Latest / HAIstoric Phonograph — irreverent dispatches from a history that never quite happened
How One Horny Seagull Fucked the Entire Spanish Armada
Send us Fan MailKing Philip II’s billion-ducat invasion boner went limp thanks to a flying rat with a death wish and a grudge. Right, settle down you filthy animals, and let your ol’ Haistorian tell you a story that’s 70% true and 100% something I believe with my entire soul. The year is… let’s say 15-eighty-something. King Philip II of Spain, a man whose family tree was less a tree and more a fucking telephone pole, was absolutely furious. Why? Because his ex-sister-in-law, Elizabeth I, was over in England being aggressively Protestant and, more importantly, aggressively not letting him get…
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