Latest / The Pausecast / Ep. 76 3 steps to firm up flimsy boundaries if you're working remotely or from home

Transcript

Ep. 76 3 steps to firm up flimsy boundaries if you're working remotely or from home · The Pausecast

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  Hi, I'm Rachel O'Meara. I'm the host of the podcast.
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  I'm also the author of pause harnessing, the life-changing
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  power of giving yourself a break, as well as a private
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  coach for men and women who are struggling with, how to get out
• 0:21
  of overwhelm and reclaim their lives.
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  The pause cast is dedicated to helping individuals learn the
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  tools and Be more self aware that we can all be more capable
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  of to live our best life, to reach our potential.
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  invite you to download my free gift to you which is a blueprint
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  The blueprint is available at my website, www.hiwayfx.com get it
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  today so you can start to implement these tools that we
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  can all learn And that's what the paws cast is all about.
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  Hey friends, Rachel here and I've got a great great very
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  relevant topic for I believe everyone out there as a working
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  parent and also who is wanting to maybe shift the boundaries of
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  how you are working. Maybe a remoting maybe your
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  hybrid working, or maybe even in the office but for whatever
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  reason you are feeling like you are tethered not just to your
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  devices but maybe to your toddler.
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  And so I'm laughing because Heather to your toddler.
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  I've never said that before. But gosh, I mean well who isn't
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  Tethered to their toddler? But when you need to get work
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  done, maybe and you're working from home, this could be an
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  issue. So today's topic, I think we'll
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  be hitting home with so many of us who have kids at home, which
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  is really all about how to do what you need to do, how to take
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  care of responsibilities while feeling Tethered to your toddler
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  feeling, tether to whatever obligations you have.
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  They might be Children, they might be your pets, but the
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  reality is they're interrupting or disrupting the time that you
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  need for being successful and doing what you need to do at
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  work. Let's get into it.
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  Okay, so I had a situation with a client and I want to share a
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  little bit more context where is was someone who's working from
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  home, doing a great job at her workplace and has a three year
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  old has a three year old toddler who is interrupting the day and
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  it just feels hard and challenging because the things
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  that need to get done are not getting done.
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  But yet here she is as a really awesome Mom, who wants to A
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  server child who wants to do things and yet it's getting in
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  the way of what needs to get done.
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  So we had a conversation about this and the reality is, if you
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  were to take a step back and think objectively about this,
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  what's really going on, right? And maybe, you know, someone in
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  the situation or maybe you've been in this situation or maybe
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  this is your situation right now, right?
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  Som some related way. Think about toddlers, think
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  about a three-year-old or even like a two-year-old or even a
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  little older than a three-year-old.
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  You know what, what are they all about?
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  What are they like to do? You might be thinking about it
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  and you don't even need to think too hard.
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  The first thing this person said to me was Tantrums she New York
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  child really well and yes, ding. Ding.
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  Ding so toddlers. All about testing the
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  boundaries, okay? Toddlers is part of Child
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  Development and formation are literally Testing out their
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  bonds and individuating from their primary, caretaker, right?
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  This is all going back to childhood development and really
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  formation, which is interesting and itself but really there's no
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  shortage of testing those boundaries and we all know that
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  right we've seen three year olds in action and they are Fierce.
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  They want to get their way whether it's the highway or no
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  way or Airway or any, which way, right?
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  So they're going to do what they do, no matter what you try to
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  do, right? So it was very interesting as we
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  continue it continued the conversation, what?
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  We'll call her Sally occurred to Sally that.
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  Okay? Maybe there's some things that
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  need to shift, and that's exactly it.
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  So, knowing our beloved toddlers.
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  Those dear children in our lives and maybe you've got a niece or
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  nephew maybe sent your child, but At the idea.
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  There's this there's this pattern of testing the
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  boundaries so as an adult who is clearly needing responsibilities
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  done and past to complete, we need to change it up so that the
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  boundaries stay in place while they're getting tested.
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  Okay, so what could you do? What could be different for you?
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  If you are looking for, maybe getting your stuff done and
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  maybe you're working from home, or maybe it's the holidays right
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  now, for example, and there's a struggle Google to get the stuff
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  done because you got a million other things, you have to do
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  like shopping for gifts and hiding the gifts and cooking for
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  people and hosting relatives or traveling.
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  I mean, there's so many things, it tends to be a stressful time.
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  It doesn't have to be though. So the reality is we need to
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  make a decision and we meaning you or whomever has to change up
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  the game a little bit to create new rules for this time period.
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  They may not need to last forever because this The phase
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  right being three doesn't last forever, or being for maybe it's
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  even seven years old, whatever. Whatever the case is, we need to
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  create the new boundaries. So what could you do
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  differently? And this is where we need to
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  make the choice that we want to do things differently.
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  And Sally's case there was a little hesitation and and the
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  hesitation was around not being there for her child naturally.
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  She wants to be there. She's the mom.
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  Like, of course, she wants to be there but the reality is becomes
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  frayed as potentially. The bonding can get disrupted
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  when we have other obligations, right?
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  So that's the Work World, right? Being being a leader at work,
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  means I need to get my stuff done and I also need to show up
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  for my family and my children. So we brainstorm some options
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  and I think that really it comes down to two things.
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  One is the choice, right? So the first thing is, you know,
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  you need to do something different because the You've got
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  right now whether it's the child, literally pulling at your
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  pant leg, for whatever the moment of the day is that they
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  need attention for right because that's their job.
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  Again, there's three other testing these boundaries and
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  being little humans we can we can kind of delight in that as
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  well, right? Even though it can be the
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  umpteenth time of the day that they're trying this, but
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  something needs to change. So, one is that mental decision
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  to say, okay, you know what, I can't keep doing this, this
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  isn't working for me. What am I willing to implement
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  now, Now, and it may not be forever, but it might be for
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  these for these couple months and this person did have a,
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  like, a caretaker and someone to help with them.
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  So really? That was a great start.
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  Obviously like there's someone there and you couldn't really
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  work at all, my guess is, if there wasn't anyone there.
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  So the first thing is to make that choice and say, you know
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  what, I gotta I got to be a little more effective with my
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  boundaries. Doesn't mean you're a critic
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  about yourself. You don't pass the judgement,
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  right? These are the traps, these
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  pitfalls we can fall into Right? The fixed mindset of laying like
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  such a bad parent, like such a shaming ourselves, like that's
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  not going to serve you. Imagine, you're the kind parent,
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  the best friend that is speaking to you as a peer and saying, you
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  know what? You know what.
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  Like here's what I think will work.
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  Why don't you? If you consider decks, have you
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  considered working at the basement desk?
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  That might need a little beautification, maybe I'll bring
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  down a picture. I spruced it up with some
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  holiday Glam, right? Like we need to make it fun for
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  ourselves and this was an option.
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  We talked. About right?
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  That could be pretty cool. Maybe you can get out of the
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  house for a couple hours and it doesn't need to start with
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  everyday or a huge eight-hour day out of the house.
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  This was another option we talked about, right?
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  You're changing the system so that the boundary and in the
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  environment can be different so that you can be successful
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  because this is the part that needs to change its actually
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  about our own individual responses to a stress system.
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  And in that case it might be us like our nervous system is a
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  little stressed out. I'm feeling tethered and pulled
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  and guilty like all these things that could be going on.
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  So the reality is okay. That's not effective, that's not
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  helping me much and probably not my child much, because then
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  they're confused. I can can, I can't be with them,
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  cannot be with them, but the key is to actually give yourself
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  some self-love and I say self-love, meaning care,
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  self-care and and and their self-respect to actually say,
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  okay, here's what I know I need, this is what really served me.
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  I got to get out of the house, maybe it's for 10:00 to 2:00
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  p.m. on my busy day on Monday because I know that starts me
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  off for the week. I can get a clean slate and I'm
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  going to set expectations and keep myself accountable.
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  Notice a couple things that I just said there, right?
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  Like we can't just go ahead and do it without some planning.
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  Setting expectations is a super super underrated skill, right?
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  Because it takes for communication and it takes being
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  clear with what you want. And Those expectations so others
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  can support you, right? So maybe she tells her caretaker
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  hey on Monday next week. I'm out of the house from 10 to
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  2. She might even tell her son and
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  that was something we also discussed because maybe he can
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  prepare a little bit more. And it's not just some kind of
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  release different situation that will also make things worse for
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  him in the short term, right? Like maybe there's a bigger
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  tantrum, he'd have. So she really liked that idea
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  and is going to be sharing that with her.
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  Her son and her caretaker, she's going to calendar it in her
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  appointment book. Because that's what's so
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  important is when we write things down, not only are we 30
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  percent more likely to meet those goals.
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  But, and I talked about this in the journaling, as a superpower
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  Episode. By the way, just, just a recent
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  episode here, where you're telling your brain, it's
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  important when you write something down.
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  So you're actually adding significance to it, which is why
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  when we calendar. He's actually can be more likely
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  to happen, whether that's your digital calendar or your written
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  calendar, whatever works for you.
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  Okay. So what are you getting from
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  this? What do you what we know?
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  What are your takeaways? Because this is an important
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  topic where a lot of times our boundaries get a little flimsy
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  little little flimsy right round the edges they might seep into
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  areas that we kind of make excuses for like oh it's just
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  another Tuesday and it's the end of the year so you know I don't
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  think I really need to get this done.
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  I'm sure it could slip till January, I mean, maybe that's a
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  luxury for you. But for most of us, it's easy to
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  slip. It's a slippery slope as I like
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  to say. So know that when you start to
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  feel like you're getting and cringed on Fringe and cringed, I
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  don't know if that's a word in infringed upon your boundaries
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  and you're noticing maybe that overwhelm like feeling
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  overwhelmed meaning sticky, like, oh, I don't know if I
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  should do this or I don't want to be on this.
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  Project at this time because I don't think I'm going to get it
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  done and then your attention is divided.
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  You're literally multitasking, right?
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  Maybe it's home, responsibilities like a toddler,
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  maybe it's a teenager. Maybe it's needing cat or two
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  and a pet rabbit. Maybe, I'm just making these
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  things up as examples. Hopefully, you see my humor in
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  there? You know, it's all I meant in
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  just and good faith because the idea is that all of those
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  literally are the same as multitasking in your brain.
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  And and fun fact about multitasking.
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  I'm sure you probably have a judgment about multitasking
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  which is it's actually leads to being less productive.
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  And it decreases your IQ by 10% because our brains are not
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  designed to be like, what's the words process?
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  Like the Dual processors? I'm not the engineer, my husband
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  is, but yeah. Dual processing.
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  So you're like, you know, having two modes at the same time like
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  our brains Are One processor and we all kind of know this, right?
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  Like when we switch from email it at, we have to like spend 15
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  minutes every time that get back into our Rhythm and what we're
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  doing. And so I, you know, Speak for a
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  long time on that, maybe that'll be a separate episode.
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  Actually, there we go. We just got a new episode but
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  you know, the reality is, how do you set yourself up for success?
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  And I think the first one, the first step is awareness right as
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  a highly emotional intelligent leader.
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  You're aware that something needs to change and this is
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  where coaching can be great because you may not know what it
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  is or how to do it. But, you know, at least there's
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  this awareness that it's not working anymore and that's the
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  beauty of doing something different.
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  But it takes the awareness First, it takes the courage to
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  change it, right? So you're going up against my
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  guesses patterns, you've had for a long time that feel really set
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  in their ways, right? Or even beliefs that are
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  informing those patterns that are unconscious.
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  All right man our brains are unconscious 95% of the time as I
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  was recently reminded. So all of this to say that we
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  can set ourselves up boundaries limits and expectations need to
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  be Revisited and set up again and don't think of it.
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  You need to please everybody or say yes to all these things
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  outside of yourself. And remember in this case you
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  know I made this example with a toddler toddler the extreme
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  example, right? Like they're just a one-way
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  street, they're going to do what they do and throw the Tantrum
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  because that's their job. This is to differentiate an
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  individuate from their primary caretaker.
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  Well yeah. So this is a big topic and think
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  about your world you know what could you revisit for your
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  boundaries? What might need a little more.
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  Or structure or a new and improved boundary for yourself
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  that could work and it will take effort, right?
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  That's the hard part, it means you do something different.
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  But guess what? I love this part about it.
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  It will set you up for Success. You will have more success.
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  You will feel more confident because you're doing what you
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  need to do in the world on your terms.
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  And that to me is a huge self-care move in service to
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  everything that's going for you and that could Be even better.
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  Because if you're not taking care of you, it's no one else's
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  job. But yourself, right?
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  And so you can take care of a toddler and yourself at the same
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  time. It's totally possible, but it
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  requires boundaries. All right, everyone.
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  I hope you enjoyed this episode on what to do, when boundaries,
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  feel a little shaky and how you can shift that as a high EQ
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  leader, as someone who's aware, and someone who is willing to
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  take the risk to do something different in service to your
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  doing, right? That's what we're talking about
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  here, being in service to your doing there.
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  For you feel better, you bring more joy and fulfillment to you,
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  which is a ripple effect in your whole family, in your whole life
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  and at work with your peers and your colleagues.
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  And your team and you even your managers have a great day and so
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  glad you're here. Thanks have fun with those
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  boundaries. Let me know if and what you try,
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  in fact, leave me a message here on the anchor dot f, m, / of the
• 15:53
  podcast, that's the link to this show or you can simply email me
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  back. You can send me an email on my
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  Instagram website. There's all kinds of stuff there
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  or LinkedIn, email, it's all good stuff.
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  Oh, thank you. Thank you.
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  Thank you. I'll talk to you later.
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