Latest / ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿 / 👩🏼‍🏫How to Actually Switch Off After School (Without the Guilt)

Transcript

👩🏼‍🏫How to Actually Switch Off After School (Without the Guilt) · ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿

• 0:25
  Hello, hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode
• 0:28
  of Aligned and Thriving for Teachers.
• 0:31
  I thought I'd do a bit of a reintroduction to myself this
• 0:34
  time because it's been a while. I've created a few episodes now,
• 0:37
  but hi, hello. I am Mel.
• 0:39
  I'm a teacher, I'm a mum to some gorgeous 20s, I'm a wife and
• 0:47
  yeah, I'm just a lot of things really.
• 0:50
  But the whole reason I started a podcast was because my wonderful
• 0:54
  husband told me that I should start talking to people who
• 0:57
  actually wanted to listen. Yeah, that pretty well sums it
• 1:00
  up. But it did make sense because I
• 1:02
  really wanted an outlet somewhere where I could share
• 1:06
  with others things that I wanted to know when I was starting
• 1:10
  teaching and just being able to talk and share with you the
• 1:13
  stuff that is on my heart. And I know that some of you are
• 1:17
  thinking, but no one is saying. So I love that we can have this
• 1:20
  time together and that we can share these things.
• 1:22
  So let's get started into today's episode.
• 1:25
  And this one is a really good one.
• 1:27
  And I've had to work on this for a very long time myself.
• 1:30
  And it's talking about how to actually switch off after
• 1:36
  school. All right, so this gets thrown
• 1:41
  around a lot in teaching and I've said it before, but set
• 1:45
  boundaries. OK, I know you hear it all the
• 1:48
  time, but set boundaries, protect your time and don't take
• 1:53
  work home. But here's the thing, no one
• 1:57
  actually teaches you how to do that or how to switch off
• 2:02
  because switching off it's it's not just about saying, oh, I'm
• 2:04
  not going to check my emails when I get home.
• 2:07
  Oh, yay me. No, it is about mentally and
• 2:10
  emotionally actually leaving school, at school.
• 2:15
  And I'm going to be really honest because this is something
• 2:17
  that, as I said, I've had to learn the hard way and I don't
• 2:20
  want you to make the same mistakes.
• 2:22
  So the reality is you can leave the school grounds, but your
• 2:25
  brain is still replaying that conversation with a parent, the
• 2:29
  kid that you're still worried about, that lesson that maybe
• 2:31
  didn't go to plan, those 10 things you forgot to do.
• 2:35
  Maybe that's just me. So you're technically going
• 2:38
  home, but you're not really present.
• 2:42
  And that's the part that no one really talks about.
• 2:46
  So let's get one thing clear. You are allowed to stop, and I
• 2:51
  mean actually stop. You are allowed to not check
• 2:55
  your emails. You are allowed to not reply at
• 2:59
  night. You're allowed to have a life
• 3:02
  outside of teaching and you don't need to feel guilty about
• 3:05
  it. And again, I've said this
• 3:07
  before, I had to learn these things.
• 3:10
  It's taken me years, but I've got to a point where I can
• 3:13
  accept those as truth. So my boundary that I put in
• 3:17
  place, that actually works for me and it may work for you, but
• 3:20
  I have a little clause in my boundary and I just make it
• 3:24
  really clear. So if you really really need me,
• 3:28
  you call or text, but if you email me, I will see that
• 3:32
  tomorrow during working hours just full stop.
• 3:34
  I will only communicate during my own working hours too.
• 3:38
  But I also make that really clear with staff as to when I'm
• 3:41
  at work. I'm at work.
• 3:42
  So I get to work really early around 7/30, 7:45.
• 3:46
  But I leave on time because I have a life outside of teaching
• 3:50
  and I also have two kids that both play sports and have
• 3:52
  appointments and just real life. And once I leave those school
• 3:57
  gates, like I switch off, I am in mum mode, I'm in wife mode,
• 4:01
  I'm in me mode. I am just done.
• 4:03
  So if it is utterly urgent, I know that someone's gonna call
• 4:07
  me or they're gonna text me. And then they'll see that I've
• 4:10
  had a response. Like if you're gonna call me,
• 4:12
  obviously if I don't answer, they leave a message and I get
• 4:14
  back to them because you're able to tell me what it is you're
• 4:16
  actually wanting. But if you send me that email at
• 4:20
  5:00, good luck to you. That's all I'm gonna say.
• 4:23
  And don't, please don't be that person that titles your emails.
• 4:28
  Oh, don't read this till tomorrow and then send the email
• 4:32
  because that just puts it in someone's head.
• 4:35
  And this I had to force myself and like sit on my hands because
• 4:39
  I'd be the person be like, oh, but now I know.
• 4:40
  And now I want to know what it says because now you've like
• 4:43
  intrigued me, like, oh, don't read till tomorrow.
• 4:45
  Oh, I better read it now. So just send the email if you
• 4:49
  have to get it off your chest, but do not expect that they're
• 4:52
  going to read it. It's their choice.
• 4:53
  It's their boundaries that they're putting in place.
• 4:56
  I have delay send on my email sometimes too because yes, I get
• 5:00
  up really early. We know this.
• 5:01
  I get up at 4:30 and sometimes I actually do need to organise
• 5:05
  things in my life. So I will probably get up.
• 5:08
  I do my gym. I've done my gratitude
• 5:10
  journaling and I probably have 5-10 minutes where I'm like oh
• 5:13
  brain dump I need to send these emails today so I better send
• 5:16
  them now before I forget or I'll write a list of what I need to
• 5:18
  do and I delay send them. Although this is just it's on
• 5:23
  topic, but off topic at the same time I was I did delay send an
• 5:28
  email to we're in the process of renovating and so we're talking
• 5:31
  about our kitchen. OK, so I have delay sent an
• 5:34
  email to our joiner to say, oh, can we change one of these
• 5:39
  cupboards to a bin cupboard? Right, BIN bin cupboard.
• 5:43
  I typed so quickly that it wrote bun, BUN, bun cupboard.
• 5:49
  So I then get a response from the joiner saying, I have
• 5:53
  Googled this, I have talked to the other joiners.
• 5:56
  Do you mean like a bread cupboard or do you mean a broom
• 6:00
  cupboard? Like we've tried really hard to
• 6:02
  work out what a bun cupboard is because we haven't really heard
• 6:05
  of that before. And I'm like, Oh my goodness,
• 6:08
  maybe I should proofread them before I click delay send.
• 6:12
  So then I had to reply be like, no, that was me.
• 6:15
  It's it's a bin cupboard. I want a bin cupboard.
• 6:19
  Thankfully they have a sense of humour and they wrote back and
• 6:21
  sorry to any New Zealanders that are listening, but they're like,
• 6:25
  maybe if I had my NZ Philtre on it would have made sense, you
• 6:27
  know, bun cupboard, ha ha, ha, ha.
• 6:31
  Anyway, so if you're going to delay send, don't do what I did
• 6:35
  and not check your spelling. Make sure you check all of that
• 6:38
  before you do that. But that is like a sum up of
• 6:41
  boundaries that I put in place so that I can actually switch
• 6:45
  off and do the things that I need to do.
• 6:47
  So I'll give you another real life example.
• 6:49
  So I don't even go to the hairdresser if they are like
• 6:56
  connected too much to the school because I want to go to my
• 7:01
  appointments to actually enjoy my appointment.
• 7:03
  And the hairdresser I have now I've had for years.
• 7:07
  And she sort of moved away for a bit and then she came back and
• 7:09
  when she came back, I got to start going back to her again.
• 7:13
  And that's worked out really well because she knows my
• 7:15
  boundaries and she actually doesn't talk to me about certain
• 7:18
  things school. She'll talk to me about her kids
• 7:21
  and about other stuff and completely other random topics.
• 7:25
  And then when she goes, right, I'm going to let you colour set
• 7:28
  or whatever, that's my reading book time.
• 7:31
  And she does not interrupt that. She gives me my coffee and then
• 7:33
  she just leaves me be until we wash my hair and I get the extra
• 7:36
  long head massage because I love that.
• 7:39
  That is the only time, fun fact about me, the only time I
• 7:42
  actually let people touch my hair.
• 7:44
  I really struggle with people touching my hair, even my own
• 7:47
  child. Like I have lost my mind and the
• 7:50
  amount of times when my daughter touches my hair and I'm like,
• 7:52
  oh, please don't touch mommy's hair.
• 7:54
  I don't know what it is, whether it was years of like yanking
• 7:58
  knots out of my hair, but I'm it has to be a hairdresser and it
• 8:03
  has to be for a certain reason as to why you're touching my
• 8:05
  hair. So there you go.
• 8:07
  So that's just one little boundary.
• 8:09
  Like you might have a boundary around who you go to for certain
• 8:12
  things and it's not because I don't like the person, it's just
• 8:16
  you need space. You need space from school.
• 8:18
  You're not there to be a teacher.
• 8:20
  You're not there to solve your kids problems or be a tutor or
• 8:23
  anything like that. You're not a miss.
• 8:25
  You're not anything except just you in that moment.
• 8:27
  So you need places where you can go, where you can just be
• 8:31
  yourself. If that means that you need to
• 8:33
  go get a massage somewhere where they don't know you at all, you
• 8:37
  do that because you need to just be yourself.
• 8:40
  You're not there to be a teacher and to solve their teaching
• 8:42
  related woes. Yeah, so that's one thing.
• 8:46
  Another thing that's changed everything for me.
• 8:48
  And I said about delay sending emails, but just make sure that
• 8:54
  you check your spelling and all of those things.
• 8:58
  And I'm not going to be the person who's going to interrupt
• 9:00
  someone else's boundaries. That shift alone for me was a
• 9:04
  bit of a game changer that if I have these boundaries, I want
• 9:08
  other people to respect them. I'm also going to respect their
• 9:10
  boundaries. But that doesn't mean if you
• 9:13
  understand what I'm trying to say is in the reverse of if
• 9:16
  they're messaging me every night at 5/6, 7:00 at night and I
• 9:20
  don't reply and they're getting annoyed, I just reiterate, I'm
• 9:24
  sorry, but between those times, I'm a mum and I'm not doing
• 9:28
  school work then. So if you really need something,
• 9:30
  you need to email me before 5:00, then you need to talk to
• 9:33
  me at school about it. And I'm just open to us.
• 9:35
  Now. That's taken years.
• 9:37
  It's taken a long time for me to develop a backlone.
• 9:40
  Finally got one. But yeah, so let's get practical
• 9:44
  because we all love strategies that you can just, you know,
• 9:47
  bang, bang, bang, put them in place and actually get
• 9:49
  somewhere. So I know you don't want to just
• 9:52
  listen to me. You want something actually
• 9:54
  tactical? Tactical.
• 9:55
  That is not the word. That is not the word.
• 9:57
  Well, my words are waiting. You want something tangible?
• 10:01
  Is that what I mean? I think that's what I mean.
• 10:03
  Something that you can actually go and work on and do anyway.
• 10:09
  So number one, you're going to set boundaries early and say
• 10:14
  them out loud to yourself. You need to set them inside.
• 10:16
  Don't just say them in your head.
• 10:18
  Tell your team. Tell the people that you work
• 10:20
  with. What are the hours that you work
• 10:23
  in? OK, if that means 8:15 when you
• 10:27
  get to work and 3:30, well, they're your working hours when
• 10:32
  you're going to respond to emails, you can tell them when
• 10:34
  that's going to be. For me, 7:45, maybe up to 5:00
• 10:38
  PM, depending on the day, certainly not a Friday and
• 10:41
  certainly not weekends. And make sure if people are
• 10:46
  pushing on your boundaries that you gently guide them back to
• 10:52
  what your actual boundaries are and people will start to follow
• 10:57
  what you are consistently allowing them to do.
• 10:59
  So if you start to consistently allow them to send you an email
• 11:03
  at 7:00 and you're replying, you're setting an expectation
• 11:06
  that that's what's going to happen.
• 11:08
  So don't do that. Don't make that mistake again.
• 11:11
  Learn from my mistakes because I had to do that.
• 11:15
  Number 2, create yourself what I like to call a switch off
• 11:22
  routine. This is huge.
• 11:26
  You need something that tells your brain work is done.
• 11:31
  So for me, as I leave school, I take a breath.
• 11:35
  I then get in the car, I put some music on and I shift the
• 11:39
  vibe. Most of the time I have my kids
• 11:42
  with me. So the kids and I will talk
• 11:44
  about our day, we'll talk about the good things, we'll get it
• 11:46
  all sorted. Then we start to switch it and
• 11:48
  change into home mode. So we start talking about what
• 11:50
  are we going to do when we get home?
• 11:52
  What are our jobs that we need to get done before we can relax
• 11:54
  and rest and recharge. So then by the time we get home,
• 11:57
  we've already started that transition.
• 11:59
  And then they know, they get out, we unpack, we get changed.
• 12:03
  I love to just get changed into, I'd like to, I'd like to say
• 12:08
  daggy clothes, but it's like more comfortable clothing.
• 12:11
  I have friends that go straight into their PJS.
• 12:13
  Like I just like to get rid of the day.
• 12:15
  So I have work clothes and I have home clothes and I get into
• 12:18
  my home clothes. If you've ever seen Leno and
• 12:20
  Woodley and they actually go and do a thing about home clothes,
• 12:25
  that that is me. That is 110% me.
• 12:28
  I am that person. So if you rock up to my house
• 12:31
  and I don't know that you're coming, I'm going to be in a
• 12:33
  massive oversized daggy jumper and track pants and probably my
• 12:38
  Ugg boots depending on the weather.
• 12:39
  Or it'll be socks and slides because that's me.
• 12:42
  I'm comfortable, I'm happy, and I'm already very happily married
• 12:47
  and my husband loves me and knows that this is what I do.
• 12:49
  So I'm actually not trying to impress anyone.
• 12:51
  I'm done. I am done with my day.
• 12:53
  I'm done with that. So that is what I do.
• 12:57
  And then we're in full home mode.
• 12:59
  So that's how we roll. We have a basically get home,
• 13:03
  get unpacked, get in home mode routine.
• 13:06
  And then that's obviously of course on the night.
• 13:09
  So we don't have sport because sometimes we have sport, but
• 13:11
  it's the same routine. When we get home, we unpack, we
• 13:13
  get into home mode and that's it.
• 13:16
  So #3 Give your brain the permission to actually switch
• 13:21
  off. You don't need to be productive
• 13:24
  all night. And for me sometimes this means
• 13:27
  just completely vegging out like we do the after school chaos.
• 13:32
  Then once the kids are in bed, this is like my window between
• 13:35
  5:00 and 7:30. Now their bedtime is so between
• 13:40
  that time like we are in parent sport rush everyone like
• 13:48
  destress get ready for bed do all of those things and it's
• 13:51
  7:30 that's when I flick over to like wife mode.
• 13:55
  We have tea light, yes, because I feed my kids first because I
• 13:59
  want them to get in, get showered, get ready for bed, and
• 14:01
  then I actually sit down to relax and eat my tea.
• 14:07
  On weekends we eat together, but on weeknights when things are
• 14:10
  really hectic, like we might have one kid that's at
• 14:12
  gymnastics to 8:00 and the other one that's at hockey or
• 14:15
  whatever. So we're eating at different
• 14:17
  times. So for my husband and I, it's
• 14:18
  just easier if when they've gone to bed, then we sit down to have
• 14:22
  tea and then we have time for us and have that little window of
• 14:26
  time where we might watch an episode of whatever we're
• 14:28
  watching and then we probably go to bed.
• 14:31
  So that's, that's just what we do and that's enough.
• 14:35
  That is giving my brain permission to start switching
• 14:38
  off. Then this leads into my next
• 14:41
  one, which is #4 which is to have a proper wind down routine
• 14:46
  at night time. Now, it's not just a nice idea.
• 14:50
  This is backed by science. OK?
• 14:52
  Your brain needs cues that it is time to go to sleep, so if
• 14:56
  you're scrolling and replying emails and thinking about work,
• 15:00
  your brains gone back and switched back on.
• 15:03
  For me, I need to turn it off and my routine is like skin care
• 15:06
  so I will double cleanse. So that's washing your face.
• 15:09
  Then I do my skin care routine. We don't have any bright lights
• 15:12
  on. I only have a lamp on in the
• 15:14
  bedroom. We then have this whole routine
• 15:18
  with the dog. It's hilarious.
• 15:19
  The dog Nyla, bless her heart, she's just turned to You would
• 15:24
  see my post about her birthday. But our gorgeous girl, she has a
• 15:28
  routine, she's quite trained, but she will not go to bed
• 15:32
  unless she has said goodnight to my husband.
• 15:34
  So when I'm doing my skin care routine, the dog actually comes
• 15:38
  in and sits on our bed and gets her pets.
• 15:41
  So she's getting her pets. I get ready for bed and then
• 15:43
  when I'm finished getting ready with my routine, I then pick the
• 15:46
  dog up and then I take her to her crate and put her to bed and
• 15:50
  then I go to bed. It's all part of the routine.
• 15:53
  The dog knows like that's it. And then I go back in and I go
• 15:57
  back to bed. Now I sleep now, which is
• 16:00
  hilarious. Just makes the attractiveness of
• 16:02
  me just oh I'm just a 10 out of 10 ha ha ha confidence plus no
• 16:09
  So bedtime. I now have this amazing looking
• 16:12
  eye mask that has speakers built into it so my husband can't
• 16:17
  actually hear what I'm listening to.
• 16:20
  Excuse me, what are your goodness?
• 16:23
  I'm talking about sleep. I made myself sleepy.
• 16:25
  No, I've got my eye mask on and I've got my speakers and I
• 16:29
  listen to subliminals. So it might be a de stress one,
• 16:34
  it might be a calming one, It might just be beach noises or
• 16:36
  white noise. But I can hear it and it's quite
• 16:39
  comfortable but he can't hear it.
• 16:41
  So it's not disturbing him and his sleep.
• 16:44
  And I can sleep quite comfortably with it on.
• 16:47
  Sometimes I wake up and take it off.
• 16:48
  Other nights I've woken up and it's still on my face and I'm
• 16:50
  like, Oh my gosh, there's a blackout.
• 16:52
  No, my eye mask is still on my face, but it's got a timer and
• 16:56
  everything built in. So I just put it on for an hour
• 16:58
  and usually in that time I have drifted off to sleep.
• 17:01
  And that has really helped my signals to my brain to tell me
• 17:05
  that it is time to go to sleep. So I don't scroll on my phone in
• 17:11
  bed. I don't do anything like that.
• 17:12
  That is my proper wind down routine at night and that's my
• 17:17
  signal that we are done for the day #5 Another tip for you, this
• 17:23
  is to brain dump everything. It's simple but it's so powerful
• 17:29
  because if your mind is racing, you've got to get it out.
• 17:32
  And I actually have a little diary where I get everything
• 17:36
  down. It's got two sides, one side's
• 17:38
  for home and the other. Side is for work.
• 17:41
  Oh my goodness. Excuse me?
• 17:43
  Alright, go again, sorry. And one side's for work.
• 17:46
  So on the home side I will get out and it's just like dot
• 17:50
  points. I'll write down anything I need
• 17:51
  to remember. And then on the work stuff I'll
• 17:54
  write down stuff on that side and then it's just out of my
• 17:56
  head. And that is a go to as well.
• 17:59
  At any time during the afternoon, if there's something
• 18:01
  that just pops up, I'm like, quick, just go write it down.
• 18:04
  And then it's gone because I once it's down, like you don't
• 18:07
  have to worry about it anymore. It is out of your head.
• 18:09
  It's on paper, It's parked OK, so you can park it.
• 18:12
  I know my mom actually used to do this when I was growing up.
• 18:15
  She had a notepad and pen beside the bed because sometimes she
• 18:19
  would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night and be like,
• 18:21
  Oh my goodness, I didn't do XYZ. So then she started going to bed
• 18:24
  with that beside her and would write it down and then it would
• 18:29
  be out of her head and she could go back to sleep.
• 18:30
  So this is kind of from mom and lots of other people.
• 18:33
  If you've heard of Steph Pays and her planners, she actually
• 18:37
  has a planner and so does the habit tracker.
• 18:41
  That's another one. They've got the planner with a
• 18:43
  brain dump section and then how to organise your thoughts and
• 18:46
  that type of stuff. So they're not new ideas,
• 18:49
  they're shared by lots of people, but it works.
• 18:51
  You just need to get it out and park it and come back to it
• 18:53
  tomorrow. So there you go.
• 18:56
  There's some little hits, tips, tips, tips, ha, hits.
• 19:01
  Oh my goodness me, let's take a breath.
• 19:04
  Hints, tips and tricks for you to help you learn to actually
• 19:10
  switch off. It looks different for everyone,
• 19:13
  and maybe for you it looks completely different.
• 19:16
  It might be that you need to scroll for 20 minutes when you
• 19:19
  get home to just decompress. You might need to watch some
• 19:23
  reality TV. You might need to zone out to
• 19:26
  something. Pre pre my husband, I was the
• 19:30
  home and away child. So I would like get home, do all
• 19:33
  the things and then I would completely zone out to home and
• 19:36
  away and then I was good. My husband is not a fan so I've
• 19:40
  had to like change to other things.
• 19:42
  But that's OK. We compromise.
• 19:45
  It might be that you go for a walk, get out of the house, get
• 19:48
  some exercise, get your steps done.
• 19:50
  It might be that you just need to sit in silence.
• 19:53
  I know after being in a very hectic work environment where
• 19:56
  kids can be really loud, sometimes you just need that
• 19:58
  moment of peace and silence. Sometimes I do actually do that
• 20:02
  too because I've got the sauna now and I'll actually tell the
• 20:07
  kids I just need 20 minutes in the sauna and they will just
• 20:11
  give me peace. So Yep, probably having
• 20:15
  technology time themselves, but. It gives me 20 minutes and then
• 20:19
  I come out a better person. So you do what works for you.
• 20:22
  There is no perfect way. The goal is that you leave work
• 20:26
  and you actually feel like you have left work.
• 20:30
  You know, our job is not like so many others.
• 20:33
  It is so different, so vast and the expectations that we have
• 20:39
  put on ourselves and that we get put on have from other people.
• 20:46
  It doesn't happen in any other profession.
• 20:48
  It is not expected. Like people would get paid to
• 20:50
  reply to an email after hours. We don't get that.
• 20:54
  So please do not think that that is the expectation you have to
• 20:58
  set. That's why I'm trying to say
• 21:00
  it's OK and you need to switch yourself off and feel like
• 21:03
  you've actually left work. So if you've loved this episode,
• 21:09
  please make sure you give it. Give me give me a follow so you
• 21:14
  get future episode notifications.
• 21:17
  Subscribe to the channel, All of the things, a review that helps
• 21:21
  get the podcast out there because all I want is for more
• 21:24
  people to hear this message. I want to know from you too, how
• 21:27
  do you switch off from school? Have you got any words of
• 21:30
  advice? What is one of these things that
• 21:33
  you could try this week? Because you deserve a life
• 21:37
  outside the classroom, Not just physically, mentally too.
• 21:40
  You deserve it. So if no one told you today,
• 21:43
  remember you are doing an amazing job, you are loved and
• 21:47
  you are important. You need to hear that today and
• 21:51
  I hope you have the best night, evening, day, whatever it is
• 21:54
  that you are up to. Thank you so much for listening.
• 21:57
  Goodbye my loves.