Latest / The Virtual Couch / Alexa Lovell - One Year After a Devastating Accident, Surviving Setbacks and Diving into the Details

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Alexa Lovell - One Year After a Devastating Accident, Surviving Setbacks and Diving into the Details · The Virtual Couch

• 0:00
  Music.
• 0:21
  Hey everybody, welcome to episode 369 of the Virtual Couch. I'm your host Tony Overbay,
• 0:27
  a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I am here today, I have a co-host in studio.
• 0:33
  My co-host is Alexa Lovell. Alex, how are you doing? I was going to say drum roll.
• 0:37
  Drum roll? I missed out on that. Hey, you do the editing, so can you insert a drum roll?
• 0:42
  I don't know how. Okay. I could maybe figure it out. I know, let's get on that, right? And then Alexa Lovell, formerly known as Alexa Overbay,
• 0:50
  AKA my daughter.
• 0:52
  Four years ago. Four years ago, changed, yeah. Yeah. Sounded like you were saying,
• 0:57
  and that is when I ceased being your daughter.
• 0:59
  That's when I was adopted by someone else. That's right, when you were emancipated,
• 1:03
  I think that's the word.
• 1:05
  Maybe. Yeah, it's funny, I now, I think it wasn't long ago that I referred to you still
• 1:10
  as Alexa Overbay, and I had to remember that you have that different last name.
• 1:14
  And I love your husband, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. Shout out Mitch.
• 1:18
  Shout out. And then we have a couple other guests in studio that do they prefer not to be on
• 1:22
  my today. One is lovely. Wendy, lovely Wendy over Bay and my dog and your dog, Charlie,
• 1:29
  a an amazing golden retriever.
• 1:31
  But we we've been talking about doing this episode for a little while.
• 1:35
  And when we were looking up, when we did the first episode with you, Wendy,
• 1:39
  myself and Mitch, we didn't even realize it was almost a year ago.
• 1:42
  I mean, to the date. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it was released on March 30th of 2022.
• 1:48
  We're recording this on March 26th. It'll probably go out on the 28th, 29th of 2022.
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  And it's hard to believe it's 2023.
• 1:56
  Thank you.
• 1:57
  So right in 2022 on my checks, that's a joke. I don't use checks.
• 2:00
  Cause I don't, have you ever written a check?
• 2:02
  Yeah. Have you really? That's how we had to pay my rent when I lived in Idaho.
• 2:06
  They only took checks. And that wasn't that long ago. Yeah. I don't know why, but. Yeah.
• 2:11
  Do you remember, we were talking earlier. Do you remember a landline?
• 2:14
  Yes. Well, yeah. I remember we had a wireless home phone, but I don't remember like...
• 2:19
  Okay, you don't record? No, no, no. Okay. That was before my time.
• 2:24
  For a movie? For audio. No. I love this. Okay, I could do this all day.
• 2:30
  I thought you meant like the... The H.S. Cassettes?
• 2:32
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, do you remember those? For movies, right? Yeah, yeah.
• 2:37
  Yes, I remember. Okay, alright. That is not why we're here today.
• 2:40
  No. Okay. And as a matter of fact, to set the stage, we were looking at the show notes from the
• 2:44
  episode a year ago, and I thought that was a good place to start.
• 2:47
  So let me just read what the show notes were. So a year ago, we did an episode called
• 2:52
  Alexa's Road to Recovery.
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  Daughter Alexa Shares the Struggles, dot, dot, dot.
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  I guess that is. I don't know why the whole, it's not here. It was a very powerful title.
• 3:06
  Doesn't sound like it. No. Dot, dot, dot. Oh, oh.
• 3:09
  OK, Struggles of Recovering from a Devastating Accident. Dot, dot, dot.
• 3:13
  No, it says devastating, dot, dot, dot.
• 3:16
  I guess if I make the screen larger. Let me do that.
• 3:19
  Since you're editing this, this may, oh, that was it. Oh, nice.
• 3:23
  Okay, so it was called, Alexa's Road to Recovery, My Daughter Alexa Shares
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  the Struggles of Recovering from a Devastating Accident.
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  And here's what we wrote, and we were just talking, you and Wendy and myself,
• 3:33
  and it's pretty crazy to even think of where things are, even from when we wrote these show notes.
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  So I said, on Saturday, February 5th, my daughter Alexa drove to the gym
• 3:43
  after completing a week in the externship of her dreams.
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  She was just a few months shy of graduation become an ultrasound technician. She had committed to a physical health routine
• 3:52
  months ago and was in the best shape of her life. She was living apart from her
• 3:55
  husband Mitch for the first time as he completed his final semester of college.
• 4:00
  Upon graduation, Mitch was planning on taking the MCAT in May. They had worked
• 4:04
  hard and they sacrificed a lot to get to this point in their early lives in hopes
• 4:08
  that they would both be in a position to help others for the remainder of their lives.
• 4:12
  First of all, before I keep reading this, I don't think I had my Grammarly subscription yet,
• 4:16
  because this sounds like pretty bad grammar. It does. So it'll sound better on this one.
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  Okay, and then it continues. And then in an instant, their lives would be altered forever.
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  A large truck ran a red light and t-boned Alex and her mini Cooper, throwing the car over 100
• 4:30
  feet into a nearby field. Her injuries have been nothing short of devastating. Alex, Mitch, my wife
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  Wendy, and I discussed the impact of this devastating change on their lives and the
• 4:39
  and the effect that tragedy can have on the extended family and how one event can significantly alter the future,
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  if someone had worked so hard to make a reality.
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  So here's why the show notes are so interesting to start with is we could even break down those.
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  Mitch was getting ready to take the MCAT.
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  And if we start there alone, what did we do yesterday?
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  Well, Mitch flew us in an airplane to Sedona for lunch. Because Mitch did not end up taking the MCAT instead.
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  He is in flight school or pilot school, whatever you have.
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  Aviation. And maybe we should have brought him in and asked him,
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  but do you feel or do you know, is some of that just, hey, life's short,
• 5:20
  let's figure out what we wanna do?
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  Well, it ties into my, well, obviously it ties into my accident,
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  that's what we're talking about, but he just didn't have a super strong passion for that,
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  but he was talking to some of my surgeons and like a lot of the people on my, you know,
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  hospital and recovery team.
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  He got pretty close with my surgeon and they would talk a lot and he was just saying,
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  if this isn't something that you're dying to do, it's not gonna, you know what I mean?
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  It's not gonna be as beneficial as you may think and Mitch just wasn't dying to do it
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  and so he started to explore other options and he loves adrenaline and adventure
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  and all those cool things,
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  and so his friend actually owns a flight school, shout out, Simplify.
• 6:04
  Yes, right. We will tag them.
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  And yeah, so he looked into that, went on the discovery flight and just fell in love with it.
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  And he has just been killing it. Like he loves it. He has so much fun.
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  It seems like he's kind of found a passion with that, which is, makes me super happy.
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  And obviously it's a hard line between.
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  I kind of don't think this would have happened if I wouldn't have gone in the accident.
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  And like obviously I wouldn't want to go through the accident again, but I'm so glad it brought him
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  that line of work or passion that he has found. So yes, yesterday we just took a family flight
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  to Sedona. And it was the coolest thing ever in a little plane. I was all dramamine up,
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  so I wasn't you fell asleep on the way back. I did. Yeah. That's also because that was one
• 6:50
  one of the greatest burgers I think I've ever had in my entire life.
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  Yeah, that place is good. It was good.
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  But it was wild to think that we come out here and then the four of us jump in an airplane that Mitch flies to Sedona so we can have lunch.
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  And I didn't realize how much having that conversation with your surgeon had helped Mitch.
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  It had a big impact, I think. Yeah. No, that's amazing.
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  So we go from there to you were, what, two weeks in the externship of your dreams.
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  And I feel like I want to, people are probably wondering how, well, how did that go?
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  I'm sure you got back to it after you recovered. You're probably done with that externship now, working at a hospital, right?
• 7:31
  Yeah. Nope. I mean, talk about that. Yeah.
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  That whole experience was so weird because, yeah, I had just, so I'm in ultrasound school
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  in Phoenix and I, you go through about like 18 months of schooling and then a six month
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  externship was just basically like rotations as if you were in like nursing school or something.
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  So I was assigned a hospital and I would do my six-month training there.
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  And I had finally gotten one. It had taken a long time because of COVID.
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  So I was finally assigned and I got out to that and was doing it for a week and I loved it.
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  I loved my preceptor and the location was perfect.
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  And then the accident happened. And just that in itself, like trying to figure it out with my school
• 8:21
  while I was not really all there. Yeah.
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  Like, you know, mom was calling them and Mitch was trying to figure it out.
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  And so that got put on hold for a long time. That was in February.
• 8:34
  And then I didn't start going back to school to even just practice scanning until September.
• 8:41
  Yeah. Maybe October.
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  I don't, I don't even remember. And then they told me that I would need to repeat a class before going back out to externship
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  to make sure I was familiar with everything.
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  What do you remember about that? I remember, man, I just want to jump in and I want Wendy to talk so much too about that.
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  I want your experience of, I know as a dad, I just, every time I think I would say to.
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  You, let me get on there and do some podcasts and make a call out to all hospitals in the
• 9:09
  Phoenix area and get Alex on there.
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  It was frustrating because I had just felt like everything had fallen into place and
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  I had worked so hard to get to this spot and for it all to be taken away because of something
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  that wasn't my fault felt very unfair.
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  And then to finally be, you know, wanting to make a plan again and then for that to kind of be shut down again and be like, well, we don't have a hospital, you need to retake a class.
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  And meanwhile, all my friends are graduated, getting jobs, starting the life that I thought I would have.
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  It was so hard to watch that happen.
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  So it just felt I just remember I would I felt like I would call you guys like every other day, just be like another thing, like another disappointment.
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  I just felt like I could not catch a break and nothing was going to plan because of the accident and it was so
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  frustrating. Yeah, and anyways, so it was hard because I mean I know I would get frustrated and,
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  Even things like your school and but I mean to be fair they didn't have precedent of this happening, right?
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  Like of course, you know They hadn't dealt with this before and they were doing all that they could and there's weren't a lot of locations
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  No, there's not, especially with, like I said, COVID, it's just hard to get everyone placed.
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  So yeah, so I started my class that I had to repeat in January.
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  And my last day was just this last Friday.
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  So I finished that class. And then I will go out to my hospital mid April.
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  And that will be six months and then I will finally be graduated.
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  Which is so crazy, like a year and a half. It really is.
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  How long have you been? Can I say something and you can edit this out?
• 10:56
  Oh, we're not editing this out.
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  I don't know if you guys remember this, but in the hospital, your surgeon told us that
• 11:03
  your recovery would be about six to eight weeks.
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  And I think we completely misunderstood what he meant by recovery and what we thought he meant by recovery.
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  Because I think we told your school, you would probably be back in two to three months.
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  And I remember thinking, I can't believe that your body could go through something like this
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  and that you're going to be walking again in six to eight weeks.
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  And I think what your doctor meant by recovery is you might be able to get out of bed in six to eight weeks.
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  And we thought by six to eight weeks he meant you would be walking and that you would probably be able to go back to school.
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  He was not saying that at all. He was saying, I really think he meant like you might be able to get up and put weight on your left side or whatever.
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  Because in reality, six to eight weeks, I was still in my wheelchair.
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  Oh for sure. Or like maybe using my walker a little bit. Like there's no way I would have been back at school.
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  And I think that that made it, I think it made it that much more difficult. Like I wish we would
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  have been more mentally prepared for that. Because I think everything seemed like it took so much
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  longer because in our minds you were going to be up and walking and back to school and all these
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  things in a few months and instead it took a year to get back. Yeah. And I think, yeah,
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  I think like you said, it added, it almost added to my disappointment and my, just the reality of
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  it all because I had such different expectations because it was always six to eight weeks. Like,
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  that's what we were told. And I think we all, I think our expectation of that. I think we assumed.
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  Yes, so you were like going to be walking and going to be.
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  Yeah, you know where the reality of I think what he meant was you might be able to get up and put weight on your right leg
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  right in Right six to eight weeks, which that was.
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  But how much weight could you put on though?
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  I remember you could only I couldn't like I mean well the first the first month or so
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  They said do not use your left leg. Yeah, so I was Completely shattered like in my pelvis couldn't use my left leg,
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  Turns out I had a broken elbow.
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  Yeah, talk about that.
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  And I realize now, I'm assuming that everybody, but I've had a lot of growth in listeners over the last year.
• 13:30
  Yeah, I should probably explain. Yeah, so talk about what happened.
• 13:33
  I can go through it. Yeah, do you mind?
• 13:35
  Yeah, I don't want to sound like I'm repeating it all, so I apologize.
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  But I, because I've done, I did an R First podcast and then I did a Friends podcast. Oh, yeah.
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  She's a Lady podcast. Oh, yeah, we'll put the links to that too, because I think that episode was really good.
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  But I don't, I feel like I'm probably saying a lot of things repeating it.
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  But anyways, yeah, so I was T-boned in the intersection right outside of my house in
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  Arizona and I, the driver was going about 60 miles an hour and I was pulling into the
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  intersection. So probably going 10.
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  I don't know. He ran a red light. He ran the red light. Yes.
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  I had the green arrow. This is all from witnesses because I completely blacked out and was not responsive on the scene.
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  And I was taken to the hospital and assessed for my injuries.
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  And.
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  I just remember, I think my first memory is that day of just being moved on the stretcher,
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  and essentially my body was being pulled into two because my top half was dislocated from my
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  bottom half. So that I just remember screaming in pain and asking them to stop. And then the
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  next memory after that is just my mom and my husband Mitch coming to the hospital the following
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  day. But it turns out, once I had been told what happened, it was just like a long list of injuries.
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  I had concussion. They sounded like brain bleeds, right? Concussion, brain bleeds. My neck,
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  I couldn't even move it. It was so probably whiplash, I would assume, because there weren't
• 15:14
  actually that many. I didn't have anything broken up there, thankfully. And then I had a punctured
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  lung and two broken ribs. Both of my hips were broken. My sacrum was shattered. Like
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  every bone in my pelvis basically had somewhere it was broken. And then all my organs, my,
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  kidneys were bruised and bleeding out. My liver was lacerated. My spleen had ruptured
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  and was bleeding out. My entire like strip down the back of my right leg was just completely
• 15:45
  numb and then my elbow was broken, but I didn't find that out until June or July.
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  And it was still broken then because I had just been using it this whole time and not
• 15:59
  allowing it to have that, you know, the no weight on it.
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  And the whole reason I bring that up is because I was using, I was in a wheelchair and a walker
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  for the first couple months.
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  And so, in order to use my walker and only be able to use one leg, I had to use so much upper body strength.
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  And now it's funny looking back because I was using upper body strength, but I had a
• 16:27
  broken arm. And I was using it. Yeah. And so, it's just weird to think back.
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  And I was always like complaining that it hurt so bad.
• 16:35
  And it's just, it is interesting now to look back and think, oh yeah, because it was broken
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  and I was using it. And since your lower half was so in pain, honestly, it must have just not been like
• 16:44
  It didn't feel like a big deal.
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  I just had so much pain everywhere that that was such a minor thing that I was like, whatever,
• 16:52
  I'll get through that.
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  So yeah, so I was in the ICU trauma for a week and then they moved me to a different hospital to do rehab.
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  I mean, it was a hospital stay, but I was also going to PT every day and that was another week long.
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  And then I came home and was essentially just living in bed for three or four months until
• 17:15
  I was able to get around a little bit better. And even that, I was barely getting around or leaving the house.
• 17:22
  You know what's interesting too? I was looking through some notes because I was going to read even your mom, Wendy, had
• 17:28
  I posted one time about what the doctor had said about that basically your upper half
• 17:32
  had been separated from your lower half and your entire pelvic ring had been shattered.
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  And so I couldn't remember how to spell sacrum.
• 17:39
  So I was typing that into my notes. But then I found I forgot, and this is crazy, I forgot I wrote all these things.
• 17:44
  We were joking about journals today. You've got your journal.
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  But I wrote a lot of things about just the things I don't remember about.
• 17:50
  We'll get to this one maybe later.
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  But when Wendy and Mitch looked at the dash cam footage, you know, we've never talked
• 17:55
  about that. And there's a part where talking about at rehab,
• 18:00
  talking to the PT about the bump on the left side of your backside, right?
• 18:04
  Is your pelvis rotated?
• 18:06
  You know, you may have to address that down the road.
• 18:08
  And then I even found a note that I forgot about when we were sending a message out to the people
• 18:15
  following on social media or GoFundMe.
• 18:17
  And it was just talking about how you, okay, here it is. It says, Alex learned today that she needs surgery ASAP.
• 18:23
  I forgot this one.
• 18:25
  To address the numbness potentially being caused by one of the bolts in her pelvis
• 18:28
  because you had three 10 inch bolts in your pelvis.
• 18:30
  And I just said it goes without saying that we were hoping that there would be
• 18:33
  no further surgeries needed, but we're optimistic this will address some of the pain
• 18:36
  she's dealing with on a daily basis.
• 18:37
  And even in that scenario, what would you remember that?
• 18:41
  Yeah, that was, I remember that was probably mentally one of the lowest points ever
• 18:49
  was around that time I remember.
• 18:51
  Do you remember a timeframe? Like what month that was?
• 18:54
  Yeah, approximately. July, or I think it was the last day of June, I think. Or close to that.
• 19:01
  But you've been told at that point, too. What I thought was interesting was I kept,
• 19:05
  I think we were all thinking, well, you've got all these things that you'll need to deal with later.
• 19:09
  But I remember when you were almost, they were saying, okay, you're kind of done with surgeries
• 19:16
  and you'll just check in every few months or year or whatever, and I remember thinking, that's crazy.
• 19:20
  I know, it did seem weird, just because of how much went wrong.
• 19:22
  It was surprising to me that it was just that original surgery and then I kind of just assumed maybe there would be more,
• 19:30
  but we're just going to go with it now.
• 19:32
  So I had gone to my surgeon, I think I went every six weeks or so
• 19:37
  to check in with him and get x-rays done.
• 19:40
  And I had just kept addressing the numbness down my leg because not only was it numb, but it was so painful.
• 19:47
  Like I would get shooting pains down my leg and nerve pain and it felt like my leg was on fire,
• 19:53
  or, you know, just the weirdest sensations.
• 19:56
  And my surgeon was so...
• 19:58
  I think just curious mostly like what in the world would this be from? Was it from the accident? Was
• 20:02
  it from the surgery? What you know what I mean? Did we hit a nerve or whatever? And so he ordered a,
• 20:09
  CT scan and that is when he went through it with me in the room and he just kind of like got really
• 20:16
  silent and was like, oh my gosh, this bolt is passing through a foramen in your sacrum that
• 20:22
  it shouldn't be and essentially blocking your path of nerves right there. So I would assume
• 20:26
  That's where your numbness is coming from and he just said I really think we need to take this bull down,
• 20:33
  ASAP and I think he was moving the phone. I remember you're saying it wasn't he retiring or something?
• 20:37
  Yeah, well, he was moving to a different practice like in Texas. So I wouldn't you know, I mean he wouldn't yeah
• 20:42
  Be dealing with me anymore. So he was like, yeah, I think I could get you in on Thursday and it's like Tuesday
• 20:49
  I was like, oh my gosh, so I just remember him telling me that and.
• 20:53
  Then Basically, he was like, someone will call you today and we'll schedule it and it will most likely be in a couple days.
• 21:00
  And I just remembered bawling. Like I just could not handle another disappointment, like another challenge.
• 21:08
  And I remember, cause at that point it had been five, four or five months.
• 21:14
  And I, I'd finally kind of felt like I was on like the upward, like I'm getting around a little bit more.
• 21:21
  I was still using a cane, but I felt like I had kind of figured out like, okay, I can
• 21:27
  take this medication if this is hurting and I can do this if this is hurting and I'm communicating
• 21:32
  with my school and you know, things are starting to look good.
• 21:36
  I had literally just gone home.
• 21:38
  Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Because my mom was here for five months.
• 21:41
  And I literally like went home.
• 21:42
  I think it was like the week before. I found that out like the next week that you were going to have to have another surgery.
• 21:49
  I went home for good with no plans to come back every week.
• 21:53
  I know, because Jake and I had to start cleaning the house every day.
• 21:55
  Yeah. Finally make it acceptable. Right.
• 21:58
  Right. Yeah. So and then, yeah. I feel like we were at this turning point.
• 22:02
  OK, I'm going to go home. You're well enough to take care of your basic needs and your own.
• 22:06
  And then literally the next week, it's like, well, you need another surgery. Right.
• 22:11
  And it was so quick and so easy.
• 22:14
  It was just all unknown that I didn't, I kind of assumed like, oh, this is going to be another.
• 22:21
  Invasive procedure. And like, I might be going through this whole recovery again. Like,
• 22:26
  I just assumed kind of the worst, right? Because I was like, they're still going,
• 22:31
  into my pelvis to remove a bolt from my bone. There's going to be this gaping hole.
• 22:37
  It won't be as supported as before. They could mess something up.
• 22:40
  And if it really was like through your nerves or whatever, then I could have affected, yeah.
• 22:44
  Right, like that's so scary. I was so scared.
• 22:46
  Do you remember two, one, I can't remember which doctor told you this,
• 22:51
  but one doctor, we asked one time about, well, like when will the bolts be removed?
• 22:57
  Right. And they were like, oh, never.
• 22:59
  And they said, trust me, you don't want them removed because it will be so painful.
• 23:03
  Right. Do you remember that? So then for them to be like, oh, we're gonna take it out.
• 23:07
  The way your bone grows around these,
• 23:09
  you do not want to have them removed. And so then when you called and said, I have to have one of
• 23:14
  them removed, I was like, oh my gosh, like no, because just because what we had been told about.
• 23:22
  If that ever happened. So yes, I just remember I just was devastated and I just felt like
• 23:28
  everything went to start all over from the beginning. And once again, I was just kind of
• 23:33
  of like, this is just so unfair.
• 23:35
  Like what in the world? And I was so upset and scared. I was so scared.
• 23:41
  And so then I had that procedure done super quick.
• 23:44
  And it was so weird being more like alert and awake for this one.
• 23:50
  Not awake for the surgery, obviously, but like, Oh, but not just coming in and out of consciousness, in a sense. Yes.
• 23:57
  To actually, I remember the prep for the surgery and, you know, getting the IVs and everything
• 24:02
  and first time around I could not tell you a single thing that happened.
• 24:06
  And so it was just interesting and thankfully that the surgery went well.
• 24:12
  I still have the bolt. They let me keep it, which is fun. I remember we should put a picture on that on social media because it's in a bag.
• 24:19
  There's a tiny bit of blood in it still. But it's like a little 10-inch bolt with threads.
• 24:23
  It's kind of heavy. Yeah. Yeah, right.
• 24:25
  Yeah. And I just remember the recovery, it was hard and it was painful.
• 24:30
  That definitely added more pain to everything at the beginning, but thankfully it did. It did correct
• 24:36
  a huge, huge issue of pain I was dealing with, kind of on the left side of my sacrum, which.
• 24:44
  Which wasn't the reason they took it out. They took it out to fix the numbness and,
• 24:48
  you know, funny enough, like the numbness is still present.
• 24:51
  Oh. But it removed a pain that we had no idea it would remove. Okay.
• 24:55
  And so it really was like I would much rather have that removed than the numbness.
• 24:59
  Oh, I see. Because of how much worse the pain was than the numbness. Yeah.
• 25:03
  So that was a huge blessing to have that figured out. But the numbness is still there till this
• 25:09
  day and that's, it's just something I'm kind of used to now. I just have said if that's the only
• 25:13
  thing. That's the only, I guess that's the wrong thing to say because there's still so many things
• 25:18
  I feel. I think we were like in the context of acceptance that if you're accepting the fact that
• 25:23
  oh there will be numbness right then I'm not constantly like yeah why and when and how can
• 25:27
  I manage and yeah so you're allowed to be more yeah in the moment with other things. Right so
• 25:32
  that was but yes I do remember I just remember mentally just how much that affected me because,
• 25:39
  it really was like, oh my gosh, I have to start over. And I really thought I was, you know,
• 25:45
  yeah. So that was weird. So when I was reading through the notes, the bump in your backside,
• 25:50
  is that just the thought will just be there forever? Yeah. So that's, that's just, it's
• 25:55
  nothing super noticeable. But if you were to really just like stare at my sacrum, it's...
• 26:01
  I still don't know what the sacrum is. Yeah.
• 26:05
  So I won't be staring at it anytime soon. Well, that would kind of be weird.
• 26:09
  For people who don't know, at the base of your spine, it's almost like a triangular-shaped bone that your iliacs attach to.
• 26:18
  Your hip bone. We all know the... This doctor over here.
• 26:21
  Tell us more, Dr. Overby. The iliacs?
• 26:23
  You know the round... Was that Homer who wrote The Iliac and The Odyssey?
• 26:26
  Yes. Isn't that what they're called now?
• 26:27
  That's funny. I don't know. Okay. I was like, wait, maybe I'm wrong.
• 26:30
  Oh, no. I just don't even know.
• 26:32
  Okay. Yeah. they connect to the sacrum and that's where for Alex and then your sacrum is kind of like the end
• 26:42
  of your back bone structure. So like my hips were off of my sacrum. Completely broken off of her
• 26:48
  sacrum. Which is why I was basically top and half dislocated because my hips were not attached to my
• 26:54
  spine and my sacrum. Okay I'm so sorry my ADD is going insane because when you say leg bone
• 27:00
  with the leg bones attached to the thigh bone.
• 27:03
  And then when you were talking about your hips, if there's one thing that Shakira has taught us,
• 27:07
  the hips don't lie. They don't.
• 27:11
  But anyways, okay, what were we saying? But the bump, the bump.
• 27:16
  So yeah, in order for them to put me back together in the best way they could with everything shattered,
• 27:23
  my hips are now misaligned a little bit.
• 27:27
  And so if you were to look at them or feel them, you can see that they're not the same shape on both sides.
• 27:36
  And that in itself was actually really annoying for me because it was just another reminder
• 27:42
  of what happened, which I know it could be worse, but it is a bummer.
• 27:46
  And so because they were misaligned, everything was rotated a little bit.
• 27:51
  And then part of my sacrum, just the way that it healed because it was shattered, it kind
• 27:56
  of protrudes a little bit.
• 27:59
  And that itself is painful.
• 28:02
  And that also is something that my physical therapist was saying it could cause problems
• 28:07
  in the future because that's kind of the first spot that's touching your bed or touching
• 28:12
  a chair or things like that.
• 28:15
  So that bump, yeah. And it was scary because we were kind of like, what the heck is this?
• 28:21
  That broke my heart whenever you heard about that.
• 28:23
  And so that's still there and it still irritates me. But that's just another thing where it's like, okay, this is what it is.
• 28:31
  And on that note too, maybe we can do a quick check in on, I think one of the things I heard
• 28:37
  the most from our first podcast was the, well, at least comments.
• 28:40
  Because it's so funny that I can say that I don't want to be this person.
• 28:45
  But as you're saying that, it's so hard to not have me to get rid of my own discomfort
• 28:49
  to say, man, but at least you're able to walk.
• 28:54
  And I was grateful that a lot of people had reached out or some of the clients that I
• 28:58
  with or other people would say, how's Alex? And you would start to tell them and then they would
• 29:02
  say, but I'm not going to say, well, at least she's alive. And at least because it's like,
• 29:06
  well, those are a given. Yeah. What's that been like?
• 29:09
  It's so hard. I still struggle with that because I find myself doing that to myself and others
• 29:16
  still if something goes wrong. I find myself doing it to Mitch all the time. Like if he has a
• 29:22
  problem, be like, well, at least this is happening.
• 29:24
  And we do it as a human being. Of course. And I don't think it's like horrible. No.
• 29:29
  But I do think there's a time and a place and a way to approach it where it's just better to just really listen to what they're saying.
• 29:37
  Have the empathy, ask them questions, be curious about it, and just kind of let them sit with that and sit with them and just be like,
• 29:46
  that does suck. Like that is really horrible. And I just I can't imagine going through that.
• 29:51
  And I almost feel like if you start with that, then it's, it almost,
• 29:55
  if someone is gonna throw in the at least, it's like, at least start with empathy, right?
• 30:00
  Like at least get a bit, but it is, it totally invalidates what you're going through because,
• 30:06
  you know, I would see people all the time the first thing they would say is.
• 30:11
  At least you're here and at least this happened and this happened and it's like oh totally like
• 30:17
  of course i'm gonna be here first right because then it just feels like how are you exactly i
• 30:21
  felt like everything that i went through didn't matter because at least i'm alive yeah and you've
• 30:26
  been editing the podcast for a little bit and i'm having a little aha here not that again like you're
• 30:31
  saying mitch is a pilot now and talking with the surgeons and i don't i don't feel like i've ever
• 30:36
  been on more of a journey of trying to understand a lot of things since your accident.
• 30:41
  And that what we do with our discomfort, I realize has come a lot from even having to
• 30:45
  sit with my own discomfort.
• 30:47
  And so I think that's the, at least you're alive as a way to get rid of somebody's discomfort,
• 30:53
  but without, because we're so afraid to sit with it. So I like what you're saying, because I think if I'm going to say, Hey, how are you?
• 30:58
  Give me the latest. What's the update? I'm also like, as the person asking, we need to acknowledge, okay, and I'm going to be
• 31:03
  uncomfortable because I'm not going to feel like I know. If I really want to know and I'm going to be asking.
• 31:08
  And if I'm a really good friend or whatever, because I'm going to have to recognize that
• 31:12
  this is going to be uncomfortable because I'm going to want to alleviate that discomfort.
• 31:15
  And then I think a lot of the stories we might tell ourselves is, man, I probably should
• 31:19
  have checked in sooner.
• 31:20
  Right. I probably could have done something more.
• 31:22
  And so that's where we want to say, yeah, I mean, I wish I could have got ahold of you
• 31:25
  more, but I was just busy. Or, well, at least I just knew you were alive and it's okay to be uncomfortable.
• 31:31
  Right. Yeah.
• 31:33
  And yeah, it's just it is such a weird line because I am so grateful for the people that.
• 31:40
  Would check in and try to turn things more positively and spend things positively because
• 31:44
  of course I needed that.
• 31:45
  I was in such a dark place.
• 31:49
  But also when that's constantly being said to you of at least this and at least this,
• 31:54
  it's like, okay, then I guess I don't really want to keep talking because everything just feels invalidated.
• 32:01
  But it's hard because I know that people mean well, and I don't want to sound like I'm bashing that, of course.
• 32:10
  None of this is to go, look you guys. Right. But it's like, if I learned anything from this,
• 32:14
  it is definitely how I approach people going through anything.
• 32:18
  Just let's really listen, and like you said, be willing to sit with the discomfort of the answer
• 32:23
  and the situation, because it's so important not to make that person feel invalidated.
• 32:29
  You don't know what, I feel so cliche saying this because it's something people say all the time,
• 32:35
  but you just do not know what people are going through.
• 32:37
  And I think that is another huge lesson that I've learned.
• 32:41
  Even if you think you know, or you've gone through something similar,
• 32:45
  like you just, you don't know. And I feel like that's something we just need to accept.
• 32:49
  And, and I think it's hard because if you were to look at me and this is,
• 32:56
  this is amazing that I don't have any obvious limitations or.
• 33:04
  You know what I mean? Like you wouldn't know that that happened to me if you were just to look,
• 33:09
  and I'm so grateful for that but it also is hard when people then just immediately assume like,
• 33:17
  oh she's fine, she is over it, you know what I mean? And it's and yes I've moved on from
• 33:23
  certain things but oh my gosh I'm still like in the thick of it you know mentally and physically
• 33:29
  there's so many things that still bother me and hurt and I'll just have comments all the time of
• 33:34
  of like, oh, well, you're looking great and you must be doing this and feeling this.
• 33:39
  Well, can I tell you, when we got here, you have this amazing dog, Charlie,
• 33:43
  you're in the backyard, and we were throwing sticks
• 33:46
  or playing catch, and you said, watch, guys, and you kind of lightly walked quickly-ish
• 33:52
  slash slow jogged a few feet.
• 33:55
  And that was huge.
• 33:56
  Oh, and I was about to cry. I told mom later that night, I was like,
• 34:00
  that I wanted to cry.
• 34:01
  Yeah, yeah, and it's just the little things that no one would really pick up on or notice.
• 34:07
  And it's, I've thought multiple times, if there was some scary situation in a store or something
• 34:12
  and people were like, run, I'd be like, you know what?
• 34:15
  I'll just be back here trying to speed walk and catch up. Like I'd be in trouble.
• 34:20
  And you wouldn't know that just looking at me. So it's just little things like that.
• 34:24
  Where it just, it opened my eyes for sure.
• 34:26
  Maybe I was just very naive to that, but just, oh my gosh, you just don't, you really, really don't know
• 34:31
  what people are going through, Especially, I think people are so good at just hiding,
• 34:37
  you know, oh, how are you doing? Good.
• 34:39
  Like, that's just so, we're just so quick to respond with that, and it's like, oh, I'm not good. Well, it's okay.
• 34:43
  And then Mitch and I were talking at lunch today when we were waiting for a table,
• 34:47
  and he was just saying, do you ever just look at other people and you just kind of, you know,
• 34:52
  you wonder what's going on in their lives, or you assume you know what's going on.
• 34:55
  And then he and I break into the whole, and I've been talking about this on the podcast,
• 34:59
  observation and judgment.
• 35:00
  And then we both just for fun, we kind of looked around and said,
• 35:02
  okay, yeah, how easy is it to just say, well, that guy looks like this,
• 35:07
  or that couple looks this way, so I wonder if they're happy or not,
• 35:10
  or that kid's only on his device, and his parents aren't talking to each other,
• 35:13
  and so we just make all these observations anyway, and throw those judgments in there,
• 35:18
  so I really like what you're saying about,
• 35:20
  and plus, we have no idea what the physical things they're going through,
• 35:25
  and in my job, the emotional and mental things, and you've got them all going on.
• 35:29
  And it's just, and I mean, I'm sure so many other people do,
• 35:33
  and we just don't know it. I think it's just important to.
• 35:37
  First of all, never to judge because... And not assume.
• 35:42
  Right. Because I think, yeah, like you said, we're so quick to fill in that gap.
• 35:46
  We're so curious or we want to make a reason for something. So we just make these observations and judgments.
• 35:52
  And when in reality, like we're probably wrong most of the time.
• 35:57
  Right. And so anyways, I think that was just that's been a really big lesson to me.
• 36:02
  Me of just, I just try not to let any, you know, anyone, whatever they're saying or
• 36:09
  doing, I try not to take it personally. And I know that they're going through something and try not to assume when I see someone going
• 36:14
  through something because it's just.
• 36:16
  Well, it goes back to that. We're back to discomfort again, because I feel like we make the observation and judgment
• 36:20
  to kind of ease our discomfort or anxiety.
• 36:23
  Or even, I mean, talk about be curious, be more curious. If somebody says that they did or said something,
• 36:31
  and then we say, well, why?
• 36:32
  Or are you sure? But I don't think you should do that.
• 36:36
  I mean, we're still just doing all these things to manage our own expectations and our own emotions.
• 36:42
  And that doesn't allow other people to have the space to have their own experiences. Right, totally.
• 36:47
  Oh, we just have no idea what people are really, really going through.
• 36:51
  And I think we just need to give everyone more grace and more curiosity.
• 36:57
  Back off the assumptions to alleviate our own discomfort.
• 37:01
  Okay, speaking of alleviate discomfort, can we talk a little bit about pain medications?
• 37:06
  Because there are people that I have worked with, there are people I know that get addicted
• 37:11
  to pain medications, and you were on the heavy stuff.
• 37:15
  Yes, I understand. And I wanna know, do you? Because I wanna hear.
• 37:20
  And first of all, were you worried about becoming addicted?
• 37:24
  Yes, I was. I was on, I mean, from the get go, they had me on Oxycodone, Tramadol, muscle relaxers.
• 37:34
  I think those were the main ones. But I was on high dosage.
• 37:40
  I was told all the time to be careful because of obviously what can happen.
• 37:46
  I remember at one point when my mom was staying with me, we had to go pick up my medication,
• 37:53
  and I would stay home in bed.
• 37:55
  My mom was my...
• 37:57
  I wanted to make up a cool name for someone who goes and gets your drugs.
• 38:02
  Your drug mule? My drug mule.
• 38:05
  Oh, that sounds awful. But she would go get me medication. The good kind. The good drug mules.
• 38:12
  She would go pick up my medication and there was just a funny experience that we had.
• 38:16
  Funny? Not funny. I was going to say, I was in California and when you guys told me this one, this is, talk
• 38:22
  about, again, look at me.
• 38:24
  Let me ease my discomfort by letting you guys know.
• 38:26
  I wanted to go fight some pharmacist, says the guy who's actually never been able to
• 38:29
  fight in his whole life. Yeah, let's go back on everything that we said.
• 38:31
  Right? Yeah. But what was it, Kate? Lay out what was that experience, you guys?
• 38:37
  I'm not even sure if I remember everything leading up to it.
• 38:40
  And Alex, you can help me.
• 38:43
  From what I remember, we just had a lot of hurdles with your medication, whether it was
• 38:49
  between your insurance and working with the pharmacy and everything involved.
• 38:57
  But I feel like several times, we would go to pick up the prescription.
• 39:02
  You would get the notification that your doctor's like, hey, it's at the pharmacy, you can go get it.
• 39:08
  And we would go to get it and they would be like, oh, well, you can't pick that up yet.
• 39:12
  And usually this was when I had one or two pills left of my old one and it'd be like, oh, we need this.
• 39:18
  And it was so stressful. And it wasn't because you were lapsing,
• 39:22
  but they won't refill those things until right before. Right, because they don't want you to take too much.
• 39:27
  And you never, we never.
• 39:30
  You were taking exactly what your doctor prescribed. Like we were sticking to the exact dosage that your doctor prescribed.
• 39:40
  So I just remember on one occasion going in to pick it up and the pharmacy telling me,
• 39:45
  well, you can't, it's too soon to pick up this prescription.
• 39:48
  And I was like, well, her doctor is the one who just notified us that it's ready to be picked up
• 39:54
  and she only has like two pills left.
• 39:57
  And he just kind of started... Do you want to hear the note? Yeah. We had an experience with a pharmacist. Wendy was interacting
• 40:04
  with them where they, and I put that in all caps, I must have been yelling, had mixed up when a
• 40:08
  muscle relaxant and her oxy could be refilled and the result was hours on the phone, multiple times,
• 40:12
  being denied on the day she needed it filled, and Wendy spending 30 minutes with the pharmacist
• 40:16
  telling her that when the medical board hears how much Alex is taking, that her doctor had
• 40:20
  prescribed her, I'll add, that the feds will be there to arrest her or something to that effect.
• 40:25
  He literally said the DEA will be on your doorstep if I feel this I'm reading this, it makes me mad.
• 40:30
  If you take this prescription, if I fill this prescription, the DEA will be on your doorstep arresting your daughter.
• 40:36
  And I was like, we are literally trying to fill a prescription that her doctor prescribed. And...
• 40:44
  And it's like, like he just seemed shocked that I was taking it.
• 40:48
  And it's like, Kate, have you had this? Do you know how this feels?
• 40:52
  He said, this prescription is so high, like she's taking such a heavy dosage.
• 40:57
  And he said, trust me, you do not want your daughter addicted to this.
• 41:01
  And I kind of snapped back and said, I was so upset. I think I was just like in tears.
• 41:07
  And I was like, you have no, it makes me so emotional. I was like, you have no idea what my daughter's going through right now
• 41:13
  and the pain that she's in.
• 41:15
  And he's like, well, would you rather have her addicted?
• 41:17
  And I was so upset because I understand what he was saying, but he had,
• 41:22
  He had no idea what had happened to you. Right, all he saw was what I was prescribed.
• 41:27
  All he saw was that your doctor prescribed you these painkillers.
• 41:32
  And meanwhile, I'm at home in bed, can't move, bawling 24 seven.
• 41:36
  And here he is, I just felt so shamed. Like I felt like I was a user,
• 41:42
  like trying to manipulate the system.
• 41:44
  And we were doing everything we should have been doing. Yes, and we were following the protocol
• 41:49
  like exactly as it was prescribed.
• 41:52
  And just to have somebody tell you that you're putting your daughter's life in danger,
• 41:56
  you're basically made me feel like we were doing something illegal.
• 42:01
  And it was, that's a hard world to be in. And then you have to go, I don't know,
• 42:07
  most people probably know this, I didn't know this, but you have to go to a pain doctor,
• 42:13
  like through a pain clinic.
• 42:14
  Like your regular, once you're prescribed those types of prescriptions.
• 42:17
  Then you get set up with the pain management doctor. It's not like your GP or whatever.
• 42:21
  It's not like they don't continue to manage that for you. You get assigned a pain doctor or through a pain clinic.
• 42:29
  So then.
• 42:31
  We're going to this pain clinic, which Alex's pain doctor was amazing.
• 42:35
  Like he was so nice and so great to work with, but the clinic itself, it's just a different world.
• 42:44
  And it's just such a crazy thing to be thrown into when you're already dealing with, you know, all we cared about was getting Alex better.
• 42:53
  But then you're kind of thrown into this other world that you're dealing with too of trying to manage her, you know, manage the medication and the pain and just all that.
• 43:04
  It was just an...
• 43:05
  That was a... yeah, it's like that. And that's what our days consisted of was my medicine schedule for months.
• 43:11
  We both had alarms set so that we wouldn't miss it because if we would go past it, I would really start to hurt.
• 43:18
  If I read these... I still have the alarms set on my phone. Midnight oxy muscle relaxer every day 6 a.m. Oxy muscle relaxer. I mean you got 12
• 43:27
  I haven't liked still set like every four to six hours Yeah, and but what I what I was gonna say about the addiction,
• 43:36
  Even the alarms I will still.
• 43:40
  Hear like if I hear that alarm ringtone for whatever another alarm it like seriously kind of takes me back and I I like miss that because of the euphoria I
• 43:53
  would get from the dress. Like it almost holds me back to to usually like at night when I would
• 44:00
  get them because I would just be laying in bed I would take them and I would
• 44:03
  feel like not so good I was still it's not like it completely took it away but,
• 44:09
  to just get a little bit of relief from the insane pain I was feeling and the
• 44:15
  the euphoria that the oxy would cause, I was like, oh, I totally get why this is a problem.
• 44:22
  I do, yeah, and it was never an issue because I was so terrified of being on them for so long
• 44:29
  that I was always working to get off of them and lower my dosage, but oh yeah, I get it.
• 44:34
  Like it really, I mean, it would help and it would, and it's just funny, because I, yeah,
• 44:38
  when I hear a certain alarm, I'm like, oh, that, I kind of like that, but I don't know. But, you know.
• 44:45
  So then did you experience withdrawals?
• 44:48
  I did, but not horrible. It was just when I was going down dosages, I would have...
• 44:53
  Like maybe a day or two of night sweats or headaches or it was nothing horrible. And then
• 45:00
  like finally going off of them, I had worked my way down to such a low dose that when I finally
• 45:05
  stopped, it was kind of the same thing. Like I would get a night of, you know, night sweats and.
• 45:10
  A fever and then I was fine, thankfully. When you just left out of frame, but I have one more and
• 45:16
  we don't have to talk about this much at all if you don't want, but there's one part that I just
• 45:21
  Jotted down just bringing awareness to you and Mitch had watched all the dash cam footage and sharing your impressions
• 45:28
  And that was something and I'm not saying that this is anything's better or worse
• 45:32
  But I I just I couldn't and so I wanted that you know And you had talked about it and and I think we both cried quite a bit hearing about that and the notes
• 45:39
  I even jotted down was the interview with the guy who hit Alex.
• 45:43
  Was the most infuriating because you're watching him deny it that he didn't do it
• 45:47
  And then when he was told he did it, he was really indifferent.
• 45:50
  And then somebody just said, hey, I can give you a ride home.
• 45:53
  And then we found out later that maybe he'll need to do traffic school.
• 45:57
  But but and I could be completely wrong, but I believe I was told later that I think he just left the country.
• 46:04
  And so I don't know how to do.
• 46:07
  Do you have any thoughts around the that footage or this was the police body cam footage?
• 46:12
  Right. I was going to say clarified dash cam. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 46:16
  Oh yeah, body cam. Yeah, body cam.
• 46:18
  Yeah, it was super hard to watch.
• 46:21
  So we were given this footage after the police had obviously been there and gave it to us.
• 46:27
  And so we were just, so we didn't see anything with the accident.
• 46:30
  We barely see the car in the background because it was way, you know, it was far off.
• 46:35
  But it was just watching the police walk around and interview the driver of the other car.
• 46:44
  It was super difficult to watch and to listen to and to listen to him deny that he did it.
• 46:53
  And then one of the officers just kind of said, Sir, we have five witnesses.
• 46:58
  That watched it happen. Are you sure? You know, and then he's like, well, I didn't see that it was
• 47:04
  red. You know, he and it was just like infuriating because, you know, I'm watching it at Alex's house
• 47:12
  while she's laying in bed, you know, recovering. And it was just it brought it I think it had been
• 47:19
  like a month or two probably since the accident. And so to have it all come back. Yeah. Like that.
• 47:26
  Yeah, I would not recommend. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, honestly, you didn't want to listen.
• 47:31
  You didn't want to listen to it or watch it.
• 47:33
  I couldn't. And Alex, absolutely. It was just you and Mitch. Yeah, Mitch did.
• 47:37
  And Mitch told me that it was really hard. But there was a part of me that almost felt like I owed it to, like,
• 47:44
  the situation or something to bear witness of it, you know?
• 47:48
  And so, yeah, but it was, yeah, would not recommend. Yeah. Well, I pre, and honestly, yeah.
• 47:55
  Yeah, so not that anyone will ever know that they're gonna be in that position,
• 47:58
  but I appreciate you even saying that. It's weird, so when you talked about the alarm,
• 48:02
  and then kind of going, oh, I so like the way you said that.
• 48:07
  There's a thing in psychology called a relational frame where you start to put two things together.
• 48:11
  And just when Wendy's talking about watching the footage, it made me think about the Mini Cooper,
• 48:18
  and it was a convertible.
• 48:19
  And do you remember what you said today when we were leaving lunch?
• 48:22
  It's a beautiful, gorgeous day.
• 48:23
  Oh, I said it'd be a beautiful day to ride in a convertible. Yeah.
• 48:27
  And immediately, did we all think the same thing? Mitch said it.
• 48:30
  Oh, I mean, I thought it too. Yeah.
• 48:32
  What did Mitch say? Well, could have been if you didn't wreck ours.
• 48:36
  Okay, and honestly, that's the stuff where I think it's so funny.
• 48:39
  Yeah, it is. Like, when people do make some of those.
• 48:42
  Well, okay, we were playing Mario Kart last night with Mackie, and you said something
• 48:48
  about like car wreck or something, or?
• 48:51
  Now he said like.
• 48:53
  Oh, a car hit me. Like, that hurt. I'm like, you, what?
• 48:58
  You go to Mario Kart? So and I appreciate when people can laugh like that.
• 49:04
  Or when people say the classic phrase of, oh, it feels like I got hit by a truck.
• 49:09
  I'm like, oh, no, it doesn't. No, it does not. We've said that a few times, like, not purposely.
• 49:15
  Because people just say that. And you will be like, really? To us, like jokingly. And that's always.
• 49:20
  Well, and I think back to Mario Kart, I think one of the times in my life,
• 49:24
  I think I beat you, and you're like, does that feel good, Dad?
• 49:26
  Yeah, you're proud of that? Yeah, I'm gonna stop sitting here.
• 49:30
  Yeah, in my wheelchair. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, take that.
• 49:33
  Don't get in the bathtub, no.
• 49:35
  Yeah. Yeah, so okay, I mean, I'm curious if you just have some thoughts from your journal.
• 49:39
  I mean, you brought that, and you journal every day.
• 49:42
  I wish. I've journaled like five times throughout the last year.
• 49:47
  I bought this journal, and I was like, God, this might not be big enough.
• 49:49
  I maybe took not even a quarter of it. But no, I was just flipping through this
• 49:55
  because I had just written down some random memories because I didn't want to forget.
• 50:00
  And then I also, a few months ago, had kind of just written down everything that I remember,
• 50:08
  like kind of the hard stuff, which is hard to read, but I also just wanted to have it.
• 50:13
  And I'll go through some of it. I don't know what I'll keep or not. Okay.
• 50:19
  She means editing the podcast, not what, yeah, I might get rid of some of the stuff out of my journal.
• 50:22
  I might burn these pages.
• 50:25
  Well, these are a few just random memories, not necessarily sad.
• 50:30
  I don't remember the first week much. Oh, can I just, before you even go past that,
• 50:35
  that's one of the questions I get asked the most.
• 50:37
  Of what? Of the just, okay, boy, you know, when it, first I'm typically told, when it comes back,
• 50:43
  she's gonna really feel this and this and this, and then that you're gonna remember it.
• 50:47
  I get the memory back. Well it's funny because a lot of people are saying oh it's coming back.
• 50:50
  Yeah I've heard that a lot or I've heard that all of a sudden like maybe I'll hear an accident and
• 50:56
  it will bring back like the sounds of mine or whatever. But you haven't had any of those?
• 50:59
  I haven't had any of that.
• 51:01
  So this one is... this one's...
• 51:05
  Pretty Vulnerable, I don't know if that's the right word, but I remember This is like a couple literally a couple months ago
• 51:13
  I was talking to Mitch and he made some comment of like well
• 51:17
  I wiped your butt for you. So you you know, I mean like and I was like, no you didn't
• 51:22
  I was like, no you did not and he's like, are you serious?
• 51:24
  He's like my like your mom and I literally had to wipe your butt like when you went to the bathroom,
• 51:31
  I do not remember you guys having to do that for me.
• 51:34
  That might be the brain protecting you. I'm so grateful you don't remember all that.
• 51:37
  Me too, I really am grateful. Because that is embarrassing. And we should say that was in the hospital,
• 51:42
  like when you were home.
• 51:43
  Yeah, thankfully. Like we never did when you were home. Yeah.
• 51:46
  But when you were in the hospital. But like the first couple days,
• 51:48
  because I could not lift or move. So you guys would like roll me over, have to. Go to bedpan.
• 51:56
  Like that is, and I don't remember that. Which is good. I'm so glad you don't.
• 52:00
  Her mom has told me that she'll never white mine even if I break both my arms.
• 52:03
  I have said that. Yeah. So you'd feel special. I don't think she will.
• 52:08
  We will invest in a really nice bidet. That he'll click with a lot. I'll turn the bidet on.
• 52:14
  Okay. Oh. I'll turn the bidet on. Hey, there you go. Okay. There we go. Okay. Compromise. Yeah.
• 52:19
  So, okay. I'll just kind of read through this. I don't know which of it is interesting or not,
• 52:24
  but just the amount of IVs I had all over my hands and arms and I hate IVs. I still have like kind of
• 52:30
  faint scars because of how many times I was pricked. I was moved to rehab, a different hospital,
• 52:39
  and I specifically remember that car ride was so traumatizing because they like they just,
• 52:45
  I'm alone like you and Mitch had to go separately. We were deep in the heart of COVID at that point.
• 52:50
  Yeah, so I was wheeled into the back of a van in a stretcher.
• 52:53
  They just like hook the stretcher up to the wall of the van, shut the door, and just drive.
• 52:58
  And so I can see on the freeway all the cars.
• 53:01
  Behind us and it was the first time I had been alive or not alive the first time I had been,
• 53:09
  out post you know I mean like the first time in a car other than the ambulance ride yeah you know and so that was
• 53:16
  so hard because it was seriously like PTSD like oh my gosh oh my gosh and I
• 53:20
  was alone in the back of a car with a strange guy driving yeah you
• 53:24
  don't even yes man yeah so I just remember that being terrifying I remember also say yes that guy
• 53:31
  must have been driving so fast because Mitch and I, we left at the same time and that guy,
• 53:37
  when we got to the rehab center, they already had you almost into your room.
• 53:42
  By the time you got there, yeah. It was, it was fast. And Alex was upset when we got there and I remember her saying like how traumatizing it was
• 53:50
  and I thought, well, if I didn't help that that guy was Hawaiian because Mitch isn't a slow driver.
• 53:55
  Oh yeah, Mitch is basically a race car driver. we got there well after her driver got there. But anyway, that's beside the point.
• 54:03
  So yeah, just other small memories. I probably only ate at the most like 400 or 500 calories a day.
• 54:13
  If that, I remember my meals consisting of a bite or two of oatmeal in the morning.
• 54:20
  Maybe a couple of drinks of those Ensure shakes to help you up protein. I don't know.
• 54:26
  Yeah.
• 54:27
  And then that and soup, maybe a couple bites of soup. And that was like for two weeks straight.
• 54:34
  I, I, and even at home for the next couple of months, I did not have an appetite. So that was weird.
• 54:39
  And then you lost so much weight. And I don't know if this is comfortable for you or not, but you were in honest to goodness,
• 54:46
  as I read the intro, you were in phenomenal shape, like best shape of your life when that happened.
• 54:51
  Yeah, that just added to the disappointment of it all.
• 54:55
  And I was going to the gym when that happened. So that's right on your way to. Yeah.
• 55:00
  So that's so maybe maybe I should never go to the gym again.
• 55:03
  That's the lesson. Yeah.
• 55:05
  Did we talk in the first one about the poo poo cocktail?
• 55:10
  Oh, I don't know. I forgot about that. No, I drank it with you.
• 55:13
  Oh gosh, that was so bad.
• 55:14
  Yeah, so that was... Thank goodness that nurse was really good.
• 55:17
  Honestly, I had some subpar nurses and some amazing nurses.
• 55:23
  And one, I was... So when you're taking opioids, you get very, very backed up
• 55:29
  along with my whole pelvis being screwed up. Like I just, I couldn't go to the bathroom,
• 55:35
  And I really, it was awful.
• 55:37
  Because on top of all the other pain I had to also not be able to relieve myself,
• 55:43
  it was very uncomfortable.
• 55:46
  And there was a nurse that came in one time and just said, I'm gonna make you this drink.
• 55:51
  I don't think she called it the poo-poo cocktail. I think you made up that name, right? I think so.
• 55:55
  And it, okay, so it was prune juice.
• 55:59
  Murlax, I think. Murlax, butter and sugar.
• 56:04
  And then you would heat it all up. You would warm it up so the butter would melt into the prune juice.
• 56:09
  And then it was like gritty from the sugar and the MiraLabs.
• 56:11
  And then she would put ice in it. And ice. And so the butter would kind of, because that was, she said it,
• 56:16
  most people said it goes down better cold. Yes.
• 56:19
  But then the butter would like, It just does not go down good.
• 56:22
  Can chill onto the ice. Right.
• 56:23
  Oh, yeah. It was, honestly, it was disgusting. But it helped me a few times.
• 56:31
  And then also helped you.
• 56:34
  Well, I did it just to support you. I remember it was when you moved out of the hospital
• 56:38
  and you were gonna take it. And I said, Hal, I'll take it with you.
• 56:40
  And I pooped 10 times in the next three days. Disgusting, seriously.
• 56:44
  It was crazy. That's seriously disgusting. Thank you. That was support though.
• 56:49
  Yeah. Literally 10 times. I wasn't like 10 times, 10 times.
• 56:54
  In three days. In three days, I did keep track. It's not that different for you. Okay.
• 57:00
  Anyways. So yes, had to drink that, which was fun. I had to practice just the funniest things you don't think of.
• 57:09
  So my OT would come in and- Occupational therapist. Occupational therapist and would teach me
• 57:13
  how to put on my socks because I couldn't move my legs.
• 57:17
  They would teach me how to lift my body, my upper body out of bed.
• 57:23
  Like I would have to turn without hurting my broken ribs, prop myself up with my broken elbow,
• 57:30
  move my body. Oh, I broke my back too. So I had a broken lower back. And then basically find a way
• 57:39
  to just get my upper body up. And then either my mom or the nurse would pick up my legs and swing
• 57:47
  them over the bed and then I would use my walker to get up I believe and then I would,
• 57:53
  I have to scoot my way to the bathroom, which took like 10 minutes just to get from my bed to the bathroom.
• 58:00
  And then I'd like I needed help sitting on the toilet, needed help wiping.
• 58:05
  And this was, by the way, after I graduated from the bedpan and the commode.
• 58:09
  Like this was a big deal that I could even go to a bathroom instead of peeing in my bed in a bedpan.
• 58:17
  You know, so it's just the it was just the weird things that you don't think about.
• 58:20
  Like they were teaching me the best ways to brush your teeth while leaning on your walker and the best way to.
• 58:28
  Put your hair in a ponytail when you can't lift your arms above your you know
• 58:32
  I mean like just like the weird things like that and I had to practice.
• 58:36
  Getting into a bathtub that they had there not even to take a bath, but just to say okay when you get home
• 58:42
  This is how you're gonna set up your shower bench. This is how you're gonna get into your bath,
• 58:46
  This is how you're gonna you know wash your body and avoid the scars and not,
• 58:52
  you know what I mean?
• 58:53
  Just... All the things we had to like buy and order. Oh my gosh, so much stuff.
• 58:56
  Because we had to have the house ready for where they wouldn't let you come home.
• 58:59
  Right. So all the things that we had to... We had every tool, every...
• 59:02
  Do you still have that sweet padded toilet seat?
• 59:05
  Or did you take that off? No, I've graduated from that. I could, I should probably still use it.
• 59:09
  Sitting still hurts a little bit. That was nice. That was nice. That was nice. Okay.
• 59:14
  But yeah, so little things like, like, you know, putting my socks on and getting dressed.
• 59:22
  And even that I really couldn't, like they would help me try to do that,
• 59:28
  but I just, like my mom would help me or Mitch would help me,
• 59:31
  because I just, I literally could not even put my socks on.
• 59:34
  And looking back at that, it's so weird.
• 59:36
  That was, I don't know why, that was a super, I remember that vividly. Yes.
• 59:41
  And I remember having to like walk around the corner because I just, I just started bawling.
• 59:46
  Because watching you have to use like a, a little tool, the little tool to put your sock on.
• 59:53
  And I just remember thinking, and the OT like bless their hearts.
• 59:57
  They won't, they won't help you.
• 1:00:00
  Like, Yeah, cause they want you to really understand. So they will sit there.
• 1:00:04
  If it takes you 10 minutes to put your sock on, They'll sit there.
• 1:00:08
  They will sit there for 10 minutes. Yeah. And again, saying that, cause that's their job.
• 1:00:11
  That's their job. Yeah, I know. Those doggone OTs. No, that's what I mean.
• 1:00:14
  Like, bless their hearts. I agree. So patient.
• 1:00:18
  I'm sitting there and I just remember thinking, I'm just gonna put her sock on.
• 1:00:22
  Right. Come on. I don't want her to sit there and struggle. She's struggling enough to live.
• 1:00:27
  Like I don't want to sit there and watch her struggle for 10 minutes to put her sock on.
• 1:00:31
  I will put her sock on.
• 1:00:32
  And I know that's, I know they're teaching her. But it was, I just had to walk out of the room
• 1:00:36
  because I was like, this is like, this is awful. Like she can't put her socks on.
• 1:00:41
  It's like there's life lessons here we'll have to describe or just explore someday, right?
• 1:00:45
  Because I'm with you. You just, can you just.
• 1:00:47
  Right. See what she's going through. Yeah. Yeah. But then at the same time, I understand that that's that's their job.
• 1:00:53
  And I mean, you know, I mean, it is helpful and and other things just like,
• 1:00:58
  you know, one of my one of my PT lesson or not lessons,
• 1:01:01
  but my hour of PT for the day was, okay, we're going to wheel you downstairs
• 1:01:06
  and you're going to practice getting in your car, getting in and out of your car.
• 1:01:10
  And that was just so hard for me to get into a car, a low car. That was so hard.
• 1:01:16
  But you know, bless them too for doing that because I'm so grateful.
• 1:01:20
  Like obviously they've done this before, they know what they're doing.
• 1:01:22
  But they sent us home with so much knowledge. Like had we not done that, Mitch and I would have had no idea how to.
• 1:01:30
  I would have been like, how in the world do we get her in the car?
• 1:01:34
  You know? And they have all these little tips and tricks. And yeah.
• 1:01:38
  Yeah and then just other things I have, sneezing and coughing were insanely painful.
• 1:01:43
  Because my ribs and my pelvis and everything. I, oh, I have finally took a shower by myself,
• 1:01:49
  took four months until I was able to shower by myself. So I remember the first shower was.
• 1:01:57
  Week two in rehab and the OT came in and it was time for my first shower. And I remember that was
• 1:02:03
  so hard because I'm just naked in front of five people who are trying to help me shower. I'm,
• 1:02:10
  I'm just, you know, it's like at such a low place, you're so uncomfortable, I'm in so much pain,
• 1:02:15
  and it's like I'm just trying to shower. Like I can't even shower, you know what I mean, without
• 1:02:18
  five people helping me. And so that, I remember that was difficult and then coming home for,
• 1:02:23
  yeah, the first four months or whatever, like my mom would, or Mitch would help me.
• 1:02:28
  Take my clothes off, get into the shower, sit on the bench. My mom would have to wash my hair
• 1:02:33
  because I couldn't keep my hands above my head for too long and it was just, it was just too much.
• 1:02:37
  I remember shaving your legs. Shaving my legs, like it was just, it was a huge task.
• 1:02:44
  And so that was a big moment to finally do that by myself.
• 1:02:48
  And the warm water would hurt, like my broken bones and just weird water stuff.
• 1:02:52
  You couldn't get your back. Yeah, because my sacrum would just...
• 1:02:55
  But you had to sit with your back to the shower. Exactly, yeah, just weird things. Mmm.
• 1:03:00
  Let's see. Mitch had to give me a shot in my stomach every morning for the first month or so.
• 1:03:07
  Blood clots or something. To help prevent blood clots. And I hate needles, so that was just torture in my ears.
• 1:03:12
  There we go. Mitch is so good.
• 1:03:14
  I was like, I don't think I can do this. And Mitch was like, I got it, no problem.
• 1:03:18
  Yeah. We watched a lot of March Madness, Shark Tank. Shark Tank. I still, I think about that. It's my go-to.
• 1:03:25
  Yep, that's a good one still. Let's see. Oh, I just remember all of the Just the stairs I would get when I was out in public with my cane. That was just another lesson
• 1:03:35
  I'm like, I hope I never do that. I hope I never make it obvious or you know to me it's like.
• 1:03:41
  They're already going through something if they're if they're using any of that and it's like just I just remember people
• 1:03:47
  There are a few people that would not even break eye contact with me and just look me up and down whisper right in front
• 1:03:52
  I was gonna say, I remember hearing people pass by and you would hear, because to be fair,
• 1:03:58
  you're young, you know, that you're walking with a cane, or even when you were in your wheelchair,
• 1:04:04
  I remember people would pass by and be like,
• 1:04:06
  did you see that girl?
• 1:04:07
  What'd you think happened? I wonder what happened to her. I wonder what's wrong with her.
• 1:04:10
  I get the curiosity, but maybe wait a minute. Wait, yeah, because I think it was just crushing
• 1:04:15
  for you to be like, oh my gosh, yeah, like I'm a human being, yeah.
• 1:04:22
  And then I don't know if you remember this, but apparently during my visit,
• 1:04:26
  I don't remember this either, by the way, Mitch told me this, but after my first surgery,
• 1:04:30
  my eye was slightly open.
• 1:04:31
  So my eye got a laceration. Oh, I do remember that.
• 1:04:35
  Because we were worried about- My sight or something.
• 1:04:39
  Like I got a cut in my eye because it was open for too long.
• 1:04:42
  And you would have to rub like a lubricant on my eyeball for days.
• 1:04:48
  So that was just another annoying thing. Yeah, I thought that was- And I just, I do remember feeling so bad
• 1:04:53
  cause you had so much going on. I know, I was like, of course I can't see.
• 1:04:56
  And you were like, my eye, like my eye.
• 1:04:59
  Okay, and then this is the more, I keep wanting to say vulnerable.
• 1:05:02
  I don't know if that's the right word, but.
• 1:05:04
  I just kind of wrote this. Your handwriting in your journal is impeccable. Oh, it's crazy.
• 1:05:10
  These are tear. Oh my gosh, there really are tears.
• 1:05:17
  I feel like I was maybe trying to be like too poetic when I wrote this, but I'm just going to
• 1:05:20
  read it anyway. Okay, hold on. Let me see where this is. This was in August. So I said it's been
• 1:05:24
  six months since my accident. I've had a lot on my mind. I, oh, the reason I wrote this down was
• 1:05:31
  was because I felt myself downplaying everything that happened, and I don't know why I do that,
• 1:05:36
  but as time went on, I'd be like,
• 1:05:38
  oh, it was just a little car accident, or it was, you know what I mean?
• 1:05:42
  Because when you're kind of through the thick of it, I would just kind of dismiss what actually happened,
• 1:05:47
  and I wanted to write down a lot of the hard parts, not because I wanted to relive those and remember those,
• 1:05:54
  but I also do want to.
• 1:05:56
  Part of what your journey's like. Right, and I want to justify what I went through
• 1:06:00
  so I can remember that.
• 1:06:02
  So I can almost be like, okay, this was challenging and look how far I've come for myself mostly,
• 1:06:08
  but just so I can remember that instead of downplaying it because then it almost makes,
• 1:06:13
  it just kind of takes away everything that I learned and went through when I'm constantly shutting it down.
• 1:06:18
  Yeah, I like to say, yeah, don't invalidate yourself. We do that so often just as people.
• 1:06:23
  Right, so, okay, I said, waking up in a hospital bed as nurses were basically pulling my top half
• 1:06:30
  for my bottom half while trying to move me, all while not knowing what happened to me was horrible.
• 1:06:36
  Getting in a horrible accident after finally being placed in the perfect externship was unfair.
• 1:06:41
  Didn't think I would cry. I was so addicted. No, me too.
• 1:06:44
  Okay, only being able to have two visitors per day from 10 to six and then being, gosh.
• 1:06:51
  And then being left alone to worry and be with my pain and solitude was extremely lonely.
• 1:06:58
  Being forced out of my hospital bed after surgery to stand up with physical therapists was excruciating.
• 1:07:07
  Getting a shot in my stomach every day for over a month was painful.
• 1:07:11
  Needing help to go to the bathroom and wipe was extremely embarrassing.
• 1:07:15
  Not having an appetite and losing 15 pounds in two weeks was disheartening.
• 1:07:20
  Having a tube coming out of my lung and through my ribs was disturbing.
• 1:07:26
  Seeing my body covered with blood, cuts, scrapes, bruises, and IV lines was scary.
• 1:07:33
  My first time in a car after that accident to get transported from trauma to a rehab
• 1:07:37
  hospital was terrifying.
• 1:07:40
  Only sleeping two hours a night because of discomfort and then being woken up at 7am
• 1:07:44
  three hours of PT was challenging.
• 1:07:49
  Using my walker with a broken elbow and only one good leg was draining.
• 1:07:53
  Seeing my non-existent strength in my core and legs during the simple PT exercises was alarming.
• 1:08:01
  Using a wheelchair because one short hallway was too much for my body was upsetting.
• 1:08:07
  Spending Valentine's Day in the hospital without my husband was not fun.
• 1:08:12
  Being woken up every two to four hours at night for my meds was frustrating,
• 1:08:19
  having nurses help me out of bed to use the commode and watching them take the
• 1:08:23
  bucket out to clean it afterwards was humiliating having my first shower,
• 1:08:28
  sorry guys having my first shower as I sat naked on a bench in front of three
• 1:08:33
  other people while they cleaned me it's awkward knowing that if I wanted to use
• 1:08:38
  the bathroom I would need help lifting my legs off the bed as well as needing
• 1:08:42
  five minutes to get there with my walker and needing help to lower myself on the
• 1:08:47
  toilet was infuriating. Being discharged and getting in a car to come home was
• 1:08:51
  scary. Feeling trapped in my own room because I was too weak to do anything
• 1:08:55
  else was frustrating. Having my pain and feelings dismissed by those around me
• 1:09:00
  was heartbreaking. Watching my friends all graduate when I should have was torture. Feeling like I was a burden. Feeling like I was a burden on my mom
• 1:09:11
  Mitch was upsetting.
• 1:09:14
  Needing help getting in or out of my own bed was difficult. Having 24-7 pain for the first four months
• 1:09:20
  is something I would never wish upon anyone.
• 1:09:23
  Needing help washing my hair and body, putting lotion on, and brushing my hair was hard.
• 1:09:28
  Lying awake all night without sleep was lonely.
• 1:09:31
  Feeling so angry at what happened to me was consuming and challenging.
• 1:09:35
  Going to multiple physical therapy and doctor appointments weekly was tiring.
• 1:09:39
  Having swollen areas of my body and losing my curves was disheartening and made it feel like I was not beautiful,
• 1:09:46
  not feeling grateful that I was alive and that things weren't worse made me feel guilty.
• 1:09:52
  I could go on and on, but overall, it has been overwhelmingly challenging and lonely,
• 1:09:58
  and can still feel that way. Things are getting so much better,
• 1:10:01
  but I don't want to forget the things that I experienced because I'm so proud of myself.
• 1:10:06
  It has been so hard, but I'm coming out of it stronger and wiser than before, and for that, I'm grateful.
• 1:10:12
  Man, that's hard. I don't know. It shows you how close to the surface, okay, all the emotions can still be.
• 1:10:21
  Right, and it's hard because I feel like a lot of that stuff is just things that unless you were right there with me,
• 1:10:29
  you just wouldn't know that I was feeling or going through.
• 1:10:32
  And I don't even know. I don't even know why I'm sharing that. I'm glad you did.
• 1:10:38
  I think it's just eye-opening and kind of goes back to the message of you just don't know what people are going through and what they still are feeling or experiencing.
• 1:10:47
  And I think that was just such a great lesson for me. Do you know it's so heartbreaking to hear you read that because like I was here.
• 1:10:57
  Yeah. You were so positive all the time. Yeah. And...
• 1:11:03
  It just breaks my heart to hear some of the way that you describe things.
• 1:11:08
  It's almost like eye-opening right now to me to be like, I didn't, like I knew it was hard, right?
• 1:11:14
  But like to hear you describe it that way, it's just like, it just breaks my heart for everything that you went through and continue to go through, you know?
• 1:11:27
  Because of that, because you never, you really, you didn't complain.
• 1:11:31
  You didn't, you know, I knew you were down, but that was to be expected, right?
• 1:11:37
  But you didn't complain. That's the first time I've heard you express a lot of those feelings.
• 1:11:44
  And I think that that is probably very, I just think of other people who have gone through
• 1:11:48
  similar things have probably felt that way. And on the outside, being on the outside,
• 1:11:53
  you just, we don't know that. You don't know that, you know, others don't know,
• 1:11:57
  know what you're going through.
• 1:12:02
  Even to be here and to be with you 24 hours a day, I didn't know a lot of that.
• 1:12:08
  That's interesting.
• 1:12:09
  Okay. Alex, first of all, I think it's important to note that we don't know what it will sound
• 1:12:14
  like if you hear mauling in the background or licking or Alex's amazing one-year-old
• 1:12:20
  golden retriever, Charlie, is here providing comic relief, but also woke up from her nap
• 1:12:25
  while you were relaying those heartfelt notes.
• 1:12:27
  Yeah, she's really positive. That's right.
• 1:12:31
  Licking my shoe. Licking your shoe right now, which is really nice.
• 1:12:34
  I think another question and then maybe we can wrap things up.
• 1:12:38
  But one of the things I get asked often too is, you know, what's this?
• 1:12:43
  Will you be able to have kids?
• 1:12:44
  As I ask it even, it's even been said of, can you believe that somebody is worried about
• 1:12:48
  her having kids versus the, maybe it's the people that are saying, hey, at least she's alive.
• 1:12:54
  What are your thoughts on all that and what do you know?
• 1:12:59
  Is it anybody's business? Oh, I see what you're saying.
• 1:13:01
  Yeah, you see what I'm saying? I totally get it.
• 1:13:05
  I get the curiosity and that's – you assume that when someone's – well, I would assume
• 1:13:11
  that if someone had extensive pelvic injuries that that could definitely be affected.
• 1:13:15
  So I completely understand the curiosity from that and it's still unknown exactly on how How?
• 1:13:25
  Birth and giving birth will be. But as far as what I've been told is that I should be able to have kids, it's just how
• 1:13:35
  I will deliver them is the question because there's a bolt going through very close to
• 1:13:40
  my pubic symphysis, which there's just a lot of unknown, I guess, of how my pelvis will
• 1:13:45
  move when I need to give birth.
• 1:13:48
  So it's pretty potential that there would be a C-section or things like that.
• 1:13:53
  I also don't know if that will just be more painful since I have issues back there.
• 1:14:00
  It's like if just my body moving and changing with the baby,
• 1:14:04
  like I'm sure that that could cause a lot of issues.
• 1:14:07
  So they've definitely made note to have me see a specialist when I'm considering that just to make sure we look at everything.
• 1:14:16
  But no, I totally, I get the curiosity and thankfully I don't mind talking about that
• 1:14:23
  because thankfully it is not anything that we're super concerned about right now.
• 1:14:29
  As in, it's not like a scary answer because it should be possible somehow, which is good.
• 1:14:36
  As we kind of wrap things up, and I think you've covered everything,
• 1:14:41
  but if people have questions, I would love for them to send them to us
• 1:14:44
  and we can get on and do another one in a little while too. I love that.
• 1:14:49
  I think that, right? I just also want to take the time to just thank all the people who have just done literally
• 1:14:59
  anything, whether it's prayers or good vibes or keeping their curiosity and asking my parents
• 1:15:07
  about me or checking in on social media, sending me a message.
• 1:15:12
  And especially when we had our GoFundMe up, just the donations we got were just truly
• 1:15:19
  mind-blowing and I just cannot, I seriously cannot express my gratitude enough for everyone,
• 1:15:25
  that contributed to that and I think...
• 1:15:28
  I just, I really, I feel like I need to apologize for not expressing that gratitude sooner. I
• 1:15:36
  really, it just, that was, that is just such a, such a difficult thing to ask for someone.
• 1:15:46
  To, to help in that way. And at the time, it really just felt like survival mode to get through
• 1:15:54
  those months. It was just such a weird feeling. I remember after putting the GoFundMe up,
• 1:16:00
  I was bawling for hours after because it felt so wrong and vulnerable to be asking people
• 1:16:09
  for that sort of help. It just seriously means the world for the people who shared it and.
• 1:16:16
  Donated. I cannot thank everyone enough and express how truly helpful that has been for
• 1:16:24
  Mitch and I and our family and just has really helped us get through this time and the support
• 1:16:31
  seriously was just, it was insane.
• 1:16:33
  And I just, I wish there was a way I could express that gratitude better, but I'm just
• 1:16:38
  so grateful and I felt like I definitely should address that on this just because of how many
• 1:16:46
  just wonderful supporters and followers there have been throughout this whole thing.
• 1:16:49
  It was phenomenal and it did just, it was really touching because when you got deeper
• 1:16:56
  into that world of GoFundMe, you would see people that would have a lot of things that
• 1:17:00
  they were dealing with and there wouldn't necessarily be the support.
• 1:17:03
  And then I would find myself feeling bad for those people.
• 1:17:06
  And to know that even the people that were getting some support like yourself felt bad about that.
• 1:17:13
  It just shows you what a tough spot it's in. But yeah, how grateful though we all were for the people that just anything, and it
• 1:17:20
  wasn't even just financially, it was like spreading the word or like you say, the prayers
• 1:17:24
  or any of that was amazing.
• 1:17:26
  It really was. And I'm just super grateful.
• 1:17:29
  And yeah, and it's just, it is really crazy to think that that was over a year ago and
• 1:17:34
  just to see how far I've come and just how changed I am because of it, both physically
• 1:17:43
  and mentally and just how it's such a new world of dealing with chronic pain and the,
• 1:17:54
  mental struggles from it.
• 1:17:56
  And it's opened my eyes to just so many things like what other people are going through.
• 1:18:02
  And it still is hard for me to even talk about it because I default to the fact that I know
• 1:18:08
  people out there have it worse. And so it feels weird to dive into my story.
• 1:18:16
  When I know it can be worse. But I obviously am grateful for everything it's taught me,
• 1:18:23
  as difficult as it has been and still is.
• 1:18:27
  But I do think there have just been so many valuable lessons and things to learn from it.
• 1:18:31
  So I'm grateful to be here.
• 1:18:34
  Grateful that you are willing to share and that we have a platform to kind of get the message out.
• 1:18:38
  Because I know that, again, we never wish that any of this would have happened.
• 1:18:42
  But I know personally, I know from people that I work with in my office from the messages that we receive that there have been a lot of
• 1:18:48
  things that people have been able to self-reflect and make some change in their lives. So yeah,
• 1:18:52
  yeah, I'm grateful that you're willing to be this open and thank you to our off the mic guest,
• 1:18:58
  Wendy, for all that you've done. This counts as you being on the podcast.
• 1:19:05
  I think she's been three, maybe you were in the background. No, you were in COVID Kids.
• 1:19:10
  And then the first one of these episodes, so three, three times that I've had John here,
• 1:19:13
  one of these times it's going to be one-on-one and in-depth interview. Okay. Alex, thanks
• 1:19:18
  Thanks a lot. Thank you.
• 1:19:19
  Music.