Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / The Privilege of Quiet: Advocacy That Lets Others Be Heard

Transcript

The Privilege of Quiet: Advocacy That Lets Others Be Heard · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

0:01
An advocate is someone who either stands in front of you and speaks
0:05
on your behalf, stands beside you and just kinda helps you
0:08
when you forget a word or when you get too nervous, they give you the
0:11
prompts to say what you wanted to say. Or they stand
0:15
behind you and they're just there. They're the muscle kinda
0:18
just pumping you up and they know that you got it, but they're just there
0:22
in case you you just need to remember there's someone at your back.
0:27
What if advocacy isn't about having the mic, but knowing
0:31
when to pass it? How do we listen without trying to fix?
0:35
Maybe real care starts when we stop assuming we know what's
0:39
needed and start asking. This
0:43
is Journey with Care, a podcast by Care Impact where curious
0:46
Canadians find inspiration to love others well through real life
0:50
stories and honest conversations.
0:55
I was reminded this week about when I was a youth leader back,
0:59
oh, like over twenty years ago. I was leading the youth worship
1:03
band, you know, training and equipping them to learn to lead
1:06
worship. And let me tell you, it was a real exercise
1:10
in restraint. There are moments I knew I could step in,
1:14
fix the rhythm, tighten the harmonies, or just
1:17
take over completely. And honestly, sometimes I
1:21
really wanted to. Not because I didn't believe in them,
1:25
but because I did. I could see their potential.
1:29
I just didn't want them to fail. But I had to learn
1:33
that part of leading was letting them learn,
1:36
letting them fail small because we learn from mistakes and
1:40
failures. But I know I needed to let them figure things out
1:44
and know that the stage, even in its messiness, was still
1:48
a safe place for them to grow. My job wasn't to make them
1:51
perfect. It was to make space. And it was the same with my own
1:55
kids, especially my eldest son. We knew he had a gift from music
1:59
for leading worship even at a young age. We could see it in him
2:02
before he could. So we nudged, we encouraged,
2:07
maybe even pushed a little too hard. And instead of stepping
2:10
forward, he pulled back. He didn't wanna be told what to
2:14
do, even if it was something we knew that he was made for.
2:18
So when we finally stepped back, when we stop trying to lead
2:21
from in front, he found his own way to the mic on
2:25
his own terms, and now he hasn't looked back.
2:29
Sometimes the most powerful thing we could do is get out of the
2:33
way. Hey. Before we introduce our guest today, I wanna remind you
2:37
that our podcast can only grow with your help. So thank
2:41
you so much for sharing this podcast with others that you know need to hear
2:44
it, and we would love to keep the conversation going with you on the Care
2:48
Impact Podcast Facebook group. Check the show notes for the link.
2:52
Alright. Now our guest today was a guest in season
2:55
two episode nine. It was such a great conversation, and we
2:59
wanted to have her back for this series. Marie
3:03
Christian has spent decades building platforms for youth and care to be
3:06
heard, not just spoken about. From becoming a guardian
3:10
at age 20 to directing the voices network to shaping
3:14
national conversations, she embodies advocacy that is
3:17
grounded, relational, and radically empowering. But
3:21
what struck us most, Marie doesn't speak for others.
3:25
She walks beside them. Alright. I'm gonna hand it over to you,
3:28
Wendy, to get this conversation going. I would love to, Marie.
3:32
I am so delighted to have you back in studio here with us
3:36
talking about a a topic that I couldn't imagine asking anyone
3:39
else, specifically on advocacy and having
3:43
voices be heard. Is really a part of who you
3:47
are. But before we get in, I just have a fun question to ask
3:50
you. Marie, if you had an unlimited
3:54
gift card to any store, but it can't be something, like, practical, like for
3:58
groceries or something, where would you pick and why?
4:03
Well, I'm afraid that my choice
4:06
fuels my addiction. I would want an unlimited
4:10
gift card to, like, McNally Robinson because
4:14
I just love books. And while I'm starting to enjoy
4:18
and appreciate audiobooks, I like hardcover books.
4:22
Where it becomes an addiction and perhaps a folly is that I
4:25
have almost an entire cupboard full of books that I
4:28
love and will read sooner than later. I keep
4:32
trying to tell myself, don't buy any more books until you've read these ones,
4:36
but sometimes they call to me. As an audio
4:39
guy, books are great for sound absorption. So if you ever wanna
4:43
create a podcast studio, there's that's a great excuse for you to buy
4:47
more books, just so you know, even if you're not gonna read them. Oh, Johan,
4:50
you are enabling me, and Marie, I couldn't agree with you more, sister.
4:54
I am a book junkie. I love books, and there's so many.
4:58
Like, I have to have five going at once, and there's there is a
5:01
bookshelf right here beside me, books that I've yet to read,
5:05
that I have good intentions for. But I would love to go
5:09
shopping with you at McNally Robinson. Good Canadian store
5:12
too. Yes. Yes. So in our
5:16
series, the cost of indifference, we've been looking at a variety of ways
5:20
that it costs society. It costs us
5:24
when we are indifferent, particularly towards
5:27
those that are more marginalized, more vulnerable.
5:31
And today, I'd love to dive in with you, Marie,
5:35
on the privilege of just staying quiet, not doing
5:38
anything, and why advocacy matters.
5:42
Can you tell me a little bit about I know
5:46
this is near and dear to your heart, but tell me a little bit why
5:50
what gets you up in the morning for advocacy when I talk about that?
5:54
I think what gets me up in the morning when it comes to
5:58
advocacy, just the thrill of knowing,
6:02
especially in my experience, that young people are learning
6:06
that their voice matters and that while
6:10
sharing your thoughts and sharing your opinions may not lead to you getting
6:13
what you want, The real important thing is that you were a part of
6:17
that conversation, especially when it directly
6:20
impacts your life or the lives of of the people who
6:24
you care about, who are in your community. So just seeing
6:28
that that dawning of realization on the
6:32
faces of young people and and other folks from care
6:36
is what makes me excited about advocacy and helping them
6:39
to make their voice heard. When did you first realize that
6:43
this is a is something that needs to be paid attention
6:47
to and the power of advocacy and sharing your own story?
6:51
Did you just wake up one day and say, you know what? This is important,
6:55
or what brought that on for you? Sometime
6:59
in high school, I must have learned about, youth
7:03
engagement in some way because I remember, like, with my church youth
7:06
group, we always had, you know, different youth leaders, always
7:10
adults. Back then, you know, being 14, 15, you think that
7:13
they're much older and wiser when really they must have just been 30 year olds.
7:17
And when I turned 16, I really got this
7:21
fierce passion for there needs to be young people on the
7:25
youth committee. And I remember, you know, with a few of the other young people
7:28
at the church really advocating that at least two young people
7:32
should be also a part of the planning of youth activities.
7:36
And which was really out of, character for me. I was a really
7:40
shy young person, who I it made me
7:44
nervous just to think of speaking out loud. But for some
7:47
reason, that became really important to me at that time. But it
7:51
wasn't until I became the legal guardian
7:55
of my nephews and we needed to reach out for
7:58
help to the children's advocate office and they did what
8:02
they could, but the best thing they did was offer me a job. They
8:06
offered me to be the youth, outreach coordinator
8:10
and to visit different group homes and talk to kids about their rights while
8:14
they're in care. And that's where I learned that
8:17
it's actually a right under the United Nations Convention
8:21
on the Rights of the Child. Article 12, you have the right
8:24
to share your opinion on decisions that directly
8:28
impact you. Learning that just made me feel like, oh,
8:32
okay. So it's not just a little tingle I had in my stomach.
8:36
Like we actually do have the right to speak and to be heard and to
8:39
be involved. And again, it took a few years to learn that
8:43
that doesn't necessarily mean you'll get your way. The important thing
8:47
is you're a part of that conversation and you can be a part
8:50
of developing whatever the next steps are. But for youth and care
8:54
specifically, you can be a part of developing what your plan of
8:58
care will look like. I love that, Marie, and that
9:02
children's lives matter in the way they
9:05
can actually have a voice over their own story
9:09
and their own desires and wishes. And, wow, what a
9:13
privilege that you were invested in at that young age to learn
9:16
about the rights of, of children. How old were you
9:20
when you took on this job? I believe I was
9:24
20, 20 one. And also
9:28
taking care of your nephew? Mhmm. Two of them. Yeah. When
9:31
they came to live with me, they were nine months old and six years
9:35
old. And by the time I finally reached out for help, they were probably
9:39
like one and a half and seven. And again, I was still a really
9:43
shy introverted introverted young person, but needing to
9:46
speak up on their behalf gave me courage. And then
9:50
being hired and then be given all this training to be able to
9:54
communicate this to other young people gave me finally a
9:58
voice to be able to help others find their
10:01
voice. Can you tell me a little bit more when you did go,
10:05
talk to the different group homes and listen to the group homes? What were some
10:09
things that surprised you about advocacy? And as you were listening
10:12
to so many youth, you had a great opportunity, front row seat
10:17
to this role. What did you learn through that
10:20
experience? Well, I learned that
10:24
most young people's immediate perception is that
10:28
this is bunk as they used to say. We don't say that anymore, but
10:32
it's bunk. This isn't gonna go anywhere. They don't actually
10:36
have a voice or or what they say doesn't really matter.
10:40
But if they chose to stay like in connection and
10:43
if they did have something that they needed to advocate for, then we would take
10:47
the steps to make their voices heard. One of
10:51
the biggest things we always worked on was,
10:54
our immediate, feeling when we're feeling unheard is that we have to
10:58
yell. We have to speak louder to make people hear. But I
11:02
learned from them, from other youth in care
11:06
advocates from across the country that sometimes
11:09
or usually, you're mostly heard in a
11:13
meaningful way when you can find that center of
11:16
calm and not allow your emotions to,
11:20
like, really override what you're trying to say. But when
11:24
a young person is able to control
11:28
and deliver what they want to say, then the adults
11:31
in their lives listen even more closely. They lean in a little
11:35
bit more to hear this quiet voice. So that was one of
11:39
the biggest things that I learned and that the other young people learned as well
11:42
that they can make their voice heard. It doesn't have to be a screen.
11:47
We can figure out just how to communicate effectively,
11:51
to make sure that they're being heard. Wow. That is
11:54
really powerful and so empowering for
11:58
youth to understand that their voice
12:02
matters, but to bring yourself to a place of calm, to be able to
12:06
gently speak truth to power because
12:10
there is a bit of a power imbalance even just age wise. And and we
12:14
right now, we're talking about the young and the old or the those in care
12:17
and not in care, but you could put it into variety of context,
12:22
of different sectors, social sectors where some are empowered and
12:26
some not. But those that would be considered less
12:29
privileged to have a voice, to learn how to have
12:33
that voice is so needed in our
12:36
society. And I just know fast forward, I don't know
12:40
how many years, but I met you, oh, was it ten years
12:43
ago maybe when, you were the executive director for
12:47
Voices working with youth aging out of
12:51
care? Can you tell me a little bit how you went
12:54
on and were training young people how to share
12:58
that voice? And, man, is that powerful, but tell me about that.
13:02
Sure. So while I was at the advocate's office, there
13:06
was a young person who used to come in pretty often to sit with the
13:09
advocate, Janet Merwalt at that time. And I just
13:13
heard wondering like, who is this young person? And she walks with so much
13:16
confidence. And they told me, oh, she's the director of the
13:20
youth and care network. But she was just finishing her term at that time,
13:24
so the position was open. I applied and then I just
13:28
kept calling and asking. And finally, I got an
13:31
interview and was hired. So coming into this role
13:35
at Voices, I decided, and this might sound
13:39
cheesy, but I just kind of prayed every day, like, God, what do you
13:42
want me to do while I'm here? So my main mission just
13:46
became to like, just love. Like, all of those things that
13:50
I felt that I missed just because of my own
13:53
experience of childhood, lots of transiency in and out of care,
13:57
whatnot. How can we just love these other young
14:01
people in and from care and give them that family experience?
14:05
All the all the best things that you hope families give to their children,
14:09
how can we make sure that happens? And one of those things was
14:12
a voice. Like I had said a few times already, I was
14:16
super shy and afraid to speak up as a young person. So I wanted to
14:20
make sure that any young people who interacted with the network,
14:24
that that was one of the first things that they learned, that their voice matters
14:28
not to be afraid or even when you are afraid, let's find a way to
14:31
make your voice heard anyway. And you've been leading
14:35
by example too, just in the way you've you've spoken out in
14:39
media and in in radio, different ways that I I've heard you
14:43
speak up. And when you hear your voice coming through in different
14:46
settings, there's some confidence, but you're not coming over confident
14:50
either. You're not, like, yelling and saying, we've gotta change child
14:54
welfare, and you're not coming across angry at all, which I've
14:58
really appreciate because it invites people to the table to to hear what
15:02
you have to say. And people are leaning in, and people have put you in
15:06
places of leadership time and again. It's an affirmation
15:09
that what you're doing is on the right track. And and
15:13
I know we've invited you to different events in the past, and
15:17
and you are a big proponent of not speaking
15:21
for people but with people. And you've been empowering
15:25
young adults, young, kids aging out of care
15:29
to share their stories, and we've had them be keynote and and
15:33
panel discussions. And they have shared their stories.
15:37
I imagine there there's a lot of coaching, and
15:41
I see a lot of loving mama bear. They look up to you
15:45
not just, oh, this is this is my boss or somebody that I
15:48
I program I go to. There's a familial side to
15:52
to what you offer there. And those
15:56
voices are so powerful. And here you are in the background
16:00
or beside them with your arm around them. I just
16:03
beaming mama bear pride for them speaking up and
16:07
so well. Tell me what that's like to hear other
16:10
people at that empowered stage, to share their
16:14
story. It is one of the
16:18
best feelings in the world because we always start with
16:22
practicing sharing our stories just amongst ourselves
16:25
and really emphasizing safe storytelling.
16:30
Yes. We wanna make an impact. We wanna touch people's hearts and we wanna see
16:33
change happen, but not as a cost of your own
16:37
mental, emotional health or the our
16:41
listeners. So learning safe storytelling and then
16:44
watching them practice safe storytelling or when we
16:48
have an occasion to watch how other groups
16:52
might have youth panels when they turn to me and they
16:56
say, oh my gosh, is someone supporting that young person? Because that young person is
16:59
not sharing their story safely. I'm like, okay. So you get it. You get
17:03
like just that fine balance between I'm sharing my story and I'm
17:07
potentially harming myself and my listeners. So
17:10
watching them just grow in that ability to share their story, to share it
17:14
meaningfully, to receive feedback or to
17:18
answer questions in a way that honors their story is so
17:21
exciting because you know that they're gonna, they could move
17:25
on and and continue to use this skill in every area of
17:29
their lives.
17:33
Without going into the specifics of individual stories,
17:38
can you give me some examples of what it did for
17:41
them to be able to be given the mic or be given those opportunities
17:45
to share their stories? How did that add value,
17:49
confidence, you name it, to their lives moving
17:52
forward in in in many ways? Well, I'm
17:56
thinking of a few of our of our young
17:59
leaders who, you know, came in
18:03
just feeling angry with the system and angry with the world, but
18:07
by finding that sense of belonging and community at the
18:10
network and being able to practice their stories,
18:14
sharing skills or to to work together to advocate on an
18:18
issue. Many of them have gone on to just do
18:21
amazing things, whether I'm thinking of one who is a director of
18:25
another child welfare agency right now, others who are
18:29
lawyers, teachers, nurses, others who have been able to,
18:33
maybe even most significantly, they've been able to
18:36
interrupt the system cycle in their own life where their parents
18:40
were in care. Now they were in care. They've lost their
18:44
children into care, but they've learned how to center
18:47
themselves and have a conversation with their worker
18:51
so that they could develop a plan to bring their child home. And now they've
18:55
reunified their family or others who were able
18:59
to center themselves, have a conversation with the agency and
19:02
avoid having their kids apprehended at all. Just being able
19:06
to speak without letting it
19:09
be completely emotional, which for some reason just shuts listeners
19:13
down, but to be able to speak and say, this is what I need. This
19:17
is what my family needs. So those are some of the
19:20
most impactful ways that I've seen, young
19:23
people continue to use their voice after their time with the
19:27
voices. I think some of the more fun advocacy
19:31
stuff that we've done as a network or that we did as a network while
19:34
I was on staff there was things like our garbage
19:38
bag fashion show, where the young people really
19:42
wanted to raise awareness of the frequency of moves while kids are in
19:45
care. And not only the frequency, but the
19:49
way that their items were just thrown into garbage bags and kinda like
19:53
ready at the door when they got off from school or in the trunk when
19:57
they were just getting picked up. And they thought the
20:00
best way to communicate the need for planned and thoughtful
20:04
placements was to have a fashion show where all of the clothes are made out
20:08
of garbage bags and they were like, garbage bags are great for
20:12
fashion, not for moving. You know? So they were able
20:16
to make their voice heard in a really creative way and in a really impactful
20:19
way. I still hear from people. And this fashion show was a few
20:23
years ago. I still hear from folks about the
20:27
impact of watching them and participating in the show, what that
20:30
did for for them as listeners. So I love
20:34
that. And being able to include some humor because
20:38
there's some camaraderie and something that you mentioned earlier on, there's a
20:42
sense of belonging and that safety to share your stories
20:45
that they weren't just going out there, in a loudspeaker and sharing their
20:49
stories in a vulnerable, exploitative way. There was a sense
20:53
of safety net in and how to share the stories. That was a safe
20:57
place to do it. And I think that's so valuable and can be
21:01
overlooked when we say, oh, we just need to listen. That's
21:04
important. But let's talk to the listener
21:09
that may be part of a church that has a heart for their community
21:13
that says, you know what, Marie? I love what you're saying here, and I want
21:16
people to have a voice. I wanna listen. I've been hearing this over and over
21:20
in the episodes. We need to listen better. Talk to that
21:23
individual. Talk to me. How can I be a good listener
21:27
to the story? What do I need to know so that I can
21:31
be a helpful participant in their journey?
21:35
Well, I think to the average person who just
21:39
wants to listen, I would
21:42
say, a, thank you. That's excellent.
21:47
And b, check your biases. It's
21:50
absolutely natural that the way we were raised, the
21:54
environment we were raised in, the community we were raised in, we will have
21:57
certain beliefs about how things work in life. So if
22:01
you're truly ready to listen, then just be aware that your own
22:05
experiences might tint what you hear
22:09
and then be willing to set those aside. And like, be willing to tell yourself,
22:12
okay, just because I was raised this way doesn't mean everyone had that
22:16
experience. At the national level, we have Youth in Care
22:19
Canada and one of our slogans there is
22:23
ask, listen, believe, act.
22:27
So ask the questions. You know, please be
22:31
mindful never to ask a young person or anyone
22:35
to to to share too many details of their story. I know it can be
22:37
really interesting and you wanna know like the nitty gritty, but
22:41
be mindful of avenues. But ask if you if you have a question, ask,
22:45
listen to their response, believe that what they are
22:49
telling you is true, even if it is from their experience. And if
22:53
they're a young person, yes, their perspective will be
22:56
limited because they're young and maybe they don't see the whole picture, but
23:00
believe them when they say that that's how it impacted them and
23:04
then act on it. If there's something you can do to
23:07
either help that young person make their voice heard or to
23:11
respond to what they're saying, do so. And if you're
23:15
not sure, ask that young person, how can I help? Are you just telling
23:19
me this because you need to vent or what do you wanna do with this?
23:22
But make sure that there's some action behind what
23:25
you've heard and learned from the person who's sharing with you.
23:29
That is really helpful, and you've put a framework around that.
23:33
It it leads me to wonder, how can I be that safe
23:37
person to listen well so that
23:41
even if I come with good intentions and I I'm you're
23:45
right? We have biases. We just do. We come with our
23:48
framework or worldview. It's not good or bad necessarily. It's just that
23:52
we come with those biases. And let's say I I do those things,
23:56
yet how do I be that safe person for the person
24:00
speaking up and be an ally with them?
24:04
Yeah. Well, I think you just have to be yourself
24:07
because we can't be all things to all people, but we can be
24:11
ourselves and the person who needs us will find
24:15
us. You know, back when and I'm currently on leave from
24:18
voices. So when I say back when I'm referring to when I was
24:22
on staff, hiring staff
24:26
or recruiting practicum students, they would
24:30
come in and they would compare themselves to maybe a staff who's
24:33
been there longer or a volunteer who just seems to have a really good
24:37
connection with the kids. And they oh, I don't have I'm not I'm I don't
24:40
have that kind of energy. And I would remind them that it's okay.
24:44
Some people, their personality is a three. You're always cool as
24:48
a cucumber, and you're always here. Some people are always operating at an
24:52
eight. Super high energy, gonna kick a ball, gonna run somewhere.
24:56
Young people will go to what they
25:00
need when they need it. And if you are just comfortable being
25:04
yourself, then that young person who needs a cool cucumber, they
25:07
will come find you and they will come talk to you. That young person who
25:11
needs to be pumped up and they need a 10, they will go find a
25:14
person who operates at a 10. Just be cool and
25:18
comfortable with who you are, where you are, and the person who needs
25:21
you will find you. Oh, that's so good, Marie,
25:25
because that really underscores the the fact that we need to be who God
25:29
created us to be. And and that requires certain vulnerability,
25:33
wouldn't you say? Like, often we can mask that we have to be a certain
25:36
thing, especially if we're thinking of ourselves in a helper or a listener type of
25:40
role as if we have something to fix or let's just face it.
25:43
Sometimes that's the the biases we come into when somebody wants
25:47
to share something that is maybe a little harder than we might have
25:51
experienced, and we we do care for the marginalized or those
25:55
that are in a vulnerable situation. However,
25:58
being who we are, you're inviting us to vulnerability.
26:02
You're inviting us to be seen for who we are and all the
26:06
imperfections included. And that goes across the board.
26:09
It's not just for those that are coming from difficult
26:13
upbringings. Aren't we all longing for
26:17
genuine connections to be who we are and know that
26:21
we're enough that way, that there's people that that we're created to
26:25
connect with in our natural beings, that is
26:28
a very powerful presence without having to contrive
26:32
anything or be something for somebody. That's so
26:36
good. Now I have a question about your role with you you are
26:40
an advocate. You continue to, like, be an advocate in some
26:43
very needed spaces in our our society
26:47
across Canada, And yet there's also a
26:51
sense that I hear you saying, I'm not gonna speak up for, I'm
26:55
gonna speak up with. How do you know that balance
26:58
of of advocating versus listening and pulling back and
27:02
letting other voices be heard so that we're not
27:06
giving them the mic. They they have the mic already and we're not stepping in
27:10
their way. Tell me a bit, how do you how do you balance that
27:13
out? Well, way, way, way back
27:17
when I started in this, one of the first things I learned about
27:21
was what is an advocate? And so now when I'm talking
27:24
to other folks, whether it's young people or adults, I use the
27:28
same model. An advocate is someone who either
27:32
stands in front of you and speaks on your behalf, stands
27:35
beside you and just kinda helps you when you forget a word or when you
27:38
get too nervous, they give you the prompts to say what you wanted to say,
27:42
or they stand behind you and they're just there. They're the
27:46
muscle kinda just pumping you up and they know that you got it, but
27:50
they're just there in case you you just need to remember there's someone at your
27:54
back. The only way you can be an effective advocate is
27:57
to ask the person you're advocating for how do they want you
28:01
to be in this moment? Do they need you in front,
28:05
beside, or behind? And so in my work,
28:09
there have been times where, you know, as a network and then
28:13
in my role right now where, yes, I need to be the person standing
28:17
in front and maybe speaking on behalf of echoing the voices that
28:20
I've heard. But as often as possible,
28:24
it's nice to be able to stand just beside someone. Stand beside a
28:28
young person who knows what they wanna say. They're feeling a little nervous and you're
28:32
just there. You, you know, you've you've met with them so you can point to
28:35
them. Okay. Yeah. You wanted to raise this point. You wanted to say that. Okay.
28:39
And then the best times are when I'm just there because they they
28:43
want another person in the room, but they are fully capable of speaking
28:47
for themselves. So, yeah, when it comes to advocacy,
28:51
whether a local or a national level, it's either recognizing
28:55
where I need to be or asking the person
28:59
I'm speaking or I'm advocating for where they need me to
29:03
be. Wow. So profound. Just ask.
29:08
I love I love the the different positionings that you find
29:11
yourself in, and I can identify with situations people come in
29:15
mind where I've had to do all three in different different
29:18
scenarios. But it really begins with
29:23
asking the individual, listening, what do you want? And it might look different.
29:26
Their answer might look different than what you think you could provide for them. Maybe
29:30
you have a an amazing program or an amazing suggestion
29:34
or whatever, but yet recognizing the need
29:38
of them having that advocacy need already voiced between
29:42
you and them, that they are advocating what they need. It it
29:45
begins in your relationship, not just in what they say outward and
29:49
what they do and how you support them. Right. It's I don't like the
29:53
word giving them their voice because they already have one.
29:57
It's empowering. Empowering. You're inviting their voice into
30:01
the conversation. What do you want? It is empowering. Mhmm.
30:04
Yeah. When we talk about advocates and
30:08
we make a web of advocates with young people, we
30:12
often start with the circle right in the middle of the web.
30:16
Who is your best advocate? Sometimes they'll say my mom,
30:20
my auntie, my cat. Who is your best advocate? Who's the
30:24
first person who knows when there's something not quite right?
30:29
Me. Yes. You are your own best advocate. So
30:32
let's start with there. And again, going back to just using your voice
30:36
to be able to say, something's not right. May not know what
30:40
exactly is wrong or how to fix it, but just having
30:44
that self awareness that something's not right and I need help. We'll go
30:47
from there. Maria, I'd love for you to to talk
30:52
to the church for a moment. Churches
30:55
that want to care, that want to do well in their community
31:00
and journeying with community. We've got a lot of
31:03
programs. We've got a lot of ideas of what we could
31:07
do to make our communities better. What role does advocacy
31:11
play in that, and how how might that even disrupt
31:15
I'm just thinking out loud. Maybe there's a leading question, but how that might
31:18
disrupt just asking them what they what would you like, how that
31:22
would disrupt our everyday program, our doing, our
31:26
trying to do well for the neighbor. Let me just create that as
31:30
an a statement. That's a disruptive thing right there
31:33
Mhmm. For a church. Do you have anything else to add to that thinking of
31:37
a church context that's wanting to care for others?
31:42
Well, I think, like, it just brings me back to everything
31:46
I've learned about community building and allyship,
31:49
which I was told the other day, folks are moving away from the
31:53
word allyship and more towards collaborators and
31:56
conspirators. Well, I can't remember the exact reason why, but it was
32:00
more disruptive to think of people coming alongside as
32:04
collaborators of change. But at the heart of community
32:07
building comes that conversation,
32:11
relationship building with community and then asking them, how can we
32:15
help? It's great to come up with programs
32:20
and like really well meaning activities, but
32:23
if it's not what the community is asking for, then you're
32:27
doing a good thing, but it's it's not gonna be sustainable. It's not gonna
32:31
be meaningful. So as a church, whether it's specifically
32:35
with that church community or if they want to be
32:38
doing meaningful work with the community around their building,
32:42
it starts with a conversation and relationship building that
32:46
will lead to community building. And when you have that relationship, you can
32:50
say, okay. What do you need? How can we be more helpful?
32:55
But Marie, getting into relationship with others, that's
32:58
messy though. What if they say something that I'm not prepared for? What
33:02
if they they want something that we've never done things in
33:05
that way? Are we now the puppet to whatever the
33:09
demands of the community? I'm I'm just being devil's advocate
33:13
here, but how do we respond to that? I imagine
33:17
and the hundreds and and thousands of kids that you've journeyed
33:21
alongside with. You deal with a lot of
33:24
complicated, sad,
33:27
nuanced, happy, sad, you know, complicated
33:31
stories that you haven't been their savior,
33:35
but you've been their collaborator.
33:38
What's that like? Give us some insight on how to be good
33:42
collaborators as the church walking in the messy
33:46
and not fixing people? I think it goes back to
33:50
what we were talking about whether you're a level three or a level 10 in
33:53
terms of energy, just being who you are. So
33:57
if you've built relationship with your community and they
34:00
are saying, we want every lawn on this street
34:04
painted purple. You don't have to just jump and get purple paint.
34:09
Keep having that conversation. Why? What does this mean to you? How
34:12
would this change things? And I think after you've been able to have
34:16
that conversation in a in a good way, you will get
34:20
distilled down to like the actual heart of what that person or that
34:23
community is looking for. Our community is messy and we want things to
34:27
look pretty. Okay. Alright. This we can do.
34:31
You'll figure out how to get to the heart
34:35
of what is needed and what is wanted. And then maybe from there, you
34:39
can grow into, well, this is what we're actually capable of doing. Does this
34:42
work? I love that because what you're getting at is what I
34:46
often refer to attachment styles. In a community attachment, we don't wanna
34:50
be preoccupied attachment style where we're like, if I do this, will you like
34:53
me now? Or if I do this, will I will I gain your approval so
34:57
that I can show like, that can be almost pandering to
35:01
and sort of virtue signaling just because we wanna do just
35:05
so you know that I like you rather than going at the heart of
35:08
what is it about that and and finding those common denominators
35:12
that I guarantee no matter in the diversity in
35:16
that room and that conversation around the table or wherever you find
35:20
yourself, when you get to know each other, there are
35:23
common denominators, and being your authentic self can
35:27
probably reach to their authentic need when you you
35:31
have what one of my friends says, a thousand cups of
35:34
tea. Sometimes it takes up that much, sometimes not so
35:38
long, but finding those common things that you can that's
35:42
true collaboration. Mhmm. Alright, Marie. To wrap
35:45
up here, if there was one thing that our listeners could take away that we
35:49
could maybe put into practice, what would
35:53
that one challenge be for us that we could grow that
35:57
muscle? I would direct everyone back
36:00
to ask, listen, believe, act, which I know
36:04
is maybe four things when you break it down. But and I'm thinking
36:07
particularly, I saw, a post on
36:11
Facebook about the missing and murdered
36:15
encampment at Prairie Green. A body was found. A mother was
36:19
found. And I know that there were a lot of feelings around the
36:23
call to search the landfills. And and everyone's entitled
36:26
to their feelings, but even if this conversation only happens
36:30
with yourself, ask, why did I feel that way? And how do
36:34
I feel now? Listen and honor those feelings that are
36:38
coming up for you. Believe yourself.
36:41
Sometimes we like to believe it or not, lie to ourselves about how we
36:45
felt. No. If you had biases, check those biases and believe that
36:49
that's where you were and believe that you can
36:53
have a different idea about these social issues and then
36:57
act on them. If there's a way to show support
37:00
for the rest of the search that's happening or
37:04
to organizations that do work with missing and murdered indigenous women and
37:08
girls or any social issue, it doesn't have to be that one. That's just the
37:12
one that's kind of front of mind for me right now because it's
37:15
it's it's front and forward right now. I would challenge listeners
37:19
to just do those four things, ask, listen, believe,
37:23
and then act on it. That's a great call to
37:26
action. We'll we'll put that in the show notes and we'll put it on our
37:29
social media for those that want to make sure that you're following up with our
37:33
calls to action because we wanna take these conversations from the head to the heart,
37:37
into action, not just listening, going one ear out the
37:41
other. So now we're gonna do our segment, Anne Marie. We're gonna get you
37:45
included in this because you could probably speak to it. It is time
37:48
for Care lingo.
37:52
This is the part of the show where we give a term or
37:56
phrase to our listening audience that they may or may not be
37:59
familiar with. That's kind of in the caring circles, words that we might overuse
38:03
sometimes, but they don't know what we're talking about. So our word or phrase
38:07
today is felt safety. And I know when I
38:10
first you know, I'm a huge Indiana Jones fan, if
38:14
you don't know this. But, like, felt safety for me is, like,
38:18
taking care of that beloved felt hat, that fedora, that
38:22
treasured felt accessory, keeping it safe from harm, you know. Like, picture this,
38:26
you're racing through the jungle, you're dodging those booby traps, and and
38:29
just as you're about to escape, your fedora falls off. Do you risk
38:33
your life to grab that fedora? Of course you do,
38:37
because felt safety means never letting go of your hat, you
38:41
know, your dignity. Don't let that get compromised. You gotta
38:44
protect that felt. It's felt safety. So that's what I
38:48
thought it might mean. I don't know about you, Marie. You probably know the real
38:52
definition. What what does felt safety mean to you, Marie?
38:56
Well, okay. I'm glad that Indiana Jones is what popped
39:00
up for you because the first thing that popped up for me was
39:03
Sunday school back in the eighties, where they
39:07
had a felt board and the teacher usually
39:11
sister Kai Fling, she would she would have these little felt
39:15
figures and they would move across the board as she told the story.
39:19
I love stories. So that is definitely a memory of of
39:23
safety for me, and it was all in felt. So,
39:26
yeah, that's felt safety for me. But, I mean, more
39:30
realistically, felt safety is just that sense of safety
39:33
that someone has when they're in a space. And I guess when
39:37
they add the word felt to it, it might not be necessarily,
39:41
an obviously safe place, but for whatever reason, they
39:45
feel safe in that space. Well and, like, I I was
39:48
taken back to that too and how we would try to create some
39:53
maybe not so great words and stories out of those felt things when the when
39:57
the teacher was out of the room. So felt safety means locking some of those
40:00
things up when you're leaving the kids alone with that felt, I think. Oh, we
40:04
can have a lot of fun. I'd like to include to the felt safety
40:08
idea. Sometimes people think they're creating a safe environment,
40:12
because I'm like, well, we've got fire extinguishers. We got our physical
40:15
safety. I've told everybody, like, we've made it warm and
40:18
inclusive, and and yet it's based on not
40:22
what we create for safety. It's what that person
40:31
comes in with, we have to earn that secure
40:34
attachment. We have to earn that safety space so that they feel
40:38
secure. And it's not just a measure of what we
40:42
do. We we have to again ask, what is it that you need,
40:46
so that we can establish that safety? Yeah. I've I've heard of more and
40:49
more places moving away from saying that they've created a
40:53
safe space to just a safer space. They've done
40:57
as much as they can do to prepare, but, yeah, it'll come through
41:00
conversation of what an individual actually needs to feel
41:05
safer in a space. Yeah. Because one what one
41:08
person needs to feel safe will look different from the other. So there's not
41:12
just a one, two, three manual, and this is what you do, to
41:15
create safety. It's really including that's adding that voice,
41:19
advocacy. Here we go again. Asking what is it that you
41:23
need so that we have felt safety. Well, there you have it. Felt
41:27
safety, and I still recommend you protect those beloved
41:30
fedoras as well. That is very important.
41:34
Huge thank you to Marie again for sharing her stories and insight
41:37
today. It's great to have you on again. We had it
41:41
was just over two years ago that you were on the podcast the first time
41:44
where we were sitting in your office. So, I'm gonna put them in the show
41:47
notes too for listeners to go back to that because that was also a great
41:51
episode. I know over a 50 people tuned in to that one to listen to
41:55
what you had to say. And thank you to our listeners for being a big
41:58
part of the Journey with Care community. You can go on you can go on
42:01
Facebook and find our podcast group there where we will share some of
42:04
these CareLingo segments, and you can have your voice, what you think some
42:08
of these words mean, and just get in on the conversation. If you enjoyed this
42:12
episode, share it with someone else. That's how we grow it. Especially
42:16
if you thought about someone during this episode and say, hey, they need to hear
42:19
this. So send it to that person. Alright. And next week,
42:23
we got our second thoughts again where Wendy and I get to analyze what you
42:26
said, Marie. And not really, but it's just processing
42:30
all the wealth of information and stories that you brought
42:34
us today and how we can take it even further. So thank you so much.
42:37
Thank you for having me. Thank you for joining us on
42:41
Journey with Care. To get more information on weekly episodes,
42:45
upcoming opportunities, or to connect with our community, visit
42:48
journeywithcare.ca, or find Care Impact on Facebook and
42:52
Instagram, or just check the show notes for these links and all the
42:55
links related to this episode. Share your thoughts, leave us a
42:59
message, and be part of a network of individuals journeying in faith and
43:03
purpose. Together, let's discover how we can make a meaningful
43:06
impact.