Latest / The Steve Harvey Morning Show / Rushion Interviews Mori Taheripour breaks negotiation myths in her new book "Bring Yourself!"

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Rushion Interviews Mori Taheripour breaks negotiation myths in her new book "Bring Yourself!" · The Steve Harvey Morning Show

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Money Making Conversation master Class, and I'm your
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Speaker 1: host with Sean McDonald. I want to hear from you today.
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Speaker 1: I really really do. I recognize that we all have
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Speaker 1: different definition of success. For you, it may be the
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Speaker 1: size of your paycheck. Mine has inspired you to accomplish
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Speaker 1: your goals and live your very best life. It's time
0:17
Speaker 1: to start reading other people's success stories and start writing
0:19
Speaker 1: your own. People always talking about purpose of gifts. You
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Speaker 1: read about it, You're hear about it on social media.
0:25
Speaker 1: Everybody's motivating you. If you have a gift, lead with
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Speaker 1: your gifts and don't let your friends, family, or coworkers
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Speaker 1: stop you from planning or living your dreams. My guests
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Speaker 1: is Murray to Harry Poor. Maury earned her BA from
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Speaker 1: Bernard College of Columbia UNI of Columbia University, her NBA
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Speaker 1: you know the degree I I just stopped to be
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Speaker 1: at from Warden School of the University of Pennsylvania, and
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Speaker 1: and a Diversity and Inclusion Certificate from Cornell University. She's
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Speaker 1: globally recognized negotiating expert, an award winning faculty member of
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Speaker 1: the Warden School, I highly sought after speaker, and the
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Speaker 1: author of Bring yourself, how to harness the power of connection,
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Speaker 1: to negotiate fearlessly. With more than twenty years of experience
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Speaker 1: and negotiation adversity and inclusion in sports business more as
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Speaker 1: impressive roster of clients includes Fortune one hundred companies, major
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Speaker 1: sports leagues, and leading charitable institutions and government agencies. Additionally,
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Speaker 1: Mori has m S and sees it as a gift
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Speaker 1: because in order to ward off symptoms, she makes sure
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Speaker 1: she lives a healthy lifestyle with a proper work life. Batman,
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Speaker 1: something I don't do at all. Please, welcome to money
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Speaker 1: making Conversation Math. But that somebody who will teach me
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Speaker 1: some things more to Harry Pool, hy don't worry. I
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Speaker 1: am doing really well. Thank you for having me. I
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Speaker 1: think he did some false advertising there, though, my friends
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Speaker 1: I did. I said nothing about work life balance, because
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Speaker 1: if that's what the interview is gonna be, your listeners
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Speaker 1: are gonna be so well. You know, you know what
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Speaker 1: I do. I'm chasing more. I'm a guy. I do
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Speaker 1: my research, I'll read, I'll go to website, double check,
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Speaker 1: I back check. I do what you see the word
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Speaker 1: work life balance? You know some were proper problem. It's
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Speaker 1: hard because balance is hard. I don't know balance really exists.
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Speaker 1: I think there are things that are important at one
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Speaker 1: time and other things that are important some other time.
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Speaker 1: And that's what I would tell you this. I'm a
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Speaker 1: I'm a person that I've gotten on that wheel, you know.
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Speaker 1: I remember I was early when I was managing Steve Harvey,
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Speaker 1: like in two thousand and two thousand and five. I
2:22
Speaker 1: was afraid to get off that wheel. So I had
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Speaker 1: no balance. I was afraid to go on vacation. And
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Speaker 1: I don't know why I was afraid to go on
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Speaker 1: vacation at all. It was just a fear. I think
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Speaker 1: that fear pushed me not to have that balance. And
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Speaker 1: and so when we talk about work life balance or
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Speaker 1: some type of balance in general, that's part of what
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Speaker 1: you teach as far as the negotiation has to be
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Speaker 1: a part of your personal life. Correct, Well, here's the thing.
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Speaker 1: And I think that's will you when I say this,
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Speaker 1: it will bring true to you because I love what
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Speaker 1: I do. I really do um And I think that
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Speaker 1: when you really enjoy what you do, work doesn't really
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Speaker 1: feel like work. And I travel, you know, God knows,
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Speaker 1: and we're back at it again. But the majority of
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Speaker 1: my my days. And you know, as I get older,
3:12
Speaker 1: the travel maybe wearing me out a little bit. But
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Speaker 1: I never feel like my soul never feels exhausted, right,
3:20
Speaker 1: and so I feel like that feeds me and that
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Speaker 1: brings me some balance. But but there are things that
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Speaker 1: I prioritize at different times, like if if I don't
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Speaker 1: feel well, then that that takes the priority, or my
3:31
Speaker 1: working out that takes a priority. But you know, it's
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Speaker 1: a constant. Life is. Life is different all the time, right,
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Speaker 1: So there's give and take, And I think we create
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Speaker 1: our own boundaries and we honor those boundaries, and I
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Speaker 1: truly believe that's how balances created, That's how balunces created.
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Speaker 1: In relationship, somebody needs something more at one time, others
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Speaker 1: needs something else at another time. We make concessions, right,
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Speaker 1: we're negotiating with ourselves all the time. But I think
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Speaker 1: you have to honor yourself, whatever that is. And and
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Speaker 1: I think that that's what balanced me to me that
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Speaker 1: you don't really you know more, when I go through
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Speaker 1: you're not negotiable, So you know what I mean? Absolutely,
4:05
Speaker 1: when I go through your bio, just education, academic success,
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Speaker 1: academic success, and you know you have a lot of worlds, athleticism,
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Speaker 1: you know, have musical genius? You know you have you
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Speaker 1: know when I when I look at you, what what?
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Speaker 1: What is your gift? Could I talk about gifts? I
4:24
Speaker 1: talk about you know, talents, you know before we get
4:27
Speaker 1: into what you're doing. Now, when did you realize that
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Speaker 1: this is where I can be? Uh, this is where
4:32
Speaker 1: I can really home my best level of blessings for
4:36
Speaker 1: my life. UM, I think it's become really clear to me.
4:41
Speaker 1: I think, Um, you know we talked about finding your purpose.
4:44
Speaker 1: I think, um, I'm most grateful for the opportunity to teach. Um,
4:50
Speaker 1: it's where I feel most authentically myself. UM. I like
4:56
Speaker 1: the opportunity to affects people, impact our lives, give them
5:01
Speaker 1: you make them feel more empowered. Um. And I grew
5:04
Speaker 1: up not knowing this, right. I never thought i'd teach.
5:07
Speaker 1: I never public speaking was not my thing. It's scared
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Speaker 1: really Oh absolutely, I'm an introvert though most people don't
5:16
Speaker 1: believe that. Um. But standing in front of people, Oh
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Speaker 1: my god, that scared me so. UM. My parents wanted
5:22
Speaker 1: me to be a doctor. Actually, correct, my dad did, so.
5:25
Speaker 1: I went through college as pre med. Um. Then what
5:29
Speaker 1: you know became an entrepreneur as a business school and
5:33
Speaker 1: when I was graduating Wharton, one of my professors actually
5:37
Speaker 1: I thought this is what I could do well and
5:39
Speaker 1: I thought he was crazy. And that was eighteen years ago, Sean. So, Um,
5:45
Speaker 1: you fall upon these things sometimes and then you realize
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Speaker 1: it's exactly where you were meant to be. Um. And
5:51
Speaker 1: is it a gift? It is, It's a blessing, Um.
5:55
Speaker 1: Every day. We'll be right back with more Money Making
5:58
Speaker 1: Conversations Master Class with Rushan McDonald. Now let's return to
6:04
Speaker 1: Money Making Conversations Masterclass with Rashan McDonald. You know it's
6:09
Speaker 1: really interesting, Um, you know because I mentioned that when
6:12
Speaker 1: you know that you're you, you're willing to say that
6:15
Speaker 1: you have a mask. And Le'm gonna tell you a
6:16
Speaker 1: personal story about me, is that you know, in I
6:20
Speaker 1: would diagnose with cancer. And you know I always tell people,
6:23
Speaker 1: I don't care who you are. Once they say cancer,
6:26
Speaker 1: it's just a it's just your mind just slows down
6:30
Speaker 1: and goes, Okay, did they say what I think they said?
6:34
Speaker 1: And your life flashed before your eyes and and and
6:39
Speaker 1: I found it very difficult to even let anybody know
6:42
Speaker 1: out of fear that I would lose job opportunities, people
6:45
Speaker 1: will treat me different. And and it took me. You know,
6:48
Speaker 1: I didn't even tell my family immediately, you know, they
6:51
Speaker 1: they I came on to go. I just it's just
6:53
Speaker 1: a visit. Just you know, it's all right, everything's good
6:55
Speaker 1: and uh and and so unfortunately I had the cancer.
6:59
Speaker 1: They when their surgery and UH came back said, you know,
7:03
Speaker 1: I do I take annual check us because there's no
7:05
Speaker 1: such thing as a cure for cancer. To speak, and
7:07
Speaker 1: now where there's a little bracelet right here, so when
7:10
Speaker 1: people ask me, uh, that looks nice, I always telling
7:14
Speaker 1: my story and naturally can tell about my cancer story.
7:17
Speaker 1: And I reasonly I tell them about my cancer story
7:19
Speaker 1: because I think there's a perception that when people have cancer,
7:22
Speaker 1: have an illness like that, they're supposed to look a
7:24
Speaker 1: certain way, act a certain way. They're supposed to be
7:27
Speaker 1: limited on their dreams and limited on their ability to
7:30
Speaker 1: achieve success. And so when I saw that, I wanted
7:33
Speaker 1: to share you my story because I feel that that's why,
7:37
Speaker 1: you know, I I wear this because I want I
7:39
Speaker 1: don't want to just like overtly just talk about it.
7:42
Speaker 1: But if you say something nice about me and it's
7:44
Speaker 1: and this this the story gonna come Mora, It's gonna
7:47
Speaker 1: come and so and it's gonna come with with with
7:50
Speaker 1: with pride, it's gonna come with happiness. It's gonna come
7:54
Speaker 1: with goals tied to it. It's gonna come with Uh.
7:58
Speaker 1: I'm talking about my future. I'm talking about how I'm
8:01
Speaker 1: going to continue to change the world. And when I
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Speaker 1: saw that, I went, wow, she's a member of my clue.
8:07
Speaker 1: I am. I am proudly so. But you know, I
8:10
Speaker 1: I the book was the first time people heard um.
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Speaker 1: Even a lot of people in my family never knew.
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Speaker 1: So UM, I guess I kept up a secret for
8:21
Speaker 1: a really long time and I decided to tell the world.
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Speaker 1: But it was very cathartic, it was very freeing. But
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Speaker 1: I also believe that, you know, what I just heard
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Speaker 1: from everything you said is that people sort of have
8:33
Speaker 1: to earn that. Um, that not everybody gets to have
8:36
Speaker 1: all of your story. But I also feel like you
8:39
Speaker 1: tell them when it's time, and UM, I forget I
8:45
Speaker 1: have them sometimes. To be honest with you, I mean,
8:47
Speaker 1: I take really really good care of myself, like I
8:50
Speaker 1: said earlier, prioritized my health. But you know, with I've
8:54
Speaker 1: asked a lot of people envision I did envisioned people
8:58
Speaker 1: and wheelchairs or know, and every MS shows up in
9:02
Speaker 1: different ways for different people. H And so you know,
9:07
Speaker 1: I thought that it was a really good thing for
9:09
Speaker 1: me to actually talk about it in my book because
9:12
Speaker 1: I wanted people to know that it does come in
9:14
Speaker 1: different forms. That you know, it's not like somebody's writing you,
9:19
Speaker 1: you know, a death sentence or something right that you're
9:21
Speaker 1: all of a sudden a victim to this thing. Some
9:23
Speaker 1: people are deeply affected to other others you know sort
9:26
Speaker 1: of have um have sort of the the recurrence of
9:31
Speaker 1: this disease shows up in different ways, right, and so
9:35
Speaker 1: their relapses and it's different. It's and I chose to
9:42
Speaker 1: say it and tell it what I did because I
9:44
Speaker 1: thought people needed to hear it and and just see
9:47
Speaker 1: sort of the light and the hope UM and the
9:50
Speaker 1: problemise that this doesn't mean there's an end or that
9:54
Speaker 1: you can't envision completely healthy and happy life for yourself.
9:59
Speaker 1: A looting, you know. I say that when I when
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Speaker 1: I speak about when I'm looking at you, you an
10:04
Speaker 1: attractive person, you know, articular person. You're a successful person.
10:08
Speaker 1: And and I'm not saying I I I lived this
10:12
Speaker 1: life of of acknowledging that I have cancer. But I
10:15
Speaker 1: just think people need to know. Yeah, I just think
10:18
Speaker 1: people need to understand that don't let grief, don't let
10:21
Speaker 1: sadness dominate your dreams. And so, like I said, I'm
10:26
Speaker 1: not gonna stay on this, but I commend you. I'm
10:29
Speaker 1: proud of you because of the fact that you know
10:33
Speaker 1: to admit it, because in some ways people will see
10:35
Speaker 1: that as a flaw, people to see that as something
10:37
Speaker 1: that you should keep to yourself. Don't anybody know people
10:41
Speaker 1: feel sorry for you. I don't think nobody feels sorry
10:43
Speaker 1: for me. More I realized they have time for me
10:47
Speaker 1: because I know I'm on that train and I'm aware
10:49
Speaker 1: motivated people. I'm keeping people abreast and more important to
10:52
Speaker 1: bring fantastic people like you into my life and tell
10:55
Speaker 1: the world that gets what it's all good. But people
10:58
Speaker 1: do feel sorry for your but feel like you're a
11:00
Speaker 1: victim of and but people also know how hard I
11:04
Speaker 1: work and that I'm relentless. Nothing stops me, So to
11:07
Speaker 1: see that actually as a part of the story, right,
11:10
Speaker 1: that nothing holds you back. So um, yeah, I was,
11:13
Speaker 1: I'm I'm it was maybe one of the best things
11:16
Speaker 1: that I know. That sounds really cliche, but it's one
11:18
Speaker 1: of the best things that happened to me because it
11:20
Speaker 1: made me actually prioritize my health more. Um. But other
11:24
Speaker 1: than that, I'm I'm I feel empowered to make decisions
11:29
Speaker 1: because of it, and I feel really proud actually that
11:33
Speaker 1: that I can live a healthy life and do all
11:36
Speaker 1: that I do, and I'm grateful for that. But it's
11:38
Speaker 1: a different vision to your point that people can see
11:42
Speaker 1: absolutely speak memory to her poor she's the author of
11:45
Speaker 1: the book Bring Yourself, How to harness the power of
11:48
Speaker 1: connection to negotiate fearlessly. Before we get into the book Liberal,
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Speaker 1: When you say diversity and Inclusion certificate from Cornell University,
11:56
Speaker 1: I know you know, um, you know the George Floyd's situation.
12:01
Speaker 1: You know that that diversity and inclusion has always been around,
12:06
Speaker 1: but then it came to the forefront of company and
12:08
Speaker 1: HBC used trying to make sure he had diversity. Diversity
12:12
Speaker 1: hit Hollywood. Hollywood made some fantasy series House of the
12:17
Speaker 1: House of the Dragon and a Lord of the Rings,
12:20
Speaker 1: and people got mad, is will be white, they black,
12:22
Speaker 1: they will be white, they Hispanic? Oh my god. The
12:25
Speaker 1: diversity is killing us. But you at the forefront talking
12:30
Speaker 1: from to me, when you said diversity and inclusion, what
12:33
Speaker 1: does that mean? And why do you need to anything
12:36
Speaker 1: recognized as an expert? Because that's what I'm assuming the
12:38
Speaker 1: significant is UM. So part of the reason why I
12:42
Speaker 1: wanted to do it is because it was the pandemic
12:45
Speaker 1: and I thought, you know, so much of a part
12:48
Speaker 1: of my career had been in diversity inclusion. And when
12:51
Speaker 1: I started it was really from a communications perspective, UM
12:55
Speaker 1: the work that I was doing in public health and
12:58
Speaker 1: you know, the majority or almost all of UM the
13:02
Speaker 1: work that I was doing was focused in black communities,
13:05
Speaker 1: with people of color communities. I worked with early on
13:09
Speaker 1: UM while I was still in college, actually in Sickle
13:11
Speaker 1: Cell and then HIV eight and I lived in Oakland, California,
13:16
Speaker 1: and did UM the majority of my my work very
13:20
Speaker 1: again very early in my career in So East and
13:23
Speaker 1: West Oakland and UM. So when I when I hear
13:28
Speaker 1: diversity and inclusion, it was the lack thereof lack of
13:32
Speaker 1: access to UM and that was sort of that's that's
13:37
Speaker 1: really all that I wanted to do, was create equality,
13:40
Speaker 1: equality to access. I thought, in a country that's this
13:43
Speaker 1: wealthy and has this many opportunities that people should not
13:46
Speaker 1: be left out of, something like healthcare, which is a
13:50
Speaker 1: human right. So that was I don't want to date
13:54
Speaker 1: myself here. That was let me just say a long,
13:56
Speaker 1: long time ago in the nineties, okay, if you if
14:00
Speaker 1: you dated yourself, they say, Okay, really you're lying. You
14:05
Speaker 1: look too good. Okay, So so stop all that conversation,
14:10
Speaker 1: stop all that. The reality is that you are unique talent.
14:14
Speaker 1: And so even though you say you're introvert, and then
14:17
Speaker 1: your book, you know, impact me, bring yourself how to
14:20
Speaker 1: harness the power of connection, negotiate fiercely. You know when
14:23
Speaker 1: I was off and I told you you had me
14:25
Speaker 1: and know your value. You had me there And because
14:29
Speaker 1: of so many people don't know they're very but they complain.
14:32
Speaker 1: They complain about their job, they complain about their and
14:35
Speaker 1: my whole thing. I always taking a little bit further.
14:38
Speaker 1: I always said that the value in your relationship, your value,
14:41
Speaker 1: and your your kids. So many people just kind of
14:44
Speaker 1: like when they're starting negotiating their life, they kind of
14:47
Speaker 1: like make it all about money. They all about that job.
14:52
Speaker 1: But I love you, said, you negotiated a whole the time,
14:57
Speaker 1: and so you were just hidding you would like home run,
15:00
Speaker 1: home run, Tikebark, home run, tikmark Tickbark. So let's let's
15:03
Speaker 1: start with know your Value, and we're gonna talk in
15:07
Speaker 1: general because I want people to buy this book because
15:09
Speaker 1: it it's such a I would say, we're a fresher
15:12
Speaker 1: course with me because I learned some other things in
15:14
Speaker 1: it that I didn't know that I think will make
15:16
Speaker 1: me a better person, and like not just a person
15:18
Speaker 1: to employer, but this is a better person in general,
15:20
Speaker 1: because I think that education is very key and knowledge
15:24
Speaker 1: that you don't know is even more important. But first,
15:26
Speaker 1: let's talk about why you wrote this book. I wrote
15:32
Speaker 1: this book because of number of ways, a number of things.
15:34
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of myths out there, um
15:37
Speaker 1: about negotiations, Right, people think of negotiations as being they
15:40
Speaker 1: associated with conflict. They've had really bad experiences, divorces, bad breakups, um,
15:46
Speaker 1: you know, bad business deals, and so what they associate
15:49
Speaker 1: with negotiations are all those the pain, the scars, you know,
15:52
Speaker 1: and and therefore they're either afraid of it, they have
15:56
Speaker 1: anxiety around it, they don't think they're good at it.
15:59
Speaker 1: But the truth is just such a small slither of
16:02
Speaker 1: what I think negotiations really is, which is I would
16:04
Speaker 1: say it's like the soundtrack of our lives. We do
16:06
Speaker 1: it all the time, from the moment we get up
16:08
Speaker 1: in the morning to a moment when we go to
16:10
Speaker 1: sleep at night. Right, we're negotiating everything with ourselves, with
16:12
Speaker 1: our pets, with our spouses, you know, at work. Right. So,
16:18
Speaker 1: um that the minute. Actually what's magical is that the
16:22
Speaker 1: minute I share that with people and ask them to
16:24
Speaker 1: think about negotiations, just reimagine it. Um, they almost immediately
16:29
Speaker 1: with Jean, feel more comfortable and more empowered because they
16:33
Speaker 1: realize that if this is something I do every day
16:36
Speaker 1: and all day, I can't be bad at it. Maybe
16:39
Speaker 1: there are things that I don't like and those situations
16:41
Speaker 1: that I don't feel comfortable, but this is a part
16:44
Speaker 1: of what my every day is. And so most people
16:47
Speaker 1: are actually much better negotiations that they give themselves credit for. Right.
16:51
Speaker 1: So that was one thing I wanted to communicate and
16:53
Speaker 1: make it more accessible to people. The second is that,
16:56
Speaker 1: again there's a lot of myths about what a good
16:58
Speaker 1: negotiator looks like. Cry and somebody who's aggressive and in
17:01
Speaker 1: your face and and um, so that the more open
17:08
Speaker 1: to conflict in a lot of ways, or they're actually
17:10
Speaker 1: people conflict. Um. But that's not true either, right if
17:14
Speaker 1: you look at sort of historical data and the people
17:17
Speaker 1: that we've seen, um, you know, from from real aggressive types,
17:22
Speaker 1: whether it's in politics, whether it's in movies, to to
17:25
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And then all the way too, I
17:27
Speaker 1: would say, somebody like a Nelson Mandela, can you have
17:30
Speaker 1: a better negotiator? Right? And so he lad with empathy
17:33
Speaker 1: and curiosity and like a true gentleman. And so when
17:38
Speaker 1: you see those those vast differences, what it tells us
17:42
Speaker 1: is that and everything in between, that anybody can be
17:44
Speaker 1: a good negotiator. Right there. There's no one kind of
17:47
Speaker 1: great negotiator. The truth is that you just really have
17:51
Speaker 1: to be authentic to who you are and honor your values,
17:54
Speaker 1: honor honor the decisions that you make, have to reflect
17:58
Speaker 1: the things that are most important to you, because if
18:00
Speaker 1: negotiate those things away, then you have nothing um. And
18:03
Speaker 1: and so that's the that's the crux of it. I
18:07
Speaker 1: wanted to make this an opportunity for people to think
18:10
Speaker 1: about this differently because it's so important. And then there
18:13
Speaker 1: are so many things that come out of that right
18:15
Speaker 1: that that I think is most important is not knowing
18:18
Speaker 1: strategy necessarily what I think is most important, and you know,
18:21
Speaker 1: you know I talked about this is at the end
18:23
Speaker 1: of the day, you have to know your value. If
18:26
Speaker 1: you don't understand your worth, you will never be a
18:29
Speaker 1: good negotiator. And that's the God's honest truth. That's that
18:32
Speaker 1: black and white. Because if you understand your worth, right,
18:37
Speaker 1: if you quiet that like inner critic, right, the way
18:40
Speaker 1: we talk to ourselves and the self punishment almost if
18:44
Speaker 1: you change that and you understand your worth and your value,
18:48
Speaker 1: then the kinds of goals that you set for yourself
18:51
Speaker 1: are so much bigger. Right. They're aspirational, they're limitless. You
18:54
Speaker 1: don't live a life of scarcity. You you look too abundance, right,
18:58
Speaker 1: and so your goals are rigger. And then when your
19:00
Speaker 1: goals are bigger than you're asking for more, right, because
19:02
Speaker 1: you want more, you feel like you deserve more. And
19:05
Speaker 1: so when you ask for more than research and here's
19:08
Speaker 1: the academic part of it, the research tells us that
19:10
Speaker 1: the people who think that way and think as pernially
19:14
Speaker 1: have this sort of mindset of abundance, they actually do
19:18
Speaker 1: better in negotiations than the people that don't. So it's
19:21
Speaker 1: directly correlated to how you perceive yourself and what value
19:26
Speaker 1: you give yourself. Right, the way you talk to yourself
19:29
Speaker 1: is so important. We'll be right back with more Money
19:31
Speaker 1: Making Conversations Masterclass with Rushan McDonald. Now, let's return to
19:38
Speaker 1: Money Making Conversations Masterclass with Rushan McDonald. You know one
19:43
Speaker 1: thing I when I looked at the title the word
19:46
Speaker 1: I was, I stayed, don't bring yourself in the era
19:49
Speaker 1: of authenticity, be an organic the reality of what you're saying.
19:55
Speaker 1: Just in those two words, it's about you. How do
19:58
Speaker 1: you your perception yourself, how you present yourself, and how
20:02
Speaker 1: you negotiate the opportunity? And I would I would tell
20:05
Speaker 1: my fans. You know, the word negotiate is such an
20:09
Speaker 1: everyday part of life. When you're getting up in the morning,
20:11
Speaker 1: sometimes you want to negotiate a few more minutes. When
20:14
Speaker 1: you're looking at if you got a snooze button, that's
20:15
Speaker 1: negotiating a few more moneys in the bed. If you're
20:18
Speaker 1: a parent, you're always negotiating with your kids. You're all
20:21
Speaker 1: that's what parenting is. Can you do this? Can you
20:24
Speaker 1: do this? Would you take the trash out, and when
20:26
Speaker 1: they don't take the trash out, how you react to that.
20:29
Speaker 1: That's a negotiation. And so it's just my whole goal
20:32
Speaker 1: was just to take a word that sometimes people have
20:36
Speaker 1: out there's pushed it way over here and say, that's
20:38
Speaker 1: for that thought process. I thought you just normalized it,
20:42
Speaker 1: and I just wanted to crystallize it with some more
20:44
Speaker 1: TONEA is to say, you wake up negotiating. We negotiating restaurants,
20:49
Speaker 1: You negotiate service, You negotiate your time standing in line
20:52
Speaker 1: and restaurant sometimes restaurants at forty five minutes fifteen minute work.
20:55
Speaker 1: You negotiate right there, do I feel like standing in
20:58
Speaker 1: line that long? And so and so with that being said,
21:01
Speaker 1: bring yourself was important to me, and the harness and
21:04
Speaker 1: the power is like you said, the ability to look
21:07
Speaker 1: your book to me was transformative in the sense to
21:11
Speaker 1: say step up. It was like stepping up and if
21:14
Speaker 1: you step up, being you. Because we always hear people
21:17
Speaker 1: always talk about you know that that person's uh, that
21:21
Speaker 1: person can talk, or that person is manipulative, and that
21:24
Speaker 1: person you know he won't take no for an answer.
21:27
Speaker 1: That's not a flaw, that's not a negative that's just
21:30
Speaker 1: a that's a person who understands their value. They understands
21:34
Speaker 1: that I want I want to get this and it
21:35
Speaker 1: means something important to me. Did that My takeaway from
21:38
Speaker 1: the book is it was was that the right tonage? Yeah?
21:41
Speaker 1: I mean it's inherently where you ended right that that
21:45
Speaker 1: when you value yourself again, that's that's the bottom line,
21:50
Speaker 1: that's everything, right. Um. And the reason why I sort
21:54
Speaker 1: of the title is bring Yourself is because I feel
21:57
Speaker 1: like we live in a world that expects us to
21:59
Speaker 1: be something different all the time, that we have to
22:03
Speaker 1: subscribe to what society wants us to be right, and
22:05
Speaker 1: then the minute sort of that challenges what those those
22:10
Speaker 1: beliefs are, then we're criticized, then we're fired, then we're
22:13
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And so I just think that there's
22:17
Speaker 1: so much science and research out there that says, actually,
22:21
Speaker 1: that's not what you have to do. You don't have
22:24
Speaker 1: to try to be something that you're not. You don't
22:26
Speaker 1: have to pretend to be something that doesn't feel comfortable.
22:28
Speaker 1: What you have to do is get out of your
22:31
Speaker 1: own way, right and and and deal with the things
22:34
Speaker 1: that again, the pain, right, the grief that we hold
22:39
Speaker 1: in our hearts right, the the terrible experiences that you've had,
22:44
Speaker 1: you got to clean that up, right. You gotta do
22:46
Speaker 1: some emotional hygiene and and work on that. And once
22:50
Speaker 1: you do that, and you understand that your scars and
22:54
Speaker 1: you're hurt and the pain and maybe some failures don't
22:58
Speaker 1: mean you're a lesser person. And fact, maybe you're even
23:01
Speaker 1: a better person because you've persevered and you've gotten through
23:04
Speaker 1: those things. So if you change that narrative, then everything changes,
23:07
Speaker 1: starting from the outcomes that you get right, the things
23:10
Speaker 1: that you seek in life will be more positive, will
23:13
Speaker 1: be more aspirational. And that's sort of the blending of
23:16
Speaker 1: the I'm not a real star like the the real
23:20
Speaker 1: academic academic person. I've done a lot of researchers around negotiations,
23:26
Speaker 1: but where I really enjoy it is when I can
23:30
Speaker 1: link sort of practice with the academic research, because I
23:36
Speaker 1: don't want to have people think, oh, she's just telling
23:38
Speaker 1: us that that's she's been nice. Know that this is supported.
23:42
Speaker 1: There is there is data that says if you feel
23:44
Speaker 1: this way about yourself, then you will get better things
23:47
Speaker 1: in life. And that's just the way it is. It's
23:50
Speaker 1: beautiful speaking to more to Harry Poor. Her mission is
23:54
Speaker 1: to bring the power respect, kindness, and empathy to all,
23:57
Speaker 1: especially to youth, so they are empowered to make their
24:00
Speaker 1: better decision or make better decision life for lasting wins.
24:04
Speaker 1: What is a win, Marie, It's a It's funny. I
24:09
Speaker 1: never use win or lose in my classes, all right.
24:12
Speaker 1: I never use those words because I think that it
24:14
Speaker 1: needs so many different things to different people, especially sports,
24:17
Speaker 1: And when you lose athletics, you definitely means something. You
24:20
Speaker 1: have an athletic association. Yeah, but it's like it's like,
24:24
Speaker 1: you know, it's a because in athletics it's a lot
24:27
Speaker 1: more sort of black and white, right, right, And the
24:30
Speaker 1: matters of the heart and relationships and negotiations. The only
24:36
Speaker 1: thing that actually determines, I think what a quote unquote
24:39
Speaker 1: win is is how you feel about it when it's
24:42
Speaker 1: all done right? Can are you? Can you look in
24:44
Speaker 1: the mirror and say I'm happy with myself? Can you?
24:48
Speaker 1: And for me, what's most important is that not only
24:51
Speaker 1: have I done well, but the person sitting across the
24:53
Speaker 1: table from me has it feels good too. Because I'm
24:56
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur at heart, right, So I don't want to
24:58
Speaker 1: do business with you just this one time it right
25:00
Speaker 1: and get all that I can get, and then you
25:02
Speaker 1: walk away feeling like you've I've taken advantage of you.
25:05
Speaker 1: It's really important to me that this feels like a
25:07
Speaker 1: partnership because then I feel like that's gonna be business
25:10
Speaker 1: for life, right, that's business and perpetuity. So for me,
25:13
Speaker 1: that's a win. For other people it might be no, no, no, what.
25:17
Speaker 1: I don't really care what the other person gets. I
25:18
Speaker 1: want to get all that I can get, right. So
25:21
Speaker 1: it's it's not to be judgmental. It's to say, have
25:24
Speaker 1: clarity around what those things mean to you, and and
25:26
Speaker 1: don't always think that more is better. Sometimes enough is perfect.
25:31
Speaker 1: Bring yourself I could. I'm gonna give you a compliment more,
25:34
Speaker 1: you know, shore you get a lot of complies, you
25:36
Speaker 1: got a lot of awards. Um. I could talk to
25:39
Speaker 1: you forever. You just you you. Um. It's something unique
25:43
Speaker 1: about your tone. It's something I don't I don't fear
25:47
Speaker 1: any conversation that would have with you. Um, that's a
25:50
Speaker 1: gift I have to assume because I don't say that
25:52
Speaker 1: interview a lot of people. That happen that talk to
25:55
Speaker 1: a lot of people. So I might want to just
25:56
Speaker 1: in those interviews that five minutes instead of trying to
25:58
Speaker 1: get them to twenty five. But the one quality that
26:01
Speaker 1: I see in you, that's a that's an honesty. And
26:05
Speaker 1: I think when I when I when I was reading
26:07
Speaker 1: through the book, I interviewing the different students and getting
26:11
Speaker 1: their stories and laying it on in the in the book,
26:14
Speaker 1: that how you've been recognized as a teacher, uh, for
26:17
Speaker 1: your excellence being able to convey a thought and share
26:21
Speaker 1: and be because when you teach, you have to accept
26:23
Speaker 1: criticism because we are all perfect teachers. And honestly, I'm
26:27
Speaker 1: talking about that I think is a is a ring
26:30
Speaker 1: of truth when I say it out loud. Where does
26:33
Speaker 1: that come from? Um? I think I've lived the way
26:40
Speaker 1: I've been raised, and my life has been sort of
26:42
Speaker 1: in judgment, to be honest with you, and UM, so
26:48
Speaker 1: just that notion of judging people, UM is one that
26:54
Speaker 1: I just can't do because I've been on the receiving
26:58
Speaker 1: end of it. And so you know, my classes particularly
27:02
Speaker 1: are are a really safe environment. My students bear their
27:07
Speaker 1: hearts and you know, you can find us crying at
27:09
Speaker 1: any given class. And I say us because I'm shedding
27:12
Speaker 1: tears too, but it's the notion that you can be
27:18
Speaker 1: exactly who you are and it actually doesn't matter if
27:22
Speaker 1: people judge you. The most important thing is freeing yourself
27:27
Speaker 1: of your own personal judgment. And so I think a
27:29
Speaker 1: lot of what you get, what hopefully people get, is
27:34
Speaker 1: is just that is the is the acceptance I accept
27:37
Speaker 1: people for exactly who they are. I I think, um,
27:41
Speaker 1: we don't do that enough. I think kindness is is
27:47
Speaker 1: is not as sort of prevailing in our relationships and
27:50
Speaker 1: and and interactions dailies. It should be. I think at
27:52
Speaker 1: the end of the day, respect and kindness will get
27:56
Speaker 1: you further than anything else. Um. And I just I
28:00
Speaker 1: want to convey that. I'm also you know, I pick
28:03
Speaker 1: up on people's spirit. I walk into a classroom, I
28:05
Speaker 1: know what my students don't feel right. I know if
28:08
Speaker 1: if they're sad. I know that's my job. But I'm
28:11
Speaker 1: plugged into it and I consider that a gift. Um.
28:15
Speaker 1: But it's a It's like, I don't I don't want
28:17
Speaker 1: to judge. I just want to accept and I hope
28:19
Speaker 1: that people do that for me as well. Wow, I'm
28:24
Speaker 1: not judging. I'm accepted by accepting the we're having a conversation,
28:29
Speaker 1: a conversation. So if one day you see this DAP
28:33
Speaker 1: or African American man just sitting in your class, to go,
28:36
Speaker 1: who is that guy? He's that one one. It's gonna
28:38
Speaker 1: be me reached mcgunna see it if you for real,
28:41
Speaker 1: well on this show, she definitely is for real bring
28:43
Speaker 1: yourself how to harness the power connection to negotiate fears.
28:47
Speaker 1: And you're special and I want to you know, like
28:49
Speaker 1: I said, you were brought to me out of the radars.
28:51
Speaker 1: Some of us aid, reached on you got to speak
28:52
Speaker 1: to her. She's unique, she's uh, she's changing the world.
28:56
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you I'm a fan and I
28:59
Speaker 1: would do Please tell them send me my links, your
29:01
Speaker 1: links so I can put them in my newsletter, so
29:03
Speaker 1: I can put it on my social media. So this
29:06
Speaker 1: is our level one to day I want to share. Okay,
29:08
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm a fan, so I appreciate you. Thank you,
29:11
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming to money making conversation. Maur say
29:14
Speaker 1: blasted all right, thank you as well.