then in our home school I
- 48:15would find is we'd go to a homeschool coop.
- 48:17We always have been a part of a coop and there's families with
- 48:21all different ages and types of families and like just different
- 48:26people who live different, you know, like they're encountering
- 48:28people who are not just all their own age.
- 48:31And then you go to the grocery store and you're encountering
- 48:33people and then you go to the farmers market and you're
- 48:35encountering different people. And then you take, it's just the
- 48:37world is much more diverse than a classroom.
- 48:40Why is that so? Important for kids to be spend a
- 48:43lot of their time I would say maybe inter generally,
- 48:46generationally or with different age kids and adults and have you
- 48:50know be doing kind of normal life things with them.
- 48:53Why is that so important? I mean, part of me is like,
- 48:55because it's it's life, it's community, it's how the world
- 49:00works. The only time that they're not
- 49:01doing it is if if we simulate a school experience, right?
- 49:05But even if we just kind of go back and go, well, how did they
- 49:08used to do school again? I'm keep going back to Laura
- 49:11Ingalls Wilder, but it could be a whole different range of
- 49:14educational experiences. But the one room schoolhouses
- 49:17had a wide range of students, maybe 40-50 students who were
- 49:22from kindergarten. I don't think they did
- 49:23kindergarten back then, but like six years old to maybe 14 all in
- 49:28the same room with a teacher. So they're all interacting with
- 49:32kids of different ages. Again, this is so much better
- 49:34preparation for life after school when you're going to be
- 49:38interacting with different ages. And I wonder how much of our
- 49:46cultures inability to value elders and take care of like how
- 49:52uncomfortable so many of us are sitting in the presence or
- 49:56having a long conversation with somebody who's a lot older than
- 49:59us is because our culture says socially you should be
- 50:02interacting with mostly people the same age as you and.
- 50:04Almost teach us some sort of ageism, like age discrimination,
- 50:07Like I can't really hang out with you or learn from you or do
- 50:11life with you because you're too old or too young.
- 50:13Yes. And that's one of the things
- 50:14I've noticed in our homeschool groups is that there isn't that
- 50:18same kind of, I can't play with you because you're 2 grades
- 50:21younger than me, But that is something that I remember from
- 50:24school myself. You know, you were, you didn't
- 50:27hang out with people who weren't in your grade because they
- 50:29weren't in your grade. It's it's kind of weird.
- 50:32And when we think about it, we all think about it as it's the
- 50:35normal default. I think I shouldn't say we all.
- 50:37I think the tendency, though, is for us to think of traditional
- 50:44public school experience as the normal way of education, and
- 50:47anything we do differently than that is a deviation from normal.
- 50:51But I wonder why we do that, because culturally,
- 50:55historically, people have lived in community
- 50:58intergenerationally, we still do as soon as we finish school.
- 51:02So maybe that should be the norm and maybe it should be the
- 51:05deviation from the norm to say, I'm going to put my kid in a
- 51:08classroom where they're all the same age and there's benefits to
- 51:10that too. It's just, I just think it's
- 51:13interesting that we kind of think of it as the default.
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- 51:57your order. So I think some people
- 51:59listening, and I know I've heard this and talking with people
- 52:02over the years about homeschooling, there's this
- 52:04concern that if I homeschool, and we kind of touched on this,
- 52:08but I want to deep dive it more. If I homeschool, I might miss
- 52:11the boat on something really crucial.
- 52:13Like I won't give that child the opportunity for this sort of
- 52:16music or I won't give the child enough of an opportunity to
- 52:20learn science because that's not my strong student.
- 52:22We're doing a lot of reading, but you know, the like hard,
- 52:25some of these hard sciences like STEM and maybe my child, if they
- 52:28had had those opportunities, would have had a very different
- 52:31life trajectory because they're living the life, living out
- 52:34their their God-given talents and aptitudes.
- 52:37And I think about, you know, these prodigies, right?
- 52:39And they were like Beethoven as an example, right?
- 52:42But he was exposed to music at a very young age and given the
- 52:45opportunity to learn music and be trained by a classical
- 52:49pianist at a very young age. And that was essential to his
- 52:52development as a musician. Right?
- 52:54And so you think about something like that and you're like, oh,
- 52:56shoot, it's a lot of burden on the parent.
- 52:57Like, I don't want to miss the boat on my child's talents and
- 53:00aptitudes that are God-given. And my hope is that if they're
- 53:03in a really great school, then they'll have enough exposure to
- 53:06these different ways of learning, you know, different
- 53:10expertises from different teachers that there's the best
- 53:14option of them getting what they need.
- 53:17Yeah, I think that's a valid argument.
- 53:19But I also think it could be said exactly the opposite, that
- 53:23what might your child be missing by having that experience
- 53:26instead of this close family relationship that is available
- 53:29there or the time. One of my daughter's is in art
- 53:33school now and she she didn't have any formal art training.
- 53:41She didn't go to a school where they had a lot of art teachers
- 53:43or anything. She did a lot of like we would
- 53:46look up YouTube tutorials on art and she would do a lot of
- 53:49self-taught astounds us with her art now.
- 53:53I was just sharing with a friend.
- 53:56I was just sharing a picture she did the other day.
- 53:58My husband and I went for a walk after dinner and we came.
- 54:00She asked if we had sidewalk chalk laying around, and we did.
- 54:04And so we said, yeah, it's in the garage.
- 54:05And then we went on our walk. Come back like 35 minutes later,
- 54:08and there is this gorgeous portrait.
- 54:09I'll have to show it to you when we're off here.
- 54:11This gorgeous portrait of Van Gogh that she did on the
- 54:14sidewalk that doesn't actually look like it's possible to make
- 54:16with chalk. It's a little bit astounding.
- 54:18She didn't have any formal training in all of this type,
- 54:20but what she did have is time. And that's one of the things
- 54:24that I think homeschooling affords that school day often
- 54:27doesn't. I know Laura Berquist from
- 54:30Mother of Divine Grace curriculum talks about how her
- 54:34kids suddenly had a lot more time for reading when they left
- 54:37school and were homeschooled. So I think there's like the flip
- 54:40side again, there's positives and negatives to any way that
- 54:44you decide to home educate or I mean, decide to educate your
- 54:47children, whether it be at home or somewhere else.
- 54:49The other thing though that I think trips up a lot of a lot of
- 54:54moms, especially early on, is they think like me.
- 54:57I am not super mathematical and so the idea of teaching my kids
- 55:02like algebra, let alone calculus or something that's not, I guess
- 55:06I can't homeschool. Well, actually there are a lot
- 55:08of resources available that. Was going to be my next
- 55:11question. What about math and science?
- 55:13Yeah, and what about like science experiments?
- 55:15Yes, OK. So.
- 55:16We like dissecting the baby pig like that.
- 55:19Totally. Right.
- 55:20And I was homeschooled and we had, you know, somehow through
- 55:23the coop, they managed to do some of those things.
- 55:25But we ended up doing junior college classes as like young
- 55:29teens. I was like 12 years old in my
- 55:31first junior college class. So we kind of did what we, my
- 55:34parents did what they did. That was kind of like this, put
- 55:36it together and it was awesome. I, I loved my education, but
- 55:40maybe someone listening is like, OK, I want them to have that.
- 55:43Yes, but how do we do that? Well, so the way we've always
- 55:45done it in our family is we're, we are a part of a homeschool
- 55:49Co-op. It's not like a formal group or
- 55:52anything. It's just our own local like
- 55:53there's about 40 families in it. They always do their high school
- 55:58science classes there because you can form a group with What
- 56:03you'll find when you form a group with other homeschoolers
- 56:06is there are some of you who are really into literature and like
- 56:09I always teach the Shakespeare class at our hoop, but somebody
- 56:12else is going to teach science. And I want someone else to teach
- 56:14them science because I want their mind and imagination to be
- 56:19enlivened. And I just don't bring that to
- 56:21science or math. Definitely so, but somebody else
- 56:23could. So there's usually resources
- 56:25like that. There are online classes they
- 56:27could take. My high schoolers, my three
- 56:29oldest, all did dual enrollment, which is like a running start
- 56:32kind of program. I know it's called different
- 56:34things, different places where we're at.
- 56:37We could do it through for free through our Community College,
- 56:40junior college. This the program that we did was
- 56:43actually through a local Christian university and credit
- 56:47tuition was a fraction like a 10th of what it is for a regular
- 56:52undergrad student. And what that did in their
- 56:54junior and senior year is gave them a chance to try out
- 56:57college, see how it went. Every time I was like, I hope I
- 57:01prepared them well for this. Every time they were did
- 57:04amazingly well. Even the kids who just weren't
- 57:08super academically inclined and I wasn't sure how that would go
- 57:11did great because in a homeschool environment there is
- 57:15more. This kind of goes back to like
- 57:18feeling like you're not enough. Is that what I realized?
- 57:22My 20 year old told me she was surprised when she went to
- 57:25college how much better she is at managing her time and
- 57:28workload than most of her peers. And she's like, I just don't,
- 57:31you know, I don't know why that is.
- 57:33And I thought I know why it is because I was so busy with
- 57:36babies, I didn't have time to do it for you.
- 57:39So you kind of learned a lot of those skills.
- 57:42One of the things that I would have said was a deficit is that
- 57:44I didn't really help you or wasn't as hands on of the of the
- 57:48home schooler as I would have liked in those early years
- 57:51because of the demands on my time and attention.
- 57:54And that ended up being something that helped her in the
- 57:57end. And that's, those are the kinds
- 57:59of things we can't really see when we're in it.
- 58:03There was like going with that dual enrollment I think is a
- 58:06really great option, or doing junior college classes because
- 58:11it does give kids a chance to meet other professors or
- 58:16instructors, getting used to different teaching style.
- 58:19Get a feel for what it's like to take college classes before
- 58:22while they're still in your home, so they can still run
- 58:24things by you and ask you for help editing that paper or
- 58:28manage their workload. How does homeschooling work for
- 58:32families that have a lot of work?
- 58:34So the maybe the dad's job is really demanding, the mom is
- 58:37working part time or even full time.
- 58:39Is it possible? What does it even look like?
- 58:42It's possible. I know families who do it.
- 58:43I think it takes a little bit of reimagining what school needs to
- 58:48look like. So for some of these families
- 58:50that I know, they'll do some of their school in the evenings
- 58:53instead of during the daytime. If their parents are working day
- 58:56jobs. For some of them, they bring in.
- 58:58What do they? Do they have their child with a
- 59:00nanny or they're working for them and trading off?
- 59:02Yes. So like with a nanny or child
- 59:04care during the day and then in the evening they'll still do
- 59:06some school work. That's one family I know,
- 59:09another family that I know there, she works remote from
- 59:13home but has arranged with her employer to work off hours.
- 59:16So it's like they do a lot of toggling in my home.
- 59:19I work and my husband. So I work in the morning.
- 59:22I will do like language arts with our kids.
- 59:24So we're just homeschooling 3 left now right at two 10s and at
- 59:2712. And we combine them for as many
- 59:29things as possible. So that's a really good tip if
- 59:32you have a bunch of kids too, is to combine whenever you can,
- 59:35which is usually for everything except for like reading and
- 59:38math, science and history. Those are things that are really
- 59:41easy to combine them for. So I'll do language arts with
- 59:44all three of them for the first hour and a half of the day and
- 59:48then I pass them over my husband and he does like math and
- 59:50science, helps them with their coop homework.
- 59:52And I go to work and then in the evenings we kind of do come back
- 59:56and we do another read aloud and it just doesn't fit into like a
- 1:00:00little tidy school day. I think if you're juggling,
- 1:00:03especially if mom is working, I think it won't look like a nine
- 1:00:07to three school day. It won't maybe look traditional.
- 1:00:10Does it need to be six hours of school?
- 1:00:12I think that's another question a lot of people have, like how
- 1:00:14many hours per day? As a homeschool parent, should I
- 1:00:17be homeschooling my 6 year old? My 7 year old?
- 1:00:20My 8 year old. I'm so glad you asked this.
- 1:00:22This is one of the questions I get most often when I speak at
- 1:00:24home school conferences. And I always like to say if you
- 1:00:27have an 8 or under, you can do all of your school in about an
- 1:00:31hour to an hour and a half a day.
- 1:00:32Now, can you do it all at once? Probably not if you have
- 1:00:35toddlers and babies because they'll interrupt 40 times.
- 1:00:38But when it comes to like you could do 20 minutes of reading
- 1:00:42aloud, 20 minutes of reading instruction, 20 minutes of math
- 1:00:48space those out however you need to based on your own life
- 1:00:50circumstances and the baby's nap and your work schedule and all
- 1:00:53the different things. But for the most part, the going
- 1:01:00back to that survey where I'd asked experienced homeschooling
- 1:01:02moms what they wish they had done more of and less of.
- 1:01:05So often what I heard is I wish I just focused more on this
- 1:01:09basic skills of like reading, writing, math, like just those
- 1:01:12three are kind of like, and then lots of time to enjoy each other
- 1:01:17and just live life and less time trying to do all this other
- 1:01:20formal stuff. So if you think about that, when
- 1:01:23I homeschool my kids in general, up till the time they're eight
- 1:01:28or so, we're doing homeschool for about an hour, hour and a
- 1:01:32half a day. At this point with my 10s and 12
- 1:01:35year old, I would say we do school for two to three hours a
- 1:01:40day formal school. Like if you're like sitting at
- 1:01:42a. That's crazy because in the the
- 1:01:44school system that's like 678 hours, right?
- 1:01:47So much of that time is wasted. So much of that time is standing
- 1:01:49in lines group, making this group go to that group.
- 1:01:52Classroom expectations, discipline or your child sitting
- 1:01:56there learning something that they already know because
- 1:01:58there's they're trying. The teachers have, you know,
- 1:02:0020-30 students that they're trying to teach, and all these
- 1:02:03kids are at different levels. So one thing to keep in mind is
- 1:02:06that if you're teaching your child one-on-one, you just teach
- 1:02:09them exactly what they need to know.
- 1:02:10They don't have to sit through anything they either don't know
- 1:02:12or things that they're not ready for yet, but they're completely
- 1:02:15lost and bored during. Because a lot of times in
- 1:02:18classrooms, that's where behavior issues come up, right,
- 1:02:20is when kids are bored because either they already know it or
- 1:02:23they're lost because they didn't learn the four things before
- 1:02:26that and the teacher had to keep moving on.
- 1:02:28So if you're just teaching your child one-on-one, it just
- 1:02:30doesn't need to take so long. Everylife.com is America's
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- 1:03:05It's everylife.com. Use the code Lila Check out for
- 1:03:0810% off your order. So what you mentioned reading,
- 1:03:12writing and math and they said maybe when they're, you know,
- 1:03:165678, you can do an hour to an hour and a half depending on how
- 1:03:20they're interested and how what their aptitude is.
- 1:03:22I think I've got good tips so far on the reading.
- 1:03:25OK, what about writing resources for writing?
- 1:03:29And then what about resources for math?
- 1:03:31Like you, I'm not like a math person.
- 1:03:33I mean, I can do it. I actually enjoyed it at certain
- 1:03:35points in high school and but it's not something I do choose
- 1:03:39to do any given day. Right, So what would be a good?
- 1:03:41Resource for people listening who want to explore resources or
- 1:03:44need them now for specifically writing and for math.
- 1:03:48OK, let's start with math. That one is there are lots of
- 1:03:52great homeschool math programs. My, what I always say is what I
- 1:03:56wish I had done and what I hear from a lot of other experienced
- 1:04:00homeschool moms is just to pick one and just stick with it.
- 1:04:03Go at the pace that your child's ready for.
- 1:04:05So don't feel like you have to get through a math book a year,
- 1:04:08but if you jump from 1 curriculum to the other, that's
- 1:04:11where we get into weird gaps and like, oh, we missed this
- 1:04:14entirely or we're there can be a little bit of that.
- 1:04:16If your child's crying over their math everyday, you know,
- 1:04:18maybe find a different program. It doesn't need to be like that.
- 1:04:22A lot of the time though, it's not actually the program, it's
- 1:04:24the pace. It's that that we want them to
- 1:04:27go at a certain pace and learning doesn't ever happen in
- 1:04:30a straight line. It's like you, it's just wiggly,
- 1:04:34you know, 2 steps forward, one step back, 2 steps forward, 1/2
- 1:04:37step back. And then we all know this.
- 1:04:39This is how humans have always learned.
- 1:04:41It's never like I know 10% more today than yesterday.
- 1:04:44And that keeps going at an equal pace.
- 1:04:47So I think watching your child, I usually like to do time rather
- 1:04:51than an amount of content. So we'll spend 20 minutes on
- 1:04:54math and we'll get as far as we can and then I'll put a post it
- 1:04:57in there. We stop, we're done for the day.
- 1:05:00And what you'll find is some days you can cover a lot of
- 1:05:02material in those 20 minutes or they just get it.
- 1:05:05I mean, they're having a better day.
- 1:05:07And then other days it's like they knew this yesterday and
- 1:05:09there's and that's all just completely normal.
- 1:05:11It's how we all learn, right? So I think scheduling an amount
- 1:05:15of time is helpful. A lot of homeschoolers use
- 1:05:18Saxon. That's what my kids use.
- 1:05:20There is a great resource called, I think it's Nicole the
- 1:05:23math lady, I think is the she will do video lessons using the
- 1:05:28Saxon books, which are sort of the old classic standby for a
- 1:05:31lot of homeschool families doing math.
- 1:05:33There's also a resource called Mr. D Math and he has online
- 1:05:40classes and my oldest daughter did one through him and just
- 1:05:43loved it. His teachers are very dynamic,
- 1:05:46explains things in several different ways if they get
- 1:05:49stuck, especially for older kids like middle school and high
- 1:05:51school. That's a great resource.
- 1:05:55And then another one, I'll name one other one that a lot of
- 1:05:58homeschool families really like is called Matthew C Matthew like
- 1:06:01the letter U and then C. And again, if you were to swap
- 1:06:06between like Saxon and math, you see you're going to lose stuff
- 1:06:09because they approach math very, each of them approach it very
- 1:06:12differently. One is a spiral approach, the
- 1:06:15other one's a mastery approach. It's just a little bit.
- 1:06:16They just do it differently. But I think any of them that you
- 1:06:20choose, if you were just to stick with the same math program
- 1:06:24and do it at a reasonable pace for your child, you're going to
- 1:06:26be in good shape for writing. I have.
- 1:06:33I could talk about this all day because writing is so it's my
- 1:06:36thing and it's my favorite thing to teach.
- 1:06:39I don't teach any original writing until my kids are at
- 1:06:43least 10, probably 12. So if we go back to like how
- 1:06:47Thomas Jefferson learned to write, for example, he learned
- 1:06:51to write by copying masters, like copying people who were
- 1:06:57writing before him. And when you say that, you mean
- 1:06:59in the physical writing or you mean in the content of the
- 1:07:03writing? Both.
- 1:07:04OK, so there is something in the homeschool land that we call
- 1:07:09copy work and it really is just copying a sentence exactly how
- 1:07:12it's written. So you could open up, let's say
- 1:07:14Charlotte's Web, and you take the first sentence and on your
- 1:07:17notebook paper you write down exactly the first sentence,
- 1:07:22exactly as it is, with the punctuation Marks and the proper
- 1:07:26capitalization and spelling, and that's it.
- 1:07:28And then the next day they open it again and they make the next
- 1:07:30sentence. Doing that for a couple of years
- 1:07:34is an astounding writing practice.
- 1:07:37They learn all kinds of grammar and usage rules just by copying
- 1:07:41what's accurate. What they're doing is they're
- 1:07:43getting those language patterns like this is what good writing
- 1:07:46looks like, sounds like, feels like, and this is how these
- 1:07:50punctuation marks work and without having to do a workbook.
- 1:07:53So a copy work is extremely powerful.
- 1:07:57I, I skipped a step though, because before they're ready for
- 1:07:59copy work, they just need to learn how to form letters.
- 1:08:02The, the act of writing, the physical act of writing is a
- 1:08:06very different skill and process than writing, let's say a report
- 1:08:12on the Nile River. Like with there's so many
- 1:08:16different pieces there, you're thinking about what you can say
- 1:08:19and organizing what you're going to say and then saying it well.
- 1:08:22But even before you can do any of that, you have to learn how
- 1:08:24you have to make the actual physical act of writing easy.
- 1:08:27So generally in my home school, I would start with handwriting
- 1:08:32and maybe when once they were about 5 and they would just, I
- 1:08:35just get a handwriting book, any handwriting book is fine.
- 1:08:38And they would just learn, do practice handwriting and tell
- 1:08:42handwriting is easy. Once handwriting forming letters
- 1:08:45is easy. Then I would move them into copy
- 1:08:47work and have them just copying a sentence out of a good book.
- 1:08:50How much does it matter the actual way that they write?
- 1:08:54Actually, I think I wish that's something I I think it kind of
- 1:08:56matters a lot. Meaning like there's a certain
- 1:08:59form yes, that everyone should follow for how to form the.
- 1:09:03Letter G you know you know whether you start at the top or
- 1:09:06the bottom of the letter. The reason it matters is because
- 1:09:09one way is far more efficient than the other.
- 1:09:11And even though you hold your pencil, yeah, it's all muscle
- 1:09:13memory. And it's really hard to fix that
- 1:09:16if they're, I know this because my oldest three, I didn't take
- 1:09:19very good care with this. And getting them to write
- 1:09:22legibly and easily and quickly when they were older was much
- 1:09:27harder. There is a very, pretty strong
- 1:09:29case for starting with cursive instead of starting with
- 1:09:32printing. And the mindset behind it is
- 1:09:35basically that it's hard to form letters incorrectly in cursive
- 1:09:38because you always start at the right place because they're all
- 1:09:41connected. There's a few other arguments to
- 1:09:44it, that's just one of them. But I will say I prioritized how
- 1:09:47they wrote their letters more with my next three kids and I'm
- 1:09:52very glad I so should. Parents, you know, I, I think
- 1:09:55about, we have like a 2 1/2 year old, right?
- 1:09:56And he's sometimes just scribbling alongside his Big
- 1:09:58Brother, right? Should parents actually
- 1:10:00discourage their children to try to mimic writing words unless
- 1:10:05they are training them exactly how to do them in the correct
- 1:10:07way? Or just so it's OK, I think it's
- 1:10:09totally OK. And then once they're five or
- 1:10:11six, once they're about 5 and then and they're doing like a
- 1:10:15workbook, the workbook's going to take them through like this
- 1:10:18is how you should do your letter A.
- 1:10:19And that's when I think I would go, let's make sure we always
- 1:10:22start at the top if it's a capital letter A that kind of
- 1:10:24thing. But I wouldn't worry about it
- 1:10:27before then at all. What would be your advice to
- 1:10:30especially single people listening who are really
- 1:10:33interested in homeschooling and feel a call to it?
- 1:10:35Maybe they'll make their final decision once they actually have
- 1:10:37kids, right? And like get to know their kids
- 1:10:39and figure out where they're living and all these things.
- 1:10:41But and they're wanting to prepare for that both and how
- 1:10:45they date and try to select A spouse and also in just the way
- 1:10:49they're setting up their own careers in work life, that would
- 1:10:53be your recommendation. Such a good question.
- 1:10:55I've never been asked that before.
- 1:10:59I think my first thought then I'm like, that's not true.
- 1:11:07That wouldn't have been true for my husband.
- 1:11:09So I'm like trying to think because, you know, my first
- 1:11:11thought was like when you're dating, when you're having those
- 1:11:14conversations, you know, marry somebody who's ignited by like
- 1:11:19ideas and thoughts and reading. But I don't know, my husband and
- 1:11:22my dating relationship wasn't formed by that kind of
- 1:11:25intellectual like that, that kind of intellectual, that kind
- 1:11:28of came later. So what is it?
- 1:11:32I don't know. I guess part of what I think I
- 1:11:35really feel so strongly that the key to a successful homeschool
- 1:11:39is peaceful content homeschooling mother.
- 1:11:42If the mother's doing most of the homeschooling, I should say,
- 1:11:44then I think her just being relaxed and enjoyable and being
- 1:11:47excited about things like, oh, let's learn about this.
- 1:11:50That goes so much further than any particular curriculum or
- 1:11:53any, any particular skill set. So I guess I would feel like
- 1:11:58prioritizing your own intellectual life.
- 1:12:00Like what am I? What do I want to learn about
- 1:12:02that? I don't know anything about that
- 1:12:04kind of curiosity. There's a that's such.
- 1:12:08AI just want to pause that for a moment and hold that thought for
- 1:12:11a minute because it's such a great, But what you just said,
- 1:12:14it's so great because I think there's maybe a misunderstanding
- 1:12:16about homeschooling that it's boring.
- 1:12:18Oh, OK. Yeah.
- 1:12:21And you're saying, actually the recommendation you're giving to
- 1:12:23like people who are even like, not married yet and not even
- 1:12:26able to homeschool, they don't have the kids yet, is develop
- 1:12:29your own intellectual life. Yeah, I'm trying to remember who
- 1:12:32said this. It's like a it's a poet and I
- 1:12:35can't remember who it was. Now Keats maybe said something
- 1:12:39like education is not the filling of a pail, but the
- 1:12:41lighting of a fire. And it feels like if we were to
- 1:12:45approach homeschooling in a way that was like, there is this
- 1:12:48content that I need to get into my child's brain that's super
- 1:12:51boring. It's not an exciting, I don't
- 1:12:53think. But if we were to approach it
- 1:12:55more like if you imagine going to a beach and like combing and
- 1:12:58looking for seashells or something and you pick one up
- 1:13:00and go, Oh my goodness, look what I see.
- 1:13:02Look what I look what I found. Like if we were to approach
- 1:13:06learning in that way, whether it's reading a book with our
- 1:13:09kids or it's a new math concept or it's something in history or
- 1:13:13science, and we could approach it in a way that's like, let's
- 1:13:16find out about this together, or look what I just found out.
- 1:13:20It's like it opens up a completely different way of
- 1:13:23learning. There's a book that ignited my
- 1:13:26initial love of homeschooling. It's called For the Children's
- 1:13:30Sake. It's an old book by Susan
- 1:13:33Shaffer McCauley and it is a book that to me really ignited
- 1:13:37that sense of wonder and excitement.
- 1:13:40I think it gave me a new idea of education that I didn't have
- 1:13:44with my own public schooled education like it.
- 1:13:47To me it was always about what it was what does this teacher
- 1:13:50want me to know? How can I get a good grade?
- 1:13:53What is, how do I fulfil their requirements?
- 1:13:56And it kind of opened up this idea of learning as exploring up
- 1:14:03to me at that point, unexplored territory, not to the world, but
- 1:14:06to me, because I hadn't learnt any of those things.
- 1:14:09That kind of invitation to wonder feels to me a lot more
- 1:14:12exciting. I love that.
- 1:14:14And it also, you know, I think there's sort of this narrative,
- 1:14:17I would say about women in particular, who are younger
- 1:14:22women who are like going to college, they're getting their
- 1:14:24masters, they're like getting very highly educated.
- 1:14:26I know there's also a distinction between formal
- 1:14:28education and then just like exploration, you know, learning
- 1:14:31and you can, you can become, I think as educated as a PhD on
- 1:14:36your own, yes, and maybe better depending on, you know, what the
- 1:14:39school is and everything else. So not to say formal education
- 1:14:41is the only way to do this, but it is one way.
- 1:14:44And I think sometimes it's like, well, and then you go, then you,
- 1:14:46you know, get married, you have kids and you become a stay at
- 1:14:48home mom and you, oh, you get home school and it was all for
- 1:14:50nothing like you, you, you, you could have used this in some
- 1:14:53career basically as opposed to. As though anything you could do
- 1:14:57in your career would be more valuable than informing this
- 1:15:00next generation, right? Pouring into these souls.
- 1:15:03To me it always felt that seems such an interesting dichotomy.
- 1:15:06Because I have six children. I have the opportunity to ignite
- 1:15:096 humans to go out into the world and to be salt and light
- 1:15:12and to. That's amazing.
- 1:15:14No, no teacher has the ability to do that to the same degree as
- 1:15:18a parent does with their own children.
- 1:15:20Because anybody could be my kids teacher, but only I can be their
- 1:15:23mother. And so to me, it feels like
- 1:15:25whenever we pour into the mother, whether she's
- 1:15:29homeschooling or not, and ignite her about something that's
- 1:15:32interesting. I mean, I know that when I'm
- 1:15:34really interested and excited about something and I'm reading
- 1:15:37a bunch of books about it or what, looking up YouTube videos
- 1:15:39about it or I, you know, whatever it is that I'm trying
- 1:15:42to learn, my kids are really curious about that thing because
- 1:15:46it's like what captured the attention of my mom.
- 1:15:48This is so interesting. We have that opportunity.
- 1:15:52Not that, not that we do it every day, not that it feels
- 1:15:55like that every day. There's a lot of days in
- 1:15:57homeschooling that just feel like punching the clock, kind of
- 1:16:01just doing what needs to be done.
- 1:16:03The next step, especially when you're sleep deprived and taking
- 1:16:06care of a lot of babies, it can feel that way.
- 1:16:08But I also think you don't really know the impact those
- 1:16:13daily. That was like potidian dailiness
- 1:16:17is having on your kids until later when you can look back and
- 1:16:19go, oh, you know what we did there?
- 1:16:21It was kind of magical. And it's so countercultural.
- 1:16:24It's so different than the way the world operates.
- 1:16:26And I think more and more people though are interested in it and
- 1:16:29waking up to it. What are some good associations
- 1:16:32or community groups that you recommend people join?
- 1:16:35Or maybe even they can start if there isn't something local to
- 1:16:38them. One is if you are wondering what
- 1:16:41are the legal requirements for my state, which is good to start
- 1:16:45with and understand. HSLDAS website will definitely
- 1:16:50direct you toward like what do you have to do?
- 1:16:54I should point this out too. They're a great resource to go
- 1:16:57to as far as helping you understand what the requirements
- 1:17:00are in your state, which may look a little different than if
- 1:17:02you were just to go to your state's website.
- 1:17:05Sometimes the wording on like let's say the public schools
- 1:17:09systems website on what you're you have to do as a homeschooler
- 1:17:13isn't, is a little misleading. So I always like to start with
- 1:17:16HSLDA, like what do I have to do in the state of Washington, the
- 1:17:18state of Texas, the. State of the Homeschool Legal
- 1:17:20Defense Association. Exactly.
- 1:17:22Yes. Locally, I love being a part of
- 1:17:26a homeschool Co-op. I think there's nothing quite
- 1:17:28like real and especially today's day and age that's so online
- 1:17:32that we're all so plugged in having like real flesh and blood
- 1:17:35homeschoolers around you, real people that you can call your
- 1:17:40community. So there are probably, there's
- 1:17:43probably are homeschool groups wherever you are in the world
- 1:17:47because they they exist just about everywhere.
- 1:17:50Finding them can be a little tricky.
- 1:17:52So you want to start asking a lot of times if you ask at your
- 1:17:54local church, like do you know of any homeschoolers that will
- 1:17:58start sort of the domino effect of being able to find somebody?
- 1:18:01And if there isn't one or if there isn't one that feels like
- 1:18:03a good fit for you, I have noticed I've never been one that
- 1:18:07has started a lot of groups. I've usually joined one that's
- 1:18:10already in going, but I have several friends who will just
- 1:18:15start locally with like another one other family that's not
- 1:18:19going to put their kids in kindergarten.
- 1:18:20Let's just get together once a week and do something together.
- 1:18:23Doesn't have to be super formal, doesn't have to be an official
- 1:18:27Co-op, but something where you're just connected.
- 1:18:30It was really important to my kids, still is, for them to have
- 1:18:34friends who are also homeschooling.
- 1:18:37I remember we switched co-ops when my oldest went into high
- 1:18:40school grade years because at our first Co-op, most of those
- 1:18:43kids were going into public school for high school.
- 1:18:45Totally fine. That's just not what we are
- 1:18:47doing. And I wanted her to have
- 1:18:49homeschooled friends and it was worth.
- 1:18:51We started driving about 40 minutes to a homeschool group
- 1:18:53because I which is not that far depending on where you live, but
- 1:18:56for us I was like 40 minutes. It was worth it.
- 1:19:00It was worth connecting, giving her those friendships that have
- 1:19:05lasted. Did did you guys do homeschool
- 1:19:09debate we ever? Did.
- 1:19:11I just have to do a shout out for homeschool debate because
- 1:19:14that was hugely influential and fun and and they had speech too.
- 1:19:19So you did like speech competitions.
- 1:19:20Did you do it? I did it.
- 1:19:21Of course you did. Yeah.
- 1:19:22I was like I. Loved it and a lot of kids like
- 1:19:25would be scared at first and then get into it and just love
- 1:19:27it. Obviously if your kids hates it,
- 1:19:28don't make them. I wouldn't say make necessarily
- 1:19:29make them do it. But what it afforded us was just
- 1:19:32community and competition in a fun way.
- 1:19:34But learning rhetoric, research, writing, critical thinking.
- 1:19:38You know your cross examination, you're learning logic, you're
- 1:19:41learning so many things. Do you feel like?
- 1:19:43Presentation skills. Confidence.
- 1:19:45How much of that do you think has helped you with live action?
- 1:19:481000% more than my UCLA degree, more than most anything else I
- 1:19:53learned besides reading. OK and just the school of virtue
- 1:19:56of living in a in a big family. I would say homeschool debate
- 1:20:00was hugely helpful and I love. That even that phrasing of
- 1:20:04school virtue in the big family or school virtue in a, in a
- 1:20:07homeschooling family, even if you don't have a big family, I
- 1:20:09think it's a, that's something that they, that's, I love that
- 1:20:14phrasing. It feels like there's so much we
- 1:20:16can dig into there. Well, that was going to be.
- 1:20:18There's so much more I'm sure we could talk about.
- 1:20:20So we have to do this again. But with the time we have left,
- 1:20:22I wanted to ask you just about family culture because I feel
- 1:20:26like so much of what you're saying comes back to the mom and
- 1:20:29the dad and the marriage, quite frankly.
- 1:20:32And you said something really interesting earlier about really
- 1:20:34so much of this depends on the peace and the joy of the mom.
- 1:20:39Yeah. And yeah.
- 1:20:41And you would want the dad to to have that as well.
- 1:20:43So what would be some tips for you that you would give those
- 1:20:47listening to cultivate that? Because maybe they're feeling
- 1:20:52like I would like to do this, but I don't feel like I can do
- 1:20:54this because on an emotional kind of psychological bandwidth,
- 1:20:58I don't feel up to the task. And so putting them in school so
- 1:21:02that I can at least do some self-care, even maybe they're
- 1:21:04thinking that. Yeah, well.
- 1:21:08One big question, I know. Yeah.
- 1:21:09One of the things that comes to mind for me right away is that
- 1:21:12early on I said I read like way too much.
- 1:21:14Really. I read too much philosophy of
- 1:21:16education kind of stuff 'cause it's just my personality type to
- 1:21:19like read everything I can get my hands on when I get excited
- 1:21:21about something. And to the point where I was
- 1:21:24sort of ignoring the children that were in front of me and
- 1:21:26idealizing this, like this Charlotte Mason kind of
- 1:21:29education or classical education or whatever it was.
- 1:21:32And it changed what one of the things that that did,
- 1:21:38unfortunately, is it gave me sort of this prideful, like, I
- 1:21:42know what I'm doing here because I'm the one who's reading all
- 1:21:45the books. So when my husband would make a
- 1:21:47suggestion for our home school, I would think, you don't know,
- 1:21:51I'm the one who's doing the reading.
- 1:21:53I'm the one. And I often times in those early
- 1:21:55years sort of discounted what he would suggest or say.
- 1:22:00That is probably my number one advice.
- 1:22:03I would say like better more than anything else I've said,
- 1:22:07what I should have done in those early days is ask my husband, 20
- 1:22:11years from now, what do you want our kids to say?
- 1:22:13Because he loves these children. Yeah.
- 1:22:15Shared vision. Exactly.
- 1:22:17And then is there a way that I can, when I'm homeschooling, the
- 1:22:20kids can modify the way I was going to do it to also make sure
- 1:22:23that we're encompass, encompassing the way that really
- 1:22:26when I made that shift is when he got excited about
- 1:22:30homeschooling. And really.
- 1:22:31And that changes everything. So if you have like a, a spouse,
- 1:22:36whether it's your husband or it's the whoever's doing most of
- 1:22:41the homeschooling, right, mom or dad, if you can get a shared
- 1:22:47vision so that you both are really excited about it, that
- 1:22:51changes the whole tone and tenor of your homeschool.
- 1:22:55And then I think it also makes it easier for the one who's not
- 1:22:58doing most of the homeschooling to support.
- 1:23:02And, you know, a lot of times in those days, I would say like I
- 1:23:04just need two hours in a coffee shop with nobody touching me.
- 1:23:08I guess, you know, when you've got the little kids, they're
- 1:23:10always touching you. I just need to go.
- 1:23:12He would, you know, send me off to the coffee shop for a couple
- 1:23:15hours on a Saturday morning so that I could have a minute.
- 1:23:17And a lot of times I was just planning homeschooling.
- 1:23:19So it's not even, I didn't need a break from that necessarily.
- 1:23:22I just needed a minute. And I think it's easier to get
- 1:23:26that kind of support and shared vision if you can get on the
- 1:23:30same if if he feels like you are honoring his own vision for your
- 1:23:36family life too. OK, But I don't feel like that
- 1:23:38was really answering your question.
- 1:23:39I. Think that is a big, big good
- 1:23:41answer because I mean the the unity thing about between
- 1:23:44spouses because at the end of the day, your family project is
- 1:23:47your family project and has to be in union with your spouse if
- 1:23:50it's creating division in your marriage, is it really going to
- 1:23:53help the. Kids.
- 1:23:54And then when you're having family dinner and you're having
- 1:23:56a conversation, I mean, that would be a huge thing right
- 1:24:00there. That's pretty countercultural to
- 1:24:02the way most families operate these days.
- 1:24:04Those conversations are part of this education.
- 1:24:07So if you can scale it out in your mind from feeling like
- 1:24:10whatever we do from 9:00 to 3:00 or whatever it is, that school
- 1:24:13and everything else is just normal family life.
- 1:24:16But all of this counts. All of this forms kids.
- 1:24:18So sometimes I will say, can you guys tell dad one thing that you
- 1:24:22learned today that feels sometimes a little contrived?
- 1:24:25So I might go, OK, today in our read a lot about ancient Egypt,
- 1:24:30we read this super disgusting thing about mummies.
- 1:24:33Have you ever heard this? And I would say that at dinner,
- 1:24:35it would just get the conversation going.
- 1:24:37That is like more education. That's the discussion that we
- 1:24:40were talking about earlier. Reading aloud in discussion
- 1:24:43being two primary super tools in your in your home schooling
- 1:24:48toolbox or your parenting toolbox.
- 1:24:50And I feel like that should count just as much as your math
- 1:24:54worksheet you were doing earlier in the day.
- 1:24:56So bringing dad in through read alouds, either evening read
- 1:25:01alouds or conversations about stories, even if he wasn't there
- 1:25:04for the read aloud can be really useful.
- 1:25:06Sharing a vision is really, really useful.
- 1:25:09But it feels to me like even if you don't have exactly the same
- 1:25:15idea of what education looks like or should look like, even
- 1:25:20if you don't have this and my husband, my personalities are so
- 1:25:22different from each other. So whether or not you're aligned
- 1:25:26in exactly your vision of what a good homeschool education or
- 1:25:28what a good education looks like, I think even just me, for
- 1:25:32example, saying to my husband, what's most important to you at
- 1:25:35the end of the day for the kids to have done.
- 1:25:37When I would ask that he would always come back with less than
- 1:25:40I feared he would. I was always afraid he would
- 1:25:42come back with some impossible, I don't know, list of
- 1:25:47requirements. I will say he used to tell me,
- 1:25:52Sarah, I would say, Oh my goodness, that we had the worst
- 1:25:54day. We didn't get anything done,
- 1:25:55especially when I had all these babies, right?
- 1:25:57And he would say the worst day in home school with you is
- 1:26:01better than the best day they would have in school.
- 1:26:04What a supportive husband. I mean, I really thought he does
- 1:26:07not know how badly things are going.
- 1:26:10But yeah, I mean, really, I think what he was saying was
- 1:26:13there. You're able to give these kids
- 1:26:15more than anybody else can 'cause you love them so much.
- 1:26:17And I think that's to any dads who are listening to this,
- 1:26:22that's all she needs. She just needs your vote of
- 1:26:24confidence. Like you know what, I totally
- 1:26:26because she's already doubting whether she can do it or not.
- 1:26:30My husband, like I said, does a fair amount of homeschooling now
- 1:26:33and I see it. I see that the tables turn in,
- 1:26:37you know, when I can say to him, you're giving them such a good
- 1:26:40education, That's all they need. That's all because we doubt
- 1:26:43ourselves so much. The culture feeds that doubt.
- 1:26:46And then but mom or dad who loves their kids so much, who
- 1:26:52feel like their spouse is their, believes in them and is their
- 1:26:59primary support that. I mean, I feel like we could
- 1:27:03change the world that way. Oh yeah, 100%.
- 1:27:05And that family that is learning together, loving together,
- 1:27:10praying together, stays together.
- 1:27:12Yes, more than just praise together, they do those other
- 1:27:15things. It's it is world changing.
- 1:27:17Thank you for your ministry, Sarah.
- 1:27:19It's so beautiful. And I know lots of people
- 1:27:21listening are going to check out your stuff.
- 1:27:23So where can people find your stuff?
- 1:27:25Read Aloud Revival is my podcast.
- 1:27:27That's probably the best place to start.
- 1:27:29We just celebrated 10 years of podcasting.
- 1:27:32Amazing. Wild.
- 1:27:33Yeah. So I just did a top ten in the
- 1:27:36first ten years and it's like a very. 14,000,000 downloads.
- 1:27:40I have to brag on you. That's awesome.
- 1:27:41It's. Been really fun.
- 1:27:43Do you know? I think why the podcast has
- 1:27:47taken off the way it has is because we all really want to
- 1:27:50connect with our kids. We all feel very overwhelmed by
- 1:27:53so much to do pulled in so many directions, right.
- 1:27:55And when parents get a taste of what reading aloud can do in
- 1:28:00their families for their kids development of virtue, for their
- 1:28:03academic growth, for their connections, for their emotional
- 1:28:06for their emotional growth. We know kids who are read to a
- 1:28:10lot grow up and have more empathy and compassion that we
- 1:28:15know that they they've they're borne witness again and again to
- 1:28:19characters overcoming odds. So they're witnessing fortitude
- 1:28:23again and again and again. So when we do this, we sit down
- 1:28:26for 10 or 15 minutes, we read aloud.
- 1:28:28It doesn't feel like anything changed, doesn't feel like
- 1:28:30anything shifted. The kids are still fighting, the
- 1:28:32laundry's still piled up, We still have to make dinner, and
- 1:28:35nobody seems like suddenly more virtuous.
- 1:28:38But these, there's something about it that we and then we
- 1:28:41realize what there's nothing else we can do in 10 or 15
- 1:28:45minutes for free that gets us the same impact that reading
- 1:28:50aloud does. So then I think we just get
- 1:28:52really excited about it. And that's why I think it has
- 1:28:54over 14,000,000 downloads is because it's because I think we
- 1:28:58get really excited about what what we're able to do with very
- 1:29:03little. It's it feels like a daily
- 1:29:05feeding of the 5000 when you get to read aloud with your kids.
- 1:29:09Anyway, that was a little side note, but read aloud revival the
- 1:29:11podcast is the best place to start.
- 1:29:12And that that podcast, the top ten, the 1st 10 years might be a
- 1:29:16good place to start because it I pulled, you know, from our most
- 1:29:18popular top ten episodes for that one.
- 1:29:20So it kind of gives listeners a good feel.
- 1:29:22And you can find that in your podcast app wherever you watch
- 1:29:25or listen to that podcast, or at readaloudrevival.com.
- 1:29:28Amazing. Thank you so much, Sarah, for
- 1:29:30coming on the podcast. Thank you, Lila, it's been
- 1:29:32awesome. Thanks so much for joining this
- 1:29:34episode of the Lila Rose Podcast.
- 1:29:36Don't forget to subscribe wherever you listen to your
- 1:29:38podcast on Apple or on Spotify or wherever else.
- 1:29:41And also on YouTube. You can watch us on YouTube,
- 1:29:43make sure you're subscribed to the channel.
- 1:29:44And we have our locals page. We're doing special behind the
- 1:29:47scenes access for our subscribers, including special
- 1:29:51segments of our lives, our YouTube lives just for our
- 1:29:53locals followers. So check that out at the link in
- 1:29:56the bio and we will see you next time.