Latest / HAIstoric Phonograph — irreverent dispatches from a history that never quite happened
Kublai Khan Declares War on Goddamn Water
Send us Fan MailImperial report blames “aggressive moisture” for loss of 4,400 ships, insists everyone just went for a long swim. ’’’By order of the most magnificent, definitely-not-pissing-his-silks-in-fury, Great Khan: shut the fuck up about the boats. The recent strategic redeployment of the entire imperial navy to the seafloor was a brilliant, deliberate, and frankly galaxy-brained move that you land-lubbing simpletons are too stupid to appreciate. The official report is in, and it’s very clear: this wasn’t a defeat. It was an Unscheduled Submarine Inspection. According to a scroll we…
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