Latest / The Steve Harvey Morning Show / Uplift: People are divorced from themselves—She teaches you how to stay married to yourself.”

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Uplift: People are divorced from themselves—She teaches you how to stay married to yourself.” · The Steve Harvey Morning Show

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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Rashan McDonald. I host this weekly Money Making
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Speaker 1: Conversation Masterclass show. The interviews and information that this show
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Speaker 1: provides offer everyone I'm talking about you. It's time to
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Speaker 1: stop reading other people's success stories and start living your
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Speaker 1: own now. If you want to be a guest on
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Speaker 1: my show, Money Making Conversations Masterclass, please visit our website,
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Speaker 1: Moneymaking Conversations dot com and click to be a guest button.
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Speaker 1: If you're a small business owner, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, influencer,
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Speaker 1: or a nonprofit now let's get started. My guests, the
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Speaker 1: visionary founder of Willow Tree Counselor and an educational center, and
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Speaker 1: a licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience
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Speaker 1: guiding women, children and families through life's most complex stages.
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Speaker 1: Please welcome to Money Making Conversation Masterclass. Marsha Evans. How
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Speaker 1: you doing, Marsha, I'm good.
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Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
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Speaker 1: Okay, when I say complex stages, what does that mean?
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Speaker 2: Well, let's think about developmental stages. Let's think about life.
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Speaker 2: Have you had complex stages?
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Speaker 1: Well, so they can vary the My complexity because I'm
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Speaker 1: a Type A and I get up at two o'clock,
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Speaker 1: three o'clock and people look at like crazy. I tell
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Speaker 1: people I get two hours of sleep. They go, are you?
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Speaker 1: Are you ready to go into the grade real early? Right?
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Speaker 1: So that's what I'm saying. It varies in your world
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Speaker 1: when you use the word complexity, like how do you
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Speaker 1: make that comparison to each individual that you work with? Right?
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Speaker 2: So what I do is I become a listener. I'm
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Speaker 2: a listener. So what happens in that space is I
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Speaker 2: become a visitor in your world and we start listening.
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Speaker 2: I start listening to your story and what are some
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Speaker 2: things that are your norm? And then what are some
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Speaker 2: things that are complex that really has you trying to
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Speaker 2: figure out life? What does that look like? So sometimes
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Speaker 2: people can say middle school age is complex, and other
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Speaker 2: people be like middle school wasn't, but my twenties were.
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Speaker 2: And so what I do is just kind of look
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Speaker 2: at what are you looking for? Is it definition? Is
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Speaker 2: it balance? Is it peace? Is it contentment? Or do
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Speaker 2: you want chaos? And so sometimes people like chaos, and
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Speaker 2: so we really look at how complex is it and
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Speaker 2: how can we find tools to make it balance and
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Speaker 2: to make it peaceful and to make it content For
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Speaker 2: the person because what's balanced for you may not be
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Speaker 2: balanced for me.
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Speaker 1: Right, That's why I'm trying to find out the complexity
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Speaker 1: of life that people have to deal with. Now, your personality,
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Speaker 1: I want to go back a little bit, because you
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Speaker 1: come across as a person who's really engaged in this process,
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Speaker 1: which means that you seem to be constantly aware of
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Speaker 1: your friends or your relationships. Now, you went to an HBCU, Yes, okay,
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Speaker 1: walk we through your personality in high school and then
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Speaker 1: at the college.
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Speaker 2: So I'm going to go a little bit back to
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Speaker 2: at twelve, I knew I wanted to have a scholarship
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Speaker 2: to pay for school, okay, And I was determined because
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Speaker 2: my parents were fronting all the money for AAU, for basketball,
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Speaker 2: for soccer. I played soccer, played softball, the girl scout,
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Speaker 2: all those things, and I just wanted to reward them
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Speaker 2: and pay for school. So at twelve, I was very intentional.
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Speaker 2: I set my dreams, I set my goals, and I
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Speaker 2: was aware at that age, and so I was aware
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Speaker 2: of what's going on with you, my mom, my brother.
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Speaker 2: How can I be a people pleaser? How can I
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Speaker 2: hold the space for everybody?
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Speaker 1: Okay?
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Speaker 2: And so what I also did was I understood that
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Speaker 2: what I did today impacted tomorrow. And I had to
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Speaker 2: understand if I wanted to go to college to play basketball,
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Speaker 2: there was a certain way I had to carry myself.
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Speaker 2: And I had to read other people of did they
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Speaker 2: have the same destination or the same place they want
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Speaker 2: to end up that I wanted to end up. And
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Speaker 2: so I just started reading people. But it was lonely.
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Speaker 2: It was solitude. But I enjoy solitude because you get
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Speaker 2: to learn a lot about yourself and other people.
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Speaker 1: So athletics played a major role in your personality. Yes, yeah, why.
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Speaker 2: It taught me about discipline, It taught me about there
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Speaker 2: was a finish line. So everybody wanted state championship, might
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Speaker 2: have want an MVP. It was team It was teamwork.
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Speaker 2: It was problem solving, it was conflict resolution. It was
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Speaker 2: there were other people that were better than me, and
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Speaker 2: how could I become better than them? Or how could
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Speaker 2: I work on my weaknesses to become my strengths.
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Speaker 1: Okay, great, Just the background of Marshavins. She's a person
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Speaker 1: who has a gift fath lessonism, thought provoking. You read
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Speaker 1: the room, that classic statement, read the room. What is
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Speaker 1: in reading the room, the power of relationships in your
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Speaker 1: in your life, and advice you would give to people
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Speaker 1: because this is an entrepreneurial show, small business, nonprofits, and
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Speaker 1: a lot of people missed reading the room, which means
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Speaker 1: they miss out on relationship buildings.
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Speaker 2: Yes, so reading the room, you got to first read yourself, okay.
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Speaker 2: And in reading yourself, what are you looking for? What
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Speaker 2: do you need? So you have to read the room
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Speaker 2: of what energy are you putting out there? Because if
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Speaker 2: you're not aware of your own energy, then you can
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Speaker 2: misread or not take advantage of the opportunities that are
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Speaker 2: in the room. Okay, So I think you've got to
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Speaker 2: start with yourself and what your relationship with yourself is,
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Speaker 2: because sometimes people don't want to read the room because
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Speaker 2: they're anxious, they don't want to come off like a
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Speaker 2: brown noser, or they don't know how to step to
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Speaker 2: the person that they that might help them navigate the space,
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Speaker 2: and they don't have they're not confident in that. And
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Speaker 2: so reading the room is who are the people you
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Speaker 2: need to talk to? And how about being authentically you?
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Speaker 1: Okay? Cool? Now before we get an interviewed Marsha Evans
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Speaker 1: right from Virginia in Hampton State former athlete was well
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Speaker 1: aware that she wanted to incentive her life so her
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Speaker 1: parents didn't have to worry about the financial commitment to
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Speaker 1: a post education. Why are you on the show?
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Speaker 2: I want people to realize that they are the ones
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Speaker 2: that are holding themselves back, and they just have to
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Speaker 2: look internally and figure out what are the things that
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Speaker 2: are holding them back, because it can come back. It
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Speaker 2: can go back to their family system. And when they
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Speaker 2: understand what's in their family system that may be holding
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Speaker 2: them back, then they can get the tools. They can
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Speaker 2: get the compass that puts them forward to where they
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Speaker 2: want to go in their business and the relationships and
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Speaker 2: be successful.
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Speaker 1: Let's talk about that because a lot of people up.
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Speaker 1: I worked at IBM and I wanted to be a
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Speaker 1: stand up comedy. I pursue the career is the stand
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Speaker 1: up comedy. Of course, when I started telling my friends
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Speaker 1: I wanted to quit IBM to pursue stand up comedy,
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Speaker 1: they was like, especially at the time. Now people you
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Speaker 1: know in the area of to day, you know you
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Speaker 1: have social media, you have youtuboe, you have all these platforms.
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Speaker 1: You can kind of tell people that they might go,
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Speaker 1: oh yeah, I watch YouTube but when I was doing it,
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Speaker 1: it was just we had four channels, ABC, NBC, CBS,
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Speaker 1: and I think show Time was kind of percolating there
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Speaker 1: because at the time, I was named the Funniest comic
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Speaker 1: in Texas, which means I was one of the fifty
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Speaker 1: funniest comics in the country for three years in a row.
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Speaker 1: So I thought it's time to take my Where's national
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Speaker 1: maybe the next Eddie Murphy. But fear played a role,
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Speaker 1: and it plays a role in that mass of that decision.
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Speaker 1: And with that being said, when you start talking about complexities,
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Speaker 1: fear plays a role in that's a major component of
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Speaker 1: that complex system that you're talking.
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Speaker 2: About, right, it is, And so you know what it's fear.
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Speaker 2: So can I ask you a question? Yes, okay, so fear.
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Speaker 2: So if I one of the things I was wondering
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Speaker 2: is how did fear look like in your family system?
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Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I've come from a very from
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Speaker 1: the hood. Okay, my father, third grade education, six sisters,
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Speaker 1: two brothers. So my father didn't even want me to
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Speaker 1: go to college. He wanted my sister to go to
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Speaker 1: college because he felt that in his world, right, just
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Speaker 1: give a job. Yeah, And when I didn't want that path.
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Speaker 1: It almost like rejected my thought philosophies.
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Speaker 2: There you go, so rejecting your thought philosophy. And so
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Speaker 2: when we think about the family system, right, dad didn't
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Speaker 2: want you to go to college, right, right, and so
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Speaker 2: you were going against the family system what Dad had
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Speaker 2: for you. You were going against that. But also that created
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Speaker 2: guilt and shame, and there's fear because you're doing something
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Speaker 2: different than what your family system wants. And so getting
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Speaker 2: people to understand, hey, sometimes fear is not yours. It's
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Speaker 2: coming from your family system because you're doing something different
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Speaker 2: than your what your family system wants you to do
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Speaker 2: or what they're projecting how to keep their family system
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Speaker 2: from continued to procreate.
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Speaker 1: Well, isn't it tied to like I want? Just it's
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Speaker 1: an ugly word, but I gotta say ignorance.
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Speaker 2: Yes it is. But that if we think about it,
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Speaker 2: if you thinking about your fear, the fear of the unknown, right,
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Speaker 2: so if we think if we followed your dad's guidance,
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Speaker 2: he knows that that particular, he knows what it's going
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Speaker 2: to yield. So he knows that you can go get
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Speaker 2: a job. He knows that Okay, he knows that you
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Speaker 2: can take care of your family because he has, so
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Speaker 2: even if it's ignorance, he knows the outcome of that,
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Speaker 2: but he doesn't know the outcome of you doing something different.
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Speaker 1: And that moves forward to meet with Sean McGaugh. I
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Speaker 1: remember Steve Harvey and I who were Elie Reed, had
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Speaker 1: this big event in New York and he wants to
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Speaker 1: come there and meet Barack Obama before Barack Obama became
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Speaker 1: Barack Obama, you know, and and it was like, you know,
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Speaker 1: money raising for him to get launched, and everybody was there,
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Speaker 1: jay Z be honest, it was like who's who room
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Speaker 1: and then uh and so. But in this in the
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Speaker 1: whole room, you're an opportunity to take a photo with Barack.
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Speaker 1: And I remember always said, are you gonna take a
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Speaker 1: photo with it? He's not gonna win a name like
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Speaker 1: Barack Obama in our world.
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Speaker 2: Barack Obama is.
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Speaker 1: Going to be president in this country, would never elect
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Speaker 1: and Staves just looked at me, go, man, you so silly?
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Speaker 1: I go, hey, brother, I'm just being truth. And so
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Speaker 1: that was a level of I want to say the
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Speaker 1: word ignorance because I was like that already made a
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Speaker 1: decision that that a lot of times people do. They
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Speaker 1: will stop you based on the color your skin, based
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Speaker 1: on your height, based on your agenda and stereo type
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Speaker 1: your success story. And that's what I did for BARACKO,
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Speaker 1: which eventually became back the next president of the United States.
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Speaker 1: But hey, Risa has no photos of Barack Obama that
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Speaker 1: I could have had. But guess what, fast forward, I'm
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Speaker 1: in the White House and photos all over my house
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Speaker 1: of being over office with Barack Obama. I could have
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Speaker 1: told the story to him to say, you, brother, I
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Speaker 1: think you gonna get here because of Barack Obama. But
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Speaker 1: you have to understand that you can't let people stop
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Speaker 1: defining your dreams.
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Speaker 2: Right.
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Speaker 1: Is that part of your practice?
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Speaker 2: Yes, it is, it is, And so what it is
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Speaker 2: is also looking back right when you talked about yourself
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Speaker 2: of your like, I'm not taking a picture of him, right,
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Speaker 2: But it's also how society teaches us. How do people
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Speaker 2: around us? How you know I got into NYU for
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Speaker 2: grad school. My mom said, can't you just be okay
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Speaker 2: with getting in? And I said, huh, I want to go.
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Speaker 2: There's something there for me. But I was being different
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Speaker 2: than the family and the system that I came from.
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Speaker 2: And so you have to, really I believe that you
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Speaker 2: have to have a relationship with yourself so you know
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Speaker 2: your internal compass and know what you want to do
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Speaker 2: and why not, Because like I wanted, people were saying
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Speaker 2: you didn't want to go overseas and play basketball. No,
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Speaker 2: I just wanted basketball to pay for my college education.
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Speaker 2: And people say you still playing basketball. No, the yoga
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Speaker 2: Matt is my basketball pint. And so you have to
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Speaker 2: always have a really good relationship with self and make
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Speaker 2: sure you're not being influenced by the outside as much
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Speaker 2: because now, more so than ever, we're plugged into a
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Speaker 2: plug that's not ours.
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Speaker 1: Now we talk about generational patterns, you know, there's something
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Speaker 1: that you wanted to discuss spoken and unspoken, and we
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Speaker 1: kind of have went that little bit with my father
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Speaker 1: and me, but there are patterns in everybody's family. And now,
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Speaker 1: before we go into further, how does one get in
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Speaker 1: touch with you, Marsha Evans?
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Speaker 2: So they can find me on Marshall Listens dot com
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Speaker 2: or they can go on my YouTube channel, Marshall Listens.
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Speaker 1: But Marshall, what is Marshall listens dot com? What is that?
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Speaker 2: So Marshall Listens dot Com is all about my wellness,
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Speaker 2: about wellness and what's the importance of building a wellness team,
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Speaker 2: being able to be in relationship with yourself. A lot
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Speaker 2: of people are divorced from themselves, and I teach people
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Speaker 2: how to get married to themselves and start dating themselves
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Speaker 2: so they can be successful in every aspect of their lives.
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Speaker 1: Okay, cool, Now the unspoken and unspoken, the generational patterns. Okay,
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Speaker 1: I'm coming to you. What's the process?
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Speaker 2: So what we do? We start having story time, right,
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Speaker 2: so I become a visitor in your world. Then second,
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Speaker 2: we do a geniogram. So geniogram is a visual family tree.
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Speaker 1: We say we you're not a one woman operation.
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Speaker 2: No, I'm not, okay, So what we'll do but and
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Speaker 2: so in the session, just like this.
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Speaker 1: It's you and I okay, okay, okay.
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Speaker 2: So we'll do a genio graham, and a genial graham
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Speaker 2: will go back three generations, so it'll include you, your parents,
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Speaker 2: and your grandparents.
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Speaker 1: Okay.
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Speaker 2: And so what we do is we look at the
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Speaker 2: psychological hereditary Yes.
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Speaker 1: Can as your question, is this something you figured out
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Speaker 1: or this something that's out there in the books.
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Speaker 2: It's out there?
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Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, it's out there. But I've never heard it,
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Speaker 1: but again I'm being educated.
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Speaker 2: Yeah it's out there. It's fine. No, no, no, it's
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Speaker 2: out there. And so what we do is look at
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Speaker 2: major events, we look at deaths, we look at births,
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Speaker 2: and we pay attention to the themes that are there, so
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Speaker 2: that are there in generational themes that are passing down.
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Speaker 2: So a lot of times people are like, oh, my
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Speaker 2: mama gave me my good looks. Okay, Well, if your
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Speaker 2: mom gave you your good looks, what else did she
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Speaker 2: give you? What else? You know was that, hey, she
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Speaker 2: had issues with her mother and she doesn't know how
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Speaker 2: to communicate. And so then is that showing up in
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Speaker 2: your relationship with your daughter. And so one of the
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Speaker 2: things that I've done, I had a complicated relationship with
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Speaker 2: my mother, and I realize I've been in business with
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Speaker 2: for myself since two thousand an eight. Once I accepted
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Speaker 2: my mom where she was as my mom, because she
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Speaker 2: gave me the best gift possible, which is life, my
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Speaker 2: company and my business started flourishing because I started accepting me,
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Speaker 2: because I'm a part of her. Once I started accepting her,
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Speaker 2: then life started. I was a tomboy growing up, and
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Speaker 2: so I was a tomboy growing up. But I rejected
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Speaker 2: my mom because I said, if this is how a
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Speaker 2: woman's going to be, I don't know if I want
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Speaker 2: any parts of that. And so as I started accepting her,
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Speaker 2: I started accepting me. And as I started accepting me,
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Speaker 2: then I was able to step into my truths and
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Speaker 2: connect with people that I couldn't connect with before. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: and so I started recognizing those patterns. And through a geniogram,
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Speaker 2: you can recognize the patterns that you can see. So
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Speaker 2: things that are in your blind spot now becomes into
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Speaker 2: your visual trajectory now.
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Speaker 1: And hearing you explain your process, it's kind of like
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Speaker 1: what doctors do when they come and go in past
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Speaker 1: history of cancer, past history of disease, exactly want to
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Speaker 1: know your daughter, not so much all your parents or
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Speaker 1: or your sisters or your siblings. So they kind of
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Speaker 1: like get a pattern that, Okay, you might be a
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Speaker 1: person that may we need to look into this because
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Speaker 1: your family history. So you take it from a mental
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Speaker 1: or a.
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Speaker 2: Lifestyle, so it's psychological and then it's psychological, and then
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Speaker 2: it's looking at the events that have taken place. So
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Speaker 2: for example, my mother's father passed when she was five. Okay,
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Speaker 2: my grandmother there were some issues, a major event that
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Speaker 2: happened when she was twelve. My niece had a similar
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Speaker 2: event at twelve. So it's looking at some of the
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Speaker 2: things that are happening generationally that you know when people
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Speaker 2: talk about generational curses, it's looking at things that are
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Speaker 2: happening in a generational way of what's stopping you, what's
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Speaker 2: in your way. So it's the same thing doctors do,
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Speaker 2: but it's looking at what are some of the things
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Speaker 2: that are happening in your family that are seeming to
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Speaker 2: repeat itself. And you take it like that because a
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Speaker 2: lot of people think, hey, they're a puzzle, but they're
17:21
Speaker 2: really a piece of the puzzle.
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Speaker 1: Don't go anywhere. We will be right back with more
17:26
Speaker 1: insights from Money Making Conversation MASTIC Class. Welcome back to
17:36
Speaker 1: Money Making Conversation Masteric Class hosted by me Rashawn McDonald.
17:40
Speaker 1: Let's get back into it. Patterns do create duplicate patterns.
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Speaker 1: In other words, if you're in an abusive parenting relationship,
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Speaker 1: that can carry over to you how you allow a
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Speaker 1: man or a woman to treat you. Correct?
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Speaker 2: Yes, correct? So if that so your first relationships that
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Speaker 2: you have is with your parents or the person that's
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Speaker 2: raising you. And so if that parent was an emotionally
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Speaker 2: abusive relationship, which is exactly, then you're going to see
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Speaker 2: that as acceptable in your nervous system, your autonomic nervous system,
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Speaker 2: it's already programmed your body that that's right or you
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Speaker 2: can navigate that chaos. You'll know how to navigate it.
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Speaker 2: Even if you are communicating to people that that wasn't right,
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Speaker 2: your body is saying something else. So your body keeps
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Speaker 2: the score. So what I also do if somebody comes
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Speaker 2: in like that, we will then look at holistic modalities
18:38
Speaker 2: to how do we heal the body from another? How
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Speaker 2: do we heal the body so it's not carrying that good.
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Speaker 1: But that being said, what are some of the practical
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Speaker 1: steps someone could take to identify and shift limiting beliefs
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Speaker 1: inherit it from their family system.
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Speaker 2: So one of the things I think is really important
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Speaker 2: is giving time to yourself, sitting in solitude and really
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Speaker 2: being in a relationship with yourself. I think that we
19:07
Speaker 2: are in a world that we're constantly moving, and people
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Speaker 2: don't like to sit by themselves and listen to themselves,
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Speaker 2: and so I think one of it.
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Speaker 1: Is really themselves. What does that mean?
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Speaker 2: So we all have a frequency in a language. So
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Speaker 2: you've picked up my language before I even said anything, right,
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Speaker 2: and I picked up yours, and before we we already connected.
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Speaker 2: We already connected it, so we didn't have to So
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Speaker 2: from a soul level, we already connected. And so a
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Speaker 2: lot of people don't know their internal or their personal language,
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Speaker 2: and so it's getting them to start being in community
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Speaker 2: with themselves. That's one thing. But if somebody doesn't like that,
19:51
Speaker 2: they don't have to do it because they're fearful of
19:54
Speaker 2: what they may hear or see or come to grips with.
19:57
Speaker 2: One of the things I recommend is guided meditation. You
20:03
Speaker 2: can get on a yoga, matt movement, because it really
20:07
Speaker 2: is getting back in, getting in their body and understanding
20:11
Speaker 2: what their body has been holding. Once they get in
20:13
Speaker 2: their body, we can go to therapy if they want to,
20:16
Speaker 2: They can go to yoga, they can start dancing in
20:20
Speaker 2: terms of like movement, so they can start getting informed.
20:25
Speaker 2: But I also thinks being able to have conversations with
20:27
Speaker 2: their family members, sitting down with those things and understanding.
20:31
Speaker 2: But the big thing is reducing their quarters all levels
20:35
Speaker 2: so they can understand what's going on in their bodies.
20:38
Speaker 1: You know, it's really interesting because I can read people immediately.
20:43
Speaker 1: That's my gift. You know. I can just know how
20:47
Speaker 1: far I can take a conversation. I know how far
20:49
Speaker 1: I can joke. And immediately when you came into my presence,
20:54
Speaker 1: I immediately went okay. Just the way you walk, the
20:58
Speaker 1: way you all those things tell a story to me.
21:02
Speaker 1: And I just have natural like you've been trained. I've
21:05
Speaker 1: just through life have going okay. This two plus two
21:08
Speaker 1: is four four eight, and I get these patterns who experience.
21:12
Speaker 1: I get to read people. But that is an art,
21:16
Speaker 1: that is a skill that people learn how to when
21:19
Speaker 1: they said and I'm going back to what I said
21:21
Speaker 1: earlier on reading the room because in my platform, money
21:25
Speaker 1: Making Conversations, Master Cliss, people go to meetings, they're competing
21:29
Speaker 1: for RFPs, They're in all these different sessions and conferences,
21:34
Speaker 1: and they walk away because they have not understood or
21:38
Speaker 1: mastered the art of reading the room or how to
21:41
Speaker 1: develop relationships. Can you help somebody with that?
21:45
Speaker 2: I can help somebody with that, and I want to
21:47
Speaker 2: because when I met you and I heard about you,
21:50
Speaker 2: you get up at four o'clock in the morning. Yeah,
21:52
Speaker 2: four thirty, four thirty, and you said there was something
21:55
Speaker 2: that you said that was profound. You have a date
21:58
Speaker 2: with yourself every morning. You're consistent with yourself. Absolutely, that
22:04
Speaker 2: is important. Consistency. If we're looking for consistency for other
22:08
Speaker 2: people and you're not consistent with yourself, you're not going
22:12
Speaker 2: to get the results that you want. You probably when
22:15
Speaker 2: you said, hey, you eight two plus two is four,
22:17
Speaker 2: and you can. I can help people figure that out.
22:20
Speaker 2: But they have to be consistent with themselves right in
22:23
Speaker 2: order to get the results that they desire. But they
22:25
Speaker 2: also have to ask themselves the results that they want.
22:29
Speaker 2: Is it the results that they that's internally programmed and
22:33
Speaker 2: written on their hearts, or is it the results that
22:36
Speaker 2: society saying, Hey, I want you to do this, because
22:38
Speaker 2: then you'll be famous and you'll look this way, but
22:41
Speaker 2: you'll be you'll be shallow, right, And.
22:44
Speaker 1: I would tell you this that I want to have.
22:46
Speaker 1: When I don't get that I want to have, my
22:49
Speaker 1: whole day is messed up, and I'm trying to recapture
22:53
Speaker 1: it or reclaim it. You know, like sometimes you go, okay,
22:56
Speaker 1: I get up a shit, you know, I get up
22:58
Speaker 1: at six and I'm like, Okay, I'm scrambling because I'm
23:01
Speaker 1: behind because the time that I was with myself, I
23:06
Speaker 1: figured out what I was going to do in six,
23:07
Speaker 1: not waking up at six trying to figure out what
23:09
Speaker 1: I'm doing at six. And so all I will do
23:13
Speaker 1: prep or might even emails and our stuff, and I'll
23:16
Speaker 1: just program them to go out at eight o'clock. So
23:19
Speaker 1: sometimes I send my four people, go you up before?
23:22
Speaker 1: Were you crazy? You know, well kind of you?
23:25
Speaker 2: Did you read.
23:27
Speaker 1: You crazy? And so with that being said, you know,
23:31
Speaker 1: it's all about how to recognize considers money making conversations masterclass,
23:36
Speaker 1: How recognizing your family's money story empowered to build a
23:40
Speaker 1: new narrative of abundance, which is kind of like churchy
23:43
Speaker 1: and success.
23:46
Speaker 2: Yes, so one of the things is getting people to
23:49
Speaker 2: understand looking at let's just start with their parents. What
23:53
Speaker 2: was their relationship with money? Did they talk about money,
23:57
Speaker 2: did they share?
23:57
Speaker 1: No?
23:59
Speaker 2: And so if you're not having if that wasn't what
24:02
Speaker 2: was happening in the household, then one needs to examine
24:05
Speaker 2: what is their relationship like with money because it goes
24:09
Speaker 2: back to their first relationship with their parents. If they
24:11
Speaker 2: weren't talking about money, if they were a struggle. Then
24:15
Speaker 2: that is the foundation of money and what the concept
24:20
Speaker 2: of money is with a person. So once you can
24:23
Speaker 2: look at that, because a lot of people won't look back,
24:26
Speaker 2: they'll be like, oh, money, this, money that. But it's
24:28
Speaker 2: looking back and saying what's the foundation of it? And
24:32
Speaker 2: how do you just say, Okay, this is what my
24:34
Speaker 2: dad or my mom had to do with money, but
24:36
Speaker 2: I can do something different. But it's honoring them. It's
24:40
Speaker 2: not saying you're better, because when you're better, you're excluding
24:43
Speaker 2: your family system that you come from. You can't say, oh,
24:47
Speaker 2: I'm better than them because I'm doing this. They just
24:50
Speaker 2: set the foundation. And a lot of times people don't
24:53
Speaker 2: want to do that of honoring people. It's like using
24:57
Speaker 2: the word ignorant. They're ignorant. Well, if they didn't have
25:00
Speaker 2: the information, it'd be one thing. And so once you
25:03
Speaker 2: can start accepting, but you got to look back accepting
25:07
Speaker 2: they did this that way, and you can say thank
25:10
Speaker 2: you dad or mom for doing this, and I honor
25:13
Speaker 2: what you do. I'm going to do something different. And
25:16
Speaker 2: once you can start doing that and really putting it
25:19
Speaker 2: and digesting it in your system, then things can open up.
25:23
Speaker 2: But one thing You can't reject your parents, right, you can't.
25:27
Speaker 2: You have to honor them. And when you can honor them,
25:29
Speaker 2: because mom is the face of life and if you
25:33
Speaker 2: reject your mother, you reject life, which you reject success.
25:36
Speaker 1: And so I have a whole thought about your maturity.
25:40
Speaker 1: I want to go back to that because it's very engaging,
25:43
Speaker 1: because you're very mature, because you are mature. But that
25:47
Speaker 1: same maturity I think was twelve thirteen fifty and that's
25:51
Speaker 1: kind of scary. But let's talk about the process of
25:55
Speaker 1: who you are. You know, I'm talking to Marshall Evans.
25:57
Speaker 1: She's a visionary founder, a willed free counselor and the
26:01
Speaker 1: Education Center and the licensed Professional counselor with over seventeen
26:04
Speaker 1: years of experience, a guy in women, children and families
26:08
Speaker 1: through life's most complex stages. Now, when you say twelve,
26:14
Speaker 1: I always admire people who get it. People always saw
26:21
Speaker 1: things in me that I rejected. I will tell you this, honestly,
26:26
Speaker 1: I didn't accept who Rashan McDonald was until I was
26:29
Speaker 1: in my forties. I ran from the process that there
26:33
Speaker 1: were unique abilities that I had. I don't know why,
26:38
Speaker 1: and I think it comes back from the fact that
26:41
Speaker 1: you know my best friends in high school, Michelle Roberts
26:44
Speaker 1: and REGIEA. Roddy. They probably didn't think about any but
26:46
Speaker 1: those two names are locked in mind. I would go
26:48
Speaker 1: to the grave, one with the rise, one with the
26:51
Speaker 1: Purduding University. They knew exactly what they wanted to do.
26:55
Speaker 1: I graduated from high school equally academically trained as they were,
27:00
Speaker 1: and I wanted to be a forklift driver. And guess what,
27:02
Speaker 1: I got a job as a forklift driver. Here they
27:05
Speaker 1: went the riots, some scholars said, with the Purduer scholars,
27:07
Speaker 1: and they were my best friends. And my teachers are
27:10
Speaker 1: all that talented to me, And I often wondered why
27:15
Speaker 1: I didn't see it in myself? Can you help me?
27:18
Speaker 2: Yeah? So one of those things is kind of I
27:22
Speaker 2: ask you a question, what were you fearful of?
27:27
Speaker 1: I wasn't so much fearful. I just didn't understand who
27:31
Speaker 1: I was. My father, you know, my mom, she challenged
27:37
Speaker 1: me to well, actually my parents allowed me to be me, okay,
27:42
Speaker 1: in a sense that my father didn't push me okay, okay,
27:48
Speaker 1: And I grew up with six sisters. But I just
27:51
Speaker 1: knew that everybody saw more in me and put and
27:55
Speaker 1: demanded more in me, and I was always smart enough
28:01
Speaker 1: to take the quick route.
28:03
Speaker 2: Okay, were you the oldest boy? And so dad did
28:10
Speaker 2: he have any brothers?
28:12
Speaker 1: I don't know.
28:13
Speaker 2: I don't even know my father's background. So there's a
28:16
Speaker 2: lot of unknown. And so if you came to me
28:19
Speaker 2: and you said, hey, Marsha right, not finding yourself fine,
28:23
Speaker 2: being able to stand in your truth that way, what
28:27
Speaker 2: would life look like? There's the not necessarily the fear
28:31
Speaker 2: of the unknown, but you don't know how to navigate
28:33
Speaker 2: that part of life. And did you see anybody who
28:36
Speaker 2: navigated that part of life? And if you didn't see
28:39
Speaker 2: anybody that navigated that part of life that you could
28:41
Speaker 2: reach out in touch, then being a forklift driver was
28:46
Speaker 2: easier because you knew what that looked like. The one
28:48
Speaker 2: thing I have to say about you is when you
28:50
Speaker 2: put your mind to something, you complete it and you're
28:54
Speaker 2: diligent and nobody gets in the way of that. And
28:57
Speaker 2: so there was something in you and timing you had
29:00
Speaker 2: to live life a little bit longer and more to
29:02
Speaker 2: then come out. And I think that is the thing
29:05
Speaker 2: that I work with people of how do you step
29:09
Speaker 2: into this world as you authentically you and find your tribe,
29:12
Speaker 2: and I think that's when it's hard for people to
29:15
Speaker 2: go read the room and what we talked about because
29:18
Speaker 2: they're not them. They can't find themselves. They need to
29:22
Speaker 2: be able to be in a relationship with themselves and
29:25
Speaker 2: be able to, like you said, be authentically you. You
29:30
Speaker 2: didn't find yourself until all of you until forty in
29:34
Speaker 2: your forties.
29:34
Speaker 1: Okay, now I'm one question. I want to ask you
29:38
Speaker 1: about relationships. We kind of like talked about it. But
29:41
Speaker 1: relationships have so many levels. You know, you have the romantic,
29:44
Speaker 1: the professional, and the personal, and they all have to
29:47
Speaker 1: be handled differently. Let's break them up, the romantic the romantic.
29:52
Speaker 2: What do you want to know about the romantic.
29:53
Speaker 1: From a standpoint of how do you fit in and
29:57
Speaker 1: how your personality can make a relationship because that's a
30:01
Speaker 1: disaster based on you not understanding who you are. As
30:07
Speaker 1: the word complexity, Yes, you're right, So.
30:13
Speaker 2: Relationships are complex, especially romantic because in the romantic sense
30:17
Speaker 2: it's a mirror. So those relationships nowadays people are like
30:22
Speaker 2: if they're toxic, leave But the best and the best
30:26
Speaker 2: relationships actually may look toxic as long as there's not
30:32
Speaker 2: emotional physical abuse because it's bringing those things up that
30:36
Speaker 2: we can tuck away in our platonic and professional relationships.
30:40
Speaker 2: So I'll give you an example, and my relationship, my
30:45
Speaker 2: partner had really pulled, had pulled something that made me
30:51
Speaker 2: emotionally irritated, and I responded in a way that I
30:55
Speaker 2: was little Marsia. And I recognize that the last time
30:59
Speaker 2: I like that was with my mom when I was
31:02
Speaker 2: nine years old, and it happened twice. And so through
31:05
Speaker 2: my own healing work, I said, Hm, I'm in my forties,
31:10
Speaker 2: I'm not nine. Why am I projecting this onto my
31:15
Speaker 2: partner when he's not my mom? And that's not fair.
31:19
Speaker 2: So I had to look in myself and I had
31:21
Speaker 2: to nurture the little girl and me do my inner
31:24
Speaker 2: work and mother me. So I didn't bring that into
31:27
Speaker 2: my romantic relationship. And a lot of people don't know
31:31
Speaker 2: how to do that. They make their partner carry the
31:35
Speaker 2: burden that their parents couldn't carry. And so you can't
31:40
Speaker 2: let your partner, your fiance, your spouse, you can't let
31:44
Speaker 2: them carry the burden of your mother or your father,
31:49
Speaker 2: and saying you got to be like my mom or
31:50
Speaker 2: my dad, because that is a burden that your parents
31:54
Speaker 2: couldn't even carry and so that's really important to them
31:59
Speaker 2: to get for them to understand your parents can't, your
32:03
Speaker 2: partner can't carry the burdens of your professional professional Yeah,
32:12
Speaker 2: you got to be consistent and you got to treat
32:15
Speaker 2: people the way you want to be treated. And it's
32:18
Speaker 2: the same thing with that. Sometimes people will expect their
32:25
Speaker 2: professional relationships to be similar to their parents or understanding
32:30
Speaker 2: as a family. They can't tell everybody professionally, they're all
32:35
Speaker 2: their business to their professional relationships, but there's a certain
32:39
Speaker 2: boundary that they need. But they have to ask themselves
32:42
Speaker 2: if they have those boundaries within themselves.
32:45
Speaker 1: So now now they're boundaries because you know, the professional relationship.
32:51
Speaker 1: In the romantic relationship, different boundaries because there's intimacy there right, Okay,
32:56
Speaker 1: Now the professional relationship, there's no intimacy and in fact
33:00
Speaker 1: is against the human resources rule. Okay. So that means
33:07
Speaker 1: that certain people who need emotional support can't always get
33:11
Speaker 1: it in that professional relationship. Where do they go.
33:14
Speaker 2: Well, they can, they can. It's a fine line. I
33:18
Speaker 2: think it's a fine line. It depends on what industry
33:22
Speaker 2: they're in. So if you're in an engineering or a
33:24
Speaker 2: scientific where they kind of think black and white. No,
33:26
Speaker 2: you can't do that. You might need to use your
33:28
Speaker 2: EAP benefits and go get counseling right, or you need
33:35
Speaker 2: to be able to have emotional outlet. I think in
33:38
Speaker 2: all relationships you can't put everything on one So in
33:43
Speaker 2: the professional relationship, your emotional needs are not going to
33:45
Speaker 2: be met in that professional space, and so you have
33:49
Speaker 2: to the complexities. Going back to complexities, it can be
33:52
Speaker 2: very complex, but in the professional place, you can't maybe
33:56
Speaker 2: expect your manager to emotionally hold you down. Maybe when
33:59
Speaker 2: you're going through something, you can just be very objective
34:02
Speaker 2: in saying, hey, I'm having a family emergency and then
34:05
Speaker 2: discuss your emotional issues or the emotional complexities that you're
34:09
Speaker 2: navigating with somebody in your personal relationship that you're in
34:13
Speaker 2: a personal relationship or a romantic relationship with.
34:17
Speaker 1: You said it personal, Yes, let's close it out with
34:19
Speaker 1: the personal thought process, which I don't want to because
34:23
Speaker 1: it's you kind of like answer some of them. But
34:26
Speaker 1: it is a personal relationship which tends to be into
34:29
Speaker 1: the best friends people you hang out with, and sometimes
34:33
Speaker 1: you might feel you've been boxed out and you can
34:35
Speaker 1: feel like a person in that relationship is your relationship
34:40
Speaker 1: and then they start look like they're being shared. You
34:43
Speaker 1: can be offended by that, right.
34:46
Speaker 2: So the personal relationships, I think we got to identify
34:50
Speaker 2: what each relationship means to us. So what my relationship
34:55
Speaker 2: may mean to you may not mean the same to
34:59
Speaker 2: you to me. And when we can identify those things
35:03
Speaker 2: and be able to have open communications. So there was
35:06
Speaker 2: a lot of friends when maybe in my twenties and thirties,
35:09
Speaker 2: that I was their best friend. They weren't my best
35:13
Speaker 2: friend because I am usually holding the space for people.
35:17
Speaker 2: But also I didn't want to be vulnerable, so they weren't.
35:20
Speaker 2: They were like, oh when I could cut them off,
35:24
Speaker 2: they were like, how can you do that? And I said,
35:28
Speaker 2: I wasn't as close to you as you were close
35:30
Speaker 2: to me, But I had to work through that and
35:33
Speaker 2: be vulnerable. So sometimes we have to look at our
35:36
Speaker 2: personal relationships and see what parts of our lives do
35:43
Speaker 2: they take what parts in our story do they take up?
35:46
Speaker 2: Do they say, Okay, well our mom didn't give us this,
35:50
Speaker 2: So this person's going to be a motherly figure and
35:52
Speaker 2: when they step out of that role, I'm going to
35:54
Speaker 2: try to put them back into that space. But that's
35:57
Speaker 2: not their role. They're here to be a friend, and
36:00
Speaker 2: so it's just really taking inventory. I'm usually like I've
36:04
Speaker 2: been the mother or the supportive one, but when I
36:07
Speaker 2: step out of it, people don't like that.
36:10
Speaker 1: Her name is Marcia Evans, founder of Willtree Counselor and
36:15
Speaker 1: Education Center. It's based where.
36:17
Speaker 2: It's based in Fairfax, Virginia.
36:19
Speaker 1: And we can do services provided online. Yes okay. And
36:23
Speaker 1: licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience HBCU graduate.
36:28
Speaker 2: Yes, it's Virginia State not Hampton State.
36:32
Speaker 1: Oh big difference. Okay, But friend, thank you for coming
36:34
Speaker 1: on Money Making Conversation master Class.
36:36
Speaker 2: Thank you.
36:37
Speaker 1: This has been Money Making Conversation master Class with me
36:40
Speaker 1: Rashaun McDonald. Thanks to our guest and our audience. Visit
36:44
Speaker 1: Moneymakingconversation dot com to listen. Are registered to be a
36:47
Speaker 1: guest on my show. Keep leading with your gifts, Keep winning,