Latest / Spinning the Light Podcast / Know Your Self Worth

Transcript

Know Your Self Worth · Spinning the Light Podcast

0:06
Hello and welcome to two girls in a pod.
0:08
I'm Sharon, I'm Christy. Oh it is so good to be back.
0:12
It feels like it's been a hot minute.
0:14
Yeah well it kind of has we had to that we push together two
0:19
episodes that were back-to-back but then ended up skipping the
0:23
week before. So hopefully we're back on track
0:26
now. I think we are and you know,
0:28
some really exciting news For us as well, be having in the month
0:32
of April will be having three interviews, which we are super,
0:36
super excited about. And I think the the people who
0:40
listen to us are going to be just as excited as we are.
0:43
Yeah, I know. We're super excited.
0:45
I know and what I really like about it is it's some very
0:48
different interviews set up with different people with different
0:52
backgrounds and stuff like that and just really how we talk
0:56
about their Journey that's going on.
0:59
So we're excited. About that.
1:00
But that's in April. We are still in March, we're
1:04
still in March, so we're going to go on ahead and we talked
1:09
about what are some of the things we could or some of the
1:12
things that those topics that we talk about kind of like, on a
1:15
daily basis. And, you know, one of the things
1:17
we talked about is how does somebody determine their worth?
1:21
Yes. Knowing your self-worth is.
1:24
So I feel like such an important piece to being able to do that
1:30
stuff care that we talked about and it's in every Arena.
1:35
So we talk a lot about what we bring to relationships and what
1:40
we bring to our jobs and things like that.
1:43
And knowing that we have value helps us to I feel like set
1:48
boundaries. I think the problem that people
1:51
have though is what is my value? What is my worth?
1:56
Whether it's at a job or in a relationship, it doesn't Matter
2:00
where we're at, you know, whether you're playing sports,
2:03
what is my value and worse than that, you know, somebody is
2:05
negotiating a contract in sports or work or that.
2:09
How do I know how valuable I am? And I think that that's a real
2:13
struggle because I think so much of the time that when people in
2:17
this talk about work for a minute.
2:19
So people at work in an employer, goes to you and says,
2:22
well, your value is ten dollars an hour and you kind of sit with
2:27
that and you kind of give you go do your job.
2:29
And you realize that man, for ten dollars, I'm doing a whole
2:32
lot of work. Mmm, and then you'll sit there
2:34
and you'll say, I don't feel like that's enough.
2:38
You go to the employer. Well, that's what the wage is.
2:41
But then, you know, sometimes people go look at what other
2:44
people in the same position are being paid and you know, they're
2:46
getting paid 15. So it's like now you really know
2:49
your worth is not or whether they're putting your value at is
2:53
not where it's at. So then that causes all this
2:55
kind of unrest in you, in this dissension and just this yuck
2:59
feeling. It was this all there is and I
3:02
think you know, we talked about this Matt Exodus at happened,
3:05
you know, if people leaving jobs and doing stuff like that.
3:07
But I think the reason why is because people are starting to
3:10
look at what is my words in a company?
3:12
Hmm, I have a client who's been at his job and he's done some
3:17
really impressive things in that job.
3:19
We were talking about I feel like I'm doing more than or the
3:24
new hires get on at the same wage.
3:25
You are at right. You know, they're like well wait
3:29
a minute I've been Doing this for a year and because you raise
3:32
the rate of new hires you put my wage with new hires.
3:35
So now I'm still the equivalent of a new hire and that's messing
3:39
with people's heads as it should in some way.
3:43
Yeah, definitely. And so we've been working with
3:46
him on. He's got his date where he's
3:47
gonna go and he's going to ask for that raise and he's got all
3:50
these things documented of why he believes he deserves that
3:53
race because it is about his worst.
3:56
And I think that that's what it is.
3:57
A lot of the time, a lot of people They're fearful about
4:02
setting that kind of boundary or reaching out to their employer
4:05
and saying, hey, I don't feel like that I'm being valued, you
4:10
know, at the rate that I should be.
4:11
And and that so I know that there's a takes a lot of nerve
4:15
to reach out and do that. You have to conjure up some
4:18
confidence to make that happen. But I think that if you approach
4:22
it from the place of e, you know, that you're doing your
4:25
best, you can point out the value that you bring to the
4:29
company. Company.
4:30
Well, and I think the other thing that's really important
4:32
is, you know, we have this conversation with our friend
4:34
June and I will say that, I don't know if it's a struggle
4:38
with my words, but I always might think, is what can the
4:42
other person afford? My field is a little bit
4:45
different because I'm in a service industry.
4:48
I am really serving a population of people where you set your
4:52
rates and that yeah, yeah, I never get my rate just because
4:58
that's not how it works Within No, but yeah, so what people
5:02
don't understand is like say for instance, my wage at the way to
5:05
make it simple, say it's a hundred dollars because that's a
5:07
nice. Even number Insurance, may say,
5:09
all I'm going to commit to is $40 or $60 and they're all
5:14
different. No insurance.
5:15
Has the same rate. I signed a contract that says,
5:17
yes, I will accept that rate. So even though my Worth or my
5:22
rate is $100, I agree to whatever that is that's kind of
5:26
my way of my service to the clients.
5:29
That I see. And that's what the, the, how
5:31
the insurance sets that. I mean, they look at the
5:33
different fields and they say, hey, we will reimburse at this
5:37
rate and there are some people in my profession who will say, I
5:41
will go and I will fight for a higher rate.
5:43
Yes, sometimes the insurance is say, okay, you presented your
5:47
thing, whatever. And so good for them, I don't
5:50
have the time, I don't think. But once again even with that I
5:55
struggled with what should that wage be you know, then you go
5:59
look across I think what other people are charging and all of
6:02
that, so you kind of get a feel for it.
6:04
But I remember we were talking 22 June and she said people will
6:09
when, you know, your worth people will pay you for that
6:15
worth. Yeah, for that value.
6:17
Yeah. Because of what the service that
6:19
you're providing, they are getting something out of it and
6:23
they will see the value in that. And that's really important.
6:25
I think when you are in a position where that you set your
6:28
rates and things like that, Because we had a previous
6:31
episode with our guest Parisa and she talked about that, you
6:35
know, when she first started her business and having the hair
6:38
salon in that and setting her rates for a haircut in that and
6:43
what all went into her reasoning, why she made the
6:46
rates that she did. There's a lot of things that are
6:49
required, well, and even when she talked about her feeling
6:53
about that, when they first said that and she almost got
6:56
tongue-tied. Like, I don't know why am I
6:58
charging that amount? You know, and then she had to
7:01
remove herself and then think about it, the damage to my
7:04
hands, you know, I continue to do train these, I all of these
7:07
things, and then it made sense. And then it was like, okay, now
7:11
I have the answer. I don't know if she's ever had
7:12
any of those, but it's true. And I think a lot of times
7:16
people don't think about that in a profession.
7:18
Once, you know, they think, once you get the degree and you're in
7:21
your practice and that or whatever it is that you operate,
7:25
that, that's all there is to it, but a lot of times in order to
7:29
maintain Those licenses in that you have to go on, can get
7:33
continue training. It's good for you anyway.
7:35
I mean there's so many things changing in our society and that
7:38
and so just to keep up on the knowledge of those things in the
7:41
new things that people are dealing with.
7:44
And, you know, even just trending things, all of that.
7:47
And I think that's the thing that's really important.
7:49
Is to understand, you know, it's a partnership.
7:51
But also once again, it's like all of, I think a lot of
7:56
different thoughts start going through your head about, oh my
8:00
Can this person afford it can and then it's true.
8:02
If it's important to you, you're going to pay what it is.
8:06
Do you see what? I'm it's in anything and I think
8:08
that when you start realizing that for that person, if it's
8:12
important for them to go buy a hundred dollar purse or a
8:15
hundred dollar hoodie or whatever that is that's valuable
8:19
to them. So they will make it happen and
8:21
I had to get to a place where if your mental health is that
8:24
valuable to you, you'll do that. I don't have a lot of private
8:27
Pace but I do have some private pays.
8:29
Yeah. You know?
8:31
And so I think that's really that place where you come from
8:34
of, what is my worth, what is my value?
8:37
And you know, oftentimes you know what I'm talking to some?
8:40
I had a kiddo asked me one day. He goes Miss Sharon what do you
8:44
do to be you, I don't understand the question.
8:46
I said, he goes, you know, to do your job.
8:49
I said, oh I said well honey, you have to go to school, six
8:52
years because you have to get a bachelor's and a master's.
8:55
I said then you have to do two years was called postgraduate
8:58
and You can get a license with me goes.
9:02
That's an awful long time, it is.
9:06
But then after we get that license, you're right.
9:09
We have to do so many continuing education in between when we get
9:14
license to our next license date.
9:16
And so we have to do this continuous stuff and that's all
9:19
out of pocket for the person you know when you start putting that
9:23
and you start realizing that there's you're putting a lot
9:26
into this but it's a whole And shift and I have to do the whole
9:31
mind shift, right? You know, I really did, I'm
9:34
there like oh my God. No, I got to do this and I get
9:36
it. And so one of our ways of giving
9:39
back is, I do I usually have one to two pro Bono's a year that I
9:43
do right. And that's not a one-time
9:46
session and it goes back to that self talk that we talked about.
9:50
You really have to understand. You have to remember you're not
9:54
trying to take advantage of anyone.
9:55
You're trying to provide them with the best service.
9:59
Possible and to help them better themselves.
10:03
So I feel like, you know, when you consider yourself worth, you
10:07
have to understand, you're coming from a genuine place of
10:10
trying to help someone. Then you can know you're not out
10:13
to scam somebody. So it's not about just making
10:16
the money and ripping someone off.
10:19
That makes a huge difference. I think that when you can change
10:22
your perspective in that way, it changes so much about how you
10:25
even view finances and all of those things.
10:27
And I think that's from a perception.
10:29
Option of say, what I do or somebody owns their own business
10:32
or stuff like that. But when you're the actual
10:34
employee to, some of these people and some of these
10:37
corporations or whatever, it's kind of difficult, because I
10:41
always tell people a majority of people who have a business, they
10:47
are looking at the bottom line, which is the money, right?
10:51
And there are great employees out there.
10:53
Do not misunderstanding, they're great employees out there who
10:55
truly understand that what the value of that employee brings to
10:59
their thing and Will compensate them because they understand the
11:03
worth. Yes, exactly.
11:05
I always go back to the guy and I think it was Seattle.
11:08
Who made all of the wage 75,000, his, he cut his wage because he
11:14
understood the value of that and a Lobby of all man, he's gonna
11:18
lose money by abla know, the complete opposite.
11:21
His employees are happy. They feel like they have value
11:25
her sounds like that. Company is thriving.
11:27
Yes. And it wasn't very different
11:29
approach. But it looks like, you know,
11:31
it's been a good one. And once again, there are those
11:34
companies out there who truly understand the work and value of
11:37
their employees. So therefore because of that,
11:39
they compensate them, they help them to understand that.
11:42
Sometimes it's through money. Sometimes it's through other
11:44
things because, you know, there's a whole bunch of
11:46
different ways in which people feel that they're worth and
11:49
value, how they acknowledge that.
11:51
Yeah, it's for some it's you know not having to commute being
11:55
able to work from home. Some it's you know through
11:57
childcare there's Assistance programs and things like So
12:00
there are a lot of different ways that companies can pay it
12:02
forward into their employees other than monetary.
12:07
So there are things like that, that you can look at, but I know
12:09
it can be difficult when you are an employee and you're working
12:12
with a company that doesn't want to budge on raises, or things
12:16
like that. And sometimes you have to
12:18
approach those things tactfully, but you can do it and
12:23
understanding that sometimes some companies, it seems like
12:27
there's, you know, this thing to take advantage.
12:29
Especially when you have salaried workers a lot of times
12:33
or things like that, you find that those employees are having
12:36
to work more hours and not receiving the pay to match it.
12:41
So, I will hear that a lot in a, you know, in my work with my
12:45
clients, a lot of will say, I feel like I'm really working a
12:48
lot, I don't feel appreciated, I don't feel like I matter.
12:53
I don't feel like they see my work or my value to the company,
12:58
or it'll be. They'll tell me you're very
13:01
valuable to the company, but yet the words don't match with what
13:04
they're being paid sometimes or whether it's pay or PTO or for
13:09
everybody. It's different, right?
13:11
But then what happens is that person starts to feel almost,
13:16
like I'm not value, it can mess with your head in that, then the
13:20
person starts to feel well in here, I guess, maybe I'm not as
13:23
valuable or, you know, those kind of things.
13:26
And so, you know, when you're in business, there's a
13:28
relationship. Chip in anything, whether it's
13:32
business or personal life, there's always this relationship
13:35
and in our personal lives, we have to know what is our value
13:39
and what to the other person that's involved in the
13:42
relationship. We talked about that in, you
13:45
know, whether it's friendships parent-child relationship,
13:48
marriage, has Partnerships, whatever word you want to use as
13:52
sometimes those relationships with that, you feel like you're
13:54
only getting called on when somebody needs something, that's
13:57
another time that you have to look at.
13:59
At your self worth and you know the time spent and and consider
14:04
those things or when you're in a relationship and the
14:07
relationship is good when you're doing everything that person
14:11
wants you to do. But when you sit there talking
14:15
with clients about this too, well, whether it's a family
14:18
member or whatever, if I'm doing what they want me to be doing,
14:23
everything's okay, the status quo is there.
14:25
But if I say, I want to do this because it's important to me,
14:29
Everything shifts, right? And then that person, often
14:33
times if they're seeing me, they're going into a place of
14:35
anxiety and stuff like that because oh my God what do I have
14:38
to do? How do I make this?
14:39
Do I just and oftentimes, they'll conceive.
14:41
But when they concede, you give away a little bit of you, right?
14:46
And in doing so I think it's very detrimental to the person.
14:49
Yeah. It's not fair to you you know.
14:51
So you have to look but I think it first starts with no your own
14:55
words. Exactly.
14:57
And then it's like well how do I know what I'm worse?
15:00
Do you see what I mean? Even at a personal relationship.
15:02
Well, how do I know my value? How do I know what I'm worth?
15:05
And I think that can be a very difficult question.
15:08
Yeah. How would you say you determine
15:11
your own worth? Like I said, I think that you
15:15
really have to look at. Are you doing your best?
15:18
Are you putting forth the effort and the you have the, the work
15:23
work ethic to back what you are asking for?
15:26
Are you referring to in a personal relationship,
15:29
organized? Professional one.
15:30
Well, I'm talking about in a professional in look at in that
15:33
round but even then a personal relationship.
15:37
But do you find though that it's a little bit different when
15:40
you're looking at your worth in a work because we often will
15:44
look at that as income based or whatever.
15:47
But when we're talking about in a personal relationship, well
15:50
even when it comes the measurable, I hope that you're
15:54
bringing your best to that as well.
15:55
If you're not actively listening to that person, if you're not
16:00
Holding space for them sometimes and that because that's what
16:03
friendships are give and take and those things.
16:06
So, you know, if you're not showing up in that way then
16:10
yeah. There's a there's a deficit, you
16:12
know, what's interesting is always change that word, you
16:14
know, because we talked about give and take, ha ha, but
16:16
oftentimes people here that were taken in the can always say it's
16:20
called giving share. That's true.
16:22
No seriously. When you think about it, you're
16:24
somebody's having a hard day. They're sharing with you.
16:27
Yeah. And if you pause what, you're
16:30
You're sharing time with them. Instead of saying I'm going to
16:33
take time away from this to go to you.
16:37
It creates this different mentality.
16:39
I think. Yeah.
16:41
I could see how that would be, I could kind of create a negative
16:45
connotation on the backside but you don't really consciously
16:48
think about, but it may inhibit you in some way.
16:51
Well, the reason I say that, you know, I do a little bit of
16:53
couples therapy as you all know, and it always fascinates me, but
16:58
the thing is, is, Often times I'll hear people say, well, I'll
17:03
take time away from my game or all take time away from this, or
17:05
I'll take time away from that to be there for you.
17:08
And there's almost a resentment in it.
17:10
Well, yeah, because if you do feel like you're taking away
17:12
something that you enjoy taking away from your time of
17:15
something, spent something like that, you enjoy doing, then you
17:19
are going to feel a little bit even if it's joyful, even if
17:22
it's to attend to the person you love.
17:24
Yeah. The people you care about and,
17:26
you know, I always talk about, you know, and I was talk to Mike
17:29
The message you give your brain those words that verbiage that
17:32
we use really changes that relationship or it has a
17:37
potential to. Yeah can change that interaction
17:39
for sure because it can it plays out through your mood and that
17:43
there are some people that will say okay yeah I will play my
17:46
like you used the example, I won't play my game and then if
17:50
you go and you spend time with them but the whole time you're
17:52
kind of disgruntled because you're not getting to do what
17:54
you want to do. I mean then that does it takes
17:57
away from the relationship. Gigi need me to hold you while
18:01
you're crying. God, I could be playing
18:05
something right now and being happy at least one of us would
18:09
be happy. Exactly.
18:12
But you know it kind of feels that way sometimes and I get it,
18:15
you know, it's a difficult thing.
18:16
Let me know when you think about it.
18:18
That's just like even our physical level that how that
18:20
they will tell you. Don't you certain wording when
18:23
you are like, say your goal is to lose weight, and you don't
18:28
put that thought in there about it.
18:30
And restricting yourself and that because the body will react
18:33
in the opposite way. You know, thinks you're going to
18:35
starve your body so it has the opposite effect of what you
18:38
want. So even on a physical level,
18:41
absolutely even going to a place of guilt.
18:44
Yeah, guilt with work. You know when you're talking
18:48
about the physical health but also when you're talking about
18:50
that emotional thing, if you are there and you start feeling
18:53
guilty oh man I really shouldn't have been crying and sharing
18:56
that I put kind of switches and you start to feel guilty for Or
19:00
taking them away from their game or whatever it is, that's not
19:03
good either because now it's something has that was might
19:06
have been an external thing, becomes an internal thing.
19:09
Exactly. And when you start having that
19:11
negative self-talk and beating yourself up, you're definitely
19:15
not focused on self-worth know. And that's the thing that those
19:19
thought processes stay in your brain.
19:21
And then what happens, is your self-worth, continues to go down
19:26
and down and down. And then guess what?
19:28
It doesn't matter when beer at a Job in a relationship.
19:31
You don't feel worthy anyway. So how can you ask for
19:34
something? When you don't feel like you
19:36
deserve it. Exactly.
19:38
I was having this conversation with the client yesterday and I
19:41
said at some point you have got to understand that you have
19:46
value and that your worth is important.
19:51
And I said, once you can do that and you can really buy into it
19:55
all of this negativity, all of this thought process.
19:58
We'll start to dissipate some but is how do you switch it?
20:02
But oftentimes in, if I tell somebody you deserve to be
20:07
happy, I can see the body language tells me right away.
20:10
Like know, I really don't and how sad is that when we even in
20:15
in the think of being happy? How many times in my office over
20:19
the past 20 plus years when I have used that or you are
20:23
valuable. You are worthy you deserve this.
20:27
You Curve this. How many times I see that?
20:31
Then shrink down and not from the they are worthy, right?
20:36
And in doing that you recoil into yourself and you cannot
20:40
give to the maximum that you should be able to because you're
20:45
not in that place of understanding when you are.
20:50
Happy and confident. What you are providing is your
20:54
relationships, your job, anything So I think, you know,
20:58
when we talk about knowing your worth its that internal talk,
21:01
you have to start with, you have to remind yourself.
21:04
I am where the I deserve to be happy.
21:06
I deserve these things but so much of the time we're taught I
21:12
think through all that verbiage you know and we're talking
21:14
societally and historically we hear all those things from the
21:18
time that we're young, we do this self Shaney thing with a so
21:23
many aspects of Our Lives. I think we do and I think it
21:26
also comes into play because you know, once again, they become
21:30
the societal Norms. Yeah, so if you live in these
21:33
communities, just be okay with being the janitor or the garbage
21:38
truck collector, not that, not that there's anything wrong with
21:41
that but that you're minimized to that or go mow the yards or
21:46
clean the house has his whether it's because a culture or
21:51
whatever it is. So people will think oh well,
21:55
You know, I'm from here. So we just don't do those
21:58
things. If that's what we do, you're
22:00
relegated to some minimized and to some portion of society that
22:05
seems less than exactly. And because of that, you don't
22:10
know who to reach out to, to get past that Mary, do you know what
22:15
I mean? Hmm, when I work with some of my
22:18
kiddos, and I work with the neurodivergent population, I
22:23
don't sit there and say to Them. This is the best you can be.
22:27
I will see. You can be what you want to be,
22:31
right? And a lot of times kids don't
22:33
get that message and you especially when they're
22:35
neurodivergent, you know, if they started out really rough.
22:38
And like I said, I'm just I'm just so grateful that I've been
22:43
on this journey with one of my young man who like I said, for
22:46
the first time, a junior in high school junior.
22:50
He no longer has an IEP all of his passing grades and Die.
22:55
Meaning at the individual education plan.
22:59
So it's for accommodations for somebody because of him being on
23:04
the autism spectrum. There were lots of outburst
23:08
early on and things like that. Very disregulated, and things
23:11
like that, and I think it's the plan that's in place to help
23:15
them overcome those things. Yeah, to justice system to
23:19
become more, but I think the thing is, is that often times
23:23
even when you're working with kids and stuff like that.
23:25
And if they have behavioral issues or that they start to
23:28
believe that, that's all that I am.
23:31
And I think even for him it was, I'm autistic, I don't and I'm
23:35
telling you I am just so impressed with this young man.
23:38
So impressed with him where he is at today, has a summer job
23:43
lined up because when you are on that Journey with them and you
23:49
help them to understand, they can be more than they are in
23:52
this moment. Regardless of What they've been
23:55
told whether it's through schools or Media or whatever it
23:59
is or those social constructs. He now understands his worth is
24:05
different. Exactly.
24:07
And that's the main thing I think is helping others to
24:10
believe in themselves because they have received so many of
24:15
these negative messages. And I mean, you can even see
24:18
that, you know, if you've watched stories of people that
24:20
grew up in maybe rough neighborhoods, where that a way
24:23
of life was selling Answer those kinds of things and they talk
24:27
about, they never knew any other way.
24:29
This is how they survived. There are people that break out
24:33
of that and, you know, start to believe something else about
24:36
themselves that they are fully capable of taking a different
24:39
direction and I think that's what it comes down to helping
24:42
people to understand that. Well, absolutely, and, you know
24:45
what I did drug and alcohol treatment as well, that was one
24:48
of the things, you know, when you buy into those things of,
24:51
I'm an addict and this is what I do, this is who I am.
24:55
You stay stuck in those things and I think anything is when you
24:58
learn your worth in your value, not only what is my worth and
25:02
value for myself. But then what does how does that
25:05
go out to the community, to my relationships, to everything
25:09
else? Because what you fully buy into
25:12
and believe about yourself, you will fulfill absolutely.
25:16
Yeah. And oftentimes, you know, I
25:18
think people understand there's some fear and intimidation about
25:23
some things. When we're talking about our
25:26
worth because it's like am I bragging?
25:29
And my vein and my this and my arrogant, how many times do
25:33
people will use those kind of terminology when somebody says
25:36
they're saying, oh yeah, I'm really good at math.
25:39
Oh, a little arrogant, are we some things like that and
25:42
there's like that. Shut that down.
25:43
No, it's not arrogance, right? If you're good at something and
25:47
you're like something, then do that.
25:49
I will tell people, I love what I do.
25:53
I love being a therapist. And I think I do it well, but it
25:57
took me a long time to get there to say that.
25:59
I am good at what I do with the disorders that I treat.
26:04
Well, yeah. And I mean, that's been
26:06
definitely is no evidence based yeah.
26:09
After how many years, but you, you know, have spent so much
26:13
time in training and, and going, and seeing so many people.
26:19
I'm sure you're in the thousands.
26:21
Well, yeah, you've seen so well, I think the other thing is true
26:24
though is because As once again, we get that thing up.
26:27
Oh, that's vanity, that's arrogant, that's conceit.
26:32
So, once again, then that shuts down somebody self-worth.
26:35
Exactly know if you're good at it.
26:37
You love it. Talk about it.
26:39
Yeah. You know what I mean?
26:40
I think that's the important aspect of all this.
26:42
That's how you build that that self-worth.
26:46
You talk about the things that you're passionate about.
26:48
You talk about what you're good at?
26:51
Yeah, because there's so many things in life were not good at,
26:54
but what Happens is when you you're worth starts going down.
26:58
How you see yourself starts going down then, guess what?
27:01
You only start talking about everything that you cannot do
27:04
well, right? And we forget what we do.
27:07
Well, when I ask people also, what is it you like to do?
27:10
What do you do? Well, Sirens, Yep.
27:14
They're like, what? You don't know.
27:16
I don't even remember. Yeah, a lot of times that is the
27:20
answer people, you know. I don't even know if I'll like
27:23
it. I go.
27:24
You know what the Cool thing is, is if you don't guess what?
27:27
There are. But Jillian, interest out there,
27:30
I promise you, you will find one, you know.
27:33
Yeah. You know, and I don't care if
27:35
it's going to find rocks, you know, whatever, whatever it is.
27:39
There are so many things. But once again, we get so caught
27:44
up in all of that negative talk that we hear or all that other
27:49
verbiage that gets stuck in our head that we really do start to
27:53
lose. Who we are.
27:56
Yeah, and it's really sad because like I say I mean when
28:00
you focus on what you love and what you do, well, not everybody
28:03
has the same skill set. So it's not arrogance when you
28:07
focus on that thing that you do well at, you are bringing it to
28:12
the world in a way that it's a positive.
28:15
But other people enjoy it. I have had to give that a lot of
28:19
thought, even in singing, Because I do enjoy singing, but
28:24
I enjoy singing around the House and, you know, there's nobody
28:26
there to hear it and so, and there's nothing wrong with that.
28:30
But when people compliment me or things like that, I really had
28:34
to work on that in my mind. My thinking around that.
28:38
Oh, boy. Did she And you know, which I
28:41
think is really cool because even that worse now that you're
28:45
seeing the more of that value and so you you have your own
28:48
YouTube where you just do your, you just didn't music and I
28:51
don't have too many videos on there, what?
28:53
I. Yeah.
28:54
But hey, if you're out there go to her YouTube channel, it's
28:58
Christy Banta, bant a using boy, is an apple and is Nancy t, as
29:03
in Tom is an apple always like doing those little things.
29:08
When I talk to military people, you know, they do those other
29:10
little things. I love that.
29:12
Yeah, Tango Echo, see, we digress some by but, you know,
29:19
even like one of the things even about this podcast, you know,
29:22
some of the people that were, we really want to reach out to and
29:25
that would be there, like, why would they want to do our
29:27
podcast? And then we finally got to the
29:29
point and say you know what, we really love what we do.
29:32
And if we love it, they will pick up on that with us.
29:36
And the other thing is, is all we We have to do is extend it
29:39
out. If they say no, they say know.
29:41
Exactly the guess what? We've been getting yeses.
29:44
Yeah, that's even better. So that's what we here.
29:46
We focused on that and we have gratitude for all the yeses that
29:49
we get. Yes.
29:50
But there was, there was still that thing of is this really
29:53
valuable that apprehension serious?
29:56
I think it is that thing of well why would they were just a
30:00
little podcast or we don't even know how big we are because you
30:04
can't track number. So I don't even know what that
30:05
means. Yeah.
30:06
And like I said, we're just Immensely grateful for everyone
30:10
of our listeners. Yeah, and, you know, if you're a
30:12
listener and you become a follower, that's even better,
30:16
you know what I mean? If it provides a positive note
30:19
for anybody, we're grateful for that or if it makes you think
30:23
about something. Yeah, the makes you, if this
30:26
episode makes you sit down and say, what is my worth?
30:28
Have? I been living up to that word?
30:31
If the answer is no, then what can I do differently?
30:34
If the answer is yes, then how do I transfer that?
30:38
Each other's or whatever. That is because it becomes that
30:40
relationship. Am I worthy in everything.
30:44
And oftentimes we're not, we might be really, we might see
30:46
our work in our work, but not in our relationships, or vice versa
30:49
or whatever. We might not see, are worthless
30:52
far as being a parent, but man, I'm a good executive, or I'm
30:55
good this or I'm good at this. But as a parent man, I just
30:58
don't know if I'm doing, you know, there's that Worth to and
31:01
you know I think for parents that's another place that do.
31:04
I feel valued, you know, often parents will say kid, don't Talk
31:08
to me at all. But man if I'm doing something
31:10
else there right up in my business, then I know I'm
31:12
valuable. Yeah, kind of like a dog but
31:16
that's a whole other story, right?
31:19
But that works were talking about is so important and I'm
31:24
going to go back to work because we work more than we're at home.
31:28
So majority of our time is spent working and, you know, now they
31:32
want to raise the retirement age.
31:35
I don't know, I guess they want us to work until, you know we're
31:37
maybe it's us digging our own hole to jump.
31:44
Quite. Possibly do y'all not feel that
31:47
way. Sometimes it's like, oh my God,
31:49
there's the finishing like they're moving it again, I never
31:52
gonna retire. Yeah, but because of that, we
31:56
are at our job more than we are anywhere else.
31:59
And I think that because of that it really plays on us and and it
32:04
can cause Cause us to feel stress to to have those down
32:08
moods and things like that. But you know, I always tell
32:12
people if you don't ask, you'll never know if you ask and your
32:15
company keeps saying no then maybe it's time for you to move
32:18
on to any company, to find those people because I promise you,
32:22
there is a company out there that's going to value for what
32:25
you do. But I will also say this when
32:29
you don't understand that value and you keep giving and giving
32:32
and over, giving to these companies, Know your value, but
32:36
they will not compensate your value because you're giving it
32:39
to them for free. Exactly why.
32:41
And if you're giving it to them for free they will not change.
32:46
So you have to learn and you said that a minute ago about
32:49
boundaries you have to be able to set up boundaries because
32:52
boundaries is a way that we show our worth.
32:55
Hmm. So when you do that you have to
32:58
be able to say, you know what? I'm done with this, right?
33:02
This is why I'm valuable to this company.
33:04
This is what I've brought to this company but I will no
33:07
longer continue to do it for free.
33:10
Exactly. And that's where I was saying
33:12
that a lot of people fall into that.
33:13
I know sometimes with salaries and that you're set on a salary.
33:17
So the company doesn't mind that you're putting in the extra
33:20
hours because it's not like you're getting overtime or
33:23
things like that. So you're basically that time is
33:26
free and you know what company wouldn't want to take advantage
33:29
of that, you know, especially if you're a good worker know what
33:32
you're doing. So I mean those are things that
33:35
To have to look at. I remember, we were at one of
33:38
the companies I was at me and they said about, we needed to be
33:42
at the office on this particular day.
33:45
And all that's, there is Kathy G.
33:47
And I now work at remake of and I told her, wait a minute stop,
33:51
she was left over going home. I said we don't get paid for
33:55
this. Hmm, I'm sorry in my head, I'm
33:59
there. Like I would rather enjoy my day
34:00
at home with you. Then to be there sitting around
34:04
waiting to See if somebody was going to come and eat services,
34:07
not my job. Yeah.
34:08
Especially when you're not taking paid for your time in
34:11
between, you know, because with you guys, it was like a
34:13
contract, I think so. And that was the other thing.
34:16
You know, they would have these meetings.
34:18
Well, guess what? I mean, takes an hour that takes
34:21
money, out of my paycheck fighting on there.
34:23
Like, no, I had a person who I said, I'm not going to change
34:25
this person schedule because they couldn't change it.
34:28
And, you know, so if they could make their appointment, then I
34:32
would go to the meetings but I didn't make the medium.
34:34
Power it because that wasn't what was compensating me, nor
34:37
was it really changing anything in what I did or what my role in
34:42
the company itself. Yeah.
34:44
In those boundaries. I think that's where the, the
34:47
original concept of that you were hearing a year ago about
34:51
the quiet quitting. And that has such a negative
34:53
connotation, sounds like to it. But I think really what people
34:57
were trying to say is setting a boundary about not going that
35:00
extra mile when you're not getting paid for it and that,
35:03
you know, allow allowing them to take advantage of that time and
35:07
doing those things for free. And so it wasn't really
35:11
necessary. I don't think quiet quitting was
35:13
a good term to use for it, but it really was more about, people
35:18
are starting to realize not having those boundaries in
35:22
place. They were getting taken
35:23
advantage of. I think that's absolutely true.
35:26
And I think that when people do do that, Matt Exodus, you know
35:30
what you're hearing from about that is wild people just don't
35:34
want to work. Well, it gets disheartening when
35:36
you work 40 hours a week, sometimes 50 hours a week and
35:40
you get to pay rent, pay all your bills and then at the end,
35:43
you know, you sit there and say hippie now, I have $20.
35:47
Oh I got to put gas in there, goes that?
35:51
Yeah. Because I have some clients like
35:52
that you know they'll be there and they budget their money.
35:55
Everything is so budgeted that. They feel like what am I work?
35:59
All I work for is a place to live but there's no
36:03
entertainment. There's no nothing which goes
36:06
into a whole other set of problems because there's so many
36:08
things that need to change on a systemic level.
36:11
Well once again that still goes into somebody's word definitely
36:14
you're not worth $15 an hour but yet you're worth they want you
36:19
to go pain over that in rentals and stuff like that.
36:22
So it's this really weird dynamic.
36:25
But once again, I'll be seeing start paying playing on your
36:28
self-worth, but it puts people in such a conundrum because
36:32
there are people that are working, two and three jobs.
36:34
Trying to make ends meet and it shouldn't be.
36:36
That way cost of living needs to, you know, there needs to be
36:40
some evening out that happens. But for the people who are
36:43
working for those companies, you don't need the government to
36:46
come in and tell you to do the right thing, right?
36:48
You do not. Yeah.
36:50
You know what you're doing. You know, your overhead.
36:53
You know how much you're paying your Executives.
36:57
Exactly. You know.
36:59
And you know how much that takes away from somebody else.
37:02
Yeah. And that's not to devalue the
37:04
Executives. That's not what that is at all.
37:07
But what it is saying is how do you show that you appreciate
37:12
what your employees are doing? Exactly, even on the lowest
37:16
level because without them it messes up, your whole
37:19
operations. Absolutely.
37:21
You're standing on the backs of those people.
37:23
So, you know, you've got to take that into consideration that
37:26
those people are valuable to your company and I guess even
37:30
the other thing is, is that maybe you are a company that
37:33
can't afford to Raise the wages but there are other ways that
37:37
you can what things that you can do to show somebody that they
37:41
are valuable to your company. Yeah, whether it's going and
37:45
having a minute and talking to them letting them know, you
37:48
know, Christy. You are so valuable to what we
37:50
do or whatever. We do that with each other.
37:54
I always tell you what you do behind the scenes is really,
37:57
sometimes more important than what I do in the business, not
38:01
in the practice itself. Because what I do I think is
38:04
very Very valuable, but to make the business run, but both jobs
38:09
are equally important. Yes, one doesn't exist without
38:12
the other, and I think that's the thing.
38:14
We realize it is such a partnership, right?
38:18
And, but it doesn't mean that I go just because you become
38:23
complacent, sometimes I think is what it is.
38:26
I want you to know how valuable you are in the company, so
38:30
therefore, I will make statements like that.
38:33
I will let you know. Because it's important because
38:36
you're not getting a raise but see how you you will just get
38:42
statements of affirmation. Hmm, sign me up for that I did.
38:53
But you see what I mean. Yeah.
38:55
Helping people to know their worth is not always monetary.
38:59
Yeah. It isn't sometimes.
39:02
It is just taking time to live. Let them know their value in
39:07
relationships. It's not always about taking
39:09
somebody out to dinner and stuff, but sometimes it is
39:13
putting aside your game. When you see somebody crying and
39:15
you just go sit with them and there's no thing of, I'm giving
39:19
up something instead of, I'm sharing my time with somebody
39:24
and I think those things are really important.
39:26
So there's so many ways, but it initially starts with you.
39:30
Yes, you understanding you have worth.
39:34
And, you know, you might sit there and say, well, what is it?
39:37
Well, then you see, we think about it.
39:39
And that there are certain things you deserve.
39:42
And the one thing that every human being deserves that I feel
39:46
is they deserve to be happy. Yeah, they deserve to be loved
39:51
and they deserve to love somebody right and there's no
39:55
limitation on that. Okay.
39:58
So for me, if you even if those become your statement, is I
40:03
deserve to be loved, I deserve to love somebody.
40:06
I deserve to be happy. I am worthy of all of the of
40:10
these three things. Then there's a start.
40:13
Yes. Because then your urine of the
40:16
mindset to bring your best to the table in whatever aspect of
40:22
your life that you're looking at.
40:24
Absolutely. And I think those are the things
40:26
that are really important. He's paying attention of them,
40:29
seems sitting with yourself and if you're feeling that that
40:33
you're not feeling worthy or like you're less than or
40:36
whatever and whatever those are beans, are then you have to sit
40:39
down and say why is it in this Arena and not another Arena?
40:43
And I think sometimes it's just we need validation but we will
40:46
go to that person and say, hey, I really need you to talk to me
40:49
about you know, what is the value of me in this
40:52
relationship, you know and particularly with even in work
40:57
My bring to your company that is valuable because oftentimes will
41:02
talk about our value to somebody else.
41:04
But we don't know what the company fee was.
41:06
We are what our value is, what our worth is to the company.
41:10
So I say put that back on your supervisors and stuff and
41:14
sometimes they haven't even thought about that until you
41:16
come to them with that and say, you know, you you make it known
41:20
to them that you're not feeling appreciated or those or I love
41:25
it. You get your yearly evaluation
41:27
Action. Which just so you know, brings
41:31
anxiety to a lot of people. Yeah, my God, I got this yearly
41:35
evaluation and I'll even ask boat, do you feel like there's
41:38
something that's gone on that would show some negative
41:42
feedback or stuff. No.
41:44
But, but they're still, the fear of negative feedback.
41:47
Because did I do enough? Did I miss something?
41:51
Yeah, and sometimes that's just because they know their
41:53
employer, and it's sad when it's a situation.
41:56
That's true too. They are, you know, are
41:58
expecting, you know, and sometimes I unfortunately, it is
42:02
that way, the employers only looking at the their bottom line
42:06
and they don't want to have to pay you out more or whatever.
42:08
So I mean, there are those attitudes that you will
42:11
encounter, you know, one of the things as a supervisor, I would
42:14
always go in, with the mentality of sometimes.
42:17
I'm going to have to talk to you about.
42:19
You know, we talked about meeting numbers or things like
42:22
that, or what is those kind of things are, what is, you know,
42:25
paperwork all that kind of and I would Always if I had that - I
42:29
would start with that, but I would always finish with
42:32
everything that was positive. What that contribution meant?
42:36
Hmm. Because I think that's the
42:38
important thing we are reversed in that often times people come
42:42
out of those year and that's the only time you hear about your
42:44
performance. Yeah.
42:47
You go a whole year and I will here you go a whole year and
42:51
nothing. Mmm.
42:53
Then you have that one hour where everything's condenser
42:56
know if I'm providing Service for a year.
42:59
The please let me know that please let me know my value.
43:02
And I think that's all people are saying, let me know I'm
43:05
valuable. And obviously, you brought some
43:08
value to the company or they wouldn't have kept you on for
43:10
all that time. Whether wait until the
43:12
evaluated, you know, I mean usually you know, oh my God, in
43:18
the other thing performance Improvement plans.
43:22
Yeah, or disciplinary action plan.
43:25
But guess what? We don't sometimes We'll have
43:27
bonuses and stuff, but there's not as much emphasis on that,
43:30
right? So even in that, when you're
43:33
going in for those yearly evals, and they're getting ready to
43:36
talk, you down, sometimes in that happens, then it becomes
43:39
your job to tuck you up. Yeah, you're right.
43:42
I did slack on this. But this is, you know what?
43:45
This is what I excelled at. I excelled at these things and
43:47
these things are what's really important and then the question
43:50
becomes to that person, I need you to put this aside and tell
43:53
me, what is my value to this company?
43:57
What am I worth? What is the value?
43:59
Worst of me. That's why, I think, you know,
44:02
before you go into those evaluations and things like
44:05
that. Really working on building your
44:08
self-confidence, in that area and and looking at what your
44:12
self worth is before you go in there.
44:15
Because you are a lot of times that's when you really have to
44:18
first or sell yourself, make yourself shine and help them to
44:22
recognize it. So I guess is we're getting
44:25
ready to wrap up. My thing is Is taking that pause
44:30
understanding that each and every single human being is
44:34
valuable has worth, and it's not about what other people stay
44:42
because it starts with you, you need to say it to yourself
44:46
before. Other people are going to say it
44:48
to you. Yeah, you need to start
44:50
believing that you have value and worth.
44:54
And it's not about your employer, but if you feel, you
44:57
have worsened Valium in a company, then let them know that
45:01
it doesn't have to wait, you don't have to wait until some
45:03
yearly evaluation talk about that because oftentimes, those
45:09
are the people who are getting. The raises are the ones who are
45:11
in your face all the time. I need a raise, I want this, I
45:14
want this, I want this, this is what I do.
45:17
I guess when they say that the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
45:21
Uh-huh. Sometimes you have to become the
45:23
squeaky And you really have to do work on your approach.
45:27
Because if you go in there saying everything that the
45:29
company's not doing, it's where the focus has to come in, is
45:33
what you are doing. You got to sell yourself, you
45:36
don't sell the company. You don't demean the company,
45:41
just as in a relationship, you don't demean the relationship.
45:44
You go in and talk about, what am I bringing to the table in
45:47
this, in whatever that relationship is?
45:49
Yeah, you don't sit, I don't gain value by demeaning you
45:53
right? Right?
45:54
But people will often do that. They think if I didn't mean you
45:56
that I gained value, it's a complete opposite.
45:59
It's kind of like I was telling you to because this is like a
46:01
political season and I was telling you the other day.
46:04
I was watching some of the stuff about when when it's a candidate
46:08
that's on or whatever. A lot of times, it's not about
46:11
what that candidate can bring to the position that they're
46:14
running for or whatever. It's usually about roasting the
46:18
others, you know, and that's one of the reasons.
46:20
I don't really like to watch those.
46:21
I mean, I love to go and read the stuff.
46:24
That they, where are they at? On different situations, where?
46:29
What is their take on these different issues?
46:32
That's more important to me than them ridiculing the other
46:34
candidate. Exactly.
46:36
So this is a mind shift we're talking about, right?
46:39
So you know, maybe for the week just practice, it find one
46:42
statement, whatever that is have gratitude for your worth have
46:47
gratitude for your relationships, have gratitude
46:50
for your jobs and all of that. And then within that gratitude,
46:54
You will find some of that worth anyway.
46:56
Yes. Okay we will be back next week.
47:01
We will be having guests on and which once again we are super
47:06
super excited. And once again, we had to step
47:09
outside that comfort and understand the worth of what we
47:12
do on this podcast and reach out to them.
47:15
And we are so grateful that they said, yes.
47:18
So we're super excited about that.
47:20
So just for now know your worth No, you were valuable and we
47:26
looked so forward to being back next week and we hope that you
47:30
guys have an amazing. Amazing.
47:33
Take care of yourself. Yes.
47:35
Five.