Latest / The Steve Harvey Morning Show / Dondré Whitfield Full Interview

Transcript

Dondré Whitfield Full Interview · The Steve Harvey Morning Show

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Speaker 1: Welcome to money making conversation. I'm your man, Rashaan McDonald.
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Speaker 1: I'm always the host. We're talking about entrepreneurship and entertainment
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1:28
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1:34
Speaker 1: low moments and I try to get those stories out
1:36
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1:38
Speaker 1: When you have that little moment, what do you do?
1:40
Speaker 1: And some of the interviews that I have, maybe you
1:42
Speaker 1: can get some information they if you heard in one
1:44
Speaker 1: of my interviews, that will allow you to get out
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Speaker 1: of that sad moment, to get out of that valley
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Speaker 1: that can that can bury you. Sometimes the interviews on
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Speaker 1: my show provide relatable information to listen about career and
1:55
Speaker 1: financial planning, entrepreneurship, motivation, leadership, overcoming the arts, and how
2:00
Speaker 1: to live a balanced life. My guests is someone you've
2:03
Speaker 1: seen grow up on television, starting and sitcoms, dramas, and film.
2:07
Speaker 1: He is an Emmy nominated veteran TV and film actor,
2:10
Speaker 1: social activist, relationship coach, and author of Male Versus Man.
2:15
Speaker 1: He is currently ambassador for Delta Airlines Annual Dream Flight
2:18
Speaker 1: and ambassador for p Gas Beyond the Green mentoring program
2:22
Speaker 1: for youth and college dudentes. He's on the show to
2:24
Speaker 1: discuss this new book, Mail Versus Man, which I have
2:27
Speaker 1: read and love it. Please welcome to Money Making Conversations
2:30
Speaker 1: my Man Dendre with philm my brother. Hey, brother, let's today.
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Speaker 1: You know what, man, I've been knowing you years man,
2:41
Speaker 1: and uh, the humbleness of your of you is always
2:44
Speaker 1: something that stood out about me when I met you
2:47
Speaker 1: because of the fact that there was always that look.
2:50
Speaker 1: You always had that look? Man, What can I do next?
2:53
Speaker 1: Explain that about that? Before we get into detail. I
2:57
Speaker 1: know that's that's a look that I always was like, Man,
3:00
Speaker 1: Love that dude, man, because he really does care. Why
3:03
Speaker 1: Why is that passion in so much in you? Because
3:07
Speaker 1: I know that when people really care about someone, they
3:12
Speaker 1: invest in them. What's necessary in order to get them
3:16
Speaker 1: to come to the fullness of their life. Many of
3:19
Speaker 1: our children in underserved and under resourced neighborhoods like the
3:25
Speaker 1: one I grew up in Brooklyn. If we had the resources, um,
3:30
Speaker 1: if we had the kind of care, if people took
3:34
Speaker 1: the kind of time to invest in our kids, our kids. Look,
3:39
Speaker 1: our kids do it in spite of not having all
3:43
Speaker 1: of those things at times. So can you imagine if
3:46
Speaker 1: they had proper resourcing. One of the things that's um,
3:50
Speaker 1: that's really eye opening in the conversation of what we
3:53
Speaker 1: what we're having about policing right now, is defunding the
3:56
Speaker 1: police in order to properly fund our neighborhoods, right, and
4:01
Speaker 1: our neighborhoods is really funding our children. Right. What do
4:05
Speaker 1: they need? We've got, We've got, we need social work.
4:09
Speaker 1: Our children are experiencing PTSD. They don't have to turn
4:12
Speaker 1: on the television to see violence being committed against them.
4:16
Speaker 1: They're watching it every single day in their own neighborhoods.
4:19
Speaker 1: They're watching it every single day in their own homes.
4:22
Speaker 1: So for me, I know that as a kid growing
4:24
Speaker 1: up in Brooklyn, I was impacted greatly when people took
4:30
Speaker 1: the time to invest energy in me and so every
4:34
Speaker 1: single day as a man, I know that that is
4:36
Speaker 1: that that's my purpose in life, and that's important and
4:39
Speaker 1: you deliver it. I've seen you and many times with
4:42
Speaker 1: Steve and Steve Harvey and I had the mantoring camps. Man,
4:46
Speaker 1: what the loan phone call to get you there? Brother?
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Speaker 1: You were there and just was there and get what
4:51
Speaker 1: wasn't dressed like a star. You're just like a regular guy.
4:53
Speaker 1: You just ready to work. You know, ten use home,
4:55
Speaker 1: you know, little little formal pants and there's just a
4:58
Speaker 1: T shirt. If that that's all you needed because you
5:00
Speaker 1: saw something these young people that you know only you
5:05
Speaker 1: through your effort. And I said you other others there,
5:08
Speaker 1: but you take it personal. You take it personal though,
5:11
Speaker 1: and that's what I like about you know. You know
5:14
Speaker 1: what I saw in all of those young brothers, I
5:17
Speaker 1: saw myself. Yes, So even even I didn't even get
5:23
Speaker 1: invitation to the mentoring camp, I had to reach I
5:26
Speaker 1: reached out to Steve Um, to Steve Folks. I got
5:31
Speaker 1: a conversation with one of his daughters. First, Yo, you
5:35
Speaker 1: guys need to have me there right, I'm not my
5:38
Speaker 1: answered like I begged my way in the in the
5:40
Speaker 1: getting there and then you know, many of our brothers
5:44
Speaker 1: and this is not a knock on any of them,
5:46
Speaker 1: but many of our brothers came in for the day
5:48
Speaker 1: and then they left. About a conversation. I had a
5:51
Speaker 1: conversation with my with my two kids, my daughter and
5:55
Speaker 1: my son, and I said, I need your permission because
5:59
Speaker 1: it happens over father this day weekend, right, So I
6:03
Speaker 1: had a conversation with my daughter, with my daughter and
6:06
Speaker 1: my son to say, I need your permission. I need
6:10
Speaker 1: you to lend me to those kids that don't have
6:13
Speaker 1: a father. So I stayed there the entire weekend. I
6:18
Speaker 1: was actually the only brother there aside from of course,
6:22
Speaker 1: for the steelish. I was the only father there, the
6:24
Speaker 1: only quote unquote to left there that was actually there
6:28
Speaker 1: on Father's Day. And I did that because I know
6:33
Speaker 1: that our young you know, our young brothers need to
6:37
Speaker 1: be able to to to feel that like they can
6:40
Speaker 1: tell when you come in to make an appearance or
6:43
Speaker 1: whether you're truly invested, right, They can tell that. Man,
6:47
Speaker 1: they can tell were you there for the shine? You're
6:50
Speaker 1: there for that when you're there for the shine, but
6:52
Speaker 1: you're there for the like yes, and and they and
6:56
Speaker 1: they're mad about it too, because it's been done so
6:58
Speaker 1: many times. That's why man's not in there. That's why
7:01
Speaker 1: they won't and that's why they won't listen to you,
7:03
Speaker 1: because they can tell. They can see through that. Right.
7:05
Speaker 1: When you grow up in the streets, you learn how
7:08
Speaker 1: to recognize the bs, right, you learn how to like
7:12
Speaker 1: size people up and go, oh man, this dude is
7:14
Speaker 1: making an appearance. As soon as those cameras turn off,
7:18
Speaker 1: watch him turn off, right, they can they can steal it, right,
7:22
Speaker 1: And I wanted those brothers to know, yo, man, no, no, no,
7:25
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be here. I didn't leave the camp. Matter
7:27
Speaker 1: of fact, the first day at the camp. My first
7:30
Speaker 1: day at the camp, I stayed so long that I
7:35
Speaker 1: actually missed the rods back. Absolutely, that's a truth story.
7:40
Speaker 1: Remember that absolutely, because because you call, you said, hey, man,
7:44
Speaker 1: I need a d Man, I've been here dealing with
7:51
Speaker 1: it with the kids, like I ain't got no way
7:54
Speaker 1: back to get to the hotel. Like that's putting in
7:57
Speaker 1: work and you know it, you need you know. And
8:01
Speaker 1: the reason I brought that story up and just our
8:03
Speaker 1: relationship because I want to let everybody know why this
8:07
Speaker 1: book is important. There's always been a passion mission for
8:09
Speaker 1: him throughout his life. This finally allows us to read
8:13
Speaker 1: why is it so passionate? In the words, the book
8:16
Speaker 1: I'm talking about is male versus man Um. This is
8:19
Speaker 1: an amazing book. Mr Wilm calling you Mr with theil
8:22
Speaker 1: okay because you preach it him. You preach it him
8:25
Speaker 1: in this book. When I got the Moses, you know,
8:28
Speaker 1: when the Moses, I was looking for a plate. I
8:30
Speaker 1: was looking for a plate. I don't looking for a
8:32
Speaker 1: plate money. And and the thing about it is that
8:36
Speaker 1: tell us the importance of importance of male versus man.
8:39
Speaker 1: And we're gonna break down some details about it because
8:42
Speaker 1: there was some personal stuff that you mentioned in your
8:44
Speaker 1: book that hit home for me, and that's important just
8:47
Speaker 1: the people I knew, a person I knew and I
8:50
Speaker 1: and I want to reflect on that. But tell us
8:52
Speaker 1: the importance of male versus man. Well, you know, there is,
8:57
Speaker 1: as as I t up in the book, and that
9:00
Speaker 1: I often say when I speak that every man that
9:03
Speaker 1: you meet as a male, but not every male that
9:05
Speaker 1: you meet as a man. There's a huge difference between
9:09
Speaker 1: being a male and being a man. So being a
9:13
Speaker 1: male male is the gender that we were chosen to be,
9:20
Speaker 1: But man is the job that we choose to do.
9:24
Speaker 1: So males look to serve themselves, while men look to
9:29
Speaker 1: serve others. They look to be of service. Males look
9:34
Speaker 1: to be served. There's a huge difference between being a
9:38
Speaker 1: male and being a man, and many of our brothers,
9:42
Speaker 1: their development into manhood gets arrested at a very specific
9:48
Speaker 1: and early age, particularly when they don't have their father
9:52
Speaker 1: around to give them manhood messaging. Now, what's this. Just
9:58
Speaker 1: because you're the person and who gave you their DNA
10:03
Speaker 1: in your biological father, just because you have them in
10:06
Speaker 1: your life doesn't necessarily mean that you're gonna get the
10:09
Speaker 1: messaging that you need in order for you to matriculate
10:12
Speaker 1: in the manner. Because what is your father never got
10:14
Speaker 1: the messaging that he needed. Your father can't give you
10:19
Speaker 1: something that he never got. So many of our young
10:24
Speaker 1: brothers never properly matriculated in the manhood because they never
10:28
Speaker 1: received manhood messaging. My father was in and out of
10:32
Speaker 1: jail my entire life and throughout my adolescence, so I
10:38
Speaker 1: never got the messaging that I needed from my father.
10:41
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. My father never got the messaging
10:44
Speaker 1: that he needed either, So my father couldn't father me
10:48
Speaker 1: because he himself was unfathered. And in writing this book,
10:55
Speaker 1: I said to myself, you know what, and and this
10:58
Speaker 1: this came after me recond iling with my father after
11:02
Speaker 1: twenty years of the two of us being strange from
11:05
Speaker 1: each other. At six years old, I threatened my father.
11:08
Speaker 1: I told him, if I ever saw him again, one
11:11
Speaker 1: of us wasn't what wasn't gonna be here, and it
11:15
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be me. And uh so I can't say
11:20
Speaker 1: exactly what I said because I don't speak that way anymore.
11:23
Speaker 1: But that's one of the Lucas. Lucas Lucas without a doubt, right.
11:28
Speaker 1: So in boy, you're breaking it down, Sean, Now I
11:32
Speaker 1: get it bad. You really read this book. Oh my gosh,
11:37
Speaker 1: we're gonna get to the Book of Lucas to the minute.
11:39
Speaker 1: But boy, I can't even believe you breaking me up. Okay,
11:43
Speaker 1: So literally, I wrote this book because what I wanted
11:48
Speaker 1: to do was I wanted to um. I wanted to
11:52
Speaker 1: break down UM for my father. I knew that my
11:57
Speaker 1: father could have been a great man had he had
12:00
Speaker 1: great instruction, right, And so I said, if my father,
12:05
Speaker 1: if I need to write the playbook, for manhood that
12:10
Speaker 1: if my father had it would have been abled him
12:14
Speaker 1: to become a great man. And thankfully, odd eleven year
12:17
Speaker 1: old son, thankfully I'm in his life. But what if
12:20
Speaker 1: God calls me home sooner than I anticipated. I need
12:24
Speaker 1: to have a playbook for manhood that my son can
12:27
Speaker 1: immediately go to and say, Okay, here's here's what it is. Right,
12:32
Speaker 1: So this was the purpose behind me writing male versus
12:37
Speaker 1: man beautiful. And then I want to make a note,
12:40
Speaker 1: like I said, you know your faith has become strong
12:42
Speaker 1: in your life, has been a passage or write a
12:46
Speaker 1: passage for you and when you reunite with your father,
12:49
Speaker 1: he found Islam, and so so it's it's all about
12:53
Speaker 1: a journey. And like I said, his journey was doing
12:56
Speaker 1: incarceration okay before he found his faith okay. And what
13:02
Speaker 1: you lost, you and him to have a clear understanding
13:05
Speaker 1: of how you can communicate with each other, your your
13:08
Speaker 1: your journey to your faith in the Book of Lucas okay.
13:12
Speaker 1: And it's been derived through allowing us to see you
13:16
Speaker 1: grow and play out television movies and films, you know,
13:20
Speaker 1: starting on the cause. But shall all that stuff, you know,
13:22
Speaker 1: A look cute little boy you know what I'm saying,
13:25
Speaker 1: and so, but along the way, they are tragic moments
13:28
Speaker 1: that pop up. I can I can tell you this
13:29
Speaker 1: man when I was I wunderstand, was about five years old,
13:33
Speaker 1: one of my good friends. You know, he was blowing
13:36
Speaker 1: up a balloon and it sucked it down and he
13:39
Speaker 1: held it and he choked and died. That had a
13:43
Speaker 1: I'm changing man. That had a lasting effector it's even
13:45
Speaker 1: now it's it's to me. I can understand why you
13:49
Speaker 1: need counseling. While they said get counselor the counseling, get counseling,
13:53
Speaker 1: because nobody, Nobody'm a black neighbor. I'm black kids in
13:56
Speaker 1: the hood, there was no counsel you know, well, just
13:59
Speaker 1: just feel sorry for hear you? You know, you know
14:02
Speaker 1: God called him home. You know it was his time.
14:05
Speaker 1: All those classic statements you get now, young man, that
14:09
Speaker 1: you're not both knew. I was Steve Harming. I was doing,
14:12
Speaker 1: uh name you going three to beat and in Los Angeles,
14:17
Speaker 1: most popular radio format in l A at the time,
14:20
Speaker 1: and uh my mom Parker used to come up to
14:23
Speaker 1: the state good looking young man. I love that dude. Man,
14:27
Speaker 1: slender in shape by six one, you know we should
14:30
Speaker 1: laugh all the time whenever you come around that corner.
14:33
Speaker 1: He had energy, man, he had energy that you just
14:37
Speaker 1: calmed out, what are you taking man? When you come
14:39
Speaker 1: up from the station. And and then and telling and
14:44
Speaker 1: introducing him into this book. I learned the side of
14:47
Speaker 1: you I didn't know about your motorcycle stills, you know,
14:51
Speaker 1: and the ability to be able to be special. That's
14:54
Speaker 1: why I always look at people like you, man, is
14:56
Speaker 1: that you know, God gives us all a lot of talents,
15:00
Speaker 1: you know, and that's just one of the talents that
15:01
Speaker 1: you became very good at. And in doing so, Mr
15:05
Speaker 1: Parker became enamored and wanted to share that experience tell
15:09
Speaker 1: us the rest of the story. You know, my a
15:14
Speaker 1: mind was my I love the fact that you recall
15:18
Speaker 1: him through his staple, which was his energy. I love
15:24
Speaker 1: that kid, This dude, this brother was like like a
15:28
Speaker 1: pack of like a super Transformer pack of energy. And
15:35
Speaker 1: no matter when you saw him, he was the same way.
15:39
Speaker 1: His mom um said that when I finally met her,
15:44
Speaker 1: she said that we were uh we were. We must
15:47
Speaker 1: have been separated at birth because our energy is always
15:51
Speaker 1: like the said, is one of the reasons why we
15:53
Speaker 1: we were attracted to one another as brothers because our
15:57
Speaker 1: energies matched. It was just off life. The dude didn't
16:01
Speaker 1: have you know, uh, he didn't have those kinds of
16:05
Speaker 1: advices and and all that stuff that would make him,
16:08
Speaker 1: you know, energetic. He was just energetic about life. And
16:13
Speaker 1: he became my best friend out here. And um, we
16:16
Speaker 1: did everything together with our families, together, our our our wives.
16:22
Speaker 1: Um we're great together our you know. I was really
16:25
Speaker 1: tight with his kids and a couple of months before
16:31
Speaker 1: my wife gave birth to our first child, my daughter. Um,
16:39
Speaker 1: a man decided that I was always a a ade motorcyclist,
16:44
Speaker 1: and my skill sets ran deep. You know. I was
16:46
Speaker 1: really on the freeway and and do stoppings and um,
16:51
Speaker 1: you know, I raised motorcycles. Like motorcycles became a huge
16:56
Speaker 1: part of like my life. And I was doing stuff
16:59
Speaker 1: that while I was on television shows. And I would
17:02
Speaker 1: do all of these stunts on my motorcycle, and people like,
17:05
Speaker 1: I take my helmet off so I can get help
17:06
Speaker 1: people be like that's doing from that show. So people
17:11
Speaker 1: were like blown away at that. He would come over
17:13
Speaker 1: to my house, see my motorcycles, see my wife's motorcycle.
17:17
Speaker 1: He was like, man, I've always wanted to ride. I said, well, Yo,
17:20
Speaker 1: if you're gonna ride, you're gonna have to go through
17:23
Speaker 1: motorcycle stafsty course. So I made sure he went through
17:26
Speaker 1: the motorcycle safety course. He did all of that. Everything
17:30
Speaker 1: was good. I made sure his equipment was good all that.
17:33
Speaker 1: His first day of getting on the freeway, I said, listen,
17:36
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come pick you up. I was living in
17:39
Speaker 1: Targana at the time. He lived in Palmdale, so it's
17:42
Speaker 1: a big trip. So had to ride out there to
17:44
Speaker 1: his house. And uh, and we got on the freeway
17:47
Speaker 1: and we started rolling, and day was going great. And
17:52
Speaker 1: I talked about this in the book, and I'm not
17:54
Speaker 1: gonna go through the whole thing because it's a lengthy story.
17:57
Speaker 1: But rather than the reason why I picked him up
18:01
Speaker 1: was because I knew that it was my assignment to
18:04
Speaker 1: look after my friends. And what I talked about in
18:10
Speaker 1: the book is the pain that you go through as
18:14
Speaker 1: a man when you abandon your post and you don't
18:19
Speaker 1: walk out your assignment in life. And I happened to
18:27
Speaker 1: leave him while we were on the freeway in order
18:31
Speaker 1: to go through these turns that I used to love
18:33
Speaker 1: to go through, and I'm speeding through. And after I
18:40
Speaker 1: get to the end, my other partner and I were
18:45
Speaker 1: sitting there and we were waiting on him, and he
18:47
Speaker 1: never never came out of that turn. And in a
18:50
Speaker 1: car pulls up beside beside us and says, hey, you
18:54
Speaker 1: guys got a bite down back there. So we turned
18:56
Speaker 1: because we were on our way to pass a demas
18:59
Speaker 1: and this uh you turn. Uh. Come up on the
19:03
Speaker 1: other side and I see my best friend laid out
19:07
Speaker 1: in the middle of the freeway. His motorcycle is up
19:10
Speaker 1: against the guard rail. Traffickers stop. We go up to
19:14
Speaker 1: the top, turn back around, come back over and get
19:17
Speaker 1: down to him. Take off my helmet. I'm like, my mind,
19:21
Speaker 1: I'm like I said, you're good, all right. He's breathing,
19:26
Speaker 1: but he's not responding. His eyes are fluttering, his chest
19:34
Speaker 1: is comping, you know, trying to take in you know, oxygen.
19:39
Speaker 1: And I just begin you know, talking to him, going, man, hey,
19:44
Speaker 1: something just hit me. It's like, yo, you can't leave here.
19:47
Speaker 1: You got a wife and two kids and you haven't
19:50
Speaker 1: even seen my daughter be born yet. And just kept
19:54
Speaker 1: talking to him, kept talking to him. Ambulance finally comes
19:58
Speaker 1: transport him to the hospital. Long story short, he had
20:03
Speaker 1: so much swelling on his brain that they said that
20:07
Speaker 1: if he made it, he would never be the same again,
20:10
Speaker 1: and that he would just live his life, you know,
20:12
Speaker 1: in a vegitative state. And family, his wife, along with
20:19
Speaker 1: his mother, sister, they decided to give him a peaceful,
20:24
Speaker 1: you know, homegoing and it devastated me. It devastated me
20:31
Speaker 1: because while I know I'm not as powerful as God,
20:38
Speaker 1: and I don't know God's plan, all I know is
20:42
Speaker 1: is that as a man, I did not stand my
20:46
Speaker 1: post on that day. I didn't stay there. Now, I
20:50
Speaker 1: don't know if the both of us, we still don't
20:53
Speaker 1: know what happened. We don't know whether our car hit him.
20:55
Speaker 1: We don't know whether he lost control going into the term.
20:59
Speaker 1: We have no idea what happened. They still don't know,
21:01
Speaker 1: and I never got to start it off. To me,
21:03
Speaker 1: that's exactly what happened. All I know he was on
21:06
Speaker 1: the freeway, you know, and probably driving at a high speed,
21:10
Speaker 1: and that was it. And when it came back to
21:13
Speaker 1: me Andre, I was like, huh, you kidding me? Because
21:18
Speaker 1: that that that and that my takeaway from that book,
21:20
Speaker 1: it's about it. There's no pointing fingers. It's about life. No,
21:25
Speaker 1: it's no, it's about life and and and really that's
21:28
Speaker 1: why I talked about this, because, like I said, I
21:30
Speaker 1: don't know if I stayed with him. I don't know
21:34
Speaker 1: if both of us, you know, I might have meant
21:37
Speaker 1: that you know the same thing. I have no idea.
21:40
Speaker 1: All I know is this, as a man, I knew
21:44
Speaker 1: that my job was to look after my brother, and
21:48
Speaker 1: for a moment, in order for me to feed my flesh,
21:57
Speaker 1: I abandoned my post, and that Lesson stayed with me.
22:03
Speaker 1: First of all, his last name was Parker. My my
22:08
Speaker 1: he was. My daughter was born two months after he passed.
22:12
Speaker 1: Her name is Parker. So every single day that I
22:16
Speaker 1: look at her, every single day that I call her name,
22:19
Speaker 1: I think about him, and I also think about how
22:25
Speaker 1: devastating it can be when a man abandons his post.
22:30
Speaker 1: And so I've never since that day. And now my
22:35
Speaker 1: daughter comes September, will be sixteen. So that was sixteen
22:39
Speaker 1: years ago. So every single day when I walk as
22:44
Speaker 1: a man, I walk with great purpose, Like just like
22:47
Speaker 1: this Father's Day. It's ironic. We were talking about the
22:50
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22:55
Speaker 1: Father's Day in Los Angeles, I am or anizing a rally.
23:01
Speaker 1: You can go to all of my social media's and
23:03
Speaker 1: you will see my call to action all fathers, not
23:08
Speaker 1: Black fathers, not white fathers, all fathers, all fathers on
23:15
Speaker 1: Father's Day eleven am in front of City Hall in
23:18
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, because we recognize that while we want equality
23:24
Speaker 1: injustice for all of our families, we recognize that right
23:27
Speaker 1: now black people are being denied those rights. And as
23:33
Speaker 1: all fathers, when one child or one person of our
23:38
Speaker 1: families is denied equality injustice, thus too many. So the
23:43
Speaker 1: call to action is all fathers coming to stand up
23:47
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23:53
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Speaker 1: the app for free auto dot ai. That's O T
25:52
Speaker 1: T E R dot Ai. I'm detas brother, your special
25:56
Speaker 1: mayor you know and um and and been. I've been
26:01
Speaker 1: a part of your life watching you on TV. You
26:05
Speaker 1: came into my life and forced your way into my
26:07
Speaker 1: life doing something I love doing, you know, changing people's lives.
26:11
Speaker 1: Who you know, brother, we didn't you know you are?
26:15
Speaker 1: I came from, you know, like they say that the
26:17
Speaker 1: Golden spirting lifestyle. You know what I'm saying, and so
26:21
Speaker 1: and so and the give and the give part and
26:24
Speaker 1: excuse me, Brooklyn Dre, let me go and just break
26:26
Speaker 1: it down to your Brooklyn Dre and uh you know,
26:31
Speaker 1: because that's because like you said, you know, we all
26:34
Speaker 1: have different slices of life that we live in, you know,
26:36
Speaker 1: like I said, But the term I want to take
26:40
Speaker 1: from the book that really hit home for me, this
26:42
Speaker 1: this statement, right here the mark of a man. This
26:45
Speaker 1: is in the book Male Versus Man. That's m a
26:48
Speaker 1: l e versus man. The mark of a man is
26:50
Speaker 1: that he can lead with his physicality, but chooses to
26:53
Speaker 1: lead with his mentality. You, sir, yes, sir. When I
26:59
Speaker 1: wrote that, I can't tell you, I literally when I
27:02
Speaker 1: wrote that, it came out of the fact that most
27:07
Speaker 1: of us have been taught that manhood really is masculinity,
27:15
Speaker 1: or really is our sexuality. Right, So our masculinity will
27:20
Speaker 1: speak to the fact that you know, uh, we could
27:23
Speaker 1: bench press two hundred pounds, two hundred pounds, right. Our
27:27
Speaker 1: sexuality is about how many women can we you know,
27:32
Speaker 1: sleep with exactly right, because we're hunters. Right, even one
27:38
Speaker 1: of those things has anything to do with our manhood.
27:41
Speaker 1: Our manhood is directly tied to our dedication to being
27:48
Speaker 1: a servant leader, serving the women and children in our lives.
27:53
Speaker 1: I talked about in the book how every man has
27:56
Speaker 1: to be the walking tree of his house and community
27:59
Speaker 1: because does a tree due a tree provides cover right
28:04
Speaker 1: from the harmful elements of the world. Right, a treat
28:07
Speaker 1: also gives us oxygen when we give it carbon uh
28:12
Speaker 1: uh the Knox side right, So So the poison that
28:17
Speaker 1: we uh that we give the tree, the tree gives
28:21
Speaker 1: us oxygen. So that's what a man is supposed to do.
28:24
Speaker 1: A man is supposed to allow us to breathe better. Right.
28:27
Speaker 1: A tree also gives us fruit. What is that? That
28:30
Speaker 1: is food? So a treat feeds us, a tree gives
28:33
Speaker 1: us shelter. The tree allows us to breathe better. That's
28:36
Speaker 1: the job of every man, for every woman and child
28:39
Speaker 1: in his life. So when I wrote that a man, uh,
28:44
Speaker 1: you know, could lead with his physicality because of our
28:48
Speaker 1: physical strength, but chooses to lead with his mentality, that
28:53
Speaker 1: left me in tears. I'll never forget it. I was
28:55
Speaker 1: sitting downstairs in my house righting that section, and that
28:58
Speaker 1: brought tears to my eyes. Why you think I brought
29:00
Speaker 1: it up? You know, I know you, you know, I
29:02
Speaker 1: know you of all that I brought that up, I said,
29:05
Speaker 1: I got to say this on this show and let
29:08
Speaker 1: him know that this meant something to me too. This
29:11
Speaker 1: meant something to me too. This is another statement from
29:14
Speaker 1: the book that meant something to me. You believe that
29:16
Speaker 1: a man who is truly successful is one with healthy
29:20
Speaker 1: and whole relationships h And that I attribute that statement
29:27
Speaker 1: to the to the journey you take us on in
29:29
Speaker 1: this book because of the fact you define the difference
29:32
Speaker 1: between male versus man, You define the difference between your
29:36
Speaker 1: your relationships as you get finally met Sally and you
29:39
Speaker 1: have a whole family and the responsibilities of of what
29:42
Speaker 1: they are you talking about your son when he was
29:45
Speaker 1: when he had a racial slur hit to him by
29:47
Speaker 1: his best friend Ben. The name was being in the
29:49
Speaker 1: book and how you you know, it reminded me of
29:52
Speaker 1: a situation with my wife and my daughter. When my
29:55
Speaker 1: daughter's being intimidated in her school. You know, my wife's
29:58
Speaker 1: she went up to the school. Was nothing happening fast
30:01
Speaker 1: enough for brother Roshawn, Okay, And so finally I had
30:04
Speaker 1: to go up there. You know, she thought I was
30:06
Speaker 1: gonna throw stuff against the walls and and go crazy.
30:09
Speaker 1: I did, just like you. I had a conversation with
30:12
Speaker 1: the teachers and educating them and let them know because see,
30:17
Speaker 1: it's all about the education and your demeanor. Place o't
30:19
Speaker 1: like that. This book is an educational book about life,
30:23
Speaker 1: about men and defining these these fallacies that we have,
30:27
Speaker 1: these physicality by being macho, by gotta break through a
30:31
Speaker 1: door instead of open the door. Gotta be gotta be
30:34
Speaker 1: a champion for the cause instead of a speaker for
30:36
Speaker 1: the moment. This is what this book is about, everybody,
30:40
Speaker 1: mail versus man. This is a book, man, I think
30:43
Speaker 1: it's to me, it's a defining moment and uh and
30:46
Speaker 1: and educating where we're at right now when you look
30:49
Speaker 1: at these young boards out in the streets, man walking
30:51
Speaker 1: down with those churchs angry. Man, they gotta read this
30:53
Speaker 1: book there because they do a lot of they're doing
30:55
Speaker 1: a lot of physical things when it should be mental,
30:59
Speaker 1: no question. And you know, it's so interesting. When I
31:02
Speaker 1: spoke earlier, I said, I think I'm misspoken to carbon monoxide, um,
31:07
Speaker 1: and meant to say carbon dioxide is what we breathe
31:10
Speaker 1: out when we breathe in our our our trees produce
31:15
Speaker 1: oxygen for us, and that that's what men are supposed
31:18
Speaker 1: to do. We spoke earlier about the Book of Lucas,
31:22
Speaker 1: right right, So in the Bible there there are a
31:28
Speaker 1: great many different books and so so in talking about
31:33
Speaker 1: this in male versus man, I said, you know what
31:37
Speaker 1: we we all know about the book the Five Love Languages,
31:43
Speaker 1: And I said, you know they're actually is um. There
31:47
Speaker 1: are five paying languages. And that's how I came up
31:52
Speaker 1: with quote unquote the Book of Lucas. Lucas is an
31:55
Speaker 1: acronym for l rusting you unforgivingness, see cursing, a angers sarcasm. Right,
32:08
Speaker 1: the five pain languages. Lusting is the passion of pain. Right,
32:14
Speaker 1: So all of these things about the pain languages, Lusting
32:17
Speaker 1: is the passion of pain. Right. So when we left
32:20
Speaker 1: after somebody where we're we're really moving after them, there's
32:25
Speaker 1: a passion for them, but it's because of our pain.
32:28
Speaker 1: It really doesn't have anything to do with love. Right.
32:32
Speaker 1: Unforgivingness is the memory of pain. If I remember something,
32:36
Speaker 1: then I'm not gonna forgive you because I remember the
32:39
Speaker 1: pain that it produced. So I can't forgive you, right,
32:43
Speaker 1: c it's cursing. That's the vocabulary of pain. Right. Whenever
32:48
Speaker 1: I speak, I used to always speak when I was
32:51
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, you know, uh, Curson was like the first language.
32:55
Speaker 1: That's really English was the first language. Right. But I
33:00
Speaker 1: and to realize that me cursing at my wife is
33:04
Speaker 1: never something that I should do because that is going
33:07
Speaker 1: to cause her great pain. Me cursing that my children,
33:11
Speaker 1: I should never do that as a man, that's going
33:13
Speaker 1: to cause them great pain. I began to realize that
33:16
Speaker 1: every time I curse at somebody, it only brings them pain.
33:20
Speaker 1: So that's when I realized that's the vocabulary pain. That's
33:23
Speaker 1: why I don't curse anymore. Right, Hey, it's for is anger.
33:28
Speaker 1: That's the emotion of pain. Whenever we feel pain and
33:33
Speaker 1: we get like hurt from that profound pain, anger shows
33:37
Speaker 1: up because that's the emotion that gets produced by it. Right.
33:41
Speaker 1: And then finally s is sarcasm. That's the humor of pain. Right.
33:47
Speaker 1: So when somebody says something sarcastic to you, they're being funny,
33:51
Speaker 1: but they say that sarcastic or make that sarcastic statement
33:56
Speaker 1: towards you because they are in pain, but they find
33:59
Speaker 1: a funny way of saying it or doing it. Right. So,
34:04
Speaker 1: those are the five pain languages. And lusting, unforgivingness, cursing, anger,
34:08
Speaker 1: and sarcasm and those things. When I began to examine
34:12
Speaker 1: all those things, man, they changed so much of my
34:17
Speaker 1: behavior because not very many people. People don't realize any
34:22
Speaker 1: of that, so they can't break that down for you. Right.
34:26
Speaker 1: So when I got to that, man, I sat there
34:29
Speaker 1: and I said, oh my gosh, bro, you just gave
34:32
Speaker 1: people a language to be able to recognize what behaviors
34:38
Speaker 1: they are walking out that cause other people pain from
34:43
Speaker 1: their own pain. It's like that saying hurt people hurt
34:46
Speaker 1: people when we hurt. These are the pain languages we
34:50
Speaker 1: used to hurt other people because we are hurt. I'm
34:54
Speaker 1: gonna tell you something, man, I know, I gotta wrap
34:57
Speaker 1: up here. I want to You have a You have
34:58
Speaker 1: a Male Versus Main and video series features Will Smith,
35:02
Speaker 1: Kevin Hard, Trevor Jackson. Tell us about that every Friday
35:06
Speaker 1: at ten am uh uh a Pacific Coast time, one
35:10
Speaker 1: am East Coast time. It's a new series, new setters
35:13
Speaker 1: of videos, Mail versus Man talk to us about that. Yeah.
35:18
Speaker 1: I produced this digital series along with my producing partners
35:24
Speaker 1: of the Black Love Team. Oh yes, that's my crew. Yeah,
35:30
Speaker 1: those are my people, Cody uh and Tommy Oliver. Um.
35:35
Speaker 1: Those are those are my people that are my producing
35:37
Speaker 1: partners on the digital series. And I came to them
35:42
Speaker 1: because I needed somebody to help me produce this. This
35:46
Speaker 1: this series of talks with men about their matriculation into
35:51
Speaker 1: manhoods Um. I knew that people needed to hear stories
35:57
Speaker 1: from people that they considered to be accomplished um men
36:03
Speaker 1: about how they went from going from maleness to manhood.
36:09
Speaker 1: And so my first conversation was with my brother Will Smith,
36:14
Speaker 1: and um it was extremely powerful. If you watch that
36:19
Speaker 1: uh talk, it really talks about the fact that everything
36:25
Speaker 1: that we've been told when we're younger, that it's going
36:29
Speaker 1: to make you feel great about being an accomplished man,
36:35
Speaker 1: in making money and doing the things that you do
36:39
Speaker 1: in your career, in sleeping with a bunch of women,
36:43
Speaker 1: none of them are going to sustain how you feel
36:48
Speaker 1: about yourself as a man. Most of those things we
36:51
Speaker 1: usually used as males to distract ourselves from the fact
36:57
Speaker 1: that we don't really know what our purpose on this
37:00
Speaker 1: earth is. So when Will talks about it, it really
37:06
Speaker 1: breaks it down. Like it's one thing for me to
37:08
Speaker 1: say it in my book, but when you hear powerful
37:11
Speaker 1: brothers like Will, like Deal Hugely, like Kevin Hart, like
37:16
Speaker 1: Trevor Jackson, like all of these brothers who have a
37:21
Speaker 1: powerful perspective about what that is and what it meant
37:24
Speaker 1: to evolve and to matriculate in the manhood, it really
37:29
Speaker 1: drives the point home. So this digital series is powerful.
37:32
Speaker 1: It's all my YouTube channel, which is the male versus
37:35
Speaker 1: man channel. Go check out all of the conversations. They're powerful, powerful,
37:40
Speaker 1: powerful stuff. You know. I'm gonna do that. I'm talking
37:43
Speaker 1: to deanre with fel I call him a friend. I
37:46
Speaker 1: call him now. He's as he's a he's a he's
37:50
Speaker 1: a minister, a minister of change. Here for us, I
37:53
Speaker 1: understand what being a man and being a male are
37:56
Speaker 1: two different things. It's a journey that we all need
37:58
Speaker 1: to take upon ourselves. The book, it's a great chapter
38:02
Speaker 1: and a happy wife, happy life. Love that chapter. God
38:05
Speaker 1: plus do equal successful life. You know. Man, you uh
38:10
Speaker 1: calm and chaos. I'm gonna tell you something, brother, thank
38:13
Speaker 1: you for us book man, Thank you, thank you for
38:16
Speaker 1: for showing up in Dallas. And that's creating a relationship.
38:20
Speaker 1: Uh the second time I've interviewed you on this show.
38:24
Speaker 1: Every time I talk to you, Mr whitt Phil, you know,
38:26
Speaker 1: because you're preaching, you preach it. When you preach it,
38:28
Speaker 1: I gotta call you, Mr Whittfield. You're blessing man. You're
38:32
Speaker 1: blessing brother. My family see me some banners so I
38:35
Speaker 1: can promote uh your YouTube channel on my on my
38:38
Speaker 1: on my brand and uh, but I love you, man,
38:41
Speaker 1: I really, really really do love you. Book Brooklyn Dre.
38:45
Speaker 1: I love Brooklyn dra I love it, I love it all.
38:49
Speaker 1: Don't change, man, don't change. Okay, man. I appreciate you, brother,
38:53
Speaker 1: than appreciate you more. Okay. Cool. If you want to
38:56
Speaker 1: hear more interviewers on Money Making Conversation, go to Money
38:58
Speaker 1: Making Conversation dot com. Roshan mcdom I'm your host. In
39:02
Speaker 1: this season of giving, Coals has gifts for all your
39:05
Speaker 1: loved ones. For those who like to keep it cozy,
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Speaker 1: find fleeces, sweaters, loungeware, blankets and throws. Or support minority
39:12
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