Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E194: The Truth About Housewives: Myth vs. Reality

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E194: The Truth About Housewives: Myth vs. Reality · The Lila Rose Show

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This idea of man provider, mom stays at home is very modern,
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it's very recent, and quite frankly, I would argue it can
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be. This is one of the points I'm
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most passionate about. The number one responsibility of
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parents is all right. So what is the solution you
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might be asking? Well, I think it's really
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important, and this is my next point that we look at.
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Hey everybody, welcome back to the Lila Rose show.
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All right, we discuss on the show, as you guys know, the
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issues of feminism, masculinity, femininity, motherhood,
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fatherhood, and we've done some past episode on what can be very
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controversial, which is should women stay home and raise their
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kids at home or should they go to work?
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Is work good? What about childcare
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arrangements? What about the balancing of all
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these these things? This is something that is highly
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controversial, certainly online in certain traditional trad way
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versus, you know, the boss babe circles.
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There's so much debate about this.
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And so for today's episode I wanted to tackle this topic and
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go through sharing my personal views on and this, which I think
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involves some principles that are key as well as some nuance.
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But really, we provide a guide for any woman who may be
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thinking through how should I set up my life?
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Should I set up my life to be that stay at home mom, no work
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outside the home period? I'm the primary caretaker?
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Should I set up my life so that I can also have a career or part
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time career, full time career? What about the raising of my
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kids? All of these things I think are
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key questions that need to be asked and answered.
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And whether you're married right now and you're working in
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arrangement, but maybe lack peace about it.
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You're like, oh, I don't. Like the way we're doing our
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lives right now. Maybe you're not married and
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you're thinking about, hey, why do I want to set up my life in
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the future? I think this episode is for you.
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Now, if you're a man listening, I think it is also for you
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because if you have a woman in your life that you love and you
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care about, these are the questions that she's grappling
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with, and that means that you're grappling with them too.
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So let's get started. The first point is we are at a
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very interesting time economically where many people
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need 2 incomes or folks are feeling the economic pressure of
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the fact that it's very difficult to raise a family on
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one income in today's economic climate.
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And this is something that, interestingly, Elizabeth Warren,
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someone that I don't agree with on most things, wrote a book.
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About. Way back when in 2004, a kind of
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a pro family book too. This is this Elizabeth Warren
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circa 2004. I think is a superior Elizabeth
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Warren to the one that we see today politically.
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That being said, she wrote this book called The Two Income Trap
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and the two income trap is about the fact that today, well then
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and today it is very, very difficult for parents to support
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a family on one income. They used to be able to do it
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much more effortlessly 3040, fifty years ago.
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Now it's much more difficult to do, but it's a trap.
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It's a trap because when you have both of the parents incomes
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now contributing to the household, and we're talking
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about these full time, you know, heavy lift jobs usually
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requiring you to leave the household, commute to a
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workplace, come back. There are all these hidden costs
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with having both of these spouses, both of the parents
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working and not one primarily being in the home.
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And those costs are not provided for ultimately.
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And So what ends up happening is it looks like you're making all
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this money and you're actually spending all this money in order
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to have two parents leave their home and their kids to go off
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and to work. And so there's a quote here that
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Elizabeth Warren wrote again back in 2004.
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She says by the usual logic, sending a second parent into the
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workforce should make a family more financially secure, not
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less. But this reasoning ignores an
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important fact of two income life.
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The stay at home mother give gave her family a safety net and
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all-purpose insurance policy against disaster.
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If 2 income families had saved the second paycheck, they would
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have built a different kind of safety net, the kind that comes
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from having plenty of money in the bank.
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But families didn't save that money.
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So she's saying, yes, maybe you have to it, you know, heavy
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hitting incomes, especially before the kids maybe.
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And but you're saving the one income you're not living and
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needing both incomes to pay the basic bills.
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She says the average 2 income family earns far more today than
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did the two then then the single breadwinner family of a
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generation ago and. Yet.
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Once they had paid all the bills and expenses, today's dual
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income families have less discretionary income and less
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money to put away for a rainy day.
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Basically saying people are saving less money today, They're
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spending more money today. And there's this illusion that
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there's more financial security because two people are making
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money and they're actually compared to decades ago, there
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is less. And so the take away here is
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having two salaries isn't the cure all for the household.
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The take away is there needs to be a focus as a family on
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building a financial trajectory that involves having savings in
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the bank, living beneath your means.
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This is where someone like a Dave Ramsey comes into play.
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And his advice is really excellent.
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We're not going to give all his advice in this episode, of
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course, but structuring one's life when you're deciding about
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how you're going to contribute and support the family
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economically to remember that. Part of the role.
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I believe of a, of a certainly of, of spouses, but a very much
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of a woman is to manage the economy of the household.
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And that isn't just, you know, making money necessarily.
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She might make money, but it's making sure that the money that
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is being made in the household is being, some of it, yes, spent
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wisely, frugally living below your means.
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And it's being saved so that if there's a rainy day, if there's
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a need, there is savings in the bank.
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And I think that is something where women should develop
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financial skills to be financially wise about how to
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use money, how to make money work for you, how to save money.
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Because it's not just about, oh, I spend money, my husband makes
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it. It's about we're going to
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utilize this money to save it, to invest it, to live below our
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means so that we are able to have a healthy economy within
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the household. I think there can be a
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temptation to go and, you know, do the corporate job or do that
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job outside of the home, you know, drop the child at daycare
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because you're going to be making, you know, maybe 6
6:06
figures. And so you look at that money
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that maybe you as the mom is bringing in and then your
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husband's bringing in, you're like, look at all this money
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we're making now. We can, you know, maybe like
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upgrade the house or at least afford the house that we want to
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get, etcetera. But I think it's really
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important to look at the hidden. Costs of yes.
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Daycare and the hidden costs of that structure of yes, I'm going
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to leave the home now and, you know, go work the the desk job
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for 4050 sixty hours a week. Because the reality is there are
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a lot of hidden costs to that decision.
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There's the cost, of course, of daycare, there's the cost of
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commuting. There's the cost of probably
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ordering take out some nights or, you know, going and buying
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that coffee or that lunch, because now you're out of your
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home, you're out of your kind of normal systems in your home.
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There's all the cost of additional cost of food
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potentially, there's the cost of, of things even just like
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work wardrobe, having to now dress this part additional cost
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to be able to do the job that you're trying to do in this
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corporate office. There have been multiple studies
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that have been done about the economic value of the stay at
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home wife. And by stay at home wife, I
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don't mean someone who isn't doing any work outside the home
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in terms of like a job that she might be doing from home, right.
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So this is by stay at home life, I mean someone who's not going
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to the corporate office every day for you know, 8 plus hours,
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but someone who is home, who's managing the household economy,
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who's managing the food, who's largely doing the child care,
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etcetera. The cost to replace all of those
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functions of the person who's doing the cleaning, the cooking,
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the child care, the household management, the shopping,
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everything is about 180 to $200,000 if you had to outsource
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all of it. And so if you are off there, you
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know, going to this job that you're making, let's say
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$120,000 or whatever it might be, but you're having to
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outsource all of these household things, including your children,
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right? Is it really breaking even even?
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And what are you losing? You're losing so much
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opportunity with your own kids and with a lifestyle where you
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are more in TuneIn. The really heartbeat of the home
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and the point that I need to make here, that is extremely
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important. So alongside everything I I've
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said, I think this is one of the points that I'm most passionate
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about. Is that the number one
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responsibility of a couple of parents is the moral education
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of their children more than making money, more than anything
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else, the fancier house, a nicer car, a vacation, you know, extra
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toys, whatever it is, obviously you need to clothe and shelter
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and feed your kids like that is an essential obligation you have
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as a parent. But they don't need fancy things
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or even, you know, do they need the, the, you know, the big
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house for that you would maybe want those things.
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But your primary responsibility, besides the basic necessities,
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is the moral education of your kids.
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And so we have to be careful when we're making these economic
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decisions about how we're working and everything else that
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we're doing that we are not delegating the moral
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responsibility for our children's education to other
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people because we're so focused on our work.
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Now, this isn't to say that other people can't support that.
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It isn't to say that, you know, there can be amazing schools
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that can support that tutors, grandparents, you know, even
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babysitters that we really trust.
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But I think a good rule of thumb that I would encourage any
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parent, any mother specifically to stick to for young children
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is in their waking hours. Who is with them the most?
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Is it you or is it a nanny? Is it you or is it their
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educational and extracurricular activities?
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And this is for, you know, especially very young children
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because quality time is important, but quantity time is
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important too. And I would encourage you to
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make it so that even with all the work you might be doing,
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which might be important work and helping the household
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economy and even the work in terms of, you know, helping
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manage your own household, that you are still the primary person
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with your kids, Give and take. You know, maybe some weeks or
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something crazy that happens, but you are there the most
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amount of hours with your kids, more than say the school or the
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sitter. Or whoever it is.
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So what does this look like? So if your children are awake on
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average between, you know, 75 to 98 hours a week when you take
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out nap times and bedtimes, etc, right?
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I would encourage you to be with the your children, you know, and
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you can be doing activities with them and even household work
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with them. But you are with your children
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as the primary caregiver, the majority of those hours, more
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than a babysitter, more than a school, more than
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extracurricular activities entrusted to other parents or
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adults. For your younger children.
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I think that's really important. As I get older, it's going to
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shift, but that's a really good rule of thumb.
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Now, this still means you have a substantial amount of time per
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week that you could work, and you could also create creative
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arrangements. But I would encourage you to
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make the majority of your children's waking hours be under
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your direct supervision and engagement as opposed to another
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institution's or another person's.
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I think that is a really good rule of thumb to maintain that
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primary bond and to be that lead moral educator for your child's.
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And we've talked about this on the show before.
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As those who are the Ogs know, we actually did a whole episode
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about the harms of daycare. I am not a proponent of daycare.
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That is a bright line that I would draw to say daycare is not
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a good thing. They've actually done studies
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that show that the cortisol levels of children who are in
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daycare are higher than the levels of children who have a
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secure attachment in the home with a caretaker.
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And again, this could be the mother and then a grandmother
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mother or a sitter that's really close to them, but it's a
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different arrangement. They're not taken to a different
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household altogether. You know, this daycare, this
11:33
institution with other children, they're not getting the quality
11:35
of care. And they've also found that
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children in daycare get sick more often.
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So I think that there are actual studies done that show that
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children do not fare as well in daycare.
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And I think there's a reason for that.
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Children need the routine and the rhythms of, I think, their
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own home, and they need their primary caretaker.
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They need lots of time from their mother, time and
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attention. And they, if you have another
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caretaker, they need to be able to build a secure bond with this
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kind of other aloe parent, this other caretaker within the same
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rhythms and routines that the mother has already established
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for continuity and for this feeling of security of the
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child. So that would be my my case that
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I would make is avoid daycare at all costs.
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I don't think that's a a good route.
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Obviously there's some extreme circumstances where that might
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be necessary, and I think God will meet you through that and
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work through that with you, but I would.
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Try to seek keeping that young child in the home.
12:26
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13:38
My next point is there is no such thing as a non working stay
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at home mom. I think this is a very important
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principle because I already don't like the language that our
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culture uses this idea of working mother versus non
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working mother. Every dedicated mother, every
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single one of us dedicated mothers by dedicated to mean you
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care and you're putting in the attention and the time that your
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household and your kids deserve. You are a working mother de
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facto. The amount of work it takes for
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a woman to raise and care for her young children and clothe
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and and and clean and care for the household and feed and also.
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Do all of the work to develop. Them, you know, intellectually
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and emotionally that is work. That is absolutely work.
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And I would argue, and I think many people have this as a lived
14:21
experience that your work that you put into your very young
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children, especially if you have multiples of them, that is more
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intense work. It's more difficult work than
14:32
most office jobs, than most day jobs.
14:35
Listen. And I, you know, I feel like I,
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I can answer this confidently myself as a woman, as a mother,
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my own experience and the experience of friends that the
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work, the time, attention, quite frankly, it requires all of you
14:48
emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually to care
14:51
for those little ones. And they deserve you, right?
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But your day job, it can be much easier.
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It's like an intellectual exercise, whatever it might be,
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it doesn't involve all of you the way that motherhood or even
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fatherhood in some cases, can. Any mother who is engaged with
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her kids is working really, really hard.
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OK. Similarly, fathers work hard
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too. I'm not saying they don't work
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hard, but mothers are certainly working really, really hard.
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So we're starting from that principle because I already want
15:13
to deflect this misunderstanding that if you are, you know, at
15:17
home raising five kids and your husband's going to work, then
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somehow you're not working and he is like, he has the job and
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you don't. No, no, no, you both have jobs.
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All right. The next principle is this.
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We must look at the history. This is essential.
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Know where you came from to know where you're going.
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I think this is so key for any society, for any culture, for
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any group of people. And I would argue that most
15:40
people today when they debate this issue about traditional mom
15:44
versus working mom versus stay at home mom versus, you know,
15:48
daycare nanny da da da da husband's in the corporate
15:51
world, like the the guy being the provider and the woman being
15:54
the nurturer. They lack some key information
15:58
about our own history of how traditionally these setups were
16:03
done. Because I think there is this
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stereotype today that is basically this husband goes to
16:11
work, kisses his wife in the morning, takes his briefcase,
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walks off, comes back home for dinner.
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Mother is around the house doing householdish things and the
16:20
kids. And then that is the traditional
16:22
nuclear family unit that we should aspire to.
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Guess what? The only time in history when
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that has happened really started in the 1940s.
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OK, Before the 1940s, there was no such thing as this husband
16:36
who leaves at 8:00 AM with a briefcase and comes back at 5:00
16:39
PM. That is a consequence of
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technological and industrial changes that happened because of
16:45
technology, especially in the Western world.
16:48
But you go back before 1940 and that's not how it went down.
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This is how it typically went down.
16:54
Before 1940, in most societies there was something called the
16:57
household Economic project, and usually there were these
17:00
agrarian societies or these small towns and communities
17:03
where certain households had certain specialized kinds of
17:06
Labor, if not farming, where they maybe the blacksmith,
17:09
right? Maybe they were the Shoemaker,
17:10
whatever, right? And they would form these small
17:12
societies, these small towns, and guess what?
17:15
The husband would not grab a briefcase at 8:00 AM in the
17:17
morning and watch, walk off and go to, you know, the high rise
17:21
down the street. No, there weren't even high
17:23
rises. There weren't like offices and
17:24
cubicles where men spent their, you know, 8910 plus hours of
17:28
lonely existence. It's typing away at computers.
17:31
Computers didn't exist. High rise didn't exist.
17:33
Cubicles didn't exist. It didn't exist.
17:35
This idea that you leave your home to go somewhere else to go
17:38
sit in a box with a bunch of other people in boxes, that is a
17:41
very modern construct that is not traditional, my friends.
17:44
It's not. So what?
17:46
What happened back in the day? Well, back in the day, one of
17:48
the most typical things that would happen is you would have
17:50
your household economic project. Our household, we're an agrarian
17:53
household. You know, we make clothes.
17:55
Maybe you do a mix of those things.
17:56
You know, we are the blacksmith in town.
17:58
And guess what? The husband would not leave the
18:00
house and walk off and then come back 10 hours later.
18:03
No, the husband would work from home.
18:06
He would work from home. And guess what else?
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The wife would also work from home.
18:12
And guess what else they would often, they'd often work
18:14
together. And guess what else?
18:15
The kids would often work with them.
18:18
And the amount of time they spent separate was much less
18:21
than the amount of time they spent together.
18:24
And you might say, well, there were gender roles where the
18:26
woman would do the cleaning or she'd do the cooking and the man
18:30
would go, you know, hunting maybe sometimes.
18:33
But there certainly are a lot of food prep responsibilities that
18:36
the man would have, like slaughtering and maybe skinning
18:39
the animals, like picking the produce and, you know,
18:43
harvesting the wheat. So it's not like food prep was
18:45
some exclusively female activity.
18:47
And, you know, just the men would be doing the like, war
18:49
and, I don't know, tough stuff. I don't know.
18:52
No, they were sharing in these household activities.
18:56
And yes, if it required special strength, maybe the man would do
18:58
it. But the women were pretty tough
19:00
too, and pretty strong. I mean, as an example, turning
19:02
butter is not an easy task. I've not done it myself, but my
19:04
understanding is it requires a lot of muscle and grit to turn
19:07
that butter physically without a machine.
19:10
So there was a lot of physical labor and some intellectual
19:13
labor for the whole family. So the modern idea of man is
19:18
provider, woman is a stay at home mom.
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That's a modern idea. That is not a traditional idea
19:24
my friends. And I think this is such a
19:26
crucial point because we get so caught up in conservative
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circles about, oh, you know, this these women who want to
19:35
work, these these crazy women who want to go work.
19:37
And these, these men who aren't working, you know, in the
19:40
traditional role of going out and getting all this money,
19:42
making all this money. I have to say something else
19:45
about money. The way that we see money today
19:48
is very modern. 102 hundred years ago, yes, money was
19:52
important, but it wasn't like you were just trading time for
19:55
money and then you just had this money and you bought everything
19:57
and then you threw a bunch of stuff away in the process,
19:58
right? Just a few 100 years ago, a lot
20:02
of money, part of money, was also bartering.
20:04
It was also trading goods and services between communities and
20:08
between, you know, the small groups.
20:12
And then in addition, money wasn't seen as like, I'm going
20:14
to go trade 10 hours of my time in a corporate office for like,
20:17
you know, 1000 bucks today or whatever how amount of money it
20:19
is today. And then I'm going to go buy my
20:21
stuff. You were actually actively
20:23
working on the things that you needed for your household in
20:25
that given day. So you weren't just trading
20:28
intellectual time at a computer for money like we do today.
20:30
You were actually trading work and, and, and actually creating
20:35
goods yourself that you would then use or your community would
20:37
then use. So our view of money today is so
20:41
separated from the goods that the money actually can purchase.
20:44
We don't know where our food comes from today.
20:46
We don't know where our clothes comes from usually today.
20:49
We have no idea how to make clothes or food today.
20:51
You know, typically when something goes wrong or broken
20:53
in our house, we're often hiring handymen or having to look up
20:56
how to do it. There's not sort of passed on
20:58
knowledge about how to manage basic things in our home.
21:00
That is all modern construct guys.
21:03
It's all modern construct. So when you get to this
21:07
question, then now that I've given these principles of
21:09
there's no such thing as a not working mom and that this idea
21:16
of man provider mom stays at home is very modern, It's very
21:20
recent. And quite frankly, I would argue
21:23
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21:26
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today. What do I mean by it can be
22:37
destructive? It is not natural.
22:40
I don't think it's healthy for most men to leave and go sit in
22:45
a cubicle for 10 hours. I don't think that's healthy.
22:48
Physically. It's not healthy.
22:50
You see really high drug use and even suicide and mental health
22:54
issue rates in professions like law because the men are
22:58
literally sitting and women too, but men are literally sitting in
23:00
these cubicles for hours on end, just completely sedentary, just
23:03
like they're a brain plugged into a computer, as an example,
23:06
right? Or bankers, similar, very high
23:10
depression rates and suicidality rates among, you know, high
23:14
intense finance careers. Because often this is not not
23:17
involving the whole man in his whole body, It's involving just
23:19
his big brain, right? And this is very competitive
23:22
brain work that he's doing. I'm not saying that purely
23:24
intellectual work means you're going to have, you know, mental
23:26
health issues, but I'm saying that people are more than
23:29
brains. We're bodies too.
23:31
And men especially, they have testosterone, they have drive,
23:34
they have physicality. They need to have an outlet for
23:36
that. And if they're doing a desk job,
23:38
a cubicle job for all day long, that can get really hard for
23:41
them. There's an unnaturalness there.
23:44
So I don't have all the solutions for that in this
23:45
podcast episode. I'd be like, this is the
23:47
solution to our modern economy and how screwed up it is.
23:49
But I think we should acknowledge that it's not the
23:52
healthiest thing for a man to leave his house, leave his
23:54
family, leave his like the healthy food that they might
23:57
make in the home and go out to an office, a cubicle for 10
24:00
hours. And certainly I would say that
24:02
argue the same thing is not healthy for a woman to do and
24:05
certainly would argue it's absolutely not healthy for a
24:07
woman of young mother of young children to do so.
24:09
I'm going to get into that. I also think it's it it frays
24:14
the edges of a strong family culture when you're head of the
24:18
household, the man is gone for 50 plus hours a week from the
24:22
home and when he's back it's like the kids are getting ready
24:25
for bed. Practically.
24:27
There's a lot of missed opportunities for family
24:29
culture. I'm not saying it's impossible
24:31
to have a strong family culture. I'm not saying you can't make up
24:33
for it, but it's hard. It's hard to have a strong
24:36
family culture when you have a man doing something totally
24:40
independent from the family, doesn't involve the kids,
24:41
certainly isn't a project with the wife.
24:43
It's some serving some corporate overlord in an office thirty,
24:46
40-50 minutes away. That does take a toll on family
24:51
time and family culture. Let's be real, and anybody
24:54
listening to me I know would admit this.
24:56
If you have that day job that requires you to work 40506070
24:59
hours a week, you're going into in a corporate office, you have
25:02
to commute. In addition to that, you know,
25:04
it's hard. You know, it's tough to take
25:06
care of yourself and be present to your family and have the
25:08
strong family culture. Now you're, you're maybe making
25:10
it work still by the grace of God.
25:12
Not saying it's not possible to make it work, but it is not
25:15
natural. It is not natural the lifestyle
25:17
you're living in terms of what is the natural needs of the
25:20
human body and the human person. And it's certainly not
25:22
traditional. It's not something that the
25:24
human race has done for hundreds and thousands of years.
25:27
No, it is a completely modern invention.
25:30
So I'm sorry that you're going through this.
25:32
And, you know, even in my own family and close friends, you
25:35
know, many of us have these day jobs, you know, go into an
25:38
office, you have this lifestyle and it can be really tough.
25:42
And it is not, it is not something that makes it
25:45
impossible to have a strong family.
25:47
But it's hard. It's really, really hard.
25:51
All right, So what is the solution you might be asking?
25:53
OK, what are you saying? Lila Rose, you're on your high
25:57
horse spontificating about how you know it's not natural that
26:00
it does. So now what?
26:01
Now what are we doing? Well, I think it's really
26:04
important and this is my next point, that we look at the ever
26:10
changing economy and both men and women develop skills that
26:14
can serve both the household and make a difference economically.
26:20
And what I mean by this is I do not buy the kind of conservative
26:24
trad wife talking right life of like, well, I'm not going to
26:26
make any money. That's what men do.
26:27
Women don't make money. That is nonsense.
26:30
My friends. I want to read you somebody
26:33
about somebody named the Proverbs 31 woman.
26:36
The Proverbs 31 woman is is exalted as the best among women
26:40
in the world in Proverbs 31. And it's basically the Queen
26:44
Mother is talking to her son, King Lemuel, about the kind of
26:48
worthy woman that he should be with.
26:50
So this is the sayings of King Lemuel inspired by his mother.
26:54
OK. So this is like in Jewish
26:56
tradition, the the Queen Mother is passing on teachings to her
27:00
King's son to say this is the way that things should be.
27:03
This is like a healthy, you know, life.
27:05
This is how you should honor God.
27:07
And this is the kind of woman that is the good kind of woman.
27:11
Let's listen to who this woman is, OK?
27:13
Owed to a capable wife. Notice that the qualifier for
27:17
her, the adjective for the wife, is the word capable.
27:20
It's not the wife that sits at home and is just, you know, not
27:24
active or engaged in the economic or the practical
27:27
affairs of the family. She's very capable.
27:29
So as a capable wife who can find she is far more precious
27:32
than jewels, the heart of her husband trusts in her.
27:36
I love it. So beautiful.
27:37
And he will have no lack of gain.
27:39
She does him good and not harm. All the days of her life.
27:42
She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands.
27:46
She is like the ships of the merchant.
27:47
She brings her food from far away.
27:50
OK, so she's going collecting food.
27:51
It's not just your average grocery shopping back then
27:53
either. She rises while it is still
27:56
night and provides food for her household and tasks for her
27:59
servant girls. So now we're like to think in
28:02
household economy here. She's got servants, she's got
28:05
other people working in the home with her, and she's making sure
28:09
that there's food for the household.
28:10
She's industrious. She's actually going out and
28:13
shopping for the household and doing trade with the local
28:17
merchants. She considers a field and buys
28:20
it with the fruit of her hands. She plants a vineyard.
28:24
OK, now she's hardcore doing business transactions.
28:27
She's literally going out and expanding the family estate.
28:30
She is adding revenue drivers for the family estate.
28:33
She's actually like weighing, is this a good investment?
28:36
OK, it is. I'm going to buy this field.
28:37
I'm going to now produce wine and have a vineyard here, and
28:40
this is going to be another source of income for the family.
28:43
In addition to providing wine for the household.
28:45
She girds herself with strength and makes her arm strong.
28:48
She's not a, what do they call it, a lilting Lily, wilting
28:51
Lily. She's not one of those.
28:54
She's tough. She perceives that our
28:56
merchandise is profitable. She's a businesswoman, hardcore.
29:01
Her lamp does not go out at night.
29:02
She's hard working. She's like not a workaholic, but
29:04
she's working really hard. She puts her hands to the
29:07
distaff and her hands hold the spindle.
29:08
So this has to do with creating clothing.
29:10
So this is another aspect of the kind of merchandise she might be
29:15
creating for both her household and to sell.
29:17
She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the
29:19
needy. She's very in tune with the
29:21
needs of her community to help those that have less than she
29:24
has. She's not afraid for her
29:26
household when it snows for all her household is closed in
29:29
Crimson. She makes sure everyone has what
29:30
they need. Her husband is known in the city
29:33
gates, taking his seat among the elders of the land.
29:36
I thought that was so fascinating, this line in
29:38
Proverbs 3123. Her husband is known in the city
29:41
gates, taking his seat among the elders of the land.
29:44
She's heavily engaged with the management and the economic
29:48
output and economic concerns of the household.
29:52
That's what she's doing. It's kind of like she's
29:53
providing effectively what he's doing is he's known in the city
29:58
gates as an elder. So it's like in this dynamic,
30:02
she is the breadwinner, you can argue, and he is the political
30:05
leader of the household and the community.
30:08
Now, that also probably has to do with potential warfare to
30:11
protect the, you know, to protect the community from
30:14
invaders. But he's out there doing
30:17
politics and she's out there doing commerce.
30:21
It's a very interesting dynamic that they have.
30:24
It goes on. She makes linen garments,
30:26
garments and sells them. She supplies the merchant with
30:28
sashes. Strength and dignity are her
30:31
clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
30:32
I love that. It's so great.
30:34
She opens her mouth with wisdom. She's a wise lady.
30:37
She's kind. The teaching of kindness is on
30:39
her tongue. She looks well to the ways of
30:41
her household. She doesn't eat the bread of
30:43
idleness. Her children rise up and call
30:45
her happy, Her husband too, and he praises her.
30:48
Many women have done excellently, but you surpass
30:51
them all. Charm is deceitful, beauty is in
30:53
vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
30:56
Give her a sheer in the fruit of her hands, and let her works
31:00
praise her in the city gates. So she is well known, well loved
31:03
and well praised by all who know her, her children, her husband
31:07
and her entire city because she is this economic and really
31:11
moral force for good wherever she goes.
31:14
This is the ideal woman according to Scripture.
31:17
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Now, you might be listening to this and say, well, yeah, of
32:28
course. Like, you know, the stay at home
32:30
mom should grocery shop and make the food and help out the
32:33
neighbors who are poorer than her and like, do the soup
32:35
kitchen. Like that's all like womanly
32:37
stuff, but working. Working is not womanly, and I
32:40
would argue that is completely incorrect.
32:42
Work is absolutely womanly. This woman was working really
32:45
hard up and down all different ways, and that is spoken about
32:49
multiple times. She's basically industrious,
32:51
she's capable, and it's really just our modern concept of work.
32:54
Again, going to this cubicle for 10 hours that is really, I
32:57
think, frayed our entire understanding of what the male
33:00
female roles are in the household.
33:02
My argument would be that the most fundamental male female
33:04
role in the household is not about the man goes off and makes
33:08
money and the woman doesn't and she just does household stuff.
33:11
It actually has to do with yes, a dynamic between them where he
33:15
is more of a protector and she is more of a yes in many ways.
33:18
She is providing, she's nourishing.
33:20
So he's kind of this, this strength figure in the home,
33:22
right? And he is the head of the
33:24
household. He's the tiebreaker if a
33:25
decision needs to be made that they can't agree on, which
33:27
should be very rare. But really it has to do with, I
33:30
think, child rearing, quite frankly.
33:33
Like, only women can have babies.
33:34
Only women can nurse babies. I know I've had a few myself.
33:38
And that is something men can't do.
33:41
And so any economic system or household system has to make a,
33:44
a system for that mother who's having babies.
33:47
Because when you're in the middle of having a baby, you
33:48
can't really like, go out to the to the field and start, you
33:51
know, pulling cabbages. Or whatever it is, and you
33:55
certainly shouldn't be going into a cubicle.
33:57
I don't like cubicles, period, by the way.
33:59
I'm not a cubicle person. But yeah.
34:02
So I think our economic system doesn't take into account the
34:06
natural human person and how we're made right now.
34:10
And then in addition, it particularly doesn't understand
34:12
the natural dynamic of a young mother and her need to be
34:16
flexible and be there for her kids.
34:17
And so if she has work to do in addition to caring for her
34:22
children, this could be household management work, this
34:25
could be entrepreneurial work. This could be, you know, a
34:28
product that she's doing, media work that she's doing, you know,
34:31
customer service work that she's doing, you know, remotely,
34:33
whatever it is that that work has to make space to prioritize
34:38
the babies. And that can be sometimes
34:41
difficult to do. Sometimes it is possible to do,
34:43
but it can be a really challenge in today's economy and the way
34:46
that our economy is structured. And So what is the ultimate
34:50
solution here and what how should we be thinking about
34:54
this, especially for women, especially for women who want to
34:56
have children. And this is what I would
34:58
strongly recommend. I would strongly recommend that
35:01
you develop skills and knowledge and expertise so that you can
35:05
use your your natural gifts and you can help provide for the
35:09
economic well-being of your household Will still being able
35:12
to be a present mother. And this means that you have a
35:16
job or you have work that is inherently flexible that could
35:20
be done from home, that you're not trading time for money
35:23
unless it's like you're getting an incredible amount of money
35:25
for that hour of work and it like covers your bills, right?
35:28
Ideally you're able to create work products or services or
35:31
goods that you can do on your own time, you know when you have
35:34
the time that have potential economic value that you can then
35:38
trade or then you can then get money for to support your
35:41
household. All right, so.
35:42
You might be wondering, OK, I like this idea of being able to
35:46
be home with my children and not have to commute to an office and
35:49
have a flexible job. But Lila, that's hard to find.
35:52
How am I going to find that? And here are some tips for
35:55
seeking out the right kind of professions or career paths that
35:59
are going to be very flexible for you as a potential stay at
36:03
home working mom. So here's some of these.
36:06
These are from Forbes high paying in demand jobs for 2025
36:09
revealed in a new study. This is what Forbes has to say
36:12
about the matter. The first one on here is
36:14
software developer. It says projected annual job
36:17
openings, 125,130 K average salary and it says bachelor's
36:23
degree related training needed. As an example, I have a friend
36:26
who is a mother of four children who homeschools, who is also
36:30
helping bring an income by doing data journalism at home.
36:34
So she works several hours a week doing data journalism.
36:37
It's a form of software developing effectively from
36:40
home. It's very high paying and she's
36:42
able to do that in addition to homeschooling and managing her
36:45
household. So that's just an example of how
36:47
you can contribute to the family household.
36:49
If you're more maybe more data-driven, maybe you're more
36:52
into the technical side of software development, you enjoy
36:55
that. That might be a really good
36:57
thing to look into. Here's another one.
36:59
Another one would be nurse practitioner.
37:00
Now this can make again 6 figures.
37:03
It says that there is job growth here.
37:05
Annual job openings are in the 10s of thousands.
37:08
Now, this one can be a little bit tricky, of course, because
37:10
this is something that you have to leave the home, you have to
37:13
go typically and into an office to do this.
37:16
But depending on your arrangement, depending on if you
37:18
have people that can help you with your children, maybe one
37:21
day a week or you do one shift every two weeks, this could be a
37:24
meaningful way to bring in income.
37:26
Well, you're not again, away in an office every day, all day
37:29
during the week. Here's another one, general and
37:32
operations manager. So this is something that can
37:34
make actually, again, 6 figures. This can require typically a
37:38
degree that is a higher education degree, a bachelor's
37:41
degree. But the benefit of something
37:42
like this, again, you can do something like this typically
37:45
from home if you're involved in helping doing manage or
37:47
operations or administrative work.
37:49
And again, this can often be a stay at home job.
37:52
Here's another one, business operations specialist, Again,
37:55
someone involved in administration, especially if
37:57
you're wired that way, or kind of Type A, something like that
37:59
could be a great side gig. A few more I'm going to throw
38:02
out here are human resource specialist.
38:04
This is somebody that is helping, yeah, with paperwork,
38:07
helping manage, you know, in the internal systems of human
38:09
resources. Again, there are often jobs you
38:12
can find that are pretty flexible that you can again,
38:15
work from home. I'm a big fan of media type jobs
38:19
of writing that gig economy of doing social media influencing
38:23
and content creation because this is something that you can
38:25
absolutely do from home. You can absolutely do it on a
38:28
flexible schedule and it can also make some great money to
38:31
help support your family. A few other things I'm going to
38:34
throw out here who Forbes has on here.
38:35
Heavy and tractor trailer truck driver.
38:38
Would not recommend that one for you guys who want to be present
38:41
mothers. We'll skip that one.
38:42
Also, it's saying the pay is 54,000, which is not necessarily
38:46
a great wage for a full time job driving a truck around the
38:49
world. Let's move on.
38:51
Again, no dig to truck drivers. I'm sure there's there could be
38:53
a career path there for some people, but I would not
38:56
recommend that for the moms. Here's another one, accountant
38:59
and auditor. I know several women actually
39:02
who have a side gig where they are accountants for small
39:05
boutique businesses, many of which are run by their friends.
39:07
And that's something that, again, they can do for maybe 10,
39:11
even 20 hours a week. They don't have to do it full
39:13
time. It makes good money.
39:15
They can do it from home. They can do it anywhere.
39:17
And it's something that they enjoy.
39:19
And it also helps contribute to the household and also, so when
39:22
it comes to the gig economy, being a contractor, some of
39:26
these sorts of gigs that women working mothers can have from
39:29
home, again, that are flexible arrangements.
39:31
There are tax advantages. I'm not a tax attorney.
39:33
I'm not giving you tax advice, but that's something to look
39:36
into. Examples of tax advantages can
39:38
include, you know, being able to write off a Home Office, being
39:41
able to write off certain business expenses associated
39:44
with your work so that you are able to get that you know less
39:47
of a tax burden when you when April 15th rolls around.
39:50
So I would say whatever you're getting into right now, whether
39:53
you're, you know, a single woman or maybe you don't have kids
39:56
yet, you're but you're married. I think about your career
39:58
trajectory, about how can I do this career in a way that
40:01
doesn't require me to be sitting in an office for 8 hours a day
40:05
and in a way where I can still contribute to the household, but
40:08
be with my kids during much of their waking hours.
40:11
And it is possible to create these gigs.
40:13
It's not easy. But as the economy continues to
40:16
change and the gig economy continues to grow, independent
40:19
contractors, even like the influencer economy, there are
40:22
more opportunities now to have jobs where you don't have to go
40:25
into that cubicle for 8910 hours a day.
40:28
So that's what I would recommend.
40:30
Now do I say, well, you have to have a career like women need
40:34
careers. No, women don't need careers per
40:37
SE. But I absolutely think that
40:39
women need to develop skills, skills to serve their household
40:43
and skills that, yes, can be economically profitable skills.
40:47
I think any woman needs to develop skills.
40:50
And this isn't because we don't want men to be primary, you
40:53
know, economic providers necessarily, especially when the
40:55
children are really young. But it's because you're not just
40:58
going to sit on your butt and not do anything while the guy
41:00
works hard and you're like, just bring me home the bacon.
41:03
No, I mean, you might have, you might decide on an agreement
41:06
where, yes, he just brings home the bacon and you just cook the
41:09
bacon. And I don't think that's
41:10
necessarily the wrong setup. That could be the right setup
41:13
for you and your skill sets and your guys interests and
41:15
everything else. But I don't think that's
41:17
innately more virtuous or that's innately better.
41:21
I think what's innately the most virtuous is a system where you
41:24
are able to be present to and be with your kids for most of their
41:27
waking hours to be able to raise them.
41:29
But that doesn't preclude having a career or having a lot of
41:32
significant work that you're doing.
41:33
And this is where I know I fall into some controversy here
41:38
because there's certainly some people in the very trad, you
41:40
know, trad wife type patriarchy world that says if you're a
41:44
woman and you're working, you're out of line, you're out of line.
41:47
And there's zero biblical basis for that.
41:49
And there's certainly not traditional basis for that
41:51
either. I'm so sorry there isn't.
41:53
Prove me wrong. I'm happy to debate you on this
41:56
anytime. Prove me wrong.
41:57
Because the history just isn't there, guys.
41:59
And this and, and, and Holy Scripture is just not there.
42:01
It doesn't back up what your claims are.
42:03
So don't lose hope. There's absolutely opportunities
42:05
out there in the new gig economy where you can find flexible job
42:10
or occupation, where you can work from home.
42:13
It is more limited hours and it also can contribute to the
42:16
family economically. There are a lot of ways to do
42:19
this. There's a lot of different
42:19
arrangements. So I'm not giving this creating
42:21
this video to judge one arrangement over another.
42:24
I'm trying to say actually there's a lot of flexibility and
42:26
and fluidity based on where you feel God is calling you.
42:29
What you decide with your husband based on your talents,
42:31
based on your interests, your desires, fires.
42:33
Just as an example, my sister and I are both very devoted
42:37
wives and mothers. We are very happy in our being
42:39
wives and mothers. We have amazing husbands and we
42:42
have very different paths. We're very deeply connected.
42:45
Obviously, we're we're very close, very good friends.
42:48
But my sister has decided that she wants to homeschool her
42:51
kids. She wants to live in a area that
42:53
is more rural, that is more, you know, focused on, you know, that
42:57
big outdoors. She's actually out in Idaho and
43:01
her husband works from home and he wants a job that is not going
43:05
to require, you know, many hours a week.
43:07
He likes a lot of flexibility with his job so that he can
43:09
spend more time with his family, do outdoors activities.
43:11
So anyways, they've structured their life so that the cost of
43:14
their living is extremely low compared to your average
43:16
American because of where they live and how they live.
43:19
And she's not working intentionally.
43:21
She's doing kind of household work in terms of she does
43:24
actually sell some goods and does trades with neighbors and
43:27
things like that. But she loves working with her
43:29
hands. She loves baking.
43:30
She loves creating, you know, clothing.
43:32
She's really amazing at that. She's homeschooling.
43:34
She's very hands on. So this is her choice.
43:36
This is how they've set up their lives.
43:38
And then there's me, right? I am not some dressmaker the way
43:42
my sister is. You know, I could not make a
43:43
dress the way my sister Katarina can.
43:45
She's amazing at literally making dresses.
43:47
I don't make dresses. I do, as you guys know, media,
43:50
creative work. I lead organizations and I do it
43:53
in a very flexible schedule where I'm able to still in the
43:55
mornings, take my kids to the park in late afternoons.
43:58
I'm with my children, yes, I'm away from them to do the work
44:01
that I'm responsible for, but I've built a system with my
44:04
husband that I think is best for our family.
44:07
And it looks very different. We live in California.
44:09
The cost of living is totally different.
44:11
It's a very different life in many ways, but the value, use,
44:14
many of the values, and the principles are the same.
44:16
Both of these, I think, are Christian models.
44:19
Both of them are ways to live and not one is worse or better
44:23
than the other. I have huge admiration for my
44:25
sister and how she's doing it. Again, it depends on how you
44:27
feel called, the talents that you have, what you think your
44:30
family is meant to do, and the decision that you make with your
44:34
husband's leadership as a family.
44:36
I want to share something personal here as we wrap this
44:38
up. So I have.
44:40
Worked really hard on developing the organizations that I've
44:43
built to be very family friendly and to be very adaptable for
44:48
working moms. Now like I said earlier, I'm not
44:51
saying that every mom needs to go get a job.
44:54
This is again not the point of this video.
44:56
I think that's very clear. But what I think is very
44:59
important is for women that feel called to be using their talents
45:01
to support their household economically.
45:04
And it's something that they're again under the hedge above
45:06
their husband and they're using some of their gifts and they're
45:08
also, so you know, working, but they're doing it in a way that's
45:11
very child friendly. I think that those jobs do
45:13
exist. And I think it's wise for
45:16
employers when it makes sense for the business, obviously, to
45:21
make those accommodations for working moms.
45:24
And so Live Action is a very working mom friendly
45:27
organization. That's the pro-life organization
45:28
that I founded years back. We are now one of the leading
45:31
pro-life organizations in the world.
45:33
We have a staff of almost 50 people and of those 50 people
45:37
right now, about 10 of them for women who are either pregnant
45:41
and about to deliver or who have recently delivered and are
45:43
mature on maternity leave or are working now with very young
45:47
children. And the way that we accommodate
45:49
them is, of course, we provide a generous maternity leave.
45:52
We provide work from home at Live Action.
45:54
We provide travel assistance that if you need to travel for
45:58
an important meeting or if you have to travel for a conference
46:01
or something, then we actually let you bring along.
46:03
If your husband can join you, great.
46:05
Or a a. Babysitter, a mother's helper to
46:07
come and have you come with with your child so you're not leaving
46:10
your little one at home away from you so you're able to be
46:13
with your little one. And we allow babies in meetings.
46:16
We have a lot of babies show up at meetings at Live action.
46:18
We have a lot of little kids that are around the live action
46:22
work economy. And I think that that's great.
46:24
Now, this doesn't mean that mom is like ignoring her children
46:27
all day. Again, we have a lot of part
46:29
time moms at Live action. We have a lot of contract moms
46:31
at Live Action and we have a lot of flexible arrangements at Live
46:34
Action, but we got a lot of amazing work done and we have a
46:38
lot of, I think happy mothers who are finding that way to use
46:42
their gifts, contribute to the family, make a difference in
46:44
saving lives that live action of against abortion while at the
46:47
same time being there for their babies.
46:50
It is possible. It takes some work, but that's
46:53
what I would encourage other employers to provide if it makes
46:56
sense, of course, for their businesses.
46:58
I understand some kinds of businesses like the military as
47:00
an institution or you're a truck driver or something.
47:03
No, it's not mom friendly. So I'm not trying to make, you
47:06
know, the truck drivers of America, you know, provide play
47:09
pens in the back of the truck or something crazy like that's not
47:12
what I'm saying. But for a lot of jobs it is
47:14
possible and I would encourage employers to do it.
47:17
So I hope this episode was at minimum enlightening, gives you
47:21
something to think about, and I also hope encouraging because I
47:24
think sometimes we try to fit ourselves into these very
47:26
stereotypical traditional boxes because maybe we're lean
47:29
conservative, we have these kind of biblical values, and so we
47:32
want to do the right thing. But I'm encouraging you by this
47:35
by saying this, yes, as a woman, you want to be there for your
47:38
kids. You know, my kind of working
47:40
standard personally is I want to be with my kids more than anyone
47:43
else. So if I have household help,
47:45
which I do, I don't want my amazing babysitter to be
47:49
spending more time with my kids than I right?
47:52
So there's sort of standards that I have like that.
47:54
And then I'm going to put my work, the work that I feel
47:57
called to do, the work that's contributing economically to her
47:59
household. I'm going to put it around in
48:01
service of the children, in service of our household.
48:05
And everything that I'm doing, I'm going to do it as a team
48:07
with my husband. And my husband is the head.
48:09
So I want him to bless what I'm doing.
48:11
I want him to be on board. If he's not on board, that's a
48:12
problem. And I need to either change what
48:14
I'm doing or he and I need to have a lot of conversations so
48:16
that maybe there's a misunderstanding that needs to
48:18
be clarified. So I think that's a fundamental
48:20
principle. You want to be on board.
48:22
You don't want to be like going on different route entirely from
48:24
your husband. You want to be on board and you
48:25
want to be under his leadership ultimately.
48:28
But if you're, you know, with a man, a Goodman and he listens to
48:31
this podcast episode, he does the research, he reads the Holy
48:34
Scripture, he looks at tradition, he will understand,
48:36
yes, it's not about this rigid woman stays at home and doesn't
48:39
do anything outside of the home and the man goes off and provide
48:42
that is not a biblical or traditional worldview.
48:45
So be encouraged, develop your expertise.
48:48
Know that life is work regardless of what you do.
48:51
We are called to work. We're called to procreate with
48:53
God, be faithful and multiply and Lord over creation and
48:56
cultivate creation. That's the call to both Adam and
48:58
Eve. It's not just a call to Adam.
48:59
It's a call to Adam and Eve. So you have a big job as a
49:03
Christian or just as a human being to work hard, develop the
49:06
talents you have, develop the skills that you have, contribute
49:10
to your community. If you have a family, obviously
49:12
seek to contribute to your family.
49:14
If your economic contributions are totally covered by your
49:16
husband, keep your skills sharp and focus on cultivating the
49:20
money that he's making well, for the sake of the household, the
49:22
sake of the kids in the community.
49:24
And then make sure that your time with your kids is paramount
49:27
because kids don't just need quality time, they need quantity
49:29
time. So make sure that you're
49:30
spending that time with your kids, building those systems and
49:33
routines with your kids so that they are the healthiest that
49:35
they can be. I hope you guys were encouraged
49:38
and let me know if you want me to create more content like this
49:40
and also let me know your thoughts.
49:41
You can always e-mail me at lila@gtbmedia.com and also drop
49:45
a comment. Let me know what you guys think
49:47
and I'll see you guys next time. A huge thank you to our partner.
49:50
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