Latest / The Feel Good Club for Ambitious Moms of Neurodivergent Kids / How to Stay Healthy as a Busy Working Mom
Transcript
- ROCKY: It's not a luxury to feel good. First, give yourself a break because this is hard. You often have to give energy to get energy. And it's okay to have a day where not every hour is filled. Welcome to the Feel Good Club podcast. This is the place where ambitious working moms learn how to elevate their well-being, increase success in all areas, and create a positive, aligned life. Whether you're here to hear expert interviews or inspiring talks, this is your space to learn and grow. I'm Tia Graham, keynote and TED speaker, bestselling author and founder of the Feel Good Club Community for High Achieving Moms. I am an expert in the science of happiness. This show is here to help you feel grounded, happier and connected to yourself and others. I know you are going to love it. Thank you for being here. Let's dive in. Hi Beth, welcome to the show. Hi Tia, thanks so much for having me. Of course, I'm so glad you're here. Can you start off by sharing the story or the reason why you do what you do? Why do you care so much about helping busy women prioritize their movement and their nutrition and just overall health? Sure. going way back in time, I originally started my career in publishing actually and worked in a very corporate role for years. I had studied kinesiology in college. I had double majored, but I had wanted to go into a more corporate role. And to kind of fast forward and give you the synopsis, I started to realize that a lot of the women around me, those my age and women in their 30s, 40s, 50s, you everyone was working hard or really high achieving women. People didn't seem to feel great. Even the people who were, you know, grinding and getting up at five a.m. to go to a workout class before putting in hours at the office. And I, I had this kind of sense, like I want to do something to help people feel better. And I, kind of slowly and with like, the support of my partner decided to make a major career change. And this, at this point, this was many years ago, but so I work now with women, primarily one-on-one. I'm a nutritionist. I'm a personal trainer and a sports medicine trainer. I've also worked a lot with athletes, but what, and what these athletes have in common with all these women is they're, they're high achieving, juggling a lot. And they, Everybody wants to check off all these boxes, but I had this sense that we're checking off these boxes without really being in tune with our bodies and kind of like connecting to what really makes us feel good. And when you say checking the boxes, it's like, ⁓ I went to the gym or, ⁓ I ate vegetables today. Is that what you mean? Like kind of these things, but not really truly in tune with what's making us. feel well? Yeah, I do. mean, checking those boxes and then also like the bigger boxes where you're, okay, I'm going to get promoted by- ⁓ the life boxes. Yes. Have a kid. Yes. Then I'm going to have my second kid and then you're asking, are you finished? And then what's next? And I think we go through life and we have so much going on that sometimes we're not always- really aware of how we're feeling. And this is kind of, you know, there's a lot to that, as you know, but I look at my profession as I really work with people on their physical health, of course, but also there's a lot when it comes to mental health. Oh, yeah. They're 100 % connected. Definitely. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to start off by asking if there is a working mom listening right now that says, yeah, I would love to focus on more movement and I would love to have better nutrition, but I don't have the time. What would you say to that? So I hear a working mom who's listening. Sure. I hear this a lot and I get it. And I think that one thing that runs through people's heads is I will find the time eventually when life calms down. But I would argue, when you have kids, does life ever calm down? When you're a working mom, there's phases that might feel a little more chaotic than others. We all know this. But you have to start thinking about taking care of yourself as a priority, not a luxury. It's not a luxury to feel good. And it doesn't mean you have to have a 60 minute workout. You can do a 20 minute workout. And it doesn't mean your food needs to look, you know, perfectly Instagram worthy and like that you need to be cooking all of your meals. I think I would say a lot of things to that mom, but two, would say first, give yourself a break because this is hard. And two, let's find a way to break it down into smaller steps. Like, what can you do this week, this month to start to move better? And how can you schedule that time for yourself? I love what you said. I agree completely that it's a priority, not a luxury. And many working moms, their kids are a huge priority and their career is a big priority. And then you have a house and you might be like, we were just talking before we hit record, managing a nanny or someone else that helps you marriage. all these different things. And so it is easy to make yourself less of a priority because you feel so time poor. But it's really this change in mindset and change in belief that your health and feeling good is as much of a priority as your career and your kids. I'm thinking of some moms in the feel good club in my membership that, it's like they always feel behind at work and the kids are all consuming and it's like, yeah, I don't have time. But that really is, ⁓ just even saying that is a belief. Right. It's not on facts. I think too that we worry so much about all these other things in our lives that are extremely important, our career, our family, but we are going to show up so much better for everybody else if we're taking care of ourselves. This for myself, I feel it when I'm not getting enough sleep or I'm not filling my own bucket. I'm napping a lot. ⁓ no, I am a bitch when I'm sleep deprived. To my husband, I am not nice and he knows it I know it. So it's like, Tia needs sleep. ⁓ Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ so let's talk about this. You talked about break, ⁓ simple. You don't do, don't do, I did a 25 minute bike ride this morning. I never do 60 minute workouts. use two pre-kids mission. Say never, but it's more like 30 minutes. So, you know, let's say you are, I'm thinking of this one member in my group. Let's say you're a lawyer, two little kids, not a lot of family help. I don't think she has a nanny. So. How do you make time for eating well and exercising when you're stretched thin? Really like practical. How do you actually plan it and then do it? I think that you need to take a look at your calendar and assess where your time is going and chances are you're feeling, as you said before, time poor. but there may be some hidden buckets in there. And again, start small. The people who try to overhaul their entire life in terms of health overnight, those are the January people that fall off by February, and I'm an advocate for the long game. I would honestly put pen to paper and... really look at your calendar and say, okay, when could I fit in a walk or when could I pick up some weights and get in a workout? And it doesn't need to be these really formal, like it doesn't need to look perfect. If your child is running through the room while you're doing your strength training, that's okay. I mean, that's where we are in your life. Or if you're interrupted and it's 10 minutes shorter than you wanted to be. It's okay, it all counts. So start recalibrating your thinking. And when it comes to nutrition, again, I think there's a big case being made for outsourcing. Can you order a healthy meal delivery service? Can you have somebody help you with your meal prep? Like this is something that I help a lot of clients with is I help them with meal ideas that are not super complicated. we'll put together a whole grocery list for them. We'll come up with a couple easy meals for those nights that you're like exhausted and you're very tempted to do Uber Eats, but really I can find things that really will only take, you know, 10 minutes to pull together and you'll feel a lot better. Those are my kind of dinners, 10 You don't need to, I mean, nobody needs to be a hero with this stuff. It's the little things and I think maybe... starting by lowering the bar and getting out of like the black and white thinking is for a lot of women. Right, right. So, so good. And ⁓ what would you say to a working mom who is really hard on herself? I talk a lot about the inner critic who's really hard on herself about how she looks. how little she exercises, hard on herself about maybe her kids aren't eating as many vegetables as she would like. Like she just sort of feels like, I'm not doing good enough. I don't really feel great. What would you say to that woman? Yeah, it's tough. You need to talk to yourself more positively is the starting point. that can take a lot of work that doesn't come overnight. usually people feel more confident and better about themselves, not necessarily because of how they look, but because of the promises that they're making to themselves that they're executing on. Staying accountable to themselves. Yes, yes. And a lot of us need help with this at different times in our lives. And that makes sense. mean, we- If something was going wrong in your life, would see somebody to help you. If you had a legal issue, you would see a lawyer. If you have a medical issue, you see a doctor. If you're having issues with your health, you should outsource at certain points in your life until you can find a way to build some sustainable, healthy habits. And there's no shame in that. mean, there's lots of ways that we're doing this outsourcing in our daily lives, but I think sometimes we're not thinking about it from the standpoint of just taking care of ourselves and feeling really good in our skin. Let's take a quick pause for something that can really support you. If you constantly question if you are good enough as a working mom and desperately want to feel happier, I'd love to invite you to a complimentary discovery call with me. In 45 minutes. we'll get clear on what is out of alignment, what you want your days to feel like, and two to three simple changes you can make immediately to feel calmer and more confident. It's completely free and it's a chance for us to connect and see if the Feel Good Club for Working Moms or One-on-One Coaching might support you. To grab a spot, go to tiagram.com forward slash discovery call. That's tiagram.com forward slash discovery call and pick a time that works for you. Again, going back to that self talk, it's really counterproductive to be so hard on ourselves and we don't need to be an A plus in every single area simultaneously. Right. And when you think about a woman and everything they do and all we go through with pregnancy and postpartum and then just raising these humans, you know, from preschool to elementary school to middle school beyond, there's so many shifts. If your kids are taken care of and loved and have like generally, you know, some nutrition in their lives, you're doing great. I wouldn't worry so much about the amount of vegetables they're getting every single day. Of course, that kind of starts at home. And the more that you can come together as a family and find a way to, you know, get something green on the table is that that's great. I get cut yourself some slack. I'm not anti ordering, you know, pizza on a Friday night. I ordered pizza last night, but I gave him green beans with the pizza. So. It actually is just helpful for them to know that that is an option for them. Yeah, yeah, not perfection. I love everything you said. I teach working moms a lot about self-compassion. And you said be more positive to yourself. And I say all the time to just be kind to yourself. Right? Talk to yourself the way you talk to your best friend. And we talk to our friends way kinder than we talk to ourselves. just knowing that this is a human experience that our brain segment have a negativity bias. And you made a really good point about setting small realistic goals and then doing those is what's going to make you feel good. Yeah, also outsource. Like I'm sure the person listening spends a lot of money on their kids, like kid activities, or maybe your kid goes to, you know, OT therapy or whatever, all these different things that we do for our kids. That you also, it's kind of like you also deserve that too. You know, I hired a trainer after my second daughter, cause I was like, I need someone to get me back in shape so I feel good. And, and yeah. So how come working moms should focus on energy management with the same intensity that, um, they focus on time management because so many people are focused on productivity, manager time. Um, and. know, energy management is not as talked about. would say, as long as it's famous, know, it's all, our society is so obsessed with productivity and time management. So how can the working mom listening be thinking about energy management? So this is something that I've started talking to clients a lot about, energy management over the past few years, because what I've witnessed is most working moms don't necessarily have a huge time management issue. They may feel time poor again, or they may feel spread very thin, but when it comes down to it, they can get things done. Like, moms are really good at this. Energy management is when you start to think about where am I feeling depleted? ⁓ Also, what's giving me energy and making me feel energized and making me feel like, ⁓ you know when you get that feeling where you're like, ⁓ actually, like, I can conquer more than I thought I could. Well, that is usually, the root of that is usually you're feeling good about how you're taking care of yourself. Like nobody is running on very little sleep and treating themselves badly and feeling like they're super energized. So I think it comes down to three things. One, I would tell a working mom to try to identify, before you even think about the nutrition and the fitness, identify when you feel your best, and also what pockets of the day are you most productive and most motivated. And motivation can come and go, and I really do think we need to rely on systems, but I know for myself, if I think about the hardest thing that I have to do in a day, I would prefer to do that mid-morning. I know some people like to do things in the evening, you know, pick a time. But knowing yourself and knowing when you're kind of... at your highest output, I would put your hardest tasks, for lack of a better word, in that pocket. So for some people, might be, their hurdle might be getting in a workout. So do it first thing if that's when you feel like you have the most energy and you're not going to run into as many obstacles. And don't think that you're, like the version of you at 6 p.m. when you have worked all day is really going to want to get themselves to the gym or go to a class. And if you are that person, that's great, but it's knowing who you are and being realistic with yourself. I think that's part of energy management. And when it comes to taking care of yourself, how are you fueling yourself? Most of us, you know, we are going from one thing to the next all day. I know so many working moms who are just like, shoveling in a salad while they're doing five other things, ⁓ taking time, just a little bit of time to actually like sit down, have a meal. And again, if it's not every day, that's fine. This is a goal. But that will really help kind of stabilize your energy. So you're not feeling like your nervous system is fried and you're, you know, you know that feeling. Yes. So you're talking about more mindful eating. Yes. Causing and not multitasking, like, actually just being more present with yourself. Definitely. And I will say I'm someone who I still want to read, like maybe I'll read a Substack article while I'm eating lunch, but I will try to give myself 15 minutes instead of saying like, I'm going to take a break. Yeah, instead of two or, you know, running around from one thing to the next. I know for me, just using myself as an example, it's not always super realistic for me to sit down for breakfast. we're getting the kids out the door. I never sit on the weekends. But Monday, Friday, no, I'm on my feet. Yes. But lunch, I really try to take that time because again, and again, it's not long. It's probably 15 minutes at the most, but that helps me realize like, okay, this is like a little break and I'm going to stabilize my blood sugar and I'm going to then have energy to go through the rest of my day and I'm not going to feel like I just am in like fight or flight and then that's part of energy management as well. And then the third part is really the output and when you're going to get your movement in, which we just discussed a little bit, but finding finding time to do that in your day, even if it's something very quick, like a quick walk around the block is great. Yeah. And I think that we sometimes think, ⁓ we're too tired. know, I'm like feeling like I'm just going to have another cup of coffee. And that's OK sometimes. But you often have to give energy to get energy. And I can't tell you how many times. I mean, I am not always motivated. but there have been so many times where I think I'm too tired for a little movement and then I just do it and afterwards... don't... a Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I... So I feel lucky and I don't know if you're... I feel like you're similar to me in that I feel that it's been... It's always been easier for me to exercise regularly than a lot of people. My mom was a, you know, I grew up, she was a skier, a runner, and it just sort of grew up the way and it was always important to me. And then plus, okay, teens, twenties, did I care about how I looked a lot? And absolutely. Like, was there that, what's the word? whatever, you care how you look like that piece. don't, that's not the reason why I exercise anymore. But Mel Robbins always says, like, most people don't feel like exercising. Like that is not. You know, maybe if you're an Ironman person or I don't know, and it's like your whole life, but it's knowing that and it's just what you said. It's like knowing that you're going to feel better after and you're going to feel better for the rest of the day. And even for a couple of days that you're not, you're not waiting until you're like, ⁓ my God, I can't wait to go on a bike or I'm like, so excited to lift weights right now. But you'll feel good when you're doing it and you're definitely going to feel good after. it's like that. just remembering that. Yes. Keeping that at the front of your mind when you feel like bailing. I agree with you. I think too, I've just learned at this point that I am a much nicer person and a calmer person and just a more patient person in business and with my children and with my husband when I move my body. It's so much less about the aesthetics at this point because more just kind of like a happy pill. And you you get it in and you feel like, okay. Yes. I'm just a little bit calmer inside. And I think that it's something that not everybody feels initially, but once you get into that place, especially as a working mom who has so much going on, you'll start to crave it. And it might not be right away. Yeah. Eventually you get to a place where you do realize I have never had worked with anybody who's ever said like, I feel worse after. Right. Yeah. It's a guarantee really. There's not a lot of things in life that are a guarantee, with, yeah, with food, you know, sleep and movement, it is, it really, really is. So my last question is, how can a working mom identify things that fill their cup, maybe, know, and is there other things in addition to food and exercise that you would say if their cup is feeling pretty empty right now? Sure. So one thing that I don't know if you ever come across this advice, but it drives me crazy when people tell working moms like, just go get a manicure. And that's the example that comes to my mind because I don't ever find getting a manicure relaxing. I feel like... I feel sort of antsy because I feel like I'm wasting time. Thank God now maybe we can listen to a podcast while we're in here. So these little things that sometimes like society will tell us like- Self care things. Self care things. These are different for everyone and I think it's important as a woman and a working mom to identify the things that actually make you feel better. So I know for myself, I take fitness out of it. I, like reading is really something that helps me. You do, I love reading. Yeah, and I need to read every night before bed and I just enjoy it and it is for me. That is time that I feel like is kind of sacred. For other women that might be, I don't know, going to mahjong with their friends or, you know, taking a bath. It's like just something that's like a little bit of like a ritual. work into your week. Yeah, could be like mindful coloring, like you said, listening to a podcast could be doing something with your kids that's really connecting. And yeah, it is, it is personal, but it's like, what, what fills you up? ⁓ I actually get, talk on Monday, I was speaking to a bunch of working moms in Europe and I was talking about doing things that, that you want to learn, right? Like, What, know, 30 minutes a week is it, you want to learn guitar? Do you want to learn French? Do you want to learn how to write a book? Do it could be anything, but still being that student, even if you are 46 years old, like, you know, that could be something. But I just think your idea of, am I filling my cup each week? In addition to like work kids and exercise, like what else am I doing is a good thing to think about. And we think about our weekends these days. I think. I know a lot of women are not getting rest on the weekends the way we used to. You know, we're not going to leisurely brunches and the farmers' house. Yeah, tall kids. Kids, their sports and their activities and their birthday parties. Yeah. I kind of look at the week from, like, I look at it from the lens of, it doesn't, again, you know, not every week is going to be perfect, but can I do something? Can I find some time? where I can do something for myself because if you go all week and you're working and then you go all weekend and you're, you know, running from thing to thing and you don't have any of that time for yourself, it's just, it feels like a recipe for burnout that I think a lot of people experienced. Yes. And you, and then also resentment can grow maybe if your spouse has more of that time. And yeah, I, my husband, I recently, We had a long talk and realized that we need to take, we need to just do less overall weekdays and weekends with the kids, with family. just need to create more space. And, I am the super planner. Like I am like, ⁓ we'll do that. And I over schedule cause I'm excited and all these different things. And then it's too much, you know? And so, ⁓ and yeah, what you're saying is. plan for you, even on Saturdays and Sundays also, don't just plan for the kids. Yeah. In the family. also like to your point, having a little white space, I think is a great thing. I'm similar. I'm a planner. And then I also happen to be married to a planner. So sometimes they're like, can one of us needs to just like take their foot off the gas with all the planning? Cause it can be way too much and it's okay to have a day where Not every hour is filled and you. Yes. And just be home or yes. Yes. Yes. ⁓ Beth, I could talk to you for hours. If people want to learn more about you and learn from you, where's the best place for them to go? So in social and on Instagram more than any other platform, that's Beth Sims Wellness. And I also have a sub stack that I just started very recently because I wanted to return to some long form content and they can email me and I'm always happy to chat. Perfect. Well, thanks for coming on the show and enjoy the rest of your week. Thank you. Thanks so much to you. Thank you for joining me on the Feel Good Club show. I hope today's episode left you feeling inspired and equipped to take on your day with confidence, self love and joy. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your fellow ambitious working moms. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. We're all here to support each other in feeling good and living our best lives. Until next time, take care and be hopeful. And remember, prioritize your happiness.