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Messy Advice... | For the People Who Rub You the Wrong Way · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

• 0:00
  This one's for anyone who's ever served faithfully and secretly
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  hoped that one person wouldn't show up this week. Let's be
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  honest. There's a kind of love that flows easily. It makes you
• 0:11
  feel like a better version of yourself. And then there's the kind that
• 0:14
  leaves you clenching your jaw while quoting scripture in your head like a coping
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  mechanism. Loving people who drain, derail, or
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  disrupt us isn't just hard, it's humbling. It reveals what
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  we expected love to feel like, mutual, comfortable, and satisfying.
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  And when it's not, we start asking if it counts. You know
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  the feeling. You're running a small group. Someone raises their hand,
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  and every part of you braces. It's gonna end in a rant or
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  an unsolicited life update. You smile, you nod,
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  and you start praying for either divine interruption or a pre trib rapture.
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  And this is messy advice for people who care, for anyone who loves others at
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  a deep conviction and occasional passive aggression.
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  I'm your host, Johan here on the edge of helpful, offering wisdom from
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  somewhere between loving your neighbor and secretly muting their texts.
• 1:04
  Today's question is one that we probably wrestle with, but we don't
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  like to make public because we're genuinely nice people that love
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  everyone. Let's get right into it. There are people in my
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  community I genuinely care about, but they're hard to be
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  around. They dominate conversations or complain
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  constantly or just rub me the wrong way. How do I love
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  them without faking it or losing it?
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  Okay. So if you've ever debated whether loving your neighbor had a clause
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  for personality clashes, this episode is for
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  you and definitely one for me. According to a
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  2022 Mental Health Research Canada survey, over
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  sixty percent of Canadians say they regularly engage in emotional
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  labor during everyday interactions, especially with people that they
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  find difficult. It turns out that we're a nation of polite
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  nodders and internal eye rollers. We're not ignoring
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  people. We're editing ourselves to keep the peace,
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  which is noble and exhausting. So
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  what do you do when someone's draining your energy, but not your love?
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  When the care is present, but patience is on a smoke
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  break. Okay. We know that there's people that you'd bake a cake
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  for, and then people you'd bake a cake just to put something in
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  their mouth so that they'll stop talking for a while. Consider this
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  scenario. You're in a group conversation, and then that
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  one person hijacks it again. They tell a
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  story, ignore the room's vibe, and keep going
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  long after the wrap up. Energy is settled in. You
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  try to stay engaged. You smile. You nod. You
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  secretly Google active listening facial expressions. You love
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  them. You really do. But loving them has started to feel like low level
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  spiritual cardio. Here's another scenario. It's someone in
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  your circle who always needs something. Your time, your
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  ear, your availability, but they rarely ask how you're
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  doing. But you listen anyway. You show up.
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  But over time, their presence starts to feel like a withdrawal, and your
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  compassion account is running low. And then you feel guilty
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  because you're tired of someone God told you to love. Let's
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  take a look at what scripture has to say. Let's get
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  biblical. Biblical. We're looking at Jesus and
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  his disciples out of Mark nine. You see, Jesus'
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  own disciples weren't exactly easy. They argued
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  about who is the greatest. They misunderstood his mission
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  all the time. They fell asleep when he needed them. They
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  tried to block children from getting close to him when Jesus
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  obviously loved kids. And if they were in a small group, someone would have
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  started a do not let Peter talk first policy. I'm sure of
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  it. And yet, Jesus doesn't shame them.
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  He sits them down. He brings a child right into the center,
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  and he says, whoever wants to be first must be the very
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  last and a servant of all. He doesn't just correct their
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  behavior. He reframes greatness, not as
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  power, but as presence, not as status,
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  but as service, even when the people around you are wearing you
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  down. You see, Jesus didn't require people to be
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  easy in order to stay in community with them, and neither should
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  we. Let's take a second. Who are the people who feel
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  hardest to love in your life right now? Are you showing up for them with
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  pressure or with purpose? Because love without
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  boundaries becomes burnout. But love with boundaries,
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  that's where the spirit breathes. Loving difficult people
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  doesn't always make you a spiritual pushover. It makes you a person
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  trying to show up sincerely even when it's hard. You're not failing
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  just because it's frustrating. You're growing one act at a
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  time. So if you've been loving someone who stretches your patience
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  more than your heart, keep going. Not because they
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  deserve it, but because love can be stubborn too.
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  You got a question about caring for difficult people? Maybe you're struggling with
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  this and wanna be with a group of like minded individuals asking the same
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  questions. Head over to our Care Impact podcast group on Facebook,
• 5:19
  or you can just connect with us on our website at CareImpact.ca. Until next
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  time, keep loving, keep laughing. And if you've ever needed
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  a deep breath before replying to someone's voice note,
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  that counts as spiritual maturity, and always remember
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  to stay curious.