Latest / Mindful You / Mindful Path To Self-Discovery: Balancing, Breathing, And Letting Go For Enhanced Awareness And Emotional Well-Being With Lesley Evans

Transcript

Mindful Path To Self-Discovery: Balancing, Breathing, And Letting Go For Enhanced Awareness And Emotional Well-Being With Lesley Evans · Mindful You

0:03
Alan Carroll: Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the mindful you
0:10
podcast. I'm Alan Carroll, and I am your host. As we journey
0:16
together, down the various paths of mindfulness, as our guests,
0:22
share their stories, share their discoveries, share their tips,
0:28
and practices with us, so that we can strengthen our own
0:34
mindfulness skills, and live a more mindful, still present time
0:42
existence. Today's guest, Leslie Evans, Leslie, for 30 years was
0:52
a psychiatric nurse done all the things that you think you should
0:59
do marry her childhood sweetheart, three wonderful
1:03
children, great job, house. And after having all these material
1:13
things, and all these things that you think you should have,
1:17
in order to be happy, Leslie wasn't happy. And which then
1:25
motivated her to take a look at, well, what works, what doesn't
1:30
work. And she shifted her entire life. And she shares with us her
1:39
journey from the psychiatric being a nurse in the hospitals,
1:44
to the spiritual dimensions, and how to balance that mindfulness,
1:51
spiritual development with the scientific medicine background
1:55
that she has, and weave the two together to create a healing
2:01
that will support people in their journeys into mindfulness.
2:07
So it's with fun and pleasure and happiness, to be able to
2:11
welcome Leslie Evans to the mindful U podcast. Lesley Evans,
2:22
welcome to the mindful U Podcast. I'm excited to zap an
2:27
opportunity to hear your story and hear your experiences as you
2:32
traveled and evolved over time. And as I read your bio, I
2:38
especially was caught by the word magic. And I find that
2:42
mindfulness and magic and mystical and miracles sort of
2:47
form and the same, same genre, the same environment. So share
2:52
with our share with our audience a little bit about your
2:55
background, Leslie.
2:57
Lesley Evan: Absolutely. Thank you, Ellen. First, I want to
3:00
thank you for having me here and chatting with you today. It's an
3:05
honor to be able to be here and share. A so yes, I have a
3:10
background in psychiatric nursing. And I have been a
3:15
psychiatric nurse for over 30 years. And, you know, really, I
3:21
started off with this checklist. And that checklist of everything
3:25
you think you want in life. You know, I graduated from
3:27
psychiatric nursing, got a job in public health, I married my
3:32
college sweetheart, we bought a house had three kids, blah,
3:36
blah, you know, the list goes on, the list goes on. And I have
3:40
three beautiful girls. And as I checked off that list, you know,
3:46
making sure that list was going exactly the way I thought it was
3:50
supposed to go. I realized I began to lose myself in that
3:55
process. And you know, because I was so busy making sure
4:00
everybody on my list was doing well. And everything on my list
4:03
was going well. And I was having this conversation with my eldest
4:07
daughter who was 16 at the time, and she was having trouble with
4:11
the boy. And the boy was you know, just, she wasn't dancing,
4:17
wasn't singing wasn't doing all those things she would normally
4:19
do. And I give her the great motherly advice. If they truly
4:23
love you or they truly care about you, they will encourage
4:27
you to be everything that you want to be and encourage you to
4:30
do those things. But it's such a moment for me because I had to
4:35
take a really good look at myself. I guess I didn't have to
4:39
I chose to take a really good look at myself in that moment at
4:43
what I was teaching my girls that I was teaching them that
4:51
you know the list were more importantly and and that they
4:54
should sacrifice themselves for all of those people that were
4:58
important to them or if you Pull in their lives. And, and so I
5:02
had to take a really good look at myself, I really wasn't being
5:06
very present because I was always everywhere making sure
5:09
everybody else was doing okay, and not realizing that I was
5:12
kind of losing myself in the process. And so with that
5:17
thought, a lot of changes came around, I chose to make quite a
5:22
few changes in my life. One of those I ended a 21 year
5:26
marriage, we knew that we weren't healthy for each other,
5:28
nevermind our kids. And I began this journey. That's really
5:34
where the journey began, I had always been intuitive. But I
5:38
didn't actually know that's what was happening. I just knew
5:41
stuff. And I thought, Wow, I'm just really good at knowing
5:45
stuff. And I didn't know where that came from. And so when,
5:49
when I separated and started this new life with my girls, and
5:53
my mom came with us, too, I was primary sport to her. It was
5:58
really about finding out who I was, and what I loved. And, and,
6:04
and what I wanted to do when I grew up. And so took this
6:10
journey of really connecting with myself, and the universe,
6:17
or spirit, or God, whatever way you describe it, creator. And so
6:23
that's what brought me to where I am. Now. See, I had taught, in
6:28
my therapy days and thought a lot, I taught a lot about
6:31
mindfulness as a great thing for anxiety and depression. But I
6:36
wasn't living mindfully, right. So I wasn't living what I was
6:42
teaching. And so that was my journey. And where I really
6:47
began to do that is really sinking into this present
6:50
moment. And that's where my journey started to really
6:54
flourish to is when I began to appreciate the moment in
6:59
everything it was, because just because I started living
7:03
mindfully and started connecting with myself, doesn't mean my
7:06
journey was easy the whole time. But I was you can look at it
7:12
from a different view, when you're looking at things from
7:15
that mindful or presence, being present in it. That you can make
7:21
choices differently when you're here in this moment. And so
7:27
that's where the journey took me to where I am now. So I left
7:30
public health. And I now work privately. And, you know, really
7:37
marrying both of these worlds together. My science background,
7:41
my nursing therapy background, and the woowoo or the spiritual
7:47
background it is. So I kind of have this bridge, I have the
7:52
science and then I have hypnotherapy that kind of
7:55
bridges the two worlds. And then also, I work in the Akashic
8:00
Records, which is where your soul's journey is, is sort of
8:05
recorded. And so I help people on a conscious, subconscious,
8:09
and soul level.
8:12
Alan Carroll: Wow, that's a that's a lot of things. That's a
8:15
lot of things. The it sounds it sounds like you had a you live
8:27
the life where you had all the things that you should have. And
8:32
they reached the point where you sort of woke up in a way and
8:37
said, You know what, I have a lot of these things. However, I
8:42
miss, I'm missing something. And sounds like what you were
8:45
missing was a feeling of, of self awareness or self
8:50
discovery. Or there's something missing here. I'm not sure
8:53
what's missing. But there's something missing, which then
8:58
directed you to a more mindfulness experience. And as
9:03
you talk about mindfulness, what were some of the mindfulness
9:08
activities or things that you began to, to do to support you
9:14
and getting more balanced?
9:19
Unknown: So as far as mindfulness activities, there's
9:23
lots of Annelle speak on mindfulness to the cows come
9:25
home, Alan, I love it. I think it's such an important piece of,
9:29
of being able to live a full life. For me, it was really
9:36
starting to be mindful in moments all through my life. I
9:39
think a lot of people think mindfulness is just a
9:41
meditation, but it isn't. It's about living every moment you
9:45
can in the present moment. And so when I, you know, when we
9:50
find ourselves or I found myself, my thoughts really
9:53
going, it's that awareness. Oh, my thoughts are really going.
9:56
It's time to bring them down. And so I even did Things like
10:00
walking from, say the car to an appointment, maybe I was worried
10:05
about that appointment, started realizing those thoughts going,
10:10
and really slowing them down and focusing on what my body's doing
10:14
the miracle of my body, the muscles moving to get me from
10:19
the car to this appointment, I really focusing in on that, you
10:24
know, the breeze in my hair, the way my arms move, really coming
10:28
into those moments. So fitting those in mindful eating, I don't
10:33
know, Alan, if you've never tried mindful eating, it's a an
10:38
a different experience, especially if you're, say, a
10:41
coffee drinker or tea drinker, I'm a tea drinker. And so
10:45
mindfully, drinking my tea is just the difference in the way
10:50
it tastes. Because you can tell that it tastes different at the
10:54
front of your mouth and the back of your mouth. And just little
10:57
ways to incorporate mindfulness and things that we're already
11:00
doing is really important. And so in, in being able to
11:06
incorporate those things, whether it's time with family.
11:09
So really being in that moment with the people that you love,
11:14
and listening, just like we are here, you know, you're listening
11:18
to what I say, and I'm listening to what you say, you miss so
11:21
much when you're not mindfully there. And in business, or at
11:29
work, to really being there, focusing on whatever the task
11:34
is, means that you get more done, and you feel better at the
11:38
end of the day, and you get it done better. So those things
11:42
were all the things that I incorporated in life to bring me
11:46
to more presence. But then there's also the meditation and
11:51
the stillness, and yes, I, I, every morning, meditate, and
11:58
really connect spiritually, for myself, probably, I don't know,
12:04
probably about half an hour when I, you know, when I set that
12:07
time aside for myself, and all of this has led me to be able to
12:12
make choices that were for my highest good.
12:18
Alan Carroll: Excellent, I find that the the ability to choose
12:27
what we before mindfulness, people or myself unconscious,
12:36
automatic reacting, then, rather than wait a minute, take that
12:42
breath, ground ground, my feet get centered. Notice that
12:48
there's an emotion stirring up inside of me right now. Notice I
12:53
have thoughts about that person over there. And rather than
12:59
react to it, that little space of stillness, pausing,
13:10
breathing, relaxes the physical body. And somehow, if I can keep
13:17
my body physically relaxed, everything seems to be fine. But
13:23
when that tension occurs, when that thoughts occur when those
13:27
attack thoughts occur, and those ego thoughts occur, and those
13:30
upset thoughts occur, I notice that it it there's a
13:36
corresponding tension in my physical body. At the time, I'm
13:44
having those thoughts. And so I pretty sure that's what you're
13:49
saying, you've experienced also that you keeping your body
13:53
relaxed, keeping your body energized, keeping your body
13:55
oxygenated, allows you to better handle whatever's coming down,
14:01
coming down the pipe coming at you. Is that is that? Am I
14:04
close?
14:05
Unknown: Oh, I mean, breathing. In fact, I was like, I didn't
14:10
even mention breathing and all that. And that is one of the
14:13
first things I'll tell people, when they have when they come to
14:17
me with overwhelm or anxiety or anything like that is breathe
14:21
and they're like what it took my my mind tells me I can't Yes,
14:25
that's when it's even more important to breathe. Because
14:31
you're right, physically, just bringing that oxygen in,
14:35
physically settled. So symptoms so you can start to settle your
14:39
mind a little bit. And I have a really great example of that
14:45
sort of that breathing and taking that moment and that
14:48
walking. I was working with it fella and we were talking about
14:51
mindfulness and he was just sort of this. I don't know about this
14:55
stuff that you're teaching me but I'll give it a try. And he
14:59
was going he'd been off work because he had some, you know,
15:02
depression and anger and he was going back to work. And starting
15:07
back to work, he came back the next week to the to our group.
15:12
And he said, I tried your mindful walking thing. You said,
15:16
I was at work for a few days. And I got called into the boss's
15:22
office. And so for the couple of minutes, he said, I could feel
15:27
my anxiety starting to go up. And so I said, I'm going to use
15:30
that mindful walking that you taught me. And he walked
15:33
mindfully, just for those three minutes it took to get to the
15:36
boss's office, the boss called him and he said, Hey, I just
15:41
wanted to tell you that I noticed how well you're doing.
15:44
And it's great to have you back. And what he said was, had he
15:49
been what he did before was get himself all worked up and into a
15:53
defensive mode ready to argue, he would have probably started
15:57
an argument that wasn't even there. And he wouldn't have
16:01
brought in the feedback that he had just gotten that the boss
16:04
was clouding his back.
16:07
Alan Carroll: Such an important observation is that we create in
16:13
our mind, what we think is happening. And we start to
16:20
behave as if that is true that that's not fiction. But that's
16:23
reality. And mindfulness, what you're talking about, Leslie is
16:30
that mindfulness allows you to observe what's going on. And
16:36
then to be able to step back and think about a solution, or a
16:47
move I can make in the chess game. And in this situation, you
16:52
know what, Lesley talked about mindful, breathing, walking
16:57
thing, I think I'll try that. But that requires you to wake up
17:02
that requires you in the midst of the nervousness about what my
17:05
boss is going to say, I have to have that thought in my mind
17:09
about Leslie told me to do something, and I'll be able to
17:12
do it, and it worked. And so the key I find in mindfulness is
17:20
that it requires you to wake up to the automatic reaction that
17:25
you are having in the moment to realize there's another
17:27
alternative, and you use the word earlier choice. And I'd
17:33
like you to share a little bit about that, about that waking up
17:37
process, and also about how it allows you to make healthier
17:42
choices, the more mindful you are, you don't get seduced by
17:46
the by the boss calling you on the phone, it's going to be
17:50
terrible. Well, that's like you're, you're creating
17:52
something that's not true.
17:54
Unknown: Right, right. You know, I, when I hear you talking about
17:59
the wakeup process, you know, this is all about awareness. And
18:03
for many people, we haven't learned to observe ourselves,
18:10
right? We just react, you know, bluntly, you know, this happens
18:13
when you read, but there's lots of in our subconscious has said,
18:17
when this happens, you need to react like this. But what our
18:21
subconscious does is it also, when it finds this works for
18:25
you, whether it's good or bad, this is the way you react, it
18:30
puts it over several different situations. So it might not even
18:35
be the same situation. So you've gotten upset over one situation,
18:39
another, another one comes up, you'll have that same reaction,
18:43
because the subconscious is kind of saying, Oh, this is how we
18:46
react. And so when you just you're not thinking so you're
18:51
going through mindlessly, you just you know, you're just
18:55
allowing those reactions to go. And so the biggest thing is that
19:00
we need to become more aware. You can learn it, you can learn
19:06
to become more aware. And and I think that's one of the biggest
19:10
things that I hear from people is how do I you know, how do I
19:13
stop this or I don't even know I don't even see it coming. I
19:17
said, Alright, let's learn how to be aware. And that's really,
19:22
it's a very purposeful way. When you're talking about emotions.
19:26
You know, emotions have been given a really bad rap that we
19:30
shouldn't feel, you know, I don't like to call them positive
19:33
or negative, or good or bad. They just are they're
19:37
comfortable and uncomfortable, but they're not good or bad.
19:40
They're just letting us know our thoughts are off. Or maybe
19:45
there's something going on with our thinking. And so that
19:48
awareness starts to build just like we knew described it. Oh,
19:52
I'm feeling a different emotion. Oh, I don't feel very
19:55
comfortable with this emotion. What is going on in my head?
20:00
Yes. Right? What is going on my head, and then you can start to
20:04
look at that thought and go, you can learn how to challenge that
20:09
thought, like your boss calls you. Okay? Well, not every time
20:13
I talk to the boss, it's bad. So, you know, you can challenge
20:18
that in the moment. But the awareness is the first piece.
20:21
And I think that's what you're talking about without waking up.
20:25
It's purposefully starting to be aware, and what you know,
20:29
observing your emotions from this place of, they're not good
20:33
or bad. They just are, and they're telling you something.
20:38
Yep, a key word do that. Yeah, sorry, go ahead. A key word
20:43
Alan Carroll: that you're using couple of times, is being able
20:46
to observe or being able to observe the thought that you
20:51
just pass through your consciousness, being able to
20:54
observe the emotion in your body, being able to observe the
20:59
tension in your body, being able to observe the the anger and the
21:05
attack, and I need to defend and you're wrong, and I'm right, to
21:10
be able to observe that. And to me, that is, that's not natural.
21:16
That is not what people are trained to do. And with
21:21
training, you can develop your observation muscles. So what are
21:26
some of the training exercises that people could do to become
21:32
more awake, so they can make that conscious choice rather
21:35
than that unconscious, reactive, automatic conditioned reaction?
21:42
Unknown: Right? So a couple of things I talked about walking.
21:45
So this is just bringing those thoughts down?
21:47
Alan Carroll: Well, let's talk about walking meditation. Let's
21:49
talk about walking meditation. People don't know what that
21:52
means. What does a walking meditation look like?
21:57
Unknown: So I'm just even going to break it down even further to
22:01
the transition steps that we take every day, from our
22:04
bedroom, to the kitchen, from the kitchen, to the living room,
22:10
to from the car to an appointment, these are steps
22:13
that we often let our mind go with what we need to do in the
22:16
day, right? That's where our minds kind of go, and one of the
22:21
things you can do is start to train your brain. Yeah, this is
22:25
the time you want to slow it down. That train your brain,
22:29
yes, you can train your brain. So you start to say, Okay, I'm
22:33
going to choose, when I get up, I'm going to walk to the
22:36
kitchen, and I'm going to focus on what my body is doing. I know
22:39
I mentioned this earlier. And your brain might say, Yeah, but
22:42
this is when we think of everything we need to do in that
22:45
day. And so you just give that observation, you can just say,
22:49
Okay, thank you. Thanks for Thanks for telling me about
22:53
that. And almost like a conveyor belt, let that move through your
22:57
brain and drop off. Or right now I want to focus on what my
23:00
body's doing. So it's training your brain that when you're
23:06
taking those transition steps, that it's time to quiet down.
23:12
Time to just be quiet. And it takes a little bit is a
23:16
practice. And I like to call this a mindfulness practice.
23:19
It's not a mindfulness perfect. It's a mindfulness practice. And
23:23
so it'll take some time. But I can almost guarantee you that if
23:27
you start using those transition steps to quiet your mind, you'll
23:31
learn other places to do it, too. So that's one thing that I
23:35
think is really important, just really those little steps to
23:38
places where we let our mind run is just, again, thank you. Right
23:44
now I want to focus on what my body is doing. The second thing
23:50
that I think is really important is that we start is really
23:54
observing our moods. So often give people a mood, you know, a
24:01
mood chart. So four times a day. It doesn't matter what you're
24:05
doing, you just check in. And I like to say name three moods,
24:10
three moods that you're feeling in this moment, no judgment? No,
24:15
why you're feeling them, it doesn't matter. We just want you
24:18
to observe what your mood is or times the day. And what can
24:23
happen is I've had people that have said, I'm just a really
24:25
angry person. And when we did this, throughout the week, they
24:30
found out that sometimes they were embarrassed first. Or
24:34
sometimes they were scared first. Or sometimes they were
24:38
worried or frustrated that they weren't just an angry person.
24:42
That's just where it ended up. And so when they were able to
24:45
start seeing those emotions at lower levels, then they could do
24:52
something at that level rather than letting their emotions get
24:55
up to this high point.
24:56
Alan Carroll: You bet. You bet. Every time If you see something,
25:03
observe something, I like to describe it as you're creating a
25:08
little space. And every time you do it, you create another little
25:12
space, and another little space and another little space. And
25:16
pretty soon this the storm door of winter changes to the screen
25:20
door a summer. And the end, you no longer resist things anymore,
25:25
they flow through you, because you now have all these spaces
25:30
that you've created bit, by bit, by bit by bit. And to me that
25:36
develops this, this, this, this witness inside of ourselves,
25:41
this observer inside of ourselves, that organic,
25:45
something organically is happening inside myself, and you
25:49
can't learn it from a book, you got to you got to close the
25:52
eyes, you got to do the mindful walking, if you have to do a
25:55
practice on a regular basis to to create that. That the
26:02
opposite of a monkey mind, you know, again, it's stable. You
26:08
can breathe, the instrument is relaxed. You observe the
26:14
thoughts you don't, you don't you don't, you don't jump into
26:19
the thought you just observe the thought by like, like this
26:23
described like clouds moving through the sky, just as clouds
26:26
moving through the sky, you're just sitting there, having a
26:30
piece of cheese and bread and little wine, watching the clouds
26:33
go by. Rather than judging the clouds, you are just observing
26:38
the clouds. And so I like that mindful walking you talked about
26:43
because that is so easy to do. Another one that car totally
26:48
talked about was when you're gonna start the car. Before you
26:52
put the key in the ignition or press the button, you pause. And
26:57
it disrupts the automaticity of your reality. People live in
27:01
these patterns. They don't know they're in a pattern. And but so
27:04
break the pattern every time you break the pattern you wake up,
27:07
like I brush my teeth with my right hand. Okay, tonight brush
27:11
with your left hand, and you'll wake up, boy, you'll wake up
27:14
because it's different, you know? So I think that's what
27:18
you're talking about. Is that true?
27:21
Unknown: i Yes, absolutely. You know, every time we you know, we
27:26
take ourselves out of a habit of just mindlessly going. We bring
27:32
awareness to that. And then when we can bring awareness to that
27:37
mindlessness. And go more mindfully into what we're doing,
27:43
especially with something we do all the time. You'll see things
27:47
you haven't seen in a very long time. And you'll you can often
27:52
see that maybe there's other choices to make. Yes. And And
27:58
the interesting thing is if you go through Jon Kabat Zinn is one
28:02
of my favorite people for mindfulness. And what's their
28:06
name again, Jon Kabat Zinn and is a great mindfulness fella. He
28:15
teaches it for chronic pain. But he talks about attitudes. And
28:21
when I look at the attitudes like acceptance, trust,
28:25
beginner's mind, non judgment, gratitude, you know, generosity,
28:31
and I know I'm missing one,
28:33
Alan Carroll: probably forgiveness is there somewhere.
28:37
That's,
28:38
Unknown: that is definitely something that's important. But
28:40
that's not one of the ones that he talks about. Letting go,
28:45
there's the other one letting go, which would be on that
28:47
forgiveness page, right. All of those are actually the things
28:53
that are important for manifesting or creating what we
28:56
want in life to
28:58
Alan Carroll: go ahead and repeat those again so people can
29:00
hear them again.
29:01
Unknown: Okay, I'll try and I'll try and remember them. So it's
29:05
the acceptance trust, beginner's mind, letting go non judgement,
29:11
patience, generosity, and gratitude.
29:16
Alan Carroll: Wow, that's pretty good.
29:19
Unknown: Not bad.
29:20
Alan Carroll: That's pretty. I couldn't remember all those
29:22
things. That's pretty good. I like that. Yeah, yeah. Well,
29:26
those are very valuable golden nuggets that you've given us
29:30
today. Leslie, I want to thank you for being on the mindful you
29:34
podcast. And I also would like to know how people can connect
29:39
with you. They like what they're hearing and they'd like to
29:41
follow a little bit more about the rise of the Phoenix way. How
29:45
can people connect with you?
29:48
Unknown: Absolutely. Just go to my website, Rise of the
29:51
phoenix.org and you can definitely head there and if you
29:56
do want to chat with me, I do have a free consultation. ration
30:01
and or email me my email will be there as well.
30:07
Alan Carroll: Wonderful. Well thank you very much for being on
30:09
the mindful your podcast. And I look forward to seeing it sent
30:15
out into the world so people can become more mindful and more
30:18
present in order to make healthy choices mentally and physically
30:23
and emotionally. So thank you very much Leslie.
30:27
Unknown: Beautiful. Thank you for having me. Bye bye