Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E70: How Men Succeed In Marriage

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E70: How Men Succeed In Marriage · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  It is somewhat comical and tragic to watch liberal women go
• 0:04
  on social media and complain about, well, where are all the
• 0:07
  real men at? Where are all the men that want
• 0:09
  to be a protector and a provider?
• 0:10
  It's like you told them they're toxic and and some of them
• 0:13
  believed you. Culture will eventually produce
• 0:15
  the sort of men it's asking for and and right now it's asking
• 0:17
  for weak, emasculated men. And turns out nobody likes the
• 0:20
  results. Hey guys, welcome back to the
• 0:27
  Lila Rose podcast. Today we're going to have on
• 0:29
  Nick Fritas, who's a Virginia State delegate.
• 0:31
  He actually just won his RE election last night in Virginia.
• 0:34
  There were races across the country and he's also a
• 0:37
  podcaster to YouTube. He talks a lot of masculinity
• 0:39
  and marriage. So we're going to get into that.
• 0:42
  Quick note, please pray and redouble your efforts with us at
• 0:45
  Live action for the pro-life movement because there were some
• 0:48
  losses. I mean, Nick did win his re
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  election, but Ohio proposition or issue 1 past which enshrines
• 0:54
  abortion in the state constitution.
• 0:56
  I have a lot of thoughts on that.
• 0:58
  I'm sharing them online. I if you get live actions emails
• 1:00
  and you're part of our list, you'll see my thoughts and my
• 1:02
  kind of rehash of that. But the movement has to double
• 1:05
  down on showing abortion for what it is, an active homicide
• 1:09
  against a child. That's the only way we're going
• 1:11
  to get people to reject it if they actually know what abortion
• 1:14
  is. In this conversation with Nick,
• 1:15
  we talk about really the solution to abortion culture at
• 1:19
  large, which is strong marriages, strong men and strong
• 1:22
  women. He has a lot to share.
• 1:23
  I think it's going to be great and I think you'll enjoy this
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• 2:27
  Nick, welcome to the podcast. Oh, thank you very much for
• 2:30
  having me. So you just had a big day
• 2:33
  yesterday. We're filming this on a
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  Wednesday. Yesterday was the election in
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  Virginia as well in other states or some big disappointments
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  coming from the on the pro-life side, Ohio voters and training
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  abortion in their state constitution.
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  But a bright side is you just won re election yesterday.
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  Well, I, I was certainly happy about winning re election, but
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  we, we look to be honest, we had a tough night in Virginia as
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  well. We weren't able to take the
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  Senate and we ended up losing the House by, I think at this
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  point, one seat. Ouch.
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  What's your what's your take? So you, you know, folks, are
• 3:08
  some of the folks listening have some familiarity with your
• 3:11
  familiarity with your background going to share?
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  I want to hear more about that in a moment.
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  But what's your take? I mean, everyone is looking at
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  what happened yesterday and really concerned about the
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  pro-life cause, concerned about going into 2024.
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  What's your take on it? I think there's a lot of
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  problems that the country is facing right now.
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  I, I think there's, obviously each state has individual issues
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  with their elections that they're trying to combat and,
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  and various issues which are more prominent.
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  But I, I think there's a larger cultural battle that's going on
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  right now that is undermining a lot of races across the country.
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  I know that our, our speaker put in just an absolute ton of work.
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  Governor Younkin put in a ton of work and, and individual
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  candidates did as well. So I can't look at any and one
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  individual person and say, hey, they weren't, they weren't doing
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  everything they could to potentially win.
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  But I, I just think we have some underlying cultural issues that
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  we're going to have to effectively address.
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  And abortion is one of the major ones, if not the major one, that
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  that we're going to have to address on a cultural level as
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  well as a legislative issue. So I, I want to get into your
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  background because one of the reasons I'm excited to have you
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  on the show today is obviously you're a delegate in, in
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  Virginia, but you're also very much doing the culture battle
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  stuff. I mean, you have YouTube, a
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  YouTube channel, you're very big on Instagram, reaching millions
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  of people. A lot of your messages really
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  resonate, I think, with young men but also young women.
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  So let's start with a little bit about your background and how
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  you got into politics and then how you got into influencing
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  online, because they're sometimes the same but also very
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  different. No, it was funny.
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  I remember the first time I I was doing an MC event for Family
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  Foundation in Virginia and they introduced me as a state
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  delegate and social media personality.
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  I was. Like what?
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  Did you just call me? No, My, my background.
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  I I enlisted in the military right out of high school.
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  My wife and I got married about less than a year out of high
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  school. I was 19, she was 20.
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  She loves that I, I make sure everyone knows that she was nine
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  months older than me. She likes to tell people that
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  the reason why it happened that way is because when she was
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  being born, God knew she would need a project.
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  And so, you know, nine months later, I was there.
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  But yeah, I got married right out of high school, served in
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  the Second Airborne Division, 25th Infantry and 911th,
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  happened and volunteered for Army Special Forces and did a
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  couple of combat tours over in Iraq as a Green Beret with First
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  Special Forces Group. Tina and I had all three of our
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  children when I was in the military and got out in, gosh,
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  it was June of 2009. So I'd done 11 years active duty
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  and we ended up moving to Virginia.
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  And my, my mom had been involved in, in politics when I was
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  younger. She'd been the head of a
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  Republican women's organization and had been active, been pretty
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  active in, in California politics.
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  And so that, that was, that certainly got me involved.
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  I never really thought I would run for elected office.
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  I thought maybe I'd work on the advisory side with things like
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  foreign policy, counterterrorism, things of that
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  nature and got involved locally, started working on various
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  campaigns. And I got asked if I would run
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  for the House of Delegates and I said no.
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  Why? Why did you say no?
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  I, I think it was a couple of things.
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  One was I was, I was still fairly new to Virginia at that
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  point. And the, the second I, I thought
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  it was important, one of the things they, they really beat
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  into you in the military is understand your operational
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  environment, especially when you're working as part of AA12
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  man team in, in a combat zone. And I, I, I wanted to actually
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  understand the area and feel like I, I really understood it
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  before I, I would even presume to consider something like that.
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  The other side was, is I, I just didn't see it as something that
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  I was going to do again. I, I like the idea of, of
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  helping other people out. And, and initially my Tina
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  really was not too sure about us being in the public light like
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  that in our family and everything else, because they
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  don't just come after you. They, they come after everyone.
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  And it was about two years later where, you know, Tina and a good
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  friend of mine, Christian Heinz, who's actually now my, my Co
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  host on making the argument, they both said, look, Nick, you
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  know, you can't keep talking about the problems with this
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  and, and not be willing to actually go in there yourself.
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  And that's always the way to get me to do something is to, to
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  make me feel like I'm not doing enough.
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  So they, they talked me into it and we did a lot of prayer over
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  it. And I put my hat in the ring and
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  lo and behold, the incumbent decided to retire.
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  And so my first election was unopposed.
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  I've never had that. I've never had that privilege
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  before or since then. But that's that's how I
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  eventually got into elected office here in Virginia.
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  And it's been 7 years that you've been in office?
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  Eight years. I just got reelected so I 2 two
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  more years to go. OK, so what's it like?
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  OK, you're the dad of three. You're an Army vet.
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  You were also now eight years going strong in the House of
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  Delegates, and you are doing a ton of stuff in the culture
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  space, you know, podcasting and influencing, social media
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  influencing. And then you're also, I think,
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  homeschooling and home studying. Is that right?
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  Yes, yeah, we are. My oldest daughter is about to
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  turn 21, so she's she's graduated.
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  We homeschooled her pretty much since kindergarten, first grade,
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  first grade. She had one year when she went
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  back into public school and we, we took her right back out.
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  And then my son just turned 18. He's finishing up his senior
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  year. And then my youngest daughter is
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  about to turn 16. So we've got a few years left
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  there. But yeah, we, we've
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  homeschooled. And yeah, about two years ago,
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  we, we started kind of dipping our toe in the water with, with
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  homesteading, mainly because we, you know, we wanted to be able
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  to expand kind of what we were doing with our garden.
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  We wanted our, our kids to have the responsibility and
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  experience on being able to grow and raise your own food.
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  And so it's been a, but I have to tell you, I, I, I came for
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  the resilience, but I stayed for the people, if that makes sense,
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  that the homesteading community is just a, it is really just a
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  breath of fresh air. It is so nice to be able to go
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  to one of these conferences. Homesteaders of America is a
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  great group out here that we participate with.
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  And seriously, I, I go to Richmond and it gets depressing
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  and then I come out to the Homesteaders of America
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  conference and I just, I just feel rejuvenated.
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  It's just great being around the people.
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  And you don't just have plants that you have real animals on
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  your homestead, right? We, we do.
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  We've done pigs, we've done goats, we've done meat chickens,
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  we have Lane chickens, we have Peacocks because we hate
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  ourselves. They're, they're pretty to look
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  at, but kind of loud and yeah, and you know, dogs and cats and
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  stuff like that. But yeah, as far as our
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  livestock animals, that the most the most dangerous place for our
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  bank account is when my youngest daughter and I go to the poultry
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  auction because chicken math is a real thing and it always
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  equals multiplication, so. So no eggs though.
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  It's just just chickens for me. Oh.
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  No, no, we do. We do eggs as well.
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  In fact, we were, I got to tell you, Lily, we were feeling
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  pretty baller when when the egg prices were shooting up And
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  we're like walking into church with like, you know, you get a
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  dozen eggs, you get a dozen eggs.
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  It's just how we roll, right? So.
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  What a what a work of love, just handing them out.
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  Yeah, it's been. Great.
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  OK, well, what I want to get into first, I mean, there's a
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  lot to talk about, but I want to start with men because there is
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  a, you know, people talk about the crisis of feminism today and
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  femininity. There's definitely a crisis of
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  masculinity today. There's a new data, there's new
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  data coming out of Pew that says that among young adults, 1/3 of
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  women are single, but a full and astonishing 63% of young men are
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  single. And, you know, you have the rise
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  of red pill online. You have the rise of, you know,
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  that I don't know, the derogatory term is the better,
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  the better male, you know, who is just not really doing much
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  with his life. And generally speaking, I think
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  there is a sense of dissatisfaction.
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  You know, economically men are struggling.
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  What's I know you talk about this a lot.
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  What, you got married at 19? Let's start with what is your
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  take on why we are where we are culturally with this crisis of
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  masculinity? So I, I think, I think a lot of
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  it has to do with, it's very easy to just pick on feminism,
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  modern feminism. And, and I do think that has a
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  lot to do with it. But I, I also think that there's
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  been kind of a larger identity crisis in the country, both on
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  a, on a national level, because we don't, we don't generally
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  agree on our, our shared history.
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  We don't generally agree on where we are on the present.
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  And so we don't agree on where we should be going.
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  And modern feminism's contribution to that has been
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  this idea of making this a, a battle between men and women.
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  I think early on feminism where it was the idea of, hey, women
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  should have equal rights before the law and they should be able
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  to vote and own property. I think that's stuff that are
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  all noble objectives when it comes into the realm now of, of,
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  you know, 2nd and, and especially 3rd wave feminism
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  where it's this idea that men are the enemy.
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  And I, I really think it's also created this idea that the state
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  is the ally of women against men, that that's created a great
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  deal of hostility and frustration, I think between the
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  sexes. It's also created a great deal
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  of frustration with respect to what, what is men's proper role
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  within society? I think when men look at it as
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  something where they have an obligation to be husbands and to
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  be fathers and to be good husbands and fathers, to be
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  protectors, to be providers, they feel like they have a place
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  in the world. And it's, that's an incredibly,
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  that's an incredibly important composition for any civil or
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  excuse me, a position for any civilization.
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  You don't want a lot of young, frustrated men running around
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  that don't see any sort of future for themselves that that
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  tends to yield really, really bad results for society.
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  And I would say for women specifically.
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  By the same token, you, you've had this idea that masculinity
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  and, and this is one of the things that that the left, and I
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  always distinguish between the left and liberals, but this is
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  one of the things the left always does.
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  And it's this concept of they, they create this very broad
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  category, toxic masculinity. And, and it, it ends up
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  including things like competitiveness, aggression, a
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  capacity for violence, stoicism or, or not wanting to appear
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  weak or vulnerable. And they, and they list these
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  things as toxic. And then when you start to call
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  them on it, they, they then narrowly define it once again
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  to, Oh no, no, we just mean like abusive behavior.
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  It's like, OK, well, that's not what you're teaching young men.
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  I, I think we also see this within the public school system.
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  I tell people all the time, one of the reasons why I home school
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  is because public school was not created with your child in mind.
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  Public school was created with the mass production of education
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  in mind. And if you really look at our
• 13:56
  system, it was based off of what an 18th century Prussian model
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  designed to make really good conscripts.
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  So this idea that it is especially not conducive for
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  young boys who typically have a lot of energy and are, are a lot
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  of times more kinetic in the way that they learn, they have to
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  physically do stuff. Well, when you create an
• 14:15
  educational environment where it's sit down, shut up, read
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  this, repeat this, boys don't do well in that environment.
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  And, and we're, we're seeing this both within our public
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  school system, we're seeing this within college.
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  We have a university system, which I think has been overrun
• 14:30
  with a combination of critical theory and, and all of its
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  various offshoots combined with postmodernism.
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  So that's this idea that there's there's no objective truth,
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  there's no overarching meta narrative that we're supposed to
• 14:41
  live our life by. And then you, you put on top of
• 14:45
  this that everything is now based off of power structures.
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  And men are are, you know, the patriarchy they represent, You
• 14:51
  know, every man is now guilty for anything any man did at any
• 14:54
  point in in the past. And, and what's fascinating
• 14:57
  about all of this is not only is it making men horribly unhappy,
• 15:00
  it's making women horribly unhappy.
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  It, it is somewhat comical and tragic to watch liberal women go
• 15:07
  on social media and complain about, well, where are all the,
• 15:11
  where are all the real men at? Where are all the men that want
• 15:13
  to like be a protector and a provider?
• 15:15
  It's like you told them they're toxic and, and some of them
• 15:19
  believed you. So I, I think that's all a part
• 15:23
  of it. And then you, you take that kind
• 15:25
  of perfect storm and you add to it the what they're calling the
• 15:30
  red pill in the manosphere. And now you have been coming on
• 15:34
  where when, when I look at a lot of them, 75% of what they're
• 15:38
  saying, I totally agree with 75% of like a, you know, get up, go
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  to the gym, work out, read, become intellectually, you know,
• 15:47
  capable, become professionally capable, become physically
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  capable. Because this is what it's, this
• 15:52
  is what you need to do as a man. But then when you look at the
• 15:54
  way they talk about relationships, it's the sort of
• 15:57
  thing with like, and you're going to become a top G and the
• 16:00
  way you're going to be a top G is you're going to rack up a
• 16:02
  huge body count. And, and because that's what
• 16:05
  real men do, real men are rich and successful and powerful and
• 16:08
  they can, they can beat up, you know, they can beat somebody up,
• 16:10
  they can protect, they can provide.
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  And that's what's going to get them a never ending source of of
• 16:14
  beautiful women that they're going to have a bunch of casual
• 16:16
  hookups with. But but all those beautiful
• 16:18
  women, by the way, should be virgins, right?
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  I mean, that's the crazy part of the the mentality is like the
• 16:24
  woman needs to be the virgin. We you know, we want the high
• 16:27
  body count. I'm like, well, how do you get a
• 16:29
  virgin women then? If you're just constantly
• 16:31
  sleeping with women doesn't make sense.
• 16:32
  The. Crazy part about your, this is
• 16:34
  the crazy part about your interaction, your interaction
• 16:36
  with Justin Waller on whatever podcast, right?
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  Is that you, you know, again, Justin Waller, 75% of what
• 16:42
  Justin Waller says about various things I can look at and say I
• 16:45
  can appreciate where he's coming from and what he's saying.
• 16:48
  And then you pointed out the obvious contradiction in his
• 16:50
  argument, which is him looking at a bunch of club girls saying
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  if you do this, you're not going to be able to attract the sort
• 16:55
  of man that wants to provide for you, wants to protect you, wants
• 16:58
  to do all those other things. OK, Justin, Fairpoint.
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  But you're also saying that you don't possess the discipline or
• 17:05
  the desire to actually be faithful to one woman.
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  Well, then, OK, by process of elimination here, deductive
• 17:12
  reasoning, you're contributing to the sort of female behavior
• 17:16
  which you say is undesirable in a wife.
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  And, and so you're, you're contributing to the problem that
• 17:22
  you're attempting to address. And, and the thing I want men to
• 17:25
  understand is it, it's very easy to fall into this idea that
• 17:30
  because, because men that are maybe good looking, tall and
• 17:34
  successful can go out and have a bunch of meaningless sex, that
• 17:38
  therefore that's the pinnacle or that's a part of the pinnacle or
• 17:42
  one of the the designating factors of what makes you a high
• 17:46
  quality man. Not only is that not true, not
• 17:49
  only does that not only contribute to a bunch of things
• 17:51
  that are societally bad and bad for women, it's also incredibly
• 17:56
  bad for men. You, you are accepting A
• 17:59
  diminished view of what a healthy relationship is supposed
• 18:02
  to look like, not to mention what a healthy sex life is
• 18:06
  supposed to look like, right? That this whole idea that this
• 18:09
  is all about body count, you know, look, being a green Beret,
• 18:14
  obviously I, I served in a unit where we, we had a lot of guys
• 18:18
  that took that view of, of the world, right?
• 18:20
  They were, you know, they're in shape guys.
• 18:22
  They tend to be very, very confident.
• 18:24
  They can walk into a bar, they can walk into a club, you know,
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  and they don't got to spend the night alone if they don't want
• 18:28
  to, right? And they used to always tease me
• 18:31
  that, you know, Nick, you got married at 19, you know, this is
• 18:33
  and they used to always joke around.
• 18:35
  I remember looking at a guy one night.
• 18:36
  I kind of had enough of it. I said, let me explain something
• 18:39
  to you, dude. And I said, you have a bunch of
• 18:42
  meaningless hookups with a bunch of women that you don't care
• 18:45
  about and quite frankly don't care about you.
• 18:48
  I said I've been with one woman, my wife, who I love, who I
• 18:51
  adore, who is gorgeous, who is beautiful, that I respect that,
• 18:55
  that I am building a life with having kids with that.
• 18:58
  You know, we have dreams together and then we go out and
• 19:00
  we accomplish those things together, right?
• 19:02
  And one of the best gifts that I could ever give her is that when
• 19:08
  we're together, she never has to wonder if I'm thinking of
• 19:11
  somebody else. Never.
• 19:12
  And when you start to understand something about the way that
• 19:15
  women look at intimacy, the fact that she has that security, that
• 19:20
  she knows I am faithful to her and I am devoted to her, and
• 19:22
  she's the only one, I'm sorry, but that that sows the seeds not
• 19:26
  only for a good relationship, that sows the seeds for
• 19:28
  incredible intimacy within that relationship.
• 19:31
  And because you've been busy racking up this body count, do
• 19:34
  you know how difficult it is for you to be able to have that with
• 19:37
  somebody one day? I mean, I, I believe in
• 19:39
  redemption. I, I believe in, in being able
• 19:42
  to, to recover from the past and be able to have a good marriage
• 19:45
  and a good relationship. But do you realize how much
• 19:46
  baggage you're bringing into that relationship, not just for
• 19:49
  you, but for her? So no, dude, I want to trade my
• 19:53
  place and what I have with my wife for the meaningless hookups
• 19:56
  that you've had for for one second.
• 19:58
  And he looked at me. He finally looked at me.
• 19:59
  He goes, you know what, dude? He goes.
• 20:01
  Look, bottom line is we all wish we had what you had.
• 20:03
  Wow. Yeah, I said.
• 20:04
  Yeah, I know you do. I know you do.
• 20:06
  Thanks for admitting it. So sad.
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  order. Do you think it's a lack of I
• 20:49
  mean, you were living that thing that deep down he's admitting I
• 20:53
  want that. But do you think part of it,
• 20:55
  too, is, you know, so many of us, you know, millennials,
• 20:58
  certainly Gen. Z ers, are raised in broken
• 21:00
  families? I think the numbers, over 50%
• 21:03
  are not from intact families today, You know, fourth of all
• 21:06
  children in America are raised by single mothers.
• 21:09
  They don't even have a father who's involved in any serious
• 21:12
  way in their life. So how much of that is making
• 21:16
  men think that, OK, the way I relate to women romantically is
• 21:21
  kind of domination and power and just sort of like use basically
• 21:26
  like, I'm going to use you for sex versus, you know, respect
• 21:29
  and commitment and that like, love, lifelong love story.
• 21:33
  So my parents got divorced when I was three.
• 21:35
  My mom got remarried, got divorced again.
• 21:37
  My wife's parents got divorced when she was very young.
• 21:41
  The the one thing that was really beneficial for both of us
• 21:44
  is that our parents didn't make excuses for the failures in
• 21:49
  their own relationships. They didn't pretend like, oh
• 21:51
  this is just something that happens and sometimes it doesn't
• 21:53
  work out. They both admitted that it was a
• 21:56
  failure and that it shouldn't be repeated.
• 21:59
  They also they also were were Christians.
• 22:01
  My wife and I are are are strong Christians.
• 22:04
  And so we had this idea that there is a way this is supposed
• 22:09
  to be done, and simply because it wasn't modeled for us doesn't
• 22:12
  mean it doesn't work. Or that it's not possible,
• 22:15
  right? I mean, because you, you had the
• 22:17
  courage to believe it's possible for us, even though our parents
• 22:21
  struggled and failed, you know, made these big errors.
• 22:24
  You had this courage at 19 and 20, which is remarkable.
• 22:28
  And you've been faithful to it to say we're going to do a
• 22:30
  different, do it differently. Where did you get that courage?
• 22:33
  Well, so I don't, I know it was courageous.
• 22:35
  I, I don't know that it was courageous, right?
• 22:37
  I, I think it was more so when, when we were, when we're in high
• 22:42
  school and it, and it, we, we both started recognizing that we
• 22:45
  were serious about one another. We started having conversations
• 22:49
  about what our expectations were like, you know, we, we had
• 22:52
  conversations about what do we believe?
• 22:53
  And people always get on to me about this and say, well, Nick,
• 22:56
  as long as you have good communication, as long as you
• 22:58
  have all these other things that you guys talked about with
• 23:00
  respect to expectations and being honest and you know,
• 23:02
  etcetera, etcetera. That what, why does, why does
• 23:04
  the faith component matter so much?
• 23:06
  And I always tell people like, look, dude, I'm not going to,
• 23:09
  I'm not going to give you the successful worldview without
• 23:12
  also giving you the creator of that successful worldview.
• 23:16
  We didn't come up with this on our own.
• 23:17
  Now, obviously, you can exhibit certain traits, you can set up
• 23:21
  certain rules for yourself, and there will be natural benefits
• 23:24
  as a result of those rules. The real question though, is
• 23:26
  that ultimately when something difficult happens, when
• 23:28
  something bad happens, what keeps you there and what keeps
• 23:32
  you there as you believe it's true you you believe it's
• 23:34
  correct and right and noble and beautiful and worth fighting
• 23:37
  for. And that's not something that
• 23:39
  you just get because two people had an agreement that they had
• 23:41
  similar life goals. That's something that you commit
• 23:44
  to because both of you have a commitment that there is such a
• 23:46
  thing as objective truth, objective morality.
• 23:48
  We believe in this and we're willing to fight for it because
• 23:51
  we believe in the promise of it. And, and one of the most
• 23:54
  wonderful things for my wife and I is that my oldest daughter is
• 23:57
  now engaged to a great guy, wonderful guy.
• 23:59
  We are so happy. You know, my, my son, we didn't
• 24:03
  let any of our kids date until they were 18.
• 24:05
  And people say, well, that's so harsh.
• 24:07
  Really. We saved our kids so much
• 24:09
  emotional like trauma and, and be by by telling them, not by
• 24:14
  telling them like, look, we don't want you to date because
• 24:16
  it's bad for you. We told them we want you to have
• 24:18
  what we have. We want, we want you to have a
• 24:20
  relationship where you can see that mommy and daddy love each
• 24:23
  other and that it is, it is, it is her and I against the world,
• 24:27
  right. And, and you, you know that
• 24:29
  because you've seen it. You've seen it your entire time
• 24:30
  growing up. And we want you to have that.
• 24:33
  And here's, here's the things that you do to get it.
• 24:36
  But I, I would just say that part of it is about making this,
• 24:38
  making a decision on what do you believe is true and, and laying
• 24:43
  that good foundation and then building from there.
• 24:46
  But I, I think one of the problems that we've had within
• 24:48
  the, the Christian community is this idea that we talked about
• 24:51
  all the things that you're not supposed to do.
• 24:53
  And we don't do a good job of, of explaining, no, you, you
• 24:56
  don't do those things because it robs you of something that is so
• 24:59
  much better. And if you do these things, then
• 25:02
  this is what you get. And when you compare that with
• 25:06
  with the meaningless trash that the world is trying to sell you
• 25:08
  on, I mean, look how unhappy everyone is as a result of what
• 25:12
  they're doing. I mean, yeah, it may look like
• 25:14
  fun when they're when they're in the club, or it may look like
• 25:16
  fun when when they're taking the pictures.
• 25:19
  I'm sorry, but Andrew Tate can never experience with all those
• 25:24
  hookups when I get to experience with my wife, because it's, it's
• 25:28
  not just this when when we're together, it's not just response
• 25:32
  to stimuli, right? This is this is the woman I love
• 25:35
  and respect and and I'm deeply passionate about, right?
• 25:38
  When it's when we're building a life together.
• 25:40
  It's not that I have dreams and she has dreams.
• 25:43
  And let's hope if they sync up, we built our dreams together.
• 25:46
  They're our dreams. And when we accomplish them, we
• 25:49
  accomplish them together. And when we find troubles or
• 25:52
  when we find adversity, we accomplish it together.
• 25:54
  And people look at me like, well, Nick, that's lucky for
• 25:57
  you. No, it isn't luck.
• 25:59
  If you're waiting around for luck to solve your world's
• 26:01
  problems, I got bad news for you.
• 26:02
  Your life's going to suck it. It's a worldview.
• 26:06
  It it's a way of viewing the various challenges and
• 26:10
  opportunities that come about and knowing that her and I are
• 26:12
  are one. We are team and that's it.
• 26:15
  And we also know what our roles are within that relationship.
• 26:18
  That's, that's nothing. That's, that's it.
• 26:20
  It's it's amazing to me this, this mindset that tells that
• 26:26
  really tells women like my wife and I were talking about this at
• 26:28
  one point. And it was this whole idea that
• 26:31
  as I look at modern feminism, if if you were to just if you were
• 26:34
  to just sit me down and say, OK, Nick, here's all the tenants of
• 26:37
  modern feminism, I would be like, this was written by a
• 26:40
  licentious dude that just wanted to sleep around.
• 26:43
  So that. Would that would be the
• 26:44
  conclusion I would come to? The sexual revolution is for
• 26:47
  basically the worst. It's for male lust.
• 26:50
  I mean, that's it's designed for that, for that end in mind.
• 26:53
  And it's not, I mean, women are not happy in the end.
• 26:55
  And yeah, men who live by lust are not happy either, to your
• 26:58
  point. So no one, no one wins.
• 27:01
  And then you get abortion on demand out of it too.
• 27:03
  And, and just the sheer blood, bloodletting of that.
• 27:07
  When it diminishes it, it by definition diminishes human
• 27:10
  life. When when we start coming up
• 27:12
  with arbitrary, arbitrary rules by which life can be destroyed
• 27:16
  because you find it inconvenient.
• 27:18
  And that's what this boils down to the, the idea that that's
• 27:22
  going to stay isolated within the question of abortion and not
• 27:25
  actually leak into every other aspect of, of life and humanity
• 27:28
  and, and human interaction. That's absurd.
• 27:31
  Like nobody, nobody who understands anything about human
• 27:35
  interaction or philosophy would, would tell you that you can take
• 27:39
  a certain sector of the population, dehumanize them, and
• 27:43
  destroy them for no reason greater than you find them
• 27:45
  inconvenient, and then tell you that that's not going to have
• 27:48
  repercussions throughout the rest of society.
• 27:50
  Completely true. So what's the practical?
• 27:53
  What would be your practical advice?
• 27:55
  I mean, it sounds like you both you and your wife were both
• 27:57
  raised in broken homes. You get married at 19 and 20 and
• 28:01
  you have this love that you've shared.
• 28:03
  You've raised children together, you've built your, as you say,
• 28:06
  your dreams together. OK, what what practically what
• 28:10
  especially for men. Let's just stay on men here.
• 28:12
  Like what practically do they need the tools in order to have
• 28:17
  that success story? Because it sounds like you
• 28:19
  weren't necessarily raised with that modeled in your life, but
• 28:23
  you guys figured it out. There, there was aspects of it,
• 28:26
  like I always say, like I'm, I'm very grateful for my father and
• 28:29
  my mother. I'm very sorry that they they
• 28:30
  didn't stay married. But by the same token, I have
• 28:33
  seven brothers and sisters I wouldn't have had if if they had
• 28:36
  stayed together necessarily. And so look there, there's
• 28:39
  always God can always turn things for, for a noble, for a
• 28:43
  noble purpose or a good outcome. And and my dad and my mother
• 28:47
  were both still influential in my life and my morals, even if
• 28:51
  it wasn't reflected in their marriage.
• 28:54
  But here, here's what I would say for for men specifically,
• 28:57
  men need a mission. Men need a mission there.
• 29:00
  There's somebody said this once where they were talking about
• 29:03
  how they treat female depression and male depression.
• 29:05
  And the way they treat female depression tends to be with,
• 29:09
  with coming alongside someone and providing support and
• 29:11
  hearing them out and, and empathizing and sympathizing
• 29:14
  with them and providing a network of people that lets them
• 29:18
  know they're not alone. And when you ever just try to,
• 29:21
  when you try to treat male depression the same way, it
• 29:23
  doesn't work because men need a mission.
• 29:27
  We need a noble mission. You give us a noble mission and
• 29:29
  we'll crawl, we'll crawl across broken glass to achieve it if we
• 29:32
  believe in it. And the thing that we try to
• 29:36
  tell young men is that, look, you do have a mission.
• 29:39
  You do have a, a purpose. You may be struggling to figure
• 29:42
  out what it is, but it's there. And, and for, for most men,
• 29:46
  maybe not all, but for most men, part of that mission will be
• 29:50
  getting married and having children.
• 29:53
  And you know, there, there's this statement that people don't
• 29:56
  like anymore where they, they say that, you know, men civilize
• 29:58
  the, the wild and women civilize men.
• 30:01
  And whether you like that or not or agree with it or not, there
• 30:02
  is an element of truth in that. Because I, I know this much,
• 30:05
  there was a lot of things that I kind of wanted to do with my
• 30:07
  life and different objectives that I had, whether it was my
• 30:09
  military objectives or professional objectives.
• 30:12
  But if you want to know the thing that truly motivates me,
• 30:14
  my wife and my children and, and my responsibility to them, there
• 30:18
  is there, there is no philosophy, there's no
• 30:22
  patriotism, there's no country as, as deeply as I feel those
• 30:25
  other things. None of that ultimately compares
• 30:29
  to what I will do and what I will endure for the safety and
• 30:33
  love of my wife and my children. And when you, when you do have a
• 30:38
  wife that has that similar worldview and brings out the
• 30:42
  absolute best in you, you, you will recognize a sense of, of
• 30:46
  accomplishment and purpose that you would never be able to
• 30:49
  accomplish in isolation. When, when you hold your child
• 30:53
  for the first time, You know, I always tell guys whenever
• 30:56
  they're about to have a little girl for the first time, like,
• 30:58
  you think you're a tough guy, right?
• 30:59
  I've spent most of my life around tough guys, right?
• 31:01
  You think you're a tough guy and then you have a little girl and
• 31:03
  you find out what an utter SAP you are, right?
• 31:06
  A total and complete SAP, right? And then you, and then you have
• 31:09
  a son and you realize that, Oh my gosh, I have to, I have to
• 31:11
  prepare this young man for the world.
• 31:13
  I have to prepare him to be a husband or a father one day.
• 31:16
  All of those things provide men with purpose and meaning.
• 31:19
  And then the question is, is what sort of moral precepts,
• 31:22
  what sort of guidelines are going to take them along this
• 31:26
  path to make sure that they're good men?
• 31:28
  Because here's the here's The Dirty little secret about toxic
• 31:30
  masculinity. When properly under, when
• 31:34
  properly explained, there is such a thing as toxic
• 31:37
  masculinity, just like there's such a thing as toxic
• 31:40
  femininity. But but here's the little here's
• 31:44
  the devil in the details that a lot of the people that use those
• 31:46
  terms don't like to admit. As soon as they say that you
• 31:49
  know what they're admitting to a binary, they're actually
• 31:51
  admitting that there are masculine traits and that there
• 31:54
  are feminine traits. And that when we look at things
• 31:57
  like aggression or competitiveness or a capacity
• 32:01
  for violence, these traits are morally neutral until they're
• 32:04
  actually put into action. So, so the man that uses that
• 32:08
  aggression or that competitiveness or that capacity
• 32:11
  of violence to, to take a, a woman's purse and run down the
• 32:14
  street, that is a, that is a negative manifestation of a
• 32:18
  masculine trait. But then when the other man
• 32:20
  steps in and stops him and returns it, those are positive
• 32:24
  manifestations of those masculine traits.
• 32:27
  So this is not a question of whether or not the traits will
• 32:29
  exist. It's a question of whether or
• 32:31
  not they will receive positive manifestations and positive
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• 33:15
  Here's the question about that because I think so many men have
• 33:19
  been effectively emasculated. I mean, between pornography,
• 33:24
  between you mentioned the school system, you know, it's not good
• 33:27
  for young boys typically like sitting in a classroom for 8
• 33:31
  hours a day. I know there's recess, but like
• 33:32
  just kind of the structure of it for young boys especially is not
• 33:36
  designed for their flourishing. You know, video games, you know,
• 33:40
  just so you can talk about even like the maybe environmental
• 33:43
  factors, birth control pills in our water that is literally
• 33:47
  depleting testosterone. I mean all of this stuff or you
• 33:50
  know, the additional estrogen there.
• 33:51
  I mean, do you think that we the problem is that men aren't wild
• 33:55
  enough? I mean, to the the raw material
• 33:57
  of what men are, it has not only been disrespected and it's not
• 34:01
  properly channeled, but it's also just it's been broken at
• 34:04
  large because of these societal factors.
• 34:07
  Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I mean, culture, culture will
• 34:10
  eventually produce the sort of men it's asking for.
• 34:13
  And and right now it's asking for weak, emasculated men.
• 34:16
  And turns out nobody likes the results.
• 34:18
  I mean, I, I, I, I pointed this out and some people got mad with
• 34:22
  me. I said, you know, isn't it
• 34:23
  fascinating that as soon as the T 80s rolled over the Ukrainian
• 34:26
  border, nobody was asking for the gender studies majors to
• 34:29
  show up and and teach the Russians about tolerance and
• 34:32
  equity. They just wanted to do that
• 34:33
  could shoot a Russian, right? They just wanted somebody that
• 34:36
  could actually protect, protect their country.
• 34:38
  And the this idea that we have in the West, where we've lived
• 34:42
  under so much security, so much prosperity, so much relative
• 34:47
  freedom from either want or danger that it it rises, it, it
• 34:54
  elevates this notion that those skills or those attributes are
• 34:56
  no longer required, that they're archaic and that they're they're
• 34:59
  more, they're more dangerous than what they're worth.
• 35:02
  OK, until you realize that emasculated men don't make for a
• 35:06
  safe society for women. Some of the worst abusers that
• 35:09
  you will ever see, some of the most depraved serial killers you
• 35:12
  ever see were emasculated men. And they took it out on women.
• 35:17
  And so at, at at no point, at no point do I want a Society of,
• 35:22
  of, of weak, complacent, docile women.
• 35:26
  But this idea that you're, you're going to get a better,
• 35:28
  safer society with, with emasculated men is just absurd.
• 35:31
  And it's been demonstrated throughout history and.
• 35:33
  How do we turn that back? I mean, what do we do with all
• 35:36
  these, all the men who are, you know, there's this that
• 35:38
  statistic earlier, 63% of men versus only 1/3 of women are
• 35:42
  single today. You know, they're, they're not
• 35:44
  because of any number of reasons, they're not interested
• 35:47
  or they're not able to be in a relationship.
• 35:50
  And I'm not saying everyone is bound for sort of a marriage or
• 35:52
  a relationship, but I would say the large majority of people are
• 35:55
  biologically, it's the way we're wired.
• 35:56
  I think it's how we're designed. So some people aren't called to
• 35:58
  that, but many people, more people are.
• 36:01
  So what about, you know, what are the proud with all this
• 36:04
  generation of men? You know, we you're talking
• 36:06
  about wanting them to direct their wildness towards greatness
• 36:09
  and, and the morality needed for that, which is so key.
• 36:11
  But what about just recreating or sparking the wildness to
• 36:15
  begin with? You know, in a good way.
• 36:18
  So I, I think it's a couple of things.
• 36:19
  Like I think John Lovell does a great job of this in his book.
• 36:22
  He. Does.
• 36:23
  Yeah, he's awesome. He, he does a great job on this.
• 36:26
  Matt Boudreau, there's other guys in this sphere and, and,
• 36:29
  and I, I think what you're starting to see is something of
• 36:31
  AI don't know if competition is the is the right place, but
• 36:35
  basically different paths where where young men are going to go
• 36:37
  to get advice. And some of it is what they, you
• 36:40
  know, refer to as kind of the secular manosphere, where again,
• 36:43
  it's, it's the workout, be professional, do all these other
• 36:46
  things, be intellectual, have good, you know, be
• 36:50
  intellectually formidable. But then with respect to its
• 36:53
  concept of relationships, it's, it's broken.
• 36:56
  And then it's, it's usually rooted in, in something of a
• 36:58
  hedonistic philosophy that that doesn't ultimately make sense.
• 37:02
  Then, then you've also got this view where it's kind of the
• 37:05
  scholarly approach, where it's telling young men that there's,
• 37:08
  there's things that they have to prioritize and they have to be
• 37:10
  good and they have to be noble. But what, what men really, I
• 37:13
  think what young men really need to see is they, they need to see
• 37:17
  men that, that do a good job of combining the warrior and the
• 37:20
  scholar or the warrior and the poet as as John Lovell would,
• 37:23
  would describe it. They don't want to be, they
• 37:26
  don't want to just be lectured to.
• 37:29
  If, if you're going to, if you're going to offer an
• 37:31
  alternative, then they want to see somebody that they believe
• 37:35
  is, is formidable along those masculine lines.
• 37:38
  And so I, I think that me where I'm, I'm approaching this from
• 37:42
  the Christian perspective, it, it's about reopening this whole
• 37:46
  idea of what is it, What does it mean to be a strong Christian
• 37:48
  man? Well, a strong Christian man
• 37:51
  isn't weak. A strong Christian man is
• 37:53
  intellectually formidable, professionally formidable,
• 37:56
  physically formidable, and they're emotionally formidable
• 37:59
  as well. Like I, I always say that
• 38:01
  there's, there's a, my wife worded it best.
• 38:03
  I was, I was trying to capture this where I was saying like men
• 38:05
  don't we don't like to be vulnerable.
• 38:06
  We don't like to be weak. And she goes, yeah, but babe,
• 38:09
  you, you got to be able to show us tenderness.
• 38:11
  Like there, there's a there's a tenderness that you display.
• 38:14
  And, and, and she described it for me and it helped me
• 38:15
  understand it and articulate it better.
• 38:18
  She goes, babe, there there's a tenderness that you display
• 38:20
  toward me. There's a tenderness that you
• 38:21
  display toward our daughters that the rest of the world
• 38:24
  doesn't get. But every once in a while they
• 38:26
  get to see a glimpse of it. She was.
• 38:28
  That's really important. That's really important.
• 38:31
  And, and I, and I do think that's critical the, the other
• 38:34
  side of it. And, and a lot of, a lot of
• 38:36
  young men will share this story when they, when they ask you
• 38:40
  about something that was formative in, in their young
• 38:42
  lives. So again, I, I didn't, I didn't
• 38:45
  get to grow up with my father as much as I would have liked to,
• 38:47
  but I, I got to spend the summers with him.
• 38:49
  And my dad was a, a homicide detective.
• 38:52
  And one day he, he said, you want to go into work.
• 38:55
  Yeah, I want, I want to go to work.
• 38:56
  It's kind of that's cool, right. And we're sitting there and
• 39:00
  there was this situation where there was this guy, you know,
• 39:03
  cuffed up, sitting down. And he just, he, he looked at me
• 39:08
  wrong, at least in my dad's view.
• 39:11
  And my dad just immediately, like shot him this glare and,
• 39:13
  and said, you know, get your head down.
• 39:15
  And Guy went back down and and I saw this.
• 39:18
  I saw this glimpse of the man the dangerous people saw in my
• 39:24
  father. He was never directed toward me.
• 39:28
  So he never raised his voice with you?
• 39:29
  No. No, no, he did, he did.
• 39:31
  He would raise see that this. Is not like that, not like the.
• 39:34
  Part that is so critical and I think people don't properly
• 39:37
  understand. No, he he is my dad.
• 39:39
  My dad had the capacity to scare the crap out of me, right?
• 39:41
  Like he, no, he would raise his voice at a me and, and he would
• 39:45
  use, he would use a very stern look and the whole deal and and
• 39:47
  whatnot. It's not like he was just super
• 39:49
  gentle and kid gloves with me. Not at all.
• 39:51
  He wasn't abusive though. So I saw his anger, but I never
• 39:58
  perceived a a threat right. I, I saw in that moment and, and
• 40:04
  I can't, I can't illustrate this up.
• 40:06
  It wasn't anger he was demonstrating toward that
• 40:08
  person. It was, it was actually
• 40:10
  calculated. It was calculated to display to
• 40:13
  him that he was a threat because he had something to protect.
• 40:18
  And man, that stuck with me. That, that split second of
• 40:22
  seeing the look on his face, the tone, his gesture and how
• 40:26
  another dangerous man responded to it, right?
• 40:29
  That that stuck with me that they're, they're the threats in
• 40:32
  the world need to see that in me.
• 40:36
  Whenever they're threatening the things that I love, they, they
• 40:38
  need to know that I am dangerous for them.
• 40:42
  But my wife and my children, they, they never see that.
• 40:45
  They may see dad angry. They may see dad frustrated, but
• 40:49
  they never, they never perceived me as a threat to them.
• 40:52
  But the same token, they do know I'm a threat on their behalf.
• 40:56
  And young men are looking for, I think the young men are looking
• 41:00
  for that to be demonstrated in a, in a positive way because
• 41:04
  when they see it, it makes sense and instantly makes sense to
• 41:08
  them that yes, this is this is what I'm supposed to do and this
• 41:10
  is the job that that men are supposed to do.
• 41:14
  And I want to be that sort of man.
• 41:16
  And what's so powerful about that, as you, as you said
• 41:18
  earlier, is it's, it's ordered to something.
• 41:21
  There's a purpose. You use the word mission to all
• 41:24
  of it. Like what's the mission of your
• 41:26
  ability to be strong and threatening if not to dominate
• 41:31
  your family, right? It's to protect and provide for
• 41:34
  your family. And so when you have your
• 41:36
  mission in order, your purpose in order as a man or a woman,
• 41:41
  everything can get aligned around that and it and there's
• 41:43
  such freedom and that. And that's I think where the,
• 41:45
  the joy comes in and the, the peace can come into happiness.
• 41:48
  People actually experience that real happiness because they're
• 41:51
  living their mission. And it's a mission of service
• 41:53
  and ultimately of other people. No, I, I think that's, that's
• 41:57
  absolutely correct. People, people flourish.
• 42:02
  I would say this children, marriages, they, they flourish
• 42:05
  when there's an element of love, respect and security.
• 42:11
  And the man is supposed to provide the security and, and
• 42:15
  it's amazing because they've been told, well, no, you don't
• 42:17
  do that. It's, it's equal.
• 42:18
  Whatever I, I was talking to, I, I always make it a point
• 42:23
  whenever I'm talking to someone that, you know, lets me know,
• 42:25
  oh, I just got engaged or whatnot.
• 42:27
  I always, I always take that as an opportunity to say, look,
• 42:29
  marriage is great. I don't care what, you know, pop
• 42:32
  culture tells you about marriage or what Hollywood tells you
• 42:34
  about marriage. Marriage is wonderful.
• 42:35
  I absolutely love my wife. I, I mean, it's just, it's, it's
• 42:38
  an adventure. It's an adventure.
• 42:39
  Your life doesn't end when you get married.
• 42:41
  It begins because I just want to encourage people and, and this,
• 42:45
  this one young woman where I was up in DC for something with
• 42:47
  some, some friends and I think there was a conference going on
• 42:49
  in town or whatnot. And so she told me that's, oh,
• 42:53
  being married is great. She said, oh, how long you been
• 42:54
  married? And at that point, I think I've
• 42:56
  been married like 15 years or something.
• 42:57
  And we're, we're talking, and I'm talking about what I love
• 43:01
  about being a husband and what I love about being a father.
• 43:03
  And as I'm describing this, she looks at me and she goes, Oh, we
• 43:06
  don't subscribe to those traditional gender roles, Susan.
• 43:10
  And I said, oh, OK. I said, well, can I ask you a
• 43:12
  question? She said, sure.
• 43:15
  I said, let. Let's say you and your fiance
• 43:17
  are here in DC, and you're walking out.
• 43:20
  You just had a lovely dinner together.
• 43:22
  And as you're walking back to the car, a guy jumps out of an
• 43:25
  alleyway with a knife. Now, in one of these scenarios,
• 43:28
  your fiance jumps in between you and your attacker.
• 43:32
  And in the other scenario, he jumps behind you.
• 43:35
  In which scenario are you more attracted to your fiance?
• 43:39
  And she goes, well, that that's, that's not fair.
• 43:41
  I said no, it is fair. Will will it ever happen?
• 43:44
  Probably not. Odds are it won't.
• 43:46
  Well, although it's DC, who knows?
• 43:49
  Odds are it isn't. But in your mind, you want to
• 43:52
  know where he would jump. You want to know what he would
• 43:55
  do. And you want to be confident on
• 43:58
  his level to to protect you because it makes you feel good,
• 44:01
  not only because he loves you, but because he's capable.
• 44:04
  And it you can sit here and pretend all day long, that
• 44:06
  doesn't matter. But whenever you're asked the
• 44:09
  question, it does not because the high degree of probability,
• 44:13
  because what it says about him, what it says about you and what
• 44:15
  it says about the nature of your relationship.
• 44:18
  So why don't, can we just stop pretending and just embrace the
• 44:21
  things that are different about men and women and embrace that
• 44:25
  when it, when a man and woman come together in marriage, that
• 44:28
  the various strengths that they bring to the table benefits not
• 44:31
  only them individually, but benefits each other and, and
• 44:34
  completes one another in a way that wouldn't be possible in
• 44:36
  isolation? Can, can we not, can we just do
• 44:38
  that? Because it turns out when we do,
• 44:40
  when we do embrace those things, people are happy.
• 44:43
  And, and when we fight against them and, and, and, and it is,
• 44:46
  it's a form of rebellion against reality, not just, and a
• 44:49
  rebellion, I would argue against God.
• 44:50
  When we fight against it, nobody's happy.
• 44:53
  So to, to your question, how do we teach young men to do it?
• 44:56
  Well, the first step is do it in your own life.
• 44:59
  We can sit here and talk about it all day long, but the the the
• 45:01
  best argument for what you believe is how you live your
• 45:04
  life and when you live it that way and other people see it and
• 45:08
  they see the chaos that's taking place from the alternative, you
• 45:12
  know, that's you can point out the lie all day long, but people
• 45:15
  will hold on to a convenient lie all day long if they don't, if
• 45:18
  they don't actually have a truth that they can then rally behind.
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• 45:54
  So for men, you know, I think we you shared a lot and I think
• 45:58
  you're spot on about, you know, the natural role a man has and
• 46:03
  you know what men need today. And you mentioned the importance
• 46:06
  of mentors, which I totally agree with.
• 46:07
  I think in many ways, the crisis of masculinity and femininity is
• 46:11
  a crisis of mentorship, Like we need role models that can help
• 46:14
  us and accompany us. And that's why I love the work
• 46:16
  you're doing because you're basically providing an important
• 46:19
  element of that through the work that you're doing online and,
• 46:22
  you know, sharing all of these messages.
• 46:24
  But, you know, gender roles, like there's the role of the man
• 46:27
  and then there is a role for women.
• 46:29
  And so how do you see you have daughters?
• 46:31
  You you share some funny advice online sometimes about like
• 46:34
  advice for raising girls. What are the role?
• 46:37
  What is the role of a woman? And what do you think modern
• 46:42
  women don't get today? Well, I think a lot of modern
• 46:46
  women have just been lied to. And, and, and again, part of it
• 46:51
  goes back to this whole idea that that, that the way to be a
• 46:55
  powerful woman is to be a, a crappy man.
• 47:00
  So true. But here here's what I.
• 47:02
  Mean be a be a, you know, be in the boardroom, don't have kids,
• 47:06
  be, you know, sleep around and don't have regrets.
• 47:09
  Like, yeah, be the be the worst man out there.
• 47:11
  I mean, that was the sexual revolution project, like change
• 47:14
  of turn women into the worst version of the Playboy man.
• 47:17
  And you know what, What is what has been the result of that?
• 47:20
  A lot of suffering for a lot of people.
• 47:23
  Yeah, not the least of which is women.
• 47:25
  So here's what I would say. And I and I, I try to be careful
• 47:28
  about this because obviously, you know, I don't, I don't know
• 47:31
  what it is. I, I don't know what the
• 47:32
  experience is like to be a woman.
• 47:34
  I, I can tell you, I can tell you what I appreciate about my
• 47:36
  wife. My wife is in incredibly
• 47:40
  nurturing. She also has incredible
• 47:43
  discernment. The the world talks about
• 47:45
  women's intuition. I think in Christianity we talk
• 47:46
  more about discernment. But this, this idea that one of
• 47:49
  the things I learned very early on about my wife was that she
• 47:54
  picked up on things that I was oblivious to.
• 47:57
  And, and I remember initially being kind of, you know, young
• 48:00
  and, and inexperienced and arrogant.
• 48:03
  She would say, I, I, you know, I don't have a good feeling about
• 48:05
  this or I don't know about this person or whatever it is and be
• 48:07
  like, well, why explain it? What, what's your reasoning?
• 48:09
  And some of it should be like, Nick, I just have a bad idea.
• 48:12
  And I'm like, well, you know, you're, you're being too hard on
• 48:14
  them or you're being, you know, you know, you're being, you know
• 48:16
  what, emotional or whatever. No, she wasn't, she was picking
• 48:18
  up on things. I wasn't.
• 48:21
  And, and some people offer a biological reasons or
• 48:24
  evolutionary reasons for that. Whatever it is, she has
• 48:27
  incredible discernment. And I've really grown to trust
• 48:30
  it, especially when it comes to relationships or partnerships
• 48:34
  that you might, you know, you know, business partnerships or
• 48:36
  whatever it is. Like she has incredible
• 48:39
  discernment. She, like I said, very nurturing
• 48:42
  and, and that's nurturing toward the children, but that's also
• 48:45
  nurturing toward me. One, one of the things that, you
• 48:49
  know, obviously I, I was, I was in the military, I was a combat
• 48:51
  veteran. The reason why I have the great
• 48:55
  relationship I have with my children is because of a lot of
• 48:59
  the work my wife put into that. I was gone a lot the 1st 10
• 49:03
  years of our marriage. I was gone for half of it
• 49:05
  between training, between combat deployments, between training,
• 49:08
  deployment, whatever it is, I was gone a lot.
• 49:11
  And I, I saw as some women in that situation dealt with the
• 49:18
  absence through infidelity or dealt with the absence through
• 49:21
  bitterness or would display their frustration in front of
• 49:24
  their kids about where their their husband was.
• 49:27
  Their father was not my wife, man.
• 49:30
  Every time I came home my my kids were happy to see me
• 49:32
  because when they couldn't be around me, she kept them.
• 49:36
  She kept the memory of me alive with them the entire time in a
• 49:39
  way that only she could do. Beautiful.
• 49:43
  Yeah, it really, really is. Really is.
• 49:47
  I also appreciate my wife's and intelligence and her perspective
• 49:51
  on things. And this goes in in part with
• 49:53
  the discernment. I, I like to joke around with
• 49:55
  people that like you think I'm a firebrand until you meet Tina
• 49:57
  and then you realize that, you know, man, Mama Bear is there.
• 50:02
  She also, she embraces her femininity, which is to say that
• 50:08
  my, my wife is, is my wife's a very beautiful woman and she
• 50:12
  likes to be, she likes to be beautiful for me.
• 50:14
  And, and I, and I can't, and I can't tell you how much I
• 50:17
  appreciate that. And, and some people look at
• 50:21
  that as superficial And I, I, I don't, I, I don't know how to
• 50:24
  explain that, that men are, we are, there is something about
• 50:28
  the beauty of a woman that just inspires us in, in ways that we,
• 50:32
  we can't explain. And, and that beauty is not only
• 50:34
  found in the physical, it's also found in the character.
• 50:37
  I remember early on, one of the things that attracted me to my
• 50:40
  wife is her, her sense of right and wrong and, and justice was,
• 50:45
  you know, when, when the popular kids would be picking on someone
• 50:48
  or whatnot, you know, Tina would be the one to stand up and just
• 50:51
  read them the riot act like, how dare you?
• 50:54
  And, and it wasn't just her physical beauty.
• 50:56
  It was the integrity that she displayed.
• 51:01
  So I, I think there's, there's so many feminine traits along
• 51:04
  gentleness and nurturing and discernment, which also have
• 51:09
  positive and, and negative manifestations like nurturing
• 51:13
  can have a negative manifestation if it becomes, you
• 51:15
  know, baby in your or codependency.
• 51:18
  Discernment can have a negative manifestation if it, if it
• 51:21
  manifests itself in manipulation.
• 51:25
  But she's always used these things in such a way as to help
• 51:29
  us and our marriage and to help our children and help them avoid
• 51:32
  danger and to give them good advice and to bring them up to
• 51:35
  know that they are are secure and that they're loved and
• 51:38
  they're protected. So all of those attributes are
• 51:40
  things that when I I look at my wife, who has been very dynamic
• 51:44
  at home and within our marriage and with our kids,
• 51:47
  homeschooling, our kids, managing the home.
• 51:50
  My my wife is the sort of women. When you look at Proverbs 31, my
• 51:52
  wife is the sort of woman that if there is a YouTube video, she
• 51:54
  knows how to do it. We, we spent a lot of our, I
• 51:57
  mean, the first. That's impressive.
• 51:59
  There's a lot of, there's a lot of YouTube videos for how to do
• 52:02
  the home and homesteading 'cause I know that's what you guys are
• 52:05
  into now, so I know. I'm rambling on, but whenever
• 52:07
  you see. What I know I love it.
• 52:09
  No, this is a great this is a this is a great.
• 52:12
  We need to we need more of this, because what I love about what
• 52:15
  you're saying to Nick is that you're not you're curing
• 52:18
  specifics, obviously, but you know, there's sort of principles
• 52:20
  that are underlying because, you know, people will did the push
• 52:22
  back against this, right, coming from maybe the modern woman or
• 52:26
  even man, It's like, well, every personality is different.
• 52:29
  You know, some some women see more masculine in some parts of
• 52:32
  their personality. Some men are more sort of
• 52:34
  naturally empathetic, whatever, but you're speaking to sort of
• 52:37
  principles that can be applied across personalities that really
• 52:41
  make, I think the feminine come alive for any woman.
• 52:43
  And it's just beautiful that you have this in your wife and that
• 52:46
  you celebrate it publicly in your wife, because that in and
• 52:50
  of itself too, I think is, is missing like more celebration of
• 52:54
  husbands of their wives, wives of their husbands publicly.
• 52:58
  I don't know. I think it's a.
• 52:58
  It's a great example to people listening and and to me.
• 53:02
  Well, I think it's, and I think it's necessary again, when you,
• 53:04
  when you ask the question, how do we convince young men, how do
• 53:06
  we convince young women of a different way of thinking about
• 53:09
  these things? Well, again, you know, the
• 53:11
  argumentation is a, is a component of it.
• 53:13
  Like you, you are an incredibly effective advocate and, and
• 53:17
  you're also willing to go into places where you're going to be
• 53:19
  the only one with your opinion. And, and you've done an
• 53:22
  excellent job being able to articulate the, the sort of
• 53:25
  worldview that we're discussing, the sort of, of, you know, the,
• 53:28
  the beauty of life, the beauty of a certain way of, of living
• 53:31
  and thinking about the world. And, and that's incredibly
• 53:34
  inspirational people. And it and it and it should be
• 53:36
  able to provide an example of, again, a strong manifestation of
• 53:40
  femininity, one that is, that is intellectually rigorous.
• 53:44
  But I'll say, since becoming married, we know we're five
• 53:46
  years in only. So we've, you know, we're behind
• 53:48
  you guys. But I will say that the, the
• 53:50
  rootedness of becoming married, of belonging to my husband and
• 53:53
  he belongs to me and what he's taught me just by the gift of
• 53:57
  his presence, like being that provider protector for me.
• 54:01
  It has given me more strength and courage and really even the
• 54:03
  power to, to even care more about the work that I'm doing
• 54:07
  because I have this unconditional love and
• 54:10
  foundation from my husband. Now, of course, I had that from
• 54:12
  God before, but I get to have this living manifestation of it
• 54:16
  in my life. So I, I just think that's the
• 54:18
  power of a husband's love and it's the power of, you know, the
• 54:21
  wife. Obviously, I hope my love can
• 54:23
  give him, you know, that that rootedness too, in my own way.
• 54:27
  But you know, our our ability to go out and change the world as
• 54:30
  you know, if we're called to marriage, it just I think it's
• 54:32
  Max maximized by, by the family project, you know, by the by the
• 54:36
  love of a marriage. Absolutely, absolutely.
• 54:41
  Yeah, it it to, And to your point on the on the other side
• 54:43
  of that, yeah, the, the fact that I know that my wife has my
• 54:46
  back, no matter what it, it actually allows you to, it
• 54:52
  allows you to confront difficulty, challenges, danger
• 54:55
  on some level. It allows you to assume risk
• 54:58
  because you know that the most important parts of your life,
• 55:01
  like for me, it's my it's my face.
• 55:02
  It's my relationship with God, then my relationship with my
• 55:04
  wife. When when those things are are
• 55:07
  certain, just the, the world's not just not as scary.
• 55:12
  I, I don't know, I don't know how to say it.
• 55:13
  The world's just not as scary a place.
• 55:16
  And it, and it, and again, I think it inspires men to courage
• 55:19
  And, and it also, I think it's inspires women to courage as
• 55:22
  well When when they know that they're secure in that
• 55:24
  relationship because my, my wife is a formidable woman.
• 55:28
  She, yeah, I did anybody that has an image of, of my wife is
• 55:33
  just being kind of, you know, docile and like, oh, OK, honey.
• 55:36
  Like, no, my, my wife is also the one that I bounce ideas off
• 55:40
  with and can and, and contend with in a positive way where
• 55:43
  we're making each other better through the process.
• 55:46
  Because ultimately there's something Jordan Peterson talks
• 55:48
  about where he says, you know, be careful you share good news
• 55:52
  with and, and be careful you take criticism from.
• 55:55
  It is perfectly healthy to take constructive criticism.
• 55:57
  It's, it's, it is a, an incredible thing to be able to
• 56:01
  take criticism from someone who you know, absolutely loves you
• 56:07
  and just just wants you to be everything that they know you
• 56:10
  can be. Because sometimes criticism is
• 56:13
  necessary. And I, and I mean this in the
• 56:15
  most positive and constructive way.
• 56:16
  I'm not talking about biting and I'm not talking about nagging.
• 56:18
  I'm not talking about any of that.
• 56:19
  I'm talking about someone that's willing to sit down and be like,
• 56:21
  babe, I'm telling you, you need to, you need to be thinking
• 56:24
  about this. You need to be praying about
• 56:25
  this. How can I pray for you?
• 56:27
  There's a certain degree of accountability that has to exist
• 56:29
  with within a marriage that your wife or your husband is uniquely
• 56:33
  suited to be able to provide, provided that you know it's it's
• 56:36
  purely because they love you and they want you to be the absolute
• 56:40
  best version that God has for you.
• 56:42
  It's beautiful. OK, so for people listening who
• 56:46
  maybe they're not married yet or they are married and they're
• 56:49
  going through a hard time or you know, they might go through a
• 56:51
  hard time in the future. I do want to get some of your
• 56:53
  thoughts on this before you wrap up here because, you know, we've
• 56:56
  talked about gender roles, talked about the value of
• 56:59
  marriage and the roles even within a marriage to some
• 57:01
  degree. But what do you do practically
• 57:04
  when you hit hard times? And maybe let's just start with
• 57:08
  a woman, Like you're a woman and you're you're wrestling with a
• 57:11
  situation where you don't feel like that man, your husband is
• 57:14
  being the leader you want him to be.
• 57:17
  I was reading this, I think it was a Reddit post.
• 57:19
  You know, Reddit is full of these really sad stories a lot
• 57:22
  of the time. But I think she was describing
• 57:25
  how or what maybe it was a forum on something on marriage, but it
• 57:28
  was one of these online forums, right?
• 57:30
  And she's sharing about her husband is basically addicted to
• 57:34
  these games, like video games and he or some sort of phone
• 57:37
  game. And anyways, he's, he's a
• 57:38
  Goodman. He goes to, he works, he tries
• 57:40
  to be, you know, present to the kids when he is there, right?
• 57:43
  But he's spending exorbitant amounts of time and money just
• 57:47
  kind of whittling his life away as she sees it.
• 57:49
  And she feels like it's not fair to her.
• 57:51
  It's not fair to the kids. It's it's damaging.
• 57:53
  You know what, what is the, what is the response?
• 57:56
  What would you tell or what would you encourage a woman to
• 57:58
  do in trying to kind of bring out that leader in the man that
• 58:03
  she's with? I, I think there's, I think
• 58:05
  there's a couple of things and I'm, and I'm not going to
• 58:06
  pretend this is easy because it's not easy in either
• 58:09
  direction. When you, the, the first thing,
• 58:12
  which is kind of the most obvious is you, you tend to get
• 58:15
  more of what you reward in, in any sort of relationship.
• 58:18
  So when you are, when you are showing appreciation for various
• 58:21
  things, you, you tend to get more of it.
• 58:24
  By the same token, there, there will be things that you know,
• 58:28
  are, are potentially negative attributes which then develop
• 58:31
  into, into habits and then hopefully not addictions.
• 58:34
  And I, I think when you're approaching something from a
• 58:36
  biblical worldview, one, one of the things that I always tell
• 58:38
  people that are so wonderful about a biblical worldview is
• 58:41
  that when I say I'm the head of the household, it doesn't mean
• 58:43
  I'm the head under my own authority, which means that
• 58:46
  there's an objective standard to which my wife can pull out
• 58:49
  scripture or she can look at something I do and she can go
• 58:51
  like, babe, this isn't right. And, and I'm, and if she's right
• 58:56
  and I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. And, and then the question is,
• 58:59
  OK, what do we, what do we do about this?
• 59:01
  How do we, you know, how do we overcome this particular
• 59:04
  challenge? What, what sort of mechanisms do
• 59:06
  we put in place to both disincentivize bad habits and
• 59:11
  incentivize good ones? I think one of the toughest
• 59:13
  things when you tell people, I don't like this, stop doing it.
• 59:17
  Look, if if we take something out of our life that is not
• 59:20
  productive, we better replace it with something that is.
• 59:24
  And so that's part of the question is, is how do you
• 59:26
  either set up appropriate boundaries and then how do you
• 59:29
  actually replace something that is becoming destructive?
• 59:32
  How do you replace it with something that is productive?
• 59:34
  And then, and then how do you encourage the sort of behavior
• 59:37
  that you want to see more of? And then for, for men, a lot of
• 59:41
  things is, look, we, we want to, we definitely want to feel like
• 59:44
  we're being there for you and we're being there for our
• 59:46
  children. We, it's, it's tough when we
• 59:48
  feel guilty. And sometimes the initial
• 59:50
  response you might get from, from a man is, you know, I do
• 59:54
  this and I do this and I do that.
• 59:55
  And I, I think one of the most important things is to
• 59:58
  acknowledge that like, again, if he's a good husband and he
• 1:00:00
  really does try and he is working, isn't provided.
• 1:00:02
  It's like you're a wonderful protector, you're a wonderful
• 1:00:04
  provider. You make us feel safe, you take
• 1:00:06
  care of our needs. The reason why we want more from
• 1:00:11
  you is because of all of those things.
• 1:00:13
  And, and right now we, we feel like we're having to, we're
• 1:00:16
  share, we're having to share you too much with this other thing.
• 1:00:19
  And, and we want, we want more because we love you and because
• 1:00:22
  we respect you and because we need, we need more from you.
• 1:00:25
  And, and, and it's not out of any lack of appreciation for
• 1:00:28
  what you're already doing. Can we do more of this, right?
• 1:00:32
  Like is there more things that we can do that gets us out of
• 1:00:34
  the house and away from the console?
• 1:00:36
  Or is there more things that we can do that would allow us to
• 1:00:39
  have that, that time with you so that the kids get the benefit of
• 1:00:43
  everything that you have to teach them.
• 1:00:45
  So that I get the benefit, you know, is the other thing too is
• 1:00:48
  look, men like intimacy, you know, and so they're all of
• 1:00:53
  those things are, I think are ways that that a wife can
• 1:00:56
  positively inter interact with a husband and look, be prepared
• 1:01:00
  for some sense of rejection. And, and to some degree, like I,
• 1:01:04
  I've had to do that where Tina's brought things to my attention
• 1:01:06
  before where I, I did, I felt a sense of rejection.
• 1:01:08
  I felt defensive and, and maybe my initial reaction wasn't
• 1:01:14
  great, but, but I came around right.
• 1:01:16
  I was like, babe, I'm sorry, you're, you're right and I am
• 1:01:19
  wrong. And I should have not have, I
• 1:01:21
  should not have responded that way.
• 1:01:22
  I should not have reacted that way.
• 1:01:24
  But yeah, what, how do we, how do we do this?
• 1:01:26
  How can I do this in such a way that will address this issue
• 1:01:31
  and, and being open to talking about that.
• 1:01:34
  And so that's, that can be difficult.
• 1:01:37
  I will say that if a man feels secure in your love and he feels
• 1:01:40
  appreciated for the things that he is doing, it's a little bit
• 1:01:43
  easier to address some of the other things and, and to
• 1:01:46
  improve. If we just feel like, you know,
• 1:01:48
  you never spend any time with us or you never do this or, you
• 1:01:51
  know, when it's like, look at the guys working 50-60 hours a
• 1:01:54
  week and, and the, the game is something that he uses to kind
• 1:01:57
  of disconnect because he, he just can't shut down his mind
• 1:02:02
  and, and, and all he's hearing now is you never like all the
• 1:02:06
  moment you hear that. Like, what do you mean?
• 1:02:08
  I never on the other hand, when it's you are a great protector.
• 1:02:12
  You are a great provider. I appreciate so much of you.
• 1:02:14
  This is consuming a lot of your time.
• 1:02:16
  Is there something else that can can we do something else that
• 1:02:19
  allows you to be more engaged with with us?
• 1:02:21
  Not because not because we don't recognize how stressed out and
• 1:02:25
  all the work that you do, but because we love you and because
• 1:02:27
  we want more time with you. It's valuable to us and we want
• 1:02:30
  more time with you. I think that's a better
• 1:02:33
  approach. I'm not saying a guy's always
• 1:02:34
  going to give a good initial reaction, but ultimately he's
• 1:02:37
  going to recognize that, you know what, my wife and my kids,
• 1:02:39
  they need me. They want more time with me.
• 1:02:41
  How lucky am I that they want that?
• 1:02:44
  So I, I think that's valuable. Can I say another thing from
• 1:02:49
  the, the guy's perspective? Men are, well, I will say this,
• 1:02:55
  men who have been trained to be good men and to be sacrificial
• 1:03:00
  in our love and our leadership, because biblical leadership for
• 1:03:04
  a man and their family is supposed to be servant
• 1:03:06
  leadership. We are supposed to love our
• 1:03:09
  wives the way Christ loved the church and gave his life up for
• 1:03:11
  it. One of the things I always
• 1:03:12
  explained to to men and to women when I'm explaining the biblical
• 1:03:15
  view, worldview of marriage is like, yes, I am the leader of my
• 1:03:18
  household. I make no apologies for that,
• 1:03:20
  but that comes with a tremendous amount of responsibility and up
• 1:03:23
  to and including my life for my wife's.
• 1:03:26
  And, and people say, oh, you've got to sacrifice everything for
• 1:03:29
  your wife. No, no, no.
• 1:03:29
  What it means is I am willing to sacrifice myself for my wife
• 1:03:32
  because I love her. And that's part of that noble
• 1:03:35
  mission. I'm willing to sacrifice myself
• 1:03:36
  for my kids if it's necessary. What that also means is that
• 1:03:42
  sometimes it's hard, sometimes it is difficult for us to
• 1:03:45
  articulate things to our wives that we would like to see
• 1:03:48
  changed in her behavior because we don't want to, we don't want
• 1:03:52
  to offend. We don't, we never want to make
• 1:03:54
  our wives feel like they're anything less than what we want
• 1:03:58
  or, you know, we, we want them to know that they're this,
• 1:04:00
  they're the woman of our dreams. But if there's things where it's
• 1:04:04
  like, you know, sweetheart, can we change this or can we do this
• 1:04:06
  or what about this? And, and Tina and I had this
• 1:04:09
  conversation once. I said, well, sweetheart, are
• 1:04:11
  you allowed to tell me things that could potentially offend
• 1:04:14
  me, but I'm not allowed to tell you things that could
• 1:04:15
  potentially offend you? Is that how this is going to
• 1:04:18
  work? Yeah, it's a fair question.
• 1:04:20
  And, and she said, and, and again, my wife, again, another
• 1:04:23
  thing I love about my wife is she said, that's fair, that's
• 1:04:27
  fair. You have to be able to do, you
• 1:04:29
  have to be able to say things to me.
• 1:04:31
  And, and her one rule for me has always been just always talk to
• 1:04:34
  me like I'm the woman that you love.
• 1:04:36
  And even if I get frustrated with what you say, I'll, I'll,
• 1:04:39
  I'll remember that we have this conversation.
• 1:04:41
  And to her credit, she always has.
• 1:04:42
  She always has. And the, the wonderful thing I
• 1:04:46
  love about that is that obviously when we talk about
• 1:04:51
  logic versus emotion, I, I always, I always try to stress
• 1:04:54
  this to men, having a visceral emotional reaction to something
• 1:04:57
  is, is not a weakness unless you were dominated by it.
• 1:05:01
  That emotion that you have at a particular thing is an
• 1:05:04
  invitation to thought. It's an invitation to reason and
• 1:05:06
  the logic and understanding when when your wife is more
• 1:05:09
  emotionally sensitive to something, it's in part because
• 1:05:14
  biologically and everything else, she has to be more in
• 1:05:16
  tuned to the emotions and the way things are affecting people
• 1:05:20
  within the environment that she controls.
• 1:05:22
  She has to be in tuned the way that her children see things.
• 1:05:25
  And so when she, when she has an emotional reaction to something,
• 1:05:29
  that's not a weakness unless it dominates her entire reasoning.
• 1:05:33
  If anything, it provides, it provides insight into where a
• 1:05:37
  discussion needs to go or where a logical thought process needs
• 1:05:40
  to begin because that emotional component of that discussion and
• 1:05:43
  that relationship is so critical.
• 1:05:45
  So don't, don't throw it against, don't throw it in her
• 1:05:47
  face when she has an emotional reaction to something.
• 1:05:52
  It, it should indicate to you that there's something that
• 1:05:54
  needs to be discussed. And then both of you sit down
• 1:05:58
  with an understanding of both the emotional and the logical
• 1:06:00
  component and you figure out why does this exist?
• 1:06:04
  And so again, another thing I give my wife an incredible
• 1:06:07
  credit for is that we have this in agreement.
• 1:06:11
  The truth is truth. And, and if there is an
• 1:06:14
  emotional reaction to something, whether it's a fence or whether
• 1:06:17
  it's hurt or whether it's something else, we go beyond the
• 1:06:20
  asking, OK, why is that? OK?
• 1:06:22
  Can I say something better? Am I just wrong in the way that
• 1:06:26
  I'm analyzing something? But if we're not willing to have
• 1:06:28
  those conversations, then you're going to have things that you're
• 1:06:33
  going to have things that at first just kind of annoy you
• 1:06:36
  that then become sources of bitterness and resentment.
• 1:06:39
  And so there, there has to be a safety and security that once
• 1:06:42
  again, sweetheart, you and I against the world, you and I
• 1:06:45
  against the world. It is always us.
• 1:06:47
  There. There is no, there is no just me
• 1:06:48
  or just you. It's always us, but both of us
• 1:06:53
  have to be able to come to the other one and be honest when I
• 1:06:55
  think this is a problem and I, I, we need to address it.
• 1:06:59
  So I, I would say to, to women, sometimes men have a hard time
• 1:07:02
  articulating the way we feel about something.
• 1:07:05
  But if you want us to be more emotionally secure in the way
• 1:07:08
  that we discuss either vulnerabilities with you or the
• 1:07:11
  way we discuss things that are are bothering us, sometimes it
• 1:07:17
  it, it sometimes you might have to, to take that little bit of
• 1:07:20
  offense or hurt to be able to get beyond it.
• 1:07:25
  Now again, it's still it's still on men to we, we need to do a
• 1:07:28
  better job of articulating what it is that we're we're
• 1:07:31
  experiencing. But ultimately I want to be, I
• 1:07:36
  want to be the best version for my wife possible.
• 1:07:40
  I want to be the best version. I want to be the man of her
• 1:07:42
  dreams, right? And, and she wants to be the
• 1:07:45
  woman of my dreams. And, and there's marriages and
• 1:07:48
  life go through different stages.
• 1:07:50
  That doesn't mean you stop wanting to be that for each
• 1:07:52
  other. And so being willing to sit down
• 1:07:55
  and talk with it, but but always having the, the commitment that
• 1:07:58
  it's, it's you and I against the world if necessary.
• 1:08:02
  We love and respect one another. And now we're going to get to
• 1:08:05
  the bottom of of what this problem is and we're going to
• 1:08:07
  figure out together what's the best way to address it.
• 1:08:09
  And, and sometimes it does include one party or the other
• 1:08:12
  saying not only I'm sorry, but I was wrong and, and I'm going to
• 1:08:16
  do it differently. And I've had those moments where
• 1:08:20
  my wife has looked at me and said I was wrong.
• 1:08:23
  You were right. I shouldn't have done it that
• 1:08:24
  way. I shouldn't have reacted that
• 1:08:25
  way. And it is just this tremendous
• 1:08:28
  relief that comes over me that she still loves me and she, she
• 1:08:31
  hears what I say. And because she wants to be
• 1:08:34
  better for me, she's willing to hear it.
• 1:08:36
  And I do the same thing for her. Honey, you were right, I was
• 1:08:39
  wrong. I should not have done that.
• 1:08:41
  I was not respectful. It was not honoring to you.
• 1:08:43
  And it won't happen again or I'll do this.
• 1:08:47
  And the security that comes from that is, is just incredible.
• 1:08:50
  And that's that's what it allows you to get as close to
• 1:08:52
  perfection in your marriage as possible.
• 1:08:54
  This powerful stuff, the power of I'm sorry.
• 1:08:57
  And then also I love you and thank you.
• 1:09:00
  You know, they cut us having that foundation of appreciation
• 1:09:04
  because if you don't have already like that back and forth
• 1:09:08
  of appreciation and that taking the time to really value and
• 1:09:11
  enjoy each other when tough conflicts come or you know,
• 1:09:14
  tough times come or misunderstandings inevitably
• 1:09:17
  come, you're you're already kind of operating from that rocky
• 1:09:20
  place. And it sounds like that's
• 1:09:22
  something that you guys have prioritized from the beginning
• 1:09:25
  as like really having that appreciation piece there.
• 1:09:28
  And that, I think, makes such a huge difference.
• 1:09:31
  And if there's one other thing I just add as a final caveat to
• 1:09:33
  that, when you have issues with your spouse, they're with your
• 1:09:36
  spouse. That is not something that you
• 1:09:40
  like. I, I don't go to my, I don't go
• 1:09:41
  to my buddies and talk smack about my wife.
• 1:09:44
  I don't go to my buddies and talk about the things I wish,
• 1:09:46
  you know, she would do differently.
• 1:09:48
  And she doesn't do that with her friends about me.
• 1:09:50
  If, if we have issues with us, we have issues with us.
• 1:09:53
  Now, that doesn't mean that we don't have close friends that,
• 1:09:56
  you know, like we're, we're dedicated to their marriage
• 1:09:59
  being successful. They're dedicated are and we
• 1:10:01
  pray for each other and and we have that, But when there's
• 1:10:04
  issues, there are issues. There are nobody else's issues.
• 1:10:07
  Nobody else gets them. That's that's one of the things
• 1:10:09
  I like to, I like to say is like, no, no, no, my issue with
• 1:10:12
  my wife on this particular thing is something that we're going to
• 1:10:14
  work together. And the moment anyone else tries
• 1:10:16
  to butt themselves into that conversation, get the hell out.
• 1:10:20
  You don't belong there. That's for us.
• 1:10:22
  Like I'm, I'm, I'm almost. What's the word?
• 1:10:26
  I'm protective. Territorial in a good way.
• 1:10:29
  About about about any issues that we.
• 1:10:31
  Have so don't go to Reddit is what you're saying.
• 1:10:33
  No, don't don't go to Reddit. I mean, well, you but but maybe
• 1:10:38
  go to the wise, you know, couple or the wise counselor, you know,
• 1:10:42
  but the point is like, don't blow off steam with your
• 1:10:44
  friends, like about your your most cherished other half, you
• 1:10:48
  know, the one that you're 1 flesh with.
• 1:10:50
  It's a bit I think. I think it's a betrayal of
• 1:10:52
  yourself actually, as much as it is the betrayal of your spouse
• 1:10:57
  to kind of to gossip about one spouse or to complain about one
• 1:11:01
  spouse. So, yeah, no power, powerful
• 1:11:04
  words. All right, Nick, this has been
• 1:11:05
  so awesome. Where can people find you're,
• 1:11:08
  you're giving, you know, tooth bombs are, you know, great
• 1:11:10
  advice to men and to women, And then you have the parenting
• 1:11:13
  advice. So there's a lot more to your
• 1:11:14
  work, obviously. And then obviously you're
• 1:11:16
  representing the great state of Virginia.
• 1:11:18
  God help them as as God help California.
• 1:11:21
  But where can people find your work?
• 1:11:23
  So we we have a podcast called Making the argument.
• 1:11:26
  We also have another program we do called the Why minutes.
• 1:11:28
  And then all you have to do is Google Nick J Freitas.
• 1:11:31
  And you know, we have a pretty good presence on on Instagram.
• 1:11:35
  We try to get content out there pretty frequently on Instagram,
• 1:11:38
  YouTube, Facebook X and everything else.
• 1:11:41
  But yeah, that those are the places that to find me.
• 1:11:44
  And, and if I, and if I could just say too, you know, again,
• 1:11:47
  as as a tribute to to you, your husband, your marriage, the work
• 1:11:50
  that live action does, it's something this is an issue that
• 1:11:55
  my wife and I is very near and dear to my my wife and I.
• 1:11:58
  And we've always been incredibly grateful for not only the work
• 1:12:01
  that you do, but the way that you articulate it within the
• 1:12:03
  cultural space. And, and how important that is.
• 1:12:05
  Because ultimately, if we do want not, not just on the issue
• 1:12:09
  of abortion, if we want a society that truly values
• 1:12:11
  innocent human life and wants to protect it and wants to
• 1:12:13
  flourish, then it begins at its most vulnerable stage.
• 1:12:17
  And that, and as much as that is a legislative battle, it will
• 1:12:21
  always first and foremost be a, a cultural battle and
• 1:12:24
  humanitarian 1 and, and you do it very well.
• 1:12:27
  And so thank you for that. Thank you, Nick.
• 1:12:28
  Well, thanks for lending your important voice to it, which you
• 1:12:31
  do frequently. So it's needed.
• 1:12:33
  We need strong men out there fighting for marriage and
• 1:12:36
  family. So thank you.
• 1:12:37
  It's. My pleasure.
• 1:12:39
  Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Lila Rose
• 1:12:41
  Podcast. Hope you guys enjoyed it.
• 1:12:43
  Don't forget to subscribe wherever you're listening on
• 1:12:45
  podcast app or if you're on the YouTube channel, don't forget to
• 1:12:49
  click that subscribe button. And if you're listening on
• 1:12:52
  podcast app, don't forget to leave us five stars and a
• 1:12:55
  review. This will help the podcast reach
• 1:12:57
  more people. Thanks so much and we'll see you
• 1:12:59
  guys next time.