Latest / The Authentic Path with Dr. Vanessa Calderón / 49. The Truth About Imposter Syndrome (Backed by Psychology + Neuroscience)
Transcript
- Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Okay, what do I mean by that? The thought, I ⁓ don't belong here, creates a feeling insecurity and a feeling of imposter syndrome. ⁓ I shouldn't be here, I don't here. How do we combat that? We remind ourselves that we do. ⁓ I belong here. I am good to be here. I am just as... just as credible as anybody else, I'm just as experienced as others. So what we wanna do if it actually is imposter syndrome that you have, is we wanna reframe those thoughts as belonging. So I'll give you an example. One of the very first leadership roles I ever had was a, I was on a med exec, I was a department chair and I was pretty young, the youngest woman, well, one of like only two women there. And I was definitely the youngest person there. Hi friends, welcome back to the podcast. We're talking about something that we talk a lot about in the world, especially with women, especially high achievers, especially when we're growing and that's imposter syndrome. And I'm not talking about imposter syndrome here because I want to educate you on it. I essentially want to talk about imposter syndrome because I want you to stop having it. I want you to stop saying you have imposter syndrome, mainly because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hearing my super amazing, incredible, smart, ambitious clients say they have imposter syndrome. and I was the only brown person there. And I'd show up to these meetings and boy, did I feel like an imposter. I definitely felt like I didn't belong. And so what I would do before the meeting started, because I knew I'd feel anxious and I didn't want to show up that way. I didn't want to play small and hide. So before the meetings would start, I would sit in my office and I would ground myself. I would take some breaths. I'd ground myself. And then I would say to myself, I belong here. I belong. I belong in that room. And I'm just I'm I'm tired of it and I'm tired of it for myself, too. Like it's it's just I think played. It's played. It's time to get over it. Twenty twenty six is the year that we stop saying we have imposter syndrome and. So what we're going to talk about today is what imposter syndrome actually is. I'm going to give you my take, which I think it's overused, why I think it's overused, and how I think people hide behind the concept of imposter syndrome, and then what we need to do to actually move away from it. I'm going to give you, if this is you, you have imposter syndrome, I'm going to give you some steps. I belong in that meeting. I belong in that committee. I belong in this leadership role. And then I would go to the to the meetings, the big board meetings, and I would feel grounded and I would feel psychologically safe. And it would allow me to show up and take up thoughtful space. I didn't need to take up bigger space than I needed. I didn't need to over talk, but I wanted to be able to say what I was thinking and to contribute. step by step by steps of things that you can do to move past it. Because I want you to stop hiding. I want you to stop playing small. I want all of us, I want collectively these smart, incredible, ambitious women to come up, to rise up above imposter syndrome. ⁓ let's in. So, okay, first of all, what is imposter syndrome? I knew I had stuff to contribute. So when you shift the thought from I'm anxious, ⁓ my god, I'm so insecure, all the self-doubt thoughts to just simply I belong there, it allows you to reframe the conversation. Another, I'm going to give you a few other reframes that you can start to practice. instead of, because I really honestly, the whole point of this is I want you to stop saying you have imposter syndrome. When you say that you are continuing to adopt Imposter syndrome is this persistent internal experience that we have where we believe we are not as competent as other people think we are. And let me just say a few things about that before we go on. First of all, imposter syndrome was initially documented and created around women, high achieving women. When they did all the initial research, that's what they were seeing, that there were these really ambitious, smart, high functioning, high achieving women. that identity and the more you adopt it, the more you become it. And I don't want you to have that anymore. I want you to move past it. So a few other things we can say is I'm growing into this new identity. I'm practicing how to show up like, you know, I'm learning how to be. And I have a client right now who just got a ⁓ executive position. So she's now on the big C-suite team and that would get into these positions of power and they would feel like they weren't good enough, like they didn't belong there. And so the term initially was called imposter phenomenon. And I, I just want us to know a few things. Why is it that smart, ambitious, high functioning women get into these positions of power and then question that they belong there? ⁓ I want us to think deeper because we were making this a problem of the woman, like it's the woman's fault. She's hyper activated. Her amygdala is activated. She's nervous. She doesn't want to fail. She's never been on a C-suite before. And so this is what we're working on. We're working on, her thought is, I'm growing into this new identity. I may not think I'm ready, but I'm going to take my time and learn how to do it anyway. Here's some more other thoughts for you. I can tolerate being seen. I can practice being visible. No, no, no. This is like a systems issue. This is systems of oppression that have existed way before us that really made us believe that we didn't belong in these places. We didn't see people that look like us. So if you're a person of color, you might experience this. If you grew up in places where you were always questioned, where you always felt like you had to prove your value or your worth, of course you're going to doubt that you belong in these positions of power. Of course you're going to question yourself. Of course you're going to feel... and name what's actually happening. because what you're doing, the reason why it feels so uncomfortable because you're calming your nervous system, you're getting yourself into a state of feeling ready and grounded. And every time you do that, you're practicing courage because courage means you're taking action in the face of fear. That's what courage is. There is no courage when there's no fear. You don't need courage without fear. That's just taking an action. Like you don't belong because imposter syndrome is essentially signs that like I don't belong here. Something is wrong with me. I don't belong here. I'm not good enough to be here. That's what imposter syndrome is. And if we think a little deeper for many women and people of color, imposter syndrome is a form of internalized depression. Like, listen, we've had systems of oppression forever. Tell us that we're not good enough, not smart enough, that we don't belong, that we need to prove ourselves. Courage is a feeling that feels horrible and uncomfortable because you have to practice courage when there's some insecurity, self-doubt, fear. So courage allows you to show up. so courage is the ways you reframe these things. I'm growing into a new identity. I'm practicing being seen. I'm practicing speaking up. All of these little things will support you. instead continuing to perpetuate And the remnants of that have created the concept of imposter phenomenon. So I don't want to deny that those systems of oppression don't exist. I don't have to tell. I hope I don't have to tell you that they exist. They do. And I also know that when we start believing it internally, when we start believing we actually don't belong, when we start saying we have imposter syndrome, we are now doing the job of the oppressor. We are now the story of imposter syndrome, not because it's not true, not because it doesn't exist, but because I just want to support you in really getting over it. Especially if you're someone that has a ton of credentials and credibility and you've just been, you have so much to offer the world. I want to offer you to just learn how to move past it by using all of these things. I'm going to share one last thing that supported me many years ago. believing those beliefs to be true. And once we've internalized oppressive beliefs, we're doing the jobs of the oppressor. That's how internalized racism works. So I'm going to just talk a little bit more about the initial research because I just think it's really, really fascinating. So the two psychologists that did this way back in the 1970s, 1978, they published a paper called The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women. And what they were doing is I took on another leadership role and part of my responsibility was to go and lead these meetings with an executive team. And I was like, what? I'm going to lead the meeting with the executive team. They don't report to me. What? Like, how do I get them to, like, take action and make change? How do I influence them essentially when they don't report to me? And I remember telling the guy that I was reporting to, I feel like I feel like a little imposter. I feel like an imposter. They were looking at women who were super successful, who kept thinking that they didn't belong. Initially, they thought, ⁓ my gosh, it's just women. But later they found out it wasn't just women. It was women, it was people of color. And then they started noticing it was also men. So who reports it higher? It's highly reported in women and people of color. Not surprising. It's also reported in some men, but the highest rates we see are in women and people of color. And the guy said to me, I love him to death by the way, he's one of my mentors, he said, Vanessa, there comes a time where you just have to get over it. You just have to get over it. Like, posture syndrome is gonna be there. You just have to get over it. And he was telling me how he feels like that still sometimes. And I think maybe a combination of things that just kind of clicked. My level of experience, the fact that I probably was already ready to move past it. And so all the contributing social factors that you can imagine, lack of representation, you've never seen anybody that looks like you in those roles, any cultural narratives about power or about belonging, all of that is going to play a role. And of course, it's really, really common. So let me just jump into what happens in our brain when we experience imposter syndrome. And then I want to spend some time talking about how to move past it. OK, so what is happening in our brain? So the first thing that's important to know is that And so just that little nudge, like, it's just time to get over it. That was enough for me. It was enough for me to be like, all right, I'm done perpetuating that pattern. I don't want to continue to bring that pattern with me into this next phase of my life. And so that's what I want to offer you. If there's something inside of you telling you like, I'm ready, I don't want to continue to perpetuate that pattern. I want to move on from that. Then these are all some tools for you to use because I no longer want you to hold onto that identity. There is no brain scan. There's no, there's no tests that we can run to tell you that you have imposter syndrome. Okay. So there's nothing that exists, but what we do know is that there's a part of our brain, the default mode network that's involved and it creates rumination. It's like anxiety thinking ⁓ or a narrative identity that I'm not good enough. I don't belong here. And then we go in cycles and that type of thinking often lives ⁓ quietly in the brain. It's not like I want you, because it really does keep us small. allows us, it's like this, like this, it's ⁓ socially excusable way to be small. ⁓ I want us to move past that. ⁓ want you to instead ⁓ courage, instead choose to be seen, ⁓ to know that you're psychologically safe. That's what I want for you. ⁓ the more that you can be seen, the more that you give your gifts out to the world. You walk into a room, you walk into a boardroom or any meeting and you have a feeling of like, oof, you feel insecure. You feel like uncomfortable being there. You feel like you don't belong there. You don't automatically have the thought like, I'm not good enough. You might. Those thoughts do definitely show up for a lot of people, but something quietly lives inside. And for some people, it causes them to puff up, to prove themselves, to speak louder, to show their worth. the more that we get to benefit from you being in service to the world. And the more other people will see you and learn that it's safe for them to also be seen. All right, sweet friends, I will leave you with that. I hope you found this helpful. I will see you all next week. Adios. That's the same exact thought pattern as the people that shrink and don't want to say anything and feel nervous. So essentially there's an over activation of the self critical internal narratives. And that's where we get a lot of this is where we start feeling overwhelmed, anxious. And eventually we experience like, I don't belong here. This is not where I want to be. So the, because we have a hyperactive ⁓ fear center, this turns on our threat detection. our threat detection and in these environments where we're often performing, which is like work, for example, career, business, those types of environments, it'll turn on our amygdala. Our amygdala is our fear center in our brain, the same exact amygdala that gets turned on when our life is in danger, gets turned on when we feel threatened at work or in any of these spaces. And that threat perception that goes on turns on the same exact hypothalamus, pituitary adrenal axis, that secretes cortisol, stress hormones, and tells our body to react to stress. And so that's why we sometimes will get really nervous. My heart beats really fast in those spaces, or I feel really anxious in those spaces. You feel hypervigilant. All of that happens with imposter syndrome. So even though there's nothing in our, like there's no brain scan that can tell us we have imposter syndrome, we know based on tons and tons of data and research, that it's a very well-documented psychological construct, super common among high functioning, high achieving folks. It correlates very strongly with burnout, which is why I probably see so much of it in my clients, with anxiety and with perfectionism. Ding, ding, ding. Does that resonate with any of you? Anxiety, perfectionism, thinking that you want to like get everything done perfectly. And it's influenced by social context and identity. Let's move on. So how do you know if what you're experiencing is actually imposter syndrome versus something else? This is the other reason I really wanted to talk about this because what I have seen people say is they latch on to the concept of imposter syndrome because it's something that you can latch on to. People, if you say you have imposter syndrome, it's like the argument that I don't have enough time. people just buy into the story of time scarcity. So if somebody comes in and says, I don't have enough time, people are like, oh yeah, it makes sense. No wonder you weren't able to do that. So if you come in and say, I have imposter syndrome, people are like, oh, I get it. Imposter syndrome is tough, but sometimes it's not actually imposter syndrome. It's something else. So is it imposter syndrome? Is it just self doubt? Is it fear? What is it? So let's talk about all the other things that it could be besides imposter syndrome. What else could it be? one the main things that I see with high functioning, high achieving people, ⁓ especially that are entrepreneurs or leaders, ⁓ is afraid. Afraid to be visible. Afraid to show up. Why? ⁓ All reasons you'd imagine. You don't want to be criticized. You don't want to be judged. You don't want to be humiliated. You're afraid you're not good enough. What if people don't accept you? ⁓ What you show up on social media and that person from high school that broke up with you sees you and is like, What is this person thinking? Like who do they think they are? Or your uncle sees you and starts judging you. ⁓ I thought you were a doctor. What happened? That's my own story. When I essentially had more visibility on social media and I became a physician, coach, and healer, and I was no longer just a clinical doctor, man, everyone was like, Vanessa, what are you doing? Vanessa? I thought you were a doctor. ⁓ Yes, I'm still a doctor just doing other things too. But one of the things we latch on to is we say, I haven't shown up yet because of imposter syndrome, but it's not imposter syndrome. It's just fear of being seen, fear of visibility. And it's really important to know the difference because when you can say what it actually is, you can start creating results. You can start addressing the actual problem. Imposter syndrome labels it like a psychological rather than like, just don't have the courage. And so we just need to practice having the courage. We just need to get the reps in of being seen more and increase our capacity to be visible. That's what it is. It's not because you don't feel like you can't because imposter syndrome again is thinking that I don't have the credentials to do it. That's not what it is. You're just afraid to be seen. That's normal. Most humans are afraid to be seen. They don't want to be judged. So what I think sometimes happens is that we use imposter syndrome because it's a socially acceptable form of fear. ⁓ that is what I want people to stop doing. I want people to stop saying they have imposter syndrome when they're really just afraid. ⁓ you're afraid, let's get down to the nitty gritty of what you're afraid about ⁓ that we can help you move past it. But if you keep saying it's because you have imposter syndrome, You're gonna stay stuck and I don't want you to stay stuck. I want you to show up and I want you to really get out there and I want you to live your purpose, your Dharma. And that won't happen if you hide behind imposter syndrome. The other thing I hear often with people say they have imposter syndrome, but really they're just afraid that things aren't perfect enough. So it's like this pattern of, it's like, I think I'm in... competent and so I need to over-prepare, over-prepare. It's like this perfectionistic safety seeking, but they say it's because I, they say I just have imposter syndrome. I just need this other certificate or I think I need this other training or I think I need to do XYZ and they call it imposter syndrome. It's just, it's my imposter syndrome. No, it's your fear of failing. Your fear of failing is not the same thing as imposter syndrome. Fear of failing and needing to be perfect all the time, that's just fear of failure. Again, another thing that high achieving women, a lot of us that are really high functioning we have, we don't wanna fail. Failure stinks. It feels horrible in the body. Disappointment is really hard to process and move through. But if we can name it what it is, I'm just afraid to fail, then we can teach you how to detach yourself from that failure. We can teach you how to process those uncomfortable feelings. instead of hiding behind imposter syndrome. Same thing with saying I have imposter syndrome, but really you just want to play small because if you play small, then you belong with these people. But what happens if I grow and what happens if like I get kicked out of my tribe or what happens if my family starts judging me, my cousins, my friends, if I become really big and visible, what will people say? And so instead of growing, you say like, I just don't feel qualified yet. You know, really like I don't feel qualified. I have imposter syndrome, but really it's like if I fully own my power, what if I disrupt the systems that have existed? And so imposter syndrome is a more sort of like acceptable, palatable way to stay small. of these little things, if you notice, are all things that we say that ⁓ afraid to say. I'm afraid to say I don't want to be visible. I'm afraid to say that I'm playing small. Imposter syndrome just feels easier. Or you confuse humility with imposter syndrome or humility with self-doubt. Somebody says like, ⁓ my gosh, you're doing such a good job. ⁓ no, like, ⁓ I just, you know, I'm just so quiet as a way to like downplay your success. And self-deprecation ⁓ not serve you, sweet friends. Self-deprecation does not serve you. You can be confident without being arrogant. The difference between confidence and arrogance is humility. And if you are drawn to this podcast and you're listening to it, then you do not have a problem with arrogance. I'm pretty sure that you are a very humble person. Those are the people that we call in here. Okay, so the last one I will just say is using imposter syndrome as a trauma response. Okay, so. This one is a little bit more nuanced because imposter syndrome is essentially a trauma response. The collective trauma of systems and systems of oppression. That's a trauma. That's of course, I used to have a ton of imposter syndrome. I was graduated from Harvard. I was the chief resident of my residency. I was a department chief one year out of residency and I still felt like I wasn't smart enough or good enough. That's a trauma response. 100 % of trauma response, that is real. That's important. But for others, particularly like high capacity leaders who've already done significant healing work, the narrative then becomes just like this familiar pattern, a familiar concept. And so we just stick with it, even though we've already done a lot of the healing work. And I just think that's really important because as you continue to grow, I do not want you repeating the same exact patterns. that you've, you know, some of the patterns have been divinely intelligent patterns. Like my imposter syndrome that I had from before, from just experiencing just a ton of systems of oppression as a brown female growing up in the United States, some of my responses were just, you know, what I needed to show my worth and what I needed to be successful in this world. And it's just, it was like a divinely intelligent. response that my body created. So thank you body for that. And now that I'm at this level of consciousness, I don't need that anymore. I don't need to keep going back to that. Plus I've done a ton of healing work. So if you've done a lot of healing work and you've created a lot of awareness, I want you to be okay letting it go, releasing it. You don't need to come back to it just because it feels familiar. So what I want you to do instead, so here's how we start moving past imposter syndrome. Number one is get really clear. Is this really imposter syndrome or is this something else? Is this self doubt? Is this what else could it be? So I want you to get really clear and I want you to name it because if you can name it, then you can move past it. And if it is imposter syndrome, then what we need to do is practice belonging. The antidote to imposter syndrome is belonging.