Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E25: Motherhood, Femininity, and Prayer with Emily Wilson

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E25: Motherhood, Femininity, and Prayer with Emily Wilson · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  Hey guys, welcome back to the Lila Rose podcast.
• 0:03
  Thanks for being here Today. I'm talking with a dear friend,
• 0:07
  someone I admire greatly and who has so much wisdom and
• 0:10
  encouragement to offer. Emily Wilson, you might have
• 0:13
  heard of her if you hang out on Christian Catholic YouTube.
• 0:16
  Emily is a YouTube, she's an author, she's a speaker, she's a
• 0:20
  singer, and she's a mom of two beautiful little boys and a
• 0:22
  wife. She is here to have this kind of
• 0:26
  wonderful rambling, but very interesting, I hope,
• 0:28
  conversation with me in a kind of mom's club setting.
• 0:31
  So we're both drinking rose. If you're on the YouTube
• 0:34
  channel, you can actually see us drinking our little cans of rose
• 0:36
  and eating chocolate. I highly recommend you subscribe
• 0:39
  to our YouTube channel, Lila Rose Podcast.
• 0:41
  Obviously, please subscribe to Lila Rd.
• 0:43
  Podcast wherever you find podcasts as well.
• 0:45
  But in this conversation with Emily, we talk about motherhood.
• 0:48
  We talk about guilt as mothers. We talk about parenting styles
• 0:51
  and how to pray as a mother and all things parenting and
• 0:55
  womanhood. If you're a guy, I think this
• 0:57
  can still be helpful because some of this stuff is absolutely
• 0:59
  100, 100% applicable to men. And if you're not even a parent
• 1:02
  yet, I still think this can be useful and I hope inspiring and
• 1:06
  encouraging because at the end of the day, we all are mothers
• 1:09
  and fathers in some way, even if not biologically and how we can
• 1:13
  help and nurture other people. Hope you enjoy this episode and
• 1:16
  don't forget to subscribe to the Lila Rose Podcast.
• 1:26
  Because you are super talented and super time limited.
• 1:29
  I know with everything you've got.
• 1:30
  Going on, I appreciate it. What's your love language?
• 1:32
  That's the next question. Mine is words of affirmation.
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  So I'm taking all of your beautiful words and tucking them
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  into my soul. Good.
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  Yeah, I actually when I was I think saying something affirming
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  over there, I was, as I was saying, it was like, I wonder if
• 1:42
  this actually likes this or she doesn't.
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  What's your love language? Words of affirmation.
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  OK, love that. Yeah.
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  What's your like least one? What's like your last one?
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  And like I I don't even care if you do that for me.
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  Interesting. Mine's physical touch.
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  Really. Because that's my second.
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  I was going to give you a hug, but you're like.
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  Oh my gosh, I'm fine, like giving a hug and stuff.
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  But like I have people who are like, you know, they're like
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  always, you know, with their friends and like touching other
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  people and like always, you know, like wanting to hold
• 2:09
  hands. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, don't
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  touch me. But like, in general, like
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  hugging people, like that is not a problem for me at all.
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  Like, like we were talking about the introverted and extroverted
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  people. Like, oh, introverts like hate
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  people. It's like total misconception,
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  right? It's all about recharging your
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  heart and like, where you love being, not that you hate being,
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  you know, around other people so.
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  Yeah, Simon, cheers here. Cheers, Emily.
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  Welcome to Mom's Club. Thank.
• 2:31
  You very much. We have some chocolates here
• 2:34
  that Joe and Simone, our producers, got us today and
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  these are really exquisite Trader Joe's chocolates.
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  Only the finest. Only the finest for the finest.
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  Thank you. So would you like 1?
• 2:44
  Yeah, sure. Much appreciated.
• 2:46
  And let's see what kinds they are because it usually they have
• 2:48
  that little insert thing. I don't know if they have this
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  today. Oh yeah, look at this.
• 2:52
  Look, tell me what you have found here.
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  Oh, OK. We got coconut Crum ball.
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  Are you in a coconut? Oh, I see salt here.
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  This is salted caramel. Chocolate crunch is over here.
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  Cafe Macchiato. You into macchiatos?
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  Brazilian orange. Do you like the chocolate orange
• 3:07
  combination? Not my thing.
• 3:09
  No. OK.
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  Don't love chocolate orange. One of you love chocolate
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  orange. You can have that one.
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  Wrote to Joe. Sicilian lemon, lemon and
• 3:17
  chocolate. Not my thing.
• 3:18
  Not a fruit chocolate person. Yeah, not me either.
• 3:22
  Key Lime Pie my. Husband loves Key Lime Pie.
• 3:25
  Does he really? I our neighbor gifted US1
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  recently so I told the boys I was like we're going to have
• 3:30
  treats after dinner. And I don't think Daniel had
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  ever had one before. Like I don't know if they have
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  them in the Netherlands but they were all of them hated it.
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  They're like what? Is this that's funny?
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  I feel that way. I thought it like.
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  What is this? That oh, simply chocolate.
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  That's this one. OK, All right.
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  Any nuts? Anyone with nuts?
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  There is no nuts. Interesting.
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  I don't know if it's like a nuts.
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  Allergy free thing. It says it's an indulgent
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  assortment, so I don't know if nuts fall under the indulgent
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  category. You never know.
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  But yes, there's like something for everybody.
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  Coconut, lime, lemon, orange, regular chocolate.
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  So you pick first, but you are my beautiful guest.
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  OK, and I will do I like a little mocha coffee?
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  Oh gosh, this is gonna be hard to grab it.
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  Oh, it's 2 levels. Oh wow, 2.
• 4:21
  Double it up. Well, we could pick the same one
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  then, but I was actually gonna go for the coconut.
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  Oh. You're a.
• 4:26
  Coconut gal today. Anyways, let's try that.
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  OK, so the most important and 1st question of see, I feel like
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  moms, they always start by talking about their kids, right,
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  'cause our kids are like the world, but moms are people too
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  obviously. So for Moms Club, we start with
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  what is your Myers Briggs? Nope, I'm gonna put my chocolate
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  behind this so it's not like sitting there and I can enjoy it
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  throughout our conversation. That was very dainty, the way
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  you took a little bite and. I well, I should have like
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  caught the whole thing in my mouth and you're like trying to,
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  that's a question while I'm chomping down.
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  South. Myers Briggs.
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  My Myers Briggs is there an option for minor springs for
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  people who don't care about their minor springs?
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  Because I know I have so many friends who love this.
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  I know I'm an introvert. That's I right, I or EI.
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  I'm an introverted person, which people struggle to believe for
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  someone who gets up and gives talks in front of 5000 people
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  like, oh, you have you must be an extrovert.
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  What, like my profession, you know, like everybody's
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  profession isn't necessarily based on whether they're an
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  introvert, extrovert. And that's the thing, you can be
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  a successful introvert doing really anything.
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  And same with an extrovert doesn't determine your.
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  Destiny, yes, and then I believe I'm an N, which is those I.
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  Think you're an N intuitive into intuitor.
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  So I'm an N2 intuitor versus censor.
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  OK, so you're more likely to notice like associations and
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  like have like deep thoughts when you enter a room, then like
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  when you enter a room, notice like, oh, there's this painting
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  here and the architecture is interesting.
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  Like usually they're less spatially aware.
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  As an example, like my husband is more of an S and he's like,
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  can he notices architecture? He notices like remembers how
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  things look exactly. Simone, am I getting this right?
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  Could you explain for the idiots?
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  Out there, like all the different things that you're
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  talking about. No, most people know.
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  I feel like most people know their Myers Briggs.
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  They're like, come on, I'm an INFJ.
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  This is mom's club. We don't explain things.
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  What is Myers Briggs? It's a personality assessment
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  test that we're talking about. And E is extrovert versus
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  introvert. So you're an introvert, I'm an
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  extrovert, you're an N, which is intuitor versus a sensor.
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  So it's more of a like person that sees associations and kind
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  of thinks through like connections versus like they're
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  more, I guess by the book and they they take in.
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  It's how you take in data, actually taking data in a more
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  empirical way. Like this is a can and I'm going
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  to drink out of it versus like this reminded me of like the
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  time that I was seeing the sun explosion and that that the sun
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  is the center of the universe and this can is kind of the
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  center of my university. Whatever weird thoughts we think
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  about things, right? And then what's your next
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  letter? Do you know so?
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  There's I honestly think I'm right between an F and ATI mean
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  I'm like I think that's true. For you, I think that's true for
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  you. I think I maybe lean 1° more F,
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  so I'll go with F, Yeah. And then definitely Aji believe
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  I'm an INFJ. INFJ.
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  That's what are your. Temperament I'm E and FP.
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  So the F versus the T is the feeler versus the thinker.
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  So the thinker is more methodical and like processes
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  things in their thoughts and then immediately having usually
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  stronger emotions. And then the J versus the P is
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  like the judger versus perceiver and judge is not like you're
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  more judgmental, but that you're more prone to plan things out,
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  anticipate outcomes and like plan for them.
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  You appreciate something being done and completed than not.
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  And P more likes to fly from the seat of their pants.
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  Like they're more, you can be very creative and be AJ, but P
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  is like are less prone to complete their project.
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  They like to start 1000 at a time and that's like joy for
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  them as opposed to the J joy for them.
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  The completion more than more than even the beginning.
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  And here's the thing, we're here at Mom's Club.
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  And I feel like before being a mom, I was more of a pee.
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  And motherhood like transforms us so deeply, like whether we
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  like it or not, like it happens within us.
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  And I feel like I've become more of AJ like over the process of
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  being a mother. Do you enjoy being AJ mother
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  though? Like like cuz AJ has to plan as
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  a mom you have to plan. Like if you're like you have to
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  have enough diapers, does that stress you or does that, do you
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  enjoy that? It, I wouldn't say it stresses,
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  stresses me. It challenges me because if I, I
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  am a creative, I'm a writer, I'm an author.
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  I love just writing. I'm a musician.
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  I have all of that within me. And if you've ever known a
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  musician in your life, ever known a author, writer, we can
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  be pretty disorganized, like kind of all over the place
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  'cause you're dreaming about your next book and this story
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  and all these things. But when you become a mother
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  like, you cannot be like in La La Land like you have to be in
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  reality not procrastinating anything, because these things
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  have to get done. Well, that's because like, you
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  need to get back. It's not just for the sake of
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  your kids being fed and nursed and down, but you also for the
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  time you're off creating and exploring.
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  You want to put that in a certain time frame because your
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  kids need you. You don't want to be gone from
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  them for too long, so you have to have a deadline.
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  So I can, I'm, I know that I'm very capable to live in that J
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  kind of way. It's not my preferred way to
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  live if I was just like, you know, doing things the the way
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  that I wanted them to do. But that's why motherhood is a
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  path to holiness is because it's challenged me to live in that
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  way of not procrastinating, you know, whatever it is when you're
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  a mother. Like the diaper has to be
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  changed right now. Like the baby is wailing in the
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  night. You have to get up.
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  There's no option of like, oh, I'll do it in an hour.
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  So. You're saying you were a pee
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  before, now you're a Jay. I would say so.
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  And you know what? I it's interesting because I
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  think I'm a pee now and I'm still a pee, but I'm wrestling
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  maybe more. Maybe you're more holy than me,
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  Emily. I'm wrestling with like learning
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  how to J it up as a mom. I there's a lot of J things in
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  my home, but I think the the, the, the routines that are
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  essential for healthy kids, right, Especially when they're
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  very young. You could either like embrace
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  them or you can just struggle with them, like really ascent
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  and make them a habit or just always kind of be struggling.
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  And yeah, we've moved my my family.
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  We've moved four times in the last like two years now.
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  So like that's hard to build a routine with, but but you need
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  to be you need to J, you need to have your J.
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  But if you're a hardcore J and you're a mom, I'm going to guess
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  that you need to also have AP because kids are spontaneous.
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  They are not robots and they need to be able to do
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  exploration and play. You need to not always stick to
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  your schedule. You need to be open to like
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  breaking the schedule. So the naturally Jay mother is
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  going to have different struggles that probably you and
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  I don't have. That's.
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  True. I think one of the, the I was
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  telling you earlier about how I'm giving a talk on vocation
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  like women, what are we called to as women?
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  And I think just looking at the vocation like to marriage and
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  motherhood, unpredictability as a like is such a golden thread
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  of motherhood. Like you, when I talk to my
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  friends who are sisters or whatever, like their life is
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  very predictable, like their routine is their religious
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  sisters. Like they get up at the same
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  time and like they know pretty much like how the day will pan
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  out. Usually as a mother, you get up
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  and you're like, I have no idea how this is about to go.
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  And I'm going to like the unpredictability of it.
• 11:58
  You're kind of just on this roller coaster of like, OK, I
• 12:01
  don't know what's going to happen.
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  Like who's going to fall sick, right?
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  I'm like, are we going to be driving to the park?
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  And, you know, my older son's just going to start throwing up
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  out of the blue or whatever it is.
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  And so you learn to, like, lean into this unpredictability of
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  your life in a way that I never had to before.
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  You know, like, life is always unpredictable for everyone,
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  surely. But when you're managing so many
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  little people with so many unpredictable natures and things
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  that can happen, you got to get flexible.
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  You gotta really learn to surrender in a new way to just a
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  life of OK. I have no idea how this is about
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  to go. The Lord will be in it, and
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  everything's gonna be fine. That's so beautiful.
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  And and and the agenda thing, I think we have agendas like I
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  have look the creative projects. Yeah.
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  Same thing. I'm always creative.
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  I'm always ideating, like writing or dreaming or doing
• 12:49
  something like this mom's club that we're doing.
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  But at the end of the day, like their needs come first.
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  I was supposed to get on this plane to Dallas this last week
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  and we had all these things lined up.
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  And then my sweet Peter, 2 years old, is sick.
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  And so it's like that moment of OK, I don't want to leave my
• 13:08
  son. I have these other obligations,
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  you know, can I like halves it and like go for just a few
• 13:14
  hours, like literally make a 12 hour a day trip and like, you
• 13:18
  know, can that work? I can't, I don't want to think
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  of two days. I mean, there's a whole world
• 13:21
  that opens up. And so that's where that
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  flexibility piece comes into play.
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  But I think that's the key in our culture is like making the
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  child for, you know, putting the child 1st.
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  And that's one of the problems with a lot of women struggle
• 13:33
  with is that they don't have like, I have a very
• 13:36
  understanding employer, like it's a pro-life organization.
• 13:39
  You know, you have a very understanding employer yourself.
• 13:42
  And so we're blessed with that flexibility, yes, but I know how
• 13:46
  challenging it is for a lot of moms that they're not in the
• 13:49
  flexibility isn't there for them.
• 13:51
  Yes, it's true. I speak to so many women who so
• 13:55
  you don't have that flexibility because, you know, the baby's
• 13:57
  sick over and over again and they're like my paid time off or
• 14:00
  the just like sick day. Like I've used everything.
• 14:02
  And now like I'm really in a pickle because my employers like
• 14:05
  you have to get back to work and my kids keep getting RSV and the
• 14:09
  flu and all of these things. And it's so challenging for some
• 14:13
  of these friends who are, you know, moms who are my friends
• 14:16
  just to say, like I like there's, there's just no
• 14:19
  understanding, there's no compassion there for that.
• 14:21
  Like it's just about work and it's about your productivity.
• 14:23
  And that can be so, so difficult because it is true that like
• 14:27
  children, it's so unpredictable and like putting your children
• 14:31
  first. I know so many couples were
• 14:33
  like, we had this whole five year anniversary or 10 year
• 14:35
  anniversary, like totally planned out.
• 14:37
  They'd have been planning it for months and like the night
• 14:39
  before, not to be talking about throw up all the time, but moms
• 14:41
  are like pretty in tune with that.
• 14:43
  You know, one of the kids starts throwing up and then all of the
• 14:45
  all of them, you know, fall overnight and you're like, well,
• 14:47
  our trip to Bora Bora is like out the window.
• 14:50
  And like, as a parent, you just learn to be like, well, this
• 14:53
  just happens. And that's OK.
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  And like you. And there's a plan for it.
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  There's like a reason God allowed this to happen.
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  Yes. And it's going to be good.
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  Yes, you have to you really have to surrender to that.
• 15:05
  And in the beginning it's I think it's a little bit shocking
• 15:09
  that unpredictability. You want to control it.
• 15:12
  And I think that that's what mother had helped me do to Henry
• 15:15
  now. And one of his favorite prayers
• 15:16
  was Lord unclenched my fists. And I feel like that is what
• 15:19
  motherhood has been for me is you just want to, like, control
• 15:23
  the plan and you want, like, things to go how you want it to
• 15:25
  go. And I remember being pregnant
• 15:28
  with Zion. Were you sick during your
• 15:29
  pregnancies? Do you get really sick?
• 15:31
  Nausea and everything fatigued in the first trimester.
• 15:33
  Yeah, so I was really sick with Zion, my older, and I was like,
• 15:38
  Oh my gosh. I've never felt so out of
• 15:39
  control in my whole entire life. And that is the Lord's
• 15:42
  invitation into this. OK.
• 15:44
  I feel so out of control. I trust you, I trust you, I
• 15:47
  trust you, I trust you as things, you know, progress and
• 15:51
  you want to like hold on tightly to things.
• 15:53
  But it's just like unfurling of your hands to like live like
• 15:56
  this as a mother rather than like this because there's so
• 15:59
  much stress in this and there's like so much peace like in this
• 16:03
  posture, you know, It's so. It's so true and it's so it's
• 16:07
  biologically true too, because I mean, even from the beginning of
• 16:10
  being a mother, when we become mothers, our bodies are just
• 16:15
  bringing this child into the world and to fight that.
• 16:18
  And even like when in the process of birth, like you
• 16:21
  can't, there's no fighting that. It's, it's your body is already
• 16:24
  doing something and it's asking your emotion and your psychology
• 16:27
  to unite with the mission, which is nurture this little life.
• 16:32
  And that's where like what you said about people contacting you
• 16:35
  and a lot of women reach out to you online and Instagram, I'm
• 16:38
  sure, and e-mail. And there's so much I think I
• 16:41
  feel hostility towards not women per SE, but our ability to be
• 16:47
  mothers and making space for women as mothers in the
• 16:53
  workplace, in like entertainment and media everywhere.
• 16:57
  I mean, motherhood is a key part of womanhood.
• 17:00
  Every woman is a mother in some way.
• 17:03
  Even if she's not biologically a mother, she's helping other
• 17:06
  people. I think that's a fullness of
• 17:07
  like the feminine identity is to be able to nurture and, you
• 17:12
  know, mentor and love another who needs it as we received when
• 17:17
  we were little. But create, how do we create a
• 17:20
  society that's more fostering of that identity?
• 17:23
  The mother who brings that vulnerability with her, who is
• 17:29
  who needs flexibility. Like you can't just, you know,
• 17:32
  put the mother in a box and say, like, if you're the employer,
• 17:35
  like you have to do XY and Z no matter what.
• 17:37
  Like you have to make space for the child and the needs of the
• 17:40
  child. Yes, it's so important and
• 17:43
  mothers in in ways that everybody has some something so
• 17:47
  beautiful in their unique role and what they've been through
• 17:51
  and their testimony like mothers have such a unique thing to
• 17:54
  share with the world and you're what you're speaking to, I think
• 17:57
  is so much about the feminine genius and my late mentor.
• 18:02
  She talked about how the feminine genius lies in our
• 18:04
  ability as women to pay attention, not like attention
• 18:07
  span, but pay attention to where there's a need, right?
• 18:10
  And how we can meet that need as women and mothers have that in a
• 18:14
  unique way of just you just you're meeting the needs of
• 18:18
  these people, whether you're a mother of small children like us
• 18:21
  or teenagers, right? You just see where they, there's
• 18:24
  some like something is not right and you want to nurture and and
• 18:28
  fix and help. And I think that that's such a
• 18:31
  unique thing that mothers offer the world.
• 18:34
  Is this like intuition, right? Motherly intuition for their own
• 18:38
  children. But you at with the feminine
• 18:41
  heart, you see where there's a need, right?
• 18:44
  And Mary in the gospels, I love Mary at the wedding feast of
• 18:47
  Cana. She showed us the feminine
• 18:48
  genius because she's the one who saw that they ran out of wine
• 18:51
  because she was paying attention, right?
• 18:53
  And that is a woman's feminine genius.
• 18:55
  Whatever vocation she's in is that ability to pay attention
• 18:59
  and nurture. But mothers do that in a really
• 19:01
  specific and unique way that adds so much to whatever they
• 19:06
  might be doing, whether it's their volunteering at church,
• 19:08
  whether that's their company that they're a part of, whether
• 19:11
  it's their teaching, whatever it is.
• 19:13
  That ability to nurture and love with a mother's heart, like a
• 19:17
  physical mother's heart, is really, really special and
• 19:21
  something that the world really needs.
• 19:23
  It's so good and it makes so much sense too, when we consider
• 19:28
  that I think one of the greatest threats to us as women And you
• 19:33
  know, from a spiritual perspective, I think the devil's
• 19:35
  like favorite thing to do is to take us out of the present
• 19:38
  moment and to get us worrying or, you know, feeling fear or
• 19:44
  feeling stress and not paying attention, not being able to pay
• 19:48
  attention to the people in front of us to even our own
• 19:52
  experience. Like, oh, I am stressed right
• 19:54
  now. That's paying attention to
• 19:55
  yourself. Like I feel this way.
• 19:57
  If you're living in your stress and you're reacting and
• 19:59
  operating out of stress or out of fear, out of, you know,
• 20:02
  impatience or frustration or whatever that emotion might be
• 20:06
  worry. Then you can't pay attention.
• 20:08
  It's hard to pay attention and it's hard to mother.
• 20:12
  And that's what I think Satan likes to do is like take us out
• 20:15
  of the present moment, get us stuck in the past, dwelling on,
• 20:18
  you know, mistakes or dwelling on what could have would have
• 20:20
  been or stuck in the future, like only thinking about you
• 20:24
  know what worrying or wondering instead of paying attention to
• 20:29
  today and who is in front of us, including our own kids.
• 20:32
  We are kids. And therefore living out the
• 20:35
  feminine genius is, is being in the present to see again,
• 20:40
  whatever vocation you're in. Where is the feminine genius
• 20:45
  needed like right now in like the situations that I'm in, One
• 20:48
  of the things that has helped me so much in like looking at
• 20:51
  presents, like being present to whoever it is, is I stopped and
• 20:54
  I did this yesterday. I think the boys were
• 20:55
  scootering. And I say out loud to myself, I
• 20:58
  say, I'm so grateful for this moment in time.
• 21:01
  Oh, it's so good. When I'm like.
• 21:02
  I say that again that's I'm good.
• 21:04
  So grateful for this moment in time.
• 21:06
  And that's a practice you have to collect yourself.
• 21:10
  Yep. Not just to be present, because
• 21:12
  what you're doing there is so powerful.
• 21:14
  You're not just being present, you're being gratefully present
• 21:17
  and you're open to whatever that moment.
• 21:19
  Has yes and that I because I'm yes the enemies is that
• 21:24
  technically against me for sure thinking about the past thinking
• 21:26
  about the future, whatever it is always you know so many things
• 21:29
  going on in our heads as as mothers.
• 21:31
  It's To Do List like, Oh my gosh, the laundry, oh, the
• 21:34
  dinner, all these different things.
• 21:35
  And that just like I, I'm so grateful for this moment in
• 21:39
  time. And when I'm watching my son
• 21:41
  scooter or whatever, I just remember like, this is a moment
• 21:45
  and they are not going to be 4 and two forever.
• 21:47
  I could cry just, you know, thinking about it.
• 21:49
  I'm going to blink at all the moms at the grocery store.
• 21:51
  They're like, oh, just blink and you'll miss it.
• 21:53
  My sons are 40 and 42. And I just know that this moment
• 21:58
  in time is so sacred. And it helps me just to forget
• 22:01
  about all of that stuff that's going on in my head and be like,
• 22:04
  I'm just at in a moment in time. And if I'm not paying attention,
• 22:08
  I'm going to miss it. And I'm going to be 50 being
• 22:10
  like, man, I, they were four and two.
• 22:12
  And I was just thinking about all this other stuff when I
• 22:14
  should have been so grateful And so in the moment.
• 22:18
  So that has helped me a lot as a person who's like, kind of, you
• 22:21
  know, can be all over the place and to do lists and all that
• 22:23
  kind of stuff. You know, it's so convicting
• 22:26
  because I mean, even just like the phone and like the incessant
• 22:31
  to do lists and the distractions of daily life, it's so
• 22:35
  convicting to remember that yes, we only have this day once and
• 22:39
  we only have them as two. I mean, you have a two and a
• 22:41
  four. I have a one and a three, almost
• 22:43
  3. And we only have this time once.
• 22:46
  And what we do has a tremendous impact on them, how we use this
• 22:51
  time. And I think for me lately it's a
• 22:54
  conversation I've been having out with Joe and like just
• 22:56
  friends of OK, I'm making mistakes.
• 22:59
  I feel like I'm rushing through the day or, you know, I because
• 23:03
  me, for me, it's like the routine and like having the
• 23:05
  right routines for them and being present.
• 23:07
  And and so I I've been actually thinking a lot about, OK, what
• 23:11
  do I do to when I feel like I blew it?
• 23:15
  Like, you know, like I was, I was a patient with Peter, right?
• 23:17
  Or like, you know, I was distracted.
• 23:20
  I was on the phone with my mom and then with the handyman.
• 23:22
  And then I was like, you know, getting back to five friends via
• 23:25
  text and like, my little son is there like, Mama, can you read
• 23:28
  me a book? And it's like I was not paying
• 23:30
  enough attention to you, right? We don't.
• 23:32
  Have those moments. And so, but like, what has been
• 23:35
  so beautiful is learning that we're not perfect.
• 23:37
  No mother is. And there's repair you can do
• 23:41
  with your kid, with your child by, by, you know, you have this
• 23:44
  new moment. OK, Do the new moment, you know,
• 23:47
  be present in this moment, even if you know someone's listening
• 23:50
  to it, like, hey, I'm just not present enough.
• 23:51
  But I'm always on my phone. And then there's the mom.
• 23:54
  Where like, am I damaging my child because I was too
• 23:57
  distracted? Or, you know, they, I left the
• 23:59
  house, you know, like today I, when I left the house here,
• 24:01
  Peter's like, can I come? Can I come?
• 24:03
  Can I come? And I almost was like, I'm going
• 24:05
  to bring him, but I know it would have happened.
• 24:07
  Not I've actually had fun in this context.
• 24:08
  You know, it's not really set up for kids right now.
• 24:10
  In the future, I hope to set it up for kids in the in the back
• 24:12
  of the studio. But but I'm like, OK, so did I,
• 24:16
  you know, did we blow it? Did I did I blow it?
• 24:18
  But then realizing that he and I, we have this lifelong
• 24:23
  relationship and I can, when I'm with him, I can give him my
• 24:28
  presents and refill the cup, rebuild the connection and to
• 24:34
  not again waste time again in the past dwelling on mistakes
• 24:39
  and everything else that moms like to do.
• 24:41
  And don't be your worst enemy, you know, start again today.
• 24:44
  That's the beauty of the event of the child.
• 24:46
  Like the child gets up again and is ready for the new day and you
• 24:50
  can start again with them today. And that, that that has just
• 24:53
  given me a lot of relief as a mom to keep getting up again.
• 24:57
  And I'm going to be better mom today because I felt like
• 25:00
  yesterday I blew it in these ways, but I'm going to do better
• 25:02
  today. Yeah, that I think for me so
• 25:06
  much of that is learning just to forgive yourself for all the
• 25:09
  ways like that you have failed and understand that we're
• 25:13
  learning every single day. I think we don't give ourselves
• 25:15
  enough credit because the world so often thinks like, well, you
• 25:19
  know, you have two weeks of training and you better like be
• 25:21
  perfect at your job or whatever. There's I didn't have on the job
• 25:25
  training for sculpting and shaping A4 year old.
• 25:27
  OK, so every single day I wouldn't.
• 25:28
  It be cool if there was though. Yes, it would be amazing.
• 25:31
  Wouldn't that be? Great.
• 25:32
  I mean, it would be hard because children are so different all in
• 25:35
  their own ways, but there's. Certain principles.
• 25:37
  That's true of like ages and what they're going through and
• 25:40
  experiencing. So learning to forgive yourself
• 25:43
  for failing, I think is, has been big for me in the sense of
• 25:47
  like making that resolution, like you're saying, like I'm
• 25:50
  going to do better tomorrow. His mercies are new every
• 25:52
  morning and I'm going to lean into those mercies and it's
• 25:54
  going to be so beautiful because I'll learn from the ways that I
• 25:58
  was like, I should have done that better or I could have
• 26:00
  whatever it is. And being like, I forgive myself
• 26:04
  because I'm learning and that's OK.
• 26:06
  So this brings up a really interesting concept.
• 26:09
  I think it's so key and I think you kind of might, might have
• 26:12
  mentioned it before, but mother's intuition and trusting
• 26:15
  our gut as mothers. And you know, God has
• 26:17
  specifically given you the grace to be the mother of the child
• 26:20
  that he gave you. There's a real grace there that
• 26:22
  we have the power to mother our children in a unique way that no
• 26:26
  their mother has. And this is true for adopted
• 26:28
  moms too. I think God gives you that grace
• 26:29
  as an adopted mother or a foster mom and you know, but we can
• 26:35
  continue to develop and sharpen our instinct.
• 26:40
  You know, like it's not like 1 and done.
• 26:41
  You've you've got an instinct and then it's the same the rest
• 26:43
  of your life like you can. And also our instinct, I think
• 26:46
  can have wounds in it from maybe our childhood or how we were
• 26:50
  raised or, you know, bad experiences we had.
• 26:53
  So like the gut is not infallible is what I'm trying to
• 26:56
  say. But the gut, you need to listen
• 26:58
  to it and and sort of interpret your own gut.
• 27:01
  Yes. Well, how have you done that in
• 27:03
  your motherhood? What have been some tools that
• 27:05
  have helped you with that? A lot of prayer of because I
• 27:08
  think as moms, there's so many opinions and so much noise that
• 27:14
  that can really drown out the sound of our intuition and of
• 27:18
  our gut speaking, which is so important to listen to.
• 27:21
  I think it, it's easy to read so many books and like, you know,
• 27:26
  just listen to so many blogs that say like, oh, well, you
• 27:31
  should do this, you shouldn't do that, you should.
• 27:32
  And you're like, Oh my gosh. And you really just gets caught
• 27:35
  up such in this frenzy that you forget that the Lord is teaching
• 27:38
  you how to be a mother before any book is going to teach you
• 27:41
  how to be a mother. So before any the.
• 27:42
  Power of the Holy Spirit The Holy Spirit is real.
• 27:45
  And speaking to you. And I can't tell you how many
• 27:48
  older mothers I've talked with because I speak at women's
• 27:50
  conferences and I get to talk to women of all ages who would say
• 27:53
  about their motherhood. I don't regret every time I did
• 27:57
  listen to my gut and I regret every time I did not listen.
• 28:01
  And it's so powerful to just hear them say that of yes, they
• 28:05
  can see hindsight's 2020 with so many things they can see.
• 28:08
  I should have listened because my voice, my heart was talking.
• 28:11
  And it's so easy to listen to even the opinions of your own
• 28:16
  family of saying this is how you should do this.
• 28:17
  This is, you know, you shouldn't be doing it this way when in
• 28:20
  your own heart of hearts, your heart is speaking, which is the
• 28:22
  Holy Spirit. And I think that's a lot through
• 28:24
  prayer of just like simple prayers.
• 28:25
  Lord, help me to trust my own intuition as a mother.
• 28:29
  Help me to believe confidently that you have placed this child
• 28:34
  in my care, right? Like this child is with me for
• 28:37
  good reason and that I am the person who knows how to mold and
• 28:40
  shape and care for the how. Do you distinguish between your
• 28:43
  gut and mom guilt? Because mom guilt feels has the
• 28:50
  has can have the intensity of gut or even more of the
• 28:53
  intensity of gut because it's just like overwhelming feeling
• 28:55
  of like, OK, I, I'm like failing here or something's wrong with
• 28:59
  my child, it's my fault or whatever.
• 29:01
  Endless mom guilt things that there are.
• 29:03
  And by the way, guilt can be an actual blessing to help direct
• 29:08
  us towards maybe better behavior.
• 29:09
  Maybe there is something wrong in the relationship with our
• 29:12
  child that needs to be fixed. Like, that does happen, you
• 29:14
  know, it's not like moms are infallible, you know, but
• 29:17
  sometimes mom guilt is just unnecessary, unnecessary, you
• 29:21
  know, what is it like just berating of ourselves, Right.
• 29:25
  So, yeah, what are what are your thoughts on that?
• 29:26
  The mom's guilt versus a gut instinct that is truly from God.
• 29:32
  I think that there's mom guilt, there's not peace there, right?
• 29:38
  There's like in mom guilt. It's just it is beating
• 29:41
  ourselves up over. There's no hope in mom guilt.
• 29:44
  Right, It's just these voices that say like you're a failure,
• 29:48
  you're a mess. Like look at all those other
• 29:49
  moms. They could do it so much better
• 29:50
  than you. Look at how happy their kids
• 29:52
  are. Look at their family Christmas
• 29:53
  photo. Look at her in the day-to-day.
• 29:55
  That is mom guilt of like, Oh my gosh, everybody's doing a better
• 29:58
  job than me or whatever it might be.
• 30:00
  It's just like discord and and negativity there when even
• 30:04
  following your gut, even if it's a really hard thing, right?
• 30:07
  Like your child is in a preschool or whatever and
• 30:09
  something is telling you like, this is not the right fit and I
• 30:12
  should take this child out. There's this piece there rather
• 30:15
  than like this discord. And not to say that it's not a
• 30:19
  hard choice to make. Like there's a distinction
• 30:21
  between there being like an unrest.
• 30:22
  And you could even have guilt about having put them in the
• 30:26
  preschool. They feel it's not good for
• 30:28
  them. And that can be kind of mixed
• 30:30
  around the gut. But the gut is a self small
• 30:32
  voice saying make a change. Yes.
• 30:34
  And if you have the courage to follow through on that, then do
• 30:36
  away with the guilt, right? Like like just be.
• 30:38
  Just say, yeah, to say it's OK that I put my child in this
• 30:42
  preschool and I've learned a lesson here, right?
• 30:44
  What have I learned here? There's every day.
• 30:46
  At the end of the day, as a mom, you could say, what did I learn
• 30:48
  today? And you can tuck those little
• 30:50
  things in your pocket so that you continue to grow as a
• 30:52
  mother. But I think that that like
• 30:54
  putting that mom guilt away to say, OK, this wasn't the right
• 30:57
  choice and it's OK as a mom, sometimes I'm not going to make
• 30:59
  the right choice, but I'm going to listen to my gut and saying
• 31:01
  there's peace here in knowing this is the right choice and I'm
• 31:04
  going to move forward and and make that.
• 31:05
  That is such a good mantra. What did I so?
• 31:08
  I loved your earlier one. I'm so grateful.
• 31:10
  I'm so grateful for this moment and I love the idea as moms of
• 31:14
  saying it's like, you know, in in a in a spiritual sense, you
• 31:17
  making your evening examination of conscience.
• 31:20
  You know, you're thinking about how did I do today?
• 31:23
  And that can be your relationship with your spouse or
• 31:25
  your friends or your parents or your classmates or in your place
• 31:28
  of work in with your kids. But not just like, what did I do
• 31:32
  wrong? What did I do right?
• 31:33
  But what did I learn is the really proactive way of taking
• 31:38
  that, you know, engagement of the day and looking at it and
• 31:41
  saying, OK, what is good? What is not good?
• 31:44
  And then what could I do for tomorrow?
• 31:47
  So do you write those down? What do I learn?
• 31:49
  I just like just reflect on them because one of the big things
• 31:53
  for me psychologically was I think a lot of times as a mom,
• 31:57
  you would think I have no idea what I'm doing.
• 31:59
  And I think especially in early motherhood, you're like, I have
• 32:01
  no idea what I'm doing because you're learning so many things
• 32:05
  changing. I have no idea what I'm doing
• 32:07
  into I'm learning as I go. Like changes everything because
• 32:13
  I have no idea what I'm doing. Is this negative thing like I'm
• 32:15
  floundering around. I have no idea.
• 32:16
  No, I'm learning as I go. That's such a positive thing to
• 32:18
  say. I'm learning here and that's OK
• 32:20
  because I'm going to be learning as a mother when I have an 8
• 32:22
  year old and when I have a 16 year old, like for the rest of
• 32:25
  my life. So taking that inventory every
• 32:27
  day of what did I learn? Because then you put it in your
• 32:30
  pocket and you like can either do better when you have a second
• 32:33
  child. When I had my second child, I
• 32:35
  was like, Oh my gosh, I know so many.
• 32:37
  Things it's like this is much easier.
• 32:39
  Wow, so much more. Than I did when I had my first
• 32:44
  because you've tucked you've taken that inventory of like
• 32:47
  what have I learned and even subconsciously.
• 32:49
  It's a habit. A lot.
• 32:50
  Of tucked it away to, you know, how to do so many things to grow
• 32:55
  your muscles as a mother, like you're running a marathon right
• 32:58
  in the beginning. You're like, I ran, you know, 10
• 33:00
  steps a day. And you like over time, you just
• 33:03
  that endurance, that perseverance, that it like
• 33:05
  listening to your gut, all of it.
• 33:07
  It takes shape and takes shape and continues to get stronger
• 33:10
  and stronger and stronger. That's so good and I like that.
• 33:13
  What did I learn or what am I learning from?
• 33:16
  This is only possible and and through taking risks.
• 33:20
  And being a mom is inherently a risk.
• 33:22
  Yes, saying yes to motherhood is inherently a risk.
• 33:25
  Raising a child is inherently a risk.
• 33:27
  There's risks everywhere, risk that we will make mistakes, risk
• 33:31
  that we will mess it up, risk that something bad and good can
• 33:33
  happen. You know, not just bad things
• 33:35
  happen, good things happen too, right.
• 33:37
  But that like, what did I learn today?
• 33:39
  It's, it's as an like, as an entrepreneur, I know you're an
• 33:42
  entrepreneur too and everything you're like creating and even
• 33:45
  like with what we're doing now with mom's club, it's like you
• 33:47
  can only know truly once you, you know, yes, you can think
• 33:51
  about it and analyze, but experiencing it and going
• 33:54
  through it and trying things is a risk, but it's a way to learn
• 34:00
  and you can learn all of these things had knowledge about a lot
• 34:04
  of things in life. Motherhood.
• 34:05
  You can do head knowledge about, you know, sports, you know, like
• 34:08
  this is how you play football and we really play football, but
• 34:11
  you know, had knowledge about how to do any number of things
• 34:14
  with the theory. But until the practice happens
• 34:17
  and you actually try, there's a whole world of knowledge that is
• 34:21
  not open yet, the experience of the thing.
• 34:24
  And you also can't really, you know, you're never really going
• 34:27
  to get, if you really want to, you know, do a start a business
• 34:30
  or you want to, you know, be a parent one day or whatever.
• 34:33
  Until you take the risks, whether it's, you know, getting
• 34:34
  into the dating pool or trying an online app or doing any
• 34:38
  number of things. It's, it's a way of life.
• 34:41
  It's a way of life. It's a posture of I'm learning
• 34:43
  today, yes, as opposed to the posture of fear.
• 34:46
  Yes. And control, yes.
• 34:49
  Like that the tension and the stress taking risks you like
• 34:54
  you, you really is a letting go is this jump and it it it molds
• 34:58
  you and shapes you as a person in such big ways.
• 35:01
  You've taken so many risks in your life with so many amazing
• 35:04
  things that you've done and like, just to look back at the
• 35:08
  ways that we've, you know, all the risks that you've taken.
• 35:11
  You know, if you take an inventory and you look back on
• 35:13
  your life in the rearview mirror about how much it, it forces you
• 35:17
  to grow and forces you to really depend on the Lord and just, I
• 35:22
  don't know, allow yourself to be molded and shaped as a person.
• 35:26
  You know, risks are really, really beautiful things.
• 35:30
  And yes, motherhood definitely falls under that umbrella in, in
• 35:33
  the sense of just that letting go of saying, all right, every
• 35:36
  single day is is unpredictable. And this is a good thing,
• 35:40
  because this is going to shape me and draw me more toward
• 35:43
  holiness. OK, that's another moms club
• 35:44
  talk is like a calculated risks because and and and including
• 35:49
  with even kids and parenting. I mean, a lot of that does have
• 35:51
  to do with our instinct as moms like that does that is a North
• 35:54
  star. But you know, because there's a
• 35:57
  world in which like limitless risk and just trying things
• 36:00
  endlessly. Obviously, there's the moral
• 36:02
  law, like good basic question, if you're trying to live a good
• 36:06
  life, is this moral what I'm doing or not?
• 36:08
  If it's not moral, just don't ever do it, period, right?
• 36:11
  Try. And then if you do it, you mess
• 36:12
  up, you know, get up again. I'm not going to do it.
• 36:14
  Do that again. And so in the world of risk,
• 36:16
  like, you know, doing something, you know, when it comes to, you
• 36:20
  know, love and romance, if this is something that's not moral,
• 36:22
  like we're not married, well, don't have sex with them, you
• 36:24
  know, whatever it might be, There's the moral law, but then
• 36:27
  there's also prudence. And that's more of an art.
• 36:30
  And that more has to do with, you know, prayer and tuition
• 36:33
  experience. What does prudence look like as
• 36:36
  a as a mom? How do we develop prudence?
• 36:39
  I think also through prayer, prayer, I mean a virtues prayer.
• 36:44
  And more prayer. Yes, Like the virtues that we
• 36:47
  learn, whatever it is of prudence or humility, it really,
• 36:52
  I mean, it is like a fine wine, fine rose, whatever you're gonna
• 36:55
  call it is that it takes real time, like to learn how to
• 36:59
  cultivate it. You don't like pray the litany
• 37:02
  of humility in a day, right? One time.
• 37:04
  And you're like, Oh well, check, I'm humble now.
• 37:07
  But looking at prudence, it's really this again, an
• 37:12
  experiential learning of like how can I be more prudent in the
• 37:16
  choices that I make in the way that I speak, in the way
• 37:19
  whatever it is in the day to? Day and it sounds like when you
• 37:22
  say prayer because that means different things to different
• 37:26
  people, but I think a core part of prayer is proper reflection
• 37:32
  and taking time to reflect. I I remember why a spiritual
• 37:36
  friend of mine once told me that prayer is really thinking in the
• 37:40
  light of under the light of grace of God's grace, like in
• 37:44
  his presence. Now prayer can also just be like
• 37:47
  an emptying of yourself and worship or just like just
• 37:49
  sitting. You're like a good adoration.
• 37:52
  You're just like Jesus, you're here.
• 37:53
  I'm just going to sit and I don't even know.
• 37:55
  I don't have an agenda. You know, I just want to be just
• 37:57
  want to be with you. But when you're like actively
• 38:00
  engaging in prayer and thinking about like trying to talk and
• 38:03
  dialogue with God. It's our thoughts.
• 38:06
  So that's the beauty of it. It's very human.
• 38:08
  You know, you can use logic, you could have emotions, you know,
• 38:11
  you can talk about everything, but order towards you know, I'm
• 38:16
  I'm wanting to connect with God, who's everywhere and in every
• 38:20
  you know, is in everything good and true and beautiful.
• 38:24
  But what do you how do you like to pray?
• 38:26
  What do you do I. Think that one of the funny
• 38:27
  things about being a mom is that we talk about like reflection
• 38:30
  and like taking time and you're like, when is there ever time to
• 38:33
  do that? You know, which is a very
• 38:36
  challenging thing as mothers is the ways that your, your prayer
• 38:40
  life, you know, if you have one, if you're a follower of Jesus
• 38:44
  changes when you become a mother.
• 38:45
  Because you used to be able to spend an hour in reflection and
• 38:48
  an hour in Scripture and then whatever it is throughout the
• 38:52
  day, you had this rhythm of prayer.
• 38:53
  And when you're a mom, it's like totally flipped upside down.
• 38:56
  And you think, like, when will I have a chance to, like, process
• 38:59
  my emotions much less, like, reflect on anything in life?
• 39:02
  And carving out that time is so important.
• 39:06
  So back in the day, I would have never been able to do this
• 39:09
  because my sons have had sleeping trouble, you know, over
• 39:12
  the years. And children, Those kids.
• 39:13
  You know my kids right now, it's like every two hours, yes, one
• 39:17
  of them is up. Yep.
• 39:18
  Every two hours it's like having a newborn, but there's no
• 39:20
  newborn in the house. Yeah, You know, you get, you
• 39:22
  people are like, are three-year olds supposed to wake up every
• 39:25
  hour? And you're like, they just go
• 39:26
  through these phases, you know? Yeah.
• 39:29
  And sometimes when he wakes up, it's like he's upset, like he
• 39:31
  needs encouragement. Sometimes he's just like waking
• 39:34
  up or, or does he even need encouragement?
• 39:37
  That's like the debate we're having.
• 39:38
  It's like, do you go in there or do you let him like just make
• 39:42
  his little verbal upset noise and like leave him alone?
• 39:44
  Like I went in there last night when he's and he's like I'm
• 39:47
  tired, stop talking as I'm like sitting there like are you OK?
• 39:50
  He's like stop talking. I'm like, oh, you, you actually
• 39:53
  should be left alone right now. I should.
• 39:55
  Just move back away, yeah. But again, it's like learning.
• 39:58
  I'm like, I have never this is you've never been this old
• 40:00
  before and woken up this much before.
• 40:02
  So I'm kind of figuring it out. So true, So in regards to sleep
• 40:06
  troubles and prayer, but I, I used to see moms like, oh, I
• 40:09
  wake up at 5:30 and I have my coffee and I'm like, oh gosh,
• 40:13
  there's no way. Like every minute was like has
• 40:17
  been so necessary for me for a couple years to sleep Same
• 40:20
  right. And I would see those moms like.
• 40:22
  If they're sleeping, it's like now's my time to.
• 40:24
  Mess and you don't really realize when everybody's like,
• 40:27
  oh, when the baby's sleeping, when you have your first, like
• 40:28
  when the baby's sleeping sleep and you're like, I should have
• 40:30
  done that more because when you have a toddler and a newborn,
• 40:33
  you ain't sleeping. The baby's sleeping And it's
• 40:35
  like nap time for the newborn and the toddlers like, you know,
• 40:39
  that's throwing blocks at your face.
• 40:40
  Yeah. So I would see that and I'd be
• 40:43
  so discouraged. Like I can't get up at 5:30 and
• 40:45
  pray. But now that the boys are older,
• 40:47
  I'm able to do that. So a couple mornings a week,
• 40:49
  typically I'll wake up earlier and I'll have time to just
• 40:53
  really pray and be and not spend really refreshing and good.
• 40:58
  But it's like it was a specific time where the Lord invited me
• 41:01
  into that and said, OK, now you can look at do it like
• 41:04
  challenging yourself in this way to do something like this
• 41:07
  because you're not up every 45 minutes or every hour.
• 41:10
  Right. It's it's finding the reasonable
• 41:13
  challenge and, and realizing that everyone has their own
• 41:18
  crosses, rhythms, struggles and so and advantages, you could
• 41:23
  even say. And so to like hear from another
• 41:26
  mom. Oh yeah.
• 41:26
  Well, I get up every morning at 5:30, like, and by the way, the
• 41:29
  5:30 moms that are out there that do that come hell or high
• 41:32
  water and that's their thing and they do it well, wonderful.
• 41:35
  Yes. You know, like go like we're not
• 41:36
  shaming you either. Like you're inspiring.
• 41:39
  But just because another mom's doing it doesn't mean that every
• 41:42
  mom should. Do my point or has the.
• 41:45
  Capability and has the capability like some people
• 41:47
  physically need more sleep, you know, whatever it is like, so I
• 41:51
  struggle with depression as a teen and for me, like sleep is
• 41:55
  prayer. I mean it really it's like, do I
• 41:57
  wake up early and deprive like with the every two hours They're
• 42:00
  not, they're getting up and whatever.
• 42:02
  And it's that season. It's like, well, I could get up
• 42:04
  early and pray before them. But this season at this time,
• 42:07
  right now, my sleep is going to be part of my prayer because I
• 42:09
  need, I need and need and need it.
• 42:11
  Now there's other times during the day you can try to make time
• 42:14
  like you're walking them in the stroller and you know, this is
• 42:17
  my, this is a prayer walk. This is going to be a prayer
• 42:19
  walk too. But it has to, you have to adapt
• 42:22
  and find the rhythm that works for the state of life that
• 42:26
  you're in and not compare too much because those can get now
• 42:30
  you can be let yourself be inspired by other moms, but
• 42:35
  don't hold yourself to the standard that you perceive
• 42:37
  they're at. Otherwise it can get bad.
• 42:41
  It gets it gets ugly and you get off your kilter.
• 42:44
  You know, internally, yeah, it will comparison.
• 42:47
  His mom will mess you up and you will not be able to live out the
• 42:50
  life of abundance that the Lord has for you in motherhood.
• 42:53
  One of the game chasers for me with prayer and motherhood was
• 42:56
  looking at Matthew 25. I made a reel about this on
• 42:58
  Instagram. So many sweet women were like,
• 43:01
  oh, I never thought about it that way.
• 43:03
  Matthew 25 before I was hungry and you fed me.
• 43:05
  I was thirsty and you gave me a drink.
• 43:08
  I was naked and you clothed me. Like, how many times do I do
• 43:12
  that every single day? How many times do you do that
• 43:14
  every single day? And I talked about how when I
• 43:18
  decided to like, find Christ in the faces of my children.
• 43:21
  That's a Mary in prayer. Yeah.
• 43:23
  Well, 'cause that's Jesus. I mean, when he says, did you do
• 43:25
  these things for me? That's why.
• 43:27
  Like Mary is the Saint because she did that for him.
• 43:30
  Exactly so. And, and I was a prisoner and
• 43:33
  you visited me. I mean, she came to the cross.
• 43:36
  Yes. Almost everyone had left and
• 43:38
  he's imprisoned on the cross literally with nails and in and
• 43:42
  Jesus is there and most has left left him but Mary's one of the
• 43:45
  only at the foot. Yep, and he is a prisoner to the
• 43:48
  nails. He's there, you know, on the
• 43:51
  cross. Prisoner of love.
• 43:53
  Exactly. And I think it's really easy to
• 43:57
  think about that literally, right.
• 43:58
  I was a prisoner and you visited me.
• 44:00
  People who do amazing prison ministries and go and and then
• 44:03
  be with prisoners. And I was ill and you took care
• 44:06
  of me. It's easy to think about like
• 44:07
  nurses and doctors and people you know in our hospitals right
• 44:10
  now caring for so many ill people.
• 44:11
  But how mothers do this in a very unique way every single
• 44:16
  day. I was thirsty and you gave me a
• 44:17
  drink. Like how many times am I
• 44:18
  screwing on those sippy cup tops, you know, to give the.
• 44:21
  Prisoner for the for the mom. I'm stuck in my house because I
• 44:26
  taking care of you, right? Because every I'm a prisoner of
• 44:30
  throwing up this house. Yeah.
• 44:32
  Everybody in the house is throwing up and I'm so I'm a
• 44:34
  prisoner to the house. Yeah, I guess that would be a
• 44:37
  good example. But I love that Emily.
• 44:40
  That's so beautiful. Yeah, really lovely.
• 44:42
  Really gives you new eyes to see, to see like the people ask
• 44:46
  Christ. They're like, wait, whoa, whoa,
• 44:48
  whoa, like where were you like hungry?
• 44:51
  And we didn't. If you do like, where were you
• 44:52
  like first? And like we just do that every
• 44:55
  single day. But it's just about this
• 44:56
  perspective to say, like when I'm doing these things for my
• 45:00
  children, I'm doing these things like in service of Christ.
• 45:03
  And that is prayer, right? Caring for your sick child is
• 45:07
  prayer. And, you know, caring, giving
• 45:10
  your child a drink. Yeah.
• 45:12
  All this can change in a diaper. When it becomes an offering of
• 45:15
  service, that word offering really transformed my motherhood
• 45:17
  to that everything is an offering to say, Lauren, this is
• 45:21
  an offering of service and love to you to raise this child that
• 45:24
  you've entrusted me care. I'm gonna serve and I'm gonna
• 45:26
  serve and I'm gonna keep on serving even when it's like
• 45:29
  stretching me like a rubber band that's like pulled out to its
• 45:31
  maximum. When you think like, Oh my gosh,
• 45:33
  I don't know how much more I can take.
• 45:35
  And in those moments like for you, like 'cause that, that
• 45:39
  moment of like, 'cause there is that fine line, right?
• 45:41
  Of like, I don't know how much more I can take and you're gonna
• 45:45
  give a little more 'cause more is needed.
• 45:47
  Like that little 2 year old's not gonna change their own
• 45:49
  diaper or what? I think maybe they're not gonna
• 45:51
  potty train themselves, whatever it is, right?
• 45:52
  You they need to, but also recognizing that sometimes we
• 45:58
  need help. And so it's, it's, it's, it
• 46:00
  comes back to the prayer and intuition.
• 46:02
  It all comes back to these same, same things.
• 46:04
  And also like good counsel, like having people who love you or in
• 46:07
  your corner who understand what's going on, you can share
• 46:09
  with because sometimes like that rubber band that's being
• 46:13
  stretched and you're offering it, offering offering it, it can
• 46:16
  go too much to depletion and there's not a refill.
• 46:19
  Yes. There's no like, stop at the gas
• 46:20
  station to get the refill and you are on empty and you might
• 46:23
  crash. And moms sometimes do crash
• 46:26
  because they're not taking care of themselves.
• 46:28
  Yes. And that's not holiness, you
• 46:30
  know, even if the intention could have been really
• 46:32
  beautiful, like I'm sacrificing, that's, that's actually can just
• 46:36
  hurt you. You know, it's, it's not what
• 46:38
  I'm saying, I guess is, is that it's not holy to not take care
• 46:42
  of yourself, but it is holy to sacrifice.
• 46:46
  And there's a lot of Gray area there, of course.
• 46:49
  But you know, that's why I think like all the self-care stuff for
• 46:51
  moms is really beautiful and valuable.
• 46:53
  Yeah, that can also go too far. Like there's it's like a
• 46:55
  pendulum and can swing too far in One Direction or the other
• 46:58
  between like over indulgence and like over depletion, like not
• 47:03
  caring for ourselves. How do you handle that?
• 47:05
  What do you do to? That's know.
• 47:07
  Where you're. Learn to because I think in the
• 47:10
  beginning if you become a mother, you just, it's hard to
• 47:15
  say what you need. It's hard to figure out what you
• 47:16
  need, right? So I have C sections, right?
• 47:19
  So 2018, my son was born and you know, you have major surgery.
• 47:24
  They ask you to stand up three hours later and you're like,
• 47:26
  what is going on? And then over the next couple
• 47:27
  weeks, you're just immersed in this world of like the newborn
• 47:31
  and you're figuring things out like so rapidly and you.
• 47:34
  Physically can't, I mean. You're you're very.
• 47:37
  Literally wounded. Yes, so those are the first
• 47:41
  times where you're like, I don't even know what I need.
• 47:42
  I didn't even know how to tell my husband what I need because
• 47:44
  emotionally physical, like I have so many needs.
• 47:47
  Like, I don't like, how can I learn?
• 47:50
  And it's been a process of learning.
• 47:51
  Like, what do I need as a mom? What kind of support do I need
• 47:54
  to thrive as a mother? And how can I ask for that?
• 47:57
  And like, put words to that. And that is a learning process
• 48:01
  too, of saying, like, what do I actually need?
• 48:03
  Do I need to go on a hike? Or do I need to like spend
• 48:07
  quality time with a friend? Do I need to wake up early and
• 48:09
  pray or do I need to sleep? That's a real question 'cause
• 48:12
  sometimes you actually should wake up early and pray, and
• 48:14
  other times you should sleep. Like you said, a right
• 48:16
  challenge, like where, where we find how to challenge ourselves.
• 48:19
  And this is, you know, been in the process for me to
• 48:21
  challenging myself as a mother, not to a point of depletion, but
• 48:24
  like in in a right ordered way of like saying I I need to grow
• 48:28
  and I need to like push myself whatever way it is.
• 48:32
  But learning what you need as a mom and you like, we're, we're
• 48:35
  talking about Myers Briggs, like as a person, like, do you need
• 48:38
  to go out and just like socialize with friends for a
• 48:40
  couple hours And that's going to fill you up so much to the point
• 48:43
  that you're going to be a better mother, right?
• 48:45
  That the next day you're going to be like, Oh my gosh,
• 48:47
  yesterday I felt so snippy and just sure.
• 48:49
  And all these things. But like, I just spent like 2
• 48:51
  hours with like, you know, my really good friend and I just
• 48:54
  feel really replenished and rejuvenated.
• 48:57
  Learning what fills up your cup as a mom.
• 49:00
  I think that takes time too. For me, it's writing.
• 49:03
  And I had to figure out how to say like how to communicate that
• 49:07
  I need that to my husband to say like, you know, I want to write.
• 49:11
  That's like my favorite thing in the world and and telling him
• 49:14
  like I need to createspace in my life for writing and I need you
• 49:18
  to support me and doing that, you know, So typically that's an
• 49:21
  early morning thing as well sometimes.
• 49:24
  But like learning how to verbalize that can be very
• 49:28
  difficult when you're just learning so much and especially
• 49:30
  in the beginning when you just feel like you're drowning and
• 49:32
  all the things that you're learning and in, in, you know,
• 49:35
  spit up and all that kind of stuff.
• 49:37
  Learning how to verbalize that can be challenging, but it like
• 49:40
  you I I've learned a lot about that over time and I feel really
• 49:43
  a lot more confident now four years in with my littles than I
• 49:46
  did in the first three weeks. Well, and that gets into another
• 49:49
  topic for another time, which is the the dynamic with your
• 49:52
  spouse. Yes.
• 49:53
  About if you're blessed with the spouse, the dynamic of your
• 49:57
  spouse of like how to navigate parenting with your spouse.
• 50:01
  I mean, some people maybe it's like super easy.
• 50:03
  Other people, it's like all kinds of new challenges you
• 50:05
  weren't anticipating. But OK, so a few just like fun
• 50:10
  questions to close us out here. So what is 1 product that you
• 50:14
  cannot live without as a mom? Oh good question.
• 50:20
  A product that I cannot live without.
• 50:22
  Like anything from like baby stuff?
• 50:25
  It could be a baby stuff thing, or it's something that since
• 50:27
  becoming a mom you personally can't live without.
• 50:29
  Just like a product. It could be a food, it could be
• 50:31
  an item, it could be decor, it could be clothing, it could be
• 50:34
  something for kids with something that you didn't you
• 50:38
  could live without before I become mom and now your mom.
• 50:39
  You can't. A really nice water bottle.
• 50:43
  Hmm, Hydration, hydration. As a mom, I have a friend.
• 50:48
  She's like, whenever anybody has a problem, she's like, have you
• 50:50
  been drinking water lately? You know, if someone's like
• 50:52
  upset about something, she's like, when was the last time you
• 50:54
  drank water and hydration? As a mom?
• 50:56
  Nursing my sons. I've nursed my sons far longer
• 50:58
  than I ever imagined or thought I would.
• 51:00
  So that's been a really important part of that.
• 51:02
  And just hydration is key. So real, like investing in a
• 51:05
  really nice water bottle that you enjoy drinking from.
• 51:08
  I like that. That's also washable in the
• 51:10
  dishwasher and not hand washable.
• 51:11
  Yeah, I like I always flip it over like is this I can put this
• 51:15
  in the dishwasher, right? Because why do they do that?
• 51:17
  Why do they create items that you use for convenience that you
• 51:20
  then you have to hand wash? It just seems wildly.
• 51:24
  Unless you don't have a dishwasher and then you're like,
• 51:26
  well, sure. Well, you can always you.
• 51:28
  Can dish. You can hand wash a dishwash
• 51:30
  item though. That's true.
• 51:31
  You can't dishwash A handwash. That's true.
• 51:33
  OK, the next question, What has been the funnest moment for you
• 51:35
  of the last month? Funnest moment for me in the
• 51:37
  last month, picking out our Christmas tree.
• 51:41
  My sons now, it's so fun. It's a little more hands off
• 51:44
  because they're four and two and my 2 year old is even pretty
• 51:46
  independent. They were running like all over
• 51:48
  the Christmas, like all down the lines and I could like see them
• 51:51
  from far away like like my older son was like sweating through
• 51:55
  his clothes by the time we were done picking our tree and just
• 51:58
  having so much fun. Yeah, they helped pick it, Yes.
• 52:01
  And that's when you actually went.
• 52:02
  They're like, I like that one. You're like, that one's not
• 52:04
  good. Yes, we have.
• 52:05
  We kind of picked it as a family and we it's a well like a
• 52:10
  tradition my whole life with my family and so just to see my
• 52:12
  sons there enjoying was really special.
• 52:15
  That's the fun thing is like bringing your traditions into
• 52:17
  your family is like fun to do. So that was great.
• 52:20
  So sweet. OK, and then what is your one
• 52:23
  mom treat that you is a go to for you?
• 52:27
  Oh. My one mom.
• 52:28
  What's a mom? Treat.
• 52:29
  We're having rose and chocolate here, which isn't even my mom
• 52:33
  treat, but we did it today because it's kind of a treat.
• 52:36
  But what's a mom treat that you love?
• 52:38
  I like I like a really nice iced coffee.
• 52:41
  I like a good, just like a good quality coffee.
• 52:45
  Speaking of all of like the little sleepless nights like I
• 52:48
  can, I enjoy that. Do you, do you make it yourself
• 52:50
  or you have a place to go that like there's like?
• 52:52
  Different places around town that I enjoy going.
• 52:54
  Can I ask you what's your problem Product you can't live
• 52:56
  without? Oh, my gosh.
• 52:57
  I wasn't planning to. OK, I'll let her.
• 52:59
  I'm gonna do it. What's my one product?
• 53:01
  My one product I can't live without hand lotion, body
• 53:06
  lotion, but I really like feel nourishes my body.
• 53:10
  I don't know, I don't know, dry skin maybe it's also just like
• 53:12
  time of year, but I feel like how my skin feels.
• 53:16
  As a mom like. Washing, diapering, I don't
• 53:20
  know. I lotion.
• 53:21
  OK, love it. OK, what was the other question
• 53:24
  I asked? Funnest moment Funnest moment in
• 53:26
  the last month? What is the funnest moment in
• 53:30
  the last month? We went and got Donuts.
• 53:33
  That was really fun. And watching my son really pick
• 53:36
  out his doughnut and like change his mind 10 times.
• 53:40
  I don't know, there's something about like a child and a
• 53:42
  doughnut. But it's cool to watch my, like
• 53:45
  process of thinking, my son does that if we.
• 53:47
  Like back in the day when he was small, every once in a while he
• 53:50
  would get to pick out a hot wheel at the store and to watch
• 53:53
  him like he's very analytical, like my husband with his
• 53:56
  selection, like, like looking at every single one and really
• 53:59
  thinking, I'm like, I'm learning so much about you right now
• 54:01
  watching you do this. Oh, like a different, like, this
• 54:04
  is like every couple of months. Yeah.
• 54:06
  It was a. Different.
• 54:06
  Very cute. And he was think about the ones
• 54:08
  that he already had and, like, think about it.
• 54:10
  Yeah. So I would love.
• 54:11
  I was like, oh, I'm learning so much watching you do this.
• 54:14
  Well, it's cute with Peter 'cause he like, goes for the
• 54:16
  like, brightest, colorful one first, and then he like,
• 54:19
  reconsiders 'cause he notices there's other choices.
• 54:22
  And then he usually lands on something and like, it's so
• 54:25
  much. It's so cute, it's so fun.
• 54:28
  And then your mom treat. I mean, my first thought to my
• 54:32
  mind was my hot coffee in the morning, but that's not, I don't
• 54:35
  know if that's enough of a treat 'cause it's like you just need
• 54:37
  your coffee. But it's a very ritual thing for
• 54:39
  me too. I do love the dark chocolate
• 54:43
  pretzels from Trader Joe's. Put that in the cupboard and I
• 54:47
  like around 2:00 PM if I'm working from home or whatever,
• 54:50
  I'll like like our babysitter was there the other day and like
• 54:53
  I came home and I went right to the like to the cover or right
• 54:56
  to the pantry. And I'm like in there with my
• 54:58
  little. I do like Bob the trees, like
• 55:00
  I'm like standing there and she's like, oh, you're home.
• 55:02
  I'm like, yeah, I'm just like re entering the workplace and I'm
• 55:07
  getting my pretzel. So they're really good.
• 55:09
  Tasty. I'll have to try it.
• 55:10
  Yeah. Maybe next time.
• 55:12
  Well, thanks for the chocolates today.
• 55:13
  These are pretty awesome. Yeah.
• 55:14
  Thanks for chatting. Appreciate you so much.
• 55:17
  Thanks for having me. You're an awesome mom.
• 55:18
  You're an awesome mom too. And I don't think moms can hear
• 55:21
  that enough. That's true.
• 55:22
  Just you know, if you're out, you see a mom.
• 55:24
  But you. Really, You really are an
• 55:26
  awesome mom because I've seen you with your boys and you're
• 55:28
  just collected and loving and fun and thanks.
• 55:32
  You're. I love being a mother.
• 55:34
  I love being a mother. And I'm so grateful for that.
• 55:36
  You're rocking it. Thanks.
• 55:38
  You wanna make a toast? OK, Yeah, I will toast to.
• 55:42
  To the mothers who are living and loving and serving and
• 55:46
  digging in every single day. That's my toast.
• 55:49
  And who's yours too? Well, we'll make them both
• 55:51
  together. To all the mothers, let's start
• 55:56
  again. What happened?
• 55:57
  Wait, what was the matter? He can laugh.
• 55:58
  He can laugh, audience. Participation.
• 56:01
  Oh God. OK, and I'm gonna toast to mom
• 56:04
  friendship, OK? Because I think mothers need
• 56:06
  each other and I appreciate you being here.
• 56:09
  I absolutely agree with you. I'll tears my microphone up.
• 56:13
  That's everybody listening. Cheers for being part of this
• 56:16
  friendship. Cheers to our sponsor.
• 56:20
  This is actually not a sponsor, but maybe they will sponsor us.
• 56:23
  Yeah. Sophia, thank you.
• 56:24
  Actually is good. I don't like that name, Sophia.
• 56:28
  Thank you.