Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E42: Transgenderism, Gender Roles, and Marriage w/ Jason Evert

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E42: Transgenderism, Gender Roles, and Marriage w/ Jason Evert · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  Instead of thinking, OK, what's the perfect argument that I
• 0:02
  could pull out to convince that kid that they're not trans?
• 0:05
  Where's the kid at after he's like, OK, fine, you won the
• 0:07
  debate, but you haven't won me. It's almost like you're
• 0:09
  flattening all these things, depression, you know, body
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  dysmorphia, anxiety, OCD, autism, all these family dynamic
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  issues, and you're just flattening all these layers and
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  giving us a diagnosis. Trans.
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  Yeah. As long as just leave them
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  alone, about 90% of them will naturally come to identify with
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  their biological sex. Jason Everett, thank you so much
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  for sitting down. We just finished an interview
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  over at the Live Action Space and talked about hookup culture
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  and abortion and pornography and all of these things.
• 0:39
  We're going to get into some of that today.
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  You've written 17 books and you are an amazing speaker and
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  thinker for the Pro Love movement.
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  I'm going to call it founder of Chastity Project, husband of
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  Kristalina, beautiful person. I admire 8 kids.
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  Give us a little bit of a run through for people.
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  Haven't heard of you. Yeah.
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  Who is Jason Everett? I know I just gave you some of
• 1:01
  that, but who is Jason Everett and why did you found Chastity
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  Project? Yeah, well, for the past 25
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  years been blessed to travel around the world speaking at
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  high schools, universities on 6 different continents to bring
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  just the good news of God's plan for human sexuality to young
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  people. So we'll do the Catholic
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  schools, we'll do public schools.
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  I've done like Correctional Facility stuff and we've spoken
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  to Harvard, Princeton, Air Force, Naval academies.
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  And so it's just been a blessing to share the good news that
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  we're not in there just giving some like shame, guilt mongering
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  approach of statistics to scare kids into abstinence.
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  It just isn't the approach. We take the thought of Saint
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  John Paul the 2nd and especially in his book Love and
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  Responsibility of really just what he said, reintroducing love
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  into love, meaning the commandment of love into
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  relationships of love. What does that look like?
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  What would that do to our human sexuality if we just kind of had
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  a redeemed understanding of our sexuality and love?
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  And so try to bring that in the the schools and the churches
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  with books, resources, podcasts, all kinds of stuff for the past
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  25 years. So I've been doing it.
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  I did it for five years solo and then met my wife Kristalina, and
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  then we've been tag team in it ever since.
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  And she's amazing, Kristalina, she wrote, I think you Co wrote
• 2:14
  it. How to find your?
• 2:16
  Soul mate without losing your. Soul, which I read when I was
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  probably 2425. A friend gave it to me because I
• 2:23
  think they didn't approve of my boyfriend at the time.
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  No, he did not end up becoming my husband.
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  I'm very happily married to my amazing husband now, and it was
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  an amazing book. It was very much a preparation
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  for how to think about discernment in dating, how to
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  date well, how to prepare for marriage.
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  I'm going to give you a really tough question to start us off
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  here. Out of your 17 books, including
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  the one that I just noted that I've read and I love, what do
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  you think are the top three most important?
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  I would say How to find your soul mate without losing your
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  soul book for young women that one.
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  The second one is a biography I did of Saint John Paul the 2nd
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  called the Saint John Paul the 2nd St.
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  John Paul the Great, his five loves.
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  So that was my favorite book to to write.
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  It's compilation of stories of the Holy Father that weren't
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  published until after he passed away.
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  Different miracles. He performed all his different
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  assassination attempts against him.
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  People think it was just the one time he was shot, but there was
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  so much more. I mean, he wasn't even stabbed
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  by a priest in Fatima 1. So it's got all that stuff.
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  So for a spiritual read, I would recommend that one.
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  And then it's a toss up for the last two.
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  I would say the male equivalent of the girl book we wrote is
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  called The Dating Blueprint. And that actually teaches guys
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  how to date. That really goes through not
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  just the Thou Shalt knots, but that actually teaches them
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  dating etiquette. And so we surveyed tons of women
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  asking their feedback. What do you wish guys knew?
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  Because girls have these expectations, what they want us
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  to know, but they won't don't want to tell us what they want
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  because they want it to come from us and not from them.
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  But then we don't know what it is.
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  And so to kind of work around that, we surveyed them and use
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  their information in it. And so that one, it would be a
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  tie up with the newest one we did on the topic of gender.
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  OK. We got this one.
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  Yeah, so male, female, other Catholic guide understanding
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  gender. And that's just because I've met
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  so many young people wrestling with gender dysphoria, their
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  parents like, oh, my daughter's 14 and she says she's a non
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  binary and she wants to get a double mastectomy.
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  And like, what do I do? She wants us to use her
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  pronouns. And so just spent years
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  researching that. It's got more than 1000
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  references in the Endnote section to back up the Church's
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  teachings on this, but really presents it with a lot of
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  charity as well as clarity. OK, so you picked just the books
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  that I would have hoped because this was not planned, by the
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  way, because I wanted to talk about your work, work on gender
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  ideology and the practical approach of helping people
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  understand what's happening with gender ideology, transgenderism,
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  how we respond. And then I want to take some
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  time. We've got just an hour here, but
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  take some time to talk about the practicals of dating and
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  relationships because we talk about that a lot.
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  Masculinity, femininity, red pill stuff.
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  We talk about that a lot on the podcast.
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  So let's start with the gender ideology stuff.
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  You just wrote this book, Male, female, other.
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  I recommend everybody gets it. You've already given some great
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  interviews on this. Our friend Matt Fradd over at
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  Pines of the Coin and said a great one.
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  Can you give us an overview of what you you teach in this book?
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  What do people need to know about the dramatic rise of
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  transgenderism today? Yeah, well, a couple decades
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  ago, gender dysphoria was something that typically
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  affected a very small percentage of young boys and middle-aged
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  men. With the rise of social media,
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  typically around the time Instagram came into being.
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  Ever since then, we've seen this meteoric ascent of not only of
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  people identifying as trans and saying they have gender
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  dysphoria, but a complete inversion of the sex ratio.
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  Where now we have coming to the gender clinic a decade and a
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  half ago, couple patients a year to now thousands upon thousands
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  with an 18 month waiting list. You go on gofundme.com right now
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  and you will find 40,000 girls right now raising money to have
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  double mastectomies, 40,000 of them because these are $10,000
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  procedures and where's a girl going to get the money.
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  Crowdfunding and people aren't dropping 5-10 bucks.
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  The people are dropping $5000 here.
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  Go be your authentic self. And so you've got young kids on
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  puberty blockers and then when they go from puberty blockers to
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  cross sex hormones, it sterilizes them for the rest of
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  their life. And so you start just doing the
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  math on that. I mean, imagine if you had 1000
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  boys a year sterilized and which is obviously an extremely low
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  number. That's the the reality is far
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  higher that just take 1000. OK, let's say it was 1000 a year
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  for 30 years. OK, the average man produces two
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  kids in his lifetime. So within one generation, we've
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  now wiped out 60,000 people. Within two generations, you're
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  looking at 120. Next generation we're out to,
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  you know, 24480. Basically, within the 5th
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  generation, you'll have wiped out a million people that will
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  not exist because of just sterilizing only 1000 boys per
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  year. Now you multiply that globally
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  of what's going on, not just the surgical sterilizations, but the
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  hormonal ones. I mean, it's unbelievable.
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  And so I'm I'm meeting these kids, these young family members
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  and girls, not simply identifying as trans and saying
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  I'm identify as a boy, but many of them landing somewhere in
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  between this land of kind of like non binary.
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  And it's not that they want to be a guy.
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  They just know they don't want to be a girl that I just.
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  Abigail Schreyer said she feels like they're fleeing womanhood,
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  like a house on fire without any particular destination in mind.
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  And so the purpose behind this book is to address the top 18
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  claims being made by gender theory.
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  Because you've got college students sitting in a university
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  class. And the teachers like, well, you
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  know, sex is not binary. Sex is a spectrum.
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  And it's because of Western colonialism.
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  And, you know, the poor college kids, like, I don't know how to
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  fire back on this stuff. And so we wanted to give them
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  what they needed to adequately refute some of these things, but
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  then also offer pastoral strategies of okay, my daughter
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  wants a binder, what do I do? You know, my son wants to
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  transition this. What do we do kind of providing
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  pastoral strategies And even for the person who's wrestling with
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  gender destroy, OK, what's God's plan for me?
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  Like, am I just a walking abomination to God because I
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  don't feel at home in my own body?
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  What's his plan for me? And so we try to tackle all that
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  stuff and and a very loving but truthful way in the book.
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  So I want to get into some of that, but first, why?
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  How did we get to this place where, like you said, there's
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  this dramatic rise and people who experience gender dysphoria
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  and people who think they are transgender or they want to try
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  to change their sex or they they, you know, have different
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  beliefs about themselves. I'm non binary or I, you know,
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  even the increase in people who identify as L GB TQI think there
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  was a survey done recently by George Barna.
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  I don't want to get this wrong, but it was 1/4 to 1/3 of
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  evangelical young people, millennials and Gen.
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  Zers who believe them to identify as.
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  So they're not necessarily practicing the behaviors of, but
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  identifying as LGBT. You know, a couple decades ago
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  it was like 1%. How did?
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  How do you think we got here? The one of the analogies I gave
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  in the book is like, imagine you had a big swollen river.
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  It's like, OK, how did it become so swollen?
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  Well, maybe there's a dam broken upstream.
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  Maybe the the ice caps in the mountains are melted.
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  You know, maybe there's an underwater stream that burst for
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  us. Maybe there's been torrential
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  rainfalls. Maybe all these streams are
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  leading into it. And so if we're looking at the
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  origins of this meteoric ascent of transgender identifying young
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  people, there's a lot that could be looked at.
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  I think one of the themes that I've seen a lot in my
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  conversation, conversations with the young people, they're coming
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  out of this place of overly rigid gender stereotypes that if
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  you're a real woman, you got to fit in that box.
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  And if you don't fit in that box, then maybe you're not a
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  woman. And, and for the boys, if you're
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  a real man, you're into drinking beer and shooting deer and
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  watching NASCAR. And if you're into these other
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  things, well, then maybe the problem is that you know, your
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  sex doesn't align with your gender identity and you're
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  actually trans. There's also the, the factor of
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  mental health issues, in particular depression, autism.
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  There's one study done in Europe that found that 42% of people
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  who identify as trans meet the criterion for an autism
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  diagnosis. 42%. This is staggering when you
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  consider that 1% of the general population has autism, but 42%
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  of people identify as trans meet this criterion.
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  What's going on there? And, and I'm I've got in my
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  inbox right now an e-mail from a guy wrestling with all this
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  stuff and he identifies as Jessica and dresses as a woman.
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  And he and I are having a very pleasant back and forth
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  conversation. He's talked.
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  He said, yeah, I am autistic. And I've looked into the link
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  and, and I'm going to send an e-mail on the plane ride home.
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  I'm just like, what have you found there?
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  What are what are some connections there?
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  This is why I know an anesthesiologist who's told the
• 10:33
  doctors in this hospital that I won't perform anesthesia for any
• 10:36
  patient who wants that because he said, look, I've seen the
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  medical charts, the comorbidities of autism,
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  depression, trauma, all of these things.
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  And to think that that's all going to go away, you know, by
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  cutting this body part off and identifying as that, he said.
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  You're contributing with the mental illness instead of
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  actually treating it. It's malpractice and I'll have
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  no part of it. That takes courage.
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  You mentioned gender stereotypes you believe have a role to play
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  and people feeling that they don't identify with this sort of
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  cultural expression of womanhood.
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  And, you know, I think about like the Kardashian empire of
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  like being a woman is inflated breasts and butt.
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  And you not for the purposes of reproduction, you know, but for
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  the purposes of sexual ratification of a male, you
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  know, going to be looked at. So I do think that's definitely
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  a phenomenon today. But I would say, you know, 100
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  years ago, there certainly were gender stereotypes.
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  You know, in some ways you could argue as aggressive as today's
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  in a different way, maybe a more modest or formal way.
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  But, you know, women largely wore dresses.
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  If you were a woman, you wore a dress.
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  If you were a man, you typically didn't.
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  So, you know, also gender stereotypes are at the same time
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  that they're being emphasized, they're also being broken today.
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  What do you say to that? You know, how do you think that,
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  you know, just see kind of a lot of confusion about what does it
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  even mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be a man?
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  But what's your kind of take on how that's influencing the the
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  phenomenon the. Problem I just think of one
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  teenage girl who wrote to me a few weeks ago on the whole
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  subject of her dysphoria. And she said I just wished I
• 12:01
  lived 30 years ago because she said I wouldn't have a phone.
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  I wouldn't have a screen that I'm up at night scrolling
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  through these reels of these women's perfect hair and perfect
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  bikini summer body and perfect boyfriend and perfect this and
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  perfect that because I just go to bed every night just feeling
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  less than everyone else. But before the screens, this
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  wouldn't even been an issue. I just would have been hanging
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  out with my friends at the farm and those would be all the only
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  people I know. And if I'm a little more
• 12:24
  tomboyish and I like to climb trees and throw rocks, well then
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  so be it. There's room for me in this
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  world. But nowadays, like the category
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  tomboy doesn't even exist anymore.
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  There's no space for that. And I, I think of a nun that I
• 12:35
  had lunch with Sister Deidre and she's, this is a woman as a
• 12:39
  consecrated religious sister. So she's a nun, she's a doctor,
• 12:42
  she's a surgeon, and she's a Colonel in the United States
• 12:45
  Army. And I'm like, wow, like, just
• 12:47
  did you not want to be an astronaut because you're lazy?
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  Like, what? But it's like she wasn't doing
• 12:51
  these things instead of motherhood, she was mothering
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  through these things. And so I think what we need to
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  do is kind of expand our understanding of womanhood
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  instead of thinking that if you don't fit the box, that you're
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  just not one. And so I remember reading one
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  woman, not a Christian, a feminist.
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  She said that a woman is a person with a female body and
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  any personality, not a person with a female personality and
• 13:13
  anybody. So for folks listening who are
• 13:16
  dealing with this, whether it's a family member, they know who
• 13:19
  are facing gender dysphoria or, you know, they're talking to
• 13:22
  friends about it and they're like, what's the big deal?
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  Why you're such a transphobe? You know, you, you, you get
• 13:26
  labeled that if you're opposed transgenderism today, not that
• 13:29
  you oppose the person and you want the person to in any way be
• 13:33
  harmed. In fact, we want the person to
• 13:34
  be healthy. We, we, I think the, the, the,
• 13:37
  the side, the, the side that's typically concerned about
• 13:39
  transgenderism today is very empathetic and compassionate.
• 13:43
  What would be you mentioned there's a whole litany of them
• 13:46
  in your book, some of the top arguments that the pro trans,
• 13:50
  especially of children side takes.
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  And how do we combat them? How do we respond to them?
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  One of the common arguments is that, well, like, if you don't
• 13:57
  support this young person in transitioning, well, then
• 13:59
  they're just going to commit suicide.
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  And so if you are not an ally of our community, you're a
• 14:03
  transphobic, hateful, bigoted, and their blood is on your
• 14:06
  hands. And now this is this suicide
• 14:08
  narrative is an extremely powerful one because it's like,
• 14:10
  well, no, I don't want to do that.
• 14:12
  I don't want to be some hateful, bigoted and contribute to
• 14:14
  someone taking their own life. Well, yeah, Yeah.
• 14:16
  So if if you want to be you, then yeah, I'll, I'll call you
• 14:18
  your pronoun and I'll support you and your transitioning
• 14:21
  because I don't want you to commit suicide.
• 14:23
  But what they don't often realize is that after they go
• 14:26
  through the transitioning, the biggest study that's ever been
• 14:29
  done on this came out of Sweden. So very, very progressive
• 14:32
  culture. And they found within about 8 to
• 14:34
  10 years after the surgery, their suicide rate climbed to 19
• 14:39
  times higher than the general population.
• 14:42
  If you isolate out the female to male transitioners, suicide rate
• 14:45
  more than 40 times higher than the general population.
• 14:48
  But if you're just doing a short term study of just like, hey,
• 14:51
  one year after the surgery, they don't regret it.
• 14:53
  Let's follow them a little bit longer down the road because the
• 14:55
  longer the study and the more people included in it, the more
• 14:58
  worrisome the results are. This is why right now all the
• 15:01
  Scandinavian countries are doing an about face on this.
• 15:04
  They're doing a massive U-turn. Sweden, you look at Finland,
• 15:08
  Norway, go over to Amsterdam, They're all backing off on their
• 15:11
  policies now. Even the United Kingdom just
• 15:14
  this last spring shut down the biggest gender clinic in the
• 15:17
  United Kingdom. It's because of a young woman,
• 15:20
  Kiara Bell. She went through the puberty
• 15:22
  lockers, cross sex hormones, had a double anastectomy, then in
• 15:25
  her early 20s, basically looked at her body and thought, what
• 15:28
  did I do to myself? And then she looked up, what did
• 15:30
  you adults let me do to myself? And she sued the Tavistock
• 15:33
  gender clinic and went all the way up to the High Court in
• 15:35
  England. And these progressive liberal
• 15:37
  judges ruled in her favor. And now this gender clinic has
• 15:41
  been shut down. And even before it shut down, 35
• 15:44
  of their psychologists quit because they said we're not
• 15:46
  being allowed to investigate the deeper roots of this issue.
• 15:50
  It's almost like you're flattening all these things of
• 15:53
  potential depression, you know, body dysmorphia, anxiety, OCD,
• 15:57
  autism, all these family dynamic issues, and you're just
• 16:00
  flattening all these layers and giving us a diagnosis trans.
• 16:04
  And therefore the solution is transitioning.
• 16:06
  And the psychologist quit. In fact, one of them before he
• 16:08
  quit was interesting. What he did is he was taking
• 16:11
  care of a patient group of people who had transitioned, who
• 16:14
  were having mental health challenges.
• 16:15
  And he had another group that wanted to transition and he
• 16:17
  thought, well, what if, what if we bring these two groups
• 16:19
  together and just let them have some time together and share
• 16:22
  their stories. Very curious thing happened when
• 16:24
  he joined those who wanted to transition with those who had
• 16:27
  98% of the young people that wanted to transition desisted
• 16:32
  and said, I don't think I need to do this anymore. 98% just by
• 16:36
  having the opportunity to see somebody who had gone through it
• 16:39
  and realize this did not take away my problems, it just
• 16:42
  created new ones. So I'm so excited to share that
• 16:44
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• 16:47
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  Seven Weeks Coffee is a brand that I found out about before
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  they even sponsored me, and I love their coffee.
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  out. Give them some love.
• 18:30
  The Chloe Chloe Colby had her on the podcast and very similar to
• 18:32
  the story you told about the girl in in the UK.
• 18:35
  She had the double mastectomy and now she's also suing those
• 18:39
  that did it to her. She was 15 years old.
• 18:41
  I mean, it's it's insane what's happening.
• 18:43
  What about the argument that from the kind of pro transgender
• 18:46
  side that says, well some brains are more female or more male and
• 18:52
  you might be in a male physical body but your brain is more
• 18:55
  female so you can't help it. You're born that way, so we
• 18:58
  should help. Try to match your body to your
• 18:59
  brain. Yeah.
• 19:00
  Well, if you look at the neuroscience behind this,
• 19:02
  there's a very, very small study that came out and said, hey,
• 19:05
  look, if you look at this certain cell structure in a very
• 19:08
  microscopic part of the brain that that could determine a
• 19:10
  person's gender identity. Now what's interesting, it's
• 19:13
  actually located in a part of brain that's not associated with
• 19:15
  how you process your identity. And so it's totally out of place
• 19:18
  for where that would normally be found if it had to do with your
• 19:20
  identity. They followed it up with another
• 19:22
  study. And that study actually found
• 19:24
  no, the, the, the, the cell structure that actually
• 19:26
  resembles your biological sex, not who you think you are.
• 19:29
  Another study came out and it was inconclusive.
• 19:31
  And so when you look at all the research together, it's small
• 19:34
  studies with inconclusive results.
• 19:36
  But if you can find anything that seems to offer some
• 19:39
  biological support of this, it's like, well, hey, look, it, it
• 19:43
  gets all the headlines. But to me, it's like, wait a
• 19:45
  minute, are we now looking to the body to reveal our
• 19:48
  identities? Like, wait a minute, I thought
• 19:50
  that that was the opposite of what the transgender belief is,
• 19:53
  that you can't look at the body to reveal the truth of your
• 19:55
  identity. And so the neuroscience on this
• 19:58
  is inconclusive at best. And so if anyone is trying to
• 20:01
  persuade you otherwise, we have a whole chapter in our book
• 20:04
  specifically dedicated to this intersex brain question.
• 20:07
  Because like, you're looking at a part of the brain smaller than
• 20:09
  a grain of sand. Let's zoom out a little bit of
• 20:12
  the human body. I mean every single cell of the
• 20:14
  human body that has a nucleus is sexed male or female.
• 20:18
  One hair pluck out of your head, give it to a forensic scientist,
• 20:21
  male or female, your bone structure, male or female.
• 20:23
  They found more than 6500 sex specific genes, meaning like
• 20:27
  Lila, you're esophagus is male or female, your arteries are
• 20:31
  male or female, your spleen is male or female.
• 20:33
  And even in the brain, I love the research of that stuff
• 20:36
  because like between the two hemispheres of your brain, the
• 20:39
  corpus callosum, women have millions of more connective
• 20:42
  fibers between the two hemispheres of the brain, which
• 20:45
  gives you an exceptional capacity for realizing an
• 20:48
  experience, processing it with a memory, verbalizing it, and
• 20:51
  feeling this feeling like you can multitask all these things.
• 20:54
  Whereas you look at a man's brain, we don't have quite the
• 20:56
  same connections. That's why when a man speaks,
• 20:58
  you're actually only using the left side of the male brain to
• 21:01
  speak. The woman uses both.
• 21:03
  That's why if you hit a man hard enough on the left side of his
• 21:07
  head, he could go completely mute.
• 21:08
  But if you hit a woman there, she'll just keep right on top
• 21:10
  talking. So our, our brains are
• 21:12
  different. The hearing women can hear
• 21:14
  sounds that are imperceptible to the male brain.
• 21:16
  Women's eyes can see hues of color differences that men
• 21:20
  cannot perceive. I mean, you, you really start to
• 21:22
  like, look at that. The vast body of neurological
• 21:25
  data that shows that we are a sexually dimorphic species.
• 21:29
  The last place you would want to go run for evidence that that's
• 21:32
  not true is the brain. There are literally books of
• 21:35
  more than 700 pages long that look at nothing but the
• 21:40
  neurological differences between the male and female brain, and
• 21:43
  so it is pure junk science to think that there's such thing as
• 21:46
  a trans brain. And it's amazing and beautiful
• 21:49
  to look at what the brain is and, and the differences between
• 21:53
  the feminine and the masculine, biologically speaking, because
• 21:56
  like you said earlier, you can be a woman in a lot of different
• 21:58
  ways. There's not one way to be a
• 22:00
  woman. There's not one way to be a man.
• 22:01
  And our in a way, our limited acceptance of our self, our
• 22:04
  failure to accept herself has led to this crisis.
• 22:08
  What would you say as practical advice to people listening?
• 22:10
  And again, maybe they have that niece who is and your your own
• 22:14
  sibling is allowing her to move forward, you know, barreling
• 22:18
  forward towards the the double mastectomy.
• 22:20
  Or you have a grandchild and the parents are saying this little
• 22:24
  your little grandson is now a girl.
• 22:25
  Or you know, you know, someone at school or they come into
• 22:28
  your, you know, your place of work and they're struggling with
• 22:30
  gender dysphoria. What is the way that we can both
• 22:33
  lovingly but truthfully actually help other people and prevent
• 22:38
  all of the mass suffering that comes from rejecting one's
• 22:40
  actual body? Yeah, Well, I think the first
• 22:42
  thing we need to do is listen to these young people instead of
• 22:45
  thinking, OK, what's the perfect argument that I could pull out
• 22:47
  to convince that kid that they're not grands?
• 22:49
  Because like, if they pull out, you know, the intersex brain
• 22:52
  argument and I'm like, OK, well, hey, the, the the research that
• 22:54
  was done on those intersex brains, that was done on a very
• 22:57
  small population of people that actually took cross sex
• 23:00
  hormones. And the research shows that
• 23:01
  cross sex hormones can actually change the microstructure of
• 23:04
  your brain. And the scientists admitted that
• 23:06
  in the paper. Where's the kid at after he's
• 23:08
  like, OK, fine, you won the debate, but you haven't won me.
• 23:11
  You know what? I'm not looking for someone if
• 23:12
  I'm going to struggle with dender dysphoria.
• 23:14
  I'm not looking for someone with all the answers.
• 23:16
  What I'm looking for is someone who's going to just walk with me
• 23:18
  to try to find them together. And it's not going to be miss or
• 23:20
  no at all. And I just have all the right
• 23:22
  best arguments. And so when I meet a young
• 23:23
  person wrestling with this, I think of one boy I met in Texas.
• 23:26
  And he said, you know, I'm trans and we just started talking and
• 23:30
  we talked for a good hour or so. And he's just started telling me
• 23:32
  about his family. And he's got two older sisters,
• 23:34
  2 younger sisters. And they, it's like you like
• 23:36
  they can do no wrong. My parents dote over them, love
• 23:39
  them. But me, I'm the black sheep of
• 23:41
  the family and I can't do anything right.
• 23:42
  And I got straight as blah blah blah.
• 23:44
  And I said, well, do you think if you were born a girl then you
• 23:46
  would have been loved the way your sisters loved?
• 23:49
  And he looked at me and he said I know I would have been.
• 23:51
  And to me it's like, OK, here we are.
• 23:52
  You know, his ache wasn't to be a woman, his ache was to be
• 23:55
  loved. But we need to help them listen
• 23:57
  to their own stories. So the, the phrase that I like
• 24:00
  to use is kind of listening to gender dysphoria with reverent
• 24:03
  curiosity, not for the sake of blindly obeying it wherever the
• 24:06
  culture tells us to follow. But there's a story there.
• 24:09
  I've, I know a man I interviewed recently, an evangelical,
• 24:12
  focuses a lot on sex addiction recovery named Jay Stringer.
• 24:16
  And he does the research where he studied about, I think 3 to
• 24:18
  4000 people of what their Internet pornographic searches
• 24:23
  said about their childhood upbringings.
• 24:26
  Any research that those who had a pattern of looking for these
• 24:29
  things, typically we're missing this father figure or the people
• 24:33
  look for this typically had a very authoritarian father with a
• 24:36
  very shame based approach to sexuality.
• 24:38
  Those looking to humiliate women.
• 24:39
  There was often this theme that tied into that one is an amazing
• 24:43
  research showing these different templates.
• 24:45
  And, and and his argument is that we're going about sex
• 24:47
  addiction recovery wrong like that your unwanted behaviors are
• 24:50
  just a problem. And he said, I think it's the
• 24:52
  road map to that person's healing.
• 24:54
  And so I think we could take a very similar approach to this.
• 24:57
  And it's like, okay, what is this telling me?
• 24:59
  What is my dysphoria saying? You know, when is my dysphoria
• 25:02
  being triggered? When did it start?
• 25:04
  What was going on in my life? What do I feel when I'm dressing
• 25:07
  in the opposite way? And, and what is that tapping
• 25:09
  into? And it doesn't mean that if you
• 25:11
  get to the root of all this, the dysphoria just goes away.
• 25:14
  Usually it does. I mean for kids 80 to 95% of the
• 25:17
  time the kids will desist of the gender dysphoria before they
• 25:20
  even finish puberty. If you think they're properly
• 25:23
  understood, they go to talk therapy.
• 25:24
  They have understanding adults who really help them understand
• 25:27
  themselves. You're saying they will desist?
• 25:29
  Just on their own, as long as they're not getting imposed on
• 25:32
  their left gender firm, as long as they leave them alone, about
• 25:36
  90% of them will naturally come to identify with their
• 25:39
  biological sex. If gender affirmative care
• 25:42
  doesn't intervene, that's telling the kids, well, if you
• 25:45
  don't feel at home in your own body, then, you know, like
• 25:47
  what's happening in Oregon now. The age of medical consent to
• 25:50
  get a double mastectomy is 15 years old without your parents
• 25:52
  permission. Can't use a tanning salon, you
• 25:55
  know, can't get a tattoo until you're 20 in Portland, but you
• 25:58
  want to get your breasts removed 15 years of age.
• 26:01
  But if you just leave the kids alone, This is why we're seeing
• 26:04
  AU turn in the Scandinavian countries because they said, the
• 26:07
  clinician said, how do we know we're not creating this problem
• 26:10
  by offering the solution? How do we know we're not
• 26:12
  actually hurting these kids? And they said we were haunted by
• 26:15
  that question because the research quality, the reason why
• 26:18
  they're doing AU turn is the research was not there, that
• 26:21
  this was benefiting the kids, the suicide narrative that
• 26:23
  they're all killing themselves before they have a chance to get
• 26:26
  reassignment. The data wasn't there.
• 26:27
  The numbers are being cooked just like with back alley
• 26:30
  abortions, very similar stuff going on here.
• 26:33
  And so you've got the very progressive culture saying, no,
• 26:36
  let's hit the brakes. It's America and Australia and
• 26:39
  Spain and Canada right now. It's got like the foot pedal to
• 26:42
  the metal. But it's like you've got the app
• 26:43
  on the phone shows like a 52 carb pile up up ahead with 30
• 26:47
  casualties and you got black ice and you just hit it on cruise
• 26:50
  control. That's what we're headed to.
• 26:52
  But I think it's the the lawsuits from people like Chloe
• 26:54
  Cole, people like that, they're going to turn the tide.
• 26:57
  And what would you say to that person whose family member, you
• 27:00
  know, the grandparent or the niece or the uncle or the aunt
• 27:03
  or the sibling who has, you know, maybe they don't have the
• 27:06
  opportunity to talk directly to the child who is the victim of
• 27:12
  maybe gender dysphoria or maybe there's other stuff going on,
• 27:14
  like you said, autism or other mental health issues or
• 27:17
  relationship issues with the parents.
• 27:18
  Is there a way, is there some tools that you would give to
• 27:21
  that family member who's engaging, let's say the, you
• 27:24
  know, the parent of that child? Yeah, it can be very dicey.
• 27:27
  It is dicey. Because a lot of times if you
• 27:29
  try to put your nose in there, you can get the door slammed on
• 27:32
  it pretty hard. And I'm like, OK, I'm not going
• 27:33
  to talk to you for the next 15 years because you're telling me
• 27:35
  how to parent. And so you want to walk in
• 27:37
  gently, not doubting the love that that parent has for the
• 27:41
  child, because if the parents are sold on this narrative that
• 27:43
  if I don't affirm my child's self identified, you know,
• 27:46
  gender, they're going to kill themselves.
• 27:48
  And so I need to do everything I can.
• 27:50
  And, and sometimes you'll be having split marriage problems
• 27:53
  where you've got one who has custody of the kid who wants to
• 27:56
  transition, the other one who doesn't, the lawyer's battling
• 27:58
  it out, all in between. And so these can be some very
• 28:01
  volatile issues. So what I would recommend, we
• 28:03
  have a website calledchastity.com.
• 28:04
  If you go to chastity.com/gender, that's
• 28:08
  where we house all the resources that I find from from legal
• 28:11
  advocacy groups to parental groups, detransition or networks
• 28:15
  of people that are detransitioning because they're,
• 28:18
  I mean, what is that? I think Reddit net, reddit.com
• 28:20
  has a D10 transitioning form of like 48,000 people screaming
• 28:25
  from the rooftops to hit the brakes on this.
• 28:27
  And so all those groups are at chastity.com/gender.
• 28:31
  There are some excellent parent resource groups out there.
• 28:34
  Tap into some of these things because they'll say, hey, that
• 28:36
  strategy does not work. Don't try to force them into a
• 28:39
  pink dress with a bow this Sunday.
• 28:41
  Like they're pick your battles, you know, and listen, this is
• 28:43
  going to be more of a marathon than a Sprint.
• 28:46
  Ask some thoughtful questions. Well, can you give me an
• 28:48
  explanation of gender that doesn't refer to gender
• 28:51
  stereotypes? Like, tell me, what do you mean
• 28:52
  by that word? Where did you hear this?
• 28:55
  This has got to be a conversation and said it's some
• 28:57
  debate you're trying to win. One thing that I recommend for
• 28:59
  schools and parishes, there's a website
• 29:01
  calledpersonandidentity.com. So this is from the Ethics and
• 29:05
  Public Policy Center. This will be able to give
• 29:07
  schools and parishes policies and templates of policies they
• 29:10
  can put into effect in their school or church communities.
• 29:13
  Because I mean, God bless our principals and priests.
• 29:16
  But like, they didn't go to seminary or college to know what
• 29:19
  to do when you've got a non binary 7th grader and they want
• 29:23
  this or they want that. And a lot of these leaders are
• 29:26
  scrambling for solutions. And so thankfully these things
• 29:28
  have already been thought through person and identity.com
• 29:31
  is an excellent resource for those types of things.
• 29:34
  But again, all these websites I've mentioned just go to
• 29:36
  chastity.com/gender and then you can tap into those resources
• 29:40
  there. So there's a lot of debate
• 29:42
  today, and part of this, I think, is creating the problem
• 29:45
  of transgenderism and the confusion, the gender part of
• 29:48
  the this is creating the gender confusion today, gender identity
• 29:50
  confusion. What is masculinity when, what
• 29:53
  is humanity? I'd love to hear your take.
• 29:54
  You've been studying this and ministering on this for decades.
• 29:58
  Now define that for us. What is masculinity?
• 30:01
  What is femininity? Well, I like to use those terms
• 30:03
  strictly in reference to how we act as biological male and
• 30:07
  females. And so if I'm a man and I'm
• 30:10
  changing a diaper, I can do that in a masculine way.
• 30:12
  If I'm doing the dishes, which I typically do for the house, I'm
• 30:15
  acting in a masculine way. And so it doesn't necessarily
• 30:19
  need to be confined by cultural stereotypes that if I'm doing
• 30:22
  the dishes, I'm acting in a feminine manner.
• 30:24
  To me, I don't think that that's a helpful way of looking at
• 30:26
  this. How am I living out my
• 30:28
  masculinity? Well, what do you mean?
• 30:30
  Well, look at a man's body. What does it reveal and
• 30:32
  distinction from a woman's body? Well, the the man is the
• 30:35
  initiator of life giving love. It's stamped into his body.
• 30:39
  And so I think my call as a man is to initiate this gift of
• 30:43
  life, giving love, to use my strength to serve the family.
• 30:46
  And so I can do that in any number of ways, some of which
• 30:49
  might contradict, you know, gender stereotypes.
• 30:52
  But it doesn't matter because God created me as a man.
• 30:57
  And what I need to do to build up my family can be an
• 31:00
  expression of masculinity, even if maybe 50 years ago it was
• 31:03
  seen as like an unthinkable thing.
• 31:05
  I mean, I've got some relatives that grew up 50 years ago that
• 31:08
  didn't. The man didn't change a diaper
• 31:09
  his entire marriage. Not one have to do a single, you
• 31:12
  know. But to me in today's culture at
• 31:14
  least, like to me, that's not a masculine thing because the
• 31:16
  masculine thing is to lay down my life for my bride.
• 31:19
  And if that means getting my hands dirty, literally, that's
• 31:22
  an expression of masculinity. What about femininity?
• 31:25
  Well, if you look at the, the woman's body, you see active
• 31:28
  receptivity, not passivity. You know that that's not, I
• 31:31
  think that's a, that's a fault that some people can fall into,
• 31:34
  but there's an, an active receptivity.
• 31:36
  I remember hearing one man who said that whatever you give to a
• 31:40
  woman, she'll make greater. He said if you give her a sperm,
• 31:44
  she'll give you a baby. He said, like if you give her,
• 31:46
  you know, a home, she'll give her a house, she'll give you a
• 31:49
  home. If you're a grocery, she'll give
• 31:50
  you a meal. Give her a smile, You'll she'll
• 31:52
  give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what
• 31:55
  is given to her. And that doesn't mean biological
• 31:58
  determinism of just like barefoot pregnant in the
• 32:00
  kitchen. That's your vocation.
• 32:01
  It's like no, like as we've spoken of earlier, that none
• 32:04
  that was a Colonel in the United States Army.
• 32:05
  That's an expression of the feminine genius.
• 32:08
  And so, but I think something you look into the body to reveal
• 32:11
  the truth of the person and one of the uniquenesses of the woman
• 32:14
  body is her tenderness and her capacity from eternal love to
• 32:18
  nurture. And that's not that these weaker
• 32:20
  than man, it's a strength in there.
• 32:23
  Because I think, I mean, if men were the ones who had their
• 32:25
  children, I mean, they're probably like be 15 people on
• 32:28
  earth, you know, we're the ones. So it's not that women lack
• 32:30
  strength, but it's exhibit in a different manner and in keeping
• 32:33
  with her feminine identity. OK, so shifting over to advice
• 32:36
  for men and women, you've got in your books, many books, but we,
• 32:40
  you mentioned earlier how to, to find your soul mate without
• 32:42
  losing your soul. And then the dating blueprint,
• 32:44
  what today there's I hear this all the time.
• 32:47
  I get letters from peopleyouknowlila@gtpmedia.com,
• 32:50
  sometimes emails. And I'm sure you get tons of
• 32:52
  this because you interact with young people all day when you
• 32:54
  give speeches. But there's a lot of first,
• 32:57
  we'll start with the men. There's a lot of men who say
• 33:00
  that they can't find a good woman that they can't find.
• 33:03
  And on the Internet, they're sort of in the red pill space,
• 33:05
  there's like we can't find a traditional woman.
• 33:07
  There's no more traditional women.
• 33:09
  So there's a particular thing they're looking for.
• 33:10
  But in general, let's start with that.
• 33:12
  Men who feel like they can't find a good woman.
• 33:14
  And then connected to that, we're going to go to men who
• 33:16
  don't want to get married. They'll maybe date or they'll be
• 33:19
  in a relationship, but they won't marry.
• 33:20
  So starting with what advice do you have for men who feel that
• 33:23
  they can't find a woman? Well, the first thing is we've
• 33:25
  got to enter into that ache instead of just trying to
• 33:27
  disapprove all hey, maybe you're looking in the wrong place, You
• 33:29
  know, maybe your expectations are too high.
• 33:31
  Maybe it's like that must be really hard because I'll bet you
• 33:34
  probably really just want to have a wife and beautiful little
• 33:37
  family. And, and I can, I can understand
• 33:40
  the ache that you feel must be very frustrating at times.
• 33:42
  And sometimes you feel like you might want to just throw the
• 33:45
  towel in. I mean, you've got those guys,
• 33:46
  MGTOW as they call them men that go their own way.
• 33:50
  It's like, I've been burned enough and I'm just going to do
• 33:53
  my own thing. And so they're just kind of like
• 33:55
  thrown in the towel on the pursuit of love.
• 33:57
  And so I think the first thing we need to do is affirm how hard
• 34:00
  that that probably is for that guy and, and validate the
• 34:03
  suffering that that is and then enter into, OK, well, well, what
• 34:06
  are you doing to find the girls? Like, where are you looking?
• 34:09
  Are you on Tinder? Like where are you trying to
• 34:11
  find these people? And no, no, I've got, I'm on the
• 34:14
  Christian dating apps and I'm on this one and I'm on that one.
• 34:16
  And I tried this one and like, OK, that's in the tech space.
• 34:19
  What are you doing in your real life?
• 34:20
  I remember when I first moved to San Diego right out of college,
• 34:24
  like I don't know anybody. So I thought, well, how am I
• 34:26
  going to meet good people? So I went to what I heard was
• 34:28
  like the young adult parish in Pacific Beach.
• 34:30
  And so I got there and I went to the first Mass and they had
• 34:32
  announcements and they said, OK, this week's social activities,
• 34:35
  we got salsa dancing on Thursday, We've got a beach
• 34:37
  bonfire on Friday. And then I went to the leader.
• 34:39
  I'm like, hey, do you guys have anything like religious, you
• 34:41
  know, like a Bible study or rosary?
• 34:43
  And they're like, no, why don't you do it?
• 34:44
  And I'm like, all right, OK, so next couple weeks I'm at the
• 34:48
  pulpit after Mass. Hey, we got our first Bible
• 34:50
  study, you know, coming up this week if you guys want to come.
• 34:52
  Yeah, it's a Coed. But what I did, I was like,
• 34:54
  well, how am I going to get the guys to show up to a Bible
• 34:56
  study? Oh wait, was this for to meet a
• 34:58
  woman it. Was Coed?
• 34:59
  No, it was a Coed one. Was this when you were trying to
• 35:01
  meet a woman or you were already married?
• 35:03
  This was no, I'm single, just fresh out of college.
• 35:05
  Just want to meet people in general.
• 35:07
  Just in general. Women would be nice too.
• 35:09
  And so I thought, how many people show up?
• 35:11
  I said, I know, you know, I'm going to do a four week Bible
• 35:13
  study on relationships, then all the girls are going to show up.
• 35:16
  And once the guys hear the girls are there, then the guys are
• 35:19
  going to show up. Sure enough, it worked.
• 35:20
  Within a couple months, we had 70 people coming every week for
• 35:23
  a Bible study on this. And so it can be tempting to be
• 35:26
  like, there's nothing out there. Well, what are you doing to go
• 35:28
  create it? And so it's not that it's that
• 35:31
  simple, but make sure you're not just looking on tech to find
• 35:34
  these women on the apps. Learn how to talk to a woman
• 35:37
  face to face. You know, learn how to you might
• 35:40
  be surprised how flattered a woman would be that you would
• 35:42
  actually ask her in broad daylight on a date, not let's
• 35:46
  hang out, whatever the heck that means that you could stare her
• 35:49
  in the face, introduce yourself. Wow.
• 35:52
  I mean, even if you weren't that attracted to her to begin with,
• 35:56
  you just scored a lot of points by the fact that you at least
• 35:58
  have some guts to ask her all out face to face.
• 36:00
  Because that not only makes you more attractive because it shows
• 36:03
  you're willing to take some risks, it makes her feel more
• 36:06
  attractive because she's not dumb.
• 36:08
  She knows you're facing the risk of rejection, but the very fact
• 36:12
  that you would risk public rejection just for a shot to
• 36:14
  take her on one single date makes her feel more valuable.
• 36:18
  And that's why I read one woman. She said, yeah, the easier it is
• 36:21
  to ask a lady out, the easier it is for the lady to say no.
• 36:24
  I never thought about that. I mean, how easy is it to say no
• 36:26
  when you're just swipe it on an app?
• 36:29
  It's a little harder to say now when he's right up in your face
• 36:32
  asking with some manners and a little bit of confidence.
• 36:34
  I remember reading one girl and she said, yeah, if he asked me
• 36:36
  out over the text, even if I did want to go out with him, I'd
• 36:39
  probably say no just because he asked me out over a text
• 36:42
  message. But if he asked me out face to
• 36:43
  face, I might just give it a shot because he was confident
• 36:46
  enough for the challenge. OK, so I'll play devil's
• 36:48
  advocate for just a second. If you don't have the ultra
• 36:50
  achiever, ultra high achiever, who's going to go start a Bible
• 36:54
  study in order to, you know, find their spouse, which maybe
• 36:57
  that's not even that high of a high achieving.
• 36:58
  Maybe that is what you know. Go.
• 37:00
  To the Bible study. But, you know, I have heard the
• 37:03
  complaint that, you know, men, when they do ask women out,
• 37:06
  women are just not nice, that they are not very respectful,
• 37:10
  that they don't seem to value, you know, the chivalry that men
• 37:14
  have to offer. Good men have to offer.
• 37:16
  And it is hard to find a woman of virtue and someone who is
• 37:20
  feminine. Not feminine in the like hyper
• 37:22
  stereotypical sense, but who is appreciative and receptive to a
• 37:26
  man taking the lead? Yeah, it is hard to find.
• 37:28
  I mean, we can't deny that because feminism has taken its
• 37:32
  toll. And in the in the negative
• 37:34
  sense, there's a there's a positive obvious aspect of
• 37:36
  feminism, but then the negative sense of, yeah, well, just
• 37:39
  authentic femininity and from promoting that.
• 37:41
  But I mean, second wave feminism, 3rd wave, I mean it
• 37:44
  just becomes such a mess of like, I don't need a man to
• 37:47
  complicate my life and my I'm. And almost being offended that
• 37:50
  men would try to take the lead and, and you know, initiate a
• 37:53
  date or initiate opening the door or whatever it is.
• 37:56
  Yeah, you know, and so I would say, what is God calling you to
• 37:59
  do in your life? Go do it.
• 38:01
  You know, because you read Saint Paul.
• 38:03
  He talks about the the married woman is anxious about her
• 38:06
  husband and how she can please him, but the single woman is
• 38:09
  anxious about the things of the Lord.
• 38:10
  I think we get these backwards. I think we're anxious about our
• 38:13
  future spouse before we get married, and then we get anxious
• 38:16
  about the world when we get married.
• 38:18
  If the devil flip flopping it, now that I'm married, I want to
• 38:20
  go out and do all this stuff in the world old and like, whoa,
• 38:22
  whoa, whoa. Your holiness, is your vocation
• 38:24
  husband and a wife. But then likewise beforehand, am
• 38:27
  I anxious about the things of the Lord or am I anxious about
• 38:30
  my life doesn't begin until I find a wife?
• 38:32
  Because I remember Curtis Martin once saying don't always run
• 38:35
  after. Is she the one?
• 38:36
  Is that the one? Is this the one?
• 38:37
  He said, look, run after God with everything you have run
• 38:39
  after God. And after a while of running,
• 38:41
  look and see who's keeping up with you.
• 38:42
  That's the kind of person you want.
• 38:44
  And so when I met Krystalina, it wasn't on dating app.
• 38:47
  I mean, granted, if I was really trying to find someone in public
• 38:49
  and I couldn't, I might look at some Christian dating apps,
• 38:51
  Catholic dating, the apps, things like that.
• 38:53
  But I, I knew that God was calling me to do chastity
• 38:55
  ministry. And where did I meet her?
• 38:57
  At a chastity conference? It was almost like she was doing
• 38:59
  what God was telling her to do, and I was doing what God was
• 39:01
  telling me to do. And then we met each other.
• 39:03
  But nonetheless, these years of singleness can really drag on a
• 39:07
  very painful way for some people.
• 39:09
  And it's just like, God, if you're all powerful, then how
• 39:11
  come I'm not getting what I want?
• 39:13
  You know, and it's God, It's not like I want something bad.
• 39:15
  I if, if I wanted a kid my way, I could go meet a girl at the
• 39:18
  club and we could have a baby in nine months from tonight.
• 39:20
  But I want to be obedient to what you want, God.
• 39:23
  Like, where are you in this darkness?
• 39:24
  Where are you in the midst of this?
• 39:25
  Since I think sometimes God is taking us through a desert of
• 39:28
  purification of suffering that if you are going to become a
• 39:30
  husband or father, you're going to have to give your kids the
• 39:33
  gift of faith. But how can you give that gift
• 39:35
  unless God has taken you through your own dark night And this
• 39:37
  Dark Knight might be dragging on longer than you had ever
• 39:40
  expected, but just meet him in that darkness of just knowing
• 39:44
  that he hasn't abandoned you, that he's actually joining
• 39:46
  himself to you in the sense of feeling.
• 39:48
  Has the Father even abandoned me?
• 39:50
  What did I do wrong? God, that I haven't found this
• 39:52
  beautiful one that I was always promised if I save myself from
• 39:56
  airs that she'd come along and we'd have this white picket
• 39:58
  fence and and his dream never materialized.
• 40:00
  God, where are you in the midst of this?
• 40:02
  To me Christ crucified his visit.
• 40:04
  You in a way that's going to sanctify you right now, even
• 40:07
  though the suffering can be quite a taste of Calvary.
• 40:10
  It's very beautiful. What is the role of mentorship
• 40:13
  in preparing as a man or seeking as a man Marriage.
• 40:18
  Preparing for seeking marriage. Well, men learn manhood from
• 40:20
  men. They don't get it so much from a
• 40:22
  book or a curriculum or whatever.
• 40:24
  And so you got to be a intentional about seeking out
• 40:27
  some good men in your day-to-day life, not just who are my
• 40:30
  YouTube influencers that I'm following, you know, am I, you
• 40:33
  know, following Matt Walsh and George Peterson and this guy or
• 40:36
  am I affording Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan?
• 40:38
  Like, what direction am I going? I thought there's so many
• 40:40
  masculine people like vying for my attention.
• 40:43
  Like who am I going to follow? You know, forget that whole
• 40:45
  discussion just for right now, you need to have people in your
• 40:48
  real life that you can talk to about what's going on and, and
• 40:52
  the the impact. But they're not as flashy or as
• 40:54
  prevalent. You know when your your YouTube
• 40:56
  app open all day, which is back to your point of get off the
• 40:58
  phone and go into real life because a lot of the best men
• 41:02
  that I know living out masculinity, living out
• 41:04
  fatherhood or being great single men are not on the Internet.
• 41:08
  They're not in. Twitters, they're not on Twitter
• 41:11
  all day. And like, I highly respect my
• 41:13
  husband and for many reasons, one of them is he deleted most
• 41:15
  of his social media apps. I mean, occasionally he's on
• 41:17
  Twitter to see what I say and to give me pointers.
• 41:19
  But he's, you know, he's not in that space.
• 41:22
  You know, he's very much aware of what's happening in the
• 41:24
  world, but he's not on apps all day.
• 41:27
  Yeah, 'cause I what I've noticed is if you're around virtuous
• 41:30
  other men, what you tend to see are their virtues and your
• 41:34
  faults. But if you hang out with men who
• 41:35
  are not virtuous, you will see your virtues and their faults.
• 41:39
  And you don't make a lot of progress in the interior life.
• 41:41
  But I remember talking to a friend of mine.
• 41:43
  He's like, hey, you remember Matt from college?
• 41:44
  I'm like, I didn't know him well, but I know who you're
• 41:45
  talking about. He's like, yeah, I was talking
• 41:47
  to him the other day and, you know, he gets up at 4:30 every
• 41:49
  morning, do his morning prayers, and he prays for two hours
• 41:52
  before his wife and kids wake up, before he starts his day.
• 41:55
  And for me, it was like, yeah, I, I get up a little early for
• 41:57
  morning prayer, but it ain't 4:30.
• 41:58
  And it was just like, am I taking my interior life
• 42:01
  seriously enough? And Matt has no idea I was
• 42:03
  impacted by that little conversation.
• 42:05
  But what he's doing in the hiddenness of his little
• 42:07
  chaplain in his room or whatever 4:30 in the morning was hitting
• 42:10
  me from the other side of the country.
• 42:12
  It's just the fruit of living a, a solid interior life.
• 42:15
  And so we got to be around those good guys and seek him out.
• 42:17
  OK, so women now advice for women because on the flip side,
• 42:22
  you have women who and I, I know many of these women and they're
• 42:25
  beautiful women. They're living lives of
• 42:28
  chastity. They're trying to seek the
• 42:30
  Kingdom 1st and doing amazing work for God, and they're really
• 42:34
  struggling trying to find that man.
• 42:36
  Yeah, it's, it's a white martyrdom, It really is.
• 42:39
  And and you've got to look at it throughout that heroic lens that
• 42:42
  you're saying, God, I know if I wanted what I want bad enough, I
• 42:46
  could go get it against your will.
• 42:47
  And what I want, as I mentioned with the guys, it's not a bad
• 42:50
  thing. I'm not wanting to go clubbing
• 42:52
  and go do this and that. I just want a husband and I just
• 42:55
  want a little baby. And I just want to raise a holy
• 42:57
  little family. And that's half of the cross is
• 43:00
  the mystery of it all of just like, yeah, I know I'm, I'm, I'm
• 43:03
  feeling all this hurt. But when's it going to end?
• 43:05
  You know, is, is tomorrow the day?
• 43:07
  And what I would challenge that girl is just to don't lower your
• 43:10
  standards for the opportunity to hope you can fix a guy and
• 43:14
  rehabilitate a guy and change the guy.
• 43:17
  Only date or marry someone hoping they're going to stay the
• 43:19
  way they are for good. Otherwise, you're dating your
• 43:21
  imagination. You're dating a project.
• 43:22
  It's almost like a home makeover TV show kind of thing where
• 43:25
  she's in, you know, how they fall in love with this kind of
• 43:27
  rundown property because they see the potential in it.
• 43:30
  And so women date like that, this missionary dating thing
• 43:33
  that if he was a house, he'd be like some dilapidated, haunted
• 43:36
  crack house in Detroit. She's thinking, well, but we
• 43:38
  could put a swimming pool out bag.
• 43:40
  I'll get some curtains and you're.
• 43:41
  Like where's the budget for? This anyway, it's blown, yeah,
• 43:44
  you know, it's a don't date like that, you know, So if you're
• 43:47
  content just basically look OK. Well, if there's just
• 43:49
  dilapidated houses everywhere, what do you do?
• 43:52
  You're saying don't settle? Yeah, despite the ache, don't
• 43:55
  settle. Yeah, just look at the qualities
• 43:56
  you have. And if you're content with none
• 43:58
  of that changing 10 years from now, that's probably a good
• 44:01
  marriage decision. But if you know you would not be
• 44:03
  content if this stuff was still on the radar 10 years from now,
• 44:06
  don't go down that road open. You can focus on a friendship
• 44:09
  and maybe he'll change over time, but don't enter into
• 44:11
  romantic relationships hoping you can kind of rehabilitate A
• 44:14
  troubled guy. And so trying to keep those
• 44:16
  standards high as heaven. Because what I say is, look, I
• 44:19
  know it's hard to be disappointed in some guys, but
• 44:22
  it's much better to be disappointed in some guys than
• 44:24
  to be disappointed in yourself for settling for a guy who's
• 44:27
  half the man that you deserve. Because there's one thing more
• 44:30
  lonely than waiting for marriage.
• 44:32
  And it's being in the wrong marriage, always wondering, what
• 44:35
  if I had held out a little bit longer, You know, how do I leave
• 44:38
  this now? It's such a lonely place to be.
• 44:40
  At least in singleness, there's a there's hope everyday.
• 44:43
  Who knows You're going to meet today.
• 44:44
  You never know. And so I would say, yeah, it,
• 44:47
  it, it, it's painful and God has given you a cross and it's truly
• 44:50
  a white martyrdom. And I don't know what the future
• 44:53
  holds, but when that pain comes up, just keep repeating.
• 44:56
  Jesus, I trust in you. Jesus, I trust in you.
• 44:58
  Because we don't even know we're promised tomorrow.
• 45:01
  We don't. I don't know that I I'm going to
• 45:02
  get home safe tonight to the family, like I don't know how
• 45:04
  many hours we have, but all I know is that we should arrange
• 45:07
  our lives in such a way that everything glorifies God.
• 45:10
  So good. It's so needed to have that
• 45:14
  realization that yes, we're not promised tomorrow.
• 45:15
  We're not even promised marriage.
• 45:17
  You know, marriage is not a, a right, the right to marry, yes,
• 45:20
  meaning you can choose to marry, but if there's not someone to
• 45:23
  marry, you haven't found that person.
• 45:25
  You might not get that experience, but God has a plan.
• 45:28
  Despite all that, God has a plan.
• 45:30
  And we need to be careful. There's only we got 7
• 45:32
  sacraments, but you can only worship one.
• 45:34
  The Blessed Sacrament can't worship any of the others, can't
• 45:37
  even worship marriage. And if you do, and it becomes an
• 45:39
  idol, it robs us of our peace. Because until I have that, I'm
• 45:43
  not going to be truly happy. But if that becomes the source
• 45:45
  of your happiness, then once you have that, you won't even be
• 45:48
  happy because no human can fill that need ultimately.
• 45:51
  And it can be an idol even once you're married, because if you
• 45:53
  put all this expectation on your spouse and you have this level
• 45:56
  of demand of what you want your spouse to be in your marriage,
• 45:59
  once you're married, you can find yourself unhappy because
• 46:02
  you're wanting to get from your spouse what you should be
• 46:04
  getting from God. Yeah, and that's why marriage is
• 46:07
  a painful purification process for everybody.
• 46:09
  It's part of the whole point of the marriage is the
• 46:10
  sanctification of the spouses. You know, it's like the
• 46:13
  sandpaper of sanctity that God is bringing up your faults to
• 46:16
  the surface like oil and water. Because before you get married,
• 46:19
  you're like, I'm a pretty good person.
• 46:20
  Then you get married and you're like, I'm a jerk, you know?
• 46:22
  That happened to me 100%. I was like, wow, I I didn't ever
• 46:25
  feel like I was an impatient person until I got married.
• 46:28
  I'm like, wow, I can get impatient, OK?
• 46:30
  And some people are like, well, we don't have kids for the first
• 46:33
  five years because we really want to get to know each other
• 46:35
  better. I'm like, oh, have kids.
• 46:36
  You get to know each other real good.
• 46:38
  You know, just don't be afraid of that.
• 46:39
  But it's also so beautiful and and the most amazing ride of all
• 46:42
  rides. So you met, you said something
• 46:44
  that I thought was important. And I'm sure some people
• 46:47
  listening are in this situation. You use the term in the wrong
• 46:50
  marriage. And I'd like you to hear, you
• 46:52
  know, hear more of your thoughts on that because there are some
• 46:54
  people listening who maybe know people and maybe they themselves
• 46:57
  are married and they're thinking I'm in the wrong marriage.
• 47:01
  What does what do you think that means?
• 47:03
  Is it possible to be in the wrong marriage?
• 47:06
  You know the obviously the Catholic Church or Catholic says
• 47:09
  no divorce. Are there any justifications for
• 47:12
  separation? Because part of the breakdown in
• 47:16
  male, female relationships today is very much connected to the
• 47:20
  increase of divorce. And some people say, well, we
• 47:23
  just need to remove no fault divorce and that's the solution
• 47:25
  to that. But what's what's your take on
• 47:27
  all of that? Yeah, I think a lot of people
• 47:28
  enter into marriage with this overly romantic ideal of like,
• 47:32
  this person is the one and I'll never meet anybody like this.
• 47:35
  And then what happens like 15 years into marriage?
• 47:38
  I mean, the odds of you finding someone else at some point
• 47:40
  during the course of your marriage that's probably going
• 47:43
  to fulfill you more emotionally or physically than your spouse
• 47:47
  is probably like 90 plus percent that somebody else is going to
• 47:49
  come along that could make you feel more emotionally fulfilled
• 47:52
  or whatever. But if we realize that the
• 47:54
  purpose of marriage isn't your personal happiness, like the
• 47:56
  person purpose of marriage is holiness.
• 47:59
  Now, that doesn't mean that God's calling us to live
• 48:00
  miserable existence. So is it possible to be in the
• 48:03
  wrong marriage? I think what's possible is to be
• 48:05
  in something that looks like a marriage, but it's not that you
• 48:08
  could actually have an invalid marriage.
• 48:10
  And I unfortunately have known many people that have suffered
• 48:12
  through these things where they got married and the church and
• 48:14
  all these things that in a short amount of time or sometimes a
• 48:17
  longer amount of time, stuff came up to the surface.
• 48:19
  Like, wow, I didn't realize all this stuff about my spouse on
• 48:23
  the day of our wedding. It's not that they had a valid
• 48:25
  marriage and then it became invalid 12 years later from some
• 48:28
  indiscretion. It was just there were
• 48:30
  psychological issues perhaps at play that were preventing that
• 48:33
  person from making a full gift of themselves to you, or they
• 48:35
  were hiding information or there was coercion.
• 48:38
  So those things that could invalidate a marriage from the
• 48:40
  start. And so that's where the church
• 48:42
  would consider an annulment could be had in that case
• 48:44
  because it's not erasing a marriage, it's a declaration of
• 48:47
  nullity that there never was one to begin with.
• 48:50
  You went into the church as two single people and you left that
• 48:53
  wedding mask AS2 single people. And so externally look like a
• 48:56
  wedding. But in reality there is no
• 48:58
  spousal gift of self. Now, that having been said, what
• 49:01
  if there was a valid Sacramento marriage and then things got
• 49:04
  pretty darn ugly as time went on and there was psychological
• 49:06
  abuse, physical abuse, and obviously we'd never say, well,
• 49:09
  you need to just stick it out and stay in the physical abuse.
• 49:11
  Obviously you need to protect yourself.
• 49:13
  You protect the kids. But then what about emotional
• 49:15
  abuse? What about the protection there,
• 49:17
  if it's the husband being abused, if the wife being
• 49:19
  abused? I think one of the most
• 49:21
  important things here is not trying to figure this thing out
• 49:24
  on your own. You need to find a good
• 49:25
  counselor. You need to stay very connected
• 49:27
  to the people who love you. And maybe your parents are part
• 49:30
  of the problem or maybe they'd be great to go do for advice and
• 49:33
  maybe your pastor be super helpful.
• 49:35
  A good marital counselor, go on a Retrovi retreat.
• 49:38
  Like there's there's things at your disposal.
• 49:40
  Don't just get trapped in your own head in terms of ruminating
• 49:43
  over this abuse endlessly. And just, well, I'm just going
• 49:46
  to go to YouTube and try to find the answer.
• 49:48
  You know, looking up narcissistic personality abuse
• 49:50
  and this and that, like like like that could be helpful to an
• 49:52
  extent, but you need to talk to a human being.
• 49:54
  And so if you're really questioning the validity of your
• 49:57
  marriage, talk to your pastor, talk to good marriage counselor,
• 50:00
  talk to your family. And if all a bunch of very good,
• 50:03
  good, well respected minds around you were saying, hey,
• 50:06
  there aren't a lot of cases where separation is justified,
• 50:08
  but this is probably 1, then you may want to listen to that.
• 50:12
  Or as if everybody's like, no, marriage sometimes gets hard and
• 50:14
  there's seasons and you're in a really difficult season right
• 50:16
  now, but there could be light at the end of the world at the end
• 50:19
  of the road. Just make sure you're getting a
• 50:21
  lot of outside input instead of in a lot of these relationships,
• 50:25
  people try to make you doubt your own reality.
• 50:28
  And so if you're in something like that, I'd encourage you
• 50:30
  write down just the daily log of what's going on because you can
• 50:33
  argue with your memory, but you can't argue with your
• 50:35
  handwriting. And if it's like, wow, this is a
• 50:37
  pattern that's been going on for years and years and years, it
• 50:41
  could indicate a lack of psychological maturity that kept
• 50:44
  them from making a gift themselves at the very
• 50:46
  beginning. But again, don't try to figure
• 50:48
  it out on yourself. Try to understand your way out
• 50:50
  of the situation. Go get help.
• 50:52
  Any good further resources for people who are maybe in abusive
• 50:56
  contexts or who are otherwise wrestling with their marriages?
• 51:00
  Or Retrovi is 1. It's a retreat you could go on.
• 51:03
  I would also recommend the John Paul 2 Healing Center out in
• 51:06
  Tallahassee, FL Doctor Bob shoots he's got.
• 51:09
  We're going to have him on the show, I think.
• 51:10
  He's awesome, He's great guest, brilliant man, prayerful man.
• 51:14
  Really helps with healing because marriages can heal too
• 51:17
  and they can be really messy and they can be redeemed.
• 51:20
  And obviously it takes 2 and and sometimes one partner might take
• 51:25
  a little bit longer than the other to come along.
• 51:27
  But you know, God's still in the business of miracles and you
• 51:29
  know, God hates divorce and tells us that in the Scriptures.
• 51:32
  But sometimes a civil divorce is necessary if the valid, if the
• 51:37
  marriage is not valid from the start in order to move forward.
• 51:39
  And sometimes you never thought that divorce would be part of
• 51:42
  your story and your life. But you know, it's like, wait a
• 51:45
  minute, how could God use me after divorce?
• 51:48
  Am I like some second class citizen in the church?
• 51:50
  And I'd always wanted this wonderful Catholic marriage and
• 51:52
  it was just a train wreck. And like, let God write your
• 51:56
  story. Just trust him.
• 51:57
  You know the Bible says his His word is a lamp under your feet
• 52:00
  and a light under your path. I'm sorry, lamp doesn't give you
• 52:03
  much light. It's not like a spotlight.
• 52:05
  I can see a mile ahead, but you can see at your feet where the
• 52:07
  path goes. Just take today's step and he'll
• 52:09
  take care of tomorrow. You said something earlier that
• 52:12
  I thought was really good, which is, you know, you may have a 90%
• 52:16
  chance if you get married 15 years later to find somebody
• 52:18
  that you feel that you click with or you're attracted to
• 52:21
  suddenly. And so you think you're maybe
• 52:22
  more attracted or click with them more than your spouse at
• 52:25
  that time. And so, but that doesn't mean
• 52:27
  you didn't marry the right person.
• 52:28
  It just means that yes, we have attractions or connections to
• 52:31
  all kinds of people, but we are still called to be faithful to
• 52:34
  our vow, to the person we pledged ourselves to love.
• 52:38
  I think part of that too, would you say is how much we're
• 52:40
  investing in our marriage though?
• 52:42
  No, because it's easy when you meet someone new to have kind of
• 52:45
  maybe an experience of sparks. But are we investing in creating
• 52:48
  space for the experience of sparks with our spouse?
• 52:51
  Has it become all toil with them and all chores and the household
• 52:54
  work as opposed to I'm going to date my spouse, I'm going to
• 52:57
  have leisure time with my spouse, I'm going to prioritize
• 52:59
  my spouse. What's your take on that and any
• 53:01
  advice for dating within marriage?
• 53:04
  Yeah, I met one woman once, she said.
• 53:06
  Jason, I've been married for 30 years, she said.
• 53:08
  You know, last time my husband took me on a date was the night
• 53:11
  he proposed to me 30 years ago. And he's never taken me on
• 53:13
  another date, says 30 years. Not a single date.
• 53:16
  Has she tried to take him on one?
• 53:18
  Who knows at that point, but I know another guy's been married
• 53:20
  for 20 plus years and he and his wife have never missed their
• 53:23
  weekly date night in two decades.
• 53:25
  Like, even if the kids are sick in the living room and throwing
• 53:28
  up in buckets, they'll just like, drug him out with Benadryl
• 53:30
  and have a date in the kitchen at midnight.
• 53:31
  Like, they're going to to have their date.
• 53:33
  But what I'd say is that like, that guy's kids are going to
• 53:35
  know how to date because their parents never forgot how to
• 53:37
  date. I think the reason is dating is
• 53:39
  such a mess nowadays is because our most of our parents forgot
• 53:42
  how to date each other. And so now we kind of have this
• 53:44
  culture of single people who pretend like they're dating.
• 53:46
  Then the dating people behave like they're married and the
• 53:49
  married people seem to think they're single.
• 53:50
  Like everything is just out of order.
• 53:52
  But to me, the real remedy isn't just fixing the teenagers, it's
• 53:56
  getting the husbands and wives to date again.
• 53:58
  And so, yeah, if the grass is greener on the other side, maybe
• 54:00
  it's time to water your own grass.
• 54:02
  And so it's it's like your relationship with God.
• 54:05
  I mean, when you're a teenager, you like run into him at some
• 54:07
  exciting retreat. But if you really want that
• 54:09
  interior life to deepen, you've got to carve out that time and
• 54:11
  you've got to be disciplined in your interior life.
• 54:14
  It's the same thing with romantic love.
• 54:16
  At first it was all bubbly and intoxicating, but if you really
• 54:18
  want that thing to deepen, you got to carve out the time,
• 54:21
  especially as you get more kids and commitments in life.
• 54:23
  It's like, no, dude, Friday we got to date night and you got to
• 54:25
  initiate this thing and keep it going.
• 54:27
  And so I think that's predominantly the role of the
• 54:30
  man to initiate the relationship instead of thinking that, well,
• 54:34
  I've got her in the boat, you know, we're good to go, It's got
• 54:37
  to like you look at the Bible, it says that a man shall leave
• 54:39
  his father and his mother, cleave to his wife and become
• 54:41
  one flesh. The word in Hebrew for cleave is
• 54:43
  hotly pursue. So he marries, then he hotly
• 54:47
  pursues the wife, like that's a very different perception, and
• 54:51
  hotly pursue her and then marry her.
• 54:53
  It's like, let the pursuit begin in marriage.
• 54:55
  And if the kids could see that, I think they'd have a lot more
• 54:57
  confidence in what marriage should be.
• 54:59
  Well, and how many I think how much division and
• 55:01
  misunderstanding and hurt would be healed if that passionate,
• 55:06
  you know, introduction that people often have when they're
• 55:07
  first falling in love. That continued after marriage.
• 55:11
  They really worked on continuing that after marriage.
• 55:13
  What would be your advice to women listening who you know,
• 55:16
  want that in their marriage, or maybe they're not even marriage
• 55:19
  yet, but they want that what what would what some ways that a
• 55:21
  woman can prepare for either marriage or in a in a marriage
• 55:24
  be a, you know, an inviting, encouraging person to help their
• 55:29
  husband be that pursuing lover. Well, one thing is to realize,
• 55:34
  you know, you've seen the the five love languages, things of
• 55:37
  like, well, maybe your love language is words of affection
• 55:40
  and praise or maybe acts of service.
• 55:42
  Well, maybe his love language is physical affection and doing
• 55:46
  things together. And maybe that's not your thing
• 55:48
  though. Well, OK, but it is his thing.
• 55:50
  And so it's an act of love to do what?
• 55:53
  Hey, I don't like golfing, but if he wants me to sit in his
• 55:55
  golf cart and drive around and say, hey, nice birdie, I'll do
• 55:58
  it. And it makes him feel loved.
• 56:00
  And so it's a really matter. And you can even take these five
• 56:02
  love languages. There's like online tests you
• 56:03
  can take as a date. Just bring it, get your tablets
• 56:06
  out and then learn what the other person's love language is
• 56:09
  and do that for him. And so for him, you know, if she
• 56:12
  just seems like this endlessly grumpy, you know, woman who's
• 56:15
  just not interested, he's like, well, why would he?
• 56:17
  Why would I want to pursue something like that when she
• 56:19
  just seems disinterested in me? You had to break out of these
• 56:22
  cycles. And I think it's really
• 56:23
  important that young married couples understand it's going to
• 56:27
  get hard. I mean, marriage is the hardest
• 56:29
  thing I've ever done in my life. And we've gone through some
• 56:32
  tough patches and crystal and I've gone to marriage counseling
• 56:34
  and we don't hold back and telling people about that.
• 56:37
  Like I, I don't find any shame and being like, Oh, the, the how
• 56:40
  to find your soulmate couple went to marriage counseling.
• 56:42
  Like, oh, what a scandal for the church.
• 56:44
  It's like, no own your junk. Like, and we got to deal with
• 56:47
  some stuff. We can't figure out how to get
• 56:49
  through this patch. We need a counselor to help us
• 56:51
  communicate and talk through this and learn how to even
• 56:53
  communicate with each other. Because if if we as a church act
• 56:57
  like it's all sun sign and roses and lollipops and it's just
• 57:00
  living the theology of the body. It's like that element is there,
• 57:03
  but it's a tough Rd. and if they know that going in that the
• 57:07
  cross is a big part of marriage, then I think they're less likely
• 57:11
  to bail out when times get tough.
• 57:12
  Well, when you tie that connection, you said earlier,
• 57:14
  social media in many ways is confusing people about their
• 57:17
  gendered identity and it's making them not like themselves
• 57:20
  or think, well, I can't be that kind of a woman or that kind of
• 57:22
  a man, so I'm going to just not be my own sex anymore.
• 57:25
  Similarly, I think a lot of people in marriage, you know,
• 57:28
  they compare themselves on social media to other people's
• 57:30
  presentations of their relationships, not even
• 57:32
  marriages, relationships. And it leads to a lot of
• 57:35
  happiness. And it's like, again, get off
• 57:36
  the phone and go and love that person as best you can.
• 57:41
  Because everything, everything that gets posted online is like
• 57:43
  the best moment. Well, here's us in our modern
• 57:45
  farmhouse pins, you know, Pinterest house and our
• 57:48
  beautiful kids that have an Instagram photo with the shop,
• 57:51
  You know, like it just makes like, why isn't my life like
• 57:54
  that? You know, my kids throwing up in
• 57:56
  the living room and my husband's, you know, coming home
• 57:58
  later that I want him to like maybe I just picked the wrong
• 58:01
  person. But like, what if we just cut
• 58:03
  out the social media piece of it and we connected the other young
• 58:06
  couples like, wow, you guys are going through a tough patch too.
• 58:08
  Oh, and we are too. Like, you'd be so much more well
• 58:11
  grounded if you just turn the dumb screen off.
• 58:13
  And it's not not wrong to have these these dreams and
• 58:16
  aspirations, but they get just so blown out of proportion, you
• 58:19
  know, with the social media. OK, we've just got a couple more
• 58:21
  minutes. You've got a fight to catch, to
• 58:23
  get back to your beautiful family.
• 58:24
  What final words of advice do you have for?
• 58:28
  I'm going to say especially we talked about married folks, but
• 58:30
  especially singles, single young people who are wanting to maybe
• 58:35
  get married or they're just wanting to become the best they
• 58:37
  can be. Yeah, I would say, you know,
• 58:39
  work on what is God asking of me.
• 58:41
  In fact, God the Father, if you read all the pages of the Old
• 58:44
  Testament, gives all these different commands and
• 58:46
  commandments. In the New Testament, God the
• 58:48
  Father only has one command, and all the pages of the New
• 58:51
  Testament he only gives one command.
• 58:53
  And that this is my beloved son. Listen to Him.
• 58:56
  The only thing the Father tells us to do is just listen to the
• 58:58
  sun. Which means I need to create
• 59:00
  more time for quiet in my life. I need to shut off the phone.
• 59:04
  The YouTube influencers, except for Live Action and Chastity
• 59:06
  Project, keep those coming in. But like, yeah, exactly.
• 59:10
  Unless it's boring, turn off the noise a little bit and listen to
• 59:13
  the father, spend some time in prayer, Eucharistic adoration or
• 59:16
  whatever. Listen to the father.
• 59:17
  Because we could blab for an hour, 2 hours, 12 hours, but it
• 59:21
  wouldn't do them as much good as just hearing one word from the
• 59:24
  father, from the son. But that's why Mother Teresa
• 59:26
  said, you know, souls of, of great prayer, souls of silence.
• 59:30
  And when our, our, our minds are so full, it's almost like taking
• 59:32
  a glass of water, spinning around, sitting it down.
• 59:35
  And that's like prayer when we're all busy, when we sit
• 59:37
  down, the mind is spinning for so long because we haven't even
• 59:40
  created room for silence outside of prayer.
• 59:42
  So just slow things down, create some quiet and the Father is
• 59:45
  going to speak to you. And, and maybe it's going to be
• 59:47
  a word of encouragement And, and maybe it just feels like, wait,
• 59:50
  I just feel like I'm in this echo chamber.
• 59:52
  I talk to God and nothing comes back.
• 59:54
  Well, if that's what's going on, open the book of Psalms. 1/3 of
• 59:57
  them are Psalms of desolation. I want you to pick one.
• 1:00:01
  I think there's one like Psalm 88, I think is 1 where it's
• 1:00:03
  really like you're having a gripe with, confessed with God
• 1:00:06
  and you're like, why did you do this?
• 1:00:07
  And like, what did it Like it? But it's really, yeah, no,
• 1:00:10
  exactly. And read it once from your heart
• 1:00:13
  to God. Then read it a second time with
• 1:00:15
  the words of Christ, because those were the words he spoke on
• 1:00:18
  the passion of his own suffering.
• 1:00:19
  And then read it 1/3 time your voice and him together to the
• 1:00:22
  Father. And so meet him in the
• 1:00:24
  suffering. Meet him in this uncertainty.
• 1:00:27
  And just say, God, I don't know what you're asking of me, but
• 1:00:29
  there must be a reason you're having me carry this particular
• 1:00:32
  cross. And Ioffer this up.
• 1:00:33
  If you're calling me to marriage, Ioffer this up for my
• 1:00:35
  future wife. She's out there if it.
• 1:00:38
  If you have a different path for me, God help me to open my heart
• 1:00:40
  to whatever that might be. But in the meantime, help me to
• 1:00:43
  not be distracted so much by the future that I can't see how
• 1:00:46
  you're encountering me in today, in the people that need me.
• 1:00:50
  That in the people that might be a lot more lonely that I am,
• 1:00:53
  that I don't even bother to minister to to because I'm too
• 1:00:55
  obsessed with my own issues. Help me to raise my out of my
• 1:00:59
  navel. Look around and think, you know
• 1:01:01
  what? That person sitting on the
• 1:01:03
  highway probably has a little worse than I do today with his
• 1:01:05
  little cardboard sign. Maybe I could talk to him for 5
• 1:01:07
  minutes. If the devil just wants us to
• 1:01:09
  cave in on our own sufferings instead of allowing Christ to
• 1:01:12
  encounter us in them and then becoming Christ for the world.
• 1:01:15
  Beautiful. Thank you, Jason.
• 1:01:17
  This is so awesome. How can people find you and how
• 1:01:19
  can they buy your awesome books? Yeah, I just go to chastity.com
• 1:01:23
  and at chastity.com they can see our podcast, which is Lust is
• 1:01:26
  Boring on YouTube, it's youtube.com/jason Everett,
• 1:01:30
  twitter.com/jason Everett, instagram.com/jason Everett.
• 1:01:34
  My wife is also on there. You can link our ministries
• 1:01:36
  called Women Made New where she really helps women to kind of
• 1:01:39
  face it, own it and heal it and kind of dealing with your junk.
• 1:01:42
  And so that's kind of her whole ministry.
• 1:01:44
  And so Women Made new Chastity Project Lust is Boring.
• 1:01:47
  Can find it all at chastity.com. Awesome.
• 1:01:50
  Thank you so much. This is awesome.