Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E73: Why Boys Are Struggling and How to Help Them with Dr. Leonard Sax
Transcript
- 0:00Boys need to see a man in order to become a man.
- 0:03And our culture no longer offers good role models. 50 years ago,
- 0:07if you were to say to boy be a man, he knew exactly what that
- 0:10meant because he was immersed in a culture with movies starring
- 0:13men like Paul Newman and Sidney Poitier and meant to be
- 0:17courageous, to be willing to sacrifice yourself for the good
- 0:20of others, to be a hero. And sometimes you'll discover
- 0:23the problems not with the boy. Your kids are immersed in a
- 0:25toxic culture. American popular culture right
- 0:28now is a toxic culture. Hey guys, welcome back to the
- 0:35Lila Rose podcast. Today we've got a fascinating
- 0:38episode in store for you guys. I think you're going to really
- 0:42enjoy it, and it's with Doctor Leonard Sachs.
- 0:45Doctor Leonard Sachs is a family physician, a psychiatrist, and
- 0:48he is an author who's written extensively on issues addressing
- 0:52boys, girls, families, and parenting.
- 0:54So he wrote the book Boys Adrift.
- 0:56I'm talking about the five factors that are causing boys to
- 0:59really struggle today. He wrote the book Girls on the
- 1:02Edge, the Collapse of Parenting, and Why Gender Matters.
- 1:06There's a ton to get into with Doctor Sachs.
- 1:08We're planning to have him in studio in a few months.
- 1:11Today we're going to mostly focus on his book Boys Adrift.
- 1:13So he does a very deep dive analysis into the status of boys
- 1:17today, how they're struggling compared to say, 30-40, fifty
- 1:20years ago. And then he has some very
- 1:22practical applications and tips, especially for parents, for how
- 1:26you can help raise your boys and do it in a way that helps them
- 1:30have a healthy sense of self, a healthy masculinity, a healthy
- 1:33future, healthy relationships. So I think you're going to
- 1:35really like this, especially if you're a parent.
- 1:37Check out Doctor Sacks's work on his website, which is
- 1:40www.leonardsacks.com. And with no further ado, Doctor
- 1:44Sacks, thanks so much for joining the podcast.
- 1:47Thanks for writing me. I'm a big fan of your work and
- 1:51you've written extensively on a lot of issues that are near and
- 1:54dear to parents, to those that care about the development of
- 1:57both boys and girls. You've written books on gender.
- 2:00The one that I want to focus today on that we talk about a
- 2:03lot on the podcast is the growing crisis of masculinity
- 2:07today and what young boys especially are facing.
- 2:10And so your book, which I think was very prophetic, Dr. Sachs,
- 2:13you wrote it in 2009. Boys Adrift, the five, the five
- 2:16factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and
- 2:20underachieving young men. Well, in many ways, the chickens
- 2:23have come home to roost here in 2023.
- 2:25And what men are facing today is is very challenging.
- 2:28You know, we talk about again on the podcast, the Red pill
- 2:30community has grown because of that, a lot of disaffected young
- 2:33men, a lot of frustration, economic difficulties,
- 2:36relationship difficulties. So just wanted to start with
- 2:39what got you into writing this book first of all, and then to
- 2:42help us understand what these five factors are.
- 2:46Well, sure. I also want to mention before I
- 2:48forget that there is a newer edition of the book.
- 2:50The 1st edition is now pretty out of date.
- 2:55But as you kindly suggested, the 1st edition was kind of a
- 2:58prophecy and the second edition show of the prophecy has been
- 3:01fulfilled. And of course, the motivation to
- 3:07write the book came out of my family medical practice.
- 3:11You know, I attended public schools in Ohio, K through 12,
- 3:15and I vividly remember the high school honors ceremony in 1976
- 3:21when I was a junior. All the students receiving
- 3:24honors were up on stage, and it was all boys.
- 3:28The editor of the school newspaper, Andy Borowitz, was a
- 3:31boy. He's gone on to have an amazing
- 3:33career. He writes the Borowitz report
- 3:35for The New Yorker magazine. The editor of the poetry journal
- 3:38was a boy. The editor of the yearbook was a
- 3:40boy. The president of student council
- 3:41government was I don't recall any girls being up on stage was
- 3:44all boys and scholars in that era.
- 3:47We were talking 50 years ago, like my friend David Sadcker
- 3:51were researching how terrible schools were for girls and they
- 3:56wrote their their last book called Failing at Fairness,
- 3:58published in 1994, based on their research on American
- 4:03schools in the 70s and 80s where the boys were the
- 4:06valedictorians, the boys were running everything, the boys
- 4:09were winning all the academic honors, and the girls were
- 4:12sitting quietly and being ignored.
- 4:15That's within living memory, but it is profoundly different from
- 4:20what we see today. I have visited now over 500
- 4:24schools over the last 22 years. I started visiting schools
- 4:26because so you asked where I how I came to be interested in this.
- 4:30So I started my practice in Montgomery County, Maryland as a
- 4:33family doctor in 1990. And I began seeing families
- 4:39where the girl was the star academically and captain of the
- 4:46girls basketball team and straight A student and tons of
- 4:49friends and her brother was a goofball playing video games.
- 4:54And it began to be clear that in our Montgomery County, Maryland
- 4:59community, this was widespread. And, and my first thought in the
- 5:02mid 90s was, jeez, what's wrong with Maryland?
- 5:05But it's so different from northeastern Ohio, where I grew
- 5:08up. So I began to reach out to
- 5:10colleagues across the United States and, and began
- 5:14researching this topic and discovered, well, the first
- 5:18place I reached out to was my hometown and found that, yeah,
- 5:22it's not the way it used to be. The the boys have retreated.
- 5:27And this growing gender gap in, in achievement is not to do
- 5:32primarily to girls doing better. It's due primarily to boys doing
- 5:36worse. And what that's one of the big
- 5:37points I make in my book Boys adrift.
- 5:39If, if the gender gap was growing because primarily
- 5:42because girls are doing better, I don't think it'd be a problem.
- 5:45I think it'd because for celebration, but that's not why
- 5:49it's growing. Let me just give very quickly
- 5:51one illustration of how we know that.
- 5:54Way back in 1980, the National Endowment for the Arts surveyed
- 5:57a large and demographically representative sample of
- 6:00teenagers across the United States and asked them, what do
- 6:04you like to do in your spare time?
- 6:05And they were especially interested in getting at who's
- 6:07reading for fun. Well, back in 1980, girls were a
- 6:11little bit more likely than boys were to read for fun, but only a
- 6:14little bit more likely. Well, recently they did it
- 6:17again, went back and asked the same questions to a new cohort
- 6:22of teens across United States. But they found that the gender
- 6:26gap in reading has widened dramatically.
- 6:29A Mark Barline, the lead investigator on that study, and
- 6:32his colleague Sandra Stotsky said the gender gap had become a
- 6:37chasm. Is the word they used.
- 6:40And quoting from their their paper, they said reading has
- 6:42become a marker of gender identity.
- 6:45Girls read, boys don't. The gender gap widened not
- 6:48because girls are reading more. They're not.
- 6:50Girls today are reading somewhat less than girls were reading 40
- 6:53years ago. But American boys have stopped
- 6:55reading for fun. It is now very unusual to find a
- 6:59white, black or Latino boy who's reading a book, not a sign for
- 7:03school on his own time, for fun, that That was common 30 years
- 7:08ago, it's rare. It's very rare today.
- 7:12And that, of course, jibes with my experience as a family doctor
- 7:14talking with with children and teens in my office.
- 7:19So why? Why did this happen?
- 7:21That's the motivation for my book Boys address the five
- 7:26factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and
- 7:29underachieving young men. You guys, Advent is coming up
- 7:33soon. It is the most beautiful time of
- 7:35year leading up to Christmas. There's so much to celebrate and
- 7:39what better way to prepare for Christmas than improving your
- 7:43prayer life. We just did an episode about
- 7:45this on the podcast and it's why I'm so happy that Hallow is
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- 8:01There's daily scripture readings and Bible readings, their sleep
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- 8:08So you have that as well. But there's some amazing stuff
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- 8:26Download the Hollow app today. You can get three months free by
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- 8:31Let's enter the Christmas season in a spirit of prayer and
- 8:34deepening our walk with God. So I mean, I think everyone
- 8:37listening is thinking, OK, last 30 years, what happened in the
- 8:40last 30 years dramatically to boys and girls that would result
- 8:44in them reading less. And I think the universal answer
- 8:46would be screen time. So I know that you address that
- 8:49extensively in your book and you have other factors in addition.
- 8:52So can you run us through the factors that, as you see it,
- 8:55boys are making boys adrift? And then I really want to spend
- 8:58time on solutions because I know everyone listening is keenly
- 9:02interested in that. A lot of folks point out, yes,
- 9:04it's not looking good today for boys and men, society in general
- 9:07struggling. But let's start with that
- 9:09baseline of what are those five factors?
- 9:11And I know screens are are one of them.
- 9:13So in no particular order and not necessarily an order of
- 9:17importance, the first factor is changes in education.
- 9:22School has become unfriendly to boys.
- 9:25And when I speak to parents, I often illustrate this.
- 9:28I visited a high school in the United States where the teacher
- 9:34had assigned free writing assignments.
- 9:35You could write about anything you wanted to.
- 9:37And a boy who chose to write a story, Battle of Stalingrad,
- 9:41winter 1942. And it's very violent.
- 9:45And the boy was suspended from school and the parents were told
- 9:48he would not be allowed to return to school until the
- 9:52parents had obtained an evaluation by licensed
- 9:54professional. I wrote a similar story back
- 9:58when I was at Shaker Heights High School in 1977, and I got
- 10:02an award from the National Council of Teachers of English
- 10:05for that. They gave me their their highest
- 10:07honor for creative writing in a national competition for writing
- 10:12a story where people get blown up.
- 10:16That's part of what I mean when I say that school has become
- 10:18unfriendly to boys. There's a lot more to say about
- 10:21that. Second factor is video games
- 10:24really. Quick doctor sex before you go
- 10:26to the second factor that sounds like a teacher driven problem.
- 10:29Is that a teacher driven problem in your view teachers that are
- 10:33they don't comprehend, you know, young boys, they want to put
- 10:36them in a in sort of more treat them like girls or is that a
- 10:40curriculum problem? What do you think is underlying
- 10:42that? OK, so my book was not even the
- 10:471st edition of my book was not the first book to call attention
- 10:51to this growing gender gap. The first book to call attention
- 10:54to this was by Christina Hoff Sommers called The War Against
- 10:57Boys more than 20 years ago, and she asserts that the decline of
- 11:02boys is a left wing liberal conspiracy led by Hillary
- 11:05Clinton. Now I I really like Christina
- 11:08Hoff Sommers. I've shared a podium with her.
- 11:10She's a lot of fun to talk with and to listen to, but Hillary
- 11:15Clinton is not that well organized.
- 11:17The the decline of boys is not the result of a left wing
- 11:20liberal conspiracy. It's it's and the the school's
- 11:24becoming unfriendly to boys is not the result of a left wing
- 11:27liberal conspiracy. It's the result of good people
- 11:31with reasonable intentions making rational decisions, which
- 11:35had the unintended result of disengaging boys.
- 11:38Let me just very quickly illustrate one example.
- 11:41So as I mentioned, I grew up in northern Ohio.
- 11:43We get a lot of snow right off Lake Erie, lake effect snow
- 11:47during the winter months. When I was at Lomond Elementary
- 11:50School in Shaker Heights, OH, as a child, we would put on our
- 11:54jackets and go out on the playground during recess and
- 11:58lunch, and we'd throw snowballs at each other and the teachers
- 12:01would come out and join US. Students against teachers.
- 12:03I remember Mr. Albers was a great shot.
- 12:05Get you right between the eyes every time.
- 12:07Today, 2 boys start throwing snowballs at each other on
- 12:10school property during the school hours.
- 12:12The teacher's going to run out and say, what are you guys
- 12:14doing? You can't be doing that.
- 12:15You got to wait till after school and go somewhere else.
- 12:17No throwing of snowballs allowed on school property.
- 12:20And the unintended message that boys are getting is that your
- 12:24kind is not welcome here. Boys doing things that boys have
- 12:28always done. Pointing fingers at each other,
- 12:30saying bang, bang, you're dead. Drawing pictures of weapons,
- 12:34writing stories in which people get killed and throwing
- 12:37snowballs at each other. Boys doing things that boys have
- 12:39always done now gets you in trouble.
- 12:41That's part of what I mean when I say that schools have become
- 12:43unfriendly to boys. And there's a better way, which
- 12:46I first learned 20 years ago when I visited St.
- 12:49Andrews, a boys school north of Toronto, ON, where they have a
- 12:53very simple role. If you want to throw snowballs,
- 12:55go to the football field. The throwing of snowballs is
- 12:58prohibited everywhere on campus except on the football field
- 13:01where it is allowed. And if the entrance to a
- 13:03football field, there's a basket of goggles, you want to throw
- 13:05snowballs. You put on a pair of goggles and
- 13:08you can go and throw snowballs at one another to your heart's
- 13:11delight in bounds on the football field, out of bounds
- 13:15everywhere else. And that's a principle we found
- 13:18very useful, and we've deployed that at many American schools
- 13:20over the last 20 years with good effect.
- 13:23And some American schools have found it necessary to create a
- 13:27waiver indemnity holding the school harmless in the event
- 13:30that a kid is injured by a thrown snowball.
- 13:32That's fine. You have to do whatever you have
- 13:33to do to protect the school from liability.
- 13:36But don't prohibit the throwing of snowballs on school property.
- 13:40Why not a snowball throwing tournament when you get a
- 13:42Blizzard? Got a lot of snow on the ground?
- 13:44Have your P instructor set up a snowball throwing tournament a
- 13:47week from Monday after school. We're going to totally
- 13:51voluntary. We're going to put you in pairs,
- 13:53and in each pair you get three chances to hit the target.
- 13:56Whoever hits it more advances. Whoever doesn't sits down.
- 13:59And at the end of the day, we have one grand champion.
- 14:03When you sponsor such a tournament, a snowball throwing
- 14:05tournament, we found about 70% of the kids who turn up are
- 14:09boys, but about 30% of girls. Some girls love to throw
- 14:12snowballs, many boys don't. Gender is complicated, but
- 14:17gender matters. It's easy to make the school
- 14:20friendly to boys without making it unfriendly to girls.
- 14:23And again, when I lead workshops for teachers, I share strategies
- 14:26I've learned now from visiting more than 500 schools, some of
- 14:30which are doing this very well. Wow.
- 14:33All right, so next factor, factor #2 and we'll come back to
- 14:36the the masculinity question in schools in a moment too.
- 14:39Is video games and video games have really changed and I still
- 14:45find old people, which I mean people over 35, when they're
- 14:49think of video games, they're thinking of Pong or Pac-Man.
- 14:53And they they really haven't seen a game like RDR 2 or grand
- 14:59GTA5. They don't understand how real
- 15:03and vivid these worlds are. And I tell parents, imagine the
- 15:07best action movie, The best James Bond movie ever saw.
- 15:11Except you're not watching 1 actor pretend to kill another
- 15:14actor, you are James Bond. And if you have a 200 Watt
- 15:19subwoofer with 5.1 surround sound, when the mortar round
- 15:22lands near you, books were books will fall off your bookshelf in
- 15:27the room. It's that immersive.
- 15:30James Bond is immortal. He can never die.
- 15:32So that kind of undermines some of the tension because you know
- 15:35he will never die, but you will die.
- 15:37You'll probably die 20 times before you accomplish your
- 15:41mission in some of these video games.
- 15:43It's incredibly real. RDR 2, one of the greatest video
- 15:47games of all time and and extremely popular with American
- 15:50boys right now that stands for Red Dead Redemption two took
- 15:55over 700 took in over $700 million in its opening weekend.
- 16:00By comparison, Avatar 2009, still the number one movie all
- 16:05time grossing took it in about less than 80 million in its
- 16:08opening weekend. These movie, these video games
- 16:11are way bigger than Hollywood in terms of their earnings.
- 16:16They spend hundreds of millions of dollars to make these video
- 16:20games be immensely realistic and a boy, it takes 40 hours to
- 16:26complete all the to to complete RDR 2.
- 16:31And when you've done it, boys will tell you they really feel
- 16:34like they've accomplished something and they haven't.
- 16:39The video game ultimately is a lie.
- 16:41It's it's undermining their motivation to achieve in the
- 16:45real world. But hey, this has become a big
- 16:49part of the culture of American teenage boys.
- 16:53If you are the 1st in your group to finish all the missions in
- 16:56RDR 2 to complete the game, you absolutely want your friends to
- 17:00know that will greatly raise your status in the eyes of the
- 17:02other boys. If you get an A instead of AB on
- 17:06the Spanish final, you probably don't even want the other boys
- 17:08to know that could lower your status in the eyes of your peers
- 17:12because academic achievement, working hard to get a good mark
- 17:18is now seen as unmasculine by many boys.
- 17:20So yeah, the screens are a major factor.
- 17:23It's not the whole story, but it is one of five factors. 1/3
- 17:29factor are medications for attention deficit disorder.
- 17:33According to the latest data for the CDC, one in five teenage
- 17:37boys in the United States now is now on medication for ADD.
- 17:41And I can tell you in some communities it's a lot higher
- 17:43than that. And it turns out the medications
- 17:46which are most popular, Adderall, Vyvanse, Concerta,
- 17:49meditate, Focalin, Datrona, these medications damage the
- 17:53motivational center of the brain, the nucleus
- 17:55circumference. And you know, I was doing the
- 18:00Boys Adrift talk. The Boys Adrift Talk is a talk
- 18:02for parents where we go through each of the five factors and
- 18:04what parents can do to engage and motivate their son.
- 18:08And during question and answer, her father said, father said,
- 18:10you know, Doctor Sachs, I'm sorry, I can't, I can't take you
- 18:13seriously. You're claiming that Adderall
- 18:15and Vyvanse damaged the brain. He said if that were remotely
- 18:20true. And I interrupted him.
- 18:24I said, if that if that were remotely true, you would have
- 18:26heard about that before, right? From someone with better
- 18:28credentials than me, a family doctor, someone like Doctor
- 18:32Joseph Peterman, chief of pediatric psychiatry research at
- 18:36Harvard Medical School. And I then proceeded to show how
- 18:42Doctor Biederman admitted to taking millions of dollars for
- 18:47the drug company said he's never publicly disclosed in hearings
- 18:50conducted by Senator Chuck Grassley.
- 18:54And when Senator Grassley called in many leaders of child
- 18:58psychiatry and they all acknowledged taking this money.
- 19:02One, one of them, Charles Nemeroff, it might not have been
- 19:07Charles Nemeroff, but one of his, one of his guests, a
- 19:10leading psychiatrist was asked why you didn't disclose this.
- 19:13And he said basically, well, everybody does it.
- 19:15He didn't feel any need to disclose it because all he said
- 19:18all the leaders of child psychiatry do this.
- 19:21We take millions of dollars for the drug companies.
- 19:23We don't publicly disclose it. And that was very troubling
- 19:26because here you have that the leaders of American child
- 19:30psychiatry telling us it is standard for them to take
- 19:33millions of dollars to the drug companies to function as paid
- 19:36spokespersons for the drug companies and not to tell us.
- 19:39So that's a real problem. We've heard that before with
- 19:43other, with other drugs. I mean, I, we've covered birth
- 19:46control on the podcast before and the lies about that coming
- 19:48from even the medical establishment.
- 19:50So you it's not a surprising tale what you're describing
- 19:53with. ADHD and Boys Adrift.
- 19:55I provide 15 different scholarly references from Harvard Medical
- 20:00School. Ironically, among others,
- 20:02researchers at Harvard and other medical schools have found that
- 20:05these medications damaged the the motivational center of the
- 20:08brain, which is not surprising if you're no any neuroscience.
- 20:12These medications Adderall, Vyvanse, Concerta Medidate work
- 20:15by mimicking the action of dopamine.
- 20:18And we find the highest concentration of dopamine
- 20:20receptors in the nucleus accumbens.
- 20:23So it's not at all surprising that the area of the brain where
- 20:26we find all the dopamine receptors would be the area of
- 20:28the brain most affected by these medications.
- 20:32So that's a real problem because in this country and in Canada
- 20:38and in no other countries, it is common for doctors to say, well,
- 20:41let's try Vyvanse and see if it works.
- 20:44You know, I was, I actually spoke at Harvard Medical School.
- 20:47And I'm sorry, it was not Harvard Medical School, It was
- 20:50Harvard University where I spoke at a conference title, Learning
- 20:53and the Brain. And I would love to tell you
- 20:55that my presentation was the buzz of the conference, but it
- 20:58wasn't the presentation everyone was really excited about.
- 21:00It was a presentation by Doctor Joseph Gabrielli from MIT, who
- 21:04somehow got permission to give Adderall to normal kids and
- 21:08withhold medication from kids with severe ADD and then study
- 21:13the ability of kids in both groups to learn on and off
- 21:15medication. And he found that this stimulant
- 21:18medication helps normal kids more than it helps kids with
- 21:22ADD. That's a tremendously important
- 21:24finding because many times as a family doctor and PhD
- 21:27psychologist, I've been in this situation of saying to parents,
- 21:31look, your son doesn't meet criteria for ADD.
- 21:34He doesn't actually even come close.
- 21:36And the parents will say, yeah, but the other doctor gave him
- 21:38vaviance and it made such a difference.
- 21:40In other words, the parents are interpreting the response to
- 21:43medication as though the response to medication had some
- 21:45diagnostic significance. This medication was prescribed
- 21:48for ADD. It was helpful.
- 21:51Therefore he must have ADD, right?
- 21:53No. These medications help normal
- 21:55kids as much or more than they help kids with ADD.
- 21:59So the response to medication has no diagnostic significance.
- 22:03So what should you do if the school says your kid has ADD?
- 22:07What should you do if your kid really had does have ADD?
- 22:10An American kid is now 14 times more likely to be on medication
- 22:14for ADD compared to a kid in the United Kingdom.
- 22:17I I present all those data incidentally in my book The
- 22:20Collapse of Parenting. American kids are now many times
- 22:23more likely to be medicated than kids out nights outside North
- 22:26America, which wasn't true 30-40 years ago.
- 22:29It is true today. I wrote a book with a French
- 22:31publisher with great help from colleagues in France called
- 22:35Procuale Gossano Pede Pierre de FISA Metal Dolce.
- 22:38And writing that book with French colleagues, I learned
- 22:42that in all of France there are fewer than 6000 kids on
- 22:47medication for ADD. There are more kids on
- 22:49medication for ADD in Philadelphia than there are in
- 22:54all of France, a nation of 67 million people.
- 22:57In this country, medication is the first resort.
- 22:59Outside of North America, medication is the last resort.
- 23:03And incidentally, when you speak on this topic in Europe, as I
- 23:06have done in Munich, in Lutzanne and other venues, they're
- 23:11actually well aware of this, of the dangers of these
- 23:14medications. It's in North America that
- 23:18doctors and parents are unfamiliar with the dangers of
- 23:21these medications. So.
- 23:24So these medications damage the motivational center of the
- 23:26brain. That's a big problem.
- 23:28Fourth factors Endocrine disruptors 1.
- 23:30Quick question, Doctor Sachs, I know I keep interrupting about
- 23:33there's such so much food for thought in each of these factors
- 23:36on that factor of these medications.
- 23:38You know, America's we also have the the reputation of we love
- 23:42our drugs, right? We're one of the most drugged up
- 23:44societies in the world. And you mentioned for ADHD kids
- 23:47that don't have ADHD, it can have the effect these
- 23:50medications of improving their study skills, but they're all
- 23:54but at the same time you're saying it's demotivating them.
- 23:57So it's helping them complete like a robot homework,
- 24:00exercises, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're
- 24:03learning. Is that your critique?
- 24:05No, that's not accurate. They're learning and again,
- 24:11these medications boost kids ability to learn in the short
- 24:17term. And again, many parents will be
- 24:22like wow, you know, so a another family where I was consulted,
- 24:30parents were absolutely convinced that of course their
- 24:34son had ADD because doctor prescribed Vyvanse and mom got a
- 24:38phone call from the school Monday afternoon.
- 24:40He took his first dose Monday morning, and Monday afternoon,
- 24:44teacher called and said, wow, I had no idea.
- 24:47Justin is so bright, so clever. What a difference.
- 24:50And he said he's on a new medication.
- 24:51It's really helping. And then I do my evaluation.
- 24:55I said, your son doesn't have ADD.
- 24:56And mom's like, well, that's ridiculous.
- 24:58This medication has been enormously helpful.
- 25:00The teacher, all the teachers agree he's doing so much better.
- 25:03Yeah. Well, why is he doing so much
- 25:05better? So I spoke to this boy, and I
- 25:07said, do you have a video game console in your bedroom?
- 25:10Yeah, of course. We are playing last night.
- 25:12Yeah, sure. What are you playing?
- 25:14Call of Duty, when did you finish like 130 and when do you
- 25:19wake up? Six.
- 25:20He's trying to function on less than five hours sleep a night.
- 25:24He and he's doing this night after night after night.
- 25:27He is profoundly sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation perfectly
- 25:31mimics ADHD of the inattentive variety.
- 25:34There is no counter scale. There is no Vanderbilt interview
- 25:37which can distinguish the kid who's not paying because he's
- 25:40sleep deprived and the kid who's not paying attention because he
- 25:44is truly has ADHD. And you'll have a stack of
- 25:48Connors reports from the school. Every teacher says this kid is
- 25:51off the chart inattentive, and he's he is because he's falling
- 25:55asleep. He's barely staying awake in
- 25:57class. What's Adderall?
- 25:59What's Vyvanse? They're amphetamines.
- 26:02They they're uppers, they're speed.
- 26:04They compensate. Caffeine jolt in the morning.
- 26:06It's it's much, much, much stronger than caffeine.
- 26:10And yeah, it compensates for the sleep deprivation.
- 26:13I'm not disputing the fact that this was medication was
- 26:16enormously helpful. I'm sure it was.
- 26:18But the appropriate remedy for sleep deprivation is sleep, not
- 26:23schedule 2 amphetamines. And the parents finally agreed
- 26:27to remove the video game console from the bedroom to ensure that
- 26:31there were no screens, no video games in the bedroom.
- 26:35He's getting a good night's sleep, he's off medication, and
- 26:37he's doing much better. But again, many parents don't
- 26:41even have a clue that their son is up at 2:00 in the morning
- 26:44playing video games. And that gets into topic I
- 26:47discuss in my book, the collapse of parenting.
- 26:50It's it's a primary responsibility of parents to
- 26:53ensure that their 14 year old is getting a good night's sleep.
- 26:56It is not reasonable to put that burden on the 14 year old boy.
- 27:00What's the boy supposed to say when his friends say, hey, where
- 27:03were you last night at midnight? When we did, when we did the the
- 27:06collaborative ambush on World of Warcraft?
- 27:08Why weren't you part of that? Is was supposed to say?
- 27:11Well, researchers have found the sleep deprivation in adolescence
- 27:13is a major risk factor in the ideology of both anxiety and
- 27:16depression. You know, you can't do that.
- 27:18You have to say, hey, my evil parents took my video game
- 27:20console out of my bedroom. They lock it down between 9:00
- 27:23AM. After 9:00 PM, you have to allow
- 27:28your son to say that. You have to have the courage to
- 27:31be the evil parent. Recognizing that American
- 27:33popular culture now makes it cool to be up at midnight
- 27:37playing video games with your friends online.
- 27:40So the parents have to step in and find the courage to turn off
- 27:44the device. And that's actually more a focus
- 27:47of my book, The Collapse of Parenting.
- 27:48What happens when parents don't do their job?
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- 29:15miminimiskincare.com. All right, very good factors,
- 29:204:00 and 5:00. Factor 4, so factor 4 is
- 29:24endocrine disruptors. Male hormone levels have dropped
- 29:27by half over the last, more than half over the last 50 years.
- 29:30Sperm counts have fallen by more than half over the last 50
- 29:33years, and that's happened because of endocrine disruptors.
- 29:38So you have a plastic, you have a, you have a bottled water in a
- 29:42clear plastic container. That clear plastic is a
- 29:45substance called polyethylene terephthalate.
- 29:47And I showed in a paper published by the National
- 29:50Institutes of Health, a review article that I wrote pulling
- 29:55together many studies showing that that plastic is going to
- 30:00leach diethyphthalate and antimony into the water.
- 30:05It doesn't have a taste. You don't realize it, but you
- 30:08are consuming substances that act in your body like female
- 30:11hormone when you drink bottled water.
- 30:14What happens when children are teenagers consume substances
- 30:17that act like female hormones? Well, the answer is different
- 30:20depending whether we're talking about girls or boys.
- 30:22With girls, you get an earlier onset of puberty.
- 30:26More than half of American girls now begin puberty prior to their
- 30:3010th birthday, the process of puberty prior to their 10th
- 30:34birthday. And that directly leads to
- 30:37anxiety and depression among girls with early onset of
- 30:40puberty. And that's a major focus of my
- 30:42book Girls on the Edge. But it doesn't accelerate the
- 30:45onset of puberty and boys on the country and lowers testosterone
- 30:49levels. And it turns out that teenage
- 30:51boys and young men rely on testosterone for drive.
- 30:54And I cite 10 different studies in boys at draft showing that
- 30:58when you look at motivated, hard working young men and compare
- 31:02them to less motivated, lazy young men, that motivated, hard
- 31:05working young men have higher testosterone levels.
- 31:08Men rely on testosterone for drive.
- 31:10Women do not. When the same researchers look
- 31:13at women who are hard working, motivated and compare and draw
- 31:16blood on them and compare what they find to women who are less
- 31:19motivated, there's no difference in hormone levels.
- 31:22Women do not rely on hormones for drive and motivation, but
- 31:25men do. They rely on testosterone and
- 31:28five valve with the hydrotestosterone and those
- 31:31levels have dropped dramatically as a result of endocrine
- 31:33disruptors. And the result that is a that is
- 31:38a factor and it's a very easy factor to to fix.
- 31:43Don't drink water out of a plastic bottle.
- 31:45Pour water into a steel canteen as I do and drink it from the
- 31:50from from your tap into a steel canteen.
- 31:52It happens to be a lot cheaper and it's a lot safer.
- 31:59Again, I'm old enough to remember when condiments like
- 32:01ketchup and mayonnaise were sold in glass bottles.
- 32:05Today they're sold in plastic bottles.
- 32:07Same with pasta sauce. When you when the manufacturer
- 32:11squirts pasta sauce into a container, it's squirted at
- 32:17about 170°F. It's at a very high temperature
- 32:20because it has to be sterile. Well, if you do that in a glass
- 32:24bottle, it's not a problem. You do that in a plastic bottle
- 32:27and you're greatly going to promote leaching of these
- 32:31endocrine disruptors like dothyhalate into the contents of
- 32:34the bottle. And American kids are drinking
- 32:37bottled water. They're consuming ketchup,
- 32:41mustard, pasta sauce, and many cosmetics are vectors of
- 32:48endocrine disruptors. So again, it costs little or
- 32:50nothing to eliminate endocrine disruptors from your life.
- 32:54It's really not that much more expensive to buy ketchup in a
- 32:58glass bottle. You can find it.
- 33:00It's a few pennies more. Ketchup's not really that
- 33:02expensive and it's worth it. And that's what that's what we
- 33:07do in our family. We buy things in glass bottles.
- 33:10And when you say things, you don't just mean food, but you
- 33:13also mean, it sounds like soap or products that you apply
- 33:16directly to the skin. Or is that?
- 33:18And again, again, that's real easy.
- 33:20The Environmental Working groupewg.org/skin Deep is a free
- 33:25resource. You just type in what you're
- 33:27looking for and it'll show you what products are safe and what
- 33:30products are not. Again, it doesn't cost much or
- 33:34anything to greatly reduce your kids exposure to endocrine
- 33:40disruptors. Don't microwave in plastic.
- 33:43I mean, you go through the frozen food aisle and they want
- 33:45you to microwave your food in the plastic bag, which we know
- 33:50is immensely toxic and all kinds of toxins are leaching into your
- 33:56into your food. Cut open the plastic, put it in
- 33:58a dish and microwave. It takes, you know, 30 seconds
- 34:02and it's much, much, much safer. Again, it's easy to do this.
- 34:07I also reference a book that presents the same material in in
- 34:13a very fun way. The book is called Slow Death by
- 34:17Rubber Duck and these two Canadians set out to see if they
- 34:22could reverse it by for a month, being very careful not to
- 34:28consume anything that was full of endocrine disruptors, and
- 34:32within a month's time all their hormone levels came back to
- 34:34normal. You can fix this.
- 34:36It costs very little to do it. Slow Death by Rubber Duck.
- 34:41Great fun. Well, Doctor Sachs, what about
- 34:43plastic lining? And you know, to go coffee cups
- 34:46as an example. Yeah, not a good idea.
- 34:51Again, make your coffee in your Brewer and put it in a steel
- 34:55container and you will be fine. It's not hard to do it right.
- 34:59It's not hard to do it right. But stay away from plastic.
- 35:03And then the 5th factor is the revenge of the forsaken gods.
- 35:09And I always try to acknowledge my patient in my own medical
- 35:15practice. Who suggested that title.
- 35:18His name is Anders Eckloff and he is an amateur anthropologist.
- 35:23He reads a lot of anthropology and we were talking about how so
- 35:28many traditional societies in the in the South Pacific and
- 35:32sub-Saharan Africa, the boy does not become a man automatically.
- 35:40He has to earn it, and the parents have to make sacrifices
- 35:45to the relevant gods to ensure that their son will make that
- 35:48transition to manhood And and he might not.
- 35:52He may fail at the task, in which case he remains a boy.
- 35:56He may. In some of these communities,
- 35:58you'll find males who are 40 years old, but they're not
- 36:02allowed to marry. They can't own property they
- 36:04had. They never pass the test to
- 36:07become men and my patient Anders Eckloff suggested that we live
- 36:13in a society which is experiencing the revenge of the
- 36:16forsaken gods. We no longer take that process
- 36:20of becoming a man seriously and the result is we have men who
- 36:25want to be boys, adult men who are spending their free time
- 36:28playing video games with their 12 year old nephews.
- 36:34The more scholarly way to describe that fifth factor would
- 36:38be the collapse in the social construction of masculinity 50
- 36:43years ago. If you were to say to boy be a
- 36:45man, he knew exactly what that meant because he was immersed in
- 36:48a culture with, you know, movies starring men like Paul Newman
- 36:54and Sidney Poitier and Gary Cooper.
- 36:57And it was clear what it meant to be a man.
- 36:59It meant to be courageous, to be willing to sacrifice yourself
- 37:03for for the good of others, to be a hero.
- 37:08I was speaking at Wabash College in Crawfordsville IN one of the
- 37:12few remaining all male colleges in the United States.
- 37:15And with after consulting with the college leadership, I met
- 37:20with all the freshmen at Wabash College and and it was back and
- 37:25forth conversation. I said to them, what does it
- 37:28mean to be a gentleman? Raise your hand if you think you
- 37:31know what the word gentleman means.
- 37:33If you'd care to share your definition of what it means to
- 37:36be a gentleman. And a boy shot up his hand and
- 37:39he said being a gentleman means you go to gentlemen's clubs and
- 37:42watch girls take their clothes off.
- 37:43I said OK, that's that's really funny.
- 37:45Can anyone else give a more serious?
- 37:48Can anyone else give a more serious definition?
- 37:50And another boy says, well, gentlemen, where's a three piece
- 37:52suit? A gentleman opens doors for
- 37:54women. It's all surface, it's all
- 37:57appearance. And I don't blame these boys.
- 37:59How should they know if they have received no instruction?
- 38:02What does it mean to be a good man?
- 38:05Again, when I do this talk for parents, I talk about TV shows
- 38:09of of a generation ago, like The Andy Griffith Show, and compare
- 38:16that to TV shows today like The Simpsons or Modern Family, The
- 38:22presentation of the father in American television.
- 38:30You look at all the most popular TV shows of 50 years ago or even
- 38:3330 years ago. The father is consistently
- 38:35knowledgeable, competent, reliable, responsible, not only
- 38:39on The Andy Griffith Show or My Three Sons in the 1960s, but
- 38:43even on The Cosby Show or Family Ties in the 1980s.
- 38:48But in writing my book, The Collapse of Parenting, I've
- 38:50reviewed the 150 most popular shows to see how many of them
- 38:55occasionally, at least occasionally, depict a father as
- 38:58knowledgeable, competent, reliable, responsible.
- 39:00Out of 150 shows, I found one, Blue Bloods, starring Tom
- 39:04Selleck, which at least occasionally depicts a father.
- 39:07One out of 150, Blue Bloods is now a unique outlier.
- 39:11It is not characteristic. Again, Modern Family would be
- 39:14much more typical. Dog with a blog Disney Channel
- 39:19show the father, supposedly a school psychologist, knows
- 39:22nothing about what kids want or what kids need the talking dog
- 39:25is always wiser, more insightful than the idiot dad.
- 39:31Boys need to see a man in order to become a man and our our
- 39:39culture no longer offers good role models again. 1962 Sam
- 39:44Cooke had a number one hit song in the United States.
- 39:46He sang Don't know much about history.
- 39:48He sang. Now I don't claim to be an A
- 39:50student, but I'm trying to be because maybe by being an A
- 39:54student baby, I could win your love for me.
- 39:57He goes on to mention French, geometry and trigonometry as
- 40:00subjects in which he's going to try harder to earn an A rather
- 40:03than AB because he believes it. By being an A student, he will
- 40:06raise his status in the eyes of the pretty girl.
- 40:08And that was characteristic of American culture in that era.
- 40:13A generation ago, American popular culture that keep
- 40:15culture people who spoke English at home was the culture of John
- 40:18Lennon, Paul McCartney, Simon and Garfunkel.
- 40:22Not anymore. Now it's the culture of Drake
- 40:25and Bruno Mars. Drake has had more top 10 songs
- 40:30than anyone else in American history.
- 40:32He had 79 top ten hit songs compared to 40 something for
- 40:37Taylor Swift. And his songs are full of the F
- 40:40word, the N word, the A word. He says I'm undoubtedly the
- 40:45hottest. That's just me being modest.
- 40:47My balls bigger than yours. And I can't quote any of the
- 40:50rest of that number one hit song because it's full of the F word,
- 40:53the N word and the A word. Incidentally, the New York
- 40:57Times, in reviewing that song play, praised Drake for his
- 41:00lyrical vividness. Drake, Bruno Mars, Eminem, Lil
- 41:08Nas X Lil Nas X had a number one hit song in the United states.
- 41:12He got two Grammys where he said can't nobody tell me nothing,
- 41:17you can't tell me nothing. And that's the culture of
- 41:20disrespect in the nutshell. The opening chapter of my book,
- 41:23The Collapse of Parenting is titled the culture of disrespect
- 41:26That American popular culture has become a culture of
- 41:28disrespect where it's cool and funny to be disrespectful to
- 41:33others, to be disrespectful to adults.
- 41:36The culture of Lil Nas X, Drake and Bruno Mars.
- 41:41It is impossible to imagine Drake or Bruno Mars singing a
- 41:44song about how they're going to try harder to earn an A rather
- 41:47than AB. It's just, it's, it's
- 41:48inconceivable. And that's.
- 41:51Probably part of that world adjacent like I think about the
- 41:54red pill world. I'm sure you've heard of it, but
- 41:55it's, you know, this whole idea of simping for a woman, like how
- 41:58dare you try to be better for a woman.
- 42:01Women are all messed up today and they're not really worth it
- 42:05at large is the is the narrative, which, you know, I
- 42:07can understand the the perspective because you know,
- 42:10we're to focusing on men right now, but there's a degrading
- 42:12process that's happened in the behavior and and also, I would
- 42:16just say in the in the health of women today at large.
- 42:19Well, boys want to be men, Men and girls want to be women, but
- 42:22we no longer give them guidance. I read an article years ago for
- 42:27Psychology Today titled Ladies and Gentlemen, Skanks and Pimps,
- 42:32and I was commenting on a New York Times article where one of
- 42:36their columnist said how offended she was when her young
- 42:39son came home from school and said that the teacher had told
- 42:42them about being ladies and gentlemen.
- 42:44And the New York Times columnist was so offended.
- 42:47Ladies and gentlemen, that's so sexist, she said.
- 42:50We shouldn't be using terms like that.
- 42:52We should just teach all students to be good citizens
- 42:55because, ladies and gentlemen, is reinforcing the
- 42:57heteronormative binary and, and only, only, only Republicans and
- 43:02idiots believe in the heteronormative binary.
- 43:05Enlightened people know better, was the point of this New York
- 43:08Times columnist. And it was around that time that
- 43:132 high school boys in Steubenville, OH, were on trial
- 43:20for rape. A girl had passed out at a party
- 43:24and they had sexually assaulted her.
- 43:27And everyone thought this was fine.
- 43:29Other kids were videoing it because they thought it was
- 43:31funny. And Mike Dewine, who was the at
- 43:37that time attorney general of Ohio prosecuting the case, said
- 43:39he encountered unbelievable casualness as he interviewed
- 43:44these kids and the witnesses, no awareness that they'd done
- 43:47anything wrong. Boys are not born knowing what
- 43:50they mean to what it means to be a gentleman.
- 43:53A gentleman would know that you never touch a girl when she's
- 43:56drunk, that you protect her from any bad.
- 44:00Men who don't know that when you fail to teach boys to be
- 44:05gentlemen, you don't end up with virtuous citizens.
- 44:08You end up with pimps. And when you fail to teach girls
- 44:13to be ladies, you don't end up with virtual citizens, you end
- 44:17up with skanks. Hence the title of my article.
- 44:20Ladies and gentlemen, Skanks and Pimps.
- 44:23If you ignore gender differences, again responding to
- 44:27that New York Times column, you don't end up with virtuous
- 44:29citizens. You end up with boys who think
- 44:32there's nothing wrong with molesting a teenage girl who
- 44:34just passed out on alcohol, and the girls who get drunk on
- 44:39alcohol and don't know how to say no, so everybody loses.
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- 45:36Everyone has is losing. I mean, that's the state today
- 45:39and why this conversation and your work is so important.
- 45:42You, you, you've referenced it a little bit or you've, you've
- 45:45kind of tiptoed towards it, you know, on the sexual ethics
- 45:47issues, but you know, pornography has just
- 45:50proliferated in the last few decades.
- 45:52What impact do you think that has had on men and their
- 45:56masculinity and flourishing and then also their relationships?
- 46:01Well, you're absolutely right. It's huge and it, and I devote a
- 46:04lot more the second edition to Boys Adrift talking about it
- 46:07because again, a lot of parents don't understand how profoundly
- 46:10this has changed, how normal it has become.
- 46:16So I was at, I was invited to speak at a boys high school to
- 46:21the boys on this topic. And I said again, when I when I
- 46:27meet with the students, it's always question and answer, even
- 46:29in a large assembly. So I said, all right, why don't
- 46:34you raise your hand if you have at least 1000 porn photos or
- 46:38videos on your devices and basically every hand in the room
- 46:41goes up. 400 kids 400, yes, every hand.
- 46:46Then I said, all right, raise your hand.
- 46:47If you don't have any porn on any device in a room of 400
- 46:53kids, three hands go up. I said, OK, you 3 who have your
- 46:57hands raised, would any of you be willing to share with your
- 47:01colleagues? For what reason you don't have
- 47:03any porn on your device? And one boy raised his hand.
- 47:07He said, well, I'm a born again Christian.
- 47:09I don't Jesus Christ, my Lord and savior, I don't think you'd
- 47:12want me to do that. And the other two boys sitting
- 47:14together said, well, we're Mormon and we're not allowed.
- 47:18OK, well, they have an excuse. They're Mormon.
- 47:21They're evangelical. I don't actually believe the
- 47:24other 400 boys. I don't believe that all of
- 47:26those 400 boys have at least 1000 porn photos and videos.
- 47:29But that's the new normal. That's you're going to raise
- 47:33your hand and say you do even if you don't, because that's a new
- 47:36normal. And the school administrators
- 47:37had asked me to come and speak to the boys because in carline
- 47:40waiting to be picked up, they're all looking at porn and showing
- 47:43it to their friends. And then and there's no shame,
- 47:47there's no awareness that a gentleman doesn't look at porn.
- 47:50And again, I lead these conversations with students,
- 47:54ideally in a smaller group than 400, where I say just a good
- 47:57man, look at porn. And I just hear what that.
- 48:00Well, of course, you know why? What's wrong?
- 48:01No one's getting hurt. And but again, I've worked out
- 48:05with the school leadership in advance, of course, how we're
- 48:07going to structure this. And you need to get the
- 48:09permission of the school leadership because you don't
- 48:11want the boy coming home and saying, hey, mom, guess what we
- 48:13talked about in school today without the parents being aware
- 48:16and on board Why this is so important and where I'm leading
- 48:21this conversation toward is, no, a good man does not look at
- 48:25pornography because pornography degrades not only the woman
- 48:29depicted, but also the man who consumes.
- 48:34You're trying to inspire boys to want to be better men.
- 48:37You know, for all of human history of which we have any
- 48:40recorded record, the sex drive has been a powerful motivator
- 48:45for men. And men have been motivated to
- 48:48achieve in the real world in order to impress the young woman
- 48:52and say, look, I can be a good provider.
- 48:54Let's start a family together. And I'll be a good provider and
- 48:57we'll have kids together. And it's going to be great,
- 49:00'cause I 'cause I'm strong and accomplished and I can do stuff.
- 49:04Pornography profoundly undermines that.
- 49:07Let me just quickly give you one example.
- 49:11So mom confronts her son one day.
- 49:13Again, an example for my own medical practice.
- 49:15Mom confronts her son. She says, what's the story?
- 49:19You wake up late every morning. You work a few hours a week at
- 49:21the coffee shop. You're 28 years old.
- 49:25You don't have a career yet. You don't.
- 49:28You don't have a life. You don't have a girlfriend.
- 49:31And he said, well, I used to have a girlfriend.
- 49:33Then she found out I only worked a few hours a week at Starbucks.
- 49:35She dumped me. And mom was like, well, duh.
- 49:38What young woman wants to be a with a man who's got no ambition
- 49:41beyond earning money for his, his, his video games?
- 49:47She insisted he come speak with me.
- 49:50So he did. And I asked him to tell me about
- 49:53his girlfriend and he said, yeah, she was fat.
- 49:57She wanted me to take her places, do stuff. 1995 a month.
- 50:02I said wait what? What?
- 50:03What's 1995 a month? I don't follow.
- 50:05And he mentioned a porn site and he said and the girls are way
- 50:08prettier. I said wait those aren't girls,
- 50:11those are pictures on a screen, pixels.
- 50:13Wouldn't you rather be intimate with an actual woman?
- 50:16He said no, that's becoming more and more common.
- 50:21Any 12 year old has in his pocket unlimited pornography.
- 50:28Any, any smartphone can access unlimited porn.
- 50:31You don't need a credit card. I'm I'm told you don't need a
- 50:34credit card. You don't need You just say
- 50:36you're 18 and you're in. And it is changing the lived
- 50:45experience of American boys in profound ways.
- 50:49I'm hearing from Deans of students at universities who are
- 50:54saying our dance, we're canceling it because the boys
- 50:57aren't showing up. They're not asking girls out.
- 51:00They'd rather stay in their dorm room and masturbate over
- 51:04pornography rather than take the time and trouble to ask a girl
- 51:08out. When you actually meet with the
- 51:09boys. They'll also talk about me too,
- 51:11and how scared they are that their lives are going to be
- 51:13ruined if they touch a girl the wrong way.
- 51:15So the boys have all kinds of excuses, but the point is the
- 51:20pornography is profoundly undermining motivation, and
- 51:26that's why parents have to lock it down.
- 51:29Again, going back to my book, The Collapse of Parenting, if
- 51:35you're a parent, you've got to install an app on your son's
- 51:38device that limits, blocks porn. And so another school did
- 51:47something very courageous and there's a school where I
- 51:49visited. They asked all the parents, this
- 51:54is another boy's high school. All boys asked the parents, how
- 51:59often does your son look at porn?
- 52:01This is a high school. How often does your son look at
- 52:03porn? Never once a month, once a week,
- 52:07more than once a week, every day.
- 52:10More than 80% of the parents said never.
- 52:13My son never looks at porn. They then asked the boys at the
- 52:16same high school, how often do you look at porn?
- 52:19Never once a month, once a week, more than once a week, every
- 52:24day. More than 80% of the boys said
- 52:26more than once a week or every day.
- 52:28It was very courageous for the parent for the school to share
- 52:31that with the parents because it's a, you know, private school
- 52:36world is a competitive world. And the danger of telling
- 52:38parents that more than 80% of the boys at the school are
- 52:40looking at porn frequently is some parents might say, oh, the
- 52:44all perverts at these school, I'm going to transfer my kid to
- 52:46the other school where they're probably more virtuous.
- 52:49In fact, you would find the same numbers everywhere is my
- 52:52experience having discussed this with boys at many different
- 52:55schools across the United States.
- 52:58Where are the kids? They at part of that survey they
- 53:01asked the boys, where are you looking at porn?
- 53:02They're all looking at porn on their phone.
- 53:04What proportion of the kids parents have installed any kind
- 53:08of app to in any way limit porn on the device?
- 53:13Only 4%. And a lot of parents are
- 53:15skeptical. They'll be like, oh come on,
- 53:18what's the point of installing the the app?
- 53:21I'm sure my son will just get around it.
- 53:23So 1 popular app is called Net nanny.
- 53:25I've done a lot of events across Silicon Valley, actually met
- 53:28with employees and then nanny because a parent will say my kid
- 53:32will just Google. How do I get to run parental
- 53:34controls on that nanny? And, and they'll, they'll be
- 53:36around it. And I, I spoke to employees in
- 53:39their nanny and they told me they have colleagues whose full
- 53:42time job is to Google the phrase how do I get around parental
- 53:45controls on that nanny? And that if they found a kid has
- 53:48found a hole, they patch it usually within hours.
- 53:51I do encourage parents to install parental monitoring apps
- 53:55on any device with Internet access and explain to your son,
- 53:59explain to your daughter. Look, my parents insisted on
- 54:01knowing where I was at all times.
- 54:02I have to know where you are at all times.
- 54:04It's part of my job as your parent.
- 54:06I'm going to see everything you're doing online and, and,
- 54:09and daughter, if I see that you've taken a picture that's
- 54:13inappropriate, you're going to lose the device and, and the app
- 54:17will detect the picture before anything's even done with it.
- 54:21And, and you have to do this to because your kids are immersed
- 54:26in a toxic culture. American popular culture right
- 54:28now is a toxic culture where it's cool for girls to be
- 54:32skanks, where it's cool for boys to be disrespectful and defiant.
- 54:37That's a toxic culture. It's not the culture of 30 years
- 54:39ago or 50 years ago. It's changed in some really bad
- 54:42ways. And parents need to be on their
- 54:45guard. You know, the original title of
- 54:46my book, The Collapse of Parenting, which I'd like to
- 54:50mention was a New York Times bestseller.
- 54:52The original title of that book, the title of the manuscript I
- 54:54sent to the publisher was The Collapse of American Parenting
- 54:58and the subtitle was Why Most Kids would now Be Better Off
- 55:00Raised Outside North America. Wow.
- 55:03Well non celebrities don't get to choose your title but they
- 55:06did leave in most of the material including the chapter
- 55:08where I show that American kids are now 10/20/30 times more
- 55:12likely to be diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADD
- 55:16compared to kids outside North America.
- 55:18So, Doctor Sox, I hate to interrupt you because this is
- 55:21all gold. I mean, everyone needs to get
- 55:23your books. We're going to have to have you
- 55:24back in the podcast because I know we just have a few minutes
- 55:27left here in the time we have remaining.
- 55:29I think you've done a phenomenal job of laying out it is a mess.
- 55:32It's a toxic wasteland, as you called it.
- 55:35You've shared some really powerful recommendations for
- 55:37what parents and adults can do to help the young people in
- 55:40their lives. You know, you talked about phone
- 55:42controls. You talked about ditch the water
- 55:44or the plastic packaging. Can you give a few more concrete
- 55:48recommendations, especially when it comes to school?
- 55:50Because I feel like that's one that's maybe out of a lot of
- 55:53parents immediate hands. If their kids are in school,
- 55:55they're not homeschooling. How do you make it maximized or
- 55:59optimized for boys with the existing structures that most
- 56:03people are dealing with? Well, if, if your boy is not
- 56:07engaged, not motivated, you have to determine, is this school
- 56:11unfriendly to boys? You know, again, as a family
- 56:13doctor and PhD psychologist, often I have been asked to
- 56:17evaluate this boy and, and we'll look at the reports from the
- 56:20school and I'll spend one or two sessions with the boy.
- 56:25And sometimes you'll discover the problems not with the boy,
- 56:28but with the school. And the solution is not to
- 56:31medicate the boy, but to change the school.
- 56:34And you may have. To look for in a school.
- 56:36Well, what's a boy friendly school?
- 56:40Very, very quickly. Look to see the numbers.
- 56:44Look at the honor roll at a Coed school.
- 56:46The honor roll should be roughly 5050 boys and girls.
- 56:49If you find as I did at 1 middle school, I visited 19 girls and
- 56:53three boys, and those three boys are the sons of recent
- 56:57immigrants from East Asia. You have no white, black, or
- 57:01Latino boys on the honor roll at all at a school that's primarily
- 57:05white, black, and Latino with a few Asian immigrants.
- 57:09That's a problem. That's not a boyfriendly school,
- 57:12and you may need to move. You know, my wife and I moved
- 57:14from Maryland to Pennsylvania, sold my practice in Maryland and
- 57:17moved to Pennsylvania because we were unhappy with the choice of
- 57:19schools available. Your kids have to be your top
- 57:21priority. And if you have to move, you
- 57:23have to move. But some other quick tips, you
- 57:25have to prioritize the family. The parent child relationship is
- 57:30more important than the kids relationships with same age
- 57:34peers. Cancel the play date, make a
- 57:36family date instead. No earbuds, no headsets in the
- 57:39car. When you're in the car, you
- 57:41should be listening to your kid and he should be listening to
- 57:43you, not to Bruno Mars or Lil Nas X Prioritize the family
- 57:49fight for supper together. Again, there's there's lots more
- 57:53in my books, Boys Adrift and The Collapse of Parenting
- 57:55specifically on those topics. Thank you, Doctor Sachs.
- 57:59Well, we definitely need to have you back on because there's so
- 58:01much more to discuss here, but I think this has been excellent,
- 58:04and I so appreciate the work you're doing.
- 58:06It's very countercultural. You know, a lot of people, I
- 58:08think, consider some of the things that you're saying very
- 58:11unorthodox or heterodox views, but they're so necessary for
- 58:15people to know. So thank you so much.
- 58:17Thanks again for inviting me. Thanks so much for listening to
- 58:21this episode of the Lila Rose Podcast.
- 58:23I think I said the word wow many times because what he was saying
- 58:27was all true. It's, you know, not really
- 58:29something that's contested or can be contested, but it also
- 58:33has serious implications for, OK, what do we do next?
- 58:35And so we got into some of that. I think there's a lot more to
- 58:38get into in his books he addresses that has a lot of
- 58:40practical solutions. So be sure to check them out.
- 58:43They're great books, especially Boys Adrift, which is what we
- 58:46deep dive today. We will be hopefully having
- 58:49Doctor Sachs back on the podcast in the future to discuss these
- 58:53topics. More especially I'm interested
- 58:55in the collapse of parenting and his concrete advice for parents.
- 58:59I mean, I'm a parent of young kids as you guys know.
- 59:02I've got a 2 year old and almost 4 year old one on the way.
- 59:04Many of you listening are parents or you care about kids.
- 59:07You have nieces or nephews. So this is the big question.
- 59:09What do we do with the next generation?
- 59:11How do we raise them to be strong men and women that will
- 59:14be the future leaders of our society to make it healthy
- 59:17again? This project is possible.
- 59:20It is the most urgent and important one, I believe.
- 59:23And it's one of the reasons that inspired this podcast, quite
- 59:25frankly, is exploring these topics.
- 59:27So thanks so much for listening. As always, don't forget to
- 59:30subscribe to the Lila Rose podcast and leave us a review.
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- 59:49And if you're listening on YouTube, watching on YouTube,
- 59:52thanks for being here. I really appreciate you guys.
- 59:54I love getting the comments. I love engaging with all of you.
- 59:57Please continue to leave that comment, ring the bell, the
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