Latest / The Pausecast / Ep. 90 The No. 1 must-have skill for successful female business leaders

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Ep. 90 The No. 1 must-have skill for successful female business leaders · The Pausecast

0:04
Hi, I'm Rachel O'Meara. I'm the host of the podcast.
0:08
I'm also the author of pause harnessing, the life-changing
0:12
power of giving yourself a break, as well as a private
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coach for men and women who are struggling with, how to get out
0:21
of overwhelm and reclaim their lives.
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The pause cast is dedicated to helping individuals learn the
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of to live our best life, to reach our potential.
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Whether this is your first time listening or you're a regular, I
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The blueprint is available at my website, www.hiwayfx.com get it
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today so you can start to implement these tools that we
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can all learn And that's what the paws cast is all about.
1:07
Hi, it's Rachel here. And today, we've got a really,
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really solid topic for all you female Business Leaders out
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there and I'm thinking of it like the secret weapon.
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The secret weapon, female Business Leaders, all need to
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succeed, and not only succeed, but feel really good in the
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workplace and guess what? This secret weapon might be low.
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And behold Secret Sauce. Pick your words, you know,
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you've heard me talk about it, maybe.
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Be before, but it is emotional intelligence, EQ, and I'll share
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a little bit about why this is so important to me why, it's
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what I see as the window and the Gateway into different things
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that are possible at work, but also why it matters so much and
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you're going to hear more about that as we get into it.
1:57
So, for those of you who don't know me, you maybe know me a
2:01
little bit, might you might know a little bit about my story, but
2:04
basically, long story short, I was at Google working in
2:08
technology client services, and I burned out.
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And the reason why I burned down, if I look back on it now
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is because I really wasn't present.
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I wasn't aware of how I felt. I wasn't able to communicate it
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and I didn't really act on anything that.
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Felt like it was in service to my own awareness.
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Meaning I kind of just really stuck to the basics of tasks and
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to dues getting stuff done because I had been an achiever
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all my life. I was a really, really good
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achiever a really good high achiever.
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Probably like you, where you can do things really well.
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My case I had an MBA, I had worked in big cities and
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companies and I was a national champion rower.
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I had owned my own house by the time I was thirty five in San
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Francisco. Like there's just a lot of
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things that I would say could have put me in those boxes of an
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achiever. Meaning, I thought I could do
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anything if I put my mind to it and guess what happened?
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Well, can you put your mind to how your body works with
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emotions, and how you respond in the moment with things?
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You can kind of think about it a lot, but can you actually pull
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it off and do it? The answer is no.
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And the reason for that is that the, that the body and emotions
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are four hundred times faster. In response, then you're
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thinking brain which means time. And that time again, you will
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always lose, your mind will always lose to your emotional
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limbic. Brain your emotional Center
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which is called the limbic brain in your in your brain each and
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every time because this is really the flight and fight mode
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which turns on and off at a literally moments and can leave
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you spinning if you're not careful, if you're not aware of
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what you know, how to do things differently.
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So that's what we're talking about today in terms of why
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emotional intelligence matters because what happened was, I
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ended up learning this later. I learned a ton and I got my
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masters in it. I now coach on it and help other
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women who are trying to get out of overwhelm so that they can
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feel good again at work or rise to the next level of leadership
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and do all. These amazing things that, you
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know, you can do but not feel so stressed out about it and feel
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really nourished by it. Feel really, really, really
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good. And we cannot do that unless we
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are really dialed in with our own EQ.
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So let's jump in Successful companies are taking notice by
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the way of emotional intelligence, in this trend, in
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fact, they're conducting their own studies sometimes including
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those, with top leaders, one particular competency analysis,
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review, technical like you, sorry, technical skills IQ and
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emotional intelligence, and they found that emotional
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intelligence, proved to be twice as important as the other jobs
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at all levels. Mean, that's a pretty big one.
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And that's from 2001 and in that hbr, what makes a leader in
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addition. When we look at senior
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leadership, nearly 90% of the difference in Star Performance
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and performers and average ones is in their profiles of
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emotional intelligence rather than cognitive abilities.
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So again, the queue is proving itself to be a big
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differentiator, not only that EQ is twice the power of IQ to
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predict performance. And whether it's the thinking,
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Of Cortex brain, that's our prefrontal cortex, or the
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emotional limbic, brain, which is that amygdala.
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And where we, where we process emotions, it's super fast as a
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processor. They both clearly play a role in
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business and we need both of them.
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However, what Goldman says, is that 80 to 90% of the
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competencies that differentiate top performance are in the
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domain of emotional intelligence.
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So all of this is really, really good data just to back us up
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knowing this Is no small topic. I'll keep sharing a few more
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things because I think these points are great and they were
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all based on high. EI factors to name a few.
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For example, the US Air Force screen for EI during its
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recruitment. Resulting in immediate gains and
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save three million dollars, annually.
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It's pretty awesome. And competency research and over
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200 companies and organizations. Suggest that about a third of
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the differences in is due to technical skills.
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But I'm going to give ability. Well, sorry about one-third of
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this difference. In 200, companies is due to
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technical skills and cognitive ability, but what?
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But two-thirds of the differences is due to the
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emotional competence. So, all, what is all this
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saying? All of its saying, we need our
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emotions to be at our best, especially at work as a female
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professional leader. You are in control of your
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feelings, really? You get to decide.
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You know, what do I get to share?
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And what do I don't and all of us are, frankly, the people who
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are able to create an environment of trust and
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fairness comfortable with their feelings and also able to
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express them responsibly without Yuri.
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I truly harness that you need both your cognitive intelligence
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and your emotional intelligence to maximize leadership and
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growth potential so that you can ultimately change your behavior
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and shift your unconscious beliefs, that might be blocking
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you feeling like, You aren't okay to express or maybe you're
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not, it's not okay to be angry. Or you have to feel like, you
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need to please everybody. These are all things that can
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show up in the workplace, that might not feel necessarily that
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good for us and look at kids, right?
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If you've got kids at home, maybe you have nieces and
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nephews they live. In this constant state of
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free-flowing emotions without blocks from these unconscious
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mistaken beliefs. And as soon as we are born,
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literally, Our emotions are, what are uniting us with
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ourselves and children are so good at this.
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So if you are wondering, you know, how do I show up?
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The good news is as an adult. You get to regulate that, right?
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So we have more of this governing body around.
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How I show up with my emotions versus let's say a two year old
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throwing a tantrum, right? Like that's a little different.
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However, we can still use kids as an example to say, you know,
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when I'm connecting with my feelings, I get to say what I
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need. And I'm heard and seeing because
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Cuz I'm not holding back usually, and as adults, we lose
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that we get conditioned out of this, we have to reclaim it.
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We have to go back and figure out what do I do to feel whole
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again in the space of emotions? A lot of times when we lose
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sight of that, we just aren't as effective as leaders and we
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don't get the following behind us and ideas and motivation and
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drivers that we could. And then we just don't end up
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doing our jobs as well as we could.
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We don't end up feeling as impact.
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So, I hope that this has been helpful for you today and giving
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you some food for thought to chew on, if you feel like you
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could use some support around, being a female business leader,
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and harnessing a t Cube because it really is a core course, kill
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all learn these skills. If we are given the tools to do,
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so I'd love to see you and I love to support you so that you
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can rise to your next level of leadership as you master your
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emotions. Intelligent is totally totally
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possible for you. If I can do it, you can do it.
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You may not know this, but living and expressing emotions
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is so key to any type of business work and it in that
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sounds so counterintuitive. But think of it like, you know,
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if you're at a job working day in and day out, week after week,
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month after month year after year, even if it's just one
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year, there is personal growth involved, most likely and I
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think this term, emotional intelligence means a lot of
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different things. It's such a buzz word.
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We hear it all the time. What does it really mean, right?
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Right. And so depending on who you ask,
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it can be different things. So, where I studied at the right
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Graduate University, they Define as emotional awareness with
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emotional facility, right? Knowing how you are feeling and
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having the skills to do things with your emotions.
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Meaning, how do you manage them? How do you read them and utilize
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them and express view talk to dr.
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Daniel goleman, he wrote the book on emotional intelligence.
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He talks about it as the ability to recognize one's own and other
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people's emotions. And to discriminate between
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different feelings so that you can label them appropriately
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appropriately and use emotional information to guide thinking
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Behavior. There's a great podcast on the
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podcast here that you can listen to actually with Daniel goleman
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himself. So, you can hear about it first
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hand, right? And so he's really the person,
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dr. Goldman, who developed this idea
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that non-cognitive skills are as important as IQ, which is why we
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call it equ, especially for workplace success.
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So this work is only We been around the last 25, 30 years in
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business. So, when I think about why
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aren't people more aware of this, why don't we talk about
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emotions? Why don't we teach this at
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school? Well, it's because it's only 25
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years old. So things take time to catch on
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but here's the cool part you can do your part and start to talk
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about it. Start to help others learn and
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be more aware of what this really is.
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As, as a social science, we can all learn these skills and
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that's really. I truly truly believe this and
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we can I'll bring these to work and especially think about it
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like a female businesswoman, right?
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Why is it? Our secret secret sauce as
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individuals to be tapped into our emotions to access them.
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We actually have there's some great stats on this.
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We are loaded with emotional intelligence.
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We just need to know how to access it, how to harness it,
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how to put it in, put it in a way at work.
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That really works well for us. And then we are able to express
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ourselves better. And more more potently, so that
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others can understand where we're coming from, we can be
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better influencers, because emotions are actually, a lot of
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what is read in the room, right? I think seven percent of what
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you say is what people get when you speak.
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It's actually more about body language and about tone and
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those come from emotional intelligence.
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So there's all kinds of good stuff here where that can be
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applied. It's also the most requested
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eight Harvard Business review article of all time that in 1998
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was also written by Daniel goleman.
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So like there's clearly stuff going on here, right?
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And so these concepts of linking emotions and how we can be
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successful. It work we're really truly
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linked for the first time back in those mid 90s and how this
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can help us be Better Business Leaders.
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So I want to share a few of those He's gonna take you
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through each one and think about your own self, like, how do you
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do in this area versus maybe how you, how would you want to be?
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And don't think about it, like, comparing yourself to anyone.
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That's never a win game, right? It's about yourself.
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So, maybe you think about it? Like, where would I want to be
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here? Versus how is my ideal?
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So, the first competency in these four key attributes is a
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moat is self-awareness, knowing one's own emotions, so high,
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self-awareness individuals are able able to speak accurately
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and openly maybe they're not doing that.
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In a way that feels something like, totally letting your guard
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down or being confessional, you use your emotions to have an
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impact and your self-awareness is the foundation of everything
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else that follows. I think of it like
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self-awareness is the gateway to really unfolding what I'm
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capable of. And so, I had a guest on the
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podcast recently who just said, you know, I used to, I used to
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be like, what do you mean self-awareness?
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I am self-aware. You know, I know I'm, no, I'm
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special unknown individual and like, yes, that's true, but I
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think it means really being an observer mind.
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When you do feel heated or when things aren't going your way,
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how could you do things differently?
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I actually heard, self-awareness described as Consciousness the
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other day. So the more self-aware you are,
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the more conscious you are. And you kind of I think of that
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as well. If it's helpful.
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So, the second competency so that self-awareness, the second
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competency is self-regulation and that's sometimes called
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self-management. All that means is its able,
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you're able to manage your emotions.
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So it's not only knowing how you are but what are you doing to
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regulate that? And that might be in
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conversation. Maybe it's with a conversation
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with a direct report that's struggling or with a manager
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that you're not on the same page with, right?
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It could be very different. Third one is social skills.
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So this is about managing relationships and being in
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rapport with others. So it might be things like
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knowing how things are going right.
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Are you building trust with someone is there may be a new
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agreement that you're working on or new marketing strategy you
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have in mind that you want to be enthusiastic about a product.
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With all of those things can be shared socially.
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The next one is empathy or taking one.
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Has feelings into account with layoffs, happening down economy,
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things that aren't going well. We want to put some put
15:59
ourselves in someone else's shoes and that's really
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important in leadership. But just imagine you know how
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would someone feel if that was you going through that or you
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just, you know, you have that that empathy for someone.
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Maybe someone's moving on to something different and you want
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nothing but the best for them and then motivation is another
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characteristic where this is Just knowing that you have
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passion for the work itself, it's not just achieving for the
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sake of it. We all need to know where we are
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in these different competencies. So think about your own
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competencies. How are you doing with things?
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Like motivation? Are you motivated?
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Do you motivate others even though it's their own job to
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motivate, are you also showing up to support them but you
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empathetic do you feel like you're one of the leaders out
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there who is able to help others feel seen and heard?
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And that's really what it comes down.
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Down to it empathy. I think it's such an important
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skill and we've heard a lot of this so important.
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No matter who you are, no matter what you're doing at work, I
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think we can all develop this as it's as a skill as well.
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And when I think about these things as a business corporate
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leader that especially the female leader can move the
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needle on how I want to be at work, whether it's if I want to
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be seen in heard show up and be responsible for how I act and
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deliver or participate in a meeting or make do business
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decisions. I can do them feeling secure and
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sound and what I do as well as know how to reach out.
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And build a rapport with others who may not be on the same page
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with me, or before, and all of these are Big skills, right?
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These are these are hard. We don't really go to school for
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these. Even if you have a business
17:46
degree, I mean I have an MBA, I don't want any of this stuff.
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I think pretty much in my two and a half years of school.
17:53
In fact, it was four years of part-time.
17:57
So that's the good news. I think we can all learn it and
18:02
if you are curious about what to do next so if maybe you feel
18:05
like you're pretty good in all those boxes awesome.
18:08
The next step is to continue to develop it and apply the
18:12
knowledge. So every day Moment by moment
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you could be checking in with yourself, that's the
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self-awareness part. You can evaluate, you know, how
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did I do expressing what I needed to say?
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Right there. Did I have hold back.
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Did I express it? Possibly, did I take action?
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Did I say nothing? Did I deny it like all of those
18:31
are just good data points to know where you are with it?
18:34
How am I reading the room? Am I doing that?
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Okay, on knowing what's needed, as well as how I can respond and
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then am I, am I sharing and showing empathy caring for
18:45
others knowing what is needed and what can help someone move
18:50
forward or conversation move forward and motivation?
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Can I continue to stay motivated?
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Self and feel like this is purposeful for me versus just
19:01
showing up to tick off the boxes or to show up and Achieve for
19:05
achievements Aiken strive. So these are the questions to
19:09
reflect upon, if you're wondering, how you're doing with
19:12
emotional intelligence and I invite you to continue to be
19:16
curious about it because it is not going to go away.
19:19
We are so tapped in and we so desperately need in my opinion,
19:25
more leaders who are tuned in to bring these types of skills to
19:29
the workplace and I think as a woman business leader, you are
19:33
so important. You are so important for these
19:36
skills were so under indexed, In them, undervaluing them in a
19:40
world where we have over index in a lot of other skills, as you
19:46
probably know, burnouts at an all-time high, right?
19:50
One out of three corporate individuals, experience, it and
19:54
Healthcare. And even want to talk about
19:56
that. I think it's one and two and we
19:59
need you, we need others. We need people leading the way
20:01
all the time in this. So continue on your journey to
20:05
learn more. I invite you to keep tuning in
20:08
to the Was cast, pick up a copy of the book pause in.
20:11
The book is great as a start, but there's so much more.
20:14
And as you know, we need to apply what we learn.
20:17
Which means doing things different, and reading a book
20:20
isn't usually enough. I'm excited for you to give this
20:23
a try. Thank you so much for tuning in
20:25
today and I will see you next time on the podcast.
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