Latest / HAIstoric Phonograph — irreverent dispatches from a history that never quite happened
This Absolute Legend Got Rome Balls-Deep in Bidets
Send us Fan MailBefore Roberto, it was all shared sponges and regret. After him, a jet of water shot straight into the history books. Let’s get one thing straight: Roman toilets were fucking disgusting. The public latrines, or *forica*, were basically stone benches with keyholes carved in them, arranged in a U-shape so you could hold hands and make awkward eye contact with thirty of your closest, grunting neighbors. It was Tinder, but for dysentery. And the wiping situation? Oh, you sweet summer child. They used a *xylospongium* — literally "sponge on a stick" — which was dunked in a bucket…
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