Latest / The Pausecast / Ep. 107: How to activate your inner leader as a female executive

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Ep. 107: How to activate your inner leader as a female executive · The Pausecast

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  Hey you, it's Rachel O'meara. I'm host of the PAUSE cast and
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  I'm so glad that you are Here. We are discussing tips and
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  proven strategies in the world of emotional intelligence so
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  that you can rise to your next level of leadership without the
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  overwhelm. I'm also the author of the book
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  Pause Harnessing the Life Changing Power of Giving
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  Yourself a Break based on my burnout of Google and all the
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  things that I've learned since that are really in this realm of
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  neuroscience, psychology, and emotional intelligence.
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  If you're interested to download my free guidebook for how to Get
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  Overwhelmed, I invite you to do that at
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  rachelomara.com/guidebook. Just so excited?
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  Let's just start and dive in. Hey you.
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  Hi, welcome back. We are here today for another
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  powerful episode of the podcast. I want to talk today about how
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  to activate your inner leader and turn on your power.
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  Literally. Boop.
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  Turn that switch on. As a female executive, As a
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  woman leader. And I think if you're anyone,
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  even if you're not a she, her person who identifies with those
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  pronouns, don't worry about it. This is really applies to
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  everybody, but I really want to think about it because as women
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  we are, we are literally conditioned to tend and take
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  care of others in our life, whether it's our children,
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  others, our parents, what you know, whatever.
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  And so one of the last things that occurs to us I think, and
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  this was my case, was to know that I have an inner CEO.
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  My CEO is in charge of my todo list.
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  My CEO can call the shots on whatever I want to do.
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  But we're not necessarily thinking that way until today is
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  all about how do we turn on that inner CEO.
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  We activate her so that she is in service to our leadership and
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  and can blow the socks off of what we're doing.
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  And I think that it's a skill, but it also really relates to
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  personal power, right? Your unique power that manifests
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  that can become increasingly more and more strong and help
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  you Orient to your inner CEO. But if we don't have our
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  personal power at hand, if we're not able to turn that on either,
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  then we're not going to get there.
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  We're never going to have our full capabilities engaged.
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  So know that it's the extent that you are present, you are
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  manifesting personal power too. That's another big principle
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  here. If you aren't present, if you're
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  kind of thinking about things in your head or you're wondering
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  how to do something differently, or maybe I should him and haul
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  over this thing, then we're thinking too much, right?
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  That's okay. It's important.
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  It's part of the process, but part.
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  But personal power comes from presence, and we've all felt
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  that before, right? When you see someone, maybe
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  you've been in a room where someone walks in and they just
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  are like a magnet for their presence, you are wondering what
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  are they doing? How are they, what are they
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  eating, what are they drinking to feel that presence?
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  And the key is they're really just connected to themselves in
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  a way where others are feeling that right.
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  Because everything is energy. We're made-up of 72% water and
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  our cells are vibrating at a different level.
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  And if we have presence, they're actually vibrating at a
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  different level, then we're not present.
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  That is quantum mechanics and physics and that's totally based
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  and grounded in science, right. So we we all know that even
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  energy they've discovered atoms aren't even what we would have
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  learned in textbooks in my day and age right?
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  Where they're like that that nuclear atomic graphic where
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  it's like the the the nucleus is in the middle and then you've
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  got all the protons and electrons around it that it's
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  actually more like a wave. It actually looks more like a
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  fuzzy blurred wave because everything's just vibrating so
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  much together. And I I just bring that in as a
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  visual because personal power acts in that same way where
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  we're activating ourselves to be on this frequency of this
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  vibration where we are felt in a way that our inner CEO has more
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  influence, has a greater, greater ability to make an
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  impact in what matters. All right.
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  So let's get into it. I think one of the biggest
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  things about knowing personal power and your inner like
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  activating your inner leader is to know how you're feeling.
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  I think that's the first thing to think about, right.
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  So when you're able to understand, oh, I'm feeling sad
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  right now, or I'm frustrated that that would be anger.
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  We can then Orient and do something different.
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  But if we're not able to do that, we're kind of stay on
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  autopilot. We don't really know how we're
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  feeling, and many of us have been trained to not feel right,
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  to take those feelings and keep them extraneous.
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  I know for me, I was never in touch historically with my
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  anger. I didn't know it was okay to
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  feel anger. I didn't know it served me at
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  all. I just thought it was like,
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  terrible, basically. So I wrote it off.
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  I avoided it. I became passive in many ways.
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  And now, with my emotional intelligence more harnessed, I
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  can change that, right? So I've been able to now know
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  that my anger serves me, and it's helpful.
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  And that's what's been really, really important, is to know
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  that that's what the difference is.
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  We can really Orient towards what matters more for us and
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  know that our feelings are data. The feelings we have can inform
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  our inner CEO so we know what we're doing.
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  And as women, we're literally wired for this.
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  One of our gifts is our ability to feel right.
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  We have we have a connection on a physiological level where our
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  feelings are hardwired, and that's for everybody.
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  But for women in particular, I think this is just something
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  genetically that we have a better grasp of, which is
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  awesome. But for whatever reason, maybe
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  we're not in touch with it, maybe we forgot whatever.
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  It doesn't even matter why. The idea is to know, oh, I can
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  feel this is a choice. I choose to know this is here,
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  and then they can inform my my feelings, can inform my thoughts
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  and I can do something different.
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  And vice versa. Your thoughts can inform your
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  feelings as well. So knowing you want to activate
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  your feelings and just know how you feel.
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  Perfect. That comes down to knowing your
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  true self too, right? So acknowledging and accepting
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  when you feel something which may feel uncomfortable, right?
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  If you're feeling fear, that's not a comfortable emotion.
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  But then the reality is, well, I'm feeling it.
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  So if I acknowledge it, then it's in.
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  It has there's a more, there's a greater likelihood for it to
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  pass through. And I know what my mentor used
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  to tell me the more authentic you are, the more the like, the
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  the more real you are yourself, the more power you have that the
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  more your inner leader is empowered for herself, right.
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  So that means the power in my like that is not, that is not
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  outside of me. It's not looking to someone else
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  for this thing about what I can do differently.
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  It's it's actually about my power.
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  It's about my internal leader saying I'm okay to be a leader
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  and I have this power. It's my own personal power, and
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  that's my authentic self. Might mean I have to work at it
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  to remember what that looks like or how to exercise it, but
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  that's okay. The first step is to really just
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  know that I have it and it's within me.
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  So, well, we just kind of covered uncovered a few big
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  concepts. One is feelings are data, so
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  that you can inform yourself to make the other decisions that
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  your inner CEO might not know. And then also know that your own
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  power comes from within. It's not from outside of you.
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  And that might seem really rudimentary and elementary, but
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  a lot of times we forget it, especially if someone's pointing
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  the finger at us and breathing down our neck to get something
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  done or we're not ready for setting boundaries because we've
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  been taught our whole lives that we're just going to get through
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  it and do it more work or whatever it might be, OK?
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  So that's really important. And when you feel your fear,
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  like let's say that's happening and you might feel overwhelmed
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  in fear, that's your aliveness. That means you're present in
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  your body, which is cool, right? That actually facilitates your
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  power. I think that's really important
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  by the way, big, big concept. So when you have this aliveness
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  in you, then you're a little bit on that train to be activated as
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  your inner leader. So the other question I have
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  right now is, you know, this, this I think is really more
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  about this power, personal power is what are your beliefs about
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  power too? I know I've done a lot of
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  background on this myself and power for me was something that
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  was not okay. Like I thought power was evil or
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  I thought of big dictatorships and had big problems and
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  responsibilities and all of a sudden power was in the wrong
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  hands if like it's dangerous, right?
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  So those are some examples of what I thought.
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  So what is it that you have about power?
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  Because if it's not empowering yourself, then it's the reality
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  is it's probably a a belief that you've had from the past or even
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  unconscious and it's just blocking you from power now.
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  So I invite you to think about whatever that is, but also know
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  that you can change it. Yay.
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  And that's a lot of what I do with my clients and our
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  Executive leadership accelerator where we are working on these
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  belief systems and we move into empowering belief systems and
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  new ways of being because the beliefs shape and direct our our
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  everything from our actions to our our thoughts and feelings
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  and behavior. So what about this?
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  What if you had a belief That's called power?
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  Serves me. Power serves me.
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  Power serves me. There you go.
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  Write it down. Power serves me.
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  Take a deep breath into this one.
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  How does this feel in your body as you say it out loud?
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  Power serves me even as I say that now.
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  And I I mean, I've, I wrote, I'm looking at a paper I wrote in
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  2020 about this. That's what I'm sharing today.
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  And holy cannoli, I still feel visceral, like, whoa, like
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  that's a big thing. Because in my world, power
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  didn't, like, historically, serve me.
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  Power was thought of, as I said all those other things earlier.
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  So this is the new invitation for your inner CEO.
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  Know that power serves her and make it first person.
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  Make it present tense. Power serves me.
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  I think that's just a great one you can borrow.
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  Because what happens is when we allow ourselves to create this
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  belief, then we actually start to trust ourselves and know that
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  it's okay to share more of me. I'm going to say that again
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  because it's a big concept. So we're our, we're our whole
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  theme here is to turn our inner leader on right, our inner CEO.
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  But we have to do that internally through power that we
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  have that either we access or we choose not to access.
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  We might give it away. That was one of mine too.
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  We might we might deny it. We might avoid it.
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  But if we're a willing to say power serves me, my inner leader
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  can access this personal power which is literally the ability
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  to do work right Like to. That's the definition.
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  So that means I have the, I have the power to name a feeling, I
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  have the power to say no, I have the power to decide how I spend
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  my time, etcetera, etcetera, right.
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  That's all that I were saying here.
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  And that's trust, right? We if we don't trust ourselves,
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  then how can we possibly want our power right like that.
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  That means I don't trust myself if I don't want the power, I
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  think so. So this is a big concept, and I
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  just want to kind of highlight this because when you trust
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  yourself, that means even though you might feel apprehension or
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  fear or like nervousness, it means I'm willing to know that
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  it still serves me. It's just a new thing to do.
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  It's different than maybe what I've done in the past.
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  And I. And it requires me to accept
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  myself and trust myself because then I'm able to share more of
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  me because I'm okay with it. And that's so exciting, right?
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  That means you can operate on a whole other level, which might
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  mean following those feelings we were talking about, right.
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  And believe it or not, there's so much more I could share here.
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  So when we when we talk and I will So talking about our
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  feelings, there's other layers to this.
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  So as your inner CEO knows how she feels so that she can
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  operate and Orient differently. Maybe there's new belief for
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  her, like my inner CEO is in charge and I'm in.
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  I'm in the CEO of my To Do List and I power serves me.
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  Our inner leader can start to make new choices.
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  And there are deeper desires that are always happening at
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  different at even at an unconscious level.
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  These are called yearnings. And this is the work of Doctor
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  Judith Wright, my mentor, where they are happening all the time.
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  But if we're not able to feel we're probably not going to be
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  able to access those yearnings and we're going to miss them and
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  then we just don't feel very satisfied.
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  And we like what we wonder, what the heck am I doing here anyway?
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  I feel really purposeless, like whatever it is.
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  So when you step into your power, you're allowing yourself
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  the access to name a feeling, know what you feel, what those
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  yearnings might be in the moment.
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  You could even ask yourself, there's a lot of training that
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  goes into that and and we work on that as well in my course.
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  But just know that there's these different layers that you can
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  access. But if you don't have that
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  power, if your interleader isn't activated, then you're never
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  going to get there. And we don't want that.
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  That's not fun. And then we burn out.
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  And then we're overwhelmed. And then we're just stuck in the
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  mental world swirl of feeling drained and exhausted and living
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  in a state of anything, whether it's complacency or stuckness or
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  feeling like you're in a rut. Not feeling purposeful, like
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  feeling like you're all over the place, scattered.
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  Like, that's the stuff that happens when we're not feeling
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  connected and activated in our inner CEO.
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  OK, So what? So what are you getting out of
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  this? I'm curious, like, where are you
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  right now thinking about all of this?
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  Because there's a lot of depth here that I'm talking about.
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  And I think bringing this home to women, bringing it home to
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  inner leaders, you know, this is a stretch.
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  This is you no matter where you are right now.
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  So let's say you're doing pretty well with this.
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  You're inner leaders on fire. You're doing all kinds of cool
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  stuff. Well, that's awesome.
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  Like, first of all, high fives to you and props all around.
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  My question to you is, what could be different?
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  Like, where are you feeling like you could do something even
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  greater and different? Because that's the thing We we
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  have a limitless capacity. So maybe there's conflict or
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  there's someone particularly that you're with who triggers
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  you and you're like, what the heck is that all about?
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  So that's all good stuff, but your inner CEO can come online
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  to navigate that and it's the same stuff we're talking about
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  here. But just know that there's
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  probably a block which might be a personality type that has
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  triggered you maybe even as a kid or someone in your family
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  was like that. Like there's all kinds of depth
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  here and it all goes back to our own personal experience, right.
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  So someone who feels like their inner CEO is shut down in front
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  of someone, very common case, especially with a certain
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  personnel. Maybe it's a maybe it's
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  authority figures. Maybe it's, you know, like like
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  a really nice person. I don't know.
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  It could be your mom. It could be anybody.
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  It might very well be your mom, especially because it's all
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  comes from our families in our systems, essentially right when
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  we were little. So know that all of its data and
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  you can get curious about it, but your inner CEO cannot do
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  anything until you allow yourself to be curious and
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  access this power that is within you.
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  And it's not like the power only exists in certain ways.
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  The power is there for everybody and always.
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  But we've grown accustomed to shutting it down in ways that
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  we've just been used to, right. Which might be romantic
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  partners. It might be authority figures
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  like I said it might be. I don't know.
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  It could be. It could be really open and warm
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  people who all of a sudden you aren't feeling safe around
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  because it's too threatening, it's too vulnerable for you,
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  right? Like it could be anything.
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  So lots of stuff going on here. I want to also just note a few
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  other things. But basically, you know, here we
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  are, we're talking about the inner CEO and how important it
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  is to know how we feel as women. We're designed to feel like this
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  is just something that comes really naturally to us in
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  general. Know that, hey, like I could tap
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  into my gifts here as a as a female leader and know my
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  feelings matter and they're actually super desperately
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  needed in the workplace. By the way, like, if you haven't
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  noticed lately, we're a little over index.
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  We're a little over index on all of this linear thinking and
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  results oriented and like that's all great, but we also need to
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  balance this out. Man, are you hearing what I'm
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  saying? Are you picking up what I'm
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  laying down? Because it's so, so important.
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  And if you're listening to this and you're a female leader, then
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  that's probably something you've been called to.
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  Share more of my guesses as I have been, and that's awesome.
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  I love that you're thinking that.
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  And if you didn't know that, guess what, you might want to be
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  considering that, right? So let's talk a little bit about
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  these blocks to be an interleader, right.
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  So what gets in the way of this? I've already named a few.
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  Someone was our historical beliefs about our own power,
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  right? Like, OK, power.
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  I can't be powerful. Like that's for dictators.
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  Like that was mine. It sounds so funny when I say it
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  out loud too. I'm like, what?
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  Yeah, Yeah. And I'm dictators.
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  I'm talking like Stalin Like, like like big leaders that
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  abused power. Because that was my I guess my
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  lot of what I experienced in growing up and learning about it
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  and and just not necessarily having a lot of personal power
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  as a kid. I think giving that away I saw
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  power abused. I saw it in the media.
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  I saw it in school with bullies. I mean it was all over the place
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  and I'm pretty sure that if that impacted me because I I wasn't a
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  bully I was probably I was definitely getting bullied.
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  I remember that a lot and you know nothing crazy but it was
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  enough to stir me and know that OK maybe I shouldn't have power
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  because then it's just abused. So boom, right.
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  So there's these beliefs we have.
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  Couple other things I want to talk about is knowing maybe we
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  have these beliefs to be liked and I'm calling you out ladies.
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  Right. So we want to be pleasers who
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  are my recovering pleasers out there.
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  We might have a belief that if we're that we're not okay unless
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  we're liked and if we have power we have to tell somebody Nope,
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  you can't do that or actually this is what I'm doing and you
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  disappoint someone. Guess what We're already in that
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  space of the belief ruling us and thinking okay, I'm not like
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  oh, I shouldn't do that. Never mind.
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  I'm not going to listen to my inner CEO today, right.
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  So what do we need to do differently?
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  So we have to stretch, we have to grow into new ways where
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  we're able to say, I am okay and it's no matter what, I don't
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  care if I'm liked or not liked right now.
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  Like, this is about my stretching to express what is
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  needed and necessary for me, might be asserting myself, it
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  might be saying no, might be expecting others to listen to me
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  for once. And that's what it's all about,
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  right? So it's it's actually important
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  to know that your blocks are are not even conscious.
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  They could be these beliefs and that we need to get around them,
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  but we have to know what they are first to get around them,
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  right? We can't just blindly assume
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  something. So this is where it gets harder,
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  right? We have to actually take our
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  effort and say, OK, what's happening here?
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  What? What am?
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  What is my interesting diagnostics around feeling like
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  I'm not in power. I'm not feeling like my inner
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  CEO is. Not working on on these things
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  right. So that's a really interesting
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  thing. I also, I also want to bring in
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  this awesome law of requisite variety.
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  I I I think this is a good one. So the law of requisite variety,
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  Has anyone ever ever heard of that?
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  It is actually a interesting it's an interesting concept
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  right? So requisite variety is what it
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  means. You get to have variety on what
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  matters to you and going for how you want to influence someone
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  instead of like just going through the the old the rig and
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  roll old patterns that you have. For example, if I want to speak
• 20:55
  up and do something that serves me, it might look like being.
• 20:59
  Maybe I'm maybe I'm funny about it, maybe I make a joke, but I'm
• 21:03
  also kind of half serious and it allows my I'll take Saurabh.
• 21:08
  My husband allows my husband to do something that maybe he
• 21:10
  wouldn't do, like set the table. I don't know, calling him out
• 21:13
  there. But, you know, just stuff like
• 21:16
  that. So the law of requisite variety
• 21:18
  is when we shift behavior and do things differently.
• 21:21
  That's really what it is and it also means I think you're inner
• 21:26
  CEO. This is a really powerful one
• 21:29
  and I'm going to excite Carl Rogers here who he's in my
• 21:32
  program for the purposeful living course.
• 21:35
  But Carl Rogers was one of the thought leaders of humanistic
• 21:38
  psychology and very, very influential leader in psychology
• 21:44
  in the 60s, fifties, 60s and he has this concept called
• 21:48
  unconditional positive regard, unconditional positive regard.
• 21:52
  It's when you see someone and hold someone as an unconditional
• 21:58
  positive regard, meaning your judgments are suspended.
• 22:03
  You know that they are whole and complete as you are in the
• 22:06
  moment with all their flaws and and and mistakes and whatever
• 22:11
  they've made-up. But in in your your job is to
• 22:14
  hold them as unconditional in positive regard meaning you see
• 22:18
  them in a positive light really, right.
• 22:19
  So that's from Carl Rogers. And when we think of that how
• 22:23
  does that relate to your inner CEO?
• 22:25
  Well with your inner CEO is acting as your ideal self and
• 22:29
  and and and exercising her own personal power.
• 22:33
  That means you're seeing people mutually with you.
• 22:37
  You're not superior. You're not one upping one person
• 22:40
  or down Downing someone like that's not personal power, that
• 22:43
  is superiority, right? Like that's a that's a trait
• 22:48
  that we can take on if we are feeling inferior.
• 22:51
  It's a whole nother concept there.
• 22:53
  But this is important because personal power isn't about what
• 22:58
  we might have like what we might think of as you know telling
• 23:01
  people the Boston around right? Like like that's not really the
• 23:05
  case right. Your inner CEO sees everyone in
• 23:07
  unconditional positive regard, which means it's a lot easier to
• 23:12
  be with someone and be perfect, be present with them, even if
• 23:15
  they make your skin crawl. If you see them in unconditional
• 23:19
  positive regard, that is the growth work that you can do as
• 23:22
  an inner CEO, because we all have flaws, including you,
• 23:25
  including me, right. So if we allow ourselves to
• 23:29
  develop that power internally, it's it can so serve us as
• 23:33
  leaders of influence because of what it means is you see someone
• 23:36
  for what they bring to the world and they are probably doing
• 23:41
  things in the world that are servicing in some ways that you
• 23:43
  just maybe not aware of and maybe you get curious and have a
• 23:47
  conversation about that, right. But when we're able to see
• 23:51
  people in the here and now with positive regard consistently and
• 23:54
  unconditionally, then that's what works better for us if we
• 23:59
  are really harnessing our inner CEO.
• 24:01
  And I think the last point here I'll make before signing off is
• 24:06
  celebrate your power, which is an interesting concept, right?
• 24:10
  The light in your inner CEO who's accessing these channels
• 24:15
  is accessing this new vibration of your personal power, which is
• 24:20
  going to be your own blend, which is going to be just
• 24:22
  authentic to you, right? So the idea is that when you
• 24:25
  maybe take a big risk or you do something different in that
• 24:28
  requisite variety way, you celebrate it, right?
• 24:31
  So you call yourself out. You're like, hey, that was
• 24:34
  really cool. I can't believe I just did that.
• 24:35
  And wow, like, I did this. Like, this was important to me
• 24:39
  and I and I said something I've never said before.
• 24:42
  I I made a I made a request that I had it or a bold ask or told
• 24:47
  someone something. And that's all from my inner CEO
• 24:49
  who knows best for me, right. So there you go.
• 24:52
  That's what I want you to do is celebrate and delight in this
• 24:55
  because that's you honoring your inner leader.
• 24:58
  You're and that's validating yourself.
• 25:01
  Maybe you notice you feel joy. Maybe there's tears of joy,
• 25:03
  which maybe there's some sadness there.
• 25:05
  You're like, why didn't I do this earlier?
• 25:06
  I mean, all kinds of stuff, right?
• 25:08
  But the idea is don't worry about it all.
• 25:10
  Just give yourself permission to celebrate it because that's you
• 25:13
  and the moment being present for yourself and affirming yourself,
• 25:17
  which is you and selfcare. Gosh, this is such a deep
• 25:21
  podcast. I hope all of this is coming
• 25:23
  through. And let me know in the comments
• 25:25
  or if this is, you know, what you're thinking of this episode,
• 25:28
  because there's a lot here that I'm touching on.
• 25:31
  But you can see, I mean there's there's clearly depth for your
• 25:35
  inner leader to do something different.
• 25:37
  No matter how far up you are on the career ladder or where you
• 25:41
  are, how old you are. It's it's irrelevant.
• 25:43
  It's about where am I with my personal power, as in my inner
• 25:47
  leader shines, OK, and go and unleash that power.
• 25:52
  I say go out and do something that feels bold and that feels
• 25:56
  like your inner CEO is moving forward in a way.
• 26:00
  And you might just start with journaling.
• 26:01
  You might just start with those mistaken beliefs.
• 26:03
  I think that's a really powerful way to do it.
• 26:05
  And we work a lot with this in my courses because it's so, so
• 26:10
  important, especially as women, especially as leaders, because
• 26:14
  most of the time we have no clue it's even an option.
• 26:17
  We're just on autopilot doing our thing, even if we're
• 26:20
  mindful, even if we meditate right?
• 26:21
  Like, this is not, this is not mindfulness in that way.
• 26:24
  This is personal growth. This is you developing yourself
• 26:27
  so that you can reach your potential.
• 26:29
  Yay us. All right.
• 26:32
  I'm so excited that you get to kind of chew on this for a
• 26:34
  little while. Maybe you listen to it again.
• 26:37
  If you know anyone who's struggling with their own inner
• 26:40
  CEO, maybe feeling heard, feeling respected, valued at the
• 26:44
  table, this is the episode to share.
• 26:46
  This is the one to give to them, allow them to learn from it.
• 26:51
  And maybe you have a discussion, you talk to Chad about it.
• 26:53
  How are you doing in terms of your inner CEO?
• 26:56
  How how is this other person doing?
• 26:58
  And and let's get the word out. I'm on a mission to help as many
• 27:02
  people and serve them as possible, knowing that they are
• 27:07
  able to take the reins and rise to their next level of
• 27:09
  leadership using emotional intelligence.
• 27:11
  That's what this all is. Yay.
• 27:13
  All right. Thank you so much, everybody.
• 27:15
  I hope you have a great rest of your day and much love.
• 27:19
  Go out and go out there and unleash that power.
• 27:26
  Thanks for listening today to the podcast, You Rock.
• 27:29
  If you haven't already, please subscribe.
• 27:31
  Rate us, Leave your review. I'd love to hear from you and
• 27:34
  help us get the word out to all of those who are in search of
• 27:38
  wanting to get out of overwhelm and rise to their next level of
• 27:41
  leadership. If you think this that you might
• 27:43
  benefit from these tools or know anyone else who would just
• 27:46
  invite them to join us. Share this episode with them.
• 27:49
  Give them, give them the go ahead, the green light,
• 27:51
  something that you found interesting, and I'm sure they
• 27:53
  will also. Thanks so much for listening.
• 27:56
  Remember, sharing is caring, and I'll see you next time right
• 27:59
  here on the podcast.