Latest / The Pausecast / Ep 81: Unmistakable traits of heart-based leaders

Transcript

Ep 81: Unmistakable traits of heart-based leaders · The Pausecast

• 0:08
  Well, Happy Valentine's Day. Here is Valentine's Day this
• 0:14
  very day. This podcast drops on the
• 0:16
  podcast and I really wanted to orient it around.
• 0:21
  What could we talk about? What can we chat and discuss
• 0:24
  around the heart and being a leader who leads with heart?
• 0:30
  Heart-based leadership. So I got a couple ideas and I'm
• 0:34
  excited to share them with you. The first is to talk about what
• 0:39
  I think, heart-based leaders really are some of their key
• 0:43
  attributes and if any of them resonate with you give yourself
• 0:46
  a pat on the back. If any of them are kind of maybe
• 0:51
  resonating and your sparking, your perky, your ears up and you
• 0:55
  want to know more, my guess is. Those are good things to be more
• 0:59
  aware of and potentially want to focus on can always get better
• 1:03
  at whatever you're already good at write and research tells So
• 1:07
  we focus on our strengths, we actually feel more joy and we
• 1:12
  feel more confident. So that said that's a good
• 1:16
  thing. But you can also focus on
• 1:17
  anything, right? And even just that fact in
• 1:20
  itself to be a heart base later, what does that even mean?
• 1:23
  Now in 2023 and do you qualify like, what would that mean for
• 1:30
  you? And so I just want to give you a
• 1:32
  moment to reflect on that as you start to think about what heart
• 1:36
  based leadership. Uli is for you.
• 1:38
  And then what I also wanted to share is that this idea that
• 1:45
  your brain that your heart has a brain I should say, did you know
• 1:50
  that your brain has a heart? So to speak.
• 1:54
  I think it works both ways. Your brain has a heart and your
• 1:56
  heart has a brain. It's called the heart brain.
• 1:59
  So we're going to talk about that and I'm so excited because
• 2:02
  on this Valentine's Day, think about this as your own day.
• 2:07
  Pay for your own nourishment, and care and self-love so that
• 2:11
  you can radiate that out into the world in whom you lead and
• 2:15
  wherever you go. And however you approach things
• 2:18
  because let me tell you it's contagious, that is part of how
• 2:22
  it works, right? All right, let's get into it.
• 2:35
  Hi, I'm Rachel O'Meara. I'm the host of the podcast.
• 2:39
  I'm also the author of pause harnessing, the life-changing
• 2:42
  power of giving yourself a break, as well as a private
• 2:47
  coach for men and women who are struggling with, how to get out
• 2:52
  of overwhelm and reclaim their lives.
• 2:54
  The pause cast is Ated to helping individuals learn the
• 3:00
  tools and be more self-aware that we can all be more capable
• 3:03
  of to live our best life, to reach our potential.
• 3:08
  Whether this is your first time listening or you're a regular, I
• 3:11
  invite you to download my free gift to you which is a blueprint
• 3:16
  called the three keys to stay out of overwhelm and Thrive.
• 3:20
  The blueprint is available at my website www.hiwayfx.com.
• 3:26
  I'll get it today. So you can start to implement
• 3:28
  these tools that we can all learn, and that's what the paws
• 3:32
  cast is all about. I also want to talk about why
• 3:47
  it's so important to nurture ourselves, as heart based
• 3:50
  leaders, as corporate leaders. So this word nurturing like,
• 3:54
  what do you think of when you hear that word, nurture, it
• 3:58
  really means to comfort ourselves, and to do this, we
• 4:03
  must accept our discomfort. This is training.
• 4:06
  I've had from the right foundation.
• 4:08
  So I'm citing them a few times from my graduate work, but
• 4:12
  Comfort is also a response to two primary feeling.
• 4:16
  That we have fear and hurt. So when we nurture and comfort
• 4:21
  ourselves, we're literally learning to provide the care
• 4:24
  nourishment that we may or may not have gotten from anybody in
• 4:27
  our lives. And here's the cool part as
• 4:30
  grown-ups as corporate leaders. It's now up to us to learn how
• 4:34
  to nurture ourselves and help others nurture themselves on
• 4:38
  your team so to speak. Like we can we can teach them to
• 4:41
  fish, right? And develop these skills to Jews
• 4:46
  and to develop self care, like, checking in to know, when you
• 4:49
  might have to take a break, things like that, and there's so
• 4:54
  many ways that you can do this. And there might be things that
• 4:57
  might just even be. Like, I contact like super easy,
• 5:01
  right? Hopefully if you're in person,
• 5:04
  even if you're not, if you're on, you're on video chats or
• 5:07
  video streaming, and that can be done as well.
• 5:12
  So when we are able to do this, it makes a big difference
• 5:15
  because we are feeling sustained big, big deal, right?
• 5:21
  And if we aren't feeling sustained, what happens, we can
• 5:26
  all see like that downward spiral where we just keep going
• 5:28
  and going. And we burn out, we burn out and
• 5:31
  the candles at both burning at both ends and we're on the
• 5:34
  hamster wheel or like, when can I can I get off this?
• 5:37
  And we forget and we don't know. But here's the thing.
• 5:38
  Like we have that control all the time but when On autopilot
• 5:42
  and we're stressed, we actually think even smaller, we're like
• 5:46
  shrinking our brains because we can't expand them because we're
• 5:49
  in that fight or flight stage and so focused that we miss so
• 5:53
  much that we forget and that we don't think it's within our
• 5:56
  control or our realm to do anything different, believe it
• 6:00
  or not, and we have to take ourselves out of it.
• 6:02
  This is why to me a pause is so freaking critical.
• 6:06
  If we remove ourselves from that situation it's like we have this
• 6:10
  whole other perspective. Can open up.
• 6:14
  And to me, that's the Gateway, that's this blank space, that's
• 6:19
  the unknown. That's like, hey, wait a second,
• 6:22
  why am I, why am I doing? Why am I putting all this
• 6:24
  pressure on myself? Knowing I could actually just
• 6:27
  tell someone that I need some support here, and I can't keep
• 6:32
  going like this because I need to be home, feeding my children,
• 6:36
  or whatever it might be. Right.
• 6:39
  So here's what happens and you might relate to this when we
• 6:42
  don't get nourishment and this is just the research behind it
• 6:46
  and I'm kind of speaking from a historical perspective like when
• 6:48
  we were kids when we're little whether it's from your primary
• 6:52
  caregiver or or anyone it can kind of show up later, right?
• 7:00
  So without this nourishment, literally our own growth as in
• 7:05
  our neural networks and our brain isn't maximized and Kini
• 7:08
  Is remain unmet for us, right? And so what I'm talking about
• 7:12
  here, and this is more of the psychology part of it.
• 7:14
  I work a lot with this is the need for control, so we want to
• 7:18
  control everything. The need for self esteem
• 7:21
  enhancement and protection. So, like making sure we look
• 7:24
  good feeling feeling confident but also maybe like not even
• 7:29
  sure what we're doing. But we just want to, like, put
• 7:31
  up our walls and I got this kind of mental attitude and not let
• 7:36
  anyone know us. Like, we keep our guard up,
• 7:39
  right? And then we need to potentially
• 7:42
  maximize things like pleasure and avoid distress.
• 7:46
  So we pretend, you know, we don't, we don't really look at
• 7:47
  the bad things at all. We kind of just ignore those.
• 7:50
  And then the need for security at a judgment is the other part
• 7:53
  of this, which is that psychological need of attaching
• 7:57
  to our primary kid. Good caregiver.
• 7:59
  Knowing we're safe, knowing where sound.
• 8:01
  So when you think about yourself as a leader now, like today fast
• 8:04
  forward to present time, does it make sense for you?
• 8:09
  Why you, maybe there's some some traits that show up for you that
• 8:13
  are a result of unmet nourishment and we all know our
• 8:17
  parents did their very very best and we love them.
• 8:19
  I'm for it, most of us and if we don't, we may be forgive them or
• 8:23
  we move on and it's all good. But the reality is, as adults as
• 8:29
  grown-ups laters, it's our job to get nourished ourselves now
• 8:33
  and no one else can do it for us.
• 8:36
  So, going back to the heart brain, right?
• 8:38
  The heart based leadership. It's important to know that
• 8:42
  nourishment is critical to succeed as a heart base, leader
• 8:45
  for yourself. I think that's really just my
• 8:48
  big point. And how do you teach someone
• 8:50
  else to be nourished? Well, you do it.
• 8:52
  First, you show up, nourished, first of all, so you're not
• 8:56
  booking calls at hopefully 1:30 in the morning or and I know
• 9:02
  what time zones I can't always work but you know you're setting
• 9:05
  the example. Sample of nourishment and then
• 9:06
  people are going to like, what are you doing?
• 9:08
  Like how are you leaving the office at 5:30 and you tell
• 9:12
  them, you say, well, I'm leaving because I'm going home to be
• 9:15
  with my family and spend some quality time.
• 9:18
  And then I've got two hours later that I've I've actually
• 9:20
  calendared for logging on because I know I need to get a
• 9:23
  couple things done, Tuesdays and Thursdays, all right?
• 9:26
  So there's these boundaries that we can set.
• 9:28
  But heart based leadership doesn't happen unless we have
• 9:31
  this own nourishment. Is this a more nurturing
• 9:34
  ourselves? Oh my gosh, there's so much
• 9:37
  more. I could talk about, in the
• 9:38
  research side of this. I think I think I will share
• 9:41
  this story because it's one of my favorite stories.
• 9:44
  I used to write about in grad school, but basically, you know,
• 9:48
  speaking about nourishment when we feel discomfort and pain and,
• 9:54
  and, like, the absence of having these needs fulfilled.
• 9:57
  In other words, we're not feeling nourished, and severe
• 9:59
  developmental consequences happen.
• 10:02
  And I think this is helpful insight to know because Was it
• 10:05
  might explain, maybe not even you but other than your life or
• 10:10
  coworkers or people who, you know, and then you can have some
• 10:13
  more empathy for them, more heartbase leadership, right?
• 10:17
  So there was a scientist Way, Way Back in the early 1900s
• 10:22
  Harry Harlow. Harry Harlow was essentially a
• 10:28
  scientist that was doing maternal separation experiments
• 10:34
  on rhesus monkeys And what he did and there's some videos
• 10:38
  about this on YouTube that are quite fascinating.
• 10:40
  You can, you can literally see this for yourself.
• 10:43
  He set up fake monkeys made out of wire.
• 10:46
  So we set up these wire monkeys one with so they were not real
• 10:50
  monkeys. Right there is there was like
• 10:52
  two side-by-side monkeys one with a cloth or Comfort contact.
• 10:56
  We say on its on its wire. So it actually was a little
• 11:00
  comforting and even though it was wire you could you could
• 11:03
  like hang out with it and get comfortable.
• 11:05
  Bert. And then the second one was just
• 11:07
  the plain wire just regular Old Wire and the cloth mother.
• 11:12
  So the one with the cloth on it if there was a baby rhesus
• 11:14
  monkey the cloth mother was chosen every time by the monkey,
• 11:18
  even when the wire monkey fed the baby How about that?
• 11:24
  So let me say that again. So this wire monkey that was
• 11:28
  just wires, even when they had food, the little monkey, would
• 11:32
  go to the big monkey. Let's go to the cloth monkey
• 11:35
  because it was more comforting. Whoa, right?
• 11:39
  Like no like Mike drop, right? So so what we concluded or what
• 11:44
  Harlow concluded was that every child seeks out contact Comfort
• 11:49
  and that means like things like emotional ties and being
• 11:52
  comforted by a parent. All of those things are really,
• 11:55
  really important for child development, in the babies, who
• 11:59
  baby monkeys, who were isolated suffered an adverse effects.
• 12:02
  And this is, you know, this is groundbreaking research from his
• 12:06
  his work and actually was born in.
• 12:08
  Yeah, the early 1900's but this was probably in the mid 50s or
• 12:11
  so like I don't know the exact dates, so pretty wild.
• 12:16
  There's other experiments like that.
• 12:17
  But like the reality is, there's so much that goes on in this
• 12:20
  nourishment level. So we all probably have Some
• 12:24
  nourishment to make up for, in our life in our lives as parents
• 12:27
  as not parent. Well as parents and also as
• 12:30
  Leaders, I'd say the last part, I really want to touch on and I
• 12:35
  mentioned this already is that your brain has a heart?
• 12:39
  Yes it does. Did you know your brain has a
• 12:40
  heart? I did now you know too isn't it
• 12:44
  exciting? And this is good stuff.
• 12:47
  So we're fast forwarding to today.
• 12:49
  There's breit, there's great groundbreaking new research,
• 12:52
  it's actually a field. It's called neuro Cardiology and
• 12:56
  it tells us that not, not all of our DNA.
• 13:01
  Well it's not up to all of our DNA that programs us that brain
• 13:03
  development happens. So to speak and this new medical
• 13:07
  field, explains the brain in the heart and how they communicate,
• 13:10
  neurologically. How cool is that rights owner?
• 13:13
  Neuro Cardiology. Maybe I'll get a neuro
• 13:15
  cardiologist on here, one day. If you know any, let me know and
• 13:18
  we can get him on the podcast. Joseph Chilton Pierce who was a
• 13:28
  writer and a researcher psychologist.
• 13:30
  I believe he says that 60 to 65 percent of the cells in the
• 13:35
  heart are actually neural cells which are identical to the
• 13:39
  neural cells in the brain. You guys like what?
• 13:42
  Like over half the cells and our heart are actually the same type
• 13:45
  of neural cells that we have in the brain.
• 13:47
  How amazing is that? In other words there's a brain
• 13:50
  in the Art and these like to get technical here.
• 13:54
  The ganglia are linked to every major organ in the body.
• 13:57
  So your heart is sending messages from the from the
• 14:02
  emotional brain, affecting the entire human system.
• 14:06
  There you go. And like, think about this
• 14:09
  Valentine's Day, your heart has a freaking brain.
• 14:11
  Like that is so cool. So, here's how we all connected.
• 14:15
  When we nurture ourselves, we shift our emotional state and
• 14:19
  that can happen between 1%. Person's brain and heart, right?
• 14:21
  Kind of like that heart brain. You like to say, when these two
• 14:25
  frequencies come together, they in train, they enter a
• 14:29
  synchronous coherent wave pattern so they get in sync with
• 14:32
  each other, right? This is this is coherence.
• 14:35
  And that same entrainment happens when a mom is with her
• 14:39
  child. Yeah, exactly.
• 14:44
  And when that emotional structure isn't stable and
• 14:47
  there's some potential instability there then that
• 14:52
  didn't the developmental process is just don't, they're just not
• 14:54
  as effective. Okay, so how cool is that?
• 14:59
  I think the heart brain is such a great amazing concept and
• 15:05
  think of me thinking about it today like your heart has until
• 15:09
  like your heart is a smart smart.
• 15:10
  Art my smart Heart, Smart heart, hashtag smart, heart, and
• 15:16
  Joseph. Joseph Chilton, Pierce.
• 15:17
  By the way, he wrote a book called the biology of
• 15:20
  transcendence, a blueprint of the human spirit.
• 15:23
  So he's a thought leader in the space of Biology and human
• 15:32
  existence I would say. Yeah.
• 15:35
  All right. So how are you feeling about the
• 15:37
  heart based leadership? Now, does it have more depth?
• 15:42
  Does it have more meaning for you?
• 15:45
  I'm just so touched, because I think we take it for granted.
• 15:48
  I think I take it for granted where I just kind of think about
• 15:51
  leadership even me. And that it's just there, and
• 15:56
  it's my brain doing stuff. But no, it's, it's minimum brain
• 16:01
  plus heart, right? And so, if you are only thinking
• 16:05
  about things, you're leaving half of the equation out in your
• 16:09
  heart, could add so much more so, so much more.
• 16:12
  That is complimentary. To what your brain is already
• 16:15
  doing. And that's where emotional
• 16:17
  intelligence comes in. That is what EQ is, its rising
• 16:20
  to your next level of leadership.
• 16:22
  And we, so, so need you. And we need all of us actually
• 16:26
  in this world to to learn and build these skills.
• 16:31
  All the time that can help get us from the leader 1.0 or I
• 16:36
  guess maybe even 2.0 that has gotten us to, where we are to
• 16:40
  Next Level leadership, which is going to be What we talked about
• 16:44
  with heart based leadership and like, like the, like the blue
• 16:49
  societies and spiral, Dynamics thinking about our society, that
• 16:55
  is transcending into different spaces now, and we can kind of
• 17:00
  see that going on around us in the world of 2023.
• 17:04
  Do we not? That's a whole nother topic for
• 17:06
  another time. I'm not going to really get into
• 17:08
  that one, but I hope you enjoyed this more of a technical
• 17:12
  podcast. Day, let me know in the comments
• 17:16
  or send me an audio message, and if you are wondering, you know,
• 17:20
  how do I, how do I figure out this nourishment thing?
• 17:23
  Like, I think I am at my wit's end or I don't want to burn out,
• 17:27
  I want to be sustained then let's talk.
• 17:30
  I, that's what I do. That's what I help Executives do
• 17:33
  and corporate leaders because we are at a rapid fire Pace.
• 17:36
  We live Hive high-velocity lives, right?
• 17:39
  And if we aren't sustaining ourselves, what Happens.
• 17:44
  We kind of just talked about it. We don't, we don't, we don't get
• 17:48
  to where we want to go. We don't, we are not as
• 17:49
  effective. We are kind of at the short end
• 17:53
  of the stick and I could totally, totally help you.
• 17:55
  So, just drop me a note. Just drop me a line.
• 17:58
  And you can get my blueprint, which is actually a guidebook, I
• 18:01
  call it now, on my site, it's in the little end cap here, but
• 18:06
  just go to Rachel, O'Meara.com guidebook and you will find it.
• 18:10
  Have a happy Valentine's Day. Much love.
• 18:13
  Of much love from pause each q and I will talk to you later.
• 18:25
  Thanks for listening today, to the pause cast.
• 18:28
  If you haven't already, please subscribe, so that you don't
• 18:32
  miss a show. And if you haven't already,
• 18:35
  please rate US, leave your review.
• 18:37
  We would love to hear from you and help us get the word out if
• 18:41
  you know of anyone who you think might benefit from the tools or
• 18:44
  discussions that you found helpful then invite them to join
• 18:48
  us. Share the pause cast with those.
• 18:50
  Those who you think might find this useful to become more
• 18:53
  self-aware. Remember sharing is caring.
• 18:58
  I'll see you next time on the paws cast.