Latest / ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿 / 👩🏼‍🏫Real Talk: The Power of Not Knowing

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👩🏼‍🏫Real Talk: The Power of Not Knowing · ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿

• 0:22
  Music. Hello.
• 0:26
  Everyone and welcome back to another.
• 0:28
  Episode. Of the London thriving for
• 0:29
  teachers now. Today I want to tackle a Really.
• 0:33
  Unpopular opinion, one that may make some.
• 0:37
  Of you squirm a little bit, but. Let's just hear me out.
• 0:40
  So here it is saying I don't know is more.
• 0:43
  Powerful than pretending that you do.
• 0:46
  Now I get it. Most of the time.
• 0:49
  I like to be in control. Honestly, if you know me, you
• 0:52
  would just know that. And I'm really stubborn.
• 0:55
  I like knowing what's coming. I like knowing.
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  Exactly what to do and. Well, pretending that I know
• 1:00
  everything. So I'm very guilty of this.
• 1:03
  And I am still working on this. Very hard, but over the years
• 1:07
  I've. Learned that.
• 1:08
  Trying to. Fake.
• 1:09
  It doesn't actually help anyone, especially in teaching if you.
• 1:14
  Go back. To my episode about imposter
• 1:16
  syndrome. This kind of links up with.
• 1:17
  That too. So I've been.
• 1:19
  Handed. More than my fair share of.
• 1:22
  Different roles in. Schools to the point.
• 1:24
  Where sometimes I literally. Lose track.
• 1:26
  Of which role I'm even doing. And let's be honest.
• 1:30
  How can? You do those things well when
• 1:32
  you're. Trying to juggle.
• 1:33
  Everything and pretend that you know it all.
• 1:37
  It's that whole analogy. Of you are.
• 1:39
  Juggling so many. Balls in the.
• 1:40
  Air and just hoping that none of them are glass when you drop
• 1:44
  them. So how?
• 1:45
  Do we manage? This it's all.
• 1:47
  Going to start with a. Little bit of vulnerability, we
• 1:50
  admit it and we actually can say.
• 1:52
  I don't know. But I'll get.
• 1:53
  Back to you. And here's the key.
• 1:56
  You don't need to know everything.
• 1:59
  Maybe this is me telling myself. This too.
• 2:01
  But you just need to know where to look.
• 2:04
  This is true in the classroom too, because kids.
• 2:06
  Ask the most. Random, brilliant and sometimes
• 2:09
  ridiculous questions. And more often than not.
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  Depending on what the question is, we might not.
• 2:15
  Know the answer, but here's the thing.
• 2:18
  They don't care that we don't know, they just care that
• 2:21
  they've been heard. And that we're.
• 2:23
  Going to go find. Out the answer or direct them
• 2:26
  towards. Someone who might know.
• 2:28
  So I've gotten so much better at this since.
• 2:32
  Honestly having my own kids because.
• 2:34
  One of my kids asks. An insane amount of questions
• 2:39
  daily. Like honestly.
• 2:41
  If that kid could could talk in its sleep, it probably.
• 2:46
  Would. Well, actually.
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  They kind of do because. They have non terrorists
• 2:49
  sometimes but anyway that's another story while.
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  Some of these questions that they ask are way over my head.
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  I've. Learnt.
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  To. Like my strategy?
• 2:58
  At the moment. Is to.
• 3:00
  Defer so like go ask your dad or maybe open nose or why don't?
• 3:05
  You call your. Uncle, it's the.
• 3:07
  Literal. Like go find a.
• 3:09
  Friend depending. On the type of question will
• 3:12
  depend on whether. I'm the one trying to find the
• 3:14
  answer. Or.
• 3:15
  They sometimes even look at you and be like, can't you just?
• 3:18
  Ask like Google? Yes.
• 3:20
  OK, let's go ask Google. It just depends on the question
• 3:24
  that they're trying to. Find out.
• 3:26
  The answer to. So we'll usually.
• 3:29
  Go and find that out together. Or they're sent off to ask a
• 3:32
  person that I. Think will probably know the
• 3:34
  answer to that. Question.
• 3:35
  Because like those questions about cars?
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  Like I can drive. A car I.
• 3:40
  Can't tell you. Much more than that.
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  So when my husband gets in my. Car and he's like, how long?
• 3:45
  Has it been making that noise for and I'm like it's a noise.
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  Oh, it drives fine. I'm that person this is.
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  Why I pay for things? Like roadside assistance and
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  always. Have my phone charged so that I
• 3:59
  can. Call for help.
• 4:01
  I'm going to be that person for the rest of my life.
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  I was not. Brought up with a like.
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  I love my dad but. I was not brought up with a
• 4:09
  gentleman who taught me how to do those things, and I'm too.
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  Stubborn now to when my husband tries to teach me, I'm just
• 4:16
  like. No, that's that's why I married
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  you. Like that's what you do.
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  So yes. I'm still that person, so when
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  it comes to those types of questions.
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  I'm. Going to defer.
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  I'm going to direct. To the right person who will
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  know that answer for that. Specific thing.
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  And we do the same in our careers because we've learned
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  those. Strategies.
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  So we we know. And kids are still learning, and
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  they're learning that we also don't have to know everything.
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  Adults are exactly the same. People just want to know that
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  you'll try and that you will get back to them.
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  Sure, sometimes this obviously annoys others because some.
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  Of them want the answer immediately.
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  But I've learnt. To write it down or get them to.
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  Email me and then I'll follow through.
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  Please excuse, Bayor just said that was.
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  Very rude. Just a little bit tired at the
• 5:05
  moment, but honestly. As I was saying, if I don't
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  write it down then it's it's. Gone.
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  Like I have to laugh at myself sometimes.
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  I will go get a. Coffee in the morning, which is.
• 5:16
  Usually at a bakery. A bakery?
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  What do they do at a bakery? Do they bake bread?
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  Well, yes, so obviously. One morning I will go in and I
• 5:24
  will get my coffee. And then the next morning.
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  I'm standing in the pantry trying to make the kids lunches
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  and guess what? There's no bread.
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  But do you think that I remembered while I'm standing
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  there? In the bakery to get bread, no.
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  Because I didn't write it down. I forget to write it down and
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  then I'm not thinking about that.
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  I'm thinking about. I want coffee.
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  I'm about. To go to work.
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  Here's all the things I need to do when I get to work.
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  I'm not thinking. When I get home like oh I needed
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  to buy bread this. Morning because the kids now
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  have no bread for lunches. That's what I think about the
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  next morning when I need. The bread.
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  So if I don't. Write it down.
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  It's literally gone, so I've. Learned my lesson from this time
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  and my husband. Can vouch for that too because
• 6:06
  he'll tell me. Stuff in the morning like, oh,
• 6:07
  on your way home, can you get? XYZ and I'm like dude.
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  If I haven't written it down, I'm not going to remember to do
• 6:13
  that. Can you send me a message?
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  He's like, oh, like, seriously, if you want me to do it.
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  You're going to have to send the message to remind me to.
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  Actually. Do the thing and I'm just going
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  to earn that. That's just me.
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  So here's the takeaway. Stop pretending that you know it
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  all. Say.
• 6:31
  I don't know when you actually don't.
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  And then go find out. It's way.
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  More powerful. Than pretending and honestly,
• 6:39
  it's real, it's. Actually a huge skill for
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  teachers. And parents and really just
• 6:43
  anyone. And that is something that I've
• 6:45
  been working really hard on myself.
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  Because I find that as I said. Before I'm stubborn and I want
• 6:50
  to know what's going on and I want to know.
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  The answer? So I am going to do my best to.
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  Find it out. Giving yourself permission to
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  not know it doesn't make you incompetent, it just makes you
• 7:00
  human. And that's.
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  How we build trust. And credibility.
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  And better relationships. Both with.
• 7:07
  Kids and adults. So.
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  It's just. Something that I've noticed over
• 7:11
  the years that the more that we admit that we don't know.
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  The more open others are. To actually helping us as well.
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  Suddenly we're not the ones. Who are supposed to have all the
• 7:22
  answers? We're collaborators.
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  We work together. And students start to notice.
• 7:27
  This too. So when they say us to, when
• 7:30
  they say us, pause and think and then genuinely.
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  Try to. Figure something out, they
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  learn. That curiosity.
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  And learning. It doesn't stop with.
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  Adults and it's. OK to ask.
• 7:42
  Questions. And how many?
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  Times have we. Sat there in a classroom as a
• 7:45
  teacher and looked at our kids and gone.
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  There's no such thing as a dumb question.
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  The dumbest question is the one that like.
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  No one's. Asking because you might be the
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  one sitting there and there's ten other people in the room
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  with the same question, and they're all too.
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  Scared to ask? It and then that one person.
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  Puts their hand. Up and they're.
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  Like, oh, thank goodness I was. Thinking that too.
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  And I wasn't. Sure, and finally you can delve
• 8:04
  into the question and try and find an answer together.
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  It's OK to. Explore and it's.
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  OK to make. Mistakes.
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  Along the way. Goodness, I've made some
• 8:12
  mistakes. I've.
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  Done some research. On things and gone down rabbit
• 8:15
  holes and have come up. With a completely.
• 8:17
  Different. Answer to someone else in the
• 8:19
  process. And that does not.
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  Necessarily end well. When you're doing.
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  Your research like I am. Happy to always go and check in
• 8:28
  with someone else to make. Sure that that's sort of.
• 8:30
  The answer that I was looking for, if that makes sense.
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  So let's just be honest, it's like sometimes.
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  Pretending we know everything, it just adds an extra.
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  Layer of stress to your life. Because you end up juggling.
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  All these. Mental notes trying.
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  To remember. What you should?
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  Know. And then eventually.
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  It just all. Becomes too overwhelming.
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  I've been there. I've.
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  Been there many times. I've had weeks where I'm.
• 8:55
  Trying to balance these millions of roles and get all tangled up
• 8:58
  in my head. And then finally when I admit.
• 9:01
  I don't know. Let me find out suddenly some of
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  that. Pressure starts to lift.
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  And I start to. Free up some of that mental
• 9:09
  space to actually do the job well.
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  Instead of just pretending. It's it's like you can still be
• 9:17
  the duck that's treading water, you know that.
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  Analogy when you see the ducks floating along and they.
• 9:21
  Look so graceful and smooth, but really under the water their
• 9:25
  legs are frantically like going. And that's.
• 9:27
  What I think most days of my teaching career, I like.
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  I'm like the duck. I look like everything's going
• 9:34
  fine, but. Realistically, I'm peddling so
• 9:37
  fast under the water. And that's what's going on in my
• 9:40
  head. So I've.
• 9:41
  Had to learn to let things. Go and just.
• 9:44
  Grow. And change and adapt.
• 9:47
  Because that's what we we do as teachers.
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  So let's not add. Any future?
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  Stress to our lives by. Pretending that we have.
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  To know everything. But it's just funny.
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  How life outside of school always reinforces.
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  These lessons. Like my kid asking all of those
• 10:06
  questions. And some of.
• 10:08
  Them just being so ridiculously outrageous that I'm just like, I
• 10:12
  don't know. If I can find that out, but we
• 10:14
  try anyway and even if I. Just say, look, we will do what
• 10:19
  we can and we'll search and we'll.
• 10:21
  Let you know. After you've gone to.
• 10:22
  Bed and in the morning. When you wake up, we would have
• 10:24
  talked to a few people and we'll.
• 10:25
  Find you an answer and they're. OK with that, because as I said
• 10:28
  before, they just want to feel heard.
• 10:30
  And that you care enough to actually follow up.
• 10:33
  Adults are exactly the same. We want that reassurance that
• 10:36
  someone is listening and that they're going to come back with
• 10:38
  an answer, rather than giving you some random answer at the
• 10:43
  time. That's not right at all.
• 10:45
  Or faking it, because that's the part that.
• 10:48
  I'm not. Good with either like.
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  If someone comes and asks me a question.
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  And I know half of the answer I may.
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  Not even tell them that because I want to.
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  Give them the. Full answer instead.
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  Or I will. Happily be the one that says
• 10:59
  look, I'm not sure. Have you checked?
• 11:00
  With. So and so.
• 11:02
  And. Redirect because if I don't
• 11:04
  know, maybe they do. A little honesty.
• 11:06
  Just goes a really really. Long way and.
• 11:10
  My practical tip if you're. Afraid of forgetting?
• 11:12
  Like me. Write it down.
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  Seriously. Even if.
• 11:16
  It's a sticky note, a phone reminder, like you.
• 11:19
  Have your? Phone in your pocket.
• 11:20
  Put it in. Your notes app send an email to.
• 11:22
  Yourself. I am so guilty of that.
• 11:24
  Facebook Messenger. I message myself all the time.
• 11:28
  Like seriously. And at the end of the day I go
• 11:30
  through my messages. So if it looks like I'm actually
• 11:32
  sitting on Facebook sometimes at work, I'm not I'm.
• 11:35
  Actually just messaging myself so that when I get home I can
• 11:38
  check all the things that I needed to remember.
• 11:40
  It's the same with sending photos.
• 11:41
  Sometimes I'll just. Quickly snap a peek of something
• 11:43
  and then send it to myself so that I can go back to that
• 11:47
  later. And that's, that's the whole
• 11:48
  thing. It's the going back to it.
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  Later because. Honestly, you I've.
• 11:53
  I got a. Coffee in the morning, the next.
• 11:55
  Day I forget why do we do that? Because.
• 11:58
  Our human brain. Fails paper.
• 12:00
  And digital reminders. Do not as long as you.
• 12:03
  Set the digital. Reminders, of course and AS.
• 12:04
  Long as you. Pick up the piece of paper.
• 12:06
  But they're all physical things that are a little.
• 12:08
  Bit easier than just trying to remember off the top of your
• 12:10
  head. I know I can remember when.
• 12:12
  I was a. Little.
• 12:13
  Kid. I always used to growl at my
• 12:15
  mum. Because she'd have pen like
• 12:17
  writing on her hand and. I'd be like Mum.
• 12:20
  You tell us not to draw on ourselves.
• 12:22
  It wasn't actually like. When I got.
• 12:24
  Older. She'd.
• 12:25
  Explain and say I wasn't actually.
• 12:26
  Drawing on myself, I would just write notes on my.
• 12:29
  Hand during the day and then at the end of the day.
• 12:32
  I'd go through to make sure I did.
• 12:33
  All the things that were on my hand just as they came up,
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  because she wasn't in a generation where she had a phone
• 12:39
  in her pocket, she had a pen and so that.
• 12:42
  Was her strategy to remember or there'd be like a dot on her
• 12:46
  hand? We actually.
• 12:47
  Had a little. Boy at one of our schools.
• 12:50
  And his mum would write the letter B on his hand.
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  If he was. Going on the.
• 12:54
  Bus because he'd. Forget by the end of the day.
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  So she's like, if you've got to. Be on your hand you're.
• 12:58
  Going on the bus. OK.
• 12:59
  And as teachers. We knew that, so then we could
• 13:02
  check. And be like.
• 13:02
  Oh, you got to be. So you're going on the.
• 13:04
  Bus. So it's all those little things.
• 13:06
  It's a strategy, whatever is going to.
• 13:08
  Work. That's that's what we do.
• 13:10
  So don't. Underestimate the power.
• 13:13
  Of modelling this for your students as well.
• 13:15
  Because when they see. Us admit that we don't know.
• 13:18
  Or you need a strategy and we're going to actively seek out the
• 13:21
  answer. It just shows them that.
• 13:23
  Learning is lifelong. We don't stop.
• 13:26
  And that knowing something, or not knowing something I should
• 13:29
  say, isn't failing. It's not failure.
• 13:31
  It's just an opportunity to grow and learn together.
• 13:34
  And over time, that. Builds a classroom culture where
• 13:37
  it's. Safe to ask?
• 13:38
  Questions It's safe to make mistakes and learn from them.
• 13:42
  You go back through history. How many?
• 13:44
  Mistakes were made. By the Wright.
• 13:46
  Brothers, when they were trying to make a plane, how many
• 13:48
  mistakes did Einstein make? Until he made all.
• 13:51
  The amazing inventions that he made.
• 13:53
  But he built from his well learned from his mistakes.
• 13:56
  Built new inventions, tried new things and just kept going.
• 13:59
  And that's what we are trying to build a culture of in our
• 14:01
  classrooms and in our. Workplaces that we make.
• 14:05
  Mistakes. We learn from them.
• 14:06
  You just you. Imagine how.
• 14:07
  Great, that feeling. Is when you're doing that.
• 14:10
  For yourself. And with your.
• 14:11
  Students so. That's me.
• 14:14
  That's it for. Today a nice short to.
• 14:16
  The point type of one, but just something that.
• 14:19
  I've really had to work on myself.
• 14:20
  Lately, and I think that there might.
• 14:22
  Be a lot of you. That are in exactly the same
• 14:25
  position where. You are.
• 14:27
  The duck treading water and you're struggling and you just
• 14:30
  need to. Let yourself go, like let go of
• 14:34
  that stress, like go of those expectations.
• 14:37
  Give yourself. The benefit of a doubt that if
• 14:39
  you don't know. You're going to.
• 14:40
  Find out. You don't need to be the expert.
• 14:42
  All the time. Be brave.
• 14:45
  Be honest. Start saying that you.
• 14:47
  Don't know and then show up and find the answer.
• 14:50
  You have got this. And.
• 14:52
  Of course, if this episode. Has resonated.
• 14:55
  With you, please share it with. Your teacher and educator
• 14:58
  friends, or a parent friend, or anyone that you think might just
• 15:02
  need to hear. This message today.
• 15:04
  And remember that being human, being curious, and showing up
• 15:09
  honestly is far more powerful than trying to be.
• 15:13
  Perfect. OK.
• 15:15
  So thank you. Guys for listening.
• 15:18
  I will catch you next time with another real talk moment.
• 15:21
  For the classroom, but again, please.
• 15:23
  Share Please get this message out there.
• 15:26
  It does help me. As a podcaster to spread the
• 15:29
  word, which I love to do. Because I just want to help as
• 15:31
  many people as possible. And educate.
• 15:33
  As many people. As possible.
• 15:35
  So make sure you click the. Follow button click the little.
• 15:38
  Belt and notify you when new episodes come out.
• 15:41
  Share it with your friends. On your socials, go nuts.
• 15:43
  Do all of the things and go and check out my Instagram if you
• 15:46
  want some inspiration because I love.
• 15:48
  To do a good post, I post a story every day.
• 15:52
  I say every day, OK, not every single day because I might not
• 15:55
  post. Weekends.
• 15:56
  Because that is again my time, my family time.
• 16:00
  But most weekdays I post. A story in the morning.
• 16:04
  Some motivational stuff. Just some tips, some tricks.
• 16:06
  Some everyday, some real life too.
• 16:08
  So if you want to. Hear a bit more about me, my
• 16:11
  story and what's going on in my life and how I can help.
• 16:13
  You the best that I can. Please jump over on Instagram,
• 16:16
  give me a follow and. Sometimes the message may just
• 16:20
  make your day. I know I get.
• 16:21
  A few inboxes of things where people are like, oh, Mel, who
• 16:25
  know exactly what you're going through.
• 16:27
  I get it. Or.
• 16:28
  I love waking. Up to your messages and that
• 16:30
  just absolutely makes my day and warms my heart to know that
• 16:35
  this. Passion project of.
• 16:36
  Mine. That my husband basically
• 16:38
  encouraged. Me to do so, I would stop
• 16:40
  teaching. Briefing with him has actually
• 16:43
  been probably one of the best things that it could have done.
• 16:45
  For us. And our family and just
• 16:49
  somewhere where I can have an. Outlet to let go.
• 16:52
  Of some stuff and to. Educate as I.
• 16:54
  Learn and grow and can help you guys to learn and grow too.
• 16:58
  So again, thanks to listening, thanks to listening.
• 17:00
  Thanks for listening to aligned and thriving for teachers.
• 17:03
  I hope you. Have a wonderful day.
• 17:06
  And there, of course, is Nyla, because she hadn't starred in
• 17:09
  this episode yet. She.
• 17:10
  Would like to say farewell as well.
• 17:12
  So if you don't know, there's my dog.
• 17:15
  As always if. It's not my children, it's my.
• 17:17
  Dog interrupting? Yep.
• 17:19
  There we go. OK, have a wonderful afternoon,
• 17:22
  evening, morning, wherever you may be in your day.
• 17:25
  Much love to you all.