Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E170: How to Create a Life You Love w/Laura Brasov

Transcript

E170: How to Create a Life You Love w/Laura Brasov · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  And you reminded me yesterday of this little thing called.
• 0:04
  I will let you just talk about it because I think it's really
• 0:07
  important what I'm talking about.
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  Welcome back to the Lila Rose show, guys.
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  I'm really looking forward to today's episode.
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  It's actually really personal and I hope it'll be really
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  helpful to you personally, especially if you are at any
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  kind of decision making mode in your life.
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  We are going to be talking today to Laura Brasoff, who's a dear
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  friend of mine and a coach. Laura has been a coach for me
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  for over 5 years now, helping me with big decisions that I've
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  made, including decisions that Joe and I have made in our
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  marriage about our purpose, about our mission in life.
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  And there are key tools and a mindset that you can have to
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  help determine what is God calling you to.
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  And Laura has some keys, some secret keys to unlock that that
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  have been incredibly helpful to me and many other people.
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  So you're going to love this episode.
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  If you're listening while you're driving, great.
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  But if you have a moment and you can write down some of the tools
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  that Laura recommends, I highly recommend that.
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  And at the link in the description, there will be some
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  free tools on Laura's website that you can access that will
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  help you implement some of what she recommends.
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  Enjoy Laura. Welcome to the podcast.
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  Thank you so much, Lila. I'm delighted to be here, as you
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  know. I'm excited that you're here and
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  we were just sitting here yesterday.
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  I know, but longer than we thought.
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  Longer than we thought, not, not with the cameras on and actually
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  at at the beginning of the conversation like the cameras
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  are off, right. Yes, we double checked.
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  Yesterday, right? Because we're about.
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  To we definitely made sure. Yes, we made sure.
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  And we, yeah, I was a we, we looked at the life plan that you
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  worked with Joe and I on and now almost six years ago, I guess.
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  2006 years, yeah. And, and it was an, it was an
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  awesome conversation. It was very helpful to me.
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  I'm excited to introduce people to you because I think your work
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  is really special and unique and it's helped me a lot and many
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  other people. And I think this is something
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  that a lot of people would benefit from.
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  So thank you for for everything you do.
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  You are so welcome. It's an honor to come alongside
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  as you do. All right, so let's start with
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  tell us a little bit about your background.
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  Grew up in Southern Cal. I went to school where I met my
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  husband. I call him a crazy Romanian.
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  He grew up in communist Romania. But he's not a communist.
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  He is not a communist, no, he would take offense at that.
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  But we have been married. It'll be 30 years in January,
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  so. Amazing.
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  Yeah, it's pretty fun and I still love that kid a lot.
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  We have three boys, as you know, 232118, so we are officially
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  empty nesters and all but one is taken.
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  So if you have any ladies out there who might be interested,
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  that'd be great. Should we flash a picture of 1
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  as an eligible? We could possibly do that, yes.
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  Cool thing. They might be very up for that.
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  They'd be grateful for that. Or are they embarrassed?
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  I think they'll probably kill me for saying something along those
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  lines, but love those boys a lot.
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  And so a lot of what we will talk about today is something
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  that we've been living for the last 30 years together as a
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  family and as individuals, obviously.
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  So background wise, went to school, ended up getting a
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  master's in theology, really thought that I would be working
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  with women in ministry. And it was a time period back in
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  the 90s, early 90s. There weren't just a lot of
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  jobs. My husband decided to go back to
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  school and so I went into sales because why not, and found that
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  I was really good selling what I call telecom widgets.
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  Telecom was booming back then and just happened to find a
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  niche that I loved, but realized at some point when my first born
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  was born, one month after he was born that I had cancer.
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  And so that really is sort of was a pivot point for me and
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  trying to figure out what I really want to do with life.
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  How could you translate something like sales that you're
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  good at that you realize is not really aligned with what you
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  want to be doing the rest of your life?
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  So it's sort of this internal angst, which I'm sure a lot of
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  your listeners will understand and probably identify with
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  through that process. Wound up in Colorado now, which
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  is where we live. It's absolutely beautiful there.
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  And I keep saying the mountains make my soul sing.
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  So we wound up there for the last 20 years or so.
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  And along that journey for the last 15, about 15 years ago, had
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  my old manager come back and try to woo me back into a new
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  company. And Lila, you'll appreciate
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  this. I remember sitting with him and
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  saying, John, you've been the best boss I've ever had, but I
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  don't really want to go into widgets again, selling widgets.
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  And he very flippantly said, what would you want to do,
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  Laura? And I flippantly back, I might
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  add, said if I could just go with men and women and have
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  coffee with them, give them tools to navigate the big parts
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  of life, including their giftedness, their purpose, their
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  uniqueness, and set them free, release them to go live in that,
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  That's what I would do. And yeah, I remember his
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  response was just like that. And I remember driving north,
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  you know, I'm in Denver at the time and realizing there's got
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  to be a way to do that. So Adial and I, my husband and I
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  sort of said on this journey, we got trained in a bunch of
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  things, picked up a lot of tools, looked at a lot of things
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  and came up with this process. Now that we call life strategy
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  session that uses a bunch of tools but actually helps figure
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  out what to do with the information.
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  It's a lot of great stuff out there that is helpful, but
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  sometimes not practical or we don't know how to apply it.
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  Maybe it's a better way to put it SO.
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  What I love about the life strategy work that you do is
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  that it is not, I mean, there's a lot of stuff in the kind of
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  personal development world that can be gimmicky and that feels
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  like shortcuts to like achieve some breakthrough or whatever,
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  right? And again, there's a lot of good
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  stuff out there too. Obviously.
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  What I love about life strategy is it's first of all, you don't
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  have to be faith-based to do it, obviously, but it is based in a
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  biblical worldview, a philosophically sound worldview
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  about who the human person is, how God designed the human
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  person. And then what I love that you
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  and Adi have done, because you're both wired this way, you
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  have picked up these different pieces from other schools of
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  thought and created this approach that is really special.
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  And my husband, who he can be a tough sell on things, especially
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  like in the personal development world, he loves, he loves
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  personal development virtue, but he's so analytical, he's so
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  wise. He can smell a gimmick from 1000
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  miles away. My husband and he's very
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  discerning. Discerning is the word for my
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  husband. He's wise and discerning, and
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  when I told him about life strategy, he was interested.
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  He's like something more. And then we flew out to Colorado
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  together right when we were first married.
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  I was pregnant with our first born, and we spent two days with
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  you. And I remember Joe saying like
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  that was really awesome and the tools that we have now that we
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  have returned to in the last six years of our marriage have been
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  truly helpful. So the fact that my husband is
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  giving it my heart. No, but I just it just it just
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  makes me all the more grateful for your work because it is a
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  very unique thing to have that combination of your you know,
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  your brilliant and then also the your own personal history and
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  then your willingness to take these different schools of
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  thought and blend something and create something amazing.
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  You and Adi out. It's just very special.
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  So I'm very excited to unpack all of it for folks listening
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  because there is a lot that is accessible to anyone, which is
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  very cool. Let's start with life strategy
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  session. What is a life strategy?
• 7:30
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• 8:32
  So we're familiar with strategic plans for organizations, which
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  we also do. And that's how we met, by the
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  way. Yes, that's how we do it,
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  strategic. Pro-life planning for the
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  pro-life group, the pro-life movement.
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  I was with, you know, a dozen other pro-life organizations and
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  we were masterminding how to get the pro-life movement to
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  succeed. And but I remember you were
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  obviously there and then we connected and you, I discovered
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  you did these other things for individuals.
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  I'm like, I want to learn more from this lady so.
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  But that's, that's a great illustration of we're used to, I
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  think in the world of thinking through what is a strategic plan
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  for a company, right? Every company for the most part,
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  either does it or thinks they're doing it or wants to do it,
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  right? So take your pick.
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  We rarely though, put that same type of dedication and thought
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  process, really dedication to figuring that out for our own
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  lives. And that's a miss, I think, for
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  a lot of people and a joy when we realize, Oh my gosh, we can
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  do this for ourselves too. We can actually pick up these
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  different pieces and learn who we truly are, who God made us to
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  be in our worldview and then step into it more fully, more
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  activated, more content because we can stop being somebody else.
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  We actually get to be ourselves and God is willing us to be our
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  best version of ourselves. So it's basically a day long
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  process. It's online.
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  So we do everything over Zoom now so you can be anywhere in
• 9:56
  the world and it's an 8 1/2 hour.
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  We call them intensives. At this point.
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  I have probably facilitated close to or over probably at
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  this point, 1000 of these with men and women.
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  And we look at basically 3 broad categories.
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  So we look at clarity first. We get really clear on your
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  giftedness. So if you recall, we look at
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  things like talents. How do we make sense of your
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  story? How are you naturally wired to
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  think that, by the way, might be different than your spouse or
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  your kids, right? What are your own values that
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  you bring to the holistic self right for yourself, for your
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  spouse, for your kids, for how you may be parent, for work, for
• 10:36
  the community? And we basically look at this
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  for about half the time together.
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  So we get really clear on the truth.
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  If if we believe that the truth sets us free, we have to
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  understand what is true about you, Lila, that is different
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  than Joe, right? And then after lunch, we took a
• 10:53
  quick break. We move into what we call an
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  alignment, which basically means now how do we put it all
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  together? So it's actually helpful and
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  that piece we really work on purpose and vision and sort of
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  vision cast of what could be if we were hand in hand in
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  partnership with God and moving forward.
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  And then the last piece we put together a plan, we start moving
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  towards what we call momentum. And so parts of that is just
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  filtering, right? Often we have lots of different
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  options, which is the best, right?
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  How do we sift between good, good and best?
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  And sometimes they all look good or they all look bad, right?
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  How do we actually step into that with a clear headed mindset
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  that is based on the giftedness of what God has shown us.
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  And so if you recall, you walk out with the plan at the end of
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  the day, you're exhausted and it tends to be really life giving.
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  All right. So I want to start with the
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  premises, these sort of core principles that this is all this
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  approach is all based on that are true about what is possible
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  for the human person. Because there's some things that
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  you even just said that I think are really powerful, but maybe
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  some people may take for granted or maybe they haven't really
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  meditated on. Like this is true about me as a
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  human person. And one of the key points that I
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  know the life strategy sessions is built on is this idea that
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  every person has a purpose. Yes, a unique purpose.
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  I mean, we all have this shared purpose to love God, love other
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  people, all of this stuff, right?
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  But every person has a unique purpose of how they are meant to
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  live out their gifts and their unique calling in the world.
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  And some people are like, well, sure, but God gave us free will.
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  And as long as it's a good thing you're choosing, generally
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  speaking, you can't really get it wrong.
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  You know, like there's not like God said on day, you know, 1059
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  of your life, you're supposed to do XY or Z, and if you don't,
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  then you're outside of God's purpose.
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  I mean these gets into these questions of.
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  Theology of it all. Theology of it all and I know
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  it's the theology masters over here.
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  You appreciate all that, but I think it's important to speak
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  maybe like let's talk about that more because when I, I think for
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  me, when I had the aha moment, and this was early on in my life
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  and I think it was a gift from God, that God had a plan for me
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  specifically and that I was given specific talents and that
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  God also allowed my life like the good and the bad.
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  And that formed me both the wounds, the opportunities, the
• 13:17
  privileges, the struggles, and that all of that God was going
• 13:21
  to use for my good and for me to do my mission for God and
• 13:24
  others. And when I had that as my
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  operating principle with any decision that I made, everything
• 13:30
  already became more clear. So I'd love just to hear your
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  thoughts on that because I think people need to really know that
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  in the depths of their soul for them to I think takes more more
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  seriously this idea of understanding oneself and one's
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  talents, one's struggles, one's history, and then deciding that
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  yes, there is specific action that I should take to direct my
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  own life towards a larger goal, if that makes sense.
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  Yeah, no, it totally does. So the Bible's really clear that
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  we're each made uniquely. A lot of that is what we find
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  that the work we're doing right. And I think it actually speaks
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  to something deep in our soul that is God-given by the way
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  that we yearn to unpack that we we yearn to know what that is in
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  a world. We were talking about it right
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  before this where everybody's trying to look the same or do
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  the same or show up the same. We want to be different, but we
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  don't know how. And so often that comes in
• 14:26
  because we've not examined our life.
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  Socrates said it, an unexamined life is not worth living.
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  Now you take that to an extreme, of course, but I think there's
• 14:33
  something there of how do we actually examine our life?
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  And as we talked about, there's great tools out there.
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  But what I've often found and I think a lot of people have sort
• 14:44
  of run into, you can get these great diagnostic tools and
• 14:49
  courses and books and and again, very helpful.
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  Yes, they're. Very.
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  Helpful. I do too.
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  But often what we find is that they're helpful, but they're not
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  unique. You and 30,000 people have the
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  exact same strengths for instance or something.
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  It's a great point. There's 16 Myers Briggs types.
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  There's 9 enneagrams. There's 4 temperaments.
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  And so again, though we're still putting ourselves in boxes to a
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  certain extent, which is still going counter, I think to what
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  our God-given yearning is for is to be different.
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  If he really says we're unique, then what is it?
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  What makes us unique? And So what we found is if we
• 15:24
  could give you something that's helpful and unique and then give
• 15:28
  you sort of a, an idea of what to do with it, sort of the
• 15:30
  direction you should take with it.
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  That's a powerful combo in terms of how do we get there?
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  We have to let people self discover it.
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  Lila. In other words, you know, I
• 15:41
  remember my own counseling journey when audio and I were
• 15:44
  having some marital issues and counselor told me something
• 15:47
  about myself and it was true. But because she told me about
• 15:51
  it, I immediately put up walls and I did not accept it or
• 15:56
  believe it until probably a couple months later when it
• 15:58
  became very clear to me. And ironically enough, I'm, I'm
• 16:02
  chopping up my strawberry pecan salad.
• 16:04
  And my cons, you know, are on this flexible cutting board.
• 16:07
  And I hit the flexible cutting board and it buckles against
• 16:10
  something on the other side of the counter, goes flying in my
• 16:13
  kitchen. And I'm standing there in my
• 16:14
  kitchen going like, oh, this is what the counselor told me.
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  This is who I am but dealing with a codependency.
• 16:21
  I was, I was shocked at how. Codependent because of the
• 16:24
  Picans, no. No, no, nothing to do with
• 16:25
  Picans. No, no, no.
• 16:26
  But I realized I had been really living my life as a codependent
• 16:30
  meaning the way I would say it is.
• 16:32
  I had been trying to rescue people in situations that
• 16:35
  weren't mine. To rescue is gods.
• 16:37
  But I was stepping into that rule, unbeknownst to me, based
• 16:41
  out of my own storyline. And he doesn't want me there.
• 16:44
  I don't want to actually be there.
• 16:46
  But at the time, it's all I knew.
• 16:48
  I was taking care of everybody and everything and I didn't
• 16:51
  realize that that maybe isn't the best spot for me.
• 16:55
  So my point being though, what we realized is if we can guide a
• 16:59
  conversation so that people can connect truth differently maybe
• 17:03
  than they have in the past or seen it differently.
• 17:06
  There's a lot of self revelation there and a hoss right of oh,
• 17:10
  This is why I do this or This is why this is true for me or true
• 17:15
  for that person. Or we can then own it.
• 17:19
  And so if we self discover we tend to own things, and if we
• 17:22
  own things, then it's really easy to move into acting on it,
• 17:25
  into making changes, to be told, for instance, New Year's
• 17:29
  resolutions. I'm just going to put this out
• 17:31
  there because I hope it's true. We don't tend to do it unless we
• 17:36
  actually understand why it's important and beneficial and
• 17:38
  something we must do to get to where we want to go.
• 17:41
  I remember when we did that kind of discovery process.
• 17:45
  I don't know if that's the right term I'm using for, but I we
• 17:48
  were doing it with Joe, Joe and I were doing it with you and we
• 17:50
  went back through childhood and I think it was, was it Gates or
• 17:54
  what were the? Terms pivot.
• 17:55
  Points where it was like, remember a time when you felt
• 17:59
  the first time you felt XY or Z or the first time, you know, you
• 18:03
  had this experience. And I remember what both we had
• 18:07
  the maps and you had this like, you know, papers up of like
• 18:09
  actually like time coding, where in our childhoods and, you know,
• 18:13
  adolescence and even college, like certain things happened
• 18:17
  that were very meaningful for both of us, you know, on our
• 18:20
  different tracks, but that maybe we didn't realize were as
• 18:23
  meaningful as they were because we did something as a kid that
• 18:27
  actually showed us, either taught us maybe a fear or, you
• 18:31
  know, you know, sent us maybe a bit of the wrong direction
• 18:34
  potentially, but God can use that for good.
• 18:36
  Or we discovered we had this ability.
• 18:38
  It's like the kid who goes on stage the first time time in
• 18:42
  musical theater as a little kid and sings their heart out and
• 18:45
  they never forget how they just the way they felt on that stage.
• 18:48
  And that's the kid who later on says, I felt I was born for for
• 18:51
  the stage. I just loved anytime I got on
• 18:53
  the stage or I acted, I loved it.
• 18:54
  Or the kid who for the first time, they got to, you know,
• 18:57
  paint with certain paints or create certain things and they
• 19:00
  just felt so affirmed because they had a talent for it.
• 19:03
  And people said what a great drawing these these certain
• 19:05
  moments, especially around our talents and then also around our
• 19:07
  fears, you know, some of our maybe other even hang ups where
• 19:11
  they help define the way that we see ourselves.
• 19:13
  Absolutely. And that has a huge influence on
• 19:17
  the choices that we make later on, whether we realize it or
• 19:20
  not. So it's so cool.
• 19:21
  But what you do is you help people realize, well, why are
• 19:23
  people choosing? Why did you go to the school?
• 19:25
  Why did you pick that major? Or why might you pick those
• 19:27
  things? Why might you pick that job?
• 19:29
  Why might you pick that spouse or pick that person to date?
• 19:32
  And it always connects back to these core, I think, talents.
• 19:36
  And then also, you know the language better than that.
• 19:38
  I'm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:39
  I'm talking too much because I'm excited about this, but you.
• 19:42
  Well, and I think you could on a good point, Malila, is that it's
• 19:46
  important that who we are is grounded in what we know to be
• 19:50
  true of our story. We can't just say, oh, I want to
• 19:53
  be an actress, right? Or I want to go to the moon, or
• 19:56
  I want to start a business. If we actually don't have some
• 19:59
  of the storyline that supports why we want to do that, do you
• 20:03
  have the giftedness to go there? And so it's one element, but it
• 20:06
  literally is the groundwork on which all the other tools that
• 20:08
  we use are based in. So if we could understand maybe
• 20:12
  inner vows sometimes come out of our storyline, that might not be
• 20:17
  great. Sometimes we call what we call
• 20:19
  distraction systems, right? We pick up some ways to help us.
• 20:23
  Survive our childhood that actually hinder us from thriving
• 20:26
  as adults. So we need to get clear on some
• 20:29
  of that stuff so that we can say, OK, this is this is not
• 20:32
  true, or this is what I picked up, or this is the story I told
• 20:35
  myself along the way. But God has a different story in
• 20:38
  there. And so I think even when we go
• 20:40
  through pivot points, we also notice, wow, there's a lot of
• 20:42
  beauty and there's a lot of joy and there's a lot of darkness
• 20:47
  and there's a lot of pain. I often say, you've heard me say
• 20:50
  this, what I love about my work is we get a front row seat and
• 20:54
  what God's doing in the hearts and lives of men and women
• 20:56
  around us. And my team and I, we also get a
• 21:01
  front row seat on what Satan's been doing and he's pretty
• 21:03
  active too. But the beauty about that is
• 21:07
  stepping into that and seeing what do we do with that
• 21:09
  information. And what you mean when you say
• 21:11
  Satan is active, which he is. We have exorcists on the show.
• 21:13
  We talk about the spiritual battle we're in.
• 21:15
  But when you say Satan is active in people's lives, you're not
• 21:18
  just talking about like, oh, I have a bad temptation.
• 21:19
  You're talking about mindsets that people are operating.
• 21:23
  Under, you know, he's crafty. I mean, when the Bible calls him
• 21:26
  a serpent, it is valid and true. And it seeps in sometimes even
• 21:30
  when we're 3-4 or five, right? And had one client, for
• 21:34
  instance, who grew up in a Christian home.
• 21:37
  There was some chaos in the home.
• 21:39
  She was living with her grandma and was going home after school
• 21:45
  to the grandma's house, which is only about two blocks away from
• 21:47
  elementary school, but passed an old dilapidated building.
• 21:51
  And it was apparently the trend to go run and touch the building
• 21:56
  and prove that you were strong enough, you know, brave enough.
• 21:59
  And so she decided she was going to be braver than that and walk
• 22:02
  in. Well, she unfortunately was
• 22:05
  abused inside by a homeless man. And in the midst of that, that
• 22:10
  has defined her whole storyline. Don't try anything new because
• 22:13
  you're going to get hurt. But the reality is when we sort
• 22:17
  of looked at that, realizing where was God in that situation,
• 22:19
  and I remember this one, Lila, God, literally what she recalls
• 22:24
  sort of in glimpses or the feeling she got was that God was
• 22:27
  actually closing her ears, closing her eyes and holding
• 22:31
  her. And so it completely changed
• 22:35
  that storyline to how can I be who I am, which is take risk and
• 22:43
  trust that God will still be in control of that.
• 22:46
  And it's not easy to make sense of those things.
• 22:50
  They're quite painful, obviously.
• 22:51
  But there's a way that that can be redeemed from God's economy.
• 22:57
  And that's a lot of what we do. Do you have that's incredibly
• 23:00
  powerful? Do you have another story or
• 23:03
  example of how you found sort of the pivot point self discovery
• 23:08
  to be really groundbreaking for somebody?
• 23:12
  Can you believe that it's almost the end of 2024 and soon it will
• 23:16
  be Christmas? If you want time to slow down
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  and focus on God, especially before this Christmas season,
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  then I highly recommend Hallow. As you may know, Hallow is the
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• 23:35
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• 23:38
  free and join the Pray 25 Five Prayer Challenge with Hallow.
• 23:43
  I would say even in my own story, cancer, right?
• 23:46
  I had my first born, had cancer that totally pivoted me and
• 23:51
  multiple people have one that an Olympic athlete won gold and all
• 23:59
  of a sudden realized everything I've been working for for
• 24:02
  literally about a decade at that point in her life was to get
• 24:06
  this one piece of metal. And whereas it was an amazing
• 24:09
  night, it was an incredible victory.
• 24:12
  She had no idea how to translate that.
• 24:14
  So it really sunk her into, I would say depression for quite
• 24:18
  some time until she sort of found her way.
• 24:20
  And we sort of were started working together through the
• 24:22
  life strategy session. And she was able to say, OK,
• 24:24
  what is true? But how did I get gold?
• 24:27
  What were those characteristics in me?
• 24:29
  How did God make me to be able to go there and have that
• 24:32
  dedication and the tenacity, and how can I apply that in a
• 24:37
  different area? So it's not that it's all loss.
• 24:39
  It's just we get to redeploy. And if we redeploy in the areas
• 24:44
  where our hearts are also aligned along with our talents
• 24:46
  and there's a lot of joy, a lot of fulfillment.
• 24:50
  I'd love to talk about the talent stuff more because I
• 24:52
  think that was really eye opening for me when we did our
• 24:55
  session. I remember, you know, because
• 24:59
  I've always loved it like this personality test, temperament
• 25:01
  stuff, like I've kind of done all the tests taken, all that.
• 25:04
  There's the big 5, obviously, like Jordan Peterson has his
• 25:07
  version you can take and you know, how neurotic am I or, you
• 25:10
  know, whatever it is or how open am a lot of them maybe are.
• 25:14
  Temple Yeah, there's I mean, it's all interesting stuff,
• 25:16
  right? And they all have the truth in
• 25:18
  them. I think they really do.
• 25:20
  That being said, what I love about the approach that you take
• 25:22
  is the the, the process to identify or uncover what are the
• 25:27
  top, let's say, what is it? Is it three or four or five
• 25:30
  talents? We usually do about 33.
• 25:32
  OK. I think that's what I remember.
• 25:33
  It's like can we do four or five?
• 25:34
  It's like just. We're going to focus it on.
• 25:38
  What are the three things that are really unique that you feel
• 25:41
  really like the, the, you know, the the pleasure of God and like
• 25:45
  you really feel like this is something that I get, I've been
• 25:48
  praised at for a long time, people, you know, it brings joy,
• 25:51
  it brings life. There's a natural affinity to
• 25:54
  it. There's a natural ability there.
• 25:56
  And I think identifying those and, and getting as as specific
• 25:59
  as possible too. I think it's powerful because
• 26:01
  there's something that you do, I think can be really life
• 26:04
  changing. And I want to just before
• 26:07
  hearing you share about that, go to the Bible and in Matthew, and
• 26:11
  I know you use this in Matthew 2514.
• 26:14
  It's the parable of the 14 to 30, the parable of the talents.
• 26:16
  And I just want to read this because I think this is one of
• 26:19
  the things that has both haunted and encouraged me this verse,
• 26:22
  these verses. It haunts me when I when I am
• 26:26
  not virtuous and I know that I am slacking on using this one's
• 26:32
  precious life to do work for our good loving Father in heaven
• 26:35
  with the talents that he entrusted me with because
• 26:37
  there's a trust that God has given each person by investing
• 26:41
  the beautiful things that he gives each one uniquely
• 26:44
  different from everybody else. And if we're not using them in
• 26:48
  faith for him, there's a cost there.
• 26:51
  And so it says his master. So they're talking about the,
• 26:55
  the parable of the talents is the, the, the different servants
• 26:58
  who are given different number of talents.
• 27:00
  And it says, for it will be like a man going on a journey who
• 27:03
  called his servants and entrusted them his property to
• 27:06
  1. He gave 5 talents to another two
• 27:08
  to another one to each according to his ability.
• 27:11
  So everybody got something different.
• 27:12
  Then he went away. And then it says that the he who
• 27:16
  received the five talents when talents went at once and traded
• 27:19
  them and he made five talents more.
• 27:21
  And then the two talents made two more, the man with two
• 27:23
  talents. And then he who received the one
• 27:25
  talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's
• 27:27
  money. He buried it and he had just the
• 27:30
  one one and he he was because he was afraid because he was maybe
• 27:34
  upset that he only had one who knows or whatever.
• 27:38
  He was distracted. He buried his talent and then
• 27:40
  they go forward to the master, the fight, the guy with the five
• 27:43
  who made the five more Master, you delivered to me 5 talents
• 27:46
  here or five more. The master says well done, good
• 27:49
  and faithful servant. The guy with the two says here's
• 27:52
  my 2 talents and the two more and he says well done, good and
• 27:55
  faithful servant. You've been faithful over a
• 27:57
  little. I will set you over much enter
• 28:00
  in the into the joy of your master.
• 28:03
  And then the last guy says, Master, I knew you to be a hard
• 28:06
  man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you
• 28:08
  scattered no seed. So I was afraid, and I went and
• 28:10
  hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.
• 28:14
  But his master said, you wicked and slothful servant, you knew
• 28:17
  that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I've
• 28:20
  scattered no seed. You ought to have invested the
• 28:22
  money with the bankers. At least I would have had
• 28:25
  interest. So take the talent from him and
• 28:27
  give it to the one who has 10, For to everyone who has will
• 28:31
  more be given and he will have an abundance, but the one who
• 28:34
  has not even what he has will be taken away.
• 28:38
  I know you, I know you, I know you return to this a lot.
• 28:41
  What? Tell me your philosophy around
• 28:43
  this and then how you apply it. People should apply it.
• 28:46
  You know, I love this part of it.
• 28:49
  So here's what's really interesting about those
• 28:51
  collection of verses is Jesus is speaking to his disciples,
• 28:55
  right? So he's talking to them about
• 28:59
  talents, for instance, at that time was a significant sum.
• 29:02
  It was as about a month's worth of wages.
• 29:04
  So it's not a small endeavor to to do this, but this master was
• 29:12
  also very unusual. And the fact that he's letting
• 29:14
  his servants have these investments while he's gone,
• 29:18
  that wasn't necessarily the case or the typical pieces of that
• 29:22
  day and age. So what's fascinating though,
• 29:25
  is, you know, I used to always come to that verse and say, oh,
• 29:28
  you know, it's 5 talents, 2 and one.
• 29:30
  It's like pieces of candy, right?
• 29:32
  And I have three boys. And so if I, at this point, when
• 29:35
  I first started doing this work, would give, you know, 1-7 year
• 29:38
  old A5 pieces of candy, the next 1-2 and the third one.
• 29:43
  And I left the room, Lila, I can guarantee you there'd be a
• 29:46
  squabbling mess. There would be wrestling.
• 29:49
  There'd be candies flying against the wall.
• 29:52
  I would hear things like, why'd I get, you know, only one?
• 29:55
  And I got 5. You know, you could just picture
• 29:57
  it. I mean, every mom I think can
• 29:58
  get this if we're real, right? There's none of that.
• 30:02
  And it really comes down to that verse you read of according to
• 30:06
  their abilities. In other words, the person with
• 30:09
  two talents looks at the one with five and is like, those are
• 30:13
  completely hers. That is fantastic.
• 30:16
  How can I help her go and bless the world with them?
• 30:20
  And the gal with five talents is looking with a guy with two and
• 30:22
  is like, those are so him. How how can I support you?
• 30:26
  Right. They don't want the other's
• 30:27
  talents because they recognize they're not theirs.
• 30:30
  And I think we missed that sometimes.
• 30:32
  But then obviously the question comes in is what are my talents?
• 30:35
  But here's what's really interesting is servant #1 and
• 30:38
  two invested it, right? They actually the Greek there,
• 30:43
  fascinatingly, I think is the in the original Greek is actually
• 30:46
  the word for manual labor. So it's not that they invested
• 30:50
  with the bank or they invested it with somebody else.
• 30:52
  They actually had to physically go work that talent themself.
• 30:56
  And I think that's so important when we realize what are true
• 30:58
  talents. It's something that only we can
• 31:00
  work with, not everybody. And then you get, of course, get
• 31:05
  to the masters ending of that when he talks about I think the
• 31:11
  message translators from now on be my partner.
• 31:15
  The idea of partnership with God is is fantastic there.
• 31:19
  And the reason why is we have talents and Lila God is going to
• 31:23
  use our talents with or without our support and knowledge.
• 31:26
  He can't and he will, but what would it look like to actually
• 31:29
  do that in partnership in tandem with God when we know our
• 31:34
  talents and we're stepping into the things He's calling us to
• 31:36
  do? And then of course, you
• 31:38
  conscious that was servant #3 and it's very clear there two
• 31:42
  things were going on for him. One was fear.
• 31:44
  He's very clear I was afraid. And the second thing he says,
• 31:47
  because you were a hard man, he had an inaccurate view of God.
• 31:51
  And I think both need to sort of be looked at and addressed.
• 31:55
  And again, we do this in the life strategy session of what
• 31:57
  are the fears that will hold us back that maybe aren't true?
• 32:00
  And conversely, how do we see God Again, we work with a lot of
• 32:04
  non believers as well or people who don't believe in God.
• 32:07
  But it starts begging that question of what do we believe
• 32:10
  is true about God? Is he good?
• 32:13
  Is he somebody as a taskmaster? Because how we show up in life
• 32:17
  will be in response to that inner, inner belief.
• 32:20
  And so we talked through that. So, so the biggest issues with
• 32:23
  the guy who hit his talent in terms of, you know, this whole
• 32:27
  product of discovering our own talent is first of all, he was
• 32:30
  afraid of using it. It sounds like everylife.com is
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• 33:17
  mom and a baby in need. Yeah, afraid of using this gift?
• 33:22
  And we didn't even know what a gift he had.
• 33:23
  Maybe. Correct.
• 33:24
  But he's also, he just says I was afraid.
• 33:27
  And Lila, a lot of us live afraid, right?
• 33:30
  Because we think something is true because of maybe one
• 33:35
  incident, but it informs sort of our storyline for the world.
• 33:38
  And so we have to dismantle that at some point to uncover those
• 33:41
  fears and to really look at them.
• 33:43
  Are they valid? So what are some examples of
• 33:46
  these unique talents? Can we talk about yours that we
• 33:48
  talked about yesterday? Let's talk about mine.
• 33:50
  Sure. So.
• 33:52
  One of yours is a bold activator.
• 33:54
  Remembering yours. This is a great coach right
• 33:57
  here. But it was so true and it was so
• 33:59
  timely what we were talking through yesterday about some of
• 34:03
  the pieces that for you right now feel I would say less than
• 34:08
  fulfilled. Let's just call it that way.
• 34:10
  It's probably because we're sitting, you are sitting more on
• 34:12
  the sidelines of what you know to be something that you need to
• 34:15
  step into. But knowing that that's your
• 34:18
  giftedness and your calling and part of your makeup and your
• 34:21
  wiring and the talents that God's given you to deploy in the
• 34:24
  world around you. It's like, oh, you're talking
• 34:27
  about yesterday. Of course, this is the.
• 34:28
  What's holding me back right now is I'm not using that in this
• 34:31
  area and I want. To and it's so life giving
• 34:35
  because even our conversation yesterday and like, Oh yeah,
• 34:38
  bold activation is something that God has given me and I have
• 34:41
  used it in the past. And that's when God has opened
• 34:43
  the biggest doors for I believe work, good work for him.
• 34:46
  And it's when I'm not living in that space and I'm whether it's
• 34:50
  because of fear or distraction or I'm just doing too many of
• 34:53
  the wrong things, whatever it might be, that's when there can
• 34:56
  be that angst that enters in. Because you mentioned the angst
• 34:59
  word earlier. And I think angst can be
• 35:02
  something we should always offer to God to help us, but we're not
• 35:05
  supposed to live in angst, especially as children of God.
• 35:08
  Like that is not from the Holy Spirit.
• 35:10
  Angst is not from the Holy Spirit.
• 35:11
  Now, he might convict us, but he doesn't leave us in angst.
• 35:13
  He gives us peace. The fruit of the Spirit is peace
• 35:16
  among many other beautiful fruits.
• 35:18
  And so that that was very like, you know, just encouraging for
• 35:21
  me yesterday. It's like, oh, I'm supposed to
• 35:23
  be in that space now that will look different at different
• 35:25
  seasons. And then we even talk about what
• 35:27
  does it mean to be a bold activator with my own kids,
• 35:29
  because that can be miss applied.
• 35:31
  You can miss apply your talents, especially in different
• 35:34
  environments or circumstances, but I but yeah, so this even
• 35:38
  let's just take bold activator because I'm sure there's someone
• 35:40
  else out there who has a bold activation talent.
• 35:42
  It's not like, yes, it is unique to me in my packaging of it, but
• 35:46
  there's. Other talents it's uniquely for
• 35:49
  Lila but other people might have something similar and or one of
• 35:52
  yours. So when you identify a talent
• 35:54
  like the top three talents in someone, what process do you use
• 35:57
  to identify them and then how do you define them?
• 36:00
  Yeah, great question. So it's, you know, I could talk
• 36:04
  about this all day. It's a fun in that process of
• 36:08
  discovery. So we look at things like what
• 36:10
  are your passions? What's true about your
• 36:13
  experiences? How would people describe you?
• 36:15
  What do you actually really love to do?
• 36:17
  Where are you most alive? And what we start doing, it's
• 36:20
  literally a treasure hunt. And we've designed a system, an
• 36:24
  app basically, where you sort of walk through this process and
• 36:29
  come out with three key talents that actually takes sort of the
• 36:33
  presenting pieces of what you're really good at in terms of
• 36:36
  strengths, but actually goes deeper in terms of what's really
• 36:39
  true that might show up. Yes, in that strength I love,
• 36:41
  but also in that experience, in that job that you really liked,
• 36:45
  maybe it wasn't there in that previous position or with that
• 36:49
  person you were dating back then, right.
• 36:51
  And so it becomes this like non negotiable of if we can sort of
• 36:56
  take our, the time and really dialogue about what is true
• 37:00
  about that treasure hunt that we're going to or to discover
• 37:04
  those 3 talents, they should be completely unique.
• 37:07
  They should be completely stand alone.
• 37:10
  So you could maybe have one talent as your parenting your
• 37:14
  kids this morning, but maybe then as you're talking to your
• 37:16
  husband later, you employ 2 talents.
• 37:18
  Does that make sense? So it's not all the same, it's
• 37:20
  not always continually present, but when we can step into life
• 37:25
  through the lens of our talents and we are over the majority
• 37:29
  using at least one of those, we feel alive, we feel fulfilled.
• 37:33
  And so it could be everything from an intentional creator, a
• 37:36
  strategic connector, a visionary strategist, it could look like
• 37:43
  some type of an achiever. And again, it comes out of the
• 37:46
  person. So you know, there's tons of
• 37:49
  different ways it could come out.
• 37:50
  There's thousands of different ways that it could be uniquely
• 37:54
  applied. And so if you recall, it's a
• 37:56
  dialogue. We fine tune those.
• 37:58
  We look at what's true and we need to look back in our
• 38:02
  storyline, have multiple examples of how this is playing
• 38:05
  out to the point where you and and joke is working with you
• 38:09
  guys as a couple and with other clients.
• 38:11
  You know that, you know that you know that this is absolutely the
• 38:13
  core essence of your talents. You can't tell, but, and really
• 38:18
  what I'm looking for as a guide in this whole process is are you
• 38:21
  lighting up? You can't help but smile because
• 38:23
  you know it's true. And can you not help but give me
• 38:25
  example after example of example of where that was at play.
• 38:29
  That's how we know the talent is there.
• 38:30
  Now, do we change a word or two in 20 years?
• 38:33
  Sure, right. But if we look back from a
• 38:37
  worldview perspective, wouldn't God want us to know how He's
• 38:41
  created us uniquely? And a key piece of that is
• 38:44
  talents. And then we take talents and
• 38:46
  along with some other tools like mission, like where's our
• 38:48
  heartbeat for thinking zone, core values, things like that.
• 38:52
  We can also start putting that together and figuring out what's
• 38:55
  our unique purpose? How do we sort of synthesize it
• 38:58
  together in a way that God looks at us and is like, this is who
• 39:02
  she is, this is who he is? There's a few other things you
• 39:05
  mentioned that I want to make sure we talked about in this
• 39:06
  episode, which are the core values.
• 39:09
  And then also the thinking wavelength.
• 39:11
  Thinking wavelength we have used at live action for years.
• 39:14
  It has been so helpful to my team.
• 39:16
  Excuse me, it's a thinking zone. I'm very, I love the thinking
• 39:18
  zone. I think it's so useful and I've
• 39:20
  used it for years. And then I do it as a dinner
• 39:22
  party trick. Sometimes people are over it.
• 39:23
  I'm like, let's do your thinking zone.
• 39:26
  And they are like, OK, but people really don't know what to
• 39:29
  do with using that live action for years too.
• 39:31
  So it's been super helpful in helping understand the way that
• 39:34
  someone's wired to think when it comes to work or personal life
• 39:37
  and why some things are harder, something some things are easier
• 39:40
  with the goal being in your sweet spot.
• 39:41
  So I want to hear you. I'd love to hear you share about
• 39:45
  that. Absolutely.
• 39:46
  So keep in mind, we're all naturally wired by God to think
• 39:52
  through process, do life in certain different areas in terms
• 39:58
  of how we're naturally wired to show up.
• 39:59
  And so there's really two axes we've realized after working
• 40:02
  with again, thousands of clients, which is really a lot
• 40:06
  of people are very concrete thinkers and some others are
• 40:08
  very conceptual thinkers. So that's sort of 1 extreme.
• 40:11
  But then you also have folks who really start their thinking
• 40:14
  process from a a place of collaboration.
• 40:17
  They want to start a dialogue with somebody and then be
• 40:19
  released to do their own independent work.
• 40:22
  And you also have others who are best when they do their own
• 40:25
  independent thinking and they can come and collaborate.
• 40:28
  Sometimes I say be forced to collaborate with others and
• 40:31
  actually share that thinking and mind that thinking.
• 40:33
  And So what we've realized along the years is if we know what who
• 40:37
  we are in that thinking zone and we can relate that to a role, we
• 40:42
  want to spend about 70% of our time in that role or we'll start
• 40:45
  hearing things Lila like we're stupid.
• 40:48
  This is beyond her or him and. Or you have ADHD.
• 40:52
  Yes, yes, you, but you're not in the right.
• 40:55
  Role and. Direct.
• 40:56
  There's something. Wrong with you and you need to
• 40:58
  be medicated or I mean, again, there's some real legitimate
• 41:01
  health issues where people need medication for it.
• 41:03
  But my point is, if you're not in in a kind of work or a
• 41:06
  lifestyle there you you're in your thinking zone.
• 41:08
  You said 70% of the time you can start to feel really burnt out,
• 41:12
  really drained, or you can literally physically get sick.
• 41:15
  Absolutely. And we often say if you are 80%,
• 41:19
  you know, I'm sorry, if you're 70% outside of your thinking
• 41:22
  zone day in, day out, in your role in particular, you have
• 41:25
  about 18 months before you're either going to be fired or you
• 41:27
  will quit. So take your pick.
• 41:30
  So sometimes that is the presenting issue, why people are
• 41:33
  come to see us. They know they're in the wrong
• 41:35
  role, but they don't know why. And that often can be a huge
• 41:38
  aha. But here's something interesting
• 41:39
  too is how often, Lily, do we have friendships or siblings or
• 41:46
  kids whose thinking zone might be different than ours?
• 41:50
  And we spend so much of our time and effort trying to get them
• 41:52
  aligned to how we are naturally wired to think and do life that
• 41:56
  we've actually stopped missing the beauty of who they are now.
• 42:00
  It's good with kids. For instance, God is infinite
• 42:02
  wisdom gave us as parents, so we need to we want to honor that
• 42:06
  too in terms of how we parent. But each of our children is
• 42:10
  different. And they're different from us.
• 42:12
  And so how do we release them to be fully who they are?
• 42:15
  Here's what comes super important.
• 42:16
  And way back when, we've done a lot of work with some college
• 42:19
  students, sort of like exiting college.
• 42:21
  What's my first job? What do I need to do?
• 42:24
  Is this the right major? A lot of of that sort of younger
• 42:27
  population. And we've worked with everybody
• 42:29
  from I say 17 year olds to 81 year olds.
• 42:31
  So keep that in mind, but I remember at one point we were
• 42:34
  doing a lot of work with this sort of age group.
• 42:37
  Ariel took one of the, you know, college prep tests or not
• 42:42
  college preps, but like, what should your major be?
• 42:44
  What would you be really good at it from a career standpoint?
• 42:47
  And Lila, he went through the whole process from who he really
• 42:51
  is. And my husband, you know, is
• 42:53
  very similar to you, is very an abstract thinker, very can
• 42:59
  follow through, but has way more thoughts and they can execute
• 43:01
  all the time, right, and follow through.
• 43:04
  But you have way more thoughts, right?
• 43:06
  I'm talking about joking about myself.
• 43:07
  Well. And he would totally agree with
• 43:09
  you, by the way, right? So but he, he does think that
• 43:12
  way. And he's always felt like he's
• 43:15
  not enough because he can't stay one thing for too long.
• 43:18
  But society wants us to, right? So he took this test, he gets to
• 43:22
  the end of the test and it comes up that he should be a petroleum
• 43:25
  engineer and Lila, I started laughing, like doubled over,
• 43:30
  can't stop laughing. Adielle Adielle yes, he should
• 43:33
  be a petroleum engineer and the. Test was this.
• 43:35
  I don't even remember it was. So some college kids.
• 43:38
  Right, like what you should be doing for the rest of your some?
• 43:41
  Tool out there and. Some tool.
• 43:42
  Personal development tool, that is Absolutely, yeah.
• 43:45
  And here's the irony is when I finally stopped laughing and
• 43:48
  which he didn't appreciate, by the way, he's like, what do you
• 43:49
  mean? Like, why are you laughing so
• 43:51
  hard? I was like, I've got tears
• 43:53
  screaming down my face because I'm like, he.
• 43:55
  Took it as if he was a college student, but here's the thing,
• 43:59
  he would. Blow up the plant in one day.
• 44:01
  I am absolutely convinced because.
• 44:03
  It'd be like, why an economy is struggling, because we don't.
• 44:06
  We don't. I mean, honestly, yeah,
• 44:08
  honestly, why is the US economy struggling or why would any
• 44:11
  economy struggle if the people are not free, first of all, to
• 44:14
  do what they're called? Designed to do.
• 44:17
  Designed to do and if there isn't good systems to help
• 44:20
  cultivate an awareness and a self-awareness like this kid,
• 44:25
  no, he should not be spending four years studying, you know
• 44:29
  you know English necessarily like maybe he's he loves he's
• 44:32
  tactile he's spatial he loves his working with his hands like
• 44:36
  send this kid to trade school. I'm not saying and by the way,
• 44:39
  I'm a huge liberal arts education person.
• 44:40
  I love the liberal arts, but I do think we forget sometimes
• 44:45
  that people are not just minds to think and dream and idiot,
• 44:49
  but that we're also bodily human beings that like to do or are
• 44:53
  interested or wired certain ways.
• 44:55
  And we should, I think, better develop that in individuals for
• 44:58
  economic reasons as well as, obviously their personal
• 45:00
  reasons. Absolutely.
• 45:01
  And even like if you think through like your own
• 45:04
  organization, right, you have you want people on that whole
• 45:06
  continuum, so to speak of the thinking zone because we don't
• 45:11
  want you doing admin work because it probably won't
• 45:14
  happen. Love you to pieces, but no
• 45:16
  right. But we also don't want somebody
• 45:18
  who's really. Did not trust me to mail your
• 45:20
  mail for you. There's a.
• 45:22
  Story there, I will get you a coffee like because that's
• 45:25
  hospitality. But if someone gave me their
• 45:27
  like expense report and said please file your file the
• 45:29
  receipts. I mean, I would do it obviously
• 45:31
  if it absolutely needed to be done.
• 45:32
  But yes, yes, I'm not the best. Person for things.
• 45:34
  I'm the person who had the great aunt totally tell me that I was
• 45:37
  late with all of my wedding thank yous and I backdated them
• 45:42
  literally on the on the postal machine.
• 45:43
  Yes, yeah, it's a bad story. But we don't want you
• 45:47
  necessarily doing admin work. We need you to ideate.
• 45:50
  And so the whole premise of the thinking zone is if we actually
• 45:54
  can own who we really are and how God wired us to think and
• 45:58
  then step into that and spend 70% of our time there, we would
• 46:01
  actually thrive. And it's true with parenting.
• 46:04
  We were talking a little bit about this yesterday.
• 46:06
  You were saying, like Joe, because he's more in the middle
• 46:08
  as a builder, he's more stable for showing up with the kids,
• 46:13
  right? Hope you do OK if I talk to
• 46:16
  guys. Yeah.
• 46:16
  He is much more. His schedule's much more
• 46:19
  naturally predictable. He loves to routines and it's
• 46:23
  little kids that's good for little kids.
• 46:24
  It's. Fantastic, So.
• 46:25
  That's been as me as a mother and I'll just share on on the
• 46:28
  show. 1 of the things we were talking about is like how to be
• 46:31
  the mother that they need and deserve and have the routines in
• 46:35
  a way that aren't going to drive me crazy or make me feel like
• 46:38
  I'm all wrong. Because certain kinds of
• 46:40
  routines are really hard for me temperamentally, you know, in
• 46:44
  my, in my, in my giftings and stuff.
• 46:45
  So, but there are ways that you can lean into, I think your
• 46:49
  strengths even as a mother, even have very young children that I
• 46:53
  still kind of utilize your giftings while still meeting
• 46:56
  their needs and making their childhood also hopefully unique,
• 46:59
  you know, and beautiful. But again, it comes back to
• 47:01
  Goddess Wisdom gave you as their mother.
• 47:04
  And that's true for all of your listeners who might be in this
• 47:07
  parenting stage where it seems like why me, right?
• 47:10
  The reality is you, each of us is uniquely chosen in that.
• 47:14
  And so how do we lean into that versus trying to be like our
• 47:18
  next door neighbor or being like so and so because they're seem
• 47:20
  to be doing it better. And and once we can step into
• 47:24
  that more fully, there's so much freedom in that.
• 47:26
  And then I would say the kids, their kids will all be
• 47:29
  different. They may or may not be like us,
• 47:31
  Lila. So how do we help them
• 47:34
  understand how they naturally think and see that as a good
• 47:38
  thing? It might be different than mom
• 47:40
  and dad, but this is how you are wired and that's a really solid
• 47:44
  thing. It's amazing because I can
• 47:45
  already see it. So in my 2 boys, we've got two
• 47:48
  boys and a little girl and, you know, 5, almost 5, just turned
• 47:51
  3, seven months. And my eldest, he is so
• 47:55
  analytical. He's such a deep thinker.
• 47:57
  He can brood. He is incredibly good with
• 47:59
  language. And he's already kind of like,
• 48:02
  you know, mulling over the thing that happened a few hours ago
• 48:05
  sometimes or thinking about something is going to happen in
• 48:07
  the future. My next son is in the moment,
• 48:11
  things will roll off his back. He might have a short reaction
• 48:13
  to something, but he's like thinking in the moment he gets,
• 48:16
  you know, he wants to be where the where the party is.
• 48:18
  He's less in his head and he's more in, in a way, his body,
• 48:21
  like he's just living his life. So again, part of that's age,
• 48:23
  but part of that I think really is temperament because I
• 48:25
  remember when my eldest was his age, the my younger son's age,
• 48:29
  he was still kind of more quiet, more, more reserved, more in his
• 48:31
  head. And you know, I haven't done the
• 48:34
  thinking zone on them yet. How should you at this?
• 48:37
  Yeah, I was just going to say young.
• 48:38
  So let me caution. That I think probably 1617 will
• 48:42
  be clear, Yeah, give them some time, yeah, But you can start to
• 48:44
  see the pieces. Already the pieces already and
• 48:46
  it's so it's beautiful to get to see it.
• 48:49
  And then you have different ways that you may interact with each
• 48:52
  one in terms of what brings them life, you know, what gets them
• 48:56
  going. Why they drown a certain
• 48:58
  activities versus the others right?
• 49:00
  Like I have 3 kids who are all over on the thinking zone and
• 49:05
  the one who's probably closer to where you're at and and Adi and
• 49:09
  my husband as an adventure would just started at Point Loma.
• 49:14
  He's already joined the rugby team, which I was in shock that
• 49:17
  rugby you do not have helmets. I'm like who in today's age does
• 49:20
  a sport without a helmet? That's physical contact.
• 49:22
  I don't understand. But that's him.
• 49:25
  He's going to be high risk, high reward versus my middle kid.
• 49:29
  He'd be like, that's dumb. Like why would we do that?
• 49:32
  Right. And he's right in some sort of
• 49:33
  context and he is everybody. We need the person saying we
• 49:36
  should try to go to the moon, you know, the Elon Musk's and
• 49:39
  then we need the people that say that actually is probably a dumb
• 49:42
  thing or let's make sure we do XY and Z before we try to do the
• 49:45
  crazy thing and absolutely can put the put the thing together.
• 49:48
  And then at the the other side of the wavelength from the crazy
• 49:51
  adventure is the. I mean, there's detailers, we
• 49:54
  call them detailers and we also have protectors and who so
• 50:00
  detailers really like very concrete things, really thrive
• 50:03
  in being in the weeds could stay at the same job for the rest of
• 50:06
  their lives. Don't don't want change.
• 50:09
  Then we have what we call the protectors.
• 50:11
  Those are also sort of in that continuum.
• 50:14
  They they like a lot of structure, but they like what I
• 50:18
  call the crazy lady everyday, like one off to keep them on
• 50:20
  their toes, right, to keep them learning, growing.
• 50:23
  And then we have the supporters and those are the cheerleaders.
• 50:26
  They still thrive in the concrete world and knowing sort
• 50:29
  of the details. They they are best
• 50:31
  operationally, but they have a little bit more of an ability
• 50:36
  maybe to really want to have a team in terms of how they
• 50:40
  process what they're going through versus it as an
• 50:43
  individual. Then you have your builders,
• 50:45
  which is where Joe is sort of right, sort of continue where
• 50:47
  they can see and appreciate both ends of it.
• 50:50
  So they thrive sort of in this concrete piece of getting,
• 50:53
  wanting the details, one of the specifics and knowing what is
• 50:57
  needed of them to deliver. They make great chief operating.
• 51:01
  Officers, they make fantastic Cos they can sort of see and
• 51:05
  appreciate what's around the corner and know that we need to
• 51:07
  change things today to get there, which is a great COO
• 51:10
  right because they can sort of see and appreciate both ends of
• 51:12
  this. Then as we keep going around the
• 51:14
  continue, we also have discoverers and they like to
• 51:17
  know sort of what's what's happening in the in the future.
• 51:21
  They're more developmental, more opportunistic, but they also
• 51:25
  want to start their thinking process very collaboratively and
• 51:29
  then again move towards independent work.
• 51:31
  But they want to know what that big goal is that they can go get
• 51:33
  it, but they need to know what they're shooting for adventures.
• 51:37
  Where you would find yourself is really somebody who's, you know,
• 51:41
  sort of the Sky's the limit. Starting your thinking process
• 51:44
  more from an independent standpoint, moving towards
• 51:47
  collaboration, thriving more in a not in the details.
• 51:50
  That's the worst thing we could do for you, but helping you to
• 51:53
  really thrive and sort of ideation and conceptualizing.
• 51:56
  And then last but not least, we have what we call our
• 51:58
  innovators. Those are sort of those people
• 52:00
  in the world that think why build a car if we can go to the
• 52:03
  moon, right thinking out-of-the-box.
• 52:07
  So conceptually that often it's hard for people to track
• 52:10
  sometimes, but we need those people to keep thinking not just
• 52:13
  how do we reinvent what we're doing, but actually how do we go
• 52:17
  back and re ask the question differently.
• 52:20
  And those are what we call very on the, the different extremes.
• 52:24
  I'm a discoverer. I'm a solid discoverer and it
• 52:26
  makes so much sense for my sales background.
• 52:29
  I like to know that there's a big chase.
• 52:31
  I know what to go for, but I want to be set loose to go get
• 52:34
  it myself. So here's the thing.
• 52:36
  Take the test. Take the test right go.
• 52:38
  This on our website. Wait, a free test or an
• 52:40
  adventure 'cause I'm a nine? Yes.
• 52:43
  So the women, this one is because of that kind of the
• 52:45
  collaboration piece of it that now we've added to it, the bar
• 52:49
  edges are really extreme. OK, so you're in that the 8. 911
• 52:52
  over there adventure. Yeah.
• 52:54
  No, you're definitely over there.
• 52:55
  Yeah, OK. The test is free.
• 52:57
  Test is free. Guys, we'll put it at the.
• 52:59
  Yeah, go go online and figure it out and have your friends do it,
• 53:04
  your kids do it, your spouse do it, and there's some tools there
• 53:07
  about how to even collaborate with other people.
• 53:09
  How do you show up well with others?
• 53:11
  What does this mean for you? What are maybe some potential
• 53:13
  good job opportunities to consider?
• 53:15
  And as always, if you have questions, you can always reach
• 53:17
  out to us. So there's so much more we could
• 53:19
  talk about, but I wanted to do one more thing, make sure we did
• 53:22
  it today. And that's the family value
• 53:23
  stuff. Yeah, because I think that's
• 53:25
  such a great, great tool to use. I know for Joe and I, when we
• 53:28
  went through that with you guys and anyone can do it, which is
• 53:31
  another cool thing why I want to share it.
• 53:32
  It's on the website. And you, anyone can kind of just
• 53:34
  do this and maybe people listening have already done
• 53:36
  this. And you can do this with your
• 53:38
  spouse as your family. You can also do this
• 53:40
  individually. And then you'll adjust your
• 53:43
  values if you get married by melding them with a new person.
• 53:47
  But tell us about values. Yeah.
• 53:49
  So core values, it's really interesting, Lila, if we write
• 53:54
  down or or put together aspirational values, they aren't
• 53:58
  sticky. But again, if they're based in
• 54:01
  our storyline and we can have several examples of how this has
• 54:03
  already played up or played out for us over life, all of a
• 54:07
  sudden they become very real. So we, we define core values
• 54:10
  very differently, probably the most, and we see that those are
• 54:13
  the values that have already defined and dictated how you do
• 54:16
  life. So to some extent God has used
• 54:19
  your storyline to define those and to your, your life has
• 54:24
  already processed through that. It's almost as if your life is
• 54:27
  going swimmingly well in your river of life.
• 54:29
  Core values of the riverbanks. So sometimes we can find core
• 54:32
  values when the riverbanks are set and solid and we're like,
• 54:35
  wow, this is good. And, and this is present
• 54:38
  sometimes we find core values when life feels very violated.
• 54:41
  And I use that word intentionally here.
• 54:42
  And we see that they they are no longer there.
• 54:46
  And so there's. Somewhere, accidentally or by
• 54:49
  choice, living a life that isn't core isn't a violation of things
• 54:52
  that are a core value. And we don't even fully realize
• 54:55
  that. Yes, and that's why maybe
• 54:56
  there's so much angst. Yes, or the internal angst for
• 55:00
  sure. It could be that the company
• 55:01
  maybe has changed and that's no longer present.
• 55:03
  You can't operate with your core values intact because of the
• 55:05
  company or the boss. Sometimes when we're dating
• 55:09
  somebody, we don't maybe know why it's not working out.
• 55:12
  We can look to those core values and go, oh, I value this and
• 55:16
  that's not a value to them. Now you don't have to do the
• 55:19
  exact same. So I want to be careful.
• 55:20
  That's a big one though, because I, I was just, you know, talking
• 55:24
  to some people recently about dating and core values.
• 55:27
  You know, a lot of young women that I know who are in the
• 55:29
  dating world and trying to figure that out and in
• 55:32
  relationships or getting in and out of relationships.
• 55:35
  And that's been a big conversation of these core
• 55:37
  values because I think it's easy not to realize that you have
• 55:40
  them. Like everyone has the value.
• 55:42
  Usually I'm talking to you like, OK, I believe in God.
• 55:44
  I want to raise my kids in the faith.
• 55:46
  I want to be a good mom. I want them.
• 55:48
  You know, we're going to be faithful to our marriages, like
• 55:50
  things like this, right? We're going to go to church,
• 55:52
  we're going to pray. But things like, oh, I feel
• 55:56
  called to still, you know, fight for life in my marriage, like be
• 56:01
  involved in ministry work and like use these skills or I feel
• 56:05
  called to homeschool. I really want to homeschool.
• 56:07
  And the guys like, not into homeschooling or whatever it is.
• 56:11
  And that is connected to this core value that yes, it is
• 56:14
  possible to compromise certain things, but it has to, at the
• 56:17
  end, bring peace. You can't do it if you're still
• 56:20
  in the inks. You shouldn't be, I would say in
• 56:22
  a relationship, but there's still inks there.
• 56:23
  Absolutely. And it's not that whoever we're
• 56:26
  dating, for instance, or even married to has the exact same as
• 56:30
  our individual core values, but they intuitively know and
• 56:34
  respect ours and vice versa for them as well.
• 56:37
  And that's why, you know, I have a posse of girlfriends that I've
• 56:40
  known for decades and decades, and they don't have my same core
• 56:44
  values, probably. I know they don't, but I
• 56:48
  appreciate and value theirs and they appreciate and no mind.
• 56:51
  Intuitively, it's not like we probably have had a conversation
• 56:53
  about it, at least with some of them, but that's OK.
• 56:56
  But sometimes when we have a conversation with somebody and
• 56:58
  it leaves us raw, I say 9 out of 10 times, go back and look at
• 57:02
  this core value list and that'll explain exactly what just went
• 57:05
  down. And sometimes we don't know
• 57:06
  meaning. There's a disagreement or
• 57:08
  something that was offensive one one way or the other, or
• 57:11
  disconnect. I remember 1 gentleman that was
• 57:13
  a client was saying they had a conversation with a business
• 57:16
  partner and it just left them feeling like something's off and
• 57:19
  they couldn't put their finger on it.
• 57:21
  And in the process of doing the exercise of figuring their core
• 57:24
  values, realized that's what was going on.
• 57:26
  What was it that particular was integrity?
• 57:29
  And it's not that the guy wasn't trying to do right.
• 57:32
  It's just the fact that the value wasn't as deeply held.
• 57:35
  And so he would do a little things on the Gray zone.
• 57:37
  Yeah. And that finally became the
• 57:40
  issue where they parted ways. So core values do define and
• 57:43
  dictate. And sometimes what we've learned
• 57:46
  is sometimes in you and I have been situations, I'm sure
• 57:49
  everyone has, where something's off, but we can't quite put our
• 57:53
  finger on it. And it really, most of the time,
• 57:56
  I would say all the time comes back to those core values, what
• 57:59
  just happened, what went down. And conversely, though, when
• 58:02
  we're really in a sweet spot in life and life you knows, all
• 58:05
  roses and beautiful, you know, and all we can see is rainbows,
• 58:09
  sometimes it's because we can see those core values are very
• 58:12
  clear, they're respected, they're very prevalent.
• 58:16
  And so core values is just a process of defining what are
• 58:19
  those two to five? Typically we don't have more
• 58:22
  than five. Every now and then we do, but
• 58:24
  what are those two to five deeply held core values that are
• 58:27
  true for us as individuals? And then what's really powerful,
• 58:30
  obviously we work with couples too, is what is true for couples
• 58:34
  as well in terms of how, what are those family core values?
• 58:38
  And those can be really fun when we start to realize how do we
• 58:41
  parent out of them? Because if these are our family
• 58:44
  core values, then what we really care about is how to instill
• 58:46
  that versus just throw them up on a wall.
• 58:49
  So can we throw them up on a wall?
• 58:50
  Absolutely. But how do we actually parent
• 58:52
  through the lens of our core values?
• 58:55
  SO2 quick examples, I would say is 1 would be integrity, right?
• 59:00
  So if we have kids that are in curfew age and high school,
• 59:06
  let's say, and we're trying to figure out what those healthy
• 59:09
  boundaries are, it's not just mom and dad setting up curfews.
• 59:13
  It's hey kid, let's talk about what can happen with integrity
• 59:18
  past certain hours. Is this, is this consistent with
• 59:21
  who we are called to be, as the Johnsons would say, right?
• 59:24
  So we can start inviting our kids into that process.
• 59:28
  Super. You go to Denny's and you order
• 59:31
  the extra large stack of pancakes and you did not need to
• 59:33
  do that. That's a great case, too.
• 59:37
  It doesn't have to be illustration.
• 59:39
  Maybe that no, totally was my youth.
• 59:41
  I mean, it was like in high school.
• 59:43
  That was the fun thing to do is go to Denny's.
• 59:44
  It was open 24. And I have that whole.
• 59:46
  Stack And yes, it's the absurdly delicious and gross pile of
• 59:49
  pancakes. Are Denny's still around?
• 59:51
  Yes, of course they're still around.
• 59:53
  Aren't it's the IHOP I think. That's changing any case.
• 59:56
  Yes, IHOP, you could be IHOP, but Denny's is.
• 59:57
  It will always be Denny's. Was it the best?
• 59:59
  Yeah. But kind of anyways, but kind.
• 1:00:01
  Firstly, and like one of our core values, we did this super
• 1:00:04
  young with our kids. We called it Hagia because at
• 1:00:08
  the time our youngest was 5 and couldn't remember honor,
• 1:00:11
  uniqueness, generosity, integrity and adventure.
• 1:00:15
  And we, you know, we live in Colorado.
• 1:00:17
  We have a family cabin up on the other side of Trail Ridge, which
• 1:00:21
  is the highest Rd. in the contiguous United States.
• 1:00:24
  So it goes from Estes Park to Grand Lake, which is where the
• 1:00:27
  family cabin is. And we're in May.
• 1:00:29
  We're I'm I'm in mom mode. We left too late.
• 1:00:33
  I need to get them there before they get hangry.
• 1:00:35
  I've got three boys in this van. I'm in go mode, right.
• 1:00:39
  And we're driving up past on this road that now has no trees.
• 1:00:44
  We're above tree line and there's a huge Bank of snow
• 1:00:47
  still leftover from the winter. And Tristan, my middle is like,
• 1:00:51
  hey, mom and dad, let's let's go have a snowball fight.
• 1:00:53
  And I'm like, go, go, mind, right.
• 1:00:56
  So I'm like, no, we can't. We got to get there.
• 1:00:57
  Da da, da, da. Long story short, out of the
• 1:01:00
  back of our van comes a small, still voice.
• 1:01:02
  And he goes, hey family, what's our core values?
• 1:01:06
  The five year old. No, this is the seven-year old
• 1:01:08
  at the time, this is who really wanted to do the snowball fight.
• 1:01:11
  And Audio and I looked at each other.
• 1:01:12
  We're like, it's adventure. We know this.
• 1:01:15
  So Audio moves the van over, we get outside, we go in the snow
• 1:01:19
  bank. Here's the interesting lilac.
• 1:01:21
  We live in Colorado. We've had hundreds of snowball
• 1:01:23
  fights. This is the only one we all
• 1:01:25
  remember is that particular snowball fight because it was
• 1:01:28
  framed in the values of we are a family who likes to adventure.
• 1:01:31
  That's going to make me cry. That's it's beautiful.
• 1:01:34
  It's a. Sweet story and it's a fun
• 1:01:36
  story. Right memory you made with them.
• 1:01:38
  It is and that's how core values as a family can really help us
• 1:01:42
  be our best selves, right, as as a family, you know, with our
• 1:01:46
  spouse. And this is what I love about
• 1:01:47
  our work is we get to talk about everything because it should be
• 1:01:50
  holistic. We show up the same in all these
• 1:01:52
  areas of life for ourselves, for kids, for a spouse, for our
• 1:01:57
  career and for those around us in community.
• 1:02:00
  There is one thing that I want to make sure we include.
• 1:02:02
  I know we've got a wrap soon, but this was something that came
• 1:02:05
  up yesterday which I thought was so beautiful to remember.
• 1:02:08
  It's so easy to forget this, which is the role of trusting
• 1:02:11
  God. And we kind of started with
• 1:02:12
  this, but I think it's a great place to come back to because in
• 1:02:16
  all of this, it can be scary to say, I have these gifts that I
• 1:02:19
  feel like I'm supposed to use, or I have this mission that I
• 1:02:21
  feel like I'm supposed to do, or I have these core values that I
• 1:02:24
  don't want to be violated. So I need to maybe break up with
• 1:02:27
  this guy or whatever it is, right?
• 1:02:29
  And those things can all be scary.
• 1:02:31
  Or I'm going to quit this job and or I'm going to go find a
• 1:02:34
  new job or whatever it is to walk into more what you believe
• 1:02:39
  God is calling you to. And you reminded me yesterday of
• 1:02:43
  this little thing called. I will let you just talk about
• 1:02:46
  it because I think it's really important.
• 1:02:48
  You know what I'm talking about. We talked to mom yesterday.
• 1:02:55
  So funny. I know.
• 1:02:56
  I was like, what's the one word I'm leading her to?
• 1:02:59
  I don't even know, but it was really great point.
• 1:03:00
  Now, the thing about when you step out in faith, God meets
• 1:03:03
  you. Oh, wait.
• 1:03:07
  This is awesome. I love it.
• 1:03:09
  Yes. But remember, you said that's
• 1:03:11
  when you see, that's when you see the like, it's like God
• 1:03:14
  doesn't want you to know all the things.
• 1:03:16
  You have to go in there with an element of faith and share more
• 1:03:19
  about that. What is the best queue up ever?
• 1:03:22
  That's a great softball that I just told him this Laura, no new
• 1:03:26
  YouTube. So what we were talking about
• 1:03:28
  yesterday though was over the course of the last 15 years that
• 1:03:31
  I've been really doing this work intensely and the team, right,
• 1:03:34
  we have a team behind us as well doing this with folks.
• 1:03:37
  What we've noticed over and over and over is most people come to
• 1:03:42
  us because they're either high capacity people wanting to say,
• 1:03:46
  to understand what they need to say no to so they can say yes to
• 1:03:49
  their best. Or it's somebody who's
• 1:03:52
  increasingly aware and maybe done a lot of these tests that
• 1:03:56
  we were talking about earlier, self diagnostic tests.
• 1:03:59
  But it's starting to ask those bigger questions, existential
• 1:04:01
  questions. Who am I really?
• 1:04:02
  What am I really good at? What has got uniquely called me
• 1:04:05
  to? Or I would say the third bucket,
• 1:04:07
  there's really those 3 is people are navigating change and want
• 1:04:11
  to do it well. But here's the thing, we all
• 1:04:14
  have change and we've all done it not well too.
• 1:04:19
  But what we've realized over the course of the time and and the
• 1:04:22
  many clients that we've worked with is God tends to meet us
• 1:04:27
  when we're willing to step into the tension of the unknown.
• 1:04:30
  We know that God is calling us to something different, but we
• 1:04:33
  don't quite see it yet. But instead of just blowing
• 1:04:36
  through it or trying to circumvent it or go around the
• 1:04:38
  wrong side or. Take a shortcut or bury it right
• 1:04:42
  be. Stymie just stuck.
• 1:04:44
  That's not where He wants us, but He meets us when we step
• 1:04:48
  into that tension area. And I've seen this time and time
• 1:04:52
  again. It's fascinating to me that that
• 1:04:55
  is where we most feel God's presence.
• 1:04:57
  We sense His direction. We can understand what's true
• 1:05:01
  for us and where He's beckoning us towards and inviting us to
• 1:05:04
  step into. And that's a really fulfilling
• 1:05:06
  place to be. It's scary as heck, I I'm not
• 1:05:09
  denying that, but that is where He tends to operate.
• 1:05:12
  Can you share a story about that?
• 1:05:14
  Oh, I have so many. It's, you know, somebody who had
• 1:05:20
  a client who realized sort of really wanting to be with her
• 1:05:25
  kids, but also our kids are about to leave the nest, but has
• 1:05:28
  this talent for entrepreneurship and wanting to really invest
• 1:05:32
  into lives. And then formed a painting
• 1:05:34
  company with her daughter because she could be with her
• 1:05:37
  daughter while they were painting rooms.
• 1:05:39
  Now the kids are all out of the nest.
• 1:05:41
  The daughter, ironically, has her own child, but she now
• 1:05:44
  employs about 12 other women. But it but it was scary.
• 1:05:48
  She was like, how am I going to do this?
• 1:05:50
  How are we going to pay the bills?
• 1:05:51
  Will anyone buy my product? I mean that even like this
• 1:05:55
  podcast, right? This was started independently.
• 1:05:57
  It's a side thing. It's a it's growing and there's
• 1:05:59
  a lot of big plans we have, but it was started totally in that
• 1:06:04
  faith of this is what I feel even called to do and I'm just
• 1:06:07
  going to figure it out. And, you know, there's a lot of
• 1:06:09
  pieces that went into that, but I think there's a moment for
• 1:06:11
  most people when they're stepping into something that
• 1:06:14
  God's calling them to, for many people, not all, where it kind
• 1:06:18
  of feels like there's a little bit of jumping off of a Cliff.
• 1:06:20
  Absolutely. Yeah, but that's where you see
• 1:06:23
  the miracles happen, because it's not a miracle unless you do
• 1:06:27
  a little bit of jumping off the Cliff.
• 1:06:28
  You've left. And so how can we ensure that
• 1:06:32
  that leap is the right one is by knowing who we are and what we
• 1:06:35
  need, where we need to jump. And, and that's what we can do
• 1:06:39
  and we can help, right? By some of these tools, we can
• 1:06:42
  know ourselves more so that we can understand what God has for
• 1:06:45
  us in a deeper way. And that's so exciting, Lila.
• 1:06:48
  I mean, part of my personal vision is if we could just get
• 1:06:51
  10% of the world knowing their giftedness and stepping into
• 1:06:55
  that precipice, into the unknown with God and partnership with
• 1:06:58
  him, the world would be a vastly different place.
• 1:07:00
  Wow. It's a it's a great mission.
• 1:07:05
  Thank you, Laura. Thanks for having your amazing.
• 1:07:08
  I think the world of you, you know that.
• 1:07:09
  Thanks for letting me put you on the hot seat.
• 1:07:12
  Absolutely. It's all fun.
• 1:07:15
  It was great, thank you. And where can people find your
• 1:07:17
  work? Www.clarival.com so it's spelled
• 1:07:22
  CLARIVOL. Dot, amazing.
• 1:07:26
  Yeah, and we'll just get in the description.
• 1:07:28
  There's some tools there. We have a free tool so they can
• 1:07:30
  figure out core values and build their own a worksheet there.
• 1:07:33
  And we also have that free thinking zone quiz that's super
• 1:07:37
  fun to dialogue with others about.
• 1:07:38
  Great dinner party trick. Absolutely, I'm going to try it
• 1:07:41
  too. Thanks, Lila.
• 1:07:43
  Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to
• 1:07:45
  this episode of the Lila Roche Show.
• 1:07:47
  If you liked what you heard, make sure you are subscribed to
• 1:07:49
  the podcast that helps the show reach more people.
• 1:07:52
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• 1:07:54
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• 1:07:57
  Also, don't forget to check out our locals page.
• 1:08:00
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• 1:08:03
  and we do some fun stuff and this also helps fuel the show.
• 1:08:06
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• 1:08:08
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• 1:08:10
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