Latest / The Feel Good Club for Ambitious Moms of Neurodivergent Kids / A Simple Time Management System for Working Moms
Transcript
- ROCKY: What if that wasn't true? What if good moms also have mule delivery services? And I love this because you can use it for so many different things. When we have the energy we want all the time, we are automatically more productive, more motivated, more ready to take action instead of resentful and sitting back, right? And everything else on that list gets to go away until next week. Welcome to the Feel Good Club podcast. This is the place where ambitious working moms learn how to elevate their wellbeing, increase success in all areas, and create a positive, aligned life. Whether you're here to hear expert interviews or inspiring talks, this is your space to learn and grow. I'm Tia Graham, keynote and TED speaker, bestselling author, and founder of the Feel Good Club Community for high achieving moms. I am an expert in the science of happiness. This show is here to help you feel grounded, happier and connected to yourself and others. I know you are going to love it. Thank you for being here. Let's dive in. Hi, Lori. Welcome to the show. Hi. So happy to be here. Thank you for coming. OK, we are going to help the listener get more organized, have more energy, feel more productive, be a better planner. So many wonderful tools. How come thinking about our energy, managing our energy, being really intentional about it, how come this is foundational for increasing our productivity, being more organized, being a great planner? How can we have to start with energy? Yeah, I think that it is because we often think we're out of time, but instead we're really just out of energy. We are- Say that again. We often think we're out of time. But we're really out of energy. But we're really out of energy. Yeah. Because many people are like, I don't have enough time. Yes. We always say, I don't have enough time. I never have enough time. I'm so busy. I don't have enough time to get that done. ⁓ I didn't have enough time for that. Right? But if you think about it, so many of us will have a really busy morning and kids are off to school or you've shuffled around children. And then you've got a work day or maybe you've got a partial work day and then you've got part volunteering and then you are picking up kids and you're running them place to place and you've got all the things, right? Everybody, yes, you've got dinner, you've got all these things and then you just sort of collapse. But maybe you collapse at like 730 at night and you don't go to bed until 10. Well, technically you have two and a half hours. A lot of time. Yeah, you've turned into a zombie mom for two and a half hours because you just don't have the energy left. when really, like if we're just counting numbers and we look at that much time over the course of the week, you could have like a part-time job, right? Like there are so many things that we can do with that additional time that might fill us up more than the things that we're choosing to do because we just don't have any energy left. So am I saying you shouldn't do the things you're doing then? Maybe you love to watch Netflix and you're so happy to get two shows in without any children bothering you. Amazing. that brings you joy and happiness. It's probably boosting your energy, but in a lot of us that is just bleeding our energy, right? It's just taking away because we don't have anything left to give. And so when we're really cautious and attentive to our time, intentional about our time, the way that we spend it and the energy we're spending in it, we can then say, okay, I can show up with the energy that I want, whether it's five in the morning or noon or five at night or 10 at night. Right, right. My husband and I actually just talked about this because Most of the time, most of the evenings we go to bed, we fall asleep with our kids or, you know, ⁓ early, like literally 8.39. Like we go to bed early and then we and we both wake up early. And then there's some nights where you have that like, well, you know, we actually want to be awake without our kids and we'll stay up and whether we're like reading the news or watching a comedy show, like stand-up comedy or whatever. And it's nice, but I notice then like the next day, of course you don't have as much energy because there's something different about waking up before the kids, whether it's exercise or meditating or choosing to work or journaling or whatever. ⁓ It's a big difference. And we just said like that evening time, you just said it. It's a lot of times it's kind of wasted. Now, it's OK sometimes, but if you're doing it all the time. you're intentional with it, you love it, right? Some of you let the kids go to bed and then you work because that's when you have the most energy. I love you for that. That is not my brain. I put the kids to bed and I want to go to bed as soon as possible after them. Now I have bigger kids. I have high schoolers, right? So we're not quite as early. between 9, 30 and 10, I would very much like to be going to sleep because I do not have, I'm not as efficient. I'm not as intelligent. I cannot focus as easily. And so the brain that I love is sort of tired by that time. And that brain wants to go to sleep. And then at four in the morning though, I'm in it to win it. Whereas a lot of people are like, absolutely not. Four in the morning is the middle of the night, but I could show up at 10 PM. Okay, great. When we start to know this about ourselves, right? You know that that... evening time feels wasted, but in the morning it feels so worth it to wake up before the kids, right? You know that you feel like a meditation in the morning feels so different than a 9 p.m. meditation, right? All of that stuff, when we learn that about ourselves and give ourselves permission to do it the way that feels really good, then we can feel really good all the time. And that's what we're looking for. And so it's personalized, but also getting really aware of What is taking our energy and then choosing, do I want to do that at that time? Do I want to do it for that much time? Do I want to delegate that? Do I want to stop doing it and not worrying about what anyone else is doing of really just what works for you? So once we have created this weekly routine where We do have energy. have vitality and this is like mental energy, physical energy, relational energy, could be spiritual energy, different types of energy. And we're not feeling like how you said before overwhelmed, drained, burnt out, like languishing, know, et cetera. Then what's the next step so that we can increase our productivity? Yeah. So what I like to do is when I'm going through and assessing and going, okay, maybe I don't really know what gives me energy. I have spoken to a lot of women and they've said, what if I don't know my energy boosts, right? I call them energy bleeds and energy boosts. If I don't know my energy boosts, I'm gonna track it, right? I'm gonna keep track of some things and I'm gonna figure out what those boosts are. I'm also gonna pay attention and figure out what the bleeds are because some bleeds you might know, right? It might've come up as soon as we started talking, you went, ⁓ yeah. That's an energy drainer for me. So that would be an energy bleed. But maybe you don't know all of them. And as you start to get a little bit more information about that, you can go, okay, how can I, like you just said, eliminate, delegate, delete? How can I start to get rid of some of those energy bleeds entirely? And I'm talking like scrap them from your life. How can I have someone else help me with those energy bleeds? How can I trade off with my partner, right? If making dinner is an energy bleed and it's an energy bleed for my partner too, how can we just trade that off? so that we're both not just depleted at the end of every single day. How can we start to do this better, make it easier? And when I start to change the energy bleeds and then also supplement with energy boosts, right? I know a daily meditation is gonna make me feel great, amazing. I'm gonna figure out how to make my schedule work so that I can do one every morning or every day, right? I'm gonna start to build those things in. Maybe it's yoga, maybe it's an actual hard workout, right? Like maybe it's like lifting some really heavy stuff. Maybe it is spending time with people that you love in your life. Maybe it is having a team call with a group that you really like and getting to chat for a while and then really being productive with your team. It could be so many things. But when we start to schedule our lives around what energy boosts are, what energy bleeds are, and we're intentional with boosting our energy back up, then we can show up the way that we want all the time. When we have the energy we want all the time, we are automatically more productive, more motivated. more ready to take action instead of resentful and sitting back, right? So all of that. it allows us to do the things we want to do, which automatically makes us more productive. Right, right. OK, so if someone listening is OK at planning, right, most working moms live by their calendar, but they don't feel like everything is really well planned out. There's spontaneous things that are causing them stress. They ⁓ might be arguing with their spouse because, well, this happened and you need to cancel your call. Well, I can't cancel my call, et cetera. What is your advice for how ambitious moms should be planning their weeks? So this is where we're to get real tactical, right? Let's take a quick pause for something that can really support you. If you constantly question if you are good enough as a working mom and desperately want to feel happier, I'd love to invite you to a complimentary discovery call with me. In 45 minutes, we'll get clear on what is out of alignment, what you want your days to feel like and two to three simple changes you can make immediately to feel calmer and more confident. It's completely free and it's a chance for us to connect and see if the Feel Good Club for Working Moms or One-on-One Coaching might support you. To grab a spot, go to tiagram.com forward slash discovery call. That's tiagram.com forward slash discovery call and pick a time that works for you. One, all the to-do list things go in one place. That's step number one is if you've, if you're feeling messy with your planning because you have 8,000 post-its in different spots in your house and also a list in your purse and you've got a notebook you keep on your desk and there are to-dos in all those places, we're going to pull them all together into one spot. So every single to-do in one spot. Okay. It can be a notes app. It can be in your phone in a notes app. It can be on Excel. Yeah, could be an Excel could be a fancy app that you love to use. Yeah. Asana. I really like it could also be a piece of paper that's right in front of you. Like I do. I have it on a piece of paper. It's just a piece of paper and a planner that I carry around. That's it. Right? Like not fancy. So fancy, not fancy. I don't care. Pull them all into one spot. Everything goes into one spot because guess what? These are your home. kids self work? All of it. Everything. All the to do's. Yes. Okay. And then it's going to be an overwhelming list. It's a big list, right? It's but when we see it all together, then we can start to make some decisions about it. But also we're not living from the list. So I'm not making this list and then going wow list of 40 things that I have to say like just yeah. Yeah, what do I feel like doing right now? What's the most important thing in these 40 things? ⁓ my goodness, no, we couldn't handle that every single day. So the reason we pull it all together is that when we do weekly planning, one time per week weekly planning, we are then going to pull all of our tasks together, all of our activities together, all of our events together, all of our meetings together. And we're going to look at our to do list and say, OK, what's time bound for this week and needs to be added into my schedule? What is something I totally want to do this week? Like what sounds super fun to do this week? And everything else on that list gets to go away until next week. And then we'll look at it And it doesn't take headspace. It does not take headspace. We're not keeping it in the brain. We are not hoping we remembered to write it on the post-it in the bathroom. We are just keeping it in a space. It's safe there. And guess what happens when you write a to-do list item and you say, that's not important enough to go on my actual plan for this week? and I don't want to do it this week. Next week when you look at it, you might decide this is the week, you might decide this is not a thing I wanna do at all, and you might remove it from your list entirely. You might just decide you're gonna delete it. Whereas if we don't give ourselves space away from it, sometimes we're just like, but I have to do 27 things that are on this list. So it gives you a little bit of space, so your decision-making power is stronger. It gives you the ability to know it's there and not worry about it, right? You don't ruminate on the things that are on the list. And it gives you the knowledge that you have already selected the things that are time bound and need to be done and the things you want to do so that your week feels really good. So valuable. I love that you and I'm looking, I have two post-its and like, I don't have too much. I don't do who invented the post-it. So, I love the release of it. And also you're talking about, you're going to change your perspective with different things on your to-do list. And then it's such a beautiful aid for when you are doing your weekly planning of looking, does my calendar align with the big boulders of work? And then the big boulders of self and the big boulders of family, right? that time too. ⁓ And then of course inevitably there's pop-ups during the week as a working mom with work and kids and just talking to someone right of like sick kid or this or there's always different things happening and like you said it's never perfect no matter what you plan it's never I feel like pre-kids I could have pretty perfect planned out weeks but not when there's so many humans involved. And then you do this meeting, it's with yourself, and then you also are going to meet and talk about the week with your partner. That's right. And children if they're big enough, right? So I don't have driving children, but 15, 14, 12, and 9. So I have kids that are big enough to understand their own schedules, not just big enough to take themselves to their own places. So we talk about, OK, hey, on Friday, it looks like you're going to have to come with me to drop off Kid X because if I have to come back, I will not be able to get you to X place. So they know, OK, I've got to be ready at three instead of ready at four for my dance class or for my rehearsal or for whatever it is that I have that day. Hey, you've got a birthday party. Have you already purchased a present, worked it out with friends? Have we already ordered the thing? Right. So we're able to start talking about everything that's coming over that next week and planning it out so that We all feel like we have what we need. And then they can even say, ⁓ I forgot to put whatever on the calendar, right? ⁓ I forgot to put, have to stay after school to pick up my robot baby. That was the thing on Friday, this last Friday. I forgot that I had to tell you that I had to pick up my robot baby because I have it for the weekend, right? Okay, that's really important. That's for her class, right? So it's able, we're able to talk about that and we go, okay, cool. Now I know we're picking you up late that day. And so. just being able to talk through that stuff, it's energy building for me because now I feel really good about my week, but also decreases the stress of the whole family, right? Decreases my husband's stress, decreases my stress, decreases the kids stress. We know what to expect and we're ready. And here's a time, this is a personal question and maybe some of listening also feels the same. With productivity and time, pre-kids, I always say I was a happy workaholic. I've always loved working. feel like you, yeah. Working since I'm 12 and I joke I'm never going to retire. Like I love working. Same. And I had Like I would happily work 60 or 70 hours a week and you know ⁓ and Have way way less time than that and I also have a child with special needs and so just way less time ⁓ What advice do you have for I? Guess it's about changing mindset in thinking about How much time you have to work? Hmm? I don't know if that's a clear question, but I would love to hear your thoughts on that. by the way, I've been a working mom for 11 years. So this isn't like a new thing. Yeah. But it's actually, ⁓ you know what it is? It's actually a desire of like, ⁓ I would love more time to work, but I make sure I sleep. I exercise. I'm with my kids. ⁓ It's like a desire and a yearning for more hours. And I don't sit up watching Netflix that much, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I sleep a lot and I don't know. There's only so much time, but I would love to hear your thoughts on that. There's only so much time there. Everyone has to decide how they're going to spend their hours, right? I want you to feel really good about the way that you spend your time. I want to feel really good about the way that I spend my time, right? And so if I find myself wishing that I had more time for something, I always am going to take a step back and say, OK, what am I spending my time on right now that would be less important than that yearning? Right? So are there some areas that I'm going, I volunteer at the school and make copies five times a week, right? I spend five hours a week making copies at the school. And I know it's important to the school and the school appreciates me. But is that, does that feel better for me than my work time? Right. But your answer Tia might be that no, there is nothing that I am spending my time on. that is actually less important to me than that yearning. And so I just get to accept that yearning and say, and accept the season. Yes. And get to say, guess what work Tia, you are going to have so many hours and maybe five years and maybe two years and maybe, right. Yeah. Are always going to change. And you just get to sit tight because the way that we're spending our time right now is exactly what we want to be doing. Right. Right. And what you made me think is there probably is a 15 minutes here or who knows, a 20 minutes here. making dinner never brings me joy. thought maybe there's a way. I don't want to order every day, of course. That's unhealthy. yeah. But yeah, like meal prep services that are actually healthy. Meal prep services. Trading with family. Like, depend, obviously everyone's got different financials. Like, I would love to hire a chef if you can do that, right? Like, amazing. Yeah, I just talked to someone who has a meal prep chef. Yeah, someone comes in and maybe they come in one time a week and they do something for you. Depending on what your priorities and your finances look like, you can make lots of decisions that don't require that. Maybe I do do some meal prep slash planning on a Sunday so that I don't have to spend hardly any time during the week. I mean, for me, there are days that that would give me a whole extra hour, right? with all like the prep and the getting ready and the cooking and then the feeding and getting plates ready, all of that, right? If I could save myself a whole hour in one day and be able to spend that working instead and that's lighting me up and this is bleeding me out, wow. Like let's figure out how to make that happen. Yeah, and outsourcing, right? Like figuring out also there's value in the time with the kids, there's value on if you go on a date night, value exercising. And then also thinking about the value of your working hours and do you outsource more of the home or admin or whatever. It might be that you like actually pay someone to do a lot of the stuff because of the value of work. So yeah, the errands like all that stuff. We decide what's important to us. And I would very much encourage you all to have the permission to do it differently. just because other people, right? The neighbors, the other, the family, my family members always, you know, my sisters and my mom always make dinner every single night, right? And so there's this pressure that, well, you're only a good mom if you do what your friends do, do what your family does, do it, right? And what if that weren't true? Yeah. What if that wasn't true? What if good moms also have meal delivery services five nights a week? What if good moms also have meal prep that they do on Sundays, supported or not, and they just make crockpot meals every week. What if good moms order food out, order DoorDash, you know, half the time? all the things. Right, that it doesn't have to be that way. Yes. You have a great resource for the listeners. Can you tell me about the Master Your Time Toolkit? Yes. So we have a Master Your Time Toolkit. And I love this because you can use it for so many different things. But It has weekly planning tips, right? Which we love to do. It has habit building and morning routine building, if that's where you're struggling. But one of the things that I love, because we talked about energy, is there's a time tracker and it's every 15 minutes you write down what you're doing. But the way I love to use it is write down what I'm doing, but give a little plus if it's an energy boost, right? Let's say you're out for coffee with your husband, right? And he is like, this is just so nourishing to me, right? Plus energy boost, amazing. Let's say you just had a really hard conversation with one of your children or a really hard interaction with one of your children. Though those might be things that are really important to us, they can be energy bleeds, right? Absolutely. So I'm going to put a dash and I'm going to say that's an energy bleed. Is that an energy bleed I'm going to get rid of? No. But is that going to be something I know I need to supplement a boost with so that I can bring my own energy back up? Yes. And I get to decide and I can start to see those patterns. And wow, when you start to do that a couple of days, lots of knowledge and lots of places where you go, okay, I can make myself feel better. I can help myself. I don't even need big things here. I can make some small tweaks and feel really good about the way I spend my time. So valuable. And Lori, if people want to learn more, find you and follow you, where's the best place to send them? I love to have everyone head to secrets of supermom.com. You can find the books. and the podcast and all my socials. You can message me directly. That's really the best place to find all that. Awesome. Thank you for coming on the show and thank you for sharing a lot of your very valuable secrets. Thank you. you. Thank you. Thank you for joining me on the Feel Good Club show. I hope today's episode left you feeling inspired and equipped to take on your day with confidence, self-love and joy. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your fellow ambitious working moms. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. We're all here to support each other in feeling good and living our best lives. Until next time, take care and be hopeful. And remember, prioritize your happiness.