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WHY ARE WE SO STUBBORN? · Spinning the Light Podcast

0:00
Hello and welcome to two girls in a pod.
0:01
I'm Sharon. Hi, I'm Christy.
0:04
Always excited to be back. Oh yeah.
0:08
You know, as always, we always have these conversations, you
0:10
know, and and one of the conversations we've always had
0:13
is why are we so stubborn? I hear that I am, but I don't
0:18
believe it. Well, let me tell you no.
0:23
We would call it cavezuda or queres Cavezuda.
0:29
We're stubborn people. I I I don't know if it's by
0:31
nature that we have that stubbornness or what it is, and
0:37
it's that stubbornness to not learn a message.
0:40
I mean, how many times do we have to be hit in the head with
0:44
something? We can be beaten over the head
0:47
with something that, you know, when you're kind of set in your
0:49
ways. That's just I guess, how it is.
0:53
And I think that we're all kind of that way.
0:56
You know, we have all these. Influences and that and we just
1:00
kind of and we were talking about when we were talking about
1:03
that like the things like when we look back on our life, what
1:06
are some of those things that we were stubborn about that we
1:09
really didn't need to be stubborn about, you know, and
1:12
you were talking you know, for you.
1:14
Yeah, I mean, I think for me being stubborn, I don't say that
1:21
easily. Although I do come by, honestly,
1:24
I have to say, I hear that my grandmother's, my grandmother
1:28
was pretty stubborn. That was that.
1:31
Took you a hot minute, huh? Yes, but I just I think that
1:36
part of it for me was or is I still struggle with is kind of
1:42
coming into my own you know I want to I'm stubborn about some
1:46
things I guess because I don't feel like I.
1:52
Really had a voice to do that when I was younger.
1:56
I just feel like that you know I want things to be a certain way
2:02
and then I just, you know, I'm I'm stuck there.
2:07
I guess that's what what happens.
2:09
So but I felt like you know when I was younger it was like
2:12
whatever whatever mom said was what it was.
2:16
And I mean, you know, I I guess that's.
2:20
What it is with parents, but it's my way or the highway.
2:26
Well, you know, I think there is that.
2:27
I think that sometimes we, you know, maybe as children we dig
2:31
our heels in because we want to be right about one thing, just
2:33
one thing. Just let me be right about one
2:36
thing. And often times we're not.
2:39
Maybe that's what it is, but it, you know, then we get into
2:42
adulthood and I feel like we do the same thing.
2:48
Well, I think we get so used to doing things a certain way and
2:51
that and then so it's kind of hard to create a new way of
2:56
thinking. So you know I just think that we
3:00
get stuck in a wreck kind of well and I guess it's that those
3:04
patterns, you know I tell people always, you know we we live in
3:07
patterns we we develop habits. We have patterns and and it's
3:12
hard to get out of them because they feel so familiar.
3:16
They feel good and bad at the same time.
3:19
Good and bad at the same time, because sometimes when you're
3:21
trying to create a new habit, it's like you know you, you do,
3:25
it's like you're stubborn or that, I guess, but you are just
3:29
so set in how you do it and it just becomes routine and it's
3:33
comfortable. Even though we may not like the
3:37
outcome, we may not like the situation, but it's like we're.
3:43
We're just doing what we know, you know, and and we talk about
3:46
stubborn and Kapasuta, you know, We realized when we went to
3:50
Europe that they do gluten different.
3:53
So we were able to eat differently, felt different.
3:55
And we'd already been talking about this.
3:57
And I would tell you how we're having a problem with gluten,
4:00
How we're having a problem with gluten.
4:01
No. But once again, I think you were
4:04
in your stubborn face. But it was really interesting
4:09
because then we come back and then COVID comes around and
4:15
things change. And we're all excited because
4:19
Amy's Donuts, which if y'all don't know is a local place here
4:22
in Springs, delivered. Yeah, they decided to start up
4:26
delivery because of COVID. Bad idea for us Bad, bad idea.
4:31
And but we thought it was a good idea.
4:33
So we ordered half a dozen Donuts, you know, thought that's
4:37
not too bad. And yeah, we suffered.
4:42
How did we suffer? For like two or three days.
4:46
It was horrible. Oh my God.
4:49
My body was just, like, foreign to me.
4:55
Well, you know, it's not only. I mean, when you have that, it's
4:58
like your joints hurt your as you say, you start looking like
5:03
the doughnut because you bloat and it looks like you just go
5:06
put a doughnut on you and it feels so uncomfortable.
5:12
I have this theory after the testing this out.
5:16
You know, being off of gluten for 2 1/2 weeks and then coming
5:20
back and doing that and realizing the difference in my
5:23
body, that I just think that gluten is probably not a good
5:27
idea for anybody, no. But we know that here in the US
5:31
they overuse that. And I mean, there's probably
5:34
other places that do too, but we know that it's like.
5:38
To make it prettier. To make it fluffier.
5:40
To make it more buoyant. To make it more You know and
5:43
trust me, it makes you more fluffy.
5:45
Exactly. That's what I I that's what I
5:47
say. It's like I I start to feel like
5:50
the desserts. It's like, no, I don't want to
5:53
feel this. I feel like a pastry.
5:56
It is. And it's so bizarre how it took
6:01
us being we really weren't. We were sick for about two to
6:03
three days. Yeah and just the stomach upset
6:07
and you just you just feel miserable.
6:11
And so we kind of looked at each other then and said OK it's we
6:16
got to stop. We can't have pastries.
6:18
We can't do that. And and so that started our
6:21
journey of really being more conscious and aware of that.
6:24
So we do we are pretty close to gluten.
6:27
We do as good as we can. At least limiting it at home.
6:32
We don't do gluten. It was just amazing.
6:34
We we already talked about it. We had been having these
6:37
conversations. We'd go back and forth.
6:40
Maybe, maybe not. Yeah, I mean just once again,
6:44
being stubborn about it because we wanted our pastry, we wanted
6:48
our pastas we and there's all these alternatives anyway.
6:51
But. Well, yeah.
6:52
And I think that sometimes you don't want that to be the
6:54
answers though. You know, you, you go back and
6:57
forth for a long time before you actually make the change and
7:00
realize how much better you feel over time.
7:04
But I mean, we had already started changing how we were
7:07
eating and you know, just getting more exercise and and
7:13
being being more physically fit in that.
7:15
And so it's just you know over time you make those changes and
7:19
that but. I do think we get stubborn about
7:22
stuff and we could probably feel be feeling better way sooner if
7:27
we would just stop. How little we listen to our
7:31
bodies, I think is what it is. We do not listen to our bodies.
7:35
It's like our bodies telling us something's not good for us.
7:38
Well, you know what? Maybe it was just that color.
7:41
Or maybe, I mean, we will rationalize the hell out of that
7:44
shit, you know what I'm saying? We will just put out there.
7:47
No, it's this, it's this and and we talk ourselves out of stuff.
7:51
And you have, I mean sometimes you have to do a process of
7:54
elimination and sometimes people, I know we've done this
7:57
in the past too try to do too many things at once and we don't
7:59
know exactly what was being more effective.
8:03
So you know trying one thing and and trying it out and giving it
8:07
your best shot kind of gives you more direction.
8:10
Well, I agree. And you and you know, you, you
8:12
mentioned working out. And I think that was interesting
8:14
because for me, I had had some bad knees.
8:17
I only have two of them. I don't know why I say bad
8:19
knees, like I have six of them. Only three were bad.
8:22
The other three were. No.
8:25
But anyway, so for me working out, I always had this fear in
8:31
the back of my head that when I do these things, it's going to
8:33
cause more damage, it's going to hurt.
8:35
It's going on and on and on. Even though all the research I
8:39
was looking at and what people were talking to me about were
8:42
saying, you know, you do these exercises, you're going to feel
8:45
better, you know, all of those things.
8:47
But then that part of me was there, like, but you know, no,
8:51
that kind of hurts. Kind of hurts and don't want to
8:54
wear out that joint, but they've got to keep using that for the
8:59
rest of my life. But The thing is, they do say
9:01
you can strengthen your knees and that and people don't
9:04
realize that. I knew it.
9:06
But then there was also that other part of my brain that was
9:09
being very stubborn that was saying, oh, but what if it's
9:12
not? Then you're going to have a bad
9:15
knee forever and ever, you know? Going to wear it down to the
9:19
bone, really, And who wants that?
9:22
So even for me, it took me a while to then really say, OK,
9:27
what exercises can I do that are going to strengthen my knees?
9:31
And then that's what I started. And then that was a gradual
9:33
thing. And then it was like, oh, look
9:35
at that. They were right.
9:37
Right. Yeah.
9:39
But my brain was still saying they're probably not, you know,
9:42
at 1st. And I think that happens a lot.
9:44
I think people sit there and try it Once again.
9:48
We rationalize the crap out of things.
9:51
Well, there's certain things that we think are truths about
9:53
ourselves that we we just accept as that.
9:57
And we don't think that we can change them, that it's not
9:59
within our power. I mean, I grew up not athletic
10:03
at all, was not exposed to anything like that.
10:07
And let's talk a little bit about your dietary.
10:12
Oh God. So yeah, I I grew up on a menu
10:18
like, you know, Cheese Whiz and Hostess cupcakes and things like
10:23
that. I loved Pop Tarts.
10:29
So when you're eating stuff like that, do you really feel like
10:31
you're going to want to work out anyway or be athletic?
10:33
No. And people don't realize that
10:35
you're kind of setting yourself up for failure when you're, you
10:38
know that's what you're taking in and you just.
10:42
You feel drained and tired and and you don't know why.
10:46
I think a lot of people, oh, I didn't get off sleep or
10:49
something like that. And no, a lot of times it's what
10:52
you're putting in your body that makes you feel draggy and
10:55
sluggish or even just, you know, I'll even say now if I have a
10:59
lot of sugar, that the next day I'm like, I don't want to move
11:04
well. And you know, what's interesting
11:05
is because early on when we were together, you would make
11:08
comments like that. I'm not athletic.
11:10
I don't do this. I don't do that.
11:13
I don't know how to throw a ball, really, I don't.
11:15
And definitely didn't know how to kick a ball.
11:19
Took her to the gym one day and we're playing kickball.
11:23
Yeah, that wasn't my thing. No.
11:27
Ball comes right to her and totally missed it.
11:29
Yeah. Yeah, I guess I don't do that.
11:32
Like, let's try again. She wasn't like, no.
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But I think that's what it is, is sometimes when you do those
11:38
things and and it's not something you can do once again
11:40
that stubborn piece says I just can't do it.
11:43
So I'm not going to try it again.
11:44
It's not for me. I didn't have the confidence to
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do that. I think that when I was younger,
11:50
if anything, I probably could have gotten into volleyball, but
11:54
I didn't. That wasn't something that was
11:56
pursued. I didn't.
11:58
I wasn't even. I didn't take PT even in school.
12:02
I was excused. I love that I didn't take PT
12:07
because you did not want to either.
12:10
No, I didn't. I didn't have the confidence,
12:12
like I said, to do anything like that.
12:14
I didn't. I wasn't exposed to anything
12:17
like that. So and they had me excused for
12:20
religious purposes. So I didn't even have to do
12:23
that. And I think, you know you said
12:26
that you know you know you're our past kind of helps dictate
12:29
some of that and and I think it does.
12:32
You know my I was a complete opposite.
12:34
I grew up, you know we were baling hay and irrigating and
12:39
chasing after animals. So being active was not an it
12:44
was not an option to not be active.
12:47
There were days I just didn't want to be active.
12:49
But yeah, you know, that didn't happen.
12:52
Obviously, things still needed to be done and we were the we
12:55
were the hired help. I was the only girl and I wasn't
12:59
expected to work outside. Really.
13:02
I mean, I remember I could probably count on one hand how
13:05
many times I was supposed to go out and mow the lawn, and I
13:08
hated it. And I would tell him I will
13:10
clean the house from top to bottom.
13:13
Please don't make me go out there and do that.
13:16
And then she came into my family system, which my parents did not
13:19
know. Those rules are yours.
13:21
So she comes in and let's see, you learned how to go up into
13:28
the mountains, get wood because we had wood burning stove and
13:33
get some wood. You learned how to work out in
13:35
the fields and hall stuff and. Doing irrigation and burning
13:41
ditches and all kinds of things. But guess what?
13:45
She found out she could do it. I learned a lot about myself,
13:50
yeah. And still, you know, I mean I
13:54
even over all the all those years still expanding on that.
14:00
I mean, when I was younger, the most physical thing was skating.
14:04
For me, roller skating, I and I loved it.
14:06
And you know, even as an adult, I've gone a few times, I I still
14:12
enjoy it. So yeah, me and roller skating
14:16
aren't friends. And I keep saying to myself,
14:18
well, are you going to ever try that again?
14:20
And then I sit there and try to tuck myself into it.
14:22
But remember, I have bad news. I.
14:26
Don't want to keep them going. But no, I think it is that I
14:31
think, you know, so much of the time we get stubborn, but we
14:34
don't even realize we're stubborn because of what we've
14:36
been taught. So that becomes our pattern.
14:39
And then we get stuck in those things and then we will sit
14:43
there and kind of sit there and well, no, I can't do that.
14:46
No, I can't do that. And and and we'll fight and
14:49
argue about it. And we'll justify it.
14:51
And we'll. And sometimes it's things that
14:54
we learn from our parents, modeling and things like that
14:59
because even like my my mom I remember she she had knee
15:04
replacement surgery. She had had a couple back
15:08
surgeries, things like that. And of course, physical therapy
15:12
follows those things. And and.
15:15
Then she was having the issues with the liver and stuff like
15:19
that, and they were talking about changing her eating habits
15:21
and about even just getting more exercise, even just, you know,
15:25
walking and things like that. But I remember this one doctor
15:28
telling her we need to make you like an athlete.
15:32
And the expression on her face, she just thought that was such a
15:36
joke. And you know, I mean, I get
15:40
that. And I don't remember what her
15:43
age was at that point or whatever, but she thoroughly
15:46
believed that she couldn't have that kind of power.
15:49
And I think, you know, sometimes we see that in them.
15:52
And and it's easy to fall into that kind of belief, I think.
15:58
Well, and I think it's easy to guess.
16:00
You know, I I think it's easy for people with their belief
16:04
systems about themselves or others to to defend that, even
16:10
if it's if it's not true or if it's detrimental to them.
16:14
You know, after your mom's surgeries and stuff like that,
16:17
we would say, OK, come on, let's go for walks.
16:19
Let's do this. And you know, sometimes I'll be
16:21
there. Like, no, you got to walk 10
16:24
steps, 10 steps, you know. And and I think that even for
16:29
her with that, so we'd kind of go back and forth a little bit,
16:31
but she'd eventually do her 10 steps because I wasn't going to
16:34
go anywhere. I was going to.
16:35
I stood there. I said, OK, we'll just stand
16:37
here. You know that was me being
16:40
stubborn. But it was, it really was that
16:43
thing of do what what's going to make you better?
16:47
And I and I know and I because I was coming from a place of not
16:50
doing that because of my knees and stuff, you know.
16:54
So I understood that. I understood that mentality of
16:57
oop that's going to hurt, or that might hurt more than, Yeah,
17:01
it's all this crazy. I think, that we put into our
17:04
heads to try to once again. We get stubborn.
17:08
We get or or maybe it's we're stubborn about changing, but
17:13
we're but we get stubborn. I think 'cause we get stuck like
17:17
if that makes more sense. I think so.
17:19
And I think that sometimes things has to happen to to spur
17:23
us to really make those necessary changes instead of
17:28
digging our heels in. And I know one of the things for
17:31
me when I started changing as far as what I was, I mean I was
17:35
already working out and stuff like that, but.
17:38
I had found out that I had a cyst and stubborn.
17:45
Let's talk about stubborn. Yeah, I kept thinking that I oh
17:51
and just I just got some blow stuff like that.
17:53
My stomach was extended and and this was her.
17:57
Let's go to the store and let's get some of those cleanse things
17:59
on. They're like, girl, you Dun Dun
18:01
cleanses. You done that?
18:03
I said. There's something wrong here.
18:04
I was working out and I wasn't losing weight.
18:06
And and I'm telling you, you got to go to the doctor.
18:09
No, I don't. I just got to keep working out
18:11
more. I've got to do this.
18:11
I'm thinking, you're doing all that.
18:14
Stop me right here. Well, what was interesting is
18:18
that I didn't have any pain. There wasn't any pain.
18:21
But I remember when I was trying to do some of my exercises and
18:24
that if I would lay down on my stomach, I I mean it was like
18:28
pressure was the only thing, only way I could describe it.
18:32
But I just thought, I mean, I guess I just need to do more.
18:36
I'm telling you everything. We're doing everything.
18:38
And I'm just and I'm, I'm there. Like, finally you need to go to
18:42
the doctor, 'cause this is not normal.
18:45
Your stomach should not look like that.
18:48
So I did, and it was a good thing that I did because I had,
18:51
like I said, a cyst and it was 18 lbs, yes.
18:56
So when they removed that and the doctor showed the picture of
18:59
that and they're like, Oh my goodness, she just gave birth to
19:02
an 18 LB BLOB and I was there. Like, how do you not know that's
19:09
in there? But once again, you were being
19:11
stubborn. I was being stubborn, yeah, but
19:15
I yeah. So that was a huge shock.
19:18
But from that moment, I mean they I got I had my surgery and
19:24
you know I was in the hospital for.
19:26
I don't know how many days and they said you got you have to
19:32
get up and move. You have got to walk.
19:34
You've got to, you know, they were telling me these things
19:37
that I needed to do to recover. And my mom saw this process and
19:44
I remember she kept saying she was amazed because anytime they
19:49
would. Say about getting out of that
19:51
bed and doing the walks and that I would do it.
19:54
And I mean, I had a huge incision down my stomach and I I
20:00
was determined that I was going to do it anytime that they set
20:03
about doing it. And the interesting thing about
20:06
you is you're stubborn. Not just about that, but you're
20:10
you can be stubborn even about your workouts.
20:14
Now you you kind of. Sometimes you're a little
20:17
extreme. I like to have a regimen and I
20:22
like to get into my groove and stay there and then everyone
20:28
wants to say, but I think you should work a little bit.
20:34
But no, that was a really good example of that stubbornness.
20:37
And for me, you know, I got high blood pressure and I but I
20:43
didn't want to take medicine. So I'm stubborn when it comes to
20:46
medicine. I don't, I don't like it.
20:47
It doesn't. Often times it does not react
20:50
well. I know what she's.
20:52
Going to say, so how many times do we go to the doctor and then
20:56
the doctor prescribes something and we go fill the prescription
21:01
and get it home. And you read about it and say,
21:04
I'm taking that well and in my defense, sometimes I really
21:08
didn't not like antibiotics or things like that.
21:11
There were certain things I I just wasn't using.
21:14
If you knew it was a steroid when we went to fill it, why are
21:17
we filling the prescription? That's what I wanted to know.
21:23
Well, that's my stubbornness, I'll admit it.
21:26
But you know, when it came to like my, but really when it came
21:29
to like my blood pressure and you and she said we need to put
21:33
you on that really low dose of the medication.
21:36
And they're like, I don't want it.
21:39
And I'm horrible about remembering to take it, too.
21:41
That's the other thing. I I don't do well with that
21:45
routine, obviously. But I said, OK.
21:48
And then she said, if you don't want to take it, lose weight.
21:50
And they're like, oh, that's kind of harsh, but OK, let me
21:53
see. But it was true.
21:55
I didn't want to take the Med. And I want and I but I couldn't
21:59
be stubborn both ways, you know what I mean?
22:01
I couldn't not take the Med and not work and not not work out
22:04
and do those things. So I did.
22:06
I ended up saying, you know, I took the Med for a little while
22:10
and then I said I don't want to do this, so started to do the
22:14
stuff I had to. So now I don't have to be on a
22:17
medication. I'm very happy about that.
22:19
And it takes a while to implement a new routine and get
22:23
there. And I mean it talks.
22:24
It takes a lot of self talk too. It does.
22:27
And I think The thing is is once again, you know, I'm I guess, I
22:33
I guess I would say I'm borderline I borderline on
22:37
stubborn when it comes to medications.
22:39
But a lot of meds don't agree with me very well.
22:42
Pain meds don't agree with me, so.
22:44
And my problem isn't you taking the meds or not taking the meds.
22:48
Don't take the meds, but let's not go fill the prescription and
22:51
sit it in a drawer, OK? Since she told me that we have
22:54
not filled one of those prescriptions, I will just
22:56
simply tell the doctor I'm not going to take it, is it?
22:59
And I'll ask him, do I have to or can I?
23:01
And they'll tell me if I can do something else.
23:04
I will do something else, yeah. So now I just don't sit there
23:07
and say, Oh yeah, give me that prescription.
23:09
I'll go fill it and pay my $30, put it in the drawer.
23:13
I don't do that. I haven't done that in a long
23:15
time. Thank goodness.
23:17
But once again, that's that. That's that stubbornness I think
23:21
about us. Or that I'm baffled as to how
23:23
our mind works sometimes. Yeah, it's like we have to ease
23:28
into something and and get into a whole thing of trying to
23:33
rewire what, you know, our, our. Our train of thought exactly.
23:38
And I guess sometimes you know and I even work on this with my
23:41
clients because sometimes they will dig their heels in about
23:43
certain things. And I always ask them is this
23:46
that battle you want to fight because they get stubborn about
23:51
it. They're going to respect me or
23:53
they we don't get to do that. We don't get to make people you
23:56
know, are we. But we try.
23:58
We're trying to force things and and we stay stubborn or we stay
24:02
and like I said stuck maybe then and what is it providing for you
24:08
and when we're being stubborn and and sometimes even now we'll
24:11
we'll kind of challenge each other on that.
24:13
Well what is that? How's that working for you, you
24:16
know? Yeah.
24:17
And sometimes, I mean the answer is no.
24:20
You know it's not working for you.
24:21
That's why you need to change something.
24:22
But it's like getting past that and it does, it takes time.
24:27
You just have to, like I said it keep working on.
24:32
On your thinking around it and why you, why you hold on to it
24:36
so tightly. And I think the other thing is
24:39
when you see somebody that you love who is being stubborn about
24:42
something that is detrimental to them like in a bad way.
24:47
You know what I mean? It's like you sit there and say
24:50
why are you doing this, you know, but you can't tell them
24:53
change for me because that doesn't work.
24:56
People don't change for other people because if you do that,
25:00
then it's not sustained. And we've had this conversations
25:04
with your mom. My dad could be a little
25:05
stubborn. Just a little bit.
25:08
Just a little bit. My mom would probably say he was
25:11
a lot stubborn, but he could he could be stubborn about some
25:15
things, you know. He would be the type who, if he
25:17
was just done at the doctor's, you know, was like, OK, I'm
25:20
leaving. You can't leave.
25:21
You're in a gown. What are you, where are you
25:23
going in a gown? Well, I don't.
25:25
No, we're not leaving. And so, you know, several
25:28
conversations, but he eventually would would say, OK, you know
25:33
what I mean, but even to have those moments and you're
25:36
thinking, why are this conversation?
25:37
Why is this important? And it's such a, you know, you
25:41
cut off your nose to spite your face, as they say, 'cause it's
25:44
like you know you're not improving by staying where you
25:48
are, but, you know, you just think you've got it figured out.
25:51
And I imagine everybody out there, you have either you're
25:54
the stubborn one or you have people in your life who are
25:57
stubborn, you know? And sometimes it's it can be
26:00
difficult to navigate those things.
26:04
You know, we talk a lot about your stubborn.
26:07
No, you've gotten way better. I think so.
26:09
You really have early on, not so much stubborn, but I understand
26:15
why, You know what I mean? I understand.
26:17
I think if we can look at somebody's history, sometimes we
26:20
get a better idea of like where people are coming from.
26:24
That's what I say. I mean, I felt like when I was
26:26
younger I didn't have much of A voice, but I feel like that
26:30
because I do now. You know, I just.
26:34
And you know how you know when you're being stubborn, you do
26:37
the eye roll. Oh, well, that.
26:41
That's been always been a thing. Got you in a lot of trouble,
26:45
didn't it? It did.
26:49
Don't even. You don't even do that very much
26:51
anymore. Really.
26:55
Only once or twice a day? No.
26:57
But it is. It's like and and that's when I
27:01
know. When you do that is when I know
27:03
you're in that place of being stubborn, believe it or not.
27:07
And then I just have to walk away.
27:09
And I always tell you, I'm always so impressed on this
27:11
evolution that I've seen with you in the years that I've known
27:14
you the the growth and and you have moved away from that
27:19
stubbornness because I think it kept you stuck it that was
27:23
almost like I'm going to dig my heels in.
27:25
I'm going to show you can't boss me or I'm going to show you
27:28
can't. Do you see what I mean?
27:30
Even though that's not a conscious thought, it's just.
27:32
But yeah, I mean, I understand why you say that, but I think
27:36
when you sit down with it and I was telling people sit down with
27:39
and and think about, well, where's that come?
27:42
Why am I having this anyway? I think that, you know, we talk
27:45
about practicing the pause all the time and you really have to
27:47
do that. I know I've had to do that.
27:49
I have to step away and sometimes just reflect on the
27:53
conversation. What was being said there?
27:56
You know what? Why did I feel that?
27:58
What were you really trying to say?
28:01
I can do that a little bit better now.
28:03
Oh, absolutely. One of the things, because we're
28:06
always talking about on here about the importance of
28:09
communication, connectedness and all of those things, those
28:12
things are what help us get past that.
28:14
I think it's OK to be stubborn and there are some things I
28:18
think that we should be stubborn about, but to not be stubborn if
28:23
it's going to be something that's going to be detrimental
28:27
to you physically, spiritually or emotionally.
28:30
I just don't understand that. I don't I That's where I say
28:34
that's where that's getting in our way.
28:37
Some things we have to be stubborn about.
28:40
If it if it is our health and they're trying to tell you, do
28:43
you know I was really impressed with you when you were talking
28:46
to the doctor and he was really pushing you, usually pushing
28:51
your buttons this last week. Oh, the doctor with my mom
28:56
really pushing you. And I could see that building in
29:00
you It physically, I could see it building in you until you
29:04
told him. I will not make that decision
29:07
today, you know, And I bet he's probably thinking, Oh my God,
29:11
she is being stubborn. Might have, but you know what I
29:15
mean? Because he was trying to make
29:17
you budget on something you're not comfortable budging on and.
29:21
Yeah, we'd already had two or three conversations.
29:24
And I felt like that he was down to the, you know, this was the
29:27
last conversation I was having with him and he was like, you
29:31
know, putting the pressure on. And I'm like, no, I am not going
29:35
to make that decision today. But once again, I think in his
29:39
mind, and maybe not that's an assumption, but it felt like
29:43
that. And when in the scene of this
29:45
conversation, it almost felt like he thought you were being
29:48
stubborn. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong
29:50
with standing up for yourself and, you know, saying what you
29:54
want or that, but, well. Understanding that we're always
29:57
in a learning process too. Well, I think that that was
30:01
where this little segue was going into is that identifying
30:04
when you're standing up for yourself is being very different
30:07
than being stubborn about something.
30:09
But I think sometimes people will cause.
30:11
I've seen this, you know, in these years I've done this,
30:13
whether I was in school, working in schools or whatever, I would
30:17
see people saying, oh, that kids being stubborn, No, they're
30:21
setting a boundary. They're saying no, I'm not going
30:24
to do that. And often times what I think
30:27
often times with kids, what you often see is people identifying
30:31
them as being stubborn when they're saying no to something
30:36
or they're, I don't want to do that or you know, while you're
30:39
just being stubborn. And there is a difference.
30:42
And and I think we have to be able to identify when we're
30:46
being stubborn and when we're standing up or you know, we're
30:49
setting a boundary standing up for ourselves or those kind of
30:52
things. Well, I think one of the tell
30:54
tale signs too. You have to realize when you're
30:56
being stubborn about something, it's often that you're not
30:59
listening and it's it feels argumentative.
31:02
Yeah, you'll you'll be a lot of times formulating your answer
31:08
before you've even heard what the person is saying.
31:10
So I think that that's where the stubborn comes in because we're.
31:15
Anticipating what that person's going to say.
31:17
And we think we already have the answer.
31:20
And so it's that lack of listening I think.
31:23
And it's that thing of and I don't want to say right and
31:26
wrong because but that's almost what it feels like.
31:29
I'm stubborn. This is I I know the answer to
31:32
this and you're not going to change the answer to this.
31:34
And because I've seen that with little kids do yeah.
31:38
I've seen what they're stubborn and and dig their heels and it's
31:41
like you do know that's the wrong.
31:42
No, it's not. And and you know you're having
31:44
this conversation. And with parents you just have
31:46
to pick the battle really. And but I think that's what I'm
31:50
saying. I think that knowing being able
31:53
to discern between the two is really important.
31:56
But I know, you know, even for us, and there's a lot of things
32:00
we don't indulge in like we used, we don't indulge in
32:03
alcohol like we used to because we don't like the way it feels.
32:07
And then, OK, maybe the universe took about three or four times
32:10
early on in our life. You know, when we were together,
32:12
just, you know, pounded into our heads.
32:14
You know, this isn't different. So then it was like, you know
32:16
what? I don't feel good with it.
32:17
So why am I doing it? I don't.
32:19
So you know what I mean. Yeah, and there's.
32:22
I mean, that is a learning thing too.
32:24
When you're younger, it's a little bit different.
32:26
And as you age, alcohol and things like that sometimes do
32:30
not react the same as as as it used to in your body, your
32:34
recovery period. Your recovery period changes.
32:37
Well, not only that, I think that when you are in the process
32:40
of doing other things to make yourself more healthy, I think
32:45
that when you go and do some of those things that maybe aren't
32:49
so healthy, you feel the impact even more so.
32:53
I mean it is noticeable in a different way and we don't we
32:57
don't do a whole lot of sugar either.
32:59
We we had to kind of get rid of, got rid of sugar because it was
33:02
not agreeing with this. The same thing, you know we were
33:04
feeling you with sugar, you feel sluggish you do that.
33:07
But once again that was another thing we were a little stubborn
33:09
about and we were stubborn because we like the taste of it.
33:13
We love, you know, I my big thing was pastries and so I was
33:19
truly sad when I could not have pastries anymore.
33:22
Yeah. And I think that people don't
33:24
realize that you just, you make some adjustments and that.
33:26
And it's not like we don't ever indulge in sugar.
33:29
We've just you know, minimized some of that, but I am so happy
33:34
because now they make amazing gluten free desserts and stuff.
33:38
So we still get to indulge in all that.
33:41
But even with that we don't indulge in a lot.
33:43
A lot because then we sit down, we say, OK, how is that going to
33:45
impact our workout or how is that going to and even you know,
33:49
the whole process of working out that's that's something that is
33:53
such a journey for us. You know, we're definitely not
33:56
where we want to be, but we're closer to it than we were, you
34:00
know? Exactly.
34:01
Everything is a learning process.
34:05
And I mean, if you're stubborn about something and you think
34:08
that this is the only way to do it, you know, you just like I
34:12
say kind of set yourself up for failure.
34:14
But I think that if you're. Willing to research it and see
34:18
the different things that work, whether it'll be about a workout
34:21
or or the way you eat or, you know, whatever it is.
34:25
And I think the other place that we get stubborn in is when we
34:29
have an idea about what we think is right.
34:32
There are people who will pound that in and pound it.
34:36
And I always tell people if you if you believe in it, don't.
34:39
But don't get stubborn about it. They'll you'll see them going
34:43
back and forth in these conversations about what ways my
34:47
ways the right way And but it might not be for the other
34:50
person but we get so fixated on what we think we know that we
34:55
don't listen. You know that's what you were
34:57
saying when you're not listening and I think that's where we're
35:01
we I see a lot of that even in my office too don't you know
35:05
just in relationships in general is that they will they they get
35:09
into that thing of you know whether it's be vegan or
35:12
vegetarian or you know this that or the other you know or drink 6
35:16
pack a week or it doesn't matter.
35:19
Well I drink a shot of whiskey a day and that was what keeping me
35:22
healthy and that's what you need to do And they get stubborn in
35:25
that because once again and and and and then it becomes that
35:28
thing of you. You keep pushing the buttons and
35:30
you keep pushing the buttons because you When I am stubborn,
35:35
once again I am not listening. If I am not listening, I am not
35:38
learning. I am not truly hearing.
35:41
And it's oh hey, that works for you.
35:43
Wonderful. If you want to be a carnivore,
35:46
awesome or whatever it is. And understand that everybody's
35:50
practice may not be your practice that you know, that
35:54
works best for you. I mean that can be with
35:56
anything. I mean you see people that are
35:59
very staunch in their religious beliefs and that and and you see
36:03
that. Maybe their their relationships
36:06
aren't great because of that piece of it and I know I have
36:09
seen that I have grown up with that.
36:11
But I have been on a journey of of spiritual, a spiritual
36:16
journey. I feel like where that and there
36:19
are there are people that you know when when something feels
36:23
like it's been shoved down your throat for many, many years that
36:26
will completely be in such rejection of that that they they
36:30
kind of stunt their own growth in.
36:33
In finding their own path. And I really feel like that that
36:37
that does happen with people. And I'm grateful that, you know,
36:42
I can take from some of the things I learned growing up, but
36:46
I also feel like that I am in such a much better place
36:51
spiritually now. But there's also politics.
36:55
There's, you know, there's so many things that once again, we
36:58
dig our heels in and we get stubborn about it.
37:03
Yeah, it doesn't matter what we literate, where our beliefs are.
37:06
What matters is when we can be respectful of those things.
37:11
But when I'm being stubborn, I cannot.
37:13
Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
37:15
Like, you can dig your heels in, but you can understand if you
37:19
can pause from that and understand that those people
37:23
have to do what's right for them and you can do what's right for
37:28
you. And you know, are we can still
37:31
be stubborn about things? Absolutely.
37:34
We're human. Yeah.
37:36
And sometimes it's little stupid things too.
37:39
We get stubborn about, you know, we we have our little stupid
37:42
things. We get stubborn about.
37:43
And it's one of those things you have that conversation.
37:45
And I think it's really what you said is when you realize that
37:48
you're not listening to the conversation, then you know, you
37:53
walk away from it and then you get a chance to pause and think
37:56
about it. And, you know, I always think
37:58
therapeutically that's what's happening.
37:59
You know, when I'm in the office and my clients and we're talking
38:02
about these things is and all this time, all you have to do is
38:05
think about it. And often times they will come
38:08
back and say, you know, I didn't realize that, like I was digging
38:12
my heels in, like I was being stubborn about this, you know?
38:15
And I didn't realize how my being stubborn was actually more
38:20
harmful for me and helpful for the other person that I was
38:24
being stubborn with. Because often times, once again,
38:26
it's about trying to change somebody else's, whether it be
38:29
their thought pattern or whatever it is that you're
38:32
working on changing in somebody else.
38:35
And and always love when they come and we have those
38:38
conversations because I know that that is that growth.
38:44
And when we're able to listen to other people's ideas, when we're
38:47
able to you know, I I was having a conversation with my client
38:51
yesterday and I and he goes, well how do you do?
38:53
I said because I removed myself. I said it's you have to not
38:58
once. Once I start engaging in that
39:01
fashion, then that's where that sometimes that stubbornness or
39:06
that being stuck, you know, gets involved.
39:10
And I think that's why it's important to continue to talk.
39:14
And and also I think you know, one of the other things we do
39:17
and on a daily basis is our gratitude.
39:21
And the reason we do our gratitude is because sometimes
39:24
that helps us get away from that stubborn.
39:26
It does, you know. When you shift to gratitude, I
39:30
feel like that it presents a whole new way of thinking.
39:34
You don't have to stay. I feel like you don't have to
39:36
stay stuck and you don't feel that need to be stubborn about
39:40
things. And being stubborn means you are
39:42
holding on to something. And often times I tell people,
39:46
what are you holding on to and whose idea is it really?
39:49
Is it somebody else's belief or idea or whatever that you've
39:52
taken on as your own and now you're holding on to it?
39:55
And sometimes I think that's why it doesn't feel good or because
39:58
you're trying to prove a point. But sometimes that does not do
40:02
it. You know, sometimes it takes us
40:05
longer to learn. Like I said, you know, we're
40:07
guilty of that too. I'm telling you, Jose Amy's
40:10
Donuts did it in for us. But I think that's when we real
40:13
really realized that we were. We knew it, but we were being
40:16
stubborn in that. We were trying to modify and
40:19
change our thinking. No, it really wasn't that.
40:22
You know it. That was another, you know, that
40:24
was another donut. This is Amy's Donuts.
40:26
Amy's Donuts must be different than these Donuts, or you know
40:29
what I'm saying? We will do that.
40:31
Or maybe if I just have one, we didn't stop at one, we had like
40:36
1 1/2. Well, and we even said that
40:38
after we had this, This Is Us, even after we had that horrible
40:43
experience pass forward, I don't know, maybe a year and where
40:47
they're like maybe if it's half and then we both looked at each
40:50
other like Oh no, not even half. No, what we ended up doing was
40:54
having pancakes. Oh God.
40:57
Yeah, that was as bad as the Donuts.
40:59
I forgot about that. That was horrible.
41:03
But once again, it's only Donuts.
41:05
We can have pancakes. You know, guess what?
41:08
There's gluten in pancakes. And it fell.
41:13
That was another one. Felt horrible.
41:14
And I remember I had to work with Amy's Donuts when I had to
41:17
work and I had had Amy's Donuts. I was just there thinking, Oh my
41:21
God, you know, the camera already adds poundage to you.
41:24
I already feel like I have the donut wrapped around me.
41:26
What does that look like? Your clothes barely fit.
41:31
Yeah, you have to go and get those big.
41:32
It reminds me of the Santa Claus movie when he's gaining the
41:37
weight and he's in his sweat suit.
41:40
Oh yeah. Got stung by a bee.
41:42
That's what it was. A big bee because that's what it
41:44
feels like it feels. Like you just go, yeah.
41:50
What are those fish that do that, The puffer fish?
41:52
That's what it feels, yeah. But you know what?
41:55
I'm happy to say that is 1 area that we are no longer.
41:59
Lesson finally learned. I think yes.
42:03
But, you know, it's not just in, you know, it's, it's in any of
42:06
those things, you know, And we think that, and I don't know,
42:11
maybe people don't call it stubborn.
42:12
Maybe maybe I'll have a different word for it.
42:15
You know what I mean? Because maybe it is feeling
42:19
stuck. And maybe you don't feel stuck.
42:21
Maybe you just like what you like, even though it's not good
42:24
for you. So you, you know, I don't know.
42:26
But the problem is if you feel bad.
42:27
Afterwards, I'm guessing something needs to change.
42:33
But you know, we had to feel bad 123-4520 times.
42:37
Yeah, you know, And now you know, if we feel those little
42:42
lumps or whatever, we don't wait till they get 18 lbs.
42:46
No, I do my walking, 'cause I don't want to take my that
42:49
medicine. So here we are, you know what I
42:51
mean? So I guess The thing is, is it's
42:55
all a journey, and we're on this journey and we're trying to
43:00
figure it all out and we're going to be stubborn sometimes.
43:04
But I guess for me, I'm learning to pick and choose my battles of
43:08
what I'm going to be stubborn about.
43:11
Yeah, I mean, we have. To have patience with ourselves
43:14
for sure. And we're very excited because
43:18
we have just gone to video cast and Chrissy's going to explain
43:21
all that to you because I don't do that as well.
43:24
So the video cast will be showing on the Spotify and it
43:28
will also be available on YouTube.
43:33
We have our YouTube channel which is Adventures of Two Girls
43:37
in a Pod Life's Journey. And you are welcome to subscribe
43:41
to our channel. We'd greatly appreciate it.
43:45
You know, it's a new venture for us and we're very excited about
43:49
it and we're excited for you all to join us.
43:52
We're also posting questions and we'd appreciate if you guys, you
43:56
know, interact with us, get to know us, let us get to know you,
43:59
We we look forward to you. As always, we're on.
44:02
Facebook and Instagram as well. Yeah.
44:05
And you know, we really appreciate everybody's support
44:09
and you know, like I said, if you're going to be stubborn,
44:12
pick and choose, pick and choose wisely.
44:14
And other than that, thank you guys so much for joining us.
44:18
We always appreciate it and we will be back.
44:22
Thanks. Have a great week.
44:23
Bye.