Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E107: The Beautiful Lessons of Birth w/ Emily Wilson

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E107: The Beautiful Lessons of Birth w/ Emily Wilson · The Lila Rose Show

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I will die with the story of our family written on my body.
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It's beautiful and it's an incredible honor.
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Our culture tries to get women to believe that pervasive lie
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that my body is ruined because my body will never look the
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same. It will never function the same.
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That is such an important thing to let go of.
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Welcome back to the Lila Rose Podcast.
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This is an episode that will be coming out while I am on
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maternity leave. As you might be able to tell
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right now, I'm not yet on maternity leave.
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I am still very pregnant, almost there, and today's episode is
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going to be a lot of fun and I hope very informative because I
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will be talking with my dear friend Emily Wilson, who is an
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author, a singer, a songwriter, as well as an amazing speaker
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and just general voice for women's issues.
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She also crafts these amazing courses for women to help them
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navigate their life and one of the courses is on motherhood.
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It includes aspects about pregnancy.
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We're going to talk all things pregnancy, preparing for
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pregnancy, having babies, what happens after you have the baby,
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our shared experiences about it, and I think you'll find Emily's
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wisdom very helpful. As always, don't forget to
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subscribe to the podcast if you aren't already, wherever you
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listen on podcast Spotify or elsewhere or on YouTube.
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And enjoy the episode. Emily, thanks for joining the
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podcast. Yes, both of us here have our
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bellies and our girls. Is your girl jumping around in
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there? Yes, very much, especially with
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this coffee now. My girl is jumping around too.
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It's so good to be here. Thanks for having.
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Me. So there's four girls here.
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Yep. Isn't that amazing?
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It's it's very it's very cool. It's kind of insane.
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When you think about pregnancy, you're walking around with
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another whole human being inside of you.
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Totally. I tell people my daughter is
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inside of my body and it's like the most amazing, miraculous
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thing ever. It is, and both of our daughters
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won't be in there for long anymore because we're coming
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near to the end. I know.
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So how many weeks are you now? Almost 33.
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And yeah, I mean 37, OK. So our girls, they better be
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friends. They're going to be like neck
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and neck. So you joined.
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You were one of the OG podcast guests, Emily, almost a year ago
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now. And thank you for joining again.
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It's so great to be back. Because we're also kind of
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neighbors. Yes.
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I'm not going to stay exactly where we live on the show, but
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but first for people that haven't met you yet.
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A lot of people know you in different spaces for your
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beautiful work that I think is very life giving, especially for
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women. But share a little bit about
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your your. Background.
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Yeah, absolutely. So I'm a speaker, author.
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I've written seven books at this point.
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Some are children's books, some are longer form books and I just
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love just, you know, I asked my son the other day what do what
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does mommy do for work? And he said she helps people
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learn about Jesus. So a lot of it is faith-based.
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I have a YouTube channel that I that used to be all the time I
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was posting, but now I do a lot of just being at home with my
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sons, raising my sons and I just love it.
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So we have a lot in common because you have two sons and
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now you're having a girl same. And tell me what?
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Let's start with that actually, because this is something we
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talk about on the show a lot. But that process for you,
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because you've been, you have been doing your ministry from a
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very young age. I think when I met you, it was
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at Six Flags, Northern California.
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You weren't married yet. I wasn't married yet.
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And we were like doing the thing.
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Totally. We were traveling like 2012.
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Maybe, yeah, you were like, cool in your leather jacket, about to
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sing before all these, like, screaming music kids.
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But yeah, what has that been like for you?
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The transition of really going hardcore, full time ministry and
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work and then still doing a ton of incredible work.
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It's not like you, you don't work anymore.
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You're still doing in some ways your best work.
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I mean, it is your best work, I think, but even now with being a
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mother of two young boys and expecting your third.
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Yeah, it's been a beautiful surrender to where God wants me
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to be present in each season. You know, over time it's been
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just cool to just really, like in my own heart and in my own
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life, just pray about where God wants me to be, putting my
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energy and effort and things like that.
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So since the boys were born, it's been a lot of nap time
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work. I'm like a nap time worker.
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The last two books that I've written have been written during
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nap times, which has been so sweet.
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Now my boys are really faithful nappers.
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They have been since they were small.
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I don't know why. We do a lot of physical
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activity, They get really tired, they nap really well.
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So I have really just enjoyed adjusting to God.
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Saying like this is the most important thing for you to do
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right now and some of the things that I love to do like writing
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book happening during nap time has been wonderful and life
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giving also, but it's been a huge adjustment because I used
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to fly like 60 or 70 * a year all the time.
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Yeah, and that. More than every week you were on
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the. Road Oh yeah.
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I was doing, like, events all the time.
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And it was a big transition to say that's not the life that God
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is calling me to right now. It's not the life I want.
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I don't want to be away from my children that much.
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So really just like that process of discernment of like, what
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does God want my life to look like now as a mother of two and
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now three and surrendering to that.
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One of my favorite prayers is Henry now.
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And Lord unclench my fists. So, like, try, like, trying,
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maybe trying to hold on early on, like, oh, I want, you know,
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my life to look the same as it was.
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It's not supposed to. So, Lord, I'm clutch my fists,
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kind of just like opening you know, my hands to where he has
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me today and now has been an amazing, peaceful surrender for
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me. That is such a beautiful prayer.
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Isn't it amazing? For anybody at any time,
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including when you're pregnant like.
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Totally. Because there's so much.
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It's funny, like I think about what I feel, what I realize I'm
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getting too controlling over. In terms of just, it's a lot of
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autopilot, 'cause you discern things.
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I know you're very discerning. You take time to really discern.
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Now we're married with our husbands.
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Like, is this what we should do as a family?
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You know, your husband has this incredible insight.
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You, you know, navigate, you make decisions as a family, and
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then you're kind of on autopilot to some degree.
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You don't want to, like, redecide the same decision every
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day, week or month. But then you need to do those
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check insurance where it's like, am I on this autopilot with the
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clenching of the fist, or is the Lord asking something different
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of me at this time to change, to change the system, And that
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takes recollection. You have to, like, stop and pray
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for that. You can't just autopilot it.
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Yeah, absolutely. I think one of the biggest
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things when I was pregnant with my first son, and I don't know
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if you felt this was really the surrender to the
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unpredictability of everything once a baby joins your family.
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Like there's so many unpredictable pieces.
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You realize I am not in control. I was so sick with my first for
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a long time. And then I was even sicker this
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time around and this surrender to I am not in control.
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There's a lot of unpredictable, like unpredictable things up
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ahead. And you, I think it's more like
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you get more used to it over time.
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Do you feel like the unpredictability of everything?
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You've kind of learned how to surrender more over time and
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like, learn how to let go more. I think it's a funny question,
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'cause I think, and we did, we talked about temperaments last
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time, I think our personalities. I think I like unpredictability
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typically naturally by my temperament.
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Now as I get older and like more set in my ways, I guess I want
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more predictability and more responsibilities and
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obligations. But so in a way,
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unpredictability is fun for me. Like for another person, I think
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it would be like a trial that will sanctify them.
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Totally. Are you the sanctified by
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unpredictability? I'm not so much a control.
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Freak, but not a control freak, but.
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But you like, you like the way. Things I don't.
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Know I'm not Type A I'm more of a go with the flow of person.
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I'm a very relaxed person. It's hard to upset me.
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It's hard to like, derail me. But the unpredictability of it,
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I think, I don't know if it even has to do with type A or type B.
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As a woman, you, you just have this child who kind of dominates
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your life and dominates your days.
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And in the beginning you think what is going on and you just
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learn each day, OK, this is unpredictable.
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And whether you're type A, Type B, type whatever, you just have
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to learn more to go with the flow.
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And that can be harder for some of us than others, I think.
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Yeah. Yeah, that makes me think about
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being present, which is that a thing that I have had to
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practice as a mom because I can get in my head to be present and
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meet them at their level and engage with their moment
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whenever their emotional, you know, experiences their mental
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experience and paying attention to it.
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Because I think it's easy in the in the rush of things or just in
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being thinking about things in my own head, to forget that, to
9:10
sometimes lose track of that. As you guys know, we often talk
9:13
about prayer on the podcast and how important prayer is.
9:16
Prayer is scientifically proven to extend your life.
9:19
Prayer is how we deepen our relationship with God.
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Prayer is how we discover what we're meant to do with our
9:24
lives. Prayer is everything and that's
9:27
why I love prayer apps, Tools that can help us to pray in the
9:30
busyness of our lives. Last Advent, we partnered with
9:33
Halo, which is the number one prayer app in the world.
9:36
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9:40
From meditations to guided prayers to stories to sleep
9:44
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Halo app. So you can download the Halo app
9:50
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9:52
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9:55
long partnership with Hallow to help them in their mission to
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help more people pray. OK, so when you were preparing
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for what? Let's start with this for
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pregnancies, what have you. What is something that you've
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learned now that this is their third pregnancy, right?
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That you would have done differently if you had known
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going back to the beginning. Great question.
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One thing I've learned is that pregnancy demands rest.
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Pregnancy demands rest. It doesn't ask it of us.
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It doesn't invite us into it. It demands rest in the sense
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that there are so many times going back to the control
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portion of the thing. Your body is so exhausted and
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you you want to try to push through and you want to try to
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persevere. Be like, why do I feel like
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this? Why am I so tired?
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Because your body is demanding that you slow down and that you
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rest, and that's been hard for me because I'm a go getter doer.
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I love doing all the things and being able to take care of my
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house and maintain everything. And sometimes in pregnancy, and
11:04
this is what I would have told myself in my first one, that's
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just not an option. And pregnancy demands that you
11:09
sit down and just be for a minute or take a nap or so many
11:13
things. I talk to women who they say I
11:15
feel so guilty, I'm trying in my prayer time, and I just keep
11:19
falling asleep. And I don't know what, you know.
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God thinks of that like all the better.
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The Lord wants you to rest. Like your body needs to rest in
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a way that it never has before. Maybe.
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And it's important to honor that, to honor that your body is
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crafting a placenta and crafting bones and crafting, you know all
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of the things. Yes, a human being.
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So to to open yourself to that demand of rest is what I would
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just go back and tell myself it's OK to rest.
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It's more it. It's necessary to rest that's.
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Really good. It's really good too.
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I remember my first I was like pushing hard at the few days
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before his birth, partly for fun.
12:07
I mean my husband, I would be like up till 11:00 PM hanging
12:09
out. I was also doing a bunch of work
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and then labor started at midnight.
12:13
My water broke and it wasn't for another 40 hours that I got to
12:16
sleep. And I realized even just for the
12:19
labor experience, that if I had just done been a good girl and
12:23
at least gone to bed and actually done my resting time,
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this would have been a much either easier delivery.
12:29
So it's not. Just short.
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Window of time. Short window of time, Yeah.
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So it's honoring, honoring our bodies for rest.
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That's that's a a very good one to even right now I'm thinking
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why am I resting? Are you resting, Emily?
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I'm resting more than I did with my first.
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It's hard to say because as a mother of two active boys, being
12:48
pregnant is a totally different thing than having my first son
12:52
in my belly and being able to rest whenever I want it.
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And I'm sure there's a woman listening who has six or seven
12:58
kids and she's like, these girls don't know what they're talking
12:59
about. It's so true.
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It's so true. I I do have friends with six and
13:03
seven children and I say I am exhausted.
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I don't know how you were pregnant with managing six
13:10
children and you know, but there's no comparison.
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All of it is, is challenging. Everybody has their own
13:16
challenges in their own ways and pregnancies and raising their
13:19
children. But the the rest is a really key
13:23
thing. What would you go back and tell
13:24
yourself? I mean, rest is a really good
13:27
one. I would copy that.
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I wouldn't agree wholeheartedly with that one.
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I think I would just tell myself to, yeah, just to remind myself
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to be present and I and literally to take notes.
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I did write part of Peter's birth story, My first, my
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eldest. And I'm grateful that I did.
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And I wish I'd done more note taking about the earliest
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experiences with him. Because now looking back and
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like when I had Leo and now with this third baby and we had a
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miscarriage in between. But I look back and I I'm
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wondering what was it like that first time.
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I don't remember exactly you know those two weeks before
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birth. I wish I had written an account
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of it. You know, I do journal a fair
14:03
amount, but my journaling is typically more like spiritual
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prayers and less about the day-to-day.
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So I think there's power in like recording what happens in our
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lives. And I would, I would encourage
14:13
that for women that they should try to note like how they're
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feeling, what their experiences were, even on a day-to-day
14:19
basis, even if it's just like a paragraph for their future to
14:22
look back on so that they can learn from what they were
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experiencing before. I love that.
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That's a really good note. My last baby was born in 2020 so
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if I had journaled it would have been like everything is falling
14:33
apart. I'm.
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So I'm wearing a mask and I don't want to be.
14:37
This. Is so hard the COVID baby.
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Yeah, but that is that's a really good tip because I yeah,
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I didn't write. I we did some videos on YouTube
14:46
after Zion's birth. I forget if we did a birth video
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about Jedediahs. But but yeah, just going back to
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remember when, even when you're in your 50s to remember how did
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I feel before and for your kids? Like, some kids won't care
15:01
looking back at those details. But some?
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I mean, I would love to have known those details about what
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my mother was experiencing when she's pregnant with me or even
15:08
my siblings. So interesting, OK, what about
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spiritual lessons? What have been?
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What has been one of the one or two of the biggest spiritual
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lessons that you've learned through pregnancy and
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childbirth? Question so we can get into
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birth, if you're open to talking about birth.
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We're going to definitely talk about birth.
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So birth is the the greatest spiritual lesson for me because
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my births and we can talk further about this.
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I don't call myself, I don't call myself AC section mother
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because they don't think we're defined by the way we give birth
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as mothers. I'm a mother who has C sections,
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and I think there's a big difference.
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People can call themselves whatever they want, but the
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greatest spiritual lesson I've learned is really what it means
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to live out. This is my body given up for
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you, right? To reflect on that.
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So with Zion, my first son, I had AC section after 41 hours of
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Labor, which it sounds like you had 40 hours.
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Did you Were you awake that whole time?
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I took a nap. Wow, Emily.
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I took a nap. I don't know how long it was,
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but it was is. There an epidural in there, I
16:16
hope. The epidural was my last chance
16:18
to deliver him vaginally because they wanted my body to rest,
16:23
like to like just calm down. And so they said the epidural
16:27
really. And there's, you know, so you.
16:28
Started on, medicated eventually.
16:31
Water broke. My water broke on All Saints
16:33
Day. And yeah, and then, you know,
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it's funny to talk about birth because so many people are so
16:40
combative about the whole. Just do it and like, tell us the
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story. Give us.
16:44
The This is my experience, but so yeah, so my water broke and
16:50
then labor wasn't starting. My body just didn't respond well
16:54
to labor and delivery. Very Long story short, my
16:57
husband had been in a surfing accident when I was about 32
17:00
weeks pregnant with Sion, my oldest, and so life had been
17:04
extremely stressful. He had been in the hospital,
17:07
right? Yes, he was in the hospital.
17:09
He ended up having a pulmonary embolism and seven blood clots
17:12
in his lungs. And I was about as pregnant as I
17:14
am now, so scary. So it was a very, very, very
17:18
stressful time. He was in the hospital bed when
17:20
we were in a hospital. Everybody, every, all the people
17:22
kept coming and looking at me. How far along are you?
17:25
I'm like, I'm 32 weeks. They're like, Oh my goodness, it
17:29
was a horrible time to, you know, to not that there's any
17:32
good timing for something like that, but it had been a really,
17:35
really stressful time. So my body had been really
17:38
stressed leading up to that birth.
17:41
So my water broke. My body didn't respond well to,
17:45
you know, my body wasn't dilating.
17:47
You know, it's probably mostly women who will be listening to
17:50
this who, you know, we've. Got some men who are very.
17:53
Interested in birth I. Think men should be.
17:56
This is not like a women exclusive activity in terms of
18:00
the larger arrangement of it. We need men for this in multiple
18:04
ways. We need the men, so that is.
18:05
The truth So my body wasn't dilating, I went on.
18:08
Pitocin was on, was had contractions for a long, long,
18:13
long, long, long, long time. And I like got to 2cm, three
18:17
centimeters after like what felt like forever.
18:20
So I got an epidural at the end in hopes that my body would
18:23
relax enough to dilate, and it never happened.
18:25
And then Zion was born, a couple of days after All Saints.
18:30
And just the surrender of my whole prayer in the pregnancy
18:35
was Lord unclench my fists. I went into the labor and
18:39
delivery, especially after all the stress that we had been
18:41
through with very open hands, because Lord had taught me so
18:44
much about surrendering the eight weeks before that and just
18:48
to be laid out like that. So when you're having AC
18:51
section, you're laid out like Christ crucified.
18:53
Typically the arms are. You serious so that you don't?
18:57
Interfere typically, so you don't interfere with what's
19:00
happening because you're. Awake.
19:02
During AC section it's so I think maybe the only major
19:06
surgery someone could correct me but the only major surgery where
19:09
you are awake when this is happening.
19:11
So you are your feet are down straight and your arms are like
19:15
this they strap your arms down. I was shaking a lot by this
19:18
point. Emily.
19:20
Yeah. So you give birth in the shape
19:22
of Christ crucified, which is so beautiful and so amazing.
19:27
And you get scars on your body that literally I'll have till I
19:31
die, till I go to meet the Lord. I'll have these scars on my
19:34
body. And so I said out loud to Zion
19:37
when he was being born, I said this is my body giving up for
19:40
you. And I was just so just undone
19:44
thinking about the sacrifice that God made for me.
19:47
Obviously on the cross is just unfathomable beyond what I'll
19:51
ever be able to understand. But just to lay there in the
19:54
same shape that Christ gave up his life for me, and to be able
19:56
to say that to my son was extremely powerful.
20:01
Wow, that is extremely. Powerful.
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Yeah. So the the lesson of that.
20:06
And then in my second one, my second one was a plain
20:10
C-section. He was my 2020 baby.
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God, God love me. So sweet.
20:14
And I learned a big spiritual lesson there because I had to.
20:18
I I got into the operating room and my doctor invited me to
20:22
climb up onto the operating table myself.
20:25
And it was this really after the birth and all of those things.
20:29
And in the years that have passed, I've thought a lot about
20:32
that experience of my willingness to open myself to
20:37
what had to happen. And the surgeon, like working on
20:40
me and really reflecting on God as surgeon.
20:44
And sometimes the Lord wants to do surgery on our hearts and on
20:47
our minds and and and like restoration and healing that
20:51
needs to take place. But sometimes we have to be
20:53
willing. And sometimes we run and we run
20:55
and we run from the work that the Lord wants to do in us.
21:00
We can run from it our whole entire lives.
21:02
But the doctor said, well, OK, like, get up on the table and I
21:06
want it to run away. I want it to.
21:08
Were you scared? I was, Because 20/20 was so full
21:11
of anxiety and stress and all of those things.
21:15
It was. Sort of the, like, unknown.
21:17
The pain, what? What was it that was scary?
21:19
As you're about to lay, lay yourself up there to be cut open
21:23
for your second C. Section What was I afraid of?
21:28
You're obviously afraid that you know there's a lot of variables.
21:31
Something could go wrong. You know, the unpredictability
21:34
of the whole entire thing. And I was just I guess afraid of
21:38
the pain. It's not, it's not a comfortable
21:41
experience. So just a lot of I guess fear
21:44
surrounding that and just everything had just been leading
21:47
up to that. All of the the loneliness of
21:50
going to all my appointments by myself and you know, just it, it
21:54
all kind of compounded into that moment and.
21:57
Was Daniel allowed in the room? He was allowed in the room after
22:00
they had started. I don't know if they call it an
22:03
epidural. Someone can also correct me just
22:06
numbing me from the waist down after I was laid on the table
22:09
and they would like set. Then he could come in.
22:12
So the looking back in the greatest spiritual lesson was
22:18
what does it mean to let the Lord work on my heart?
22:20
And like, are there times in my life where I'm running from
22:23
allowing him to do that, from allowing him to do the work?
22:26
And then thirdly, my last one is really, I'm so comfortable
22:32
having my life in my surgeon's hands.
22:34
That doesn't bother me at all. I know that he knows what he's
22:37
doing. Like he's done this so many
22:40
times, can't even imagine how many C sections that he's done.
22:43
He's been practicing for many, many, many years.
22:45
And while I'm there, I feel so at peace, I'm having my life in
22:50
his hands. And that question has come up
22:52
over and over again in looking at the spiritual life.
22:56
Why do we trust our surgeons so much more than we trust gone so
23:02
many of us? If you have to have a six hour
23:03
surgery, well, I trust this doctor and my life is in their
23:07
hands and you're so open to it. Literally, your life.
23:10
You're being cut open by another human being.
23:12
They. Rearrange my organs.
23:13
They like. They cut through 7 layers of my
23:15
body and it I there's nothing inside of me that thinks, oh, I
23:20
shouldn't let him do this, like he doesn't know what he's doing
23:23
or whatever it might be. And so the challenge in my
23:25
spiritual life has been why? When you're laying there and
23:29
your life is truly your physical life is in this man's hands.
23:34
Are you so at peace? Are you so at peace?
23:38
And so that has been a really cool thing to dive into as well,
23:41
looking at like the spiritual lessons I've learned through my
23:45
birth experiences. So powerful.
23:48
So, so the lesson there, which is now a lesson for me because
23:51
you're sharing it, is so many things in life we may have
23:56
anxiety over, get frustrated over, worry about when our
24:02
ultimate surgeon, the Lord is there and he is Omni powerful,
24:07
like he has all the power. So why do we worry about
24:11
anything, right. That's like this holy scripture.
24:13
Like you know, why do you. Even the lilies of the field,
24:16
you know, are right in all their splendor and unlike more than
24:20
Solomon. And don't worry, he has counted
24:22
every hair in your head. And yeah, yet how many of our
24:25
days, how many moments in our days is there that flash of
24:28
worry? Totally.
24:30
Why am I so afraid to put my life in your hands?
24:32
He's been gone a long time. He knows what he's doing, right?
24:35
He, like you said, he's counted every hair on her head.
24:38
Omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, all of the things.
24:42
And I think, you know, I want to take back control from the Lord
24:45
in in so many little ways. Worried about this, worried
24:48
about that. Anxious about this.
24:49
Just worried about totally placing my life in God's hands.
24:53
And yet with the surgeon, I'm like, great, Do your thing.
24:57
I trust you. Why?
24:59
You know, still looking at that inside my own heart has been
25:02
hugely challenging and will be for the rest of my life.
25:06
Yeah, I'm so at peace when I'm there, it's unbelievable.
25:10
So those are some of my greatest spiritual lessons.
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Lila at checkout. What about you, either in
26:28
pregnancy or in your births? In the birth, I mean the first,
26:33
the first birth with Peter. I think one of the biggest
26:35
spiritual lessons was the this sounds weird, but the beauty of
26:42
suffering because we did we we did the first birth on medicated
26:46
and I didn't want any hep walk on.
26:48
I wanted to, like, move around again.
26:51
No judgment on epidural. I had an epidural for my second.
26:53
So, like, I think they're great, but I wanted to do it that way.
26:56
And so we did it that way. And I was able to complete the
26:58
birth that way, but it was very arduous and it was very intense.
27:02
But there was this mental, spiritual, like alignment that I
27:06
was grace from God, that even though it wasn't the most
27:10
physically intense thing I'd ever done, there was a sense of
27:13
unity, of purpose where, you know, it was a little bit of a,
27:17
'cause they say, you know, birth is painful.
27:18
I mean I know there's some people who say, some people who
27:21
say, like, well, you can, you know, prepare your mind and your
27:24
body and it's actually not supposed to be painful.
27:25
There is that school of thought and I respect some people in
27:28
that school of thought. I know like one of my friends,
27:29
Ellen Fisher, she's managed to have effectively pain free
27:33
births is in her own experience. Now maybe if someone having her
27:36
experience was over here, they would say that, well, that was
27:38
pain. But to Ellen it wasn't, you
27:40
know, so just every we're all so different.
27:42
But I think the spiritual lesson was that when you say Lord, hear
27:48
you, here it is, it's for you, It's for you, it's for you.
27:52
There is something supernatural that happens with the experience
27:55
of suffering, or you're still experiencing it, but it takes on
27:59
a whole new meaning. And I think the opportunity of
28:02
getting to give birth to another human being, which is a unique
28:05
privilege, it provides this opportunity to also suffer in a
28:11
unique way and prepare for that suffering.
28:12
And so I think in a way, this there was like this special
28:16
sacredness to the intensity of it, the ardor of it, because I
28:21
felt like I could offer it to God and be very intentional
28:24
about the offering. Now my second birth, it was
28:27
almost like the opposite lesson because I did not feel prepared.
28:30
It was during COVID. We both had our COVID boys and
28:34
you know, I didn't have my mother there, that there was no
28:36
doula. I had this whole team before my
28:37
husband was there. But they, you know, slapped the
28:39
masks on us, put us in this room.
28:42
The the labor started very quickly and unexpectedly.
28:45
I was like kind of feeling panicky, even being in the
28:47
hospital, the doctor that was going to deliver me.
28:51
This is something that was kind of out of my control at this
28:53
point. But had used to work at, used to
28:55
work at Planned Parenthood at one point, not not doing
28:59
abortions, but still had like that as part of her history.
29:02
So the whole thing was like just felt awful to me, you know, on
29:06
on multiple levels. And so it was in in that moment,
29:09
it was like the Lord was the Lord asking of me here just to
29:13
let go, just to let go, even like not have a plan for your
29:16
own suffering. It's almost like having it, like
29:18
I want the suffering account. I'm going to offer it up for
29:20
this prayer intention and they're just like ride the wave,
29:22
just go, go through this offer. You can do like one moment of
29:26
offering it up and then just like let it, let it be, you
29:29
know. Don't don't like almost the
29:30
mental energy of like trying to like, unite it to prayer.
29:33
There was no mental energy there anymore.
29:35
The emotional bandwidth wasn't there.
29:36
The psychological for me was like struggling.
29:39
I'm like, OK, I have no issues with epidurals.
29:41
Give it to me. I just need to like chill right
29:43
now because I I'm, I'm physically panicking and thank
29:47
God for medical you know interventions.
29:50
Now maybe if I had had different lead up I wouldn't have panicked
29:53
and whatever, but I did and I And so I think the lesson there
29:56
was like the Lord that that there's not a right or wrong way
30:02
and that what matters is our intention.
30:05
And you can set an intention and say a prayer and let it last you
30:08
for the next, you know, 24 hours.
30:11
And the Lord, it's merciful and gracious and sees that.
30:15
So that was, I think, #2 the lesson there.
30:18
And it was he, he was basically born, and I didn't know it at
30:20
that point because you mean the epidural.
30:22
They're like, he's coming. He was, he's, he's being born.
30:24
And he was born. Leo was born in call.
30:27
So he was in the. Yeah, he was in the.
30:29
Yes. Which kind of was symbolic for
30:31
me of the whole birth process, because the whole thing had
30:34
already been so unexpected and sort of quick and like, you
30:40
know, intense, but you know, it didn't have the same sort of,
30:43
like, experience of spiritual depth and like intentionality,
30:48
but that he was born that way. It's like he came into the world
30:50
and he didn't even know it yet. And then I get this beautiful.
30:53
And then when they gave me Leo, another thing that was odd is he
30:57
was like my other son Peter, almost identically same red
31:00
hair. They.
31:01
Look the exact same. They look the exact same.
31:04
And so even that moment was like, this is, this is a this is
31:08
a different kid, but it feels like the same.
31:11
So I it was kind of like wanting to have some like powerful
31:13
spiritual moment in that. But it's like, no, this is
31:15
another gift for you. He's the brother of the other
31:18
and like just like just chill, you know, just kind of not
31:21
everything has to be this intense spiritual experience
31:25
basically like ride. The part of part of spiritual
31:30
maturity is riding the wave of life and and our humanness and
31:33
the normalness of it and the sometimes the what is the word
31:37
I'm looking for at the banality of it.
31:40
Yeah, I think sometimes there's a lot of stress on what can I
31:45
get out of this experience, right?
31:46
Like as a mother of the birth experience, again, there are so
31:50
many different opinions that people have about this.
31:52
There's so many different ways people believe it should be done
31:54
and things like that. And I had to let go of that.
31:56
It's not. It's about, this is just me
32:00
laying on the operating table, just trying to say yes to God.
32:03
Be faithful in in what I've said yes to in my life, and I might
32:08
get something out of it in terms of spirituality or
32:11
psychologically or lessons, and I might like a.
32:14
Podcast about later or you might not.
32:16
Yeah. And it might just be this thing.
32:19
And I think a lot of times when I talk to women all over the
32:23
world in my ministry, and a lot of women hold on to a lot of
32:26
expectations of what they're going to get and what it's going
32:29
to be like, which is fine. I'm not, you know, being down on
32:33
that. But I think sometimes it's not
32:36
going in to say, like, what am I going to learn or what I'm going
32:38
to get. You know, it's about, I'm saying
32:41
yes here and that's enough. Radical openness.
32:44
But isn't that the feminine secret like the?
32:47
I mean, think about theology of the body and Pope John Paul the
32:50
2nd and this idea of, you know, active receptivity, Receptivity
32:55
like we are as women, we receive life into us.
32:59
We give birth and our bodies will do it, even if we're like,
33:02
don't give birth. Our body naturally wants to give
33:05
birth when birth starts. I mean, obviously there can be
33:07
medical issues and stuff, but like, this is all happening to
33:10
us in many ways and we are not in control in many ways.
33:15
And I think the cultural narrative today, it's all about
33:19
control, your body control, your fertility.
33:22
Birth control is about control. It's all about the clench of the
33:27
the clenching of the fist, as opposed to the openness.
33:32
But it's when we clench, it's like we we actually hurt
33:35
ourselves more and other people. But something so beautiful
33:39
happens when we're open, because then we're not the one who's
33:42
having to Lord over and design every moment.
33:45
We get to receive the graces and the gifts, you know, of child as
33:49
a gift that can come. Otherwise we might miss out.
33:55
I. Think it's just surrender in all
33:58
capital? Letters.
33:59
Across the board, yeah. They say, I've heard, you know,
34:02
it's so cool to talk to women about all their birth
34:04
experiences. They say that when you clench
34:07
during your contractions, it doesn't help you out.
34:09
Of course, I'm like, oh, I didn't know.
34:10
That makes sense. Yeah, it does.
34:13
So you have to breathe through them.
34:15
And they say, well, that's not an experience I'll ever have
34:17
again. But it's just so interesting
34:19
that like part of the whole, like, physical thing is just
34:22
like breathing, leaning into it and surrendering.
34:26
Well, I mean it's it's interesting to hear you talk
34:28
about your 2020 experience because I think the only there
34:31
there is a unique bond that women who had a baby in 2020
34:35
will have for the rest of forever.
34:38
The panic and the anxiety and the uncertainty.
34:43
Yeah, I did not expect to panic. But I guess that's like what you
34:46
do when you're going into the hospital in 2020 and they slap a
34:49
mask on you and you're about to give birth.
34:50
You're like, why is there a mask On my pace right now?
34:53
You've been. Through it was so hard.
34:55
And I think talking to women who gave birth in 2020 or
34:58
experiences are all obviously so different.
35:01
But it was such a unique thing that was so challenging in its
35:06
own way that when you meet a mom who gave birth in 2020, you're
35:10
just like solidarity, you know? However, that birth turned out.
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That's every life.com. OK, so I want to hear about
36:04
Daniel a little bit and your experience with that.
36:07
And I know women listening, especially if they're thinking
36:10
about getting married one day and having kids, or they're in
36:12
the process of the thing. This can be, I guess, sometimes
36:16
controversial, But what's the role of a man in pregnancy and
36:19
birth? Isn't it sad that it's
36:21
controversial? Yeah, because.
36:23
But what do you think? The what is the right role?
36:25
Because, you know, to give the credit to the controversy to
36:28
some degree, I do think that we as women, the modern West, the
36:34
modern Western woman, because of New Age feminism, has rejected
36:39
our role in giving birth and nurturing very young children.
36:43
And so I think there's no surprise that there's
36:46
controversy and confusion around if there's we've gotten it wrong
36:49
for what women can do as uniquely being mothers, no
36:52
wonder we've got we can get it wrong about what men can do
36:54
uniquely as fathers. Absolutely.
36:57
I tell young women, women of all ages who are dating when you are
37:02
dating a man, right, some whatever, that God's plan is for
37:07
you down the road. When I look at my husband
37:09
serving me and loving me in these postpartum stages, it's
37:13
not easy to be, you know, anybody in postpartum, in a in a
37:18
couple, whether you're the husband or the wife.
37:20
But when you are dating a man, make sure that he has a serious
37:27
deep capacity to put himself behind all the other things that
37:33
need to happen. A serious capacity to sacrifice
37:36
and some serious grit in his soul.
37:40
Because my husband needed to have some serious grit in his
37:43
soul to, you know, go through that whole time of all all the
37:49
extra stuff that we had with my husband's accident.
37:51
But just just the the amount of sacrifice and self giving that
37:57
is required when you're both teaming up to learn how to
38:01
parent. And I've had a certain major
38:05
surgery. A lot falls on my husband after
38:08
the birth happens because I've been cut open.
38:11
And I you don't have to take it easy in a really, really big
38:15
way. And he has to do so much, you
38:17
know, for the first couple of days.
38:19
Not just for you, but even helping with the baby because.
38:21
The first couple of days, I'm not I'm, I'm not supposed to
38:23
hold the baby, right? They say like, I don't know,
38:26
don't hold an X amount of pounds or whatever.
38:29
My babies are very big when they're born.
38:31
Zion was 9 lbs. Three oz.
38:32
Oh my goodness. So I wasn't allowed to, like
38:34
walk around. Tim, he wasn't being born.
38:38
He was really big. So I Daniel is my rock.
38:43
He's my steady shelter, like physically here to help with so
38:50
many of those things. And his unwavering support has
38:54
been so beautiful and so necessary.
38:58
And so when I'm talking with women, I say, if you want to
39:01
have kids in the future, who knows what God's plan is for
39:05
your life? The man that you're dating, if
39:08
he complaints when he's not put first, if he has a problem like
39:13
going out of his way for people, you're going to have an issue.
39:17
Because family life is constantly having to go out of
39:22
your way, right? To just love and serve others.
39:25
And that is what my husband's role has been, is to put himself
39:29
not last, but definitely his wants and his needs in these
39:33
postpartum times. And when I'm healing and we're,
39:36
you know, learning how to care for the baby and I'm learning
39:38
how to breastfeed all of those things, He just had to stay
39:42
steady and just support and love as I do my best to support and
39:46
love him in all the ways that I can.
39:47
Just sitting on a bed, you know, it's it really, really matters
39:54
to look at that when you're dating because it comes into
39:57
play in a huge way if babies ever come into the picture for
40:02
your family. What advice do you think he
40:05
would give to men about how to be the best husband and leader
40:10
with a about to give birth, birthing and then recently
40:13
postpartum wife? That is a great question.
40:16
Where is he? Bring him to the room.
40:18
Bring him to the. Podcast.
40:20
What would he say? I would probably like, I would
40:26
think that he would say in the most gentle, loving way, like
40:29
two men. It's not about you right now.
40:32
It's not about you. It's about supporting and loving
40:36
this woman who is you know has received the gift of this child
40:41
and is bringing this child into the world and just just look for
40:46
ways that you can love in the small ways and big ways.
40:49
I feel like he would say like just like be actively looking
40:53
how can I love her well right now and maybe the additional
40:59
thing he would tell men, ask her what she needs.
41:02
Don't expect her to tell you. Don't think that like you can
41:05
read her mind just say what do you need.
41:08
And sometimes we as emotional pregnant women or most probable
41:11
women might say, I don't know, I don't know what I need because
41:14
sometimes it's really hard to put into words what you need
41:16
because you're so you feel so all over the place.
41:19
But I feel like that those are maybe some of the things he
41:23
would say. He might say this and be like
41:25
that is totally not what I would say.
41:27
But I feel like that might be a lot, somewhere along the lines
41:30
it's good about you. What do you think your husband
41:32
would say? Probably something similar, I
41:34
think. I I mean, I'm thinking back to
41:37
the postpartum and birth. And he was, yeah, he was just
41:40
steady and faith steadily and faithfully there.
41:44
So yeah, I mean, I think, I think I, I struck the jackpot
41:48
getting married to my husband. So I know you feel the same way
41:51
about yours. So I feel almost guilty talking
41:53
about how amazing he is and has been during my pregnancies,
41:57
births and postpartum because he's been someone that
42:00
definitely puts others first. He puts me first.
42:02
He puts the baby first. He will, no, you know he will
42:06
change that diaper. He will get that meal.
42:08
He will do whatever it is and he's always focused on our
42:11
family first before himself. I mean, I just married I I
42:15
married a St. so. And you you watched him live
42:17
that out, didn't you, when you were dating?
42:19
I mean, that's one of the many reasons I fell in love with him,
42:21
because he was so. While he was just giving of
42:24
himself or whatever it was. The virtues were all there,
42:27
yeah. Yeah.
42:28
And I'm not saying everything's perfect in our in our household
42:31
and we have our, you know, our our things.
42:34
But just knowing that he's someone that I truly look up to
42:37
and has those virtues and is always giving, giving, giving.
42:41
I mean, even last night, you know, our our two year old's
42:44
having trouble adjusting right now to a new sleep routine.
42:47
And there things have been a little bit in upheaval and I'm
42:49
up in the night with the little one.
42:51
But then he's like you know, he's asking for Papa.
42:54
And so papa's getting out, papa's getting the milk, papa's.
42:56
It's all about my 2 year old's obsessed with Papa because I'm
42:59
poppy. But he's obsessed.
43:01
She loves dad so sometimes he doesn't want mom.
43:03
And Joe is just like a champ, even though he has to usually
43:06
get up earlier than me, often is going to bed later than me.
43:09
He's like up doing that. And I just admire that love and
43:14
I know that I'm blessed that I'm going to be privileged with that
43:16
with this next baby. What?
43:19
OK, what would be advice for women or encouragement if they
43:23
don't have that support? Because the reality is so many
43:27
women today don't have, you know, we are very privileged and
43:32
don't have the support in birth that we have.
43:35
I mean we have families and husbands and these things.
43:38
And you know, I think about some friends of mine who've been more
43:42
in the, in the category of not having the support, you know,
43:45
even to the point of not having a, you know, a guy the the the
43:48
father of their child, he's not there.
43:52
Yeah, it's a great question and it's really hard and it brought
43:55
in my heart really breaks open when I talk to, you know, in
43:59
ministry or with friends who say I don't have support.
44:02
I've known, you know, multiple women who.
44:04
Yes, they were pregnant and the father is just not even there
44:07
and he's not even going to be at his.
44:08
Hostile. Even worse.
44:11
Far worse, right? And so, you know, what would I
44:14
say to those women as a woman of faith, right?
44:19
And it's it feels far off for people.
44:22
But to the as a woman of faith, I believe that God is
44:26
omnipresent. God is always with us.
44:29
So the more in that loneliness, right.
44:32
And it's hard for me, you know, to speak about because it is not
44:35
my experience, right, in that loneliness, right.
44:39
As a woman of faith, I believe that God is present in that
44:43
those feelings of abandonment, I I really believe God can be
44:48
present. And so the more these women as
44:51
I've walked with them or talked with them, the more they have
44:54
leaned into like the presence of God in the midst of these
44:59
feelings of abandonment and hurt and loss and grief and pain, the
45:04
the more of the peace that surpasses all understanding that
45:08
they have felt, which has been really beautiful.
45:14
And I think just just telling the women who who feel all of
45:19
these different kinds of things in the lack of support the sport
45:22
that they deserve, right. And that's that's what I think
45:24
is really important. Like women who are pregnant
45:27
deserve people championing them, loving them, supporting them.
45:32
It's OK to feel how you feel, you know?
45:35
Don't try to force yourself to feel a different way as you see
45:38
so many women who might have the support that you just long for
45:43
or would love. Like, it's OK Like don't try to
45:46
force yourself to feel a different way.
45:49
It's a grief. Like, it's real grief for women
45:52
to say to grieve, you know, even maybe it's their relationship
45:55
with their mom and they're not close with their mom and they're
45:58
going to have this baby and they think, I really wish at this
46:02
point I was close with my mom. I would give anything to be able
46:05
to call her and talk with her about this or even your mom has
46:08
passed away and you're you're living that grief all over again
46:12
to you know you grieved the death of your mother And then
46:15
these seasons in your life come and you think what I would give
46:18
for my mom to be here, right to allow yourself the space to do
46:22
that and not in our world of immediate everything.
46:25
Be like I should get over this. I should be over this.
46:27
But to be where you are and let God meet you there with His
46:31
presence in all of those feelings.
46:34
That's so good. And it it makes me think too,
46:36
that, well, birthing is this incredibly joyous thing to meet
46:40
this new baby. For many people.
46:42
It's complicated. With different griefs, you know
46:45
different kinds of grief for different reasons, and there can
46:48
be very severe reasons. There can be very personal
46:51
reasons and that those things can coexist together, grief and
46:55
joy and not feel like it has to be one way or the other, like
46:58
let it let it be what it is. Yes, we can hold two things, two
47:03
feelings in our hands about everything forever.
47:06
We can hold three feelings in our hands and they can all be
47:08
true and they can all coexist and they can all be challenging
47:14
and beautiful in their own ways. And just just realizing that I
47:18
don't have to force myself to just feel this one thing or
47:21
force myself to feel this one thing or force myself, you know,
47:24
any of those ways. But just just like to let the
47:28
way I feel, especially if you're an emotional pregnant woman
47:31
who's like leading up to a birth, like you talked about.
47:33
The complexity of so many different aspects of that is to
47:36
say it's OK to feel everything that I feel.
47:40
There's nothing wrong with it. Last topic and there's so much
47:44
more we can talk about, but I know we've got our things to do
47:47
next. But last topic that I think is
47:49
so key to talk about with birth and pregnancy is postpartum
47:54
because so many women are hit differently by it.
47:56
And I think sometimes you go into it, you just had this birth
48:00
experience, especially for first time moms, and it's just like
48:03
what just happened and it's a blur because you're just not
48:06
sleeping typically and it's hard to even remember what happened
48:10
because you have this like amnesia later on.
48:12
Well, how did we make it through it?
48:15
I just remember, I think for both Leo and Peter, but I
48:18
remember for both my my kids, I remember just being kind of
48:21
shocked by how physically exhausted I was and how it was
48:26
relentless. And all I wanted to do was
48:29
sleep, and this was even having a husband who could help out.
48:31
And I think about those amazing women who don't even have that
48:36
best advice for postpartum. Another great question, Best
48:41
advice for postpartum? Yes, it feels like a blur.
48:44
You really going back to the control thing, you really feel
48:48
out of control because while some, you know, ladies in the
48:53
store, you know you're pregnant and they say sleep now, you're
48:57
never going to sleep again for the next 18 years.
49:02
In a way they are my son sleep pretty well now and you know
49:05
when I'm only a couple years in, praise be to God, I'm so
49:07
grateful for that. But the things will feel so out
49:13
of sorts, so out of sorts. That is completely normal.
49:19
It is completely normal to be. If you know you're married and
49:23
your husband is there to be looking at each other thinking
49:25
what is going on right now. Nobody knows how to do it
49:30
perfectly from the beginning. Nobody's like, oh, I got this,
49:33
this is great. Maybe your baby sleeps like a
49:35
couple of good nights in a row and you're like, wow, like a
49:38
question of this. This is a normal feeling to
49:41
have. And then things go backwards and
49:43
upside down. Is is really.
49:47
I mean, I would go back and tell myself nobody knows how to do
49:50
this. You have to learn how to do it
49:54
right, I felt like. Like, it's different.
49:57
Everybody's like the child's different things happen
50:00
differently. And there's all these like, your
50:03
course is awesome. You're not promising they will
50:04
save 10 hours a night at each one month, but there's all these
50:07
like influencers online or like if you do these things with
50:10
these swaddles, with these tools, you're going to get this
50:13
magical baby within two months. He's like on this schedule and
50:16
and yeah, some babies, that's the that's the case.
50:19
But the reality is, even if you do everything by a certain
50:23
standard and in a certain way, things might still blow up.
50:27
And that's just being having a baby.
50:28
Yes, the unpredictability of it. For me, it was so powerful to
50:32
change my mindset from I have no idea what I'm doing to I'm
50:36
learning as I go. I just felt like, why?
50:40
Why? There are so many things and you
50:42
could just research all night. That's the problem.
50:44
You're up all night and you could just look up every article
50:47
under the sun. How do I fix this?
50:48
What do I do? The baby won't sleep, you know
50:51
is the baby colicky? Your reflux and that feeling of
50:54
I have no idea what I'm doing makes made me feel like I was
50:57
drowning, which sometimes part postpartum can feel like that no
51:00
matter how much support you have.
51:02
You just feel like you're drowning in your own your own
51:04
uncertainty and your own looking at yourself.
51:07
To say am I really capable of this?
51:10
To to to to really shift that, yeah, I I I have no idea what
51:16
I'm doing. But I'm learning how to do this
51:18
and that's a beautiful thing. Now about to have my third I'm
51:22
my, my second son is 3 1/2. And I kind of feel like I'm
51:25
starting over in a way like, oh, I forget how to do wake windows
51:28
and nap times and all those kind of things.
51:31
But I have learned as I have gone and I have a lot of
51:35
knowledge and that will be, you know, kind of an anchor to keep
51:39
me going through that. So I would just encourage any
51:42
woman who's out there in that postpartum, you know, sometimes
51:46
it feels like heaven and sometimes it feels like an
51:48
absolute nightmare to say to yourself out loud I'm learning
51:51
as I go and that is powerful thing.
51:53
It builds your confidence as a mother.
51:57
I think to just have that power in your hands, to say I'm, I'm,
52:01
I'm gathering knowledge and this, whatever it is this season
52:06
of how I feel right now, won't last forever.
52:08
It's so good. Yeah, What would you say?
52:11
I mean I echo I I agree. I agree with everything you said
52:14
cosign. Yeah I think.
52:17
I think that riding the wave is so much so much of it learning
52:21
what you can implement what you can.
52:23
Instinct listen to your instinct as another.
52:25
I mean I remember, you know like the cried out method, there's a
52:29
lot of passionate opinions about this but like let the baby cry.
52:32
The baby's going to be swaddled. It'll teach itself to sleep and
52:34
self soothe if you do these certain things.
52:36
We tried that a little bit but at the end of the day I was
52:38
like, I don't this is not for me.
52:40
I'm going to be, I'm going to be.
52:41
I'm effectively a Co sleeper. So I'm I, I my my whole instinct
52:45
is crying out bring that baby, cuddle that baby, let it sleep
52:48
on me and just let it. I mean, yes it's not as
52:50
convenient. Yes, it interrupts workflow.
52:53
Yes, it it can be exhausting, but I wouldn't judge if someone
52:56
really finds that it works for them to do it another way.
52:59
But I think using our powerful maternal instincts and letting
53:03
our instincts make decisions and not like your science, waving
53:07
the science at the decision, like, Oh no, you know, this
53:09
study says this and this says that.
53:11
I mean, obviously if it's something very black and white,
53:13
that's different. But if it's something like sleep
53:14
routines, I would say go with your instinct.
53:18
And then the other thing is I did not struggle with postpartum
53:21
depression or just, you know, any kind of mood disorders.
53:23
But you know, knowing women who have and watching their
53:27
struggle, I think the get help thing is so huge and asking for
53:30
help. We were talking about women
53:32
earlier who don't have supportive, you know, systems
53:35
and they're pregnant. I mean, pregnancy resource
53:37
centers are out there to guess help women who are considering
53:40
abortion, but they're also just out there to help women.
53:43
And so there are people in your community who would want to help
53:46
you. And yeah, sometimes it's a
53:48
matter of finding that person, but get the help you deserve and
53:51
you need. And if you're struggling with,
53:52
you know, negative thoughts or you're struggling with, you
53:55
know, overwhelming sense of, like, numbness or, you know,
53:58
even anxiety like that, there is help for you.
54:02
The help might be as simple as alleviating the stress you're
54:04
dealing with so you can like roll roll with this thing you're
54:07
moving through. It's not saying oh just go get
54:09
medication or oh, this is going to be solved in this Band-Aid
54:11
way. But you at least need to know
54:14
you're not alone, especially when you've got a newborn to
54:16
take care of. So I think that's the other
54:18
thing is like asking for help can be so hard and confusing for
54:23
a lot of people, but ask for help.
54:26
Yes 3. Words ask for help.
54:28
I need help I. Need help to say it to someone?
54:31
Surprisingly, no matter, you know, whether you have birth at
54:33
home or at a hospital or whatever, the hospitals, at
54:36
least around us have amazing support groups.
54:39
And all you have to do is look online and see there's there's
54:42
postpartum depression support groups, there's new mom support
54:45
groups that just meet, I don't think very, very many virtually
54:48
anymore but me in person. And I think sometimes those
54:51
feelings of loneliness are acute, especially when it's 2:30
54:55
in the morning and you can't get the baby to stop crying.
54:58
And there's just like, you feel so powerless and those feelings
55:01
of loneliness. And then you, you know, you get
55:03
up for the day and you just feel like I'm in this alone and it
55:06
can feel so overwhelming because you're so tired.
55:11
And when we're that tired, it's hard to make decisions well and
55:14
it's hard to think clearly. But that note is so important.
55:17
There are people who want to support.
55:20
And if a woman like wants to find a support group, the
55:24
hospitals close by typically you know, have people who are there
55:28
to help you and, you know, aid you on the journey.
55:31
One more thing that makes me want to say to Emily is that I
55:34
because I've heard obviously women tell really traumatic
55:36
birth stories and really positive birth stories and
55:38
postpartum, that's really traumatic and postpartum.
55:40
And then, you know, we didn't talk about tearing, but tearing
55:43
is a part of postpartum for many women and sometimes really
55:46
severe tearing. And I do want to say this too,
55:49
because I I think it was my first.
55:51
It was, I think a second degree tear, if I remember correctly.
55:55
I don't end up concluding this, but we probably probably will.
55:58
But I'm bringing it up because I think there's a lot of
56:00
understandable fear around birth and around postpartum.
56:03
But remembering that there's help, time does heal in many
56:09
things, most things, right? And that you never, like, you
56:12
never regret a child. You know, 'cause I think some
56:15
women are like, oh, it's so hard.
56:16
They want to do it again. You know, I hear this sometimes.
56:18
And obviously, like, every family will make their own
56:21
decisions about spacing kids and all of this.
56:23
But I know you and I are both like, be open to life.
56:25
If you're married, like life, love is beautiful, life is
56:28
beautiful. Don't close the door to that.
56:30
And just to encourage women that you're not going to regret your
56:33
child. Like this is a beautiful human
56:35
life. And when you're 75 years old,
56:38
you know those six months or year of, you know, the
56:41
postpartum and the struggle, that's not going to be the thing
56:44
that will, will stick out. It's like this is my now 40 year
56:47
old child or 30 year old child that is just a joy.
56:51
And to remember, like the despite the challenges of these
56:54
experiences that can come with them, the most significant thing
56:58
is the relationship you get to build with this other human
57:00
being. It's the truth.
57:03
I feel like going off of that, that that pervasive lie that my
57:08
body is ruined because my body will never look the same.
57:11
It will never function the same. That is such an important thing
57:15
to let go of that, you know, I think that this, that our
57:20
culture tries to just get women to believe.
57:23
Like something was taken from you, right?
57:25
Your beautiful body. The way your body looks When it
57:27
was 26, it was stolen from you by this child because you'll
57:31
your your your stretch marks. You know now I have scars all
57:34
those things. It was ruined.
57:36
And and the reality is that like I said I'll I'll you know die.
57:42
My body will look as it does. I'll have stretch marks forever.
57:46
I'll have my scars forever. I will die with the story of our
57:50
family written on my body. It's beautiful and it's an
57:53
incredible honor. Nothing is ruined about that.
57:58
Nothing is ruined. And sometimes it's so easy when
58:00
we look at right, like tearing and all the things that we go
58:04
through with our bodies and whatever it might be, the whole
58:07
long list. And to look at my husband and to
58:09
be like, you know, the culture wants me to think it's so
58:12
unfair. It's so unfair that I have to do
58:15
this. It's so unfair that I have to
58:16
gain the weight. I have to have the surgery, all
58:18
of the things when to to change that mindset of it's not unfair.
58:23
It's an honor that this is a unique part of my femininity and
58:29
the way that the Lord made me, and that it's so cool that, you
58:33
know, I'll die with this story that, like, my body tells a
58:38
story and it's just such an incredible, amazing thing and a
58:42
total honor rather than something.
58:45
Nothing has been taken from me. I've been given these beautiful
58:48
children. If I didn't have my scars, Zion
58:50
and Jedediah wouldn't be here. Is Jedediah certainly wouldn't
58:53
be here because I wouldn't have lived through my labor and
58:55
delivery with Zion if I didn't have my scars.
58:58
Zion and I will both not be here.
58:59
That is a fact of reality. So how beautiful that going back
59:05
to that, this is my body given up for you like to to allow
59:09
ourselves to be shaped and molded in ways that our bodies
59:12
might not look the same forever, but what a good thing.
59:15
So beautiful, so beautiful. And what do we value as a
59:19
society so often? It's just like all this
59:22
superficial stuff, all this superficial stuff.
59:25
I just would love to see a society, our culture change
59:30
where instead of like looking up to like super, you know, sexy,
59:34
fashionable, wealthy, famous like influencer ties, like
59:38
that's who I want to be, I want to be a YouTube, you know, like
59:41
we're both on YouTube. So you know, it's not bad to be
59:44
a YouTube, but you know, like this is like the
59:46
personification, It's all about like just inch deep.
59:50
You know, there's no depth there and the beauty comes with the
59:54
depth, but you got to have the maturity and the spiritual
59:57
maturity to see it. And then it's like, wow, it's so
1:00:00
beautiful. It's beyond anything that the
1:00:03
superficial can't even compete with it.
1:00:05
But like we're taught to like eat the sugar diet as a culture
1:00:09
of superficiality. And so we're not used to
1:00:11
appreciating that deep, long lasting, sacrificial love, that
1:00:16
deep bond that you have with other people where you suffer
1:00:18
with them. You suffer for them.
1:00:20
You love them. You know, they should put mother
1:00:22
postpartum mothers as, like, the pinnacle.
1:00:25
I mean, they really are the pinnacle of womanhood because.
1:00:29
Yeah. And there's spiritual
1:00:29
postpartum. Like, I don't want to diminish
1:00:31
women who live out motherhood spiritually because not everyone
1:00:34
will live out biologically. But it's such a beautiful
1:00:38
privilege to mother. It's such a beautiful privilege.
1:00:42
OK, Where can people find your course?
1:00:44
OK. So my course is navigating
1:00:46
motherhood. It's really a giant resource for
1:00:48
a woman who. It starts at pregnancy.
1:00:51
So if women are pregnant, or if they're in the first really two
1:00:53
years, I thought, what did I need to know?
1:00:57
And I books are amazing, but I needed someone to look at me in
1:01:00
the face and like, just have a heart to heart with me about so
1:01:03
many different things, embracing the unpredictability.
1:01:05
I talk about postpartum, body image.
1:01:07
I talk all about pregnancy, preparing for birth, all
1:01:11
different kinds of things. There are a bunch of different
1:01:13
modules with worksheets. So like you said, you like, you
1:01:16
want to journal and like write things down.
1:01:18
I ask different questions, you know.
1:01:21
And when you're in postpartum, how have you noticed that you
1:01:24
have grown since your baby was born?
1:01:26
Questions that I think sometimes we don't take the time to
1:01:28
reflect on. So there's a pretty journaling
1:01:30
worksheet after each lesson, and that's called navigating
1:01:34
motherhood. It's at
1:01:35
navigatingmotherhoodseries.com. And yeah, so it's a paid
1:01:39
resource because I worked for years on it.
1:01:43
Well worth it? Yes, and.
1:01:45
So I have a code Lila Rose show. Which will definitely. 15% off
1:01:49
if they want. Lila Rose Show.
1:01:51
OK, we'll put that in the link in the bio.
1:01:53
Yes, women have responded really beautifully, saying they felt
1:01:56
just so much more prepared and just really like they needed a
1:01:59
big sister to walk them through all the things that that you
1:02:02
know that I wish I would have known.
1:02:03
I talk about choosing the voices that you're listening to.
1:02:06
So good. So much so, the response from
1:02:10
women has been amazing and what I hoped for in all of the time
1:02:14
and love that I poured into creating the whole thing.
1:02:17
You have such a gift for speaking directly to women, so
1:02:21
and unlike instruction sounds like a tough word, but you know,
1:02:25
edifying, encouraging and your wisdom.
1:02:28
I think God has really given you a gift of wisdom.
1:02:31
So thank you Emily. Thanks for creating that.
1:02:33
Thanks for coming on the show. We'll have to.
1:02:35
Come with all the pregnancies, with the babies, Yeah, let's do
1:02:38
it. That's so fun.
1:02:39
Love it. And then?
1:02:41
That's such a fun idea. We can just talk about, OK, what
1:02:44
is it like the third time around?
1:02:45
What have we learned this time? And I love that, yeah.
1:02:47
We'll bring them both back. Yeah, we usually keep our boys
1:02:50
off social media when they're as they get older.
1:02:52
But when they're newborns, it's like you can put the newborn on.
1:02:54
They all, they don't all look the same.
1:02:55
But you know, that's a really good idea.
1:02:58
Maybe we'll be back with babies soon.
1:02:59
Yes. Thanks, Emily.
1:03:00
Thank you, Lyla. Thanks so much for listening to
1:03:03
this episode of the Lila Rose Podcast.
1:03:04
Don't forget to check out Emily's course.
1:03:05
It's at the link in the bio. And if you haven't already,
1:03:08
don't forget to subscribe so you never miss another episode.
1:03:11
And check out our Patreon and our local communities so you can
1:03:14
support the show and help it reach more people.
1:03:16
Thanks so much. And we'll see you next time.