Latest / ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿 / 💆‍♀️Self-Care Series: Toxic Energy ☣️

Transcript

💆‍♀️Self-Care Series: Toxic Energy ☣️ · ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿

• 0:00
  Hello, my love lies, and welcome back to another episode of
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  Aligned and Thriving for Teachers.
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  Although I have to say, today's episode isn't just for teachers.
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  This one is really for anyone who's ever felt completely
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  drained after a conversation, overwhelmed by someone else's
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  mood, or like they're constantly carrying energy that's not even
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  theirs. Yep, we're talking about toxic
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  energy. Now before you roll your eyes or
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  picture some woo woo sage burning situation, stay with me.
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  This is practical real life stuff that I've had to learn and
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  live through, especially during my coaching certification.
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  So what I've discovered about my energy, mindset, identity and
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  behaviour have literally changed how I show up in every area of
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  my of my life. So let's dive in.
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  What is toxic energy? Really?
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  Toxic energy is basically unhealed energy.
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  When someone's operating from pain, stress, resentment,
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  trauma, or just emotional wounds that they haven't dealt with,
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  that stuff leaks out. It becomes the energy that they
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  transmit through their words, their tone, and sometimes just
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  even their presence. But here's the thing I want to
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  be really super clear on. A toxic person is not the same
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  as a bad person. They're just someone carrying
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  some really unhealed stuff, and we all do that sometimes.
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  You could be someone's hero and also someone else's villain.
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  I've had people in my life that I've looked up to when I've had
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  others that couldn't stand them. And why?
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  Because people have had different experiences of us
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  depending on where we're at in certain aspects of our lives.
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  So it's not about judgement, it's about awareness, awareness
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  of what you're absorbing and what you're giving off to.
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  So where does toxic energy really come from?
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  Can come from people going through their own toxic
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  experiences and then it sort of feeds off them.
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  It can come from spending too much time listening or engaging
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  with toxic people. It can be coming from constant
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  complaining, negativity, or just judgmental environments.
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  And it can come from us when we're stuck in that loop of
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  gossip, blame or burnout. The truth is, if you're
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  surrounded by toxic energy long enough, or if you're holding on
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  to some unhealed emotions, you will start releasing it too.
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  But here's the powerful part. You don't have to take it on.
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  You can learn to recognise it, release it and protect yourself
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  from it. So here's some signs that you
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  might be in some toxic energy or you're carrying it.
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  You might feel drained after certain conversations.
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  You notice you're constantly venting, complaining or blaming.
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  You feel like you're walking on egg shells around someone in
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  particular. You catch yourself spiralling
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  over things you can't control, and you're reacting more than
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  you're responding. And here's the big one.
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  If you're saying some things over and over and nothing
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  changes, it might be the time to pause and check in on your own
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  energy. So there's a few signs that's
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  not all of them, but that's just a few things that might point
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  out to you that you're sitting in that toxic energy space.
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  Now I want to talk to you about a concept that's really changed
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  the game for me, and that's mindset to identity to
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  behaviour. You have to shift your mindset
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  first. Then over time that new mindset
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  becomes part of your identity and then what happens?
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  Well, your behaviour naturally flows on from that.
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  It's like how we teach kids, the first do this, then you get
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  that. You don't get a student to write
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  an essay or write something a massive story before they know
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  how to write a sentence, do you? It's the same thing here.
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  You can't expect to set yourself strong boundaries or protect
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  your peace if your mindset is still stuck in that people
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  pleasing guilt or survival type mode.
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  So for me, I had to start seeing myself as someone who protects
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  her energy. That's my identity now.
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  And because of that, my behaviour has shifted.
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  I prioritise my morning routines.
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  I go for a walk on the beach when I can.
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  I say no without an apology because that's who I am now.
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  I don't have to stand up for that.
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  I mean, like, yes, I'm standing up for myself, but I don't have
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  to justify that to anyone else, I should say, because that's me.
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  And remember, you come first. Which leads me into my next
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  point, which is another mindset model that I am working on and
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  trying my best to be better at, which is the I, We O OK, We also
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  do this in our teaching. I do, we do, you do.
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  That's pretty much the same thing.
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  But this is I, we O. You have to start with yourself.
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  And if you haven't got that over the past few episodes of self
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  care, you really need to start getting that message.
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  It starts with you. You can't care for your
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  students, your partner, your family, your team if you haven't
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  checked in with yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty
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  cup. But so many of us do.
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  And we flip the script and we go all we, I we focus on everyone.
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  We focus on the group, the class.
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  Then we worry about ourselves. We're taking care of everyone
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  else. The school, the house, the
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  inbox. Then maybe, maybe you just find
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  yourself 5 minutes at the end of the day to collapse on the
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  couch. And that is where burnout lives.
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  That's where resentment grows. That is where toxic energy
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  builds and thrives because you are operating from a place of
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  absolute depletion. There's nothing there.
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  So for me, I know I am not my best self.
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  If I do not do my morning routine, if I screw, if I skip
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  my breathwork, if I don't walk on the beach, I get snappy and
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  I'm not just carrying that toxic energy.
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  I then start passing it on. And if you're a parent, you'll
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  see this reflected in your kids instantly.
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  Because if you start throwing off those negative vibes, that
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  toxic energy, they will thrive on it and they will poke and
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  prod and set off every button imaginable just because they've
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  started to get that energy too. And that's the easiest way to
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  prove to you all that toxic energy spreads.
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  It's like a virus. It will go viral.
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  Like I want this podcast to, I want this to go viral, but I do
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  not want your toxic energy to be spread along to everyone else.
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  So let yourself come first. I first, then we together, then
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  everyone. That's when the magic happens.
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  So how are you going to release this toxic energy?
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  So what do you do when you're carrying it?
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  I've got some practical ways to help you release it.
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  So I've learned a lot, as I said, through my coaching
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  course. But to help you a bit more,
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  there are a few things that you can do to help release it in a
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  Safeway where you're not releasing it onto others.
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  The first one's movement. So this is like your sport for
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  me. I play hockey.
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  Like I've said before, you might go for a walk, you might dance,
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  you might shake, you might punch a pillow.
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  If you want to get your vibe back to a really high vibe
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  state, this is the car karaoke, singing your heart out to
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  whatever song it might be. And there are some really good
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  car karaoke playlists on Spotify if you just search.
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  You can find yourself one that fits your era and sing your
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  heart out. This will get you back into the
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  high vibe state. If you're not a singer, maybe
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  you're a dancer. Dance around your kitchen, put
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  on a song and dance. You ask my children, they love
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  rocking out and having a bit of a dance moment and it just puts
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  everyone's vibe back in that positive state.
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  So you might do one of those things when it comes to
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  movement. It might be a ceremonial type
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  thing. You might write down all of your
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  frustrations and then you could burn it or RIP it up.
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  And when I say burn it, please do it safely.
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  Like do it in the sink. We can put it out or do it
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  outside in your incinerator, whatever it might be.
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  And yes, I've done this before. I have written down everything
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  bad that happened to me in a year because I was over that
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  year and I wanted to be wiped clean of it.
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  So I got it all out, Bits of paper, I think there's about 10
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  pages. Got it all done.
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  And then when we lit a massive bonfire, I basically said
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  goodbye to all of that negative energy and I burnt it.
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  Like that's all it needs to be. You might do breath work now.
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  This helps to really slow down your nervous system and regulate
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  yourself. And it doesn't have to be hard.
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  I've talked to you about this before.
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  It is just focusing on your breath because what you take in
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  then goes out. You can imagine in your head
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  that you are breathing in positive energy and you are
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  breathing out all of those toxic emotions.
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  OK, so if you need to practise, it's just like this.
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  You breathe in for four, all that positive.
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  So you go in, hold, and then as you breathe out, that would be
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  releasing all of that toxic energy.
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  When you would do that and slow yourself down, you can start out
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  with five, maybe go up to 10 times, and then you've reset
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  your nervous system and you're releasing some of that energy.
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  You might also do some anger work.
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  This is safe release. This is if you've ever gone to
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  Melbourne and chucked axes or broken plates, like all those
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  fun things. If you find those fun activities
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  to do in the holidays, that might be a good way to do it
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  because you're not taking your anger out on someone else.
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  You might also choose to journal, which again, that's
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  part of my routine. I journal and you can get rid of
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  some of the stuff that you're holding on to.
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  So what are you really holding on to here and release it?
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  I did create some journaling prompts and things for teachers
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  by teachers, So if you have a look there, that will help you
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  there as well. And then last but not least is
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  mindfulness. So coming back into your body
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  and the present moment and focusing on all of those good
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  things, you might find a really good mindfulness clip on YouTube
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  or again, Smiling Mind or another mindfulness app that you
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  might like to use for that. You just need to find what works
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  for you. For me, as I've said before, I
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  love movement, my breath work, my journaling, my mindfulness.
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  There's a whole bunch that I do. It's not just one, it just
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  depends on the day. But I will always do my
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  journaling of a night and I'll always work on my breath work or
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  mindfulness stuff in the morning to try and set myself up for the
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  day. So that's working on you.
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  But what about if you have to handle other people's toxic
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  energy? So let's be real, you're going
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  to encounter toxic energy in other people.
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  It's inevitable. There's no avoiding it.
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  OK, so here's what you're going to have to try and do.
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  Call out the behaviour, not the person, like, oh hey, that kind
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  of energy doesn't feel good for me.
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  Or you need to detach yourself. But do what we love, like do it
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  in the loving way. I get that you're going through
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  something, but I just can't carry that for you.
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  You can use boundary language when you say this, I feel this
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  and I need space when that happens.
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  And I've had to use that language before and I've
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  certainly had to use that language before within my family
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  space because we can go in those negative spirals.
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  And I've had to say, look, when you say these words, I really, I
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  feel really hurt and I need some space from you right now.
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  I just need some time. Give me a minute.
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  And they have some time to reflect on their behaviour as
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  well. You might need to reflect on the
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  truth. Like I understand you believe
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  that, but here's the full picture.
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  And top, top, top, top, top priority, especially if you're a
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  people pleaser, do not take it personally because it's not
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  about you. It is them.
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  It is like when you're looking at the child, you love the child
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  but you don't like the behaviour, you like the person.
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  It is just the behaviour. They're not a toxic person, it's
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  toxic energy. It's all their unprocessed stuff
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  that they have to deal with. So again, if someone's refusing
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  to take responsibility for their owner own energy, it is OK for
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  you to walk away because you're allowed to choose your piece.
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  Can these people with toxic energy change?
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  Yes, absolutely, but only if they want to because the work is
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  on them. It is all about them and
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  changing themselves. You can't change them.
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  You can maybe guide them to a direction to work on themselves,
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  but they're not going to change just because you want them to.
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  They're not going to change because you try to change them.
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  You can love them, you can support them, but you are not
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  responsible for their healing. Your job is to protect your
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  peace and your energy. They have to work on them.
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  But as I said, you can love, you can support, but they're the
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  only ones that can change that toxic energy themselves.
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  OK, the same as you, it's I, we all.
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  So my final thoughts for you today, here's what I want you to
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  remember. Toxic energy isn't about bad
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  people, it's about unhealed energy and you don't have to
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  take that on. You can shift your own energy by
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  starting with your mindset, changing to working on your
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  identity and then it's becoming a behaviour.
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  Put you first, you first is I, then the we, then all and
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  finally you deserve to live and work in alignment not just
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  survival. OK, Protect your peace, love
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  people without absorbing all of their stuff and always, always
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  come back to your why. Why are you doing this?
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  What do you love about it? Why are you here?
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  Because that will help bring you back.
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  So thank you for joining me again today.
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  Don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss an
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  episode in the Self Care series. And if this resonated with you,
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  please let me know on Instagram, send me a DM, or check out the
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  tools on Teacherspayteachers to help support your mindset and
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  your well being. And remember, you've got this,
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  you are not alone. I've got your back, your energy
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  matters and it is time for you to own it.
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  I'll talk to you again soon.